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"For a change, Lady Luck seemed to be smiling on me. Then again, maybe the fickle wench was just lulling me into a false sense of security while she reached for a rock." – Timothy Zahn
JoLayne Lucks got lucky. She won $14,000,000 in the Florida State Lottery. And that was just the beginning of her problems.
Tom Krome is a first-rate investigative newspaper reporter who has been reduced to writing fluffy feature pieces because the newspaper business is going to hell. He has been given the assignment of interviewing Ms. Lucks and writing a human-interest story about how LADY LUCKS WINS LOTTERY. His editor, whose name is Sinclair, came up with that headline. Sinclair is an idiot. He figures that the only thing a story needs to make it interesting is a snappy headline.
Tom, under protest, makes the 300-mile trip to the village of Grange, Florida, where JoLayne lives. She has been forewarned that he is in town and when he gets to her front door, it is standing open. “Hallo. Hallo.” He yelled. A voice came from the house. “Are you the reporter?” He confessed. The voice said, “Come-on in.” He came. Still couldn’t find her. “Hallo. Hallo.” “I’m in the bathroom, just open the door.” He did. And there was a lady in the bathtub, wearing nothing except for a smile and an air of confidence. Oh, and she was holding a Remington 12-guage shotgun and pointing that weapon of mass circumcision at Krome’s favorite body parts. I know they say that “faint hearts ne’er win fair lady,” but if this happened to me, I would have just fainted, and you could just keep your fair lady. I already have a perfectly good one at home. She’s an older model but she runs like a top.
"If you think about it, it was the perfect meet cute, and if I hadn’t had my head up my ass at the time, I would’ve done something about it."– Helena Hunting, Meet Cute
Meet Cute? Wait--hold on. I have been married for over 50 years, and I have sat through a plethora of Hallmark movies and an abundance of fictional "meet cute" rom/com introductions with my wife, and this bathtub scene is not "meet cute, " or "meet kooky,” or "meet cranky,", or even "meet kinky.” It is “meet the psycho…er …female dog.” The thing is, JoLayne is not a psycho bichon frise. She is quirky, she is independent, she is fierce, she is impulsive, but she isn’t the kind of nude woman with a blunderbuss who would introduce herself to a complete stranger from a bathtub. In fact, I suspect there are not many women in the world who would consider this to be a good way to break the ice in a new relationship. This entire bathroom scene doesn’t belong in the book. It is not plausible. It is misleading. It distracts from the story. It isn’t justified by anything in the rest of the book. It is as looney as a Canadian dollar. And a professional novelist and journalist with Carl Hiaasen’s experience should have known better.
After JoLayne ever so subtly declined to do an interview, Tom sagely decided to go back to his motel room and he tells JoLayne that if she changes her mind by tomorrow morning, they could meet in some public location [I’m thinking the hospital emergency room or a jail cell.] Morning came early, however, because someone was pounding loudly at his door at 3 AM. It was Lady Lucks herself, and she did not look good. Her home had been invaded during the night. She had been badly beaten, one of her 47 pet baby turtles had been foully murdered, and she was forced to yield her--as of yet unredeemed—lottery ticket to the invaders. She told Tom that she couldn’t go the police because she didn’t have any proof that she had ever had the winning ticket, and she needed Tom’s investigative skills to help her retrieve the ticket and wreak her revenge.
🌟🌟🌟 Stars. Once JoLayne and Tom join forces, the novel proceeds with a typical Hiaasen modus operandi—mirth, mayhem, and whoopee. It’s not the best Hiaasen novel, but it lands somewhere in the middle of his collected works, and if you are a Hiaasen fan, you will probably like it, though I suggest that you hold both hands over your eyes when you read the bathroom scene.