Please Don't Make Me Go

by John Fenton

The harrowing true story of one boy's experiences in a brutal 'approved' school for young offenders in '50s London, run by Catholic monks where violence and abuse were rife. Beaten from an early age by his abusive, father, John struggled to fit in at school where his poverty marked him out. When, aged 13, his father brought a charge against him in order to remove him from the family home, John found himself in Juvenile Court -- from here he was sent to the notorious St. Vincent's school, run by a group of Catholic Irish Brothers. Beatings and abuse were a part of daily life -- both from John's fellow pupils, but also from the brothers, all of which was overseen by the sadistic headmaster, Brother De Montfort. Tormented physically and sexually by one boy in particular, and by the Brothers in general, John quickly learnt to survive but at the cost of the loss of his childhood. Please don't make me go, tells in heart-rending detail the day-to-day lives of John and the other boys -- the beatings, the weapons fashioned from toilet chains and stones, the loneliness -- but we also see the development of John's love of reading, his growing friendship with Father Delaney and his best friend, Bernard, and his unstinting love for his mother whom he feared was suffering at the hands of his violent father. A painfully, brutally honest account, Please don't make me go is also an example of the resilience of the human spirit as it documents how John learnt to survive and come through his ordeal.

Genres: Nonfiction, True Crime, Biography, True Story, Memoir, Abuse

344 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2008

Reviews

[Geno]

I was frankly disappointed in this book. At times it came across as a rather violent boy scout camp. The mention of drives out to take part in sporting contests, ballroom dancing lessons, police being called in didn't ring true! Although it might have been for those times. It wasn’t at later dates

These kind of places usually get better as the years go by and as society allows less punishment...this approve school seems to have been the exception. I know this because I was in it 1969 - 71.

Caning was indeed rare being considered too normal a punishment, but a casual beating, regardless of the author’s assurances, continued and was an everyday occurrence!

Boys who were beaten so severely, either by staff or other boys, they needed treatment, were not taken to hospital or referred to the police but hid in a room called 10 bed until they mended. Again I know this as fact being one of those boys.


So many inconsistencies within this book and the 'gentling' down of the violence really angered me to the point I feel I need to be the voice of the boys who suffered after the author claims to have changed the violence of the brothers.
He didn’t!
There are boys out here who never got closure to the pain they experienced in this place.

This being the case I will endeavor to give us boys who still carry the physical and mental scars a chance to tell how it was just before it turned into a community home. Ill write a book that actually tells the full story of St Vincent’s and its Staff both brothers and masters.
Of how the authorities left the boys to the mercy of these degenerates. Governors meetings, police called in! Not in my day. We saw no one say those who abused us.

One of the things I did get from the book is how Brother Ambrose got his name (Nutty) If that is indeed the case. The man indeed did have mental health problems and yet he was a brother superior at this school!

The brothers mentioned I didn't know save for Bro De Montford... he was headmaster at this den of iniquity more than once, leaving to return to his place of crime. I carry a burn scar on my foot courtesy of this Christian brother, and he was not the worse there. The staff were just as given to wanton violence and molestation.

To sum up the book, the author seems to have been at the school when it was more liberal and the brothers more humane, they turned out violent and damaged boys…as for the many mention of Jesus..I am still rated a Catholic but I’d would spit in the face of Jesus for the deeds we suffered at the hands of his ‘soldiers’

[Stefanie Ewen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was between 3-4** but defaulted up to 4

[Jessy6066 · Rating 5 out of 5]

OMFG! This book is awesome! i loved it, it truely is magnificent. i love the way he helps his mother, and has so much love for her! i cant imagen what he went through, but i fell so sorry for him to have to go through such volatile behavior. His friend Bernie sounds like a nice guy, whom i would hang out with if i got the chance.

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

How can you say a great read knowing the heartache John Fenton went thru. 2017 is with us and things haven't really changed, but knowing these atrocities are now being bought to light, I take my hat off to you John for your steadfastness. Would love to know where those photos ended up. Your courage is worth bottling. Thanks for sharing your life with me.

[Rachael Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

excellent book. i started reading it at 10pm last night till 7am in the morning oops and ive just finished it now. it is such a say story but a happy ending and im now glad he is retired with his family in cumbria x x

[Chloe-Louise Finch · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book we are here to talk about today is Please Don’t Make Me Go by John Fenton.
This book was published in 2008, it’s 344 pages long.
This is John’s first and only book. I'm not to sure if there will be any more books by him. He was born in April on twenty second in 1944 and that would make him 73 (in 2017)
The book is told in a first-person point of view. This book has Non-fiction, True Crime and Abuse on Memoirs. It tells a true story of John’s experiences in an 'approved' school for young offenders Which was in the 50s in London. The school was runied by Catholic monks where violence and abuse were a common experience.
John was Beaten from an early age by his abusive, father, He also struggled to fit in at school where his poverty marked him out. When, aged 13, his father brought a charge against him in order to remove him from the family home, after Things turn for the worse when he defends his mother from his father's beatings and threatens him with a knife.

the courts through him in a juvenile home for a couple of weeks. He liked it; he was not bullied and he didn't fear his father. At the end of the 2 weeks, he told the court he liked the juvenile home. For being out of control, he was sentenced to 3 years in an approved school which is another juvenile home it was well known and called St. Vincent’s school, The school was run by a group of Catholic Irish Brothers.
Beatings and abuse were a part of daily life – both from John’s fellow pupils, but also from the brothers, John also experienced physical and sexual abuse by one boy in particular
all of which was overseen by the sadistic headmaster, Brother De Montfort.
John quickly learnt to survive but at the cost of the loss of his childhood.


I give this book 5/5

I Couldn't put this book down. it’s a down to earth account of all that happened to John.
I found that when I started reading, that it was a gripping read but on a positive side, it's a book more about overcoming the bullies within the system.
I think that This book should be taken as a training manual to overcome bullying.
it is an inspirational novel of the highest degree.
I do feel that perhaps it should have been promoted in a more positive way. When I read the description I was in two minds as to whether I wanted to read it.
it was told in such a way that makes one feel that one is actually there as events off his life unfold.
i love the way John helps his mother, and has so much love for her! Even the good guys in the story such as Father Delaney and Tom Banks who disapproved of the caning and helped John whenever possible were unable to stop the violence. His friend Bernie sounds like a nice guy, whom i would hang out with.
Through all the turmoil, John learned to look after himself, stayed loyal to his Mum, and kept his faith in the Roman Catholic faith.
As I was reading this book, I kept muttering "bastard". There were many rotten people in young John’s life.
The graphic detail and with the fact that you know this is a true story make it all the more heart breaking
It also makes one understand how an innocent and timid boy can become a downright hardened thug
and even forgive him for his violent acts.
Inspirational true account of what should never have happened to a good loving boy due to his brutish father. The story is fast moving, It is sad in places. I was laughing out loud one minute then crying the next.
and the twist.
it had me jumping for joy.

Although it's not to be taken lightly as this person did endure unreasonable discipline and constant bullying throughout his time within the school, it did show the determination of how someone can come through to the other side.
The book is richly-decorated with cuss words, smoking breaks, gory fistfights, and ways of a thug, which was eventually defined for John. Underneath his hostile demeanor, John finds solace in reading books, working for Father Delaney in the chapel, and above all, his love for his mother which gets him through it all. While Fenton's book may be too much for a young adult reader, it is overall, a good read.
John is a gifted writer who kept my attention throughout.
It has everything a good book needs and it's true. John Fenton is a 'hero' in my eyes. His story his heart breaking and will have you in tears
it took my breath away with how horrible life was back in those times.
is full of deep rooted emotions and really brings out the cruelty
which many were subjected too.

He is graphic in his descriptions and has the art of being able to transport readers into years gone by.
.
I would of liked to have a bit more on what was happening in john's life in the epilogue at the end.
I Would liked to know where those photos ended up.
i would like to see it become a film or a TV show as i feel it would be very successful.
I say share this book with as many people as possible. We must never return to this.
After reading this book I did a bit of research I found it disturbing which is about De Montfort O'SullivanDe the Headmaster, was Headmaster in 1956 to 1970.
And then after several more Headmasters, he was Headmaster again in 1978 to 1981.
leaving to return to his place of crime

[Jan · Rating 3 out of 5]

A sad true story of a little English boy who's story starts in 1958 west London. He is raised by a violent, sadistic father and a loving Mother who is unable to protect her son from his father's beatings. At thirteen John stands up to his father, whose rage at John leads to sending him to St Vincent's school run by a group of Catholic Irish Brothers. This is his story of his fight to survive and the destruction of his innocent childhood.

I'm glad these stories are being told to expose some of the ugly truths about some of these "approved schools". You can't help but think John would have turned out a different child in a totally supportive environment.

[Kaye Arnold · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quite a good book about the terrible abuse some boys were exposed to in the late 1950's, England, at Borstal type schools for the unruly. The writer covers a period of about three years from when his father convinced the courts to send his son away. John had not done anything wrong, except stand up to his wife-beating dad. The story has graphic details of canings and beatings that students received from both their teachers and other students. While most of what is covered is not new news, it is still mind-blowing how this abuse was hidden from those that could have stopped it.

[Sheza Safrin · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bitter sad story ...Well!!!its a long book..I have read 344 pages for the first time..I waited for the climax that the person who caused author john fenton the more crisis should be punished...After his return from ardale he must have told 'Daily mirrors' to take up the photo which is hidden and be published...am disappointed in his way...yet!!! A good book which describes the problem faced by the author in his juvenile ...

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking. I have great respect for John for all he had to go through and experience. With an abusive Irish father with a temper how his mother and he survived is beyond me. The priests in the 50's were no better. How they got away with the I'll treatment of young boys sent to them is scandalous. John I salute you. Thank you for sharing your story. Needless to say I could not put your book down.

[Lara Vehar · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one took me a while to finish because it was quite a hard read. What kids went through... Man I am not even shocked that most of them became thugs and went to prison later in life. I wish that the book told us more about what happened to John after he got out - but other than that, a pretty harsh read that will leave you in tears.

[Elleis · Rating 4 out of 5]

some times I find it hard to believe and parent would go to the lengths To do what they had done!

the fight or flight mode must of been activated almost every second of the day, and to have one friend to stick by you through the darkest days must be something he will cherish forever.

is a very sad beginning of the book but by the end you felt a sense of happiness.

[Roslyn Walton · Rating 3 out of 5]

It took me a while to finish this book, it was really heavy. I was surprised at how much of the book centred around the boys home, I thought it might have more about his life afterwards, and how the boys home impacted that. It was really interesting to read but I wouldn’t read it again.

[Stacey Ormsby · Rating 5 out of 5]

A shocking story of the truly horrific abuse suffered by so many young boys at the hands of Christian brothers. I have real admiration for the one priest who offered him friendship and respite in an unrelenting world- reading about their relationship was the only positive through this memoir.

[Wabu Ngure · Rating 5 out of 5]

A page turner. Read it in record time. It's amazing what a human can persevere and the resilience in the face of adversity.
I still get shocked about how some human beings can be evil

[Louise Bucksey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing

[Aleisha]

Very sad to hear what John went through in this one April!! 3.7

[Gervan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good book, am enjoying reading it.

[Susan Bramhald · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a really good read what really happens inside a Roman Catholic Church is unbelievable.

[Nikla · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like a story of resilience, i have recommended it to others so it was good.

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a story. True story written by John and so very sad what he had to endure during is young formative years.

[Katie Carpenter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved readying this book, finished it within 3 days as I couldn’t put it down

[Jo K Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a powerful true life book. So many injustices done to the individual child. Harrowing in places very dark.

[Tito Quiling, Jr. · Rating 4 out of 5]

My misconception about this book is that it basically exposes clerical abuse, and that's it. As it turns out, Please Don't Make Me Go (2008) is a biography by John Fenton, which retells the author's experiences as a juvenile "delinquent" in an approved school (a reformatory institution cum trade school).

Although my knowledge of London in the 1950s is quite limited, one would be able to set the actions right in that era as vivid details are provided althroughout the book. As a child, John grew up with an abusive, absentee father, and lives in fear of him, as well as his mother. In addition, he is continually bullied in school, creating a negative environment in his formative years. Things turn for the worse when he defends his mother from his father's beatings and threatens him. This gives him a ticket to St. Vincent's for three years.

His life in St. Vincent's, ran by monks, is not much of an improvement, but it molds John into a tough, yet violent individual. His three years consisted of canings from the brothers (with the exception of Father Delaney), bullying from upperclassmen, including being sexually abused. Throughout all of these torments, he has forged a formidable friendship with Bernard and other boys in St. Vincent's.

The book is richly-decorated with cuss words, smoking breaks, gory fistfights, and ways of a thug, which was eventually defined for John. Underneath his hostile demeanor, John finds solace in reading books, working for Father Delaney in the chapel, and above all, his love for his mother which gets him through it all. While Fenton's autobiography may be too much for a young adult reader, it is overall, a good read.

[Fiona · Rating 3 out of 5]

As I was reading this book, I kept muttering "bastard". There were many rotten people in young John Fenton's life.

This is the true story of the author growing up in the suburbs of London in the late 1950's. His father was always beating up his mother and he was bullied at school. Finally, at the age of 13, he took a knife and threatened his father with it during one of his mother's beatings. The father had the courts through him in a juvenile home for a couple of weeks. He liked it; he was not bullied and he didn't fear his father. At the end of the 2 weeks, he told the court he liked the juvenile home. For being out of control, he was sentenced to 3 years in an approved school which is another juvenile home. This new home, St Vincent's, was run by monks who believed in caning. Young John learned that to not be bullied, he had to fight back which meant he would be caned if caught. This happened several times. He was also sexually assault by an older boy.

Even the good guys in the story such as Father Delaney and Tom Banks who disapproved of the caning and helped John whenever possible never stopped the violence.

Through all the turmoil, he learned to look after himself, stayed loyal to his Mum, and kept his faith in the Roman Catholic faith.

I cried throughout the book. Poor John. I believe in violence begets violence. I hope John learned how to break that cycle.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book from start to finish. I am only disappointed by the fact that it took me so long to read it due to university and work commitments.

I have read a lot of memoirs and this is by far one of my favourites. That seems such an odd thing to say about such a harrowing story but John Fenton connects with you through his writing in such a way.

His writing style is casual and relaxed yet inciteful and wise. You are able to connect with teenage John with such ease because of the writing style. I am more than aware of the various abuse that occurs so frequently around the word in numerous settings but how John turned his life around is admirable. His love and support of his friends and family, his love of reading and his eagerness to learn made me want to have been friends with John at the time. John's relationship with Father Delaney filled me with such warmth as I read through the book. Such a lovely man who did more for John than he probably ever realised.

I would definitely recommend this book despite its dark and unsettling topic. I almost wish John had to spend more time in his second school so I could have read all about his love for reading and education as he got to experience it and further his knowledge. Definitely a 5 star read!

[Kanwal Ahmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This Is a really nice book which I would recommend to people , it's really intriguing and the fact that it's a true story written about none other than the author himself makes it much more amazing and interesting. It shows that how determined the boy was to fight back and he did fight back and was victorious. The concept of doers and dreamers is really inspiring. Hats off to John Fenton , the writer who changed my mind about a lot of things in my life :)

[Sianne Morrison · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a heart breaking story. This is a story about a boy who wouldn't let the system break him. A horrible home life, horrible childhood, but in the end with the support of a very few, he made something of himself. It is horrifying that anyone could treat little children with this level of violence in the name of rehabilitation and conformation to the system.

[Patsy Chilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

So very sad to know this type of treatment went on in these places. Catholic brothers … cruel and sick..
Very interesting read for me… wish he would have elaborated more on the part from getting out of prison and making a normal life for himself.

[Rina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Inspirational and a must read