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The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired
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The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired

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4.23  ·  Rating details ·  1,315 ratings  ·  160 reviews
Parenting isn’t easy. Showing up is. Your greatest impact begins right where you are. Now the bestselling authors of The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline explain what this means over the course of childhood.

“There is parenting magic in this book.”—Michael Thompson, Ph.D., co-author of the New York Times bestselling classic Raising Cain

One of the very best scienti
...more
Kindle Edition, 256 pages
Published January 7th 2020 by Ballantine Books
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Carol Farrington If you have a library card it is free to borrow. Then if you decide you want a copy of your own it is $18.99 on Amazon.

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Average rating 4.23  · 
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 ·  1,315 ratings  ·  160 reviews


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Nursebookie
We all want to become better parents for our children and yet our children did not come with a HOW TO or a book of instructions. Fear not, because this book lays it out in a very clear, no fluff, and easy to read book outlining in an easy to remember guide full of examples and scenarios.
It is no surprise the success of our children is dependent on how present we are for them and will actually serve as a predictor for their success in life as far as their personal and academic success, the develo
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Whitney
Jan 12, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: nonfiction, parenting
Thank you to Random House for the free ARC. I am not a huge fan of parenting books, but this one is exactly what I needed to read, and wish I'd read 5 years ago when I became a part. The authors' writing style is so accessible and easy to digest, while still packing in so much great information. They focus on how to show up for our kids physically and emotionally, and how giving them the Four S's helped our kids learn healthy relational attachment with us and sets them up for success in life.

The
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Genevieve Trono
Dec 22, 2019 rated it it was amazing
When I saw that authors Siegel and Bryson were releasing a new parenting book, I couldn't request The Power of Showing Up fast enough! Their past writing has been such a formative part of my own parenting.

Siegel and Bryson always share their knowledge, research, and experiences in an accessible and compassionate way. While they have decades of work in this area they make brain development and psychology approachable and easy to understand have the ability to write in a way that makes you feel he
...more
Nabeel Hassan
Feb 02, 2020 rated it really liked it
Apply the book 4 A in your parenting style to see the result today and future in your kids.
Scribe Publications
In this encouraging and empowering book, psychiatrist Siegel (Aware) and clinical social worker Bryson provide steps for parents and caregivers to help children attain success and “feel at home in the world” ... Thanks to this excellent work, Siegel and Payne will leave readers with an empathetic and helpful philosophy to apply to their own parenting.
Publishers Weekly

At a cultural moment when many kids feel more competition with their parents’ devices than with their siblings, Daniel Siegel
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Bruin Mccon
Jan 05, 2020 rated it really liked it
Shelves: netgalley
“When we know our kids in a direct and truthful way, they learn to know themselves that way, too.”

The Power of Showing Up is the fourth in the quartet of parenting books by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson.

First things first. I was excited to get my hands on an advance review copy of this book because I have two other books written by this duo and they are top-notch. I’ve read a lot of parenting books but these are the ones that have stayed with me through my entire parenting journey thus far
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BookOfCinz

I saw this book on a list and I decided to give it a read because this is a book I generally would not read but I was curious about. I don't want to have kids but I am really interested in how one should parent responsible. Even though I don't see myself as a parent, I do have a lot of friends who are parents, expecting or aunties & uncles so this book was very insightful. Also, even though I don't want to be a parent it doesn't mean I don't want to learn how to have a great impact on the childr
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Laura Hanes (Gestal)
Jan 29, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Daniel Siegel has written my favorite books on parenting and this book continues to explain how our growing knowledge of brain science and neuroplasticity can inform and improve our parenting choices and our relationship with our children.

This book gets more into how attachment effects our children’s development and how our own attachment to primary caregivers in childhood shapes our default reactions in all our relationships. The steps presented to help you develop a secure attachment with your
...more
Kat Ayres
Nov 01, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Wow. SO many parts of this book resonated with me and brought me to tears. I long suspected that I had an insecure ambivalent attachment style, due to the way I was raised and how my mother was with me. This book confirmed it and has renewed my intention to give my son a better life than what I had. Everyone should read this book, even if you dont have excessive amounts of childhood trauma.
Kristen
Feb 29, 2020 rated it liked it
Shelves: nonfiction
Very repetitive writing - this material could easily have been presented as a long-ish article. The substance makes sense though, and strikes me as generally good parenting advice.
Tiffany
Feb 13, 2021 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
If you are anxious about screwing up your child (as I always am) this book is a nice antidote. It’s easy to read, clear, and it makes you realize that a lot of the small stuff you do naturally is actually the big stuff in the long run. This is a reassuring place to start reflecting on the parents you had, and the parent you want to be. I would recommend starting this after the newborn haze has lifted, but before the tantrum phase descends.
Michelle Beginandendwithbooks
Feb 12, 2020 rated it really liked it
The book emphasizes that our ultimate goal as parents is to cultivate secure attachment in our children in order to help set them up for a healthy sense of identity, quality relationships, and academic/professional success—ultimately, resilience and independence. As parents, we must help our children feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure and the book focuses on these ideas. The book asks parents to reflect on their own childhood experiences and examine the type of attachment the parent received, ...more
Toni Daniels
Nov 18, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Absolutely LOVE this book. Dr. Siegel does it again. Inspiring, practical and rewarding. Must read if you are a parent!
Lindsey Thompson
Mar 16, 2020 rated it liked it
My goodness, if you’re like me and struggle with enough mom guilt on a regular basis, don’t read this book. Had some good tips about helping your kids feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure, but it also used weird examples. For example, to help understand what “seen” means the author used an example of a father who didn’t know why his baby was crying and was also getting Mc impatient about the baby crying and interrupting his book-reading (I think we have all been there on both accounts if we are ...more
Crystal Gao
Mar 16, 2020 rated it liked it
The first part of the book is used to making a case for the parental presence. If you are already convinced, you can skip this part and go straight to "how".

The authors talk about the 4 S - 1) Safe, 2) Seen, 3) Soothe and 4) Secure. For each point, there are pretty detailed discussions of why and how. The discussions are important because the authors want to be sure that readers understand they are not advocating to spoil the children, but to accept who they are. There are examples that help il
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Chapter Ichi
Feb 10, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is an honest and realistic look at parenting and how we can truly be there for our children as they develop. The key is to 'show up'. Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson have created the answer for parents, children, teachers and students. Here is a book which delves into how we can be present in children's daily lives, providing the 'Four S's - Safe, Seen, Soothed and Secure'. As a parent we often worry about how our daily interactions could be better or how we can help our child more. There are ...more
Adam
Apr 01, 2020 rated it really liked it
This is a really, really important book. But, I think the authors didn't quite give the subject material the right presentation to have the impact it should. I think this is some of the most important science for parenting that is out there. While the authors don't use jargon and the authors use very clear language to say what their research has shown, I think that with the lack of examples of using each step (there are some, but minimal) parents are left a little empty handed on how it feels an ...more
George
Feb 12, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Wondering how you help the little person in your life get ready for the big world? This book provides an insightful method you can do this by applying four Ss, 1) Safe, 2) Seen, 3) Soothe and 4) Secure. The authors do well to highlight that you don't need to be a perfect parent and that we often make mistakes. But by applying these principles you can make your child feel like they are heard, they matter and have a secure base with which to guide their way. The book does well to offer a neurologi ...more
Genevieve Trono
When I saw that authors Siegel and Bryson were releasing a new parenting book, I couldn't request The Power of Showing Up fast enough! Their past writing has been such a formative part of my own parenting.

Siegel and Bryson always share their knowledge, research, and experiences in an accessible and compassionate way. While they have decades of work in this area they make brain development and psychology approachable and easy to understand have the ability to write in a way that makes you feel he
...more
Robert
Feb 19, 2020 rated it liked it
Shelves: health
The scientific basis of this book is attachment theory, which claims that for proper emotional development children need to develop a "secure attachment" to at least one adult figure.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachm...

The theory seems to have pretty strong scientific support.

But attachment theory has been around for a long time, so what's new with this book?

It seems the main goal is to explain how to actually APPLY attachment theory in practise.

The explanations are extremely easy to underst
...more
Becki
Dec 18, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I'm so glad I read this book. It was illuminating to me both as a daughter and as a mother. My children are young adults now (18 and 19), and I found myself wishing I had known this information when they were young. The concepts are still pertinent, though, and I will be looking for opportunities to continue to "show up" for my kids, even at this stage.

As a teacher, though, I found my mind continually drifting to classroom applications. After reading this, I felt like I better understood my stu
...more
Becki
Dec 18, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: arc, parenting
I'm so glad I read this book. It was illuminating to me both as a daughter and as a mother. My children are young adults now (18 and 19), and I found myself wishing I had known this information when they were young. The concepts are still pertinent, though, and I will be looking for opportunities to continue to "show up" for my kids, even at this stage.

As a teacher, though, I found my mind continually drifting to classroom applications. After reading this, I felt like I better understood my stu
...more
Jessica
Nov 28, 2019 rated it really liked it
Thanks to the publisher for the free review copy.

I absolutely loved the whole-brain child and was excited to read this book by the same authors.

My top two takeaways from this book were 1) you don’t have to be a perfect parent. Just showing up and supporting your kid is what matters most. And 2) insights into how you were raised impacting how you parent. This is obvious but they actually explain it based on how the brain works which was fascinating.

The thing I love about these authors is that th
...more
Keith Orach
Nov 04, 2019 rated it it was amazing
The power of showing up. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️. Thank you to @life_well_read for suggesting this self help book and to netgalley for the advanced read. Who is hardest on a person as a parent? The parent themselves. I know I am. We all feel we never do the right thing, never try hard enough, and just are not perfect. This book tells you that you don’t need to be perfect, just be there for your child. Teach them the value of support and comfort, that even with mistakes a parents’s love will never waiver and ...more
Beth Kakuma-Depew
This book does a good job spelling out attachment patterns. And then shows how they plays out into adulthood and can shape how adults raise their children. The message is hopeful, that no matter what attachment pattern you were raised with, you can give your children a more secure childhood.

There's a bunch of cutsy drawings and some corny phrases, like "Mindsight". In my opinion those make it hard to take the books basic message seriously.

I did enjoy that this book was aimed at parents of older
...more
Emily Monroe
Feb 29, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Another insightful book from the authors of No Drama Discipline and The Whole Brain Child. "Showing Up" is geared for parents and includes a lot of practical advice on how to help kids develop well cognitively and how to relate better to our children. I was pleasantly surprised at what I got out of this book, because there is a lot of solid info and "next steps" thought exercises to help me think through how I was raised and how that affects my relationships and the way I think. I would recommen ...more
Kat Ayres
Nov 01, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Wow. SO many parts of this book resonated with me and brought me to tears. I long suspected that I had an insecure ambivalent attachment style, due to the way I was raised and how my mother was with me. This book confirmed it and has renewed my intention to give my son a better life than what I had. Everyone should read this book, even if you dont have excessive amounts of childhood trauma.
Eli Johnson
Jan 16, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2020, learning
The philosophy and science behind the four S’s - safe, seen, soothe, secure attachment - was presented in a way that was challenging without being demeaning, and hopeful without being naive. As a parent and an educator, I’ve gained some valuable insights in how to approach children I care for in ways that seek to develop a secure attachment (and I honestly learned how that’s not coddling)
Hannah
Jan 23, 2020 rated it it was amazing
As a parent who tries really hard, makes mistakes and occasionally beats herself up for not being the perfect parent, this book was so reassuring. Turns out you don’t have to be a perfect parent to raise great kids. You just have to “show up”. This books gives you the why and the how. A great resource.
Emily
Jul 22, 2020 rated it really liked it
A well-researched, concise, and simplified message on how to be a better parent: be present. This book explains what, why, and how to do this. Though simple, its a powerful and much needed message, especially in today's world of infinite distractions. I appreciated the compassionate tone of learning, practicing showing up, and making repairs when you don't. Children don't need extra things or extra activities, they just need (a present) you.

-"Showing up means what it sounds like: it means being
...more
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Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., is an internationally acclaimed author, award-winning educator, and child psychiatrist. Dr. Siegel received his medical degree from Harvard University and completed his postgraduate medical education at UCLA with training in pediatrics and child, adolescent and adult psychiatry. He is currently a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, where he also ...more

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“It means being there for your kids. It means being physically present, as well as providing a quality of presence. Provide it when you’re meeting their needs; when you’re expressing your love to them; when you’re disciplining them; when you’re laughing together; even when you’re arguing with them.” 0 likes
“A colleague and friend, Jack Kornfield, has a great way of thinking about this important process: Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past. In this way, we forgive not to condone, not to say it was fine, but to let go of false illusions that we can change the past.” 0 likes
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