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Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You
Learn how to heal from the destructive hold of shame and codependency by implementing eight steps that will empower the real you and lead to healthier relationships.
the torment you feel when you’re exposed, humiliated, or rejected; the feeling of not being good enough. It’s a deeply painful and universal emotion, yet is not frequently discussed.
For some, shame lurks in the unconscious, undermining self-esteem, destroying confidence, and leading to codependency. These codependent relationships--where we overlook our own needs and desires as we try to care for, protect, or please another--often cover up abuse, addiction, or other harmful behaviors.
Shame and codependency feed off one another, making us feel stuck, never able to let go, move on, and become the true self we were meant to be.
In Conquering Shame and Codependency, Darlene Lancer sheds new light on how codependents’ feelings and beliefs about shame affect their identity, their behavior, and how shame can corrode relationships, destroying trust and love. She then provides eight steps to heal from shame, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships.
the torment you feel when you’re exposed, humiliated, or rejected; the feeling of not being good enough. It’s a deeply painful and universal emotion, yet is not frequently discussed.
For some, shame lurks in the unconscious, undermining self-esteem, destroying confidence, and leading to codependency. These codependent relationships--where we overlook our own needs and desires as we try to care for, protect, or please another--often cover up abuse, addiction, or other harmful behaviors.
Shame and codependency feed off one another, making us feel stuck, never able to let go, move on, and become the true self we were meant to be.
In Conquering Shame and Codependency, Darlene Lancer sheds new light on how codependents’ feelings and beliefs about shame affect their identity, their behavior, and how shame can corrode relationships, destroying trust and love. She then provides eight steps to heal from shame, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships.
248 pages, Paperback
First published June 3, 2014
382 people are currently reading
1006 people want to read
About the author
Darlene Lancer
13 books76 followersI'm a Marriage and Family Therapist and author of "Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist," "Codependency for Dummies, "Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Free Your True Self," and 7 ebooks: "How to Speak Your Mind - Become Assertive and Set Limits," "Spiritual Transformation in the Twelve Steps," "Freedom from Guilt and Blame - Finding Self-Forgiveness," "Dealing with a Narcissist - 8 Steps to Raise Self-Esteem and Set Boundaries with Difficult People," "Codependency Daily Reflections," "I'm Not Perfect - I'm Only Human," - How to Beat Perfectionism, and "10 Steps to Self-Esteem." PDF's of all ebooks are available on my website and in other formats at online booksellers.
I specialize in relationships, narcissism, and codependency, and have treated individuals and couples for over 35 years. Enjoy articles, blogs, and a Free PDF, "14 Tips for Letting Go," at my site, www.whatiscodependency.com. You can join the journey at www.facebook.com/codependencyrecovery, or follow me on Twitter @darlenelancer, Instagram @darlenelancerLMFT, and Youtube.
I specialize in relationships, narcissism, and codependency, and have treated individuals and couples for over 35 years. Enjoy articles, blogs, and a Free PDF, "14 Tips for Letting Go," at my site, www.whatiscodependency.com. You can join the journey at www.facebook.com/codependencyrecovery, or follow me on Twitter @darlenelancer, Instagram @darlenelancerLMFT, and Youtube.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews
September 10, 2018
Notes of Interest:
I usually start my reviews by talking about how or why I read a book. This time, my reasons are personal and so varied I wouldn’t know where to begin explaining them, even if I wanted to. Suffice to say, I’d heard the term “codependency” thrown around a few times, and assumed it meant two people who were dependent on each other to a harmful extent. But I never really paid attention to it beyond that, until I watched a TV show that brought up the topic. Out of curiosity, I Googled it. And to my surprise, I had the description and definition all wrong. In one sense codependency is like being addicted to an addict, but it is so much more. It was no surprise, however, to discover I had 16 out of 20 traits for codependency … according to a little quiz I found. I was so blown away by how much influence this previously unknown term had over my life, from childhood all through adulthood. So, I had to find out more.
I downloaded two e-books on the subject, and this was the first. This book is so relevant to my life that every page has at least one highlight or note. Before I do reviews, I always look back over my notes and highlights to see if there’s anything I could insert into the review as a quote or example of whatever topic I’m discussing. But as I scrolled through my notes and highlights this time, I laughed. There’s literally something from every page! So, there is no way I can condense everything I want to say about this book into one little blog review, but I will try to hit the major take-aways.
What could have made it better for me:
This book uses very clear language and has well-researched content presented with maximum relativity. It’s well-organized and easy to follow. No technical errors pulled my attention away. And I love that each chapter ends with questions to work on as a follow-up activity in a journal.
I have no suggestions for improvements. It was educational, useful, and met my expectations perfectly. And as always, I love it when I can find nothing to say under this heading.
What I liked about it:
Besides what I’ve already said, this book starts out discussing shame and the differences between shame and guilt. The reason for the focus on shame is because the author saw so many codependency connections to shame that she felt it deserved a book all to itself. She discusses the sources of shame in our lives and how they can lead to codependent behaviors traits. As she puts it, “Shame and disconnection from our authentic self lie at the core of codependency and addiction.” And of course, she explains what codependency is and what the traits are, and a little bit of background on how the term has evolved in modern therapy.
This book taught me that the list of symptoms for codependency is long and often seems contradictory. Low self-esteem, self-sacrifice, and inability to express feelings are all major traits of codependency — in other words, being a doormat. But an inflated sense of self-esteem, assertiveness, perfectionism, and manipulation of others are also codependency traits because there are different kinds of codependents and different circumstances that breed codependency.
One of the main traits of codependency is the presence of a loved one who has an addiction or some other form of compulsive behavior which, intentionally or unintentionally, controls the lives of those around him. It could be an alcoholic or drug addict. Or the compulsive behavior could take the form of shopping, sex, gambling, gaming or other addictions. The compulsive behavior could be an eating disorder. It could even be behavior compelled by religious or social customs. For the codependent, the type of addiction is secondary. In fact the addict is usually another codependent, since codependency often leads to compulsive behaviors. But the compulsive and codependent behaviors are always self-destructive and destructive to those around them. It takes only one person with a compulsive behavior disorder to affect as many as 10-20 people around them, producing codependents among spouses, children, parents, friends, and co-workers.
I learned there are three kinds of codependents. She could be an accommodater who builds her world around the addict, trying to keep him happy, trying to be the glue that holds things together, trying to love and rescue, trying to be loyal, sacrificing herself and her life to keep things as calm and smooth as possible. Or codependents can be masters of manipulation, needing to control everyone else around them in order for them to be happy and comfortable and okay. There is an in-between type of codependent, too — the bystander who distances herself and emotionally detaches leaving a void in the relationship. But most codependents are a combination of these traits depending on the circumstances. The codependent can become depressed and distraught, or enraged, when her efforts to control the situation or rescue the person fail. The codependent is someone whose reason for being lies outside of herself, who is so invested in someone else’s life that she loses touch with herself and her own identity. The codependent abandons her own life to serve and manage someone else’s, and in doing so, she feels loved or needed, and is always trying to control the situation, or is always being controlled by the situation.
This book puts most of its effort into education about the topic: breaking down the sources of codependency, the traits of codependency, and the types of codependency. The author points out that codependency is a learned pattern of behavior that is usually passed on generation to generation. So, learning how to identify it can unravel past abuses, uproot illogical thinking or harmful decisions as a result, and make us aware, so that we can not only recover from current bad relationships, but hopefully break the cycle before it takes root in good or new relationships.
The book ends with discussion and steps on how to do that, and I can summarize it in two words: self care. Once you discover and confront the roots of codependency, you can learn how to put your life back together by building your self-esteem, learning how to take care of yourself, and letting go of being victimized by other people’s problems. Detach and focus on yourself. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary because it returns responsibility for each person’s life to him or her self.
“By caring for your precious, vulnerable self, you become empowered. You stop relying on your defenses or others for your contentment. By loving yourself, you can begin to love and relate deeply and authentically to others.” (Diane Lancer, Conquering Shame and Codependency) The takeaway here is the act of learning how to be content from within yourself, rather than needing something or someone outside of yourself to provide contentment or fulfillment for you.
Recommendation:
Learning and reading about codependency has been a huge eye-opener for me. It has already changed my life in small, subtle ways. But as the book says, recovery is about aiming for progress, not perfection. “Recovery is a journey of self-discovery rather than a destination.” (Darlene Lancer, Conquering Shame and Codependency) Rediscovering 20-year-old me, the one who got buried underneath the abuse, the people pleasing expectations, the shame, and the extremist culture of my upbringing (and all of its long-reaching consequences), has led to the most authentic sense of self and joy I’ve felt in a long time. I feel like ME again.
This book complemented my readings on mindfulness and effectiveness because they all reiterate the principles of being aware, being present, and focusing on changing oneself, rather than obsessing over and trying to change other people or circumstances beyond our control. If you’re into mindfulness, cognitive behavior training, or improving personality and leadership skills, reading about codependency makes sense and could shine a light on the shadows that these other topics cannot. This book is an excellent starting point for learning what codependency is and how to retrain the behavior patterns because of how thoroughly it identifies the problems and characteristics, and gives comprehensive exercises to chew on while working through the food for thought. I will be purchasing more copies to give as gifts for a few loved ones whom I think will benefit from learning about this sooner rather than later, and I already know of one other family member who found it astonishingly relative and helpful.
I usually start my reviews by talking about how or why I read a book. This time, my reasons are personal and so varied I wouldn’t know where to begin explaining them, even if I wanted to. Suffice to say, I’d heard the term “codependency” thrown around a few times, and assumed it meant two people who were dependent on each other to a harmful extent. But I never really paid attention to it beyond that, until I watched a TV show that brought up the topic. Out of curiosity, I Googled it. And to my surprise, I had the description and definition all wrong. In one sense codependency is like being addicted to an addict, but it is so much more. It was no surprise, however, to discover I had 16 out of 20 traits for codependency … according to a little quiz I found. I was so blown away by how much influence this previously unknown term had over my life, from childhood all through adulthood. So, I had to find out more.
I downloaded two e-books on the subject, and this was the first. This book is so relevant to my life that every page has at least one highlight or note. Before I do reviews, I always look back over my notes and highlights to see if there’s anything I could insert into the review as a quote or example of whatever topic I’m discussing. But as I scrolled through my notes and highlights this time, I laughed. There’s literally something from every page! So, there is no way I can condense everything I want to say about this book into one little blog review, but I will try to hit the major take-aways.
What could have made it better for me:
This book uses very clear language and has well-researched content presented with maximum relativity. It’s well-organized and easy to follow. No technical errors pulled my attention away. And I love that each chapter ends with questions to work on as a follow-up activity in a journal.
I have no suggestions for improvements. It was educational, useful, and met my expectations perfectly. And as always, I love it when I can find nothing to say under this heading.
What I liked about it:
Besides what I’ve already said, this book starts out discussing shame and the differences between shame and guilt. The reason for the focus on shame is because the author saw so many codependency connections to shame that she felt it deserved a book all to itself. She discusses the sources of shame in our lives and how they can lead to codependent behaviors traits. As she puts it, “Shame and disconnection from our authentic self lie at the core of codependency and addiction.” And of course, she explains what codependency is and what the traits are, and a little bit of background on how the term has evolved in modern therapy.
This book taught me that the list of symptoms for codependency is long and often seems contradictory. Low self-esteem, self-sacrifice, and inability to express feelings are all major traits of codependency — in other words, being a doormat. But an inflated sense of self-esteem, assertiveness, perfectionism, and manipulation of others are also codependency traits because there are different kinds of codependents and different circumstances that breed codependency.
One of the main traits of codependency is the presence of a loved one who has an addiction or some other form of compulsive behavior which, intentionally or unintentionally, controls the lives of those around him. It could be an alcoholic or drug addict. Or the compulsive behavior could take the form of shopping, sex, gambling, gaming or other addictions. The compulsive behavior could be an eating disorder. It could even be behavior compelled by religious or social customs. For the codependent, the type of addiction is secondary. In fact the addict is usually another codependent, since codependency often leads to compulsive behaviors. But the compulsive and codependent behaviors are always self-destructive and destructive to those around them. It takes only one person with a compulsive behavior disorder to affect as many as 10-20 people around them, producing codependents among spouses, children, parents, friends, and co-workers.
I learned there are three kinds of codependents. She could be an accommodater who builds her world around the addict, trying to keep him happy, trying to be the glue that holds things together, trying to love and rescue, trying to be loyal, sacrificing herself and her life to keep things as calm and smooth as possible. Or codependents can be masters of manipulation, needing to control everyone else around them in order for them to be happy and comfortable and okay. There is an in-between type of codependent, too — the bystander who distances herself and emotionally detaches leaving a void in the relationship. But most codependents are a combination of these traits depending on the circumstances. The codependent can become depressed and distraught, or enraged, when her efforts to control the situation or rescue the person fail. The codependent is someone whose reason for being lies outside of herself, who is so invested in someone else’s life that she loses touch with herself and her own identity. The codependent abandons her own life to serve and manage someone else’s, and in doing so, she feels loved or needed, and is always trying to control the situation, or is always being controlled by the situation.
This book puts most of its effort into education about the topic: breaking down the sources of codependency, the traits of codependency, and the types of codependency. The author points out that codependency is a learned pattern of behavior that is usually passed on generation to generation. So, learning how to identify it can unravel past abuses, uproot illogical thinking or harmful decisions as a result, and make us aware, so that we can not only recover from current bad relationships, but hopefully break the cycle before it takes root in good or new relationships.
The book ends with discussion and steps on how to do that, and I can summarize it in two words: self care. Once you discover and confront the roots of codependency, you can learn how to put your life back together by building your self-esteem, learning how to take care of yourself, and letting go of being victimized by other people’s problems. Detach and focus on yourself. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary because it returns responsibility for each person’s life to him or her self.
“By caring for your precious, vulnerable self, you become empowered. You stop relying on your defenses or others for your contentment. By loving yourself, you can begin to love and relate deeply and authentically to others.” (Diane Lancer, Conquering Shame and Codependency) The takeaway here is the act of learning how to be content from within yourself, rather than needing something or someone outside of yourself to provide contentment or fulfillment for you.
Recommendation:
Learning and reading about codependency has been a huge eye-opener for me. It has already changed my life in small, subtle ways. But as the book says, recovery is about aiming for progress, not perfection. “Recovery is a journey of self-discovery rather than a destination.” (Darlene Lancer, Conquering Shame and Codependency) Rediscovering 20-year-old me, the one who got buried underneath the abuse, the people pleasing expectations, the shame, and the extremist culture of my upbringing (and all of its long-reaching consequences), has led to the most authentic sense of self and joy I’ve felt in a long time. I feel like ME again.
This book complemented my readings on mindfulness and effectiveness because they all reiterate the principles of being aware, being present, and focusing on changing oneself, rather than obsessing over and trying to change other people or circumstances beyond our control. If you’re into mindfulness, cognitive behavior training, or improving personality and leadership skills, reading about codependency makes sense and could shine a light on the shadows that these other topics cannot. This book is an excellent starting point for learning what codependency is and how to retrain the behavior patterns because of how thoroughly it identifies the problems and characteristics, and gives comprehensive exercises to chew on while working through the food for thought. I will be purchasing more copies to give as gifts for a few loved ones whom I think will benefit from learning about this sooner rather than later, and I already know of one other family member who found it astonishingly relative and helpful.
January 14, 2019
If you want to uncover deeply held beliefs about yourself, feel free to work through this book. Took me a couple of months to finish - deep emotional work is draining - but it has been so worth it. It's like I know myself on a whole different level. So many things just makes sense now. It won't change the past, but understanding why things turned out the way they did is so incredibly valuable.
Not sure what to say, I owe this book a great deal. I'm happy that I've made this journey.
Not sure what to say, I owe this book a great deal. I'm happy that I've made this journey.
March 1, 2015
As Amazon.com says, Darlene Lancer is “A nationally recognized author and codependency expert examines the roots of shame and its connection with codependent relationships. Learn how to heal from their destructive hold by implementing eight steps that will empower the real you, and lead to healthier relationships.
Shame: the torment you feel when you’re exposed, humiliated, or rejected; the feeling of not being good enough. It’s a deeply painful and universal emotion, yet is not frequently discussed. For some, shame lurks in the unconscious, undermining self-esteem, destroying confidence, and leading to codependency. These codependent relationships--where we overlook our own needs and desires as we try to care for, protect, or please another--often cover up abuse, addiction, or other harmful behaviors. Shame and codependency feed off one another, making us feel stuck, never able to let go, move on, and become the true self we were meant to be.
In Conquering Shame and Codependency, Darlene Lancer sheds new light on shame: how codependents’ feelings and beliefs about shame affect their identity, their behavior, and how shame can corrode relationships, destroying trust and love. She then provides eight steps to heal from shame, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships.”
Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You by Darlene Lancer talks about:
1. The shame experience
2. Shame and Identity
3. Escaping Shame
4. Emptiness
5. Shame and Symptoms of codependency
6. Love's Silent Killer
7. Sexual Shame
8. 8 Steps to Free your true self
The Introduction is a true account of how the author attended an Al-Alnon program in 1979, and she did not trust or value herself or even know who she was "outside the roles she played each day." I think this is an experience most women encounter and we need to get off the treadmill of people pleasing and get back in touch with our feelings and stop people pleasing. Yes, steps to get over codependency.
I loved the chart on page 124:
Codependent relationships:
* Intense attraction
* Idealize each other and ignore difference
* Fall in love and make commitments
* Get to know each other
* Become disappointed
* Cling to romantic fantasy of love
* Try to change partner into ideas
* Feel resentful and unloved
That did it for me, because then you learn how to become whole and have healthy relationships. The information in this book was beyond my expectations, and I learned more about shame and how it can stem from childhood onto adulthood. This is my top ten list of favorites for 2015. © 2015 Jackie Paulson
Shame: the torment you feel when you’re exposed, humiliated, or rejected; the feeling of not being good enough. It’s a deeply painful and universal emotion, yet is not frequently discussed. For some, shame lurks in the unconscious, undermining self-esteem, destroying confidence, and leading to codependency. These codependent relationships--where we overlook our own needs and desires as we try to care for, protect, or please another--often cover up abuse, addiction, or other harmful behaviors. Shame and codependency feed off one another, making us feel stuck, never able to let go, move on, and become the true self we were meant to be.
In Conquering Shame and Codependency, Darlene Lancer sheds new light on shame: how codependents’ feelings and beliefs about shame affect their identity, their behavior, and how shame can corrode relationships, destroying trust and love. She then provides eight steps to heal from shame, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships.”
Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You by Darlene Lancer talks about:
1. The shame experience
2. Shame and Identity
3. Escaping Shame
4. Emptiness
5. Shame and Symptoms of codependency
6. Love's Silent Killer
7. Sexual Shame
8. 8 Steps to Free your true self
The Introduction is a true account of how the author attended an Al-Alnon program in 1979, and she did not trust or value herself or even know who she was "outside the roles she played each day." I think this is an experience most women encounter and we need to get off the treadmill of people pleasing and get back in touch with our feelings and stop people pleasing. Yes, steps to get over codependency.
I loved the chart on page 124:
Codependent relationships:
* Intense attraction
* Idealize each other and ignore difference
* Fall in love and make commitments
* Get to know each other
* Become disappointed
* Cling to romantic fantasy of love
* Try to change partner into ideas
* Feel resentful and unloved
That did it for me, because then you learn how to become whole and have healthy relationships. The information in this book was beyond my expectations, and I learned more about shame and how it can stem from childhood onto adulthood. This is my top ten list of favorites for 2015. © 2015 Jackie Paulson
March 26, 2020
Finally reviewing years after reading. Darlene is a phenomenal author. This book literally changed my life and continues to have profound healing effects. As I have allowed the words and intentions in her writing to permeate my emotional and spiritual being on the deepest levels, I have transformed my perception and changed behaviors toward health.
Being able to discern shame and codependency and choose acceptance as well as relationship symbiosis and healthy interdependence while remaining liberated in the autonomy of my independence as an individual helps me connect to others more intimately as well as coexist in oneness with the entire Universe.
I praise Darlene for sharing such a timeless resource of medicine for all souls. And a heart soothing beacon of light for those wishing to start life anew in ways that are healthier... this book is a great start to a new way.
Eternal gratitude for the blessing of this wisdom. ~Elmar
Being able to discern shame and codependency and choose acceptance as well as relationship symbiosis and healthy interdependence while remaining liberated in the autonomy of my independence as an individual helps me connect to others more intimately as well as coexist in oneness with the entire Universe.
I praise Darlene for sharing such a timeless resource of medicine for all souls. And a heart soothing beacon of light for those wishing to start life anew in ways that are healthier... this book is a great start to a new way.
Eternal gratitude for the blessing of this wisdom. ~Elmar
September 21, 2020
This was absolutely the most powerful and impactful self-help book I've read. Darlenes other work is fantastic, but I'm so glad I came across this one. Personally, I wouldn't recommend this to someone without a solid shelf of coping or distress tolerance skills, it definitely isn't a book that skims the surface of anything. I feel as if a missing peice of myself I was never sure of suddenly makes sense. This trauma work that was always scary and hard before I now feel invigorated to work though. Would suggest this book to anyone who deals with an intense inner critic.
January 22, 2020
I feel seen
This book covers shame in the same type of way Brene Brown covers vulnerability. I found so much helpful material in this book regarding my self critic and perfectionism- and I’m so glad I found it. Highly recommended!!
This book covers shame in the same type of way Brene Brown covers vulnerability. I found so much helpful material in this book regarding my self critic and perfectionism- and I’m so glad I found it. Highly recommended!!
May 7, 2020
Conversational, a bit emotional, a bit excessive, but it does move an individual into a state of reflection. It is a self help book, and does offer some strategies to move people beyond codependency.
June 26, 2015
It was amazing. The book helps you understand that shame is underlying your codependency and in most cases causing it. This book was very helpful in my personal journey.
February 19, 2016
This was my favorite, which reminds me I need to order a couple more, I keep giving them away!
March 27, 2016
I think nearly everyone could read this and relate on some level, particularly those who have childhood trauma. Enlightening... the Journaling assignments are definitely something to do long term.
January 7, 2023
Social psychology books like this can be exceedingly interesting and/or practical; but they can also be full of over-generalizations and speckled with brilliant articulations.
The issue is that a phenomenon like codependency can be sourced in many different dynamics, but the narrow pathological definitions can read distorted in different neuropsychological particulars. But, again, brilliant articulations from time to time and great advice.
April 12, 2023
My counselor recommended this book to me and it was very helpful. I've struggled with anxiety, guilt and depression and realized that all 3 are shame based for me.
She accurately described things I've experienced so well, that it was like she must've been in my house growing up and in my house as an adult.
I especially appreciated her chapter on sexual shame. I have just recently realized how much toxic messages about sex have affected me.
She accurately described things I've experienced so well, that it was like she must've been in my house growing up and in my house as an adult.
I especially appreciated her chapter on sexual shame. I have just recently realized how much toxic messages about sex have affected me.
October 18, 2017
Knowledge and steps for addressing codependency
Darlene Lancer’s book breaks down the strong connection between shame and codependency and provides an actionable set of steps and activities to begin healing those wounds that we carry so deeply. If you’ve ever struggled with any form of codependency, I highly recommend this book.
Darlene Lancer’s book breaks down the strong connection between shame and codependency and provides an actionable set of steps and activities to begin healing those wounds that we carry so deeply. If you’ve ever struggled with any form of codependency, I highly recommend this book.
August 28, 2019
If I can highlight a whole book i would! This book taught me so much about myself, it's amazing i stopped hysterically crying to write this. I loved everything about this book, from all the examples she lists of shame and codependency to all the ways you can help yourself overcome it. Im recommending this to everyone in my life!
July 30, 2023
A great resource no doubt about it, but it can be pretty confronting, especially if you're like me and are really hard on yourself as it is. I found reading about all the ways that codependency has messed with my life is honestly pretty triggering. Maybe have the support of a therapist as you work through this.
January 4, 2025
Really cuts to the root of how I've felt since childhood. I would be interested to see how this framework would be applied to those of us with autism. I understand it's a book for a generalized audience, but that is a layer that cannot be ignored considering how much more acutely people with autism suffer with unhealthy shame/codependency.
May 29, 2019
Great book for therapists and clients
Easy language so even clients can understand concepts. Love exercises at end of chapters. Great connections to past history and current defenses used.
Easy language so even clients can understand concepts. Love exercises at end of chapters. Great connections to past history and current defenses used.
July 15, 2020
I clearly saw my shame after reading this. Bar far, the best on codependency. If you are codependent, I would suggest reading this book. Even if you aren’t codependent, but suffer from childhood abuse, I would strongly suggest reading this book. Well written and easy to understand.
June 2, 2021
This is an excellent book.
I bought the audio book and started listening on a trip. This is not that type of book!
I bought the book to go along with audio book.
This is working best for me.
Going through this journey I need both.
I bought the audio book and started listening on a trip. This is not that type of book!
I bought the book to go along with audio book.
This is working best for me.
Going through this journey I need both.
August 9, 2023
3.5 stars. I enjoyed this book quite a lot. It's a bit like an exploration of shame on the sense of self and on relationships. With that being said, it is written in a very self-help kind of way, with somewhat cringey language sometimes.
September 19, 2023
3.5 Stars
How often is shame the root of mental health issues? Often. I wish there was a bit more here, but I think the exercises force you to reflect on things--though it is your call to do the work and correct your worldview.
How often is shame the root of mental health issues? Often. I wish there was a bit more here, but I think the exercises force you to reflect on things--though it is your call to do the work and correct your worldview.
September 27, 2023
A decent primer on shame specifically, and how that feeds into the codependent model. For my personal tastes I would have wished for more advice/support and less information/education but obviously every book can't do everything.
August 3, 2024
Right what I needed
I dislike self help books. They tend to be reductive in their content and it often seems to propose a one size fits all solution. This one fitted like a good pair of gloves
I dislike self help books. They tend to be reductive in their content and it often seems to propose a one size fits all solution. This one fitted like a good pair of gloves
September 19, 2018
Good book to understand the inner conflicts and move towards the self esteem and self love
January 15, 2019
Really great follow up after reading Codependent No More. I'm looking forward to reading Lancer's other books on codependency. This one was eye opening.
April 8, 2021
Very eye opening. When reading self help books, it’s best to go in with an open mind and a willingness to evaluate oneself.
This book was truly enlightening to me.
This book was truly enlightening to me.
Read
July 23, 2022Gave up on reading this; didn't like the writing style.
February 1, 2023
Do not listen to the audiobook. The narrator sounds like a robot and it’s hard to listen to it. Otherwise good info but I probably would have gotten more out of it had I read a physical book.
July 18, 2023
This book is very crucial against the shame epidemic and what is the root of it and how to overcome it .It is great journey only for courage heart
September 6, 2023
I would advise you to skip this book and instead read Bradshaw's book on shame
Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews