Depending on how well you know me, you would know how much I love studying what people say (or don't say) and do (or don't do) specifically to detect deception. For my job, not my personal life, people! From what I have found, there are two main sources of information on this subject:
1. Philip Houston (with two supporting writers) who worked for the CIA and wrote "Spy the Lie" which I keep in my office and have read once and listened to twice, and
2. Joe Navarro, who worked for the FBI 25 years catching spies and is someone who has become an expert on nonverbal communication. Joe is the author of this book.
Reflecting on these two different authors and their styles, I think the main difference is Houston focuses on detecting when someone is telling a lie with the end result being a "gotcha" and Navarro's focus is more practical in that his purpose is to show us how to read nonverbals to help you present yourself in the best light, and to get to the truth to enhance communication.
I've been chipping away at this book for a few weeks because it is a lot to digest. I have 110 highlights throughout a 242 page book so I know I will be going back over it again in the future. How do I condense this down to the key points of interest? Wish me luck.
We are constantly making assessments of people (and they are of us) based on astonishingly small amounts of information. These are called "thin slice assessments". The first half of the book was focused on image and what we project to others based on nonverbals. Little things such as your perception of a security guard based on whether they are standing or sitting and the opinions people form based on your shoes. Not just the brand but if they are clean - a person can be well put together in all ways until you get to their dirty ratty shoes and it completely changes your image of the person.
How about this for a nonverbal faux-pas? "The chairmen of the Big Three—Ford, General Motors, and Chrysler—went to Washington, D.C., to plead their case before Congress for $25 billion in taxpayer assistance. With millions of employees’ livelihoods hanging in the balance, they chose to travel to the nation’s capital on their company jets. Their nonverbal blunder earned them the scorn of Congress, the president, the unions, the press, and the average American worker. 'There’s a delicious irony,' said one congressman, 'in seeing private luxury jets flying into Washington, D.C., and people coming off of them with tin cups in their hands.'"
There was a long section complete with pictures that talked about various expressions and ways of carrying ourselves and the messages they display. Eyebrows raised or eyes squinting, splaying legs and the position of your thumbs. If you are speaking with someone and their feet are pointing toward you, that's good. They are engaged and want to talk to you. Once a foot points away from you and perhaps with the torso also starting turn away, you can bet they want to wrap up the conversation. I found this good practical information - people do not always pick up on nonverbal messages that say "wrap it up, please" to the point where the only way to politely end the conversation is to stand up and start walking out of their office. Navarro suggests that you be aware of these nonverbal cues so as not to annoy your boss.
Let's not just not annoy the boss but impress her or him. Lots and lots of pages were devoted to the importance of grooming and dressing in a certain way because all of that really matters. Whereas our country started with jeans on Friday, it now has become more and more casual and Joe believes that is a mistake because it affects people's perceptions of us whether we like to think so or not. This may make me unpopular by some, but I do agree that your credibility is compromised in a professional setting if you are wearing flip-flops! He also talks about nails not being overly long. I must agree with that, too. I have interviewed people with really long nails and it sure is distracting. He didn't only talk about women's appearance, but men's too. Clean and well manicured nails apply there, too.
Ok moving on. My favorite nonverbal he talked about is ATTITUDE! He said that "a person's attitude is our most subtle nonverbal we have to master." He talked a lot about the importance of SMILING and what a huge difference it makes in any customer facing role yet how it is becoming less and less common. The pace with which you speak and your tone of voice -low, slow and smooth is best if you want to instill confidence. Who you hang around with at work, how attentive you are in meetings, not wearing too much jewelry ("excessive jewelry says 'I need people's attention'") and so much more. This book was packed, I am telling you!
The second half of the book (and I will cover it much more quickly) seemed to be focused first on customer service related industries followed by reading nonberbals to aid in communication.
For the customer service section he ran through a ton of examples such as how people are less likely to shop in a store with dirty windows and how impressed he was to see a Fed Ex driver cleaning a Fed Ex drop box with a bottle of Windex. He urges us to call our own company's switchboard and experience what our customers experience. Does the phone ring more than 2 times? Do you have a nightmare of an automated attendant?
In the section on reading nonverbals for better communication he gave examples of how to read the eyes and body language to see if someone was being honest with you. Again, the purpose is not to catch someone in a lie but to give you a cue when you should ask more questions to uncover roadblocks or concerns the person may not initially tell you. The goal here is to ensure that people can deliver on time. If you ask if someone can complete a project and they touch their neck or swivel away or their eyes twitch, Joe suggests we slow down and use empathy - "you know, I want you to have work life balance and I am sure coming in on the weekend is not what you were hoping. What is a reasonable amount of time that you think you can commit to toward my request? " and that hopefully opens the door to the truth and a better relationship.
I think you might be picking up from this that the book was utterly packed with good information. I will close this review with something that I found valuable and that I needed to read. I personally find detecting if someone is lying very difficult. There are a lot of clues to watch for and you can look for clusters of "tells" but how do we ever REALLY know if we have it right? Maybe he is suddenly talking faster not because he is lying but because his cell phone is alerting him his battery is almost dead?
Near the end of the book Navarro writes: "You would think that, as a former FBI agent and a student of nonverbal communications for nearly four decades, I would be championing the use of nonverbal communications to detect deception. I would, if detecting deception were easy. I would, if such assessments could be at least 95 percent accurate. But it’s not easy and it is not nearly that accurate" He then goes on to say that with his tips we will probably only be right about 50% of the time and even his own highly trained FBI agents were able to detect deception accurately 60% of the time. I found that reassuring because despite pouring over this information time and time again, I think it has helped me in my job but I never feel 100% confident that I am predicting correctly. This reassured me that even the best of the best can't get it all the way right. I find the subject fascinating, though, so I will continue to try to be closer to 60% than 50%! If you are still reading....bless you for your patience and attention!