How to Get on With Your Colleagues: A guide to better collaboration

by The School of Life

The most difficult aspect of work has nothing to do with profitability or deadlines or competition. It has to do with the immense and beautiful challenges of dealing, on an ongoing basis, with that often amazing but always complicated entity known as the colleague. Our colleagues can be the sources of our greatest joys and they compensate for our weaknesses, enlarge our strengths and aggregate our energies. However, working successfully around others is neither intuitive nor it requires us to communicate effectively, to understand our own minds and blind spots, to master our emotions and to see the world from other people’s perspectives. The School of Life has been working with organisations since its foundation, releasing the latent talents of employees and equipping them with the emotional intelligence required to succeed. This book compresses our learning into a series of lessons on workplace psychology. The result is an essential guide to more profitable, harmonious and happier organisations.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Design, Business, Communication, Philosophy

140 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 23, 2020

About the author

The School of Life is a global organisation helping people lead more fulfilled lives.

We believe that the journey to finding fulfilment begins with self-knowledge. It is only when we have a sense of who we really are that we can make reliable decisions, particularly around love and work.

Sadly, tools and techniques for developing self-knowledge and finding fulfilment are hard to find – they’re not taught in schools, in universities, or in workplaces. Too many of us go through life without ever really understanding what’s going on in the recesses of our minds.

That’s why we created The School of Life; a resource for helping us understand ourselves, for improving our relationships, our careers and our social lives - as well as for helping us find calm and get more out of our leisure hours. We do this through films, workshops, books and gifts - as well as through a warm and supportive community.

Reviews

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good book and I picked it up from the new arrivals at my local library. The book details 12 areas where people struggle and these struggles lead to interpersonal relationship issues at work and outside of work as well. The 12 areas are 1) Defensiveness 2) Poor teaching 3) People pleasing 4) Paranoia 5) Panickiness 6) Naysaying 7) Over-optimism 8) Charmlessness 9) Procrastination 10) Cynicism 11) Frankness and 12) Immaturity.

I believe each of us struggles with at least one of these and the authors describe possible causes for each, exercises to overcome some, and some general commentary for some.

I found this book helpful and would be great to put to use in a team or group setting to help a group progress more quickly through the stages of team or group formation and general training to be more productive and cohesive as a team.

I definitely recommend this book.

[Sean · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although it took just a few hours to read this short book, I feel its impact will last for years to come. I found the entire concept of the book fascinating.

I found it interesting to read about the shifts in the working world, how work has gone from being primarily physical to overwhelmingly mental. These days, the wellbeing of a company depends on whether employees feel heard or if the manager feels they have a sense of purpose in their role. The concept of the book is to use psychotherapy as a way to cope with the complexities at the office.

Despite feeling mature, How to Get On With Your Colleagues lets us know that we may have the emotional age of five in relation to communication, but seventy-five in relation to empathy or self-control.

The first chapter to really resonate with me was the one about people pleasing. "The people pleaser at first appears to be the ideal colleague and human," the book states. It resonated because I got to know not my colleagues, but myself. I am a people pleaser through and through, and found it so interesting to read about myself because I imagine that's how my colleagues perceive me. What I liked most about this, and other chapters, was that they included the origins of a particular personality type, and also ways forward.

This chapter helped me a lot, because as I got to know myself, I started to think about the changes I need to make to get past this roadblock. I also found myself resonating with the procrastination chapter, which I think everyone will relate to.

The book also covers gossip, paranoia, panic, over-optimism, and many other areas and personality types we will encounter in the office. I loved the depth of each chapter, and how I could relate each one to various people that I work with, making it ever more realistic and easier to put into play right here, right now. I felt like the words I was reading, and the exercises I was completing could be put into action immediately.

To conclude, if you work with anyone other than yourself, this is a book work picking up. Actually, even if you work alone, remotely, the book might still resonate since you'll be sure to learn a bit about yourself, too.

Avocado Diaries

[Sarah Klos · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ok ok let me judge this for what it is. An introduction to how to work with certain types of colleagues. It's simply just an introduction. I've read wayyyyy better books about emotional intelligence in the workplace. This book alone is maybe a nice pocket reference, but if you lack the emotional intelligence to handle conflict well, this book might not be all that beneficial. It also blames each type of "colleague difficulties" on something that happened in that person's childhood. I feel like there's more than someone's childhood that contributes to the way people handle conflict, feedback, etc.

Additionally, I think this book is written from a perspective of privilege and forgets to include any guidance on gender, race, or sexuality biases people might have within the categorized personality types. This book might be a good intro, but if you REALLY want to know how to get along with people who are difficult to work with, start somewhere else.

[Synthetic Vox · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quick read, written for the lat person, including exercises/self-reflection activities. The underlying explanations were too pat/simplistic/one-dimensional. People develop mechanisms from a variety of causes in childhood (defensiveness is not solely because you had an over-bearing father). I really enjoyed this and thinking about psychotherapy in workplace more generally. Humans are emotional, and I like the idea of viewing others (and myself) with an eye toward making folks feel less threatened.

[Sofia Robinson · Rating 2 out of 5]

This wouldn’t usually be my type of thing but I was recommended this book by my boss so I gave it a go.

There were actually some insightful moments, my biggest takeaway being that I’ve made an effort to be more empathetic in daily life. However a lot of the observations presented were sadly in the “pop psychology” realm.

If you’ve looked into emotional psychology, anthropology or personality profiles previously, this is a solid introduction. If you have, there’s definitely more worthwhile books out there!

[MKmuses · Rating 4 out of 5]

Surprisingly one of the better books that dived into the origins of personality formation from childhood. I could associate and appreciate the depth and succinct characteristics that the book explores without diving too deeply into psychoanalysis or philosophical objectivities.

Each personality quality has its strengths and weaknesses and the book suggests approaches for improvement. Lessons are applicable to one’s entire life and not just in the workplace.

[Conner Lowes · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was really helpful for gaining a better understanding of myself and my colleagues (even if it was, at times, slightly ambitious). It really presents a psychoanalytical perspective of various personality characteristics, and attempts to draw lines as to why people are the way they are.

It’s not a map, but a compass with which one might navigate average troubles around the office. Would definitely recommend.

[Fed · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book, although very briefly, gives very interesting insights to different personality types to help see beyond impressions and more in the other person's psyche.
Unless done in a proper office environment, the games and exercises it proposes are just for reference. Overall I have enjoyed it even as a personal reading and I would re-read it and recommend it.

[David Birse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Now when a colleague stops you in your tracks, you'll know why...

Once read through, this is a great book to dip in and out of the chapters, as needed. This is number 3 of the set and I recommend you read them all. This book particularly breaks down the colleague you meet in the office, and what is behind their thinking, or lack of thinking.

[Erick Vidal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Overall, I started reading this a lot in my first design job. It helped me grasp how to work with people and understand how I could amplify my work and help my co-workers as well. Although, the book is short, it definitely gave me a better perspective on how to work and understand the workspace psychologically.

[christina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Less a guide "to better collaborate" and more about different personality types and how to better understand their perspectives by understanding the likely root causes of their behaviour. Nothing groundbreaking but like all School of Life books, comforting in its wont of inclusiveness.

[Saba · Rating 3 out of 5]

خوندنش رو به کسانی که به صورت گروهی کار میکنند توصیه میکنم.
دید جامعی از مسکلی که وجود داره به ادم میدهد و باعث میشه از چندین زاویه به قضایا نگاه کنیم و همیشه دیگران را مقصر ندانیم،
همینطور برای هر مشکل یک راه حل هم ارایه میدهد.

[Amy Jane · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good introduction to different personality types and how they can get along better in the workplace with a little compassion and some psychotherapy wisdom. I’m going to need a more in-depth book but this was a great starting point.

[Kanako Okiron · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not only for work, elements of this book can be taken into everyday life. Great writing with enough information and metaphors without sounding too patronising. Took many important notes. I am definitely the Frank person!

[Carlos Ramos · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did not find so much as how to deal with people at work. Moreso, how to deal with people in general, not particularly applied to my co-workers.
While it is a good read, I would not recommend this if you are looking for specific topics covering office environments.

[Barb. D. · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's a neat little book that everyone, including people leaders, will find mildly insightful. Looks like something I can return to when working with different kinds of people, to understand their reactions better.

[Donatas · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short book explaining the struggle of being human in a group/team/organisation

[daintyread · Rating 3 out of 5]

Appreciate the overall sentiment, but it feels rather incomplete. Each segment's real short, so I'm surprised they didn't offer the same sections for each character trait they're tackling.

[Karolina · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's okayish, but I expected something else from the book.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you think that people can be categorised into personality types, then you will find this book informative.

Me? I'm not sure people can be so easily put in a box like that. For example, I may be a peaple pleaser in some situations, or with some people, or because of the project I am working on; at other times,I may not be a people pleaser and be willing to stand up and argue for my opinions on a piece of work.

This book encourages you to place your colleagues, (and yourself) in a box, so you can predict behaviour. That works sometimes, but we should always bear in mind that personality types are much more fluid than we realise - so put a colleague in a box, but leave the lid open as they might move to another in different circumstances or with different people!

Having said all that, it's an interesting and thought-provoking read that will open your eyes to your colleagues behaviour.

[Ricardo Shimoda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book disarms and dispels a huge amount of insecurities and doubts that we might have about ourselves when entering the workforce and arriving at a new position, in a new company - it prepares one's mind and sol to be ready and brave to show vulnerability, ask before taking an impression for granted, and expose (and fight) biases that we might now know we have.

It's a little bit repetitive, though, but I think that the main purpose of such repetition is to make sure we can see that all "roads lead to Rome" - i.e.: all motives we might have for not embracing discomfort lead to the same possible resolution of embracing it and doing something about it - leaning on the problem instead of ignoring it.

[Mahdisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

خب من اول واس این کتاب نظر ننوشتم ولی الان می خوام بگم بعضی از روش ها رو امتحان کردم و واقعا جواب داد.من فعلا دوره کاریم جایی که بودم تموم شده ولی اواخر دوره کاریم با روشای این کتاب خیلی بهم خوش گذشت.بیشتر تونستم با همکارام کنار بیام و جومون صمیمی تر شده بود