The Farmer's Wife: My Life in Days

by Helen Rebanks

A portrait of life at Helen Rebanks' Lake District farmhouse that beautifully captures the unsung work of keeping a home and raising a family.

As dawn breaks on the farm, Helen Rebanks makes a mug of tea, relishing the few minutes of quiet before the house stirs. Within the hour the sounds of her husband, James, and their four children will fill the kitchen. There are also six sheepdogs, two ponies, 20 chickens, 50 cattle and 500 sheep to care for. Helen is a farmer's wife. Hers is a story that is rarely told, despite being one we think we know.

Weaving past and present, Helen shares the days that have shaped her. This is the truth of those days: from steering the family through the Beast from the East and the local authority planning committee, to finding the quiet strength to keep going, when supper is yet to be started, another delivery man has assumed he needs to speak to the 'man of the house', and she would rather punch a cushion than plump it.

This beautifully-illustrated memoir, which takes place across one day at the farm, offers a chance to think about where our food comes from and who puts it on the table. Helen's recipes, lists and gentle wisdom helps us to get through our days, whatever they throw at us.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Food, Nature, Cookbooks, Audiobook

319 pages, Hardcover

First published August 31, 2023

Reviews

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

I fancied a sideways look at James Rebanks (The Shepherd’s Life and Wainwright Prize winner English Pastoral) and his regenerative farming project in the Lake District. (My husband spotted their dale from a mountaintop on holiday earlier in the month.) Helen Rebanks is a third-generation farmer’s wife and food and family are the most important things to her. One gets the sense that she has felt looked down on for only ever wanting to be a wife and mother. Her memoir, its recollections structured to metaphorically fall into a typical day, is primarily a defence of the life she has chosen, and secondarily a recipe-stuffed manifesto for eating simple, quality home cooking. (She paints processed food as the enemy.)

Growing up, Rebanks started cooking for her family early on, and got a job in a café as a teenager; her mother ran their farm home as a B&B but was forgetful to the point of being neglectful. She met James at 17 and accompanied him to Oxford, where they must have been the only student couple cooking and eating proper food. This period, when she was working an office job, baking cakes for a café, and mourning the devastating foot-and-mouth disease epidemic from a distance, is most memorable. Stories from travels, her wedding, and the births of her four children are pleasant enough, yet there’s nothing to make these experiences, or the telling of them, stand out. I wouldn’t make any of the dishes; most you could find a recipe for anywhere. Eleanor Crow’s black-and-white illustrations are lovely, though.

Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.

[Penny · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5
I feel bad for only giving this 2.5 although I have rounded up! Helen Rebanks is clearly a good woman who believes passionately in the farming life she leads with husband and fellow author James.
Which leads me on to the question of would she have got this book published if she wasn’t married to her best selling husband?
She’s definitely not a bad writer but I am struggling to think of good things to say! Maybe I should leave it at that!

[Grace (alatteofliterature) · Rating 5 out of 5]

“There are many ways to live, many ways to be a woman. I know lots of women don’t want what I want. Some would say mine is a small life. But this is how I want to live.”

“I have often felt undervalued, not so much by my own family but in society as a woman choosing to stay at home and cook for her family. There is a strong cultural dogma that life outside the home is more important than the one inside the home. As if domestic work isn’t a good enough way to spend a life. But isn’t it one of the most important things we can do?”

This book was a delightful memoir on the life of a farm wife in days. To quote Annie Dillard, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”

Also, the “farmer’s daughter who learned how to cook and went to school and worked in a cafe while honing her baking skills and then marries the farmer” trajectory was one I felt very personally. 😂♥️

[Natasha Noethlich · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a farmers wife this was painful to read and the recipes were often unrealistic. The story went off in all different directions and was hard to figure out where she was going and what the point was. Several parts ended and jumped around. She tried to throw in serious conditions (like postpartum) and did a terrible job at it. This book makes me want to write my own book to share what it’s really like to live on a farm.

[Cheryl · Rating 2 out of 5]

This memoir started out very slow…..just describing the everyday life of a young wife and mother and their family life on their farm in the Lake District in England. For me the most interesting and enjoyable parts of the book were the last few chapters. When reading those chapters, you can appreciate the rarely recognized or respected work and dedication that it takes to raise children, contribute to a community, maintain friendships, and stay connected with your spouse.

[Kitty · Rating 2 out of 5]

mul olid kõrged ootused selle raamatu suhtes, sest Rebankside pere idüllilist taluelu olen Twitteri ja pereisa raamatute kaudu juba aastaid jälginud. ja vaadake seda kaanepilti, kas ei tõota uskumatut hubasust?

tegelikult lajatas siit vastu kohutav kogus keskealise koduperenaise frustratsiooni. eelkõige, väidab ta ise, selle üle, kuidas inimesed ei mõista tema valikut olla kodune nelja lapse ema ja farmeri abikaasa, sest nad ei saa üldse aru, KUI raske ja tänamatu see roll tegelikult on.

honey... you've got it wrong. me ei mõista su valikut just sellepärast, et me saame selgelt aru, et see on raske ja tänamatu. ja mina igatahes ei leia siit raamatust piisavalt seda teist poolt, et mis selles siis toredat ja head on, et see kogu pingutust ikkagi väärib.

formaat on üsna hüplik - raamjutustus oleks nagu üks (seejuures tõesti idülliline) päev Heleni olevikus, kus lapsed on kõik enamvähem kaela kandma kasvatatud, maja valmis ehitatud ja farm jätkusuutlikul ja keskkonnasõbralikul moel tööle saadud. (muidu ilus, aga täpselt samas formaadis oli üles ehitatud üks James Rebanksi raamat. vb nad pididki teineteist peegeldama - et mehe raamatus nägime, kuidas veedab päeva taluperemees, ja naise omas, kuidas seda toetab ja võimaldab taluperenaine? aga minu jaoks tundus natuke nagu plagiaat.)

palju pikemalt ja põhjalikumalt kirjeldatakse aga pildikesi Heleni minevikust - lapsepõlv ja kõik sealt kaasa saadud traumad, katsed elada linnaelu, kõigi laste sünnid ja loendamatute kodude ülesehitamised (see pere on täiesti obsessiivselt iga kord, kui maja valmis sai, selle maha müünud ja uue ostnud, mida nullist remontima hakata. vähemalt neli korda!)... ja sinna taustale tohutul hulgal söögitegemist. ikka hästi detailselt, no ikka lehekülgede kaupa kirjeldatakse meile, kuidas ta kuskil 1990ndatel aastatel mingit kooki küpsetas või suppi segas.

komandaks kihiks on teksti sees (ja pärast lõpus) olevad retseptid. ei saa salata, mitut neist retseptidest plaanin ise ka katsetada, sest tunduvad üsna lihtsad ja mõnusad. lõpus on ka nimekiri sellest, misasjad peaks inimesel sahvris ja külmikus varuks olema, ja see on samamoodi väga lihtne ja mõistlik kõik.

aga see frustratsioon ikkagi. see kuidagi... ei lahendu kuhugi :( järjest loeme lugusid sellest, kuidas Helenile ei meeldinud ükski pidu, kus ta noorena käis, ja kui raske oli hakkama saada esimese lapsega, samal ajal kodu remontides... ja siis teise lapsega, samal ajal alailma mehega tülis olles... ja kui ma jõudsin selle mälestuseni, kuidas ta 10 päeva pärast kolmanda lapse sünnitamist (mis toimus suure verekaotusega) kangelaslikult oma pere mingile jõulupeole tassib ja teeb eelnevalt kaasa mitte ühe, vaid KAKS magustoitu (jällegi, kaheksa lehekülge saame lugeda sellest, kuidas seda kihilist tarretist täpselt tehti, vahepeal beebit imetades, kaht maimikut peoriietesse surudes, nõusid pestes, lõunasööki serveerides, pesu kuivama riputades, kuurist puid tuues jne) ja siis seal peol kempsus nutab, sest kuulis pealt kellegi lõõpi, et ta sai kolmanda lapse, et ei peaks päris tööle minema... oh issand, see on kõik üheaegselt nii kurb, aga ka nii vihaleajav! miks sa teed seda endale? miks sa ajad taga mingit perfektsust, millest ei hooli keegi peale su enda, miks sa ajad end surnuks lihtsalt selle nimel, et kõigile näidata ja tõestada, et sa saad hakkama küll, miks sa, jumala eest, abi ei küsi ja vastu ei võta?

aa, ja siis on raamatus veel moraliseerimiskiht: saame kuulda mitut loengut sellest, kuidas tuleb ikkagi kõik toidud teha ise ja nullist ja värskest kohalikust toorainest (oh, ja see tema häbi ja läbikukkumistunne, kui ta läheb beebi ja kahe väikelapsega tipptunnil poodi ja lapsed nõuavad ja saavad ka maiustusi, sest ta ei jaksa nendega võidelda seal), sest esiteks muidu su lapsed surevad umbes ära ja teiseks sureb ära tema perekond, sest me ajame farmerid pankrotti, kui me poest imporditud toitu otsime. mitte et ma temaga sisuliselt väga vaielda tahaks, see ideaal pole ju vale, aga kui ma samal ajal näen, kui raskeks ta omaenda elu elab selle poole püüeldes (ja ikkagi "libastudes")... ausalt, see inimene vajab abi. loodetavasti tal vähemalt sai parem, kui ta kõik selle endast välja kirjutatud sai.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this book sounded interesting before I realized that her husband was James Rebanks. I tried to read his book Pastoral Song and just could NOT get into it so I didn't read it. When I got this book in and realized it was by his wife I wasn't sure I would like it. But I started reading this one and liked her tone and style. I liked the beginning of the book better and actually disliked it more as I kept going. Her family history, time in college, and falling in love with James was interesting. But once they were married and having children the book became a laundry list of everything that Helen was doing, how overwhelmed she was, how little James helped with the children, how tight money was, etc. Helen really wanted children and to be a mother, but by the end of the book she wasn't helping convince anyone to be a parent or a farmer. She includes lots of recipes throughout the book and she obviously enjoys cooking and understands the importance of high-quality, regeneratively farmed food. There were a few spots where she talked briefly about how they farmed and why it's important but honestly it was lost in the laundry list of chores that filled the last 2/3 of the book. I also feel like the book would have flowed better if the recipes were included at the end of each chapter/section instead of just stuck in randomly. Often the recipes interrupted the flow of the text in a weird way. The recipes look good and I just think it would be easier to use/read if the recipes were all together either at the end of the book or included at the end of each section. I think Helen is a good writer and I liked her style but I just didn't love the majority of the content. Overall unless you're a HUGE fan of the Rebanks or are also an overwhelmed mother who wants to feel seen this might not be the book for you. I would give this one 2.5 stars but I'm rounding up to 3 because of the recipes.

[SukiG · Rating 4 out of 5]

Never have I read a book that so adequately captures the pressures of what it is like to be a regular woman. Not a CEO, not a movie star, not a New Age Princess, but a woman struggling with a shopping cart in the rain with 3 hungry children just picked up from school and the judgments of others in the supermarket. A great companion to James' books as well regarding their commitment to sustainable farming. Insightful, on-point, useful for its recipes and a nice rewarding autobiography.

[Mrs Fieldmouse · Rating 2 out of 5]

I loved James Rebanks' books which offered a wordly and interesting view on some very real challenges. This didn't fall into that category for me - more of a defensive attempt to justify life choices and a non-feminist jumble of recipes, memories and recounting marital rough patches. Perhaps a subject matter better suited to a private journal than a published book.

[Michael G · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good autobiography and worth reading. But it is not mostly a story of a ‘farmers wife’. Rather this is mostly the story of a good and ordinary wife and mother, doing wife and mother things, loving and caring well, being terribly self conscious, occasionally being emotionally overwhelmed, trying to bring order and beauty to her world. The farming is just the background. I suspect many wives and mothers could read this and connect with it. As a bloke who is not married and has no children I appreciated this peek into a world I know little to nothing about on the ‘inside’.

It is an honest autobiography. It is not dishonest or narcissistic. It is plain. There is no hidden agenda, just a genuine sharing of her life. Good.

Pairing this book with her husband’s ‘the shepherds life’ would lead to a better bigger picture, but also an interesting study in how this husband and wife team (perhaps, most men and women) have their focus on different things, even as they do their lives together.

Do read this book. Read his book too.

(Also, she is a great cook. Food matters a lot to her. The book is full of recipes. And her mindset is the right one: no ultra processed weird crap. Natural is best. That she’s clocked on to the evil of vegetable oil is also a very good sign. Hail butter!)

[Debbie Kerr · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really really wanted to love this book as I am a big fan of Helen's husband James. Also as a farmer's daughter who grew up to be stay at home mum with 4 kids (just like Helen), I expected to really relate to Helen and her life. In truth I found I didn't really like Helen much 🙈 There's a lot of moaning and complaining and everything always seems to be someone else's fault. The writing was disjointed and jumped around too much with huge chunks of her life skipped over so that at times I wasn't really sure where they were living or what was going on. And the recipes were really irritating, slotted in in the middle of the text so that I had to skip several pages of recipe to read the end of the anecdote. Some were also unnecessary - the "recipes" for Birds Custard and porridge for example are literally the instructions off the packet.

I loved the concept of this book, but it is so poorly executed - that is more the publisher's fault than Helen's I would imagine. The drawings are wonderful though and it is a pretty book so I will probably keep it on my bookshelf alongside my much read copies of The Shepherd's Life and English Pastoral.

[Penny · Rating 3 out of 5]

I bought this book immediately after hearing author Helen Rebanks interviewed on NPR. I wound up finding it a mixed bag ... some nice simple recipes, a glimpse into a life very different from mine ... but a tendency to jump around a bit temporally in ways that were not particularly artful and way too much mundane detail. For example, "The hens come clucking and running to me at lightening speed when they see me with a pan in my hand. I scrape out the leftover rice from supper onto the grass with a spoon and they peck around my feet. Back inside, I wipe the table, put the last two glasses in the dishwasher, tip out the water jug and rinse it. I bend down to get a detergent tablet from under the sink and put it in the dishwasher. My back is aching. The kids have made a good enough job of tidying the meal up"... and so on and so one. Is this really material worth sharing with the world? Reading it became tedious after a while. The book started out promising, but as the author's life and marriage became more mundane the narrative followed suit. That early promise was gone.

[Kaity · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was hoping for more farm content, but got majority mom content. nothing wrong with that, just not my ideal read.

[Mary Porter · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn’t realize this book was a food memoir when I started reading, but I liked it!

[David Kern · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’d love to read a sequel to this, with even more of a focus on the farm (though perhaps it’s redundant given James’ books).

[Margaret · Rating 2 out of 5]

I met Helen Rebanks (wife of the more successful James, of The Shepherd's Life fame) at an author-event at our local indie bookshop and found her sparky and interesting. I didn't feel the same about her book. She details the hard slog of being a farmer's wife and a mother in an unforgiving, if beautiful part of England: she strongly feels the need to justify her decision to be a stay-at-home mother, even though she is clearly also instrumental in the running of the farm. Her description of her life in Oxford, where James was studying for a degree was the most absorbing. Much of the rest described a life of drudgery with little happiness, though she claims she would choose no other life.
The book is interspersed with recipes, all of which can easily be found anywhere, and at the end are store cupboard hints which I doubt are of much help to her probable readership. A slightly disappointing read.

[Jim Kownacki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great memoir of yearning to start and then starting a homestead, and ultimately finding ones path to happiness. The heartaches and joys of starting a family as well as coping with what others expectations of what a family are and what one's life accomplishments should be were very well presented. And the recipes throughout were very tasty.

Plus, in the listings at the end she states "...almost every meal can be made better with bacon" a woman after my own stomach.

[Gretchen Louise · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book by Helen Rebanks is filled with an equal measure of poetic beauty and tidbits that hit a bit too close to home, despite being written across the pond. But all in all, I loved this glimpse into the life of another farmer's wife.

If you can, listen to at least part of it on audio to appreciate the gorgeous narration. But don't miss all the recipes and pantry ideas in the print and Kindle editions.

[Joanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really honest look at a tough but fulfilling life. Helen is not afraid to talk about her hard times and the way society doesn’t support farming. But she has great ideas about how to make farming better for the people who make the food, the people who buy the food and the animals who are the food.

[Cristi · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has been on my list for some time as a way to live vicariously through a farmer’s life. I decided to read it and although I personally enjoyed the individual chapters and even Helen’s raw accounts of motherhood, being a stay at home mom, and her recipes, the book lacked a sense of cohesiveness. Also, I’d argue the book had more to do with being a mother than a farmer’s wife. Reflecting on the read there really was no track to the plot, but rather many small singular stories of her life. Would I recommend? Maybe? If the person’s interest aligned. 3.5/5

[Alyssa Yoder · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is so charming. It isn't perfectly formatted, and you have to be willing to go along for the meandering ride. But I was here for it. I could picture her life so clearly, and it made me feel so seen in my own life as a stay-at-home mom. Gentle, beautiful, cozy, honest.

[Kim · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not really sure what the point of this book was. It was a random jump around in time with a lot of complaining, and some very basic recipes. The only part I liked was at the end when she sort of explained what they were doing on the farm as far as encouraging biodiversity. Wish there had been more of that in the book and less of her birthing stories!
I just saw on Goodreads that her husband James has written two well reviewed books about the farm and his return to more ecological ways of farming. I will give these a try!

[Laura A · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had more stars to give this book ♥️
It meant so much to me as I myself am a ‘farmers wife’, who WANTS to be at home on the farm with my husband and children. In a world of ‘hustle’ and getting the biggest accolades, the author put my own thoughts and feelings into beautiful words.

The very last sentences summed it up - “I know that the small domestic things matter; they always have - my mum taught me that. Learning the word ‘mundane’ has its roots in the Latin word ‘mundanus’, of the world, made me see everything through a different lens. To me, caring for my family is, and always has been, the most important work in the world’.

The last third or so of the book is recipes and lists which I look forward to searching through and trying out.

The perfect book for any stay at home Mum who wants some encouragement or for anyone wanting to learn more about farming. Or, for someone who just wants a cosy read/memoir type book set in the English countryside ☺️

[Hannah James · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a conflicting book for me. When I started this book, I expected it to be easy, happy, and breezy as I had a bright, picturesque farm life in mind. Instead, Helen gives an extremely raw view of what family disfunction, postpartum depression, and the strain of motherhood as a whole looks like. At points, I fought to keep reading because some of her emotions were too deep for me and perhaps just a little too close to home. However, because her storytelling of the past was intertwined with the present, I could see the redemption in her hardships. I think what I appreciated most in the end was her constant struggle to acknowledge both the everyday joys and the everyday drudgery of being a stay-at-home mom. This book is not a light-read in my opinion, but it is a beautiful picture of her momma heart.

Side-note: this book made me love the name Molly for a little girl.

“The chores always seem mundane, like things we should be escaping from, but what is a life without work? It becomes empty and meaningless. Doing things like cooking, cleaning, and errands to help my family is purposeful and important to me.”

[papilionna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helen Rebanks räumt mit dieser Autobiografie mit dem Klischee der "Bauersfrau" auf, indem sie aufzeigt, wie sich der Alltag einer modernen Farmerin gestaltet. Die Rahmenhandlung bildet ein Tag in ihrem vielbeschäftigten Leben, wo zwischen Familie, Haushalt und Hof nur wenig Zeit zum Aufatmen bleibt. Dazwischen erzählt sie die Geschichte ihrer Familie, Anekdoten ihres Lebens und teilt ihre liebsten Rezepte.

Ich finde die Grundidee des Buchs schön, hatte mit der Umsetzung aber meine Probleme. Die unbeständige Erzählweise, in der ständig zwischen Zeitebenen hin- und hergesprungen wird, erschweren flüssiges Lesen. Teilweise gibt es mehrere Rezeptseiten hintereinander, in denen aber einzelne Paragraphen der "eigentlichen" Geschichte wie versteckt sind. Für mich hat sich das Lesen so sehr unrund angefühlt, ich musste immer aufpassen, in welcher Zeit wir gerade sind.

Inhaltlich ist das Buch aber schon interessant, es zeigt die unromantische, teils brutale Seite des Lebens auf dem Land, wo Leben und Tod mitunter Hand in Hand gehen. Ich hätte mir sogar weniger Fokus auf die Vergangenheit und mehr auf das heutige Leben von Farmern gewünscht.

[iina · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was okay; not bad, but not stellar either.

I didn’t know anything about the author or her husband beforehand, and was delighted to be sent this book by the publisher (alongside some marmalade!).

It’s clear Rebanks really believes in what she does wholeheartedly, and I found the parts about farming and the struggles with that, too, the most engaging. The rest (her life and motherhood) were also well written but just not so interesting to me as they were lovely but in some ways rather ordinary stories.

The same goes for the recipes, there isn’t any I am tempted to keep for future use, but I do like the resources pages at the very end (which would be tedious on audio).

Thank you to Faber for sending me a review copy of this book.

[Shiloah · Rating 4 out of 5]

So much truth in this book. So many insights. I love her passion for her family and her life as a farmer’s wife. It’s real and honest look into her heart is insightful in seeing your own. Her daily journey as mother is so relatable. It brought me back to when my oldest four were little. I thoroughly enjoyed her husband’s books and it’s great to see the feminine side of their story. She is also a gifted writer. Highly recommend.

[farmwifetwo]

Free audio on hoopla. I made it to nearly 1yr old Molly and house #3 at about half and am quitting at this point.

[Casey Cogburn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was so excited to see this book “The Farmers Wife” in my independent book store! After reading two of James Rebanks’ books I knew I must read his wife’s thoughts on being a farmers wife…spoiler alert ‼️ it is hard!
Helen writes in such an honest, matter of factly way that you could not help but be fascinated by her life! I liked the simple storytelling way she wrote, at times her prose was poetic. And the theme that “all I really wanted to be was a mom” was endearing. Oh, and her recipes intermingle throughout her story were so clever…I’m definitely going to try a few…but maybe not the Yorkshire pudding😅.

[Kate Hartley · Rating 1 out of 5]

I spotted this book while on holiday in the Lake District and was so excited to read it. I love the Lakes and find rural life so interesting. What a disappointment this was! The narrative skips around without giving context to the life decisions that have informed these moves. It’s also interjected with tangents and lectures about the authors own agenda, which can be jarring at times.

It’s also full of inconsistencies - in one chapter the author harks on about the importance of eating locally and seasonally (a point I agree with, but it was somewhat clumsily shoved into the chapter, and came across as more of a telling off to an audience that I think would largely be on board with this message already). A few chapters later, the author casually throws in an anecdote about buying raspberries grown overseas in the middle of winter without giving it a second thought. If this inconsistency was in some way highlighted as a difficulty of a busy life, or parenting, or trying to get things right but not always being perfect, then I could understand. However, it just comes across as hypocritical and lazy writing.

The author also seems to be at odds with her own message. Throughout the first part of the book we are given the impression that all she wants is to get away from the farming life she has grown up in. Then a few chapters later, being a farmers wife is all she wants for herself and seemingly her soul purpose. But then towards the end, the book becomes a list of chores and the author complaining remorselessly about motherhood and the farming life. At times, the tone is grating and it is difficult to get on side with the message the book is trying to convey.

I will say the beginning of the book starts off well - it’s interesting to hear about the old ways of farming in the Lake District and the history of how things used to be. But the narrative seems to lose its way half way through, and overall becomes a disappointing read.