Repeat After Me

by Claudia Black

When Repeat After Me was first published in the 1980's, it was a time when adult children of alcoholic families were coming out of the closet by the thousands. Until that time these were people who were silently making their way through adulthood not understanding why they were so unsatisfied and unhappy when "everything seemed okay," or why some one thing, person or place "was never enough." For many there was a chronic gnawing sense that something was missing. This great number of people happily took on the identity of being an ACA or ACOA (Adult Child of Alcoholic). They were grateful to have a framework in which to understand and conceptualize their experience. They had been given a language in which to voice their experiences. Yet what was true for this particular population could be generalized to people from other types of troubled families. They were from homes where there were abuses, other addictions, compulsive behaviors or mental illness - homes that for whatever the reasons were characterized by loss and shame. Repeat After Me was written in the spirit of offering all who were raised in troubled families a process of self-exploration, insight and healing that would lead to a positive change in their lives.

As adults began that process of asking how their childhood was influencing their present day life, the intent was never one of blame but of insight and understanding. It has been the author's contention that we repeat the life scripts of our family as a result of internalized beliefs and behaviors that were either modeled for us or were a part of our survivorship. We cannot put a painful past history behind us without first owning it. It is not enough to say I came from an alcoholic family or an abusive family. We must go beyond that acknowledgment to see how our internalized beliefs and behaviors have shaped us to be the person we are today. With that in mind Repeat After Me was written.

Repeat After Me is not a book that explains how problems come to be as much as it is a book that takes you through a process of letting go of hurtful beliefs and behaviors. While insight is often the precursor to change, insight alone is not enough for most people to create change. People need to believe they deserve positive change and they need to develop skills that make change occur. While many of the changes in this second edition of Repeat After Me are subtle, it is written to support the reader's belief in their personal worth and assist them in identifying and focusing on skills. The knowledge that comes in owning the past and connecting it to the present is vital to developing empathy for the strength of both our defenses and skills. It also helps us to lessen our shame and not hold ourselves accountable for the pain we have carried. When we understand the reasons for why we have lived our life as we have, that understanding fuels our ongoing healing. The change we want to create in our life is made most directly as a result of letting go of old, hurtful belief systems and learning new skills. Repeat After Me guides you in this process.

Genres: Psychology, Mental Health, Nonfiction, Relationships, Abuse, Self Help, Counselling

190 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 1991

About the author

Claudia Black, M.S.W., Ph.D. is a renowned addiction and trauma expert, author, and trainer internationally recognized for her pioneering and contemporary work with family systems and addictive disorders. Dr. Black's passion to help young adults overcome obstacles and strengthen families built the foundation of the Claudia Black Young Adult Center at The Meadows treatment center in Arizona. Not only is Dr. Black the clinical architect of this innovative treatment program, she is also a Senior Fellow at The Meadows. She is the author of sixteen books, most recently Unspoken Legacy and Intimate Treason.

Reviews

[James · Rating 4 out of 5]

A solid workbook for adults dealing with issues resulting from growing up with actively alcoholic or otherwise abusive or neglectful parents - Claudia Black is one of the pioneers in this field, together with Janet Woititz. This book goes well with Black's earlier book titled It Will Never Happen To Me. As a therapist I recommend this to anyone who is trying to break generational cycles and avoid passing issues on to their children, as well as improving their own relationships and emotional life.

[Maria Fledgling Author Park · Rating 5 out of 5]

The seminal workbook for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Excellent case studies are interspersed with exercises reinforcing the core material. Most impressive to me was the feeling of hope I had when I finished the book as a young woman. "I'm free," I thought, "I'm finally free."

[寿理 宮本 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Giving a "benefit of the doubt" rating by virtue of I have no idea if this is genuinely helpful since I am not the target audience* and whoever owned this prior to me didn't finish the workbook (but had the lack of foresight to not ONLY fill it in pen but ALSO donate it to a free library, giving out potentially identifying information, hmm).

The exercises seem like exactly the sort of thing I as an untrained, non-therapist might recommend, though. I feel like it's not as helpful as a live person, if only because a live person could exert their influence to help the hurting person actually finish the exercises, rather than the book just sitting forgotten until it's disposed of.

Things I don't like:
- admission of male default (use of "he/him" to designate a generic single person), "for simplicity"... it was 1985, though
- the aforementioned "used" state of the workbook (not the workbook's fault)

Things I like:
- easy to read
- Autobiography in Five Short Chapters (but you can just click the link to see that)

Recommended for anyone looking for help working through mental health issues related to family, especially, but who does not have access to therapy. Better than nothing, I suppose?

* or I don't THINK so—there has not been a time in my life where I have recognised anything I grew up with as "abuse" on any scale that I would report to the police had I seen it happen to someone else, which is about the only metric by which I feel I can objectively judge my own experiences (which is to say I'm pretty sure I had a normal childhood, even if the odd, VERY RARE slip-up seems kind of messed up in retrospect)

[Dan Appel · Rating 5 out of 5]

The past several years I have been on a personal journey of healing and growth - guided by a very accomplished therapist.

Much of what I am dealing with involves growing up in what were often very difficult circumstances.

This book which is guiding the current part of this journey provides an opportunity to examine a number of different aspects of my life and to journal on them prior to discussing them with my counselor.

Great book if you actually do what it asks!