The Onts

Secrets of Dripping Fang #1

by Dan Greenburg, Scott M. Fischer (Illustrator)

Nobody wants to adopt the Shluffmuffin twins. Wally's feet stink something awful, and Cheyenne is allergic to e verything . Then why are the Mandible sisters so eager to take them home? And what sort of old maids would choose to live in a place called Dripping Fang Forest, where zombies wander the woods singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and ten-foot-long glowing slugs want to suck the feet right off your ankles?

Would it seem ungrateful of Wally to point out the Mandible sisters' extra arms? Or to question their all-chocolate, all-the-time menu? Or, um, to venture into the cellar, where the twins have been told to NEVER, EVER, EVER go?

Yeah, perhaps that last bit was a mistake. Now there's nothing left for the Shluffmuffins to do but run--run for their lives!

Genres: Fantasy, Childrens, Horror, Juvenile, Middle Grade, Humor, Fiction

131 pages, Hardcover

First published September 1, 2006

About the author

DAN GREENBURG BIO

BOOKS:
Dan's 73 books have been published in 24 countries.
His adult best-sellers include EXES, LOVE KILLS, HOW TO BE A JEWISH MOTHER, HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF MISERABLE, and HOW TO AVOID LOVE AND MARRIAGE. How to be a Jewish Mother sold several million copies. It and How to Make Yourself Miserable were in print for 30 years and were on Publishers Weekly’s list of all-time bestsellers.
Amazon will publish Dan’s third psychological thriller, FEAR ITSELF, in January 2014. They’ll also republish his first two thrillers, EXES and LOVE KILLS.
He’s written four series of children's books: THE ZACK FILES, SECRETS OF DRIPPING FANG, WEIRD PLANET, and MAXIMUM BOY. The Zack Files sold more than 2 million copies, was translated into 20 languages, and generated an Emmy-winning 52-episode TV series that ran on Showtime and Fox Family.

ADVENTURES:
Dan has written extensively about his adventures:
Riding with NYPD homicide detectives for two years to research thrillers FEAR ITSELF, EXES, and LOVE KILLS.
Interviewing murderers alone in their maximum security prison cells for FEAR ITSELF.
Attending autopsies in the NYC morgue for EXES.
Learning how to discipline tigers and lions on a Texas tiger ranch.
Swimming with 80,000 lb. humpback whales in the deep ocean.
Flying upside down with a stunt pilot in an open-cockpit biplane.
Participating in dangerous voodoo rites in Haiti.
Riding with NYC firemen for four months and following them into burning buildings.
Searching for the Loch Ness Monster.
Assisting exorcists in a Connecticut house attacked by poltergeists.
Acting a major character role in a Western movie filmed in Spain.
Doing stand-up comedy at the New York Improv, and on TV talk shows.
Getting screamed at by Orson Welles on the set of Catch-22 in Mexico.

MAGAZINES:
Dan’s articles have appeared in The New Yorker, Esquire, New York Magazine, The New York Times Book Review, The New York Times Magazine, Vanity Fair, The Huffington Post, Time, Life, Newsweek, Ms., Playboy, and have been reprinted in 44 humor anthologies in the U.S. and England.

MOVIES AND TV:
Dan has had six of his feature films produced, two of which are on Variety’s list of top grossing films.

THEATER:
Along with Jules Feiffer, John Lennon and Samuel Beckett, Dan was a contributor to Oh! Calcutta!, which ran on Broadway for 21 years. He was also a contributor to Free to be You and Me, which ran off and on Broadway for years.

MISC.:
Dan has appeared on The Today Show, The Tonight Show, Larry King Live, and Late Night with David Letterman. He grew up in Chicago, got his BFA from the University of Illinois, and his MFA from UCLA. He lives in Westchester, NY and British Columbia with his author wife Judith Greenburg and many cats.

dan@dangreenburg.com

Reviews

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

sure I read this book over 5 years ago but can I still guarantee it's amazing? absolutely

[Caitlin Dunican]

The theme of this book is that there 2 children Wally and Cheyenne they are at a orphanage called Jolly days orphanage. Hortence Jolly is the owner of this specific orphanage.There are many ways to adopt a child and you can not put them on a trial adoption because that makes the child get there hopes up and then let them down because you don't want to adopt them.

[Liana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious!!! I very much enjoyed this book - super engaging! The story kinda fell a bit off track near the end, BUT WHO CARES! The writing is absolutely brilliant, and I think I laughed out loud in every chapter.

[Coco C]

Wally and Cheyanne Shufflman live in a orphage,in cincinati one day. Two older ladies walked in to the Jolly Days Orphange, Wanting to adopt a kid one with stinky feet (wally) or one with lots of allergies (cheyanne). Ms jolly said "I have two kids tha fit that description perficly!". They gatherd their belongings hop in a cab and leave hoping they will get adopted. By these seemingly nice ladies, When the cab arives at the house Damagar went to pay him when Wally noticed a second pair of...hands?. They first enter the home and the go over rules NEVER to be broken.Wally and Cheyannne in the end find out somthing about The Onts/Heddie/Damagar that they didnt want to find out in the first place.

In this book i would connect me to Cheyanne, Because I have a lot of allergies. I would have done or done a lot of the same things in the book. Like not have beleived my brother if he told me all that stuff about they have two arms/hands or something unrealistic. But who would I have a lot of younger cousins who have out of this world imaginations. So thats why i would be cheyanne in Dripping Fang Forest.

I would recomend this book to anyone who likes fiction/mystery books because its a little bit of both. It would keep you gussing whats going to happen next. So really anyone who likes that kinda stuff should definitely read this book or any of the other books of dripping fang forest. My first opininon was, ok...middle OMG...end I want the next book.

[Brittany]

Lemony Snicket with bugs!

This was a quick read and kept my attention. Similar to the Lemony Snicket books, twins are having a difficult time getting adopted because they have some hygiene issues. Two old ladies who happen upon them are almost excited about their ailments and they find themselves in a weird mansion, but it's comfortable and they get chocolate for dinner. They are explicitly warned from going in the basement, but from there you can only guess what happens. Of course, this is when things really start to pick up.

Genre: Horror and Supernatural, Science Fiction and Fantasy

There are pictures scattered throughout this chapter book, but it definitely isn't an easy reader. Scholastic levels it at an S so it could definitely be a read-aloud, or middle to higher level readers could use it for comprehension development or enjoyment.

Grade level Equivalent: 4.3
Lexile Measure®: AD740L
DRA: 40
Guided Reading: S

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won't bother to write a review on all the books in this series, but since I've read all 8 so far that should say something for them.
I purchased these for my kids elementary school library.
They aren't the caliber of Harry Potter, but not many books are. They are, however, fun and entertaining and something my oldest son will read. He is not a big reader, but he seems to really enjoy these, so kudos to the author and story.
My oldest daughter has read them too and she is an avid reader.

[Kathy Lyons · Rating 5 out of 5]

OMG! We listened to the audio book on a car trip (myself, husband and then-8 or 9 yr old. ) What a creative, wacky and often hilarious story! I think the reader of the audio book was the author. I highly recommend listening to this story as the reading aloud added so much
to the story. I didn't know about the sequels. I'm putting the next one on my to read list.

[Tori Darland · Rating 5 out of 5]

The books was pretty good. The book was a great start to the series. The book series is similar to a series of unfortunate events. If you liked the series of unfortunate events books, you will like this book. Or if you are interested in reading this series, I recommend this book. I can't wait to read the next book in the series.

[Ms. B · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fun creepy series for young readers or those looking for a shorter read. First in an eight book series. Like Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events<\i>, you will not want to stop with book 1. You'll want to keep reading to see what happens next to orphans Wally and Cheyenne.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a really interesting book. The character development was good and the suspense was great! I couldn't put it down. I am really looking forward to seeing what kinds of creatures the twins run into in book 2.

[Alison West · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting premise and book. Engaging, read it in one sitting. My 7 year old wasn't into it, but I thought it was kind of neat and strange, and I have the next one in the series to read.

[Robin McCann · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good quick read for lower level readers. Definitely not realistic as the orphans go into a forest with a bunch of huge insects but it did keep me reading.

[Janet · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was really cute. I've been reading some of these middle reader books that were my son's books so I can give them to a friend.

[LeiAnn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sam was skeptical of this one, but it won him over pretty quickly. As we approached the end, he was very concerned that we had the next book ready to start tomorrow!

[Santana Allen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great for kids! It keeps you on your toes!

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

dripping fang is my series of unfortunate events

[Jo !! · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5

Fell off track at the end, but I think it’s overall a perfect kids book!

[RavenNoir]

BCID 307-12873199

[Cora · Rating 5 out of 5]

one of my favorite series growing up

[Ashley · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this to my class of second graders. They enjoyed it, though I question how much they really understood the jokes.

[Keith · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read out of interest, my son had pick it out from the library.

[Drebbles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ten year old twins Wally and Cheyenne Shlufmuffin have a lot of problems. When they were seven they lost their parents and grandmother in a few short days due to tragic accidents involving a Porta Potti, angry bunnies, and a nearsighted eagle. Ever since then they have lived in the Jolly Days Orphanage which is anything but jolly. Both would like to be adopted but they each have a major flaw: Cheyenne is allergic to everything you can be allergic to and Wally's feet stink. Both had given up hope that they'd ever be adopted and are pleasantly surprised when sisters Dagmar and Hedy Mandible want to adopt them. Wally, who always sees the bad side of things, is suspicious of the "Onts" (as they wish to be called), but Cheyenne, who always sees the bright side is thrilled. Turns out that Wally is right to be suspicious because the Onts aren't what they seem to be. Soon Wally and Cheyenne have to deal with giant ants, a haunted forest, giant slugs, killer wolfs, and life-size spiders. The Jolly Days Orphanage is starting to look like a good place to live after all!

"The Onts", the first book in the "Secrets of Dripping Fang" series is one of the funniest children's books that I've ever read. Author Dan Greenburg starts the humor by turning the tradition of having orphans as heroes/heroines on its head by having Wally and Cheyenne's parents die truly bizarre deaths. Greenburg basically takes what is the worst thing a child can imagine and uses it in the book in humorous ways. For example, the kids are treated like they are in the army while in the orphanage. Anything bad that happens to the children - the "Onts", the giant slug, and the wolves - is played for laughs rather than horror. Nothing is subtle in the book, the "rules" that the Onts have is a perfect example: (Rule Number 3: any and all unusual noises or odors that we may notice in Mandible House are none of our business and are never to be asked about). Cheyenne's ability to always look on the bright side is also very funny, especially her reaction when she finds out the truth about the Onts. The Onts are also funny rather than truly scary, I loved Hedy's loving nicknames for Wally and Cheyenne even as she was threatening them. Children will love the grosser parts of the story, like when Hedy and Dagmar collect Cheyenne's snotty tissues. Scott Fischer's illustrations are wonderful and add much to the story. Even the descriptions of the author and illustrator at the back of the book are funny.

Well done!

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Introduction:
It first started out when Dagmar and Heidy say how much they hate human children especially when it comes to the two twins Wally and Cheyenne who live in Cincinnati Ohio. There dad die by drowning in the swamp, but he really did not die he turned into a zombie. When Wally and Cheyenne were adopted by the two Aunt’s, Wally waited till they were asleep and went supping around the house and ended up in the basement, where he found the baby Larva’s. Wally and Cheyenne escaped through their bedroom windows and ran through the forest and ended up at professor Edger’s house. That did not last long because the aunt’s found them and took them. Wally and Cheyenne were at the gas station and escaped through the bathroom window, and ran through the cornfield. Cheyenne was captured by the aunt’s and hypnotize.
Description and summary of content:
In this book there are two giant ants and two twins. Wally and Cheyenne. The aunts were raising baby Larva in their basement to end the human race as we know it. They needed the twins Cheyenne’s snot and Wally’s foot odor. The twins escaped the house and ran into the forest when they came up on a house where the professor Edger and his wife who is a giant spider. The twin’s dad droned in the swamps a few years back and he is now a zombie until Edger gave him some type of drink and it turned him into a vampire.
Evaluation:
I really love this book series because the author is amazing, it’s like every word you read makes you want to keep reading. I also liked how it made you feel like you were there in the middle of the action. I also liked it because of the characters, they were really developed and when you read about the setting you could make out what they were going through. This is just the fourth book of this series out of eight or nine. I will definitely be reading the rest of this series to find out what happens next.
Conclusion:
In conclusion this book was one of the best I’ve read, because it was well written, the characters were well developed and it made you want to keep reading to find out what happened next. It had action and anticipation. I recommend this book series to anyone who loves action, anticipation, and ants wanting to end the human life as we know it.

[Benjamin Elliott · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book is the first in a series of eight books that follow the sufferings and near misses of the Schluffmuffin twins. This review will serve as my review for the whole series.

These books were light reads, coming in around 150 pages or a bit under with some illustrations and a moderate word count per page. However, in that amount of space, the books typically cram in several different episodes with the twins frantically dashing from one misadventure to the next. They always seem to come out the other side reasonably well, but only to be in trouble again a few pages later. These books rarely seem to give the characters a moment to collect themselves and the reader to breathe for a moment before the next imminent disaster is about to take place.

Then, the story suddenly stops after book 8. It seems like there should be more. The Schluffmuffin's could be on the verge of success, but there are many ways that the rug could be pulled out from under them before ultimate success occurs and there are several plot points that don't completely get tied up, which leads me to wonder if there wasn't more to this story planned that got scrapped.

The eight book structure certainly exacerbates this issue with a certain climax having to take place within each book. I think this story would have been better told as a trilogy of books perhaps. The author could have trimmed out some of the random sidelines that were simply added to pad out the series (like the ghouls) and provided a single book arc that focused more on filling in the characterization of the core characters and story, then hopefully provide an actual conclusion to the story in the third book.

That being said, if your third grader really liked other series like A Series of Unfortunate Events and wants something with a scary or supernatural element to them, these books are probably worth sending there way, at least one or two to see if they connect with the story.

[Bexa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the first book in the Secret of Dripping Fang series, and my students love them. There is a good story here, though I find it impressive that so many of the main characters in children's books are orphans. How did this happen? Are there just mass murderers in fairy tale world going around and murdering parents? Anyways, not the point. Wally and Cheyenne Shufflemuffin are orphans, Cheyenne is allergic to everything and sneezes constantly, and Wally has super smelly feet. They live in an orphanage, which of course has too many kids, not enough food, and everyone sleeps on the floor. (Again, don't understand how all orphanages are tragically terrible. Isn't there any regulations, someone needs to look into this.) The owner of the orphanage isn't evil, but she of course expected better for her life than taking care of all these children, so there's a little struggle between being kind and discipline. The children go for a test week with Ont Hedy and Ont Dagmar, and learn there house is deep in the Dripping Fang Forest far outside Cincinnati. They are given a bunch of rule, but Wally, who is ever the pessimist, believes some bad is about to happen. They are correct and now must figure out how to survive.

It was a cute and fun story. And by cute, I don't mean fluffy and full of kittens, more like, made for children cute. Frankly I was hesitant to even read it because Dan Greenburg has lead a crazy life and that gets reflected in his books. I'm also not for creepy things, and the cover and illustration creep me out. There were some gross and creepy things in the story, but it tried to stay upbeat and fun. Good book for third and fourth graders.

[Markus · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not sure how I feel about this book. It's kind of a comedy/horror book for children. Like Series of Unfortunate Events, in that the main characters are orphans that they keep piling extra strength troubles on top of, and yet.. you know.. it's funny.

It's interesting how the book is marketed, that you know that they Aunts are actually giant Ants, so there's no mystery or surprise about it. You kind of wait for the characters to figure out what you knew right from the beginning. That can be a little frustrating as the book seems to give you hints of what you already know. But beyond the Giant Ants then the kids must escape from this gruesome death and that gruesome death to an unsatisfying ending so that you can read the next book in the series.

But if Series of U.E. taught me anything, these books probably won't offer a satisfying ending in the next book either. The name of the game is "put out a series so we can sell lots of books." My big pet peeve with recent offerings is that authors cannot finish a book without saying, "You'll have to read the next one to see if..."

There are funny parts of the book, and it's not as it would be interesting to see if the author will develop the main characters beyond "pessimistic kid with stinky feet," and "optimistic kid with allergies." But I probably won't read the next one just because I recognize the "series" format and I'm not willing to commit to a "maybe it will be good" collection of books.

[Heidi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Twin 10-year-old siblings Wally & Cheyenne Shluffmuffin have been living at Cincinnati's Jolly Days orphanage (where they must do six hours of chores every day) for the past 3 years. Cheyenne sees the good things of life whereas Wally sees only the bad. They're both normal except that Cheyenne is allergic to practically everything and is constantly sneezing or blowing her nose and Wally has a severe case of stinky feet despite washing and scrubbing them with Lysol, vinegar or ammonia.

One Monday afternoon, 2 odd ladies (the Mandible sisters) Hedy and Dagmar decide to adopt the twins. Luckily for Wally & Cheyenne, the Mandible sisters are looking for children with severe allergies and with stinky feet. After arriving at the Mandible home inside the Dripping Fang Forest, the children realize that the "onts" are actually human-sized ants and want to use the twins' abnormalities in a plot to raise an army of super ants to take over the Earth. They both manage to escape into the forest and encounter other creatures who want to eat them.

The ending isn't completely final, but leads the reader to find out more about the characters in a sequel. I would recommend this to readers who enjoy humor and gross elements.

[Carissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

it’s pure fluff, but i found it slightly interesting. this author took the reverse-psychology technique that lemony snicket executed so well and reversed it again! these (surprise, surprise) orphan siblings find themselves at “jolly days orphanage” where, on the surface, everything is lovely, but in reality… not so much. the two children (wally and cheyenne schluffmuffin) have interesting quirks–one has eternally stinky feet, the other is allergic to everything and sneezes constantly. they are brought home by two women (who are “onts,” (aunts) not “ants”) who are specifically looking for children with stinky feet and sneezing. they are given lovely bedrooms and an entirely chocolate supper and told that they must never go into the basement (among other forbidden things) so.. of course, the first thing wally does is? anyone? go into the basement! to find out what he finds in the basement, and to discover how the twins later discover a man who is married to a giant spider, you’ll just have to read the book.

[Marjorie Beausoleil · Rating 4 out of 5]

First thing to know about this review is that I am not a child: I am a mother. I read this book in a day, on and off, as a way of re-connecting with middle grade novels.

I really love the voice of the characters in this book: Wally and Cheyenne are truly unique and their view of the world is charming. The author has a great sense of humor and a original way of presenting things.

My only negative comment would be regarding the first portion of the book where we are presented with what felt like a humoristic grocery list of facts about the setting of the story. This said, once the Onts come into play, the action goes fast and doesn't stop until the end of the book.

I do have a negative comment about the cover though: it takes away a lot of the fun of discovering that the Onts are in fact giant ants. I wonder why they chose to give away one of the main mystery of the book like that.

Anyway, this was my first middle grade novel in quite a long time and I really liked it, so I gave it 4 stars.

[Ruhama · Rating 3 out of 5]

An updated twist on Hansel and Gretel. Twins Wally and Cheyenne live in an orphanage, until the Mandible sisters take them for a trial adoption. Once the twins are at the Mandible house, which is deep in the Dripping Fang Forest, they start to notice a few weird things happening. Wally is uneasy, despite the all-chocolate dinner provided, and when he discovers the sisters’ secret, both twins are in trouble!

This is an interesting take on another Series of Unfortunate Events spin-off, with definite appeal to boys, even if it’s just the title. The writing is good, and characters are likable enough, though I found the Onts (the “proper” way to pronounce Aunt, since the sisters insist they aren’t “ants”) a bit annoying because Greenburg tried too hard. The storyline is a bit gross, but is a nice blend of mystery, action and science fiction and fantasy. A quick, easy read that is sure to be a hit.