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Raising Lions: The Art of Compassionate Discipline
The second edition of Joe Newman’s acclaimed book Raising Lions is an essential guide for parents and teachers raising strong-willed, precocious children. It offers clear insights into what motivates the most challenging behaviors, and what kinds of responses turn these behaviors around.“One of the best books on child-rearing I’ve ever read. Joe Newman describes a cultural shift that has reinforced anxiety and behavior disorders in children by negating parental authority. Even more important, he provides specific, non-punitive ways for parents to help their kids by taking back their authority. Filled with examples and experiences from the author’s own life as a child with A.D.H.D., the book is a treasure-trove of useful information.”Barry Michels, psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of The Tools.“This book is packed with useful information. It is an insightful and practical guide for managing children. I would recommend it to any parent.”L. Alan Sroufe, Professor Emeritus Ph.D. University of MinnesotaCurrent childrearing techniques seek to develop children who are confident, self-assured, and unafraid to speak their minds-lions instead of lambs. Although largely positive, this shift has brought with it some very serious problems in our children's behavior. Without going back to an authoritarian model, Joe Newman has developed new ways of helping children develop the ability to self-regulate without undermining their confidence and individuality.Raising Lions challenges us to re-examine our interactions and relationships with children, re-think the root causes of behavior problems and find new ways to support healthy, happy development.For over 30 years Joe Newman has worked with children, parents, teachers, and administrators to help them understand and improve child behavior.
258 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 14, 2010
368 people are currently reading
2107 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 73 reviews
September 19, 2022
I do not understand why this book has so many positive reviews. The message I received from this book was that misbehaving children are the result of lazy, permissive parents, teachers, and caregivers. Wow. Ouch, dude. Ouch.
Also--apparently Macaulay Caulkin and Home Alone are to blame for our all the faults of our nation's youth..? Ummm... Ooooookay.
I tried really, really hard to get past the hurtful criticism of "You are doing it wrong and the reason you are in this position is because of every parenting decision you have made up until this point." I kept reading, long past that, in search of some kernels--some ideas--some advice I could implement.
Instead the author talks about how HE has saved so many children because HE is incredible and patient and caring--much more so than any parents, teachers, or daycare providers. Wow. What a power trip.
In addition to the cocky attitude, the actual parenting advice is to give time out after time out after time out after time out. And if the kids refuses? Physically restrain them. For HOURS, if needed.
Ummm... No. Just. No.
Also--apparently Macaulay Caulkin and Home Alone are to blame for our all the faults of our nation's youth..? Ummm... Ooooookay.
I tried really, really hard to get past the hurtful criticism of "You are doing it wrong and the reason you are in this position is because of every parenting decision you have made up until this point." I kept reading, long past that, in search of some kernels--some ideas--some advice I could implement.
Instead the author talks about how HE has saved so many children because HE is incredible and patient and caring--much more so than any parents, teachers, or daycare providers. Wow. What a power trip.
In addition to the cocky attitude, the actual parenting advice is to give time out after time out after time out after time out. And if the kids refuses? Physically restrain them. For HOURS, if needed.
Ummm... No. Just. No.
May 31, 2020
Children of today are confident and powerful, This calls for powerful boundaries.
The phase of Omnipotence (14 months to around 2 years) is when children haven’t yet discovered that others have willpower too. A stage of conflict.
Today’s children exits this phase less fully than previous generations. The longer a child stay in this phase after the age of 3 the higher the risk of developing behaviors what could be diagnosed as a disorder. Something we in the west likes to threat with chemicals. 💊
Joes doesn’t think this have to be the case. Instead should coach kids through the omnipotence phase by setting firm boundaries with clear consequences.
📝 “This is just the way he/she is.” Maybe not. Look at the childs environment. Is there anything that encourages the child’s behavior? How are the adults acting?
📝 “The accumulation of so many moments when adults has yielded their wishes and desires to the wishes and desires of the child results in an imbalance towards children developing power over connection.”
📝 Rather small consequence immediately, than big consequences in the future. A 1-min pause now is a better consequence than canceling a cinema visit next week.
📝 Children need to learn to deal with the frustrations of not getting what they want.
📝 If your home is a place of unlimited choices, then don’t be surprised if your kid doesn’t like school!
📝 “Giving children choices about some things is fine. But there should be many things during a child’s day when they don’t have a choice.”
📝 It’s common to reason too much with toddlers. For toddlers action mean more than words.
⭐️ TAKEAWAY:
The parents job is to make sure inappropriate behavior has no reward. Be the coach not the opponent. Most importantly: “Always do what you say, 100 percent of the time”.
⚖️ VERDICT:
To the point and filled with great examples. A worthy read for parents and teachers who struggle with behavior problems. But be aware: I’m easily impressed, especially when it’s the first time I read something in a new genre. I guess if this book worked in -8 years or so 18 years or so!😂
The phase of Omnipotence (14 months to around 2 years) is when children haven’t yet discovered that others have willpower too. A stage of conflict.
Today’s children exits this phase less fully than previous generations. The longer a child stay in this phase after the age of 3 the higher the risk of developing behaviors what could be diagnosed as a disorder. Something we in the west likes to threat with chemicals. 💊
Joes doesn’t think this have to be the case. Instead should coach kids through the omnipotence phase by setting firm boundaries with clear consequences.
📝 “This is just the way he/she is.” Maybe not. Look at the childs environment. Is there anything that encourages the child’s behavior? How are the adults acting?
📝 “The accumulation of so many moments when adults has yielded their wishes and desires to the wishes and desires of the child results in an imbalance towards children developing power over connection.”
📝 Rather small consequence immediately, than big consequences in the future. A 1-min pause now is a better consequence than canceling a cinema visit next week.
📝 Children need to learn to deal with the frustrations of not getting what they want.
📝 If your home is a place of unlimited choices, then don’t be surprised if your kid doesn’t like school!
📝 “Giving children choices about some things is fine. But there should be many things during a child’s day when they don’t have a choice.”
📝 It’s common to reason too much with toddlers. For toddlers action mean more than words.
⭐️ TAKEAWAY:
The parents job is to make sure inappropriate behavior has no reward. Be the coach not the opponent. Most importantly: “Always do what you say, 100 percent of the time”.
⚖️ VERDICT:
To the point and filled with great examples. A worthy read for parents and teachers who struggle with behavior problems. But be aware: I’m easily impressed, especially when it’s the first time I read something in a new genre. I guess if this book worked in -8 years or so 18 years or so!😂
November 4, 2024
This book completely changed my relationship with my almost 3 year old. Thank you Joe Newman. This book gave me a backbone!!!!
November 20, 2024
Absolutely life changing! This came at a crucial time for our family. It's given me a consistent way to give my almost 3 y/o son's negative actions a negative consequence. We've only been doing the book's method for two weeks but my son's behaviour improved after a single day. I've been able to do more things with my son because I can calmly and constructively teach him the expectations. It feels like the world opened up again for us. If you are a burnt out parent who feels like the toddlers run the house, then I cannot recommend this book enough. It might not work for your family but it sure did work for ours. Thank you, Joe Newman!
April 8, 2022
THIS BOOK!! Joe’s “meet the hand” approach to discipline and boundaries for children is spot on. I’ve felt, like he points out, that gentle parenting (that can often become permissive parenting), while well-intentioned, is an overcorrection from the harsh, authoritarian parenting approaches of past generations. Children need stable, consistent boundaries, and compassionate, nonjudgmental (but firm) consequences to their actions.
I loved this book. While many of Joe’s examples are of children with extreme behavior issues, this book is wonderful and practical for any parent, teacher, or person who works with children.
I loved this book. While many of Joe’s examples are of children with extreme behavior issues, this book is wonderful and practical for any parent, teacher, or person who works with children.
October 9, 2010
Newman's experience as an educator and an individual decodes the mystery of the often shared parenting adage "be consistent." Learning solid ways to interact with children and what makes them effective gives you the confidence to establish clear boundaries and drive toward results.
August 7, 2025
I trust this guy and what he says in this book. As a parent to a very smart, strong-willed toddler, it’s been difficult to try to decide on a way to deal with behaviours without squashing their stifling their confidence and independence. A good read for millennial parents who are caught between the belittling, authoritarian style many of us experienced from our parents, and the overly-permissive, structureless “gentle-parenting” of our current culture. This book offers no jargon, no frills, no touchy feely bs. Just practical, step my step instruction and real-life examples of what works. Game changer for sure. Will be recommending and implementing!
November 25, 2025
3.5? 3.75?
I have realized that I don't really like parenting books. Too much philosophy, too many complicated diagrams and not enough practical tips. Also, they always seem to assume that you are well-slept and have no other children to deal with!
This book was better than most, but it was more for educators than parents.
The two ideas that I am taking away are a) always stay calm during discipline because the child's behaviour is not about you and b) making a child take a break, in your presence, is an effective action you can take when they do something wrong.
I have realized that I don't really like parenting books. Too much philosophy, too many complicated diagrams and not enough practical tips. Also, they always seem to assume that you are well-slept and have no other children to deal with!
This book was better than most, but it was more for educators than parents.
The two ideas that I am taking away are a) always stay calm during discipline because the child's behaviour is not about you and b) making a child take a break, in your presence, is an effective action you can take when they do something wrong.
July 24, 2019
3.5–tips for raising kids in our current “overly sensitive” and increasingly “handing of more power over to children” parental age. He offers helpful advice like, give consequences not criticism, be consistent, do not over inform your kids about the right/wrongs of their behavior but trust that they already know and move on from there. Most of the advice/work he offers is in classroom setting but it is applicable at home. Helpful!
May 22, 2020
This is the best information about discipline that I've read. It gives clear strategies to work with kids who are "strong willed" and ways to use discipline in a compassionate way to help them build skills like self discipline and self control.
May 22, 2021
Great book!
I especially love the practical examples (could have done with more actually). It provides a great shift in perspective, I really like it because raising a lion is hard, at least it tells you HOW to do it, in an effective, tried & tested way!
I especially love the practical examples (could have done with more actually). It provides a great shift in perspective, I really like it because raising a lion is hard, at least it tells you HOW to do it, in an effective, tried & tested way!
May 24, 2022
Interesting topic and approach. Perhaps the book could have been more concise and one might argue if the actual insights and advice could be fit in a longer blog post. Nevertheless, still an interesting topic and way of dealing with kids that have more challenging characters.
April 30, 2023
So interesting and informative! Definitely going to re-read this when I have kids one day. Would highly recommend for anyone who deals with kids on a daily basis (teachers, counselors, parents, etc.).
December 7, 2024
Overall it was a helpful book with some good perspectives but I wish it would have had more information on which ages are appropriate to begin some of the concepts. I also thought it could have been a lot shorter and for kind of redundant with the examples and stories.
March 1, 2024
Highly recommend
Will refer to this often just wished I had this tool sooner
Will refer to this often just wished I had this tool sooner
February 28, 2020
A really good read and an interesting take on behavior and discipline as it relates to this day in age. While most of the examples in the book involved children with more severe behavior issues and struggles, they can still apply and be effective with all kids. I have started to use some shorter, more frequent breaks at home with my kids and it has been effective so far.
I do wish schools used this philosophy more than the more punitive and moralizing punishments. I think that makes a lot of sense and takes so much judgement and shame out of the situation.
I also loved the idea that making your kid apologize is so counterproductive and teaches them ZERO - or maybe it teaches them that as long as you apologize, you can do whatever you want —> bad message! There should be short, swift consequences for behavior that is inappropriate 100% of the time.
Overall a great parenting book. One I wish I would have read when I had younger kids but can still apply to my 7/9/12 year olds.
I do wish schools used this philosophy more than the more punitive and moralizing punishments. I think that makes a lot of sense and takes so much judgement and shame out of the situation.
I also loved the idea that making your kid apologize is so counterproductive and teaches them ZERO - or maybe it teaches them that as long as you apologize, you can do whatever you want —> bad message! There should be short, swift consequences for behavior that is inappropriate 100% of the time.
Overall a great parenting book. One I wish I would have read when I had younger kids but can still apply to my 7/9/12 year olds.
January 28, 2019
This is the 103rd parenting book I've read in the past five years. Yes, I love the genre. It can be a bit repetitive, though: most books encourage parents to let their children make choices and feel their feelings. RAISING LIONS puts the breaks on that. It warns that kids who are TOO used to making choices and TOO permitted to feel their feelings often can't function in group situations. (Like school!) This is because they've never had to listen to what someone else wants and adjust their behavior accordingly. Many of today's young children have never learned the simple lesson that they can't always get what they wan't. I appreciated the reminder that children need and crave boundaries, and the book offers many specific tips to enforce them (1) without making the child feel judged; and (2) so that the child learns her lesson quickly.
February 22, 2025
#audiobook
I wanted to love this more.
Bumped up to a four because it did hold my attention, I did have some key takeaways. I would have liked more practical tips to apply in my home and classroom.
I wanted to love this more.
Bumped up to a four because it did hold my attention, I did have some key takeaways. I would have liked more practical tips to apply in my home and classroom.
September 25, 2021
I found it a useful read in establishing firmer boundaries with my children. His primary point if that we need a middle ground between treating children with respect and providing consequences and structure for appropriate behavior. It's a good tool if you fell for the attatchment parenting trope and now feel overwhelmed by what to do.
However his self aggrandizement and dismissal of ADHD as anything but a behavioural disorder is problematic. Medication has been very helpful to my daughter and it was obvious that it has a strong biochemical component for her. All his examples of sucess are about himself so it's largely just an antectode without solid data to support his claims.
However his self aggrandizement and dismissal of ADHD as anything but a behavioural disorder is problematic. Medication has been very helpful to my daughter and it was obvious that it has a strong biochemical component for her. All his examples of sucess are about himself so it's largely just an antectode without solid data to support his claims.
March 1, 2024
I enjoyed this book to an extent. I found some of the tips/suggestions to be good reminders and helpful while in the field, but I did not like his take of “these children are only acting like this because of parents/caregivers and not because they could potentially have an actual disorder.” I think anyone who works with children should use parents as a tool and work with them to better understand their student. We shouldn’t degrade them for their parenting or blame a child’s behavior/disorder on that. To me, the author seemed to have a God complex and reveled in the fact he could ‘cure’ children who have been diagnosed with disorders.
April 22, 2016
I often buy parenting books, read barely any of it before I lose interest and never pick it up again. I could have read this one in a single sitting...highly recommended
February 5, 2021
It is a good short book that really helps to illustrate the power of immediate and consistent breaks and how children perceive those interactions.
June 17, 2025
2.5. Started strong but eventually lost me. Had some helpful tips and tricks but ultimately this book was about 150 pages too long and repetitive.
December 16, 2020
5🌟 book 43 of 50 in 2020’s reading challenge
I purchased the audiobook version of Raisin Lions after hearing him speak on a podcast about the method he uses for approaching turning around "problem kids" and their behaviour. His area of study is heavily focused on older children with quite severe behavior disorders but his methods can be used for young children to help nip these troublesome behaviors in the bud. I was intrigued to find out more about his method of compassionate time out and how he recommends disciplining strong willed children, having a spirited 6 year old myself whose can be quite explosive at times.
He describes how a cultural shift has reinforced anxiety and behavior disorders in this generation due to the negation of parental authority. I found it fascinating to learn that there is scientific evidence behind this and the shift in the way people now parent has resulted in our children being emotionally immature and unable to move out of the viewpoint of a young child.
Without going back to an authoritarian model, he’s developed new ways to help children self regulate without undermining their confidence and individuality. I recommend this book to any parents, especially those with young kids.
I purchased the audiobook version of Raisin Lions after hearing him speak on a podcast about the method he uses for approaching turning around "problem kids" and their behaviour. His area of study is heavily focused on older children with quite severe behavior disorders but his methods can be used for young children to help nip these troublesome behaviors in the bud. I was intrigued to find out more about his method of compassionate time out and how he recommends disciplining strong willed children, having a spirited 6 year old myself whose can be quite explosive at times.
He describes how a cultural shift has reinforced anxiety and behavior disorders in this generation due to the negation of parental authority. I found it fascinating to learn that there is scientific evidence behind this and the shift in the way people now parent has resulted in our children being emotionally immature and unable to move out of the viewpoint of a young child.
Without going back to an authoritarian model, he’s developed new ways to help children self regulate without undermining their confidence and individuality. I recommend this book to any parents, especially those with young kids.
December 21, 2023
I hated everything about this book. First of all, it screamed of an older generation writing it for a younger generation, thinking they know everything. Looked up how old the author was- almost 80! He thinks he’s an absolute expert and everyone else is doing it wrong. You can clearly tell he thinks kids today are too soft and parents need to be more of an authority figure. No gentle parenting here! According to him, parents need to not give kids choices, put them in time out as often as necessary, and even physically restrain them for “as long as it takes”?!? In one scenario he physically restrained a child he had been assigned to work with, that he didn’t know, for TWO HOURS. Yes, hours. And he encourages “isolation rooms” in schools. He also suggested taking away accommodations and support for autistic kids because they’re actually not autistic, they’ve just been raised the wrong way and falsely diagnosed. What a crock of 💩
This book is outdated and harmful and I’m worried there are so many positive reviews.
This book is outdated and harmful and I’m worried there are so many positive reviews.
July 11, 2024
SUPER helpful thoughts on parenting and teaching strong-willed, difficult children, the problems with many current child-rearing techniques and the interactions of behavior and brain chemistry.
A few nuggets:
- Brain chemistry influences behavior, but behavior also influences brain chemistry!
- Small immediate consequences : clear cause and effect plus building of self regulation muscles gradually
- When you protect your child from the consequences of their behavior, you’re putting the struggle “on credit”: they will have to pay for that decision later.
- Many teachers and parents treat bad behavior as an information problem: "You shouldn't do ___." It rarely is. Only benign behavior (violating rule out of ignorance) needs information. Malignant behavior needs action. Impulsive behavior may need accommodation or ignoring.
- Don’t teach very young children ethics through reason: make the consequences align with their self interest since they process the world in terms of “how to get what I want”.
A few nuggets:
- Brain chemistry influences behavior, but behavior also influences brain chemistry!
- Small immediate consequences : clear cause and effect plus building of self regulation muscles gradually
- When you protect your child from the consequences of their behavior, you’re putting the struggle “on credit”: they will have to pay for that decision later.
- Many teachers and parents treat bad behavior as an information problem: "You shouldn't do ___." It rarely is. Only benign behavior (violating rule out of ignorance) needs information. Malignant behavior needs action. Impulsive behavior may need accommodation or ignoring.
- Don’t teach very young children ethics through reason: make the consequences align with their self interest since they process the world in terms of “how to get what I want”.
January 13, 2021
Probably the best parenting book I’ve read. Newman shares several stories of somewhat extreme situations with kids acting out. His method just makes sense and it works. He celebrates that the authoritarian parenting method is being abandoned over time with each generation but identifies the issue today of the pendulum swinging too far the other direction—that kids are not being given clear solid, boundaries as far as acceptable behavior. They’re too often being given “the reigns” so to speak. He goes through how to set these boundaries and follow through on consequences without shaming the child though which I love. Great book on helping children at home or at school grow to be confident yet considerate people.
May 2, 2022
Barry Michels, psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of The Tools wrote “One of the best books on child-rearing I’ve ever read. Joe Newman describes a cultural shift that has reinforced anxiety and behavior disorders in children by negating parental authority. Even more important, he provides specific, non-punitive ways for parents to help their kids by taking back their authority. Filled with examples and experiences from the author’s own life as a child with A.D.H.D., the book is a treasure-trove of useful information.”
This book was recommended by my son and daughter-in-law as a very helpful book so that we are all on the same page with my granddaughter. A very inciteful book on parenting in today's complicated world.
This book was recommended by my son and daughter-in-law as a very helpful book so that we are all on the same page with my granddaughter. A very inciteful book on parenting in today's complicated world.
December 8, 2022
If you associate with children, in any capacity, this should be required reading. A refreshing relief from the disorder paradigm we are currently immersed in.
Goodness… so much practical knowledge. First relief I’ve felt about how to go about managing the lions in my life. Both at home and at school. I have a hunch that many would balk at his advice because it puts so much responsibility on the adults in the lives of these children. As a general rule, one doesn’t want to be held responsible for things we view as problematic… in other words we don’t want to be the problem, we want to cast blame elsewhere and our children are the scapegoats. Hence, the disorder paradigm. It’s time for taking the initiative and helping us all feel seen.
Goodness… so much practical knowledge. First relief I’ve felt about how to go about managing the lions in my life. Both at home and at school. I have a hunch that many would balk at his advice because it puts so much responsibility on the adults in the lives of these children. As a general rule, one doesn’t want to be held responsible for things we view as problematic… in other words we don’t want to be the problem, we want to cast blame elsewhere and our children are the scapegoats. Hence, the disorder paradigm. It’s time for taking the initiative and helping us all feel seen.
January 6, 2023
As some who believes in learner driven education, this model of child rearing resonates with me. I like his stories and models, and like his humbleness in how he demonstrates his techniques in working with strong willed children. Come to find out, it’s usually not the child doing anything “wrong” but the adult and their preconceived notions about how children should behave. The usual response to problems does not work, and he explains why and what can work better. I wish this book was better edited because I think the information is golden and should be considered by all parents. But I understand why parents don’t want to apply these techniques, because they are difficult and sometimes raw. But they work and I love this book.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 73 reviews