Alec Baldwin Doesn't Love Me & Other Trials from My Queer Life

by Michael Thomas Ford

An irreverent, insightful, and wickedly funny humor collection that shows just how queer life really is.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, LGBT, Gay, Memoir, Essays, Queer

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1997

About the author

Michael Thomas Ford is the author of more than 75 books in genres ranging from humor to horror, literary fiction to nonfiction. His work for adult readers includes the best-selling novels What We Remember, The Road Home, Changing Tides, Full Circle, Looking for It and Last Summer, and his five essay collections in the "Trials of My Queer Life" series. His novel Lily was a Tiptree Award Longlist title and a finalist for both the Lambda Literary Award and the Shirley Jackson Award. He is also the author of the Sickening Adventures series of books featuring popular contestants from RuPaul's Drag Race.

As a writer for young adults he is the author of the novels Suicide Notes, Z, and Love & Other Curses, and under the name Isobel Bird he wrote the popular "Circle of Three" series. His work has been nominated for 14 Lambda Literary Awards, twice winning for Best Humor Book, twice for Best Romance Novel, and once for Best Mystery. He was also nominated for a Horror Writers Association Bram Stoker Award (for his novel The Dollhouse That Time Forgot).

Reviews

[Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

An enjoyable read, very much in the vein of David Sedaris. I will certainly enjoy reading other essay collections from Michael Thomas Ford.

[Jose · Rating 2 out of 5]

Fluffy, witty and light. The premise of all the essays consists on plucking some minimal anecdote or foible and pumping it with exaggerated drama. So it is with 'Too much a good thing' where the author declares his addiction to all things Martha Stewart ; or 'Taking the credit' about the author's addiction to credit card advertising. So far so good. The author then delves into the realm of his sex life - men and other obstacles. With the usual frankness that makes gay lit a bit more spicy than necessary and -oh so funny- he achieves the highest mark humour-wise in the essay that gives name to the book 'How Alec Baldwin ruined my life'. The funny bits seem to follow a predictable pattern and when it gets into David Sedaris' territory, it falls flat. Sedaris managed -in his book 'Naked' for example- to be both incredibly funny and -through a masterly sleigh of hand- very poignant by inserting memories of his childhood. Unfortunately for many other writers, he really set the bar too high. The stories of the author's Catholic, Baptist upbringing just don't amount to much. The story of his parents separation truly lacks in both humour and interest. May be I'd rescue the story of his packing for the rapture. Most annoying throughout was the insistence on the self-imposed 'misery' of being a writer. He procrastinates, he gets baffled, he states that when he tells people what he does for a living -does he really have that many obtuse friends?- they stare back blankly.... All humble-bragging aside, it gets tired. All in all, a light inconsequential read with some witty turns like comparing Satan to a mix of used-car salesman and Farrah Fawcett. I managed to get to the end with nothing but a 'good for ya Gurl!'. Great book to keep handy in the toilet, and that's not a bad thing.

[Aaron · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first collections of essays published by Michael Thomas Ford. As with the earlier books in the My Queer Life series, each essay is a glimpse into his life. Either he is sharing past experiences with the reader or he is philosophizing on various things. One of the funniest essays deals with his obsession with all things Martha Stewart. He also shares a lot of what it was like growing up in a very religious Baptist household, and there is a great essay about how he sometimes thinks he has more in common with lesbians than straight or gay men.

The structure of the book is a little looser. The essays sometimes repeat what was said in earlier entries, making the book a little repetitious, but that doesn't stop if from being enjoyable.

It is fast and funny! That is really one of the best things that a collection of essays can be.

[Clare · Rating 2 out of 5]

I would have liked this book of humorous essays better if he hadn't tried so hard to be humorous. I was interested in what he had to say but I just didn't find him that funny and thought a straightforward approach might have been better.

[Pbnray · Rating 2 out of 5]

eh... this was hard to get through... the first couple i was giggling and enjoy the essays... but the more i got into it the more it seemed to be short bitch fests... i did enjoy about half of the essays...the other ones i found myself counting the paiges till the next story.

[Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you enjoy David Sedaris, I think you will enjoy this book. It's a collection of his essay's on his life & loves. It's an easy enjoyable read. I think it's a gay Sex in the City but you can judge for yourself.

[Ronald Wilcox · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting mixture of autobiographical essays. I especially enjoyed the ones about his childhood more than the ones about his sexuality. He has a nice snarky tone to his writing.

[Sebastian · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to give it one star for most of it but it gained a good deal more value by the section about the author's childhood. Honestly it's bizarre to me that this won an award as a "humor" book because I can only imagine it being funny to the most simple-minded people. So much of it was dramatizing really simple things to just a stupid level and often had nothing to do with queerness, like it was mind-numbing at times lol. I feel like back then if you were writing for a niche and you had any talent at ALL, you'd be able to publish. But reading now, this just does absolutely nothing for me. The vignettes are like episodes of a bad sitcom at best and you can tell this guy thinks he is SO clever when he's just being really annoyingly quirky.

The childhood section, though, I'll admit got me to tear up. I wish the whole thing had been more like that.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun read which brought back some forgotten phases of my own life.

[mmmm · Rating 2 out of 5]

See my previous activity note for why it wasn’t working for me. Sorry, just not into very lightly misogynistic white gay men. Didn’t finish.

[Goose_moade 1 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny and worth a read! Nice snap shots of queer life in the late 90s/early 2000s, would definitely recommend! Interesting prospective of life as a queer person in a overly religious America, or at least it was interesting to a (mostly) secularly raised Australian.
Although I definitely disagree with his opinions on musicals.

[Mark Hanner · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wish Goodreads did half stars.

[Sharon Buchbinder · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to admit that I was a bit surprised when this book appeared at my door. When did I one-click on this, I thought? Was my alter ego seizing my body to do some early holiday shopping? Well, kudos to her for picking this gift out for me! I laughed out loud from page one, much to the annoyance of sour puss people sitting next to me on the plane. Despite our different sexual orientations (I'm straight, the author is gay), I related to his crazy Baptist upbringing (my mother spoke in tongues, it wasn't pretty) and his not fitting into the one-size-fits-all category of what a you-fill-in-the-blank person *should* be. If you enjoy David Sedaris (whom I adore) you will love this collection of essays. Hmmm. I wonder what my alter ego has in mind for her next shopping spree?

[Carlos Mock · Rating 5 out of 5]

Michael Thomas Ford collects a series of columns published on his newspaper and later syndicated under the title of My Queer Life. Think of David Sedaris; although, personally, I find Mr. Ford funnier.

What can you expect from a kid who packs his toys for the Second Coming, insults the woman whose life inspired The Sound of Music, and fears the host of Romper Room is out to get him?

In this book, you will experience a wild ride through a life filled with one surprise after another--and each one funnier than the previous one. Ford takes on everything from the horrors of shopping, the search for a gay gene, Martha Stewart addiction, and the right to marry Alec Baldwin.

A wonderfully put together book, funny and a great read!

[Brian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some of the essays in this book are , laugh aloud funny. Ford writes a column for some newspapers and this book is a collection of these essays. The funniest story tells about his trepidation about going to a dyke dance with some of his friends. Will they even let him in? Will some of the women be upset to see a man at the dance? When he does go so many dykes stop to welcome him his friends complain that he is meeting more women than they are. It is a good light read.

[D.L. King · Rating 4 out of 5]

I laughed--I cried--I almost hummed a show tune...

Very funny. Everyone will find at least one essay to relate to. I think my favorite was "Dyke the Halls." I think I even said out loud--possibly on the subway--"This will end badly." Actually, I did quite a bit of laughing on the subway while reading Alec Baldwin Doesn't Love Me. Thanks Michael; great fun!

[Rob · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ford is very much along the lines of David Sedaris, and I really do not know why he is not more widely read! You will find this in the LGBT lit section of your local Barnes and Noble, but a number of my straight friends happily tore through these as well. Laugh out loud funny! You are in for a real treat!

[James · Rating 4 out of 5]

I needed this. At times funny, at times poignant. And a thoroughly quick read. His thoughts are certainly interesting to read close to 20 years later (especially his thoughts on gay marriage). I enjoyed it so much, I'm debating whether I want to dive right into the next one of his that I have or wait a little while to give myself a bit of a break.

[Mare S · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best book of essays that I have ever read. I love to re-read this book and to get my friends to read it as well. His following books of essays are great as well, but this one remains my favorite.

[Mitchell Easter · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have absolutely fallen in love with Michael Thomas Ford's essays - they are witty, hilarious and sometimes actually poignant, ALL at the same time! I can see SO much of myself in "Trial By Fire" - Right on target!

[David Jay · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very cute... I laughed out loud at the title 'If Jesus loves me, why hasn't he called?'

[Reba · Rating 2 out of 5]

B-O-R-I-N-G and predictable. A friend said if I liked Sedaris and Burroughs I would love this. Not so much.

[Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

This guy is hysterical. I don't think I've ever read any gay humor that was funnier than this.

[Shari]

Alec Baldwin Doesn't Love Me and Other Trials from My Queer Life by Michael Thomas Ford (1997)

[Shaneman01 · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a funny novel and real. Loved every minute of it !!

[Gerry Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

A laughing out loud book! Very enjoyable for the Southern Baptist humor!

[Kevin Leistner]

so funny. i almost wet myself

[Brian Kovesci · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sometimes during a pandemic you become thirsty.

Sometimes you buy a book for its cover.

The essays were fine. Some didn’t age well, some made me laugh. It was the kind of relief I needed.

[Emilie]

Read some years ago.