The Intimate Lives of the Founding Fathers: How Women Shaped Washington, Jefferson, Hamilton, and the Birth of a Nation

by Thomas Fleming

In The Intimate Lives of the Founding Fathers from Smithsonian Books, historian Thomas Fleming, author of The Perils of Peace , offers a fresh look at the critical role of women in the lives of Washington, Franklin, Adams, Jefferson, Hamilton, and Madison. Fleming nimbly takes readers through a great deal of early American history, as our founding fathers struggle to reconcile the private and public–and often deal with a media every bit as gossip-seeking and inflammatory as ours today.

Genres: History, Nonfiction, American History, Biography, American Revolution, Historical, Politics

456 pages, Hardcover

First published October 14, 2009

About the author

Librarian note:
There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name

Thomas James Fleming was an historian and historical novelist, with a special interest in the American Revolution. He was born in 1927 in Jersey City, New Jersey, the son of a World War I hero who was a leader in Jersey City politics for three decades. Before her marriage, his mother, Katherine Dolan Fleming, was a teacher in the Jersey City Public School System.

After graduating from St. Peter's Preparatory School in Jersey City, Fleming spent a year in the United States Navy. He received a Bachelor's degree, with honors, from Fordham University in 1950. After brief stints as a newspaperman and magazine editor, he became a full-time writer in 1960. His first history book, Now We Are Enemies, an account of the Battle of Bunker Hill, was published that same year. It was a best-seller, reviewed in more than 75 newspapers and featured as a main selection of the Literary Guild.

Fleming published books about various events and figures of the Revolutionary era. He also wrote about other periods of American history and wrote over a dozen well-received novels set against various historical backgrounds. He said, "I never wanted to be an Irish American writer, my whole idea was to get across that bridge and be an American writer".

Fleming died at his home in New York City on July 23, 2017, at the age of 90.

Reviews

[Simon Robs · Rating 4 out of 5]

You go girl! There were some high times had in presidential circles through the early years of the American experience and adage substantiated that behind every great man .. a great woman too, rides that wave, a new form of republic pushing the boundaries of individual rights and freedom of expression .. and those women paved the way for others who may one day even flip the script to "First Lady" & Mate or [yikes] other forms of recognition!

[Lois · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book has a light and interesting tone that I found very engrossing. While this is easy to read/approachable it is also heavily researched, which is nice. Very accessible for those interested in more info on the Founding Fathers that's not about battles and negotiations. I found the section on John Adams the most interesting and enlightening. I also liked how much information was included about the wives and the parts they played in their husbands successes.
I found the references used to explain the lives and treatment of enslaved peoples was based on sources that are too dated to be valid as used. An example would be in the chapter on Washington. The author says that slave women lie about the white father's of their children. The source for this is from a book published in the 1980's. There's considerably less dated sources available that explain this from the point of view of the enslaved person which is currently how we process this type of situation. Enslaved women had no right to accuse white men of fathering their children. Mostly they did not name the father of their mixed children. It's part of not acknowledging slave families as valid. This blaming the enslaved woman at the expense of the slave owning white men sits poorly with me. I have no issue with the author choosing not to believe that Thomas Jefferson was the father of Sally Hemings children. My problem lies with the portraying of her as a harlot. Callender portrayed 'Dusky' Sally Hemings in a series of racist hyper sexual stereotypes commonly accepted as fact in his age. The problem is this is published in 2009. A time at which the author clearly understood that slavery in any form was wrong and chattel slavery the worst incarnation yet. That sex is only sex if consent exists. That racist caricatures were used to excuse chattel slavery. Enslaved person's by virtue of their enslavement are unable to consent to sex with any white person, as all white people acted as authority figures to all black people. Much less any white person who was acting as owner/overseer. We recognise this today in not allowing professors to date students, managers/bosses to date employees. Sally Hemings was raped by whatever white man fathered her children. Even if she thought she loved him and thought he loved her, by virtue of this man holding and/or leaving her enslaved she was unable to consent. So to suggest Sally was a harlot is to blame her for her own abuse and perpetuates what was done to her during life time. It's the worst form of biography/history when academics become so attached to their subjects that they perpetuate outdated bigotry.
It's worth noting that Sally Hemings hidden room is currently being excavated at Monticello.

[Ron · Rating 4 out of 5]

“In their loves and losses, their hopes and fears, they are more like us than we have dared to imagine.”

A worthwhile addition to the histories of our founding. Superficially what seems trivial reveals a deep relevance for understanding both the founders and the product of their labors.

“Newspaper ethics in the nineteenth century did not put a high value on accuracy. ‘Faking’ a story … was accepted journalistic practice.” (Some things haven't changed.)

The universal themes seem to be of men driven almost to monomania, often to the neglect of wives and family. In several cases, it is impossible to know the man without knowing the wife. Most were dedicated to their spouses. Sadly, those who had sons or grandsons almost universally begat individuals who embarrassed them, improvised them, and broke their hearts. Their daughters seem to be woven of finer stuff.

“Nothing is ours which another can deprive us of.” Thomas Jefferson

Well-conceived, well-researched, well-written.

“Dolly [Madison] concluded that a woman who waded into the contentious side of politics aroused the always lurking hostility between the sexes and won no friends for her side of the argument.”

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rating clarification: 4.5 stars

This book marked a very satisfactory conclusion of my 2010 reading challenge, and will certainly have a permanent spot on my bookshelf. Thomas Fleming's foray into the lives of America's six founding fathers and the various female influences on their lives might have, in a different writer's hands, been trite, repetitive or uninspiring. Not the case here, and if you are a casual to moderate fan of this genre of non-fiction American history, I seriously urge you to pick this book up. You will not be disappointed.

Fleming provides an engrossing and fascinating glimpse into the pre-and-post-Revolutionary war world of Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Alexander Hamilton and James Madison. More to the point, Fleming focuses on the women who played a central role in each of their lives, be it their mother, wife, and/or daughter. Although I knew many things about them as a whole, I definitely learned some interesting tid-bits about each woman that I didn't previously, and can say that in the case of Elizabeth Hamilton and Dolley Madison, I gained a much, much greater respect for them.

(This book also re-inforces a long held personal belief of mine that Thomas Jefferson is still a putz, John Adams remains a drama queen of the highest order, and Martha Jefferson would have greatly benefited by copious amounts of valium...but I digress.)

Simply un-put-down-able. Would make a great companion book for Jospeh Ellis' Founding Brothers: The Revolutionary Generation

[John Behle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Founding Fathers and their political histories are embedded in us from our earliest days of learning. Through each year of our education, the legendary feats, the leadership, the courage of these men become memorized and recited. They did forge our nation, after all. However, with all those high school history tests passed, we begin to think of them as monuments, as plaster busts in a marble rotunda. Oil portraits in a dusty hallway of an art museum.

But here in Fleming's well researched and deftly written book, are the behind the scenes tales. Childhoods, their upbringing, early failures and romances lost are portrayed with living ease. We read their teenage love letters, get to see their early performance appraisals in started-and- stopped careers. Later, as the American Revolution gathers unstoppable force, their words of patriotic passion come pouring through.

One need not be a history buff to enjoy Fleming's witness like accounts. These are love stories, heartfelt drives through the rebellious century of 1730-1830 that are still guiding lights for us.

Of all the lives here, George and Martha Washington do rise above. But, fascinatingly, Martha's two children from her first marriage inflict stepchild pain (emotional and monetary) to George.

This is history with the star-spangled curtain pulled back. Yes, one will discover the closets of Independence Hall hold many skeletons.

[Fergie · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting take on the Founding Fathers and their ladies. The only complaint I would have was that, at times, I found the author to be biased in his treatment of his subjects. For instance, he seemed to take a harder stance against John Adams while spending an extreme amount of time defending the honor of Thomas Jefferson. Towards the end of the book, Fleming devoted, in my estimation, an overwhelmingly large amount of time and pages to discuss the historical dilemna of whether Thomas Jefferson fathered children with his slave, Sally Hemmings. Fleming appears to have done a lot of historical research to write this book but took license to assert his assumption of why the Founding Fathers and their significant others thought, felt and behaved as they did. I would have preferred for this to be left to the reader to decipher. With that said, of all the historical books I've read, this one ranks as one of the better ones and gives a nice perspective of the intimate aspects of America's historical figures' lives.

[Devon · Rating 2 out of 5]

I did learn some new things in this book, and some of the chapters were quite enjoyable. However, throughout the whole thing, the author seemed to display judgmental prejudice against some founding fathers while giving a much more generous and fair treatment to others on similar topics (morality, slavery, debt).
I learned a few things and enjoyed hearing more about the founding father's personal lives and how they shaped their public personas. This book has some good content, but is detracted by its lack of impartial discussions on historical figures - particularly Jefferson, whom Fleming seems to think was lucky, but overrated and under-talented - a fact he drives home whenever he can. I most sincerely disagree.

[Riq Hoelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Intimate not just in the risque sense, but discussing their private lives in general, and how they intertwined with the public. Generally very good, but there are some stories that are not fully told, such as Vice President Adams and the presidential title, that thus leave the reader with the wrong impression. Adams was avowedly trying to make the president seem more magnificent because the role had to compete with kings and emperors, but here you get the idea vanity was the motivation.

Mentions that the Adamses rented Richmond Hill and surprisingly does not mention it would later be owned by Aaron Burr.

Describes Adams' decision to keep Washington's cabinet as bizarre, not realizing how bad it would look to suggest that the nearly-divine Washington had erred in choosing the officers.

Strongly suggests that Hamilton had in two different periods at least an emotional affair with his sister-in-law.

Misses that Jefferson and Madison helped Burr after the duel.

Also does not follow the notion of some authors that the marriage of Jefferson's daughter to a man she just met shortly after their return to Virginia represents a rejection of her father, possibly due to resentment of Hemings. Instead it is presented as a love at first sight situation as well as a perfect match.

Surprisingly pretty much dismisses the Sally Hemings relationship, which today is generally accepted.

His story about how Madison and Dolley met differs from everyone else's. Normally we're told that Burr introduced the pair, but here it's a competition instead.

The book wonders why Washington disliked Burr enough to refuse appointing him minister to Paris. It goes back to the war days when Burr was a colonel and felt insufficiently rewarded.

[Michael Compton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Viewed through their relations with the people they loved, the Founding Fathers (and Mothers) are revealed to be *gasp* human beings, with all the attendant faults and virtues. Well researched and well sourced, Fleming attempts a balanced portrayal of these six men that doesn't overlook the warts but always seeks the heart. A major takeaway was just how much tragedy each of these families suffered. Considering their wealth and privilege, one shudders to think what life must have been like for the less fortunate of their time.

[Norma · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book. It offers an alternative view of history based on the private lives of the icons we call "The Founding Fathers": Washington, Hamilton, Franklin, John Adams, Madison and Jefferson. I am one of those people who believe that you cannot altogether separate what someone is privately from a public persona. Thus, for me, this narrative filled in the outlines of these lives with vivid colorful detail. The book is written by a historian who uses primary sources and tells you within the narrative if there are conflicting stories or not enough data to draw a conclusion. I appreciate that care and trust that what I read is as accurate as one can currently get.
There were surprises for me here but I will not spoil the book for others. Suffice it to say that these people became more flesh and blood and less oil on canvas or chiseled marble. I am grateful to the author for that.

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

We tend to so revere these men in our school years learning how they forged a nation that we forget they were also sons, husbands, fathers, and grandfathers. We don't read so much about how the women in their lives shaped them, whether as a little boy, a young man learning about love, or a husband. Well researched and well told; I especially appreciated all the information that has come to light regarding Jefferson and Sally Hemings...not quite as simple or straightforward as is now assumed.

[William Bahr · Rating 5 out of 5]

For the curious: the considerably charming character of our capital's cardinal couples!

I read this highly readable book in an effort to update my own book on George Washington’s Liberty Key (Mount Vernon’s Bastille Key). As with Fleming’s other books, this one was chock full of interesting facts. One I found especially intriguing, even if it’s something of a hypothesis on page 46-47, regards Washington, Hamilton’s Assumption Plan, and the Residence Act of 1790: “Their [Jefferson’s and Madison’s] opposition morphed into a detestation of New York as the national’s capital, because the city’s numerous wealthy merchants supposedly corrupted Congress. The Virginians wanted a rural capital beyond the reach of big-city temptations.” … “The realization that Washington was mortal [he was deathly ill at the time with pneumonia] may have influenced the politicians to reach a major compromise.” However, I did detect one factual flaw with the book. On page 360, Fleming states that during the Bostonians’ “party” in 1773, they threw “9,659 pounds of English tea into Boston harbor.” Wow, that’s almost five tons! But thinking about it a little more, one recalls the party involved 342 chests, making each chest not even 30 pounds in weight…? A quick on-line check revealed that the British ships brought some 2000 chests to Boston, weighing some 600 thousand pounds, or 300 pounds per chest, which sounds more like it. It’s interesting that it would seem that about just 15% of the chests were thrown overboard, but it makes Fleming’s poundage off too few by a factor of 10. Thus, the lost tea weighed not 9,659 pounds but more like 96,590 (almost 50 tons), evidently enough to bring on the Coercive/Intolerable Acts. And I also detected an interesting omission: the Madison slave Paul Jennings in his 1865 memoir mentioned he saw and/or helped two men (not Dolly Madison) save the iconic Gilbert Stuart Lansdowne portrait of George Washington. These items aside, whether Dolly’s claim was folly and whether Americans went on to drink less tea and more coffee, I thought the book was overall very good…to the last drop!

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fleming is clearly a Jeffersonian. I disclose, that I am a Hamiltonian (long before the musical).

The highlights of this book are the women. Each so different from the other, and for the most part devoted wives. Critical to the men’s success.

Ben Franklin was the start of poor fathers and wayward illegitimate children along with the women left in their wake.

For all the excuses/justifications Fleming offers Jefferson, he convicts Hamilton for the same kind of circumstantial evidence.

Dolley Madison is a national treasure who with her personality and intelligence was critical to Madison’s success.

[Angela Holland · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It felt like it read more like a novel than a history book. There were things I learned about each founding fathers. I did not realize that John Adams may have been manic depressant, that Thomas Jefferson had migraines and that multiple presidents did not have kids. I liked the writing style and the research that the author put into the book. It kept me interested from the first page right up until the last page. It was nice to hear something about the founding fathers that is not all about the politics. Also I did not realize how many of our founding fathers went over seas to try and keep peace. I will be looking for more books by this author.

[Amber Ray · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyable to read about the lives of the Founding Fathers. Maybe not always the liveliest book, but interesting.
The life of Thomas Jefferson was really much more tragic than I was aware as was Martha Custis Washington's.
I was aware that Benjamin Franklin didn't always treat his wife Deborah well....the author notes by her picture that "it does not take much effort to imagine her brow furrowing and angry words exploding from her lips".
Frankly if my husband never legally married me (they were actually only common law married to evade debts from her first and presumed dead husband), presented me with an illegitimate child to raise, then abandoned me periodically after the death of one of our children...well, I'd get cranky too. He didn't even return to her when he had word she was sick and dying. Deborah might have been limited in her education and bad tempered, but Franklin could have treated her better in many ways.

[Danielle Peterson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this! I loved learning about how different women had influence over the founding fathers throughout their lives. Several of them I had not heard of before… I liked gaining this new perspective!

[Abby Elliott · Rating 4 out of 5]

So neat to learn more about 6 of the founding fathers and especially about the women that impacted them and added to their lives. Not the most thrilling read the whole time, but I appreciate Fleming’s research and knowledge and learned a lot more about that period of time and history!

[Michael Farrell · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was really enjoying this book until near the end of it when the author decided to embarrass himself by stretching credulity to deny that Thomas Jefferson raped and fathered multiple children with Sally Hemmings. Also, the author referred to several experts who supported his position by saying "(job title) (last name)" but he referred to two experts who disagreed with by saying "African-American (job title) (last name)" -- seems bad!

[ManOfLaBook.com · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Inti­mate Lives of the Found­ing Fathers by Thomas Flem­ing is a his­tory book which tells about the lives of six famous men from the per­spec­tive of their rela­tion­ship with the women in their lives. I do love books which tells us more his­tory from the “trenches”, after all, there are very few big events which aren’t made of small, per­sonal moments.

The Inti­mate Lives of the Found­ing Fathers by Thomas Flem­ing is what one might call “his­tory light”. While there was no new infor­ma­tion revealed in the book, it is a won­der­ful intro­duc­tion to more seri­ous works which deal with the Found­ing Fathers, their poli­cies and how the rela­tion­ships with other influ­enced their work (which still has ram­i­fi­ca­tions to this day) and their policies.

Mr. Flem­ing does not view the Found­ing Fathers as untouch­able his­tor­i­cal fig­ures, but as men of flesh and blood who lived, loved, laughed, hurt and got­ten hurt. The author’s research is excel­lent and his writ­ing style is enjoyable.

Those who only learned about these six giants of Amer­i­can pol­i­tics in school are bound to get a bit of shock. George Wash­ing­ton had a crush on this neighbor’s wife, Alexan­der Hamil­ton com­mit­ted flat out adul­tery, Ben­jamin Franklin had a child out of wed­lock and left his wife to frolic in Paris.

While the men of this book are in the title, the real stars are the women, espe­cially Abi­gail Adams and Dol­ley Madi­son. These two for­mi­da­ble women seemed to have an equal mar­i­tal rela­tion­ship in today’s stan­dards. Both James Madi­son and John Adams relied on their wives for strength and advice. The let­ter exchange between John and Abi­gail Adams shows a remark­able woman who could hold her own in deep philo­soph­i­cal and polit­i­cal dis­cus­sion with her hus­band and a match to his wit which is only recently began to be appre­ci­ated. Mr. Flem­ing calls those two first ladies “Pres­i­den­tresses”, a term which some might use (mostly not in a com­pli­men­tary fash­ion) to other first ladies who seemed to call the shots behind the scenes (Edith Wil­son, Eleanor Roo­sevelt and more recently Hillary Clinton).

A whole sec­tion is ded­i­cated to the tire­some sub­ject of Thomas Jefferson’s rela­tion­sh­iop with his slave Sally Hem­ings. The author seems to think that the affair never hap­pened, he might be right as he bring forth very con­vinc­ing, well researched rea­sons as to why (regard­less of the recent plethora of soap-opera type TV hype). How­ever, I find myself amused by argu­ment for either side in this affair. First, I sim­ply don’t care about an affair which a hap­pened 250 years ago, sec­ond I’m more inter­ested in what the affair might or might not mean in the grand scheme of things.

The Inti­mate Lives of the Found­ing Fathers is a fas­ci­nat­ing glimpse into the pri­vate lives of these famous Amer­i­cans. The per­sonal tid­bits are, for me, what makes his­tory come alive from the past.

For more reviews and bookish posts please visit: http://www.ManOfLaBook.com

[Krista · Rating 1 out of 5]

They left out a huge amount of things in Hamilton's love life, as well as messing up the timeline a fair amount in Hamilton's section. People have cross-referenced and his timeline matched up with 0 other sources. There is also extensive evidence that John Laurens and Alexander Hamilton had an affair at one point, as their letters to each other were equally if not more flirtatious than those to the opposite sex. Although Sentimentalism was a huge thing at this time, if you compare John Laurens's letters to Hamilton to letters to other people he knew, it becomes apparent that he only used the Sentimental style when writing to Hamilton.
No, I'm not just some "Musical fan shipper". I have done actual research into this topic. I am not sure if the possible (probable) relationship was omitted because it was not 100%, or if it was due to prejudice on the author's part, but I find it strange.
Thomas Fleming also seems to be trying to write this history book in the form of a narrative, making all of the "characters" seem very dramatic, tending towards many extremes. He seems to have reduced most of the sisters to shallow stereotypes (The witty seductress, the quiet submissive one, and the rebellious one who died young), and it just wasn't an enjoyable read overall. Please take this into consideration so you don't waste your twelve bucks that could be spent on something better.

[Sharron · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well worth the time. I've read biographies of all of men covered by this book except for Alexander Hamilton but still felt I learned a great deal more about each of them. The word "intimate" in the title is, however, somewhat misleading as for for the most part, Jefferson being the exception, the book addresses the personal connections these men had with their parents, siblings, wives and children rather than their love interests or mistresses. Fleming does a good job of explaining how those relations shaped their respective characters and personalities. My only other quibble with the book was the excessive attention paid by the author to Jefferson's connection to Sally Hemming. A few pages covering that subject would have more than sufficed but Fleming went on and on for dozens of pages and I found it tedious.

[Paul Decker · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a nice change of pace and angle. Fleming studies our founding fathers from the perspective of the women they loved. The book covers the Washingtons, Franklins, Adamses, Hamiltons, Jeffersons, and the Madisons. I found some of the family situations disappointing, but all were intriguing. Fleming does enter into the controversy of whether there was a long standing affair with Sally Hemming and takes a more conservative view that he did not. The last chapter regarding the Madisons is especially interesting. It is a fair conclusion, I believe, that she likely held our country together during the turbulent War of 1812, which was founded on a deep passion she held for her husband. There is no doubt that the country would have collapsed if James Madison did not have her by his side.

[Mackay · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book, covering Washington, Franklin, John Adams, Hamilton, Jefferson, and Madison--and more importantly, covering them from the perspective of the women in their lives.

Each biographical sketch is complete, interesting, and often presents new information (such as the Jefferson/Hemings DNA studies and restudies), yet each is admirably brief and beautifully written.

Fleming made me revise my "Founders Supper," those whom I'd want to have dinner with were that possible. Jefferson had been on the bubble for some time; now it'll be an intimate supper with Washington, Franklin--and Dolley Madison! Now, there was a woman of substance. Who knew?

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

I genuinely enjoyed this look into the women and men who helped shape the lives of such influential 18th century figures. George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, Benjamin Franklin, James Madison, and Thomas Jefferson all have their personal relationships analyzed, with particular attention paid to their love lives (marital and otherwise). I particularly loved the story of James and Dolley Madison. I always thought that theirs was a sweet relationship, and Dolley a very vibrant personality (the account of her heroics during the War of 1812 is recounted with gusto here). Overall, just as it says, an excellent survey of the intimate lives of the founding fathers.

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I do enjoy the not so known history of events. For me it's this underside of well known history that that is more interesting. This book is full of "the woman is the neck that turns the head", to quote My Big Fat Greek Wedding. This book got pretty personal, I did feel like I was a spying on these people. So many little known tragedy's and problems that are not commonly known.

I do have to say....I'm not so fond of Ben Franklin or Thomas Jefferson anymore... Will be reading more of Dolly and Abagail.

And I agree with another Goodreads reader...the author spent a bit too much time on Jefferson and Sally Hemmings.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't say enough about this book. I think it is insightful, interesting, and offers a different viewpoint than regular founding father's bios. I also love that it is like six bio's in one. I will surley re-read this book in 10 years.

[David Monroe · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wish I liked it more. I found it too gossipy and loaded with innuendo without supporting source material.

[Andrea]

One of my retiree friends in Venice, FL highly recommends this - said she felt like she had spent a month in their homes :)

[Ann Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gave good insight into the women behind the Founding Fathers

[Bekah · Rating 3 out of 5]

The founding wives had to deal with a lot of loneliness. The founding fathers took off sometimes for years to lead armies, broker peace treaties in Europe, and plan revolutions in other cities.