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Weekends at Bellevue: Nine Years on the Night Shift at the Psych E.R.
Julie Holland thought she knew what crazy was. Then she came to Bellevue. For nine eventful years, Dr. Holland was the weekend physician in charge of Bellevue's psychiatric emergency room. Deciding who gets locked up and who gets talked down would be an awesome responsibility for most people. For her, it was just another day at the office... In an absorbing memoir laced with humor, Holland provides an unvarnished look at life in the Psych ER, recounting stories from her vast case file that are alternately terrifying, tragically comic, and profoundly moving. As Holland comes to understand, the degree to which someone can lose his or her mind is infinite, and each patient's pain leaves a mark on her as well--as does the cancer battle of a fellow doctor who is both her best friend and her most trusted mentor. Writing with uncommon candor about her life both inside and outside the hospital, Holland supplies a fascinating glimpse into the inner lives of doctors, struggling to maintain perspective in a world where sanity is in the eye of the beholder.
312 pages, Hardcover
First published October 6, 2009
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About the author
Julie Holland
18 books107 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
Dr. Julie Holland is a board-certified psychiatrist in New York City. From 1996 to 2005, Dr. Holland ran the psychiatric emergency room of Bellevue Hospital on Saturday and Sunday nights. A liaison to the hospital's medical emergency room and toxicology department, she is considered an expert on street drugs and intoxication states, and lectures widely on this topic.
Dr. Julie Holland is a board-certified psychiatrist in New York City. From 1996 to 2005, Dr. Holland ran the psychiatric emergency room of Bellevue Hospital on Saturday and Sunday nights. A liaison to the hospital's medical emergency room and toxicology department, she is considered an expert on street drugs and intoxication states, and lectures widely on this topic.
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June 26, 2013
I don't usually take the time to write a review, but as a psychology major and a human being, I was very disappointed by the actions of Julie Holland as she recounts them in this memoir.
The stories of patients in the ER were often interesting, but I was consistently bothered by how politically incorrect Holland was in her writing. In regards to mental illness, she commonly used the words "crazy" (a highly stigmatized word) and "insane" (which is not even a word used in psychology, it is used in courtrooms only - to be determined not guilty due to insanity - and has never been an accepted word in the psychology community). Although I am aware that what was taught in a psychology classroom in the late 1980s is vastly different in comparison to today, a physician with a doctorate and a specialization in psychology has no excuse to be using such degrading and stigmatized words to describe her patients. These are people suffering from mental disorders and she would be ridiculing them with other doctors, nurses, EMS workers and police officers - sometimes while she was right in front of the patient. I found the attempts at humour to be cruel and the stereotypical conception of America's past State Hospitals being set up as a sort of 'zoo' for people to come view and ridicule the mentally ill was brought to mind. It was painful to read, but I continued.
The author also treated some of her patients very poorly and unethically, at one point giving an arrested addict methadone to "shut him up", lying to a patient and validating their delusions in order to make them easier to deal with, and even using seductive strategies to gain the compliance of a patient. The level of sexism in this memoir is sickening - all more so when taking into account that this author is a woman. The presence of patriarchy is readily apparent in every page of this book. Holland repeatedly makes a point of having to act "more manly" as she believes that it is the only way to gain respect from her coworker, male EMS workers, and the hospital and city policemen she comes into contact with. She also asserts this dominance on patients in inappropriate ways - one time going as far as to give a patient a cavity search for an alleged razor blade (despite the fact that this is against protocol as it would have cut her finger if there were one hidden in the patient's cavity - something a MD should know better than doing) all in an attempt to gain the approval of the male police officers that had brought the patient in. This is something she later admits as a sadistic act against the patient, but she makes no admittance of remorse for her reasoning behind it. The author demoralizes herself and other women consistently throughout the book. She tells herself that she needs to "man up" when she is feeling emotional, insinuating that it is a uniquely female experience to express emotion and that it is beneficial to act like a male whom, according to Holland, does not express his emotions. Although Holland is respectful of a transgendered patient brought in, calling the patient by their preferred gender, she linguistically segregates transgendered individuals from the rest of the population in subtle ways such by referring to more than one transgendered person as "all them" "some of them" etc, which may sound innocent but when in the context it seemed quite inappropriate.
There are other things in this novel that bothered me quite a bit as well. The level of professionalism we uphold to medical professionals is shattered when you read Holland's stories of having sex with other resident doctors in the call room, drinking before starting her shift at work, letting her personal pride get in the way of her properly taking care of a patient, ridiculing patients (patients who, voluntarily or involuntarily, have been brought to Bellevue to get help for their medical and psychological problems), and it is disappointing to read about a well educated professional that is so completely and utterly politically incorrect, reaffirming the stigmas against mental illness rather than working to disassemble them, and expressing such blatant misogyny.
I am an avid lover of psychology. I believe it is every as bit important to our health system as any other medical field is. I believe that psychologists should express empathy towards the patients in and out of the workplace; a person with a mental illness should be treated as any other person would be. A person with schizophrenia that is having delusions is not funny, it is not ethical or even humane to laugh at their suffering. A person threatening suicide should be taken seriously, not received with skepticism because they have a history of drug abuse or homelessness, and they should not be denied a bed based on suspicions that they are lying when a middle classed man or woman claiming the same suicidal tendencies is given a bed without hesitation. This memoir made me disappointed in Bellevue hospital, in whatever hole in the educational system let such a misogynistic, uncaring, and sadistic woman become a medical doctorate, and most of all, it left me disgusted with Julie Holland. I express my deepest condolences to any human being that was ever left in her care and I hope that her actions did not damage their mental health in any way. I hope, for their own sakes, that Holland's patients (or anyone with a history of mental illness, for that matter) do not read this book as this view into Bellevue Psych ER is enough to eliminate any hopes these patients may have to get help at Bellevue.
Mostly, I hope that things have changed enough in the past two decades that doctors are educated enough to never, ever, act like this towards human beings. I hope that they can be compassionate and empathetic with their patients. I hope that they can be sensitive of issues surrounding misogyny, of stigmas against mental illness, and of discrimination towards transgendered individuals; I hope that current doctors, and doctors of the future, can work together to eliminate these from ever becoming an issue in the workplace.
The stories of patients in the ER were often interesting, but I was consistently bothered by how politically incorrect Holland was in her writing. In regards to mental illness, she commonly used the words "crazy" (a highly stigmatized word) and "insane" (which is not even a word used in psychology, it is used in courtrooms only - to be determined not guilty due to insanity - and has never been an accepted word in the psychology community). Although I am aware that what was taught in a psychology classroom in the late 1980s is vastly different in comparison to today, a physician with a doctorate and a specialization in psychology has no excuse to be using such degrading and stigmatized words to describe her patients. These are people suffering from mental disorders and she would be ridiculing them with other doctors, nurses, EMS workers and police officers - sometimes while she was right in front of the patient. I found the attempts at humour to be cruel and the stereotypical conception of America's past State Hospitals being set up as a sort of 'zoo' for people to come view and ridicule the mentally ill was brought to mind. It was painful to read, but I continued.
The author also treated some of her patients very poorly and unethically, at one point giving an arrested addict methadone to "shut him up", lying to a patient and validating their delusions in order to make them easier to deal with, and even using seductive strategies to gain the compliance of a patient. The level of sexism in this memoir is sickening - all more so when taking into account that this author is a woman. The presence of patriarchy is readily apparent in every page of this book. Holland repeatedly makes a point of having to act "more manly" as she believes that it is the only way to gain respect from her coworker, male EMS workers, and the hospital and city policemen she comes into contact with. She also asserts this dominance on patients in inappropriate ways - one time going as far as to give a patient a cavity search for an alleged razor blade (despite the fact that this is against protocol as it would have cut her finger if there were one hidden in the patient's cavity - something a MD should know better than doing) all in an attempt to gain the approval of the male police officers that had brought the patient in. This is something she later admits as a sadistic act against the patient, but she makes no admittance of remorse for her reasoning behind it. The author demoralizes herself and other women consistently throughout the book. She tells herself that she needs to "man up" when she is feeling emotional, insinuating that it is a uniquely female experience to express emotion and that it is beneficial to act like a male whom, according to Holland, does not express his emotions. Although Holland is respectful of a transgendered patient brought in, calling the patient by their preferred gender, she linguistically segregates transgendered individuals from the rest of the population in subtle ways such by referring to more than one transgendered person as "all them" "some of them" etc, which may sound innocent but when in the context it seemed quite inappropriate.
There are other things in this novel that bothered me quite a bit as well. The level of professionalism we uphold to medical professionals is shattered when you read Holland's stories of having sex with other resident doctors in the call room, drinking before starting her shift at work, letting her personal pride get in the way of her properly taking care of a patient, ridiculing patients (patients who, voluntarily or involuntarily, have been brought to Bellevue to get help for their medical and psychological problems), and it is disappointing to read about a well educated professional that is so completely and utterly politically incorrect, reaffirming the stigmas against mental illness rather than working to disassemble them, and expressing such blatant misogyny.
I am an avid lover of psychology. I believe it is every as bit important to our health system as any other medical field is. I believe that psychologists should express empathy towards the patients in and out of the workplace; a person with a mental illness should be treated as any other person would be. A person with schizophrenia that is having delusions is not funny, it is not ethical or even humane to laugh at their suffering. A person threatening suicide should be taken seriously, not received with skepticism because they have a history of drug abuse or homelessness, and they should not be denied a bed based on suspicions that they are lying when a middle classed man or woman claiming the same suicidal tendencies is given a bed without hesitation. This memoir made me disappointed in Bellevue hospital, in whatever hole in the educational system let such a misogynistic, uncaring, and sadistic woman become a medical doctorate, and most of all, it left me disgusted with Julie Holland. I express my deepest condolences to any human being that was ever left in her care and I hope that her actions did not damage their mental health in any way. I hope, for their own sakes, that Holland's patients (or anyone with a history of mental illness, for that matter) do not read this book as this view into Bellevue Psych ER is enough to eliminate any hopes these patients may have to get help at Bellevue.
Mostly, I hope that things have changed enough in the past two decades that doctors are educated enough to never, ever, act like this towards human beings. I hope that they can be compassionate and empathetic with their patients. I hope that they can be sensitive of issues surrounding misogyny, of stigmas against mental illness, and of discrimination towards transgendered individuals; I hope that current doctors, and doctors of the future, can work together to eliminate these from ever becoming an issue in the workplace.
September 11, 2010
I will start by saying that this book was a crashing bore. If you go into the reading of this book to learn about mental illnesses, you will be disappointed. If you go into it to take a journey of self discovery by the author, you will be disappointed. I listened to it on CD and several times forced myself not to skip whole sections. For example, the litany of morning report – who came into the ED last night, what their diagnosis is and the circumstances of their admission to Bellevue. Over and over and over. Who cares? And listening to the me, me, me, me self absorption and self referential meanderings of this author was like listening to a dial tone.
In "Weekends at Bellevue” the reader is fed a titillating smorgasbord of modern psychiatry -- narcissism, toxic relationship issues, ambiguity, conflict, and sexual obsession that seems an awful lot like what they used to call nymphomania. And most of it is about the author, psychiatrist Julie Holland who worked the weekend overnight shift at Bellevue from 1996 to 2005.
I have been in Holland’s situation and felt frustrated beyond reason with the tragedy of mental illnesses and the criminal inability of the U.S. health care system (and I use that word loosely) to actually care for those suffering from them. But, the big difference is that I did not lose my own “hair trigger empathy response” and when I felt walls going up, I switched over to a different venue in psych. Not so with Holland.
Actually, I read the plethora of negative reviews on this book, and I was determined to cut this woman a break. Throughout the book I kept hoping for something more than a wallowing and self indulgent recital of every thought this woman ever had. Stories and memoirs about physicians can illuminate the beauty and strength of the human spirit and can take us on a journey of self exploration and growth. Cutting for Stone and My Own Country by Abraham Verghese come to mind. But Holland is no Verghese and her memoir exploits a voyeuristic impulse to consume other people's suffering for entertainment.
A dark humor and what R.J. Lifton calls “psychological doubling” is a necessary defense in emergency work, but steadily engaging in it will take hold of a professional and strip them of their humanity. Parenthetically, Lifton also speaks to this. Holland should have spared herself all the dollars and hours in therapy and read her fellow psychiatrist’s articles and books on the subject. She would have seen herself in them – but this is a woman who has little insight or and is probably too arrogant to be able to engage in this kind of self reflection.
I agreed with most of the negative reviews on Amazon and G.R. but was surprised that no one mentioned that no self respecting psychiatrist in this day and age should constantly refer to people who are unfortunate to have an illness by their illness. Although professionals often use a jargon as a shorthand and call people with bipolar disorder “bipolar” or people with schizophrenia “schizophrenics” it has been hammered by the advocacy community into all our heads that people are not their illnesses. Once we think of them this way, they lose their status as human beings. This constant reference to “schizophrenics” and “bipolar” and “druggies” annoyed me to no end and also served as one more piece of evidence that this woman fails to see anything beyond herself and her own issues. Another piece of evidence when speaking to a person with psychosis, she tells us, is "a lot like talking to a dumb kid, only it's more pathetic." Pathetic. Does anyone want to be thought of as pathetic by their physician?
In a nutshell this book sets out to convey the toll that the devastating phenomenon that is mental illness takes on both patients and the professionals who care for them, but Dr. Holland's issues clearly began long before she was responsible for other people's mental health. She is also clearly engaged with only one patient – herself – she is just the kind of psychiatric professional that makes the rest of us cringe when we find them in the profession.
Don’t bother to spend your money on this book. I am glad I got it from the library.
Oh, a final thing, the audio-book has a photo of a goofy looking woman in surgical scrubs, cap, and mask. Did the publishers even go outside their heads to see what shrinks wear? They certainly do not dress as though they are going into the surgical suite.
In "Weekends at Bellevue” the reader is fed a titillating smorgasbord of modern psychiatry -- narcissism, toxic relationship issues, ambiguity, conflict, and sexual obsession that seems an awful lot like what they used to call nymphomania. And most of it is about the author, psychiatrist Julie Holland who worked the weekend overnight shift at Bellevue from 1996 to 2005.
I have been in Holland’s situation and felt frustrated beyond reason with the tragedy of mental illnesses and the criminal inability of the U.S. health care system (and I use that word loosely) to actually care for those suffering from them. But, the big difference is that I did not lose my own “hair trigger empathy response” and when I felt walls going up, I switched over to a different venue in psych. Not so with Holland.
Actually, I read the plethora of negative reviews on this book, and I was determined to cut this woman a break. Throughout the book I kept hoping for something more than a wallowing and self indulgent recital of every thought this woman ever had. Stories and memoirs about physicians can illuminate the beauty and strength of the human spirit and can take us on a journey of self exploration and growth. Cutting for Stone and My Own Country by Abraham Verghese come to mind. But Holland is no Verghese and her memoir exploits a voyeuristic impulse to consume other people's suffering for entertainment.
A dark humor and what R.J. Lifton calls “psychological doubling” is a necessary defense in emergency work, but steadily engaging in it will take hold of a professional and strip them of their humanity. Parenthetically, Lifton also speaks to this. Holland should have spared herself all the dollars and hours in therapy and read her fellow psychiatrist’s articles and books on the subject. She would have seen herself in them – but this is a woman who has little insight or and is probably too arrogant to be able to engage in this kind of self reflection.
I agreed with most of the negative reviews on Amazon and G.R. but was surprised that no one mentioned that no self respecting psychiatrist in this day and age should constantly refer to people who are unfortunate to have an illness by their illness. Although professionals often use a jargon as a shorthand and call people with bipolar disorder “bipolar” or people with schizophrenia “schizophrenics” it has been hammered by the advocacy community into all our heads that people are not their illnesses. Once we think of them this way, they lose their status as human beings. This constant reference to “schizophrenics” and “bipolar” and “druggies” annoyed me to no end and also served as one more piece of evidence that this woman fails to see anything beyond herself and her own issues. Another piece of evidence when speaking to a person with psychosis, she tells us, is "a lot like talking to a dumb kid, only it's more pathetic." Pathetic. Does anyone want to be thought of as pathetic by their physician?
In a nutshell this book sets out to convey the toll that the devastating phenomenon that is mental illness takes on both patients and the professionals who care for them, but Dr. Holland's issues clearly began long before she was responsible for other people's mental health. She is also clearly engaged with only one patient – herself – she is just the kind of psychiatric professional that makes the rest of us cringe when we find them in the profession.
Don’t bother to spend your money on this book. I am glad I got it from the library.
Oh, a final thing, the audio-book has a photo of a goofy looking woman in surgical scrubs, cap, and mask. Did the publishers even go outside their heads to see what shrinks wear? They certainly do not dress as though they are going into the surgical suite.
November 3, 2009
Julie Holland, M.D. is the weekend night shift doctor at Bellevue Psych Ward for nine years. Her job isn't particularly difficult unless there is night where the sheer volume of people coming through the door is overwhelming. By her own admission, she isn't very good at her job. From the stories she relates, you can take her at her word that she isn't very good at her job.
Staying with this book through the first half is difficult because the author is so unlikable. She is much more interested in convincing the reader how hip and cool she is based on admissions such as, she slept her way through the whole surgical team during her internship, no matter the marital status of any member. She was in a band and could have been a rock star. She did drugs. She's terribly witty, just ask her. Oh wait, you don't have to, she says so herself repeatedly.
I will give her credit for being very forthcoming and honest about herself and her personal life. I just don't think she gets she should be embarrassed about most of her character failings and instead continues to brag on them. She completely abandons her best friend during her dying and death, she flees NYC with her family the morning of the terrorist attack on the towers instead of running straight to the hospital like every other staff member, medical or not did, and she positions patients under a t.v. with their back to it and sits across from them so if the patient is too boring while being interviewed, she can watch t.v. instead of listening.
She puts herself into therapy for three years. (Of course.) Dr. Holland occasionally has epiphanies, or sudden insights into how she should have behaved or reacted, but they serve her only for the moment and are lost on her the next time a situation arises where she could have put the useful information into play. She seems to truly want to be a better person, and maybe she'll get there, but she's probably going to have to live a very long time to finish baking.
When she is concentrating on the goings on at the hospital the true tragedy of mental illness, and the astounding lack of care for those afflicted is heart wrenching. Given the policy is "get them on their feet and out the door" we don't get details of the life of the patient, just the circumstances that landed them in the psych E.R. There are numerous, sad, tragic, hopeless, and dangerous examples in this book. This book is more about the workings of the hospital than case studies though. Mostly what I gleaned from this book is any mental health care worker is probably more screwed up than I am, maybe just a little more functional allowing them to hide their illness better.
Dr. Holland writes the last chapter of this book as being sympathetic and kind to the mentally ill in society. She makes a very good case but it so conflicts with the preceding chapters of the book and how she behaved towards the mentally ill, I have to wonder if she or someone else wrote this chapter. In her Acknowledgments, Dr.Holland writes, "Simone Solondz boldly recommended I cut out some of the most provocative and objectionable stories." And, "Elizabeth Stein helped me to make some painful cuts and sutures." I'm guessing these were personal stories and not patient related.
Despite every criticism thus far, I did enjoy reading this book. It was extremely honest, a fast paced read, did offer valuable insight into the doctor treating the patient and what a thin line it is that lies between them. I wish Dr.Holland well on her journey.
Staying with this book through the first half is difficult because the author is so unlikable. She is much more interested in convincing the reader how hip and cool she is based on admissions such as, she slept her way through the whole surgical team during her internship, no matter the marital status of any member. She was in a band and could have been a rock star. She did drugs. She's terribly witty, just ask her. Oh wait, you don't have to, she says so herself repeatedly.
I will give her credit for being very forthcoming and honest about herself and her personal life. I just don't think she gets she should be embarrassed about most of her character failings and instead continues to brag on them. She completely abandons her best friend during her dying and death, she flees NYC with her family the morning of the terrorist attack on the towers instead of running straight to the hospital like every other staff member, medical or not did, and she positions patients under a t.v. with their back to it and sits across from them so if the patient is too boring while being interviewed, she can watch t.v. instead of listening.
She puts herself into therapy for three years. (Of course.) Dr. Holland occasionally has epiphanies, or sudden insights into how she should have behaved or reacted, but they serve her only for the moment and are lost on her the next time a situation arises where she could have put the useful information into play. She seems to truly want to be a better person, and maybe she'll get there, but she's probably going to have to live a very long time to finish baking.
When she is concentrating on the goings on at the hospital the true tragedy of mental illness, and the astounding lack of care for those afflicted is heart wrenching. Given the policy is "get them on their feet and out the door" we don't get details of the life of the patient, just the circumstances that landed them in the psych E.R. There are numerous, sad, tragic, hopeless, and dangerous examples in this book. This book is more about the workings of the hospital than case studies though. Mostly what I gleaned from this book is any mental health care worker is probably more screwed up than I am, maybe just a little more functional allowing them to hide their illness better.
Dr. Holland writes the last chapter of this book as being sympathetic and kind to the mentally ill in society. She makes a very good case but it so conflicts with the preceding chapters of the book and how she behaved towards the mentally ill, I have to wonder if she or someone else wrote this chapter. In her Acknowledgments, Dr.Holland writes, "Simone Solondz boldly recommended I cut out some of the most provocative and objectionable stories." And, "Elizabeth Stein helped me to make some painful cuts and sutures." I'm guessing these were personal stories and not patient related.
Despite every criticism thus far, I did enjoy reading this book. It was extremely honest, a fast paced read, did offer valuable insight into the doctor treating the patient and what a thin line it is that lies between them. I wish Dr.Holland well on her journey.
August 14, 2012
I feel like this book is very misrepresented in some of the reviews below. So I would like to clear up a few points while the story is still fresh in my head. First, Dr. Holland did not sleep her way through the entire surgical team. She slept with a few of them, it's true, but so what? It wasn't illegal and it wasn't something that she did to further her career. She was single and had consensual sex. Second, she does not say that talking with a mentally ill person is like talking to a slightly dumb child. She does say that talking with a serial killer is like talking to a dumb child. I'll let you decide if that offends you. And finally, Dr. Holland does not say that she is bad at her job, nor is there evidence showing that she is bad at her job. I doubt she would have kept her position for nine years if she did not know what she was doing. She presents as many doctors that I have run into present. On the surface, she is boisterous and slightly arrogent and full of bravado, convinced she is right. However, this whole book is about Dr. Holland learning how to be a better and nicer doctor. Through her whole journey, she is technically proficient but her bedside manner is weak. But it is Dr. Holland who recognizes that as a problem and works hard to address it.
Having just started my own work with people who struggle with severe mental illness, I enjoyed this book a lot. I did not always like Dr. Holland but I empathized with her struggles to stay open-hearted while continually faced with despair and loss.
Having just started my own work with people who struggle with severe mental illness, I enjoyed this book a lot. I did not always like Dr. Holland but I empathized with her struggles to stay open-hearted while continually faced with despair and loss.
March 9, 2010
http://tinyurl.com/ntrk3l
I now never want to go see the doctor again.
Yes, I knew doctors were fallible, but like this? The stories she tells (and which are clearly only sidebars related to the main tale) of the sneakiness, anger and most disturbing of all, the pride of these men and women that keep them from providing decent care to patients-- I just didn't want to know this. I want to know that my doctors are well-trained, alert to my problems, willing to listen to me, and not so dang heavy with the drugs.
Granted, this woman is not a general practitioner. No, sorry, she's a psychopharmacologist now. And if that isn't the hugest bunch of hooey I've ever heard! All this woman does is dispense cocktails of drugs to sad, lonely, barely mentally ill patients in a private practice three days a week. She obviously makes enough to maintain a family of four in NYC and 1-2 houses elsewhere (it's a little vague) with this farce of a job. Add to this the fact that her writing is a stunning example of someone so egotistical and narcissistic that it shines like a beacon on every page. I'm certain that a therapist should be able to see these things, especially when they're written on paper.
The Bellevue tales are truly shocking. But that's all they are. Designed to shock. I realize she thinks they're also designed to teach. Really? I'm supposed to learn how to handle myself in a psychotherapy ER by listening to you therapeutically discuss your failings as an ER doc, how you were confrontational and, frankly, emotionally abusive to your patients, something you never learned to rein in and not once realized you weren't suited to doing. Nine years it took you to realize this?! Go to the bottom of the class.
Oh, and all that blather from your prior co-workers about how they miss you and you'll never be forgotten. Yeah, that's because you took up an inordinate amount of space physically and emotionally. How could anyone forget that?
I now never want to go see the doctor again.
Yes, I knew doctors were fallible, but like this? The stories she tells (and which are clearly only sidebars related to the main tale) of the sneakiness, anger and most disturbing of all, the pride of these men and women that keep them from providing decent care to patients-- I just didn't want to know this. I want to know that my doctors are well-trained, alert to my problems, willing to listen to me, and not so dang heavy with the drugs.
Granted, this woman is not a general practitioner. No, sorry, she's a psychopharmacologist now. And if that isn't the hugest bunch of hooey I've ever heard! All this woman does is dispense cocktails of drugs to sad, lonely, barely mentally ill patients in a private practice three days a week. She obviously makes enough to maintain a family of four in NYC and 1-2 houses elsewhere (it's a little vague) with this farce of a job. Add to this the fact that her writing is a stunning example of someone so egotistical and narcissistic that it shines like a beacon on every page. I'm certain that a therapist should be able to see these things, especially when they're written on paper.
The Bellevue tales are truly shocking. But that's all they are. Designed to shock. I realize she thinks they're also designed to teach. Really? I'm supposed to learn how to handle myself in a psychotherapy ER by listening to you therapeutically discuss your failings as an ER doc, how you were confrontational and, frankly, emotionally abusive to your patients, something you never learned to rein in and not once realized you weren't suited to doing. Nine years it took you to realize this?! Go to the bottom of the class.
Oh, and all that blather from your prior co-workers about how they miss you and you'll never be forgotten. Yeah, that's because you took up an inordinate amount of space physically and emotionally. How could anyone forget that?
July 22, 2009
I should point out two things that may influence my 5-star review: 1) medical narratives fascinate me completely, and 2) I've grown up hearing the kinds of stories found in this memoir from a family member who has worked in a similar setting. So right from the start this book grabbed my attention and just 2 days later left me looking for other similar titles.
The author shares her almost decade long experience working at the Bellevue Comprehensive Psychiatry Emergency Program (CPEP), which is the "regular" emergency room equivalent for those who are mentally distressed or unstable. The bulk of the story focuses on her years working the weekend overnight shifts, chronicling the patients she encounters and tries to help, and how it affects her over time.
This is warts-and-all account and the inclusion of some sexual peccadilloes is in line with her honest reporting of all her personal battles, including growing frustrations with patients and the start of professional burnout. The patients she writes about are always interesting but limited to the time she spends with them, which is minimal because as she points out toward the end of the book, she only cares for them in a triage setting, helping them get better enough to go elsewhere for (hopefully) longer term care. It is this lack of extended care that eventually wears on the doctor because with the typical severity of the disease afflicting her patients she comes to learn it's better to imagine they've gotten better after leaving the emergency room than to be weighed down with knowledge that, more often than not, they haven't.
This is a very illuminating work about mental health and how it affects patients, doctors, and their families. It is also a telling example of the battle doctors face when they have to have just enough compassion for the patients to care for them but also balance it out with just enough detachment so that they don't get burned out when patients are too difficult or impossible to care for completely. Throw in hospital politics, changes in staff, and a family to the mix and you'll have a good idea just how complicated working in this field can become, and in Weekends at Bellevue you'll see how the author deals with and overcomes these obstacles.
The author shares her almost decade long experience working at the Bellevue Comprehensive Psychiatry Emergency Program (CPEP), which is the "regular" emergency room equivalent for those who are mentally distressed or unstable. The bulk of the story focuses on her years working the weekend overnight shifts, chronicling the patients she encounters and tries to help, and how it affects her over time.
This is warts-and-all account and the inclusion of some sexual peccadilloes is in line with her honest reporting of all her personal battles, including growing frustrations with patients and the start of professional burnout. The patients she writes about are always interesting but limited to the time she spends with them, which is minimal because as she points out toward the end of the book, she only cares for them in a triage setting, helping them get better enough to go elsewhere for (hopefully) longer term care. It is this lack of extended care that eventually wears on the doctor because with the typical severity of the disease afflicting her patients she comes to learn it's better to imagine they've gotten better after leaving the emergency room than to be weighed down with knowledge that, more often than not, they haven't.
This is a very illuminating work about mental health and how it affects patients, doctors, and their families. It is also a telling example of the battle doctors face when they have to have just enough compassion for the patients to care for them but also balance it out with just enough detachment so that they don't get burned out when patients are too difficult or impossible to care for completely. Throw in hospital politics, changes in staff, and a family to the mix and you'll have a good idea just how complicated working in this field can become, and in Weekends at Bellevue you'll see how the author deals with and overcomes these obstacles.
August 11, 2013
I now understand why the mental health care in this country is so terrible. Somehow she was hired and paid to take care of emergency psychological cases at one of the foremost hospitals in the US. This woman set up a patient so that if her story was boring, Dr. Holland could watch Saturday Night Live instead. I am not kidding you. She states this unabashedly and without even an apology brought upon by reflection. She violates ehtics and potentially the law by giving a patient one drug and telling him it's a different one. This drug was mentioned in the previous pages as a drug that wouldn't be pleasant for another patient to take, so without telling us (those without a degree in pharmacy) why it would give that other patient a bad time, we can only assume it will give this patient an unpleasant experience. You can try to justify this by the fact that this man was a criminal, but the fact remains: she lied to a patient and told a trainee that it was justified and ok to do.
This woman has no rapport with patients, tells them she doesn't believe them, and generally doesn't care about them at all.
How this woman was ever allowed to practice psychiatry, I have no idea.
As for the book, well...I went into it hoping to hear about the processes and how the doctors work through everything. I've read patient accounts, I thought this book would show me the other side. It did not. I spent more time learning about her therapy, hatred of a fellow staff member (later her supervisor), and how "woe is me, my best friend is dying of cancer".
I went looking for an account of what it's like to work on a psychiatric facility. I didn't get that.
It's called a memoir, but honestly? I don't know a damn thing about this woman other than she's self absorbed and a terrible doctor. If she showed up as a doctor for me or anyone I knew, I would request a different doctor or strongly suggest a different one.
She tells, doesn't show and quite honestly, I don't believe her. She says she gets too emotional about her patients. Really? I saw no evidence of that. She says she has great empathy. Uh...nope, not at all. She admits she doesn't bond well with patients.
This is such a baffling and irritating book. Avoid it.
This woman has no rapport with patients, tells them she doesn't believe them, and generally doesn't care about them at all.
How this woman was ever allowed to practice psychiatry, I have no idea.
As for the book, well...I went into it hoping to hear about the processes and how the doctors work through everything. I've read patient accounts, I thought this book would show me the other side. It did not. I spent more time learning about her therapy, hatred of a fellow staff member (later her supervisor), and how "woe is me, my best friend is dying of cancer".
I went looking for an account of what it's like to work on a psychiatric facility. I didn't get that.
It's called a memoir, but honestly? I don't know a damn thing about this woman other than she's self absorbed and a terrible doctor. If she showed up as a doctor for me or anyone I knew, I would request a different doctor or strongly suggest a different one.
She tells, doesn't show and quite honestly, I don't believe her. She says she gets too emotional about her patients. Really? I saw no evidence of that. She says she has great empathy. Uh...nope, not at all. She admits she doesn't bond well with patients.
This is such a baffling and irritating book. Avoid it.
October 4, 2009
"Julie Holland?"
"Yes, voice?"
"Voice?"
"Yes."
"Just who do you think I am?!?"
"Who do you think you are?"
"God, of course!"
"How does that make you feel?"
"Powerful."
"Are you happy with that answer?"
"Yes. No! Stop this, Julie! Stand, and give an account of your life."
"Shouldn't you already know everything? Besides, a lot of it is in my book, Weekends at Bellevue- the patients, the internal conflict, co-worker relationships and power struggles, details about sexual activities during residency, my slow build-up to burn-out, the hospital's review board's finding of my actions during ..."
"Fine; enough! Michael, for my sake! buzz her in." *bzzzzz*
"Why does God need a gate?"
"Shut up, Julie. You're in now. Try and make yourself comfortable."
****************************************************************
If you have read this book, you'll know what should happen next. If you haven't read the book, well, I'll be nice and just tell you: Julie will find it hard to take comfort in paradise. First, there's the power structure, who died and made God God? And then, she'll start wanting to ask questions, partly because she is good at what she does and partly because she will not be sure, maybe, of conceiving a grace that would spare her and not others. And why is that? Because she is a fairly normal and decent person, spending long devoted years at Bellevue and working in private practice, trying to make others comfortable with themselves. Adjusting things to account for her own comfort would be a difficult task. Difficult, but not impossible, and this is what she chronicles in the book, really. But coming from this perspective is a good thing. At least, it's good for her book, Weekends at Bellevue. The searing spotlight of inquiry and examination is something that this good Dr. likes to keep on at all times, many times gazing good and long on her own motivations and struggles. She likes the process of just getting it all out there, emptying the container of memory of her nine years at Bellevue working alongside the mentally troubled, sometimes sweating, cursing, or shouting hallelujah or Eureka! in the process.
I imagine that Dr. Holland probably wanted to put more into this memoir, including stories much more raw and gritty than what was left in the final copy. Being partial to wanting an overabundance of material myself, I can't tell whether or not this final copy serves best. But, as it stands, the book deals fairly and humanely with those she serves and attempts to serve during her time at Bellevue.
The book is extremely readable, and it is a mercy that Dr. Holland writes with such understandable point-of-fact candor, absolving my poor eyes of the task of endless searching through medical dictionaries and reference material to figure out just what in the hell she means.
March 2, 2010
This book began with such promise. I was intrigued with Dr. Holland after hearing her on some news show on NPR and decided to give it a go.
While the title, Weekends at Bellvue, and the introductory pages imply case studies of the cases there and lessons learned, I quickly got the feeling that this was more a memoir about Dr. Holland herself and generally her transformation from an eager, curious student, into a narcissistic, self-absorbed doctor who is more interested (despite her protestations to the contrary) in maintaining what she perceives to be her "badass" image than treating many of her patients with a modicum of dignity.
I also couldn't quite shake the feeling that this was also Dr. Holland's chance to tell the world what a jerk Daniel was to her. She spends quite a lot of time talking about how awful Daniel is, how dismissive he was of her. In some ways, I have to wonder if she was jealous of Daniel, who took the time to be with their supervisor Lucy, who was dying of breast cancer, while she couldn't...or wouldn't.
Works like this often end with the author reflecting upon how he or she has grown and become a better person, and how the tragedy he or she has witnessed has changed them forever. Not so with Dr. Holland. Perhaps I was jaded by the end, but it was difficult for me to mentally pat Dr. Holland on the back for fleeing Bellvue for her family's second home in Cape Cod, wondering if her legacy remained intact. Perhaps the final pages describe it best, as she recalled how Lucy would open a random page of the copy of the New Testament in the nurses' station for guidance. Dr. Holland merely states that she wants Weekends at Bellvue to be right there next to it. One would think that she of all people would be moved by the endless sadness and heartbreak, but what I personally got from it was her wanting validation from her readers for "transcending" the grit and unhappiness that is Bellvue's emergency ward. Sorry, Dr. Holland, not everyone gets to practice three days a week and weekend in New England.
October 5, 2011
This particular piece of work is an autobiography from an author of a former psych ER doctor who used to work the renowned Bellevue hospital of New York City. I would say that the book is a mixture of the author’s personal life, mixed in with her time spent as a psych doctor; the mixture being half and half. The patients that are mentioned in this book are sad, but what is even sadder and scarier are the times when this doctor describes her care of these patients. There are times when she is caring, but there are more times when she is not caring but should have been. She has a private practice which treats patients that are not the typical type as seen at Bellevue, so maybe she did not realize that she was coming across as a doctor who really hated being around the mentally disturbed poor people which was the norm coming through Bellevue doors; it really did seem like she preferred to be around the more sanitized, pill popping, “That’s Hot!” group of patients. There are other bad impressions that I got after reading this book. In one part of the book she writes about how she keeps thinking about sex and the DOCTORS THAT SHE HAS HAD SEX WITH and in another part of the book she describes how she had to rush a patient to the medical ER part of the hospital because SHE DID NOT KNOW HOW TO BAG (bag-mask ventilation) A PATIENT AND PERFORM CPR. Two words: UNPROFESSIONAL & UNACCEPTABLE! I don’t care if she’s a psychiatrist who specializes in psychopharmacology, because if she was the lead doctor working in a psych emergency room then she should have damn well known how to perform CPR! I cannot recommend this book to anyone who may be thinking of reading this book. There are other good autobiographical books in the health section of your local bookstore or library that you could choose from that would be more worth your wild in reading.
July 29, 2013
I think it is very easy for people who do not work in the mental health field to make comments about this author and her story. As a mental health professional myself, I found a lot of this book very relatable. Dr Holland was open about her flaws because it shows her growth. Seeing such sad and overwhelmingly crazy situations every day is mentally exhausting and we all use humor to survive. Judging her survival mechanism is unfair if you have never been in the situation.
To criticize Dr Holland's abilities is also unfair. Everyone has doubts of their abilities, especially when we are first learning. Dr Holland was brave enough to share those as well. Being responsible for someone's life on that level is an enormous pressure. It takes time to feel confident and there will always be situations where we just aren't. I agree she made some personal choices I would have not made but her story is honest and reflects her journey. She very accurately depicts what life is like in a hospital, it's a fishbowl where people become connected intensely through high pressured situations that people outside of the hospital will never understand.
I found her depiction of how she handled Lucy's death one of her most honest moments. It was so hard she pulled away...she is not proud of it and obviously regrets it but is showing that even though she knew she was doing it and why it was still a struggle for her.
I think it is important to remember this is someone's life, not a created work. I found this book to be refreshing and cathartic. Definitely recommendable!
To criticize Dr Holland's abilities is also unfair. Everyone has doubts of their abilities, especially when we are first learning. Dr Holland was brave enough to share those as well. Being responsible for someone's life on that level is an enormous pressure. It takes time to feel confident and there will always be situations where we just aren't. I agree she made some personal choices I would have not made but her story is honest and reflects her journey. She very accurately depicts what life is like in a hospital, it's a fishbowl where people become connected intensely through high pressured situations that people outside of the hospital will never understand.
I found her depiction of how she handled Lucy's death one of her most honest moments. It was so hard she pulled away...she is not proud of it and obviously regrets it but is showing that even though she knew she was doing it and why it was still a struggle for her.
I think it is important to remember this is someone's life, not a created work. I found this book to be refreshing and cathartic. Definitely recommendable!
January 21, 2012
I learned about Weekends at Bellevue on NPR. I was excited to finally have the chance to read it because I love psychology and thought it would be fun to hear about all the wacky cases that passed through their doors. However, from the get go I hated the author. Maybe hate is not a fair word. Detest?
She starts off by saying, "I am smart -- more than that, a smart ass". First of all when you're writing a book, the story is supposed to tell who you are. Second, who describes themselves that way?? Most likely a person who is neither smart nor a smart ass. And the book goes on to show that this is true. It is, indeed, the truly smart who use phrases like 'verbal diarrhea'. And only the smartest of people who take it a step further and use it in print.
What I really found awful was that she thought it was appropriate to use sex as a way of making it in a man's world. She lists all the co-workers that she's had sex with, bragging that one was married, which is incredibly skeazy and was not pertinent to the story at all. She encourages flirtations and sexual banter, but runs to the head of the department to tattle on her boss for inappropriate sexual comments because he is not interested in her. Gross, gross, gross. I have nothing against a person who is comfortable with their sexuality, but to use it in this way just perpetuates the idea that women can't be equals in a medical setting and makes it that much harder for the girls that follow.
Through the whole book she keeps going on and on about how her dad was the cause for all of her mental anguish as an adult. She compares the trauma in her upbringing to the problems of the homeless schizophrenic. Dear god, what did her father do to her you may ask? Well, one of her worst memories was when she was small and driving in the car with her parents, smacking her lips together really loud because she was thirsty. And her dad turned around and beat the shit out of her? Nope, he told her to quit making that noise. What cruelty! I had a very similar episode in my life. I was making one of the most beautiful noises in the backseat of the car, which my dad was not able to appreciate because of some brain deficit and he yelled at me to stop. I think about it to this day. And laugh. And plot when I will regale him with the lovely noise again.
I could go on and on about the shortcomings of this lady. How she treats her patients with disrespect. How she's a whiner. But, perhaps it isn't right to criticize the author's character? So instead, I'll criticize her writing.
If someone were to hand you a book titled 'Metaphors and Similes For Everyday Use' and dared you to work every single one into your book, this is what you would get. Let me give you just one example:
"He and I are going to go spelunking inside his dark cave to see if we can't figure out what is making him tick like a time bomb. I'm excited, as if staring across the Grand Canyon, about to do an Evel Knievel on my motorcycle."
Now imagine a whole book full of these!
If that weren't bad, I cannot tell you how many times she used the world 'macho' to describe herself. Upwards of 200 I'm sure. The word popped up on just about every page, which was always a surprise to me because I couldn't see it. Rather I saw a woman that embodied just about every horrible girl stereotype that I could imagine.
Then she feels the need to define and explain everything. She says she calls the fifth pocket in jeans the 'drug pocket' and then goes on for a few more sentences explaining why. No need. Drug pocket says it all. She also defines what a rave is. I'm pretty sure even my grandma wouldn't have needed a definition for this. You really get the sense that she thinks you're an idiot. But I guess that's okay because the feeling is mutual.
But did I learn anything??
Well I did. I learned that the medical ER is a place only for people who are suicidal or a threat to others. Anyone else who needs help gets turned away. Where do they go?? It's so sad to think about people seeking mental help, but who aren't able to get it.
I also learned never to go to Dr. Julie Holland.
She starts off by saying, "I am smart -- more than that, a smart ass". First of all when you're writing a book, the story is supposed to tell who you are. Second, who describes themselves that way?? Most likely a person who is neither smart nor a smart ass. And the book goes on to show that this is true. It is, indeed, the truly smart who use phrases like 'verbal diarrhea'. And only the smartest of people who take it a step further and use it in print.
What I really found awful was that she thought it was appropriate to use sex as a way of making it in a man's world. She lists all the co-workers that she's had sex with, bragging that one was married, which is incredibly skeazy and was not pertinent to the story at all. She encourages flirtations and sexual banter, but runs to the head of the department to tattle on her boss for inappropriate sexual comments because he is not interested in her. Gross, gross, gross. I have nothing against a person who is comfortable with their sexuality, but to use it in this way just perpetuates the idea that women can't be equals in a medical setting and makes it that much harder for the girls that follow.
Through the whole book she keeps going on and on about how her dad was the cause for all of her mental anguish as an adult. She compares the trauma in her upbringing to the problems of the homeless schizophrenic. Dear god, what did her father do to her you may ask? Well, one of her worst memories was when she was small and driving in the car with her parents, smacking her lips together really loud because she was thirsty. And her dad turned around and beat the shit out of her? Nope, he told her to quit making that noise. What cruelty! I had a very similar episode in my life. I was making one of the most beautiful noises in the backseat of the car, which my dad was not able to appreciate because of some brain deficit and he yelled at me to stop. I think about it to this day. And laugh. And plot when I will regale him with the lovely noise again.
I could go on and on about the shortcomings of this lady. How she treats her patients with disrespect. How she's a whiner. But, perhaps it isn't right to criticize the author's character? So instead, I'll criticize her writing.
If someone were to hand you a book titled 'Metaphors and Similes For Everyday Use' and dared you to work every single one into your book, this is what you would get. Let me give you just one example:
"He and I are going to go spelunking inside his dark cave to see if we can't figure out what is making him tick like a time bomb. I'm excited, as if staring across the Grand Canyon, about to do an Evel Knievel on my motorcycle."
Now imagine a whole book full of these!
If that weren't bad, I cannot tell you how many times she used the world 'macho' to describe herself. Upwards of 200 I'm sure. The word popped up on just about every page, which was always a surprise to me because I couldn't see it. Rather I saw a woman that embodied just about every horrible girl stereotype that I could imagine.
Then she feels the need to define and explain everything. She says she calls the fifth pocket in jeans the 'drug pocket' and then goes on for a few more sentences explaining why. No need. Drug pocket says it all. She also defines what a rave is. I'm pretty sure even my grandma wouldn't have needed a definition for this. You really get the sense that she thinks you're an idiot. But I guess that's okay because the feeling is mutual.
But did I learn anything??
Well I did. I learned that the medical ER is a place only for people who are suicidal or a threat to others. Anyone else who needs help gets turned away. Where do they go?? It's so sad to think about people seeking mental help, but who aren't able to get it.
I also learned never to go to Dr. Julie Holland.
September 18, 2009
So...I want to give this book four stars because that rating would reflect my interest/level of engagement in this book and how quickly I read it. I just can't do it, though.
Julie Holland's tales of her work as a psychiatric ER doc are funny, heartbreaking, puzzling, even touching at times. But the patients are only a backdrop to Holland's own life story--this is a medical memoir with more emphasis on the memoir than the medical. Coming into the profession with a self-professed testosterone-fueled swagger and cavalier attitude toward her patients, Holland spends some years being a detached jerk to her patients. She thrives on the wildly unbalanced power dynamic between doctor and patient, approaching her cases with aggression more than compassion under the guise of needing to stay emotionally removed to survive. As the years wear on and Holland's life circumstances change in a number of ways (she loses a best friend, goes to therapy, is attacked by the patient, gets married, has kids), she can't keep up the macho veneer anymore and finally seems to realize it's hurting her abilities as a doctor. She admits she can't find the right balance between aggressive detachment and crippling empathy and wisely decides it's time to move on from Bellevue.
As you would expect of a memoir written by a psychiatrist, Holland is hyper self-aware and is constantly evaluating her own state of mind, her actions, and her motivations. Certainly a healthy level of these activities is necessary to be a well-balanced individual of any profession, but Holland's really border on narcissism. She even uses this word once to describe her fear of being forgotten once she leaves Bellevue, and I think it's appropriate. As much as I enjoyed reading the book, I have to give it three stars for the excessive and sometimes grating self-focus. Multiple times she discusses her sex life in ways that do not add much to the narrative but seem to make her feel cool and powerful. She could have ended the book with a statement about mental health or her patients but instead chooses a hackneyed solo sailing scene that made me cringe.
Very much worth the read if you're interested in mental health/public health issues, but be prepared for the memoir-as-therapy approach.
Julie Holland's tales of her work as a psychiatric ER doc are funny, heartbreaking, puzzling, even touching at times. But the patients are only a backdrop to Holland's own life story--this is a medical memoir with more emphasis on the memoir than the medical. Coming into the profession with a self-professed testosterone-fueled swagger and cavalier attitude toward her patients, Holland spends some years being a detached jerk to her patients. She thrives on the wildly unbalanced power dynamic between doctor and patient, approaching her cases with aggression more than compassion under the guise of needing to stay emotionally removed to survive. As the years wear on and Holland's life circumstances change in a number of ways (she loses a best friend, goes to therapy, is attacked by the patient, gets married, has kids), she can't keep up the macho veneer anymore and finally seems to realize it's hurting her abilities as a doctor. She admits she can't find the right balance between aggressive detachment and crippling empathy and wisely decides it's time to move on from Bellevue.
As you would expect of a memoir written by a psychiatrist, Holland is hyper self-aware and is constantly evaluating her own state of mind, her actions, and her motivations. Certainly a healthy level of these activities is necessary to be a well-balanced individual of any profession, but Holland's really border on narcissism. She even uses this word once to describe her fear of being forgotten once she leaves Bellevue, and I think it's appropriate. As much as I enjoyed reading the book, I have to give it three stars for the excessive and sometimes grating self-focus. Multiple times she discusses her sex life in ways that do not add much to the narrative but seem to make her feel cool and powerful. She could have ended the book with a statement about mental health or her patients but instead chooses a hackneyed solo sailing scene that made me cringe.
Very much worth the read if you're interested in mental health/public health issues, but be prepared for the memoir-as-therapy approach.
July 30, 2013
This is a memoir of one doctor’s nine years spent on the night shift at the psych E.R.
I majored in psychology and really wanted to like this book. I’ve read other memoirs about “becoming a doctor” and was expecting interesting insights and some colorful and entertaining “patient profiles” (altered to protect identities, of course). But this memoir isn’t about Bellevue and the many patients who come there. It’s about Holland.
I cannot remember when I’ve read a memoir that is more self-centered. There is a little bit of interesting information regarding Bellevue’s psychiatric emergency room, but not enough to redeem it. The jacket blurbs applaud her candor; I found her inappropriate behavior disturbing for the doctor in charge of a busy city psych E.R. (in one episode she stops at a cocktail party before going to work the night shift; in another she describes her efforts to have sex with as many residents as possible). I suppose it’s a good thing that she chose to become a psychopharmacologist (i.e. she does not treat patients with psychotherapy but with drugs); she certainly doesn’t seem to have enough insight to be successful at the traditional psychotherapy techniques.
If it weren’t for the fact that the book satisfied a challenge for a game I’m playing I would have abandoned it.
I majored in psychology and really wanted to like this book. I’ve read other memoirs about “becoming a doctor” and was expecting interesting insights and some colorful and entertaining “patient profiles” (altered to protect identities, of course). But this memoir isn’t about Bellevue and the many patients who come there. It’s about Holland.
I cannot remember when I’ve read a memoir that is more self-centered. There is a little bit of interesting information regarding Bellevue’s psychiatric emergency room, but not enough to redeem it. The jacket blurbs applaud her candor; I found her inappropriate behavior disturbing for the doctor in charge of a busy city psych E.R. (in one episode she stops at a cocktail party before going to work the night shift; in another she describes her efforts to have sex with as many residents as possible). I suppose it’s a good thing that she chose to become a psychopharmacologist (i.e. she does not treat patients with psychotherapy but with drugs); she certainly doesn’t seem to have enough insight to be successful at the traditional psychotherapy techniques.
If it weren’t for the fact that the book satisfied a challenge for a game I’m playing I would have abandoned it.
February 22, 2010
In this admittedly disjointed memoir, Holland reveals just what it takes to run the weekend shift at one of America's most famous mental hospitals for almost a decade. Not one to sugarcoat reality, Holland paints a disturbing picture of our current mental healthcare priorities, and quite frankly of herself. I'll admit there were plenty of aspects of her life and personality which I found off-putting, but the raw honesty she displays is a testament to her commitment. I'm not sure I'd choose Holland as a friend or as a doctor, but suspect it was her ability to compartmentalize that made it possible for her to do her job and do it fairly well for 9 years.
Ultimately, I would have preferred a slightly more cohesive narrative structure; the book reads like a series of unrelated vignettes until close to the end. That said, this is certainly a book worth reading if you are in the mental health field. Though I could wish for a more sympathetic narrator, I suspect that Holland's rather grim portrayal of herself reflects the real truth about those battling on the front lines of the mental heathcare system- too little time, too few beds, and too little follow-up must wear down even the most optimistic of practitioners.
Ultimately, I would have preferred a slightly more cohesive narrative structure; the book reads like a series of unrelated vignettes until close to the end. That said, this is certainly a book worth reading if you are in the mental health field. Though I could wish for a more sympathetic narrator, I suspect that Holland's rather grim portrayal of herself reflects the real truth about those battling on the front lines of the mental heathcare system- too little time, too few beds, and too little follow-up must wear down even the most optimistic of practitioners.
February 22, 2010
Dr. Julie Holland shares her experiences working the Psych ER at Bellevue Hospital in NYC for 9 years. She also tells us about her medical training and her family life.
This is a quick and easy read, it is interesting and informative. I don't always like her, I don't always agree with everything she says; but she commands respect and some of the things that she said are things that I will think about in my own life. As the parent of a child newly on a psych med the book came to me at an appropriate time. Some of her statements were very comforting to me. I also appreciated her sense of humor.
Dr. Holland, you ask, "To murmur the same lines as everyone else - "My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss." - what does that accomplish?" As a bereaved parent I would like to let you know that it accomplishes a lot. Each person that said it gave comfort, and every card that was received that said it was kept and cherished. But I also want to thank you for saying, "It is the ultimate undoing, the pain of losing a child."
I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.
This is a quick and easy read, it is interesting and informative. I don't always like her, I don't always agree with everything she says; but she commands respect and some of the things that she said are things that I will think about in my own life. As the parent of a child newly on a psych med the book came to me at an appropriate time. Some of her statements were very comforting to me. I also appreciated her sense of humor.
Dr. Holland, you ask, "To murmur the same lines as everyone else - "My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss." - what does that accomplish?" As a bereaved parent I would like to let you know that it accomplishes a lot. Each person that said it gave comfort, and every card that was received that said it was kept and cherished. But I also want to thank you for saying, "It is the ultimate undoing, the pain of losing a child."
I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.
December 9, 2017
The author admits a harsh exterior as a defense mechanism but at her core is a caring and witty doctor who has a very tough job to do. There was a time during the reading of this book where I almost gave up in disgust of her attitude but I am glad I continued reading because I witnessed her maturity evolving during the nine years of working weekends as a shrink at Bellevue. The self awareness and addressing of her issues were vast and impressive to me and made me realize that our mindsets are subject to change and we are all going through painful lessons and learning through life experience. Plus I lived vicariously through Julie as she shared her cases and how she dealt with them and how it altered her. Amazing transformation and recommended for all emergency service workers dealing with psychiatry.
May 16, 2018
As a veteran of the psychiatric assessment team at a city hospital, I was drawn to Julie Holland's book. I was not disappointed. Dr. Holland gives the reader a complete picture of day to day experiences, as she describes the diversity of patients, their stories and the personal impact of this kind of work. Excellent read. I highly recommend this book to anyone wishing for more insight into this venue for psychiatric care..
September 9, 2009
This is a bluntly honest and most candid reflection of a doctor who holds a mirror before herself. We see first hand, as Dr. Julie Holland, MD, provides a running commentary about working at one of the most famous psychiatric hospitals in the nation. Dr. Holland attempts to provide a view of her world from arms length as she shows the world life inside the ER at Bellevue.
Julie is candid, while also seemingly doing a self report on her own issues, as she delves into the hearts and minds of those derranged and disturbed souls before her. Few doctors today have the ability to be as reflective and as introspective as this young woman. She is straight talking and moves with agility as she maneuvers thru this complex ER.
Bellevue, despite its poetic name, is no walk in the park. Certainly not for the squeamish or the faint of heart. However, those who provide for this population give the reader a whole new appreciation for the care and concern given.
Sometimes irreverant and often quick with the lip and fast on the hip, Dr. Julie seldom loses a beat as she assesses her patients, while keeping a firm eye on those whom she becomes fond of in her environment.
This is a book that shows how seriously we are able to fall as humans when life becomes too much or that we are no longer able to cope. Or, that we genetically cannot deal with that which is before us.
This book is a marvelous opportunity to reflect on what is important and how much each of us can contribute as the world spins on. This book could be the basis for a new television series!
Well done!
Julie is candid, while also seemingly doing a self report on her own issues, as she delves into the hearts and minds of those derranged and disturbed souls before her. Few doctors today have the ability to be as reflective and as introspective as this young woman. She is straight talking and moves with agility as she maneuvers thru this complex ER.
Bellevue, despite its poetic name, is no walk in the park. Certainly not for the squeamish or the faint of heart. However, those who provide for this population give the reader a whole new appreciation for the care and concern given.
Sometimes irreverant and often quick with the lip and fast on the hip, Dr. Julie seldom loses a beat as she assesses her patients, while keeping a firm eye on those whom she becomes fond of in her environment.
This is a book that shows how seriously we are able to fall as humans when life becomes too much or that we are no longer able to cope. Or, that we genetically cannot deal with that which is before us.
This book is a marvelous opportunity to reflect on what is important and how much each of us can contribute as the world spins on. This book could be the basis for a new television series!
Well done!
December 26, 2013
Other reviewers have covered the elements that make this book at best annoying and at its worst, kind of despicable. Having heard many stories from my mom's time spent working at the Bellevue adolescent psych ward in the 70s while she was in social work school, I was expecting something, well, just better.
I have to just put one little thing out there: WTF was up with the author simultaneously writing a book about MDMA and naming her kid Molly?!? Really?
I have to just put one little thing out there: WTF was up with the author simultaneously writing a book about MDMA and naming her kid Molly?!? Really?
April 22, 2024
I really enjoyed this, especially while currently interning on an inpatient psych unit. Agree with many of the other reviews that the way she talks about patients and colleagues is horrid, but I enjoyed the stories, and I felt equally interested in her life story (which I tend to find more boring in these types of memoirs since I have no real connection to the author). Briefly touches on the systems level issues in psychiatry which I appreciated.
October 11, 2010
What I expected to get out of this memoir (and mostly didn’t get, with a few exceptions):
Something along the lines of Just Here Trying to Save a Few Lives: Tales of Life and Death from the ER, with vivid descriptions of psychiatric emergency room life and fascinating stories
Some education about the processes in the psychiatric emergency room, such as how interviews are conducted and decisions made
Experiences I could relate to, especially as a budding psychologist
An author I could relate to, especially as a budding psychologist
Some kind of narrative structure with a beginning, middle, and end; or at least a central theme connecting the various chapters/anecdotes
What I didn’t expect to get out of this memoir (and got in spades):
Long, repetitive lists of anonymous patients entering the Bellevue psychiatric emergency room with dry recitation of the circumstances surrounding their admission and little follow-up on most of these individuals
Detailed descriptions of the author’s sessions with her therapist
Tales of the author’s sexual adventures as a medical resident
A blow-by-blow recounting of the author’s labor and birth (not to mention her efforts at conceiving her second child)
Griping about the various ins and outs of the author’s feud with a co-worker
Examples of the author’s coolness, hipness, and female macho-ness
A long series of disjointed anecdotes of varying relevance with no apparent structure
Basically, I was expecting a memoir about Bellevue and instead, got a memoir about Julie, a woman with Liz Gilbert’s self-absorption but lacking her charm. Now, in addition to Julie Powell, Julia Scheeres, and Julie Metz, we have Julie Holland to add to our list of exhibitionistic memoirists named Julie.
With that said, I will offer a little disclaimer/apology here in fairness to Julie because for all my snarkiness, I did like the last part where Julie spoke poignantly about the tragedy of mental illness. And some of the anecdotes and personal insights were actually interesting and relevant. But for the most part, the above still stands.
Something along the lines of Just Here Trying to Save a Few Lives: Tales of Life and Death from the ER, with vivid descriptions of psychiatric emergency room life and fascinating stories
Some education about the processes in the psychiatric emergency room, such as how interviews are conducted and decisions made
Experiences I could relate to, especially as a budding psychologist
An author I could relate to, especially as a budding psychologist
Some kind of narrative structure with a beginning, middle, and end; or at least a central theme connecting the various chapters/anecdotes
What I didn’t expect to get out of this memoir (and got in spades):
Long, repetitive lists of anonymous patients entering the Bellevue psychiatric emergency room with dry recitation of the circumstances surrounding their admission and little follow-up on most of these individuals
Detailed descriptions of the author’s sessions with her therapist
Tales of the author’s sexual adventures as a medical resident
A blow-by-blow recounting of the author’s labor and birth (not to mention her efforts at conceiving her second child)
Griping about the various ins and outs of the author’s feud with a co-worker
Examples of the author’s coolness, hipness, and female macho-ness
A long series of disjointed anecdotes of varying relevance with no apparent structure
Basically, I was expecting a memoir about Bellevue and instead, got a memoir about Julie, a woman with Liz Gilbert’s self-absorption but lacking her charm. Now, in addition to Julie Powell, Julia Scheeres, and Julie Metz, we have Julie Holland to add to our list of exhibitionistic memoirists named Julie.
With that said, I will offer a little disclaimer/apology here in fairness to Julie because for all my snarkiness, I did like the last part where Julie spoke poignantly about the tragedy of mental illness. And some of the anecdotes and personal insights were actually interesting and relevant. But for the most part, the above still stands.
September 18, 2009
I knew from the second sentence that I would rate this book three stars, mainly for the author's unique job and view on the world. The writing is functional and easy to read but far from literary.
The author was the psychiatrist in charge of the psych ER at Belleview, the most notorious mental hospital in NYC, every weekend for nine years. Her job was basically just to assess the patients as they came in and determine if they were a danger to themselves or others. Then she would either send them packing, give them a bed for the night, or admit them for longer term observation and care. She, herself, was not actually responsible for their care and rarely did any followup beyond her initial contact with the patients. Also, she only worked on Saturday and Sunday nights. I can just imagine that if she went to dinner parties and told short little quips about the patients she's met, people would constantly tell her "you just have to write a book about this."
The problem is, the stories she tells about her time there, while perfect for short dinner party banter, are fairly superficial, mainly because she only got a superficial look at people. She didn't know the patients, didn't work with them to resolve their problems, and wasn't responsible for their subsequent care. Only working two days a week, she also didn't really get to know her co-workers, beyond a couple of supervisors, and even those relationships seemed fairly superficial.
The subtitle of the book "Nine Years on the Night Shift at the Psych ER" pretty much sums up the plot, though she could easily have added an additional subtitle "Why I Was so Cold and Annoying for Nine Years." To hold together a bunch of random, superficial stories about people she met in the psych ER, the running theme of the book was a justification to herself and all of the patients, collegues, police, and emergency response workers she'd had contact with over the years for her coldness and bitchiness in the ER.
After a lot of soul-searching and psychotherapy, she comes to the conclusion that (drum roll please) she just cared too deeply about humanity and her father made her do it. Of course.
The author was the psychiatrist in charge of the psych ER at Belleview, the most notorious mental hospital in NYC, every weekend for nine years. Her job was basically just to assess the patients as they came in and determine if they were a danger to themselves or others. Then she would either send them packing, give them a bed for the night, or admit them for longer term observation and care. She, herself, was not actually responsible for their care and rarely did any followup beyond her initial contact with the patients. Also, she only worked on Saturday and Sunday nights. I can just imagine that if she went to dinner parties and told short little quips about the patients she's met, people would constantly tell her "you just have to write a book about this."
The problem is, the stories she tells about her time there, while perfect for short dinner party banter, are fairly superficial, mainly because she only got a superficial look at people. She didn't know the patients, didn't work with them to resolve their problems, and wasn't responsible for their subsequent care. Only working two days a week, she also didn't really get to know her co-workers, beyond a couple of supervisors, and even those relationships seemed fairly superficial.
The subtitle of the book "Nine Years on the Night Shift at the Psych ER" pretty much sums up the plot, though she could easily have added an additional subtitle "Why I Was so Cold and Annoying for Nine Years." To hold together a bunch of random, superficial stories about people she met in the psych ER, the running theme of the book was a justification to herself and all of the patients, collegues, police, and emergency response workers she'd had contact with over the years for her coldness and bitchiness in the ER.
After a lot of soul-searching and psychotherapy, she comes to the conclusion that (drum roll please) she just cared too deeply about humanity and her father made her do it. Of course.
March 2, 2020
Wow. This book is appalling, and I am SO GLAD it was a library read and that Julie Holland will not be profiting from my mistake in reading it. As someone who deals with mental illness in both my professional and private life, I am of the opinion that someone needs to take away Holland's medical license for her blatant abuses of power, bigotry/racism, and downright dangerous practices in which she literally puts the lives of her patients in danger to pump up her own ego.
Other reviews sum up my gripes very well, so I don't need to go into too many details, but some highlights that tipped me off that Holland is an absolute fiend and a borderline criminal are as follows:
- Repeated discussions of how she engaged in sexual conversations and activities with other residents/doctors WHILE ON DUTY in the hospital, and repeated sexual harassment of her male colleagues (which is justified because apparently in her opinion they gave as good as they got)
- When treating a transgender patient and administering a sedative, Holland gleefully announces to the entire emergency room that she is pleased the patient was receptive to the medication as such: "Good thing she didn't fight it, cause that is one enormous she-male!"
- Frequent mentions of "rewarding" or "punishing" patients with sedatives and other medications, even going so far as to threaten to give addicts medications that she (and they) know will cause pain and suffering in order to teach them a lesson. In one instance, she describes dealing with a drug-seeking patient: "If he's a good little boy, maybe he'll get a treat. I may feel charitable and give him one of the sedatives on his wish list." IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT ETHICAL MEDICINE?
Honestly, this dumpster fire of a book should never have been written, but in a weird way I'm glad it was because it exposed Holland as a completely power-tripping, disgusting excuse for a "medical" practitioner. I hope she saw serious fallout from this, but sadly judging from the 4.5 star rating this book somehow got on here, I'm guessing my hopes are misplaced. I wish I could give this zero.
Other reviews sum up my gripes very well, so I don't need to go into too many details, but some highlights that tipped me off that Holland is an absolute fiend and a borderline criminal are as follows:
- Repeated discussions of how she engaged in sexual conversations and activities with other residents/doctors WHILE ON DUTY in the hospital, and repeated sexual harassment of her male colleagues (which is justified because apparently in her opinion they gave as good as they got)
- When treating a transgender patient and administering a sedative, Holland gleefully announces to the entire emergency room that she is pleased the patient was receptive to the medication as such: "Good thing she didn't fight it, cause that is one enormous she-male!"
- Frequent mentions of "rewarding" or "punishing" patients with sedatives and other medications, even going so far as to threaten to give addicts medications that she (and they) know will cause pain and suffering in order to teach them a lesson. In one instance, she describes dealing with a drug-seeking patient: "If he's a good little boy, maybe he'll get a treat. I may feel charitable and give him one of the sedatives on his wish list." IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT ETHICAL MEDICINE?
Honestly, this dumpster fire of a book should never have been written, but in a weird way I'm glad it was because it exposed Holland as a completely power-tripping, disgusting excuse for a "medical" practitioner. I hope she saw serious fallout from this, but sadly judging from the 4.5 star rating this book somehow got on here, I'm guessing my hopes are misplaced. I wish I could give this zero.
November 23, 2009
This is an ultimately disappointing account of the author's years spent as the weekend attending of the Bellevue psych emergency room. In this role she treated the most mentally ill of NYC, including drug addicts and criminals. You'd imagine that the author would have reams of material, but swaths of this book felt forced and irrelevant. It's as if her editor told her that she need more: so write down 20 ideas, now expand each of those into five pages. The author's wedding, relationship with her father, therapist, and country house (which she seems to reference on every second page) all receive more attention than any of the medical cases she encountered. It's tempting to contrast this with a book like Pauline Chen's Final Exam A Surgeon's Reflections on Mortality, in which we see how the experience of practicing medicine and the doctor's own humanity make a better doctor. In this book, we see how a doctor uses her medical experiences to work through her personal history and become, according to her, a better mother. The overall effect is choppy and solipsistic.
April 13, 2013
I picked this up as research because I have a main character who has been involved in the mental health system as a patient, and I was looking for some insight into what he would have been through, and I certainly got it, just not in a good way.
There isn't much at all about the patients in this work, because as the author says, to her they are transitory, peripheral. Since it lacks that connection, it has to hold its own on the weight of a connection with the author. And quite bluntly, she's unlikable. In the beginning, she admits that she considered a career in research, and I find that sad, because I think she would have made a great researcher. However, she choose to work with the mentally ill, in a choice that feels heavily like she has a voyeuristic and controlling interest in them, like test subjects and not patients or people. She makes certain that we know she's all sorts of things, but the only ones that really come through are the undesirable facets of her character.
My bottom line is this: On the worst day of my life, or the lives of my loved ones, would this woman be the doctor I would want to have dealing with the situation? No, absolutely not.
There isn't much at all about the patients in this work, because as the author says, to her they are transitory, peripheral. Since it lacks that connection, it has to hold its own on the weight of a connection with the author. And quite bluntly, she's unlikable. In the beginning, she admits that she considered a career in research, and I find that sad, because I think she would have made a great researcher. However, she choose to work with the mentally ill, in a choice that feels heavily like she has a voyeuristic and controlling interest in them, like test subjects and not patients or people. She makes certain that we know she's all sorts of things, but the only ones that really come through are the undesirable facets of her character.
My bottom line is this: On the worst day of my life, or the lives of my loved ones, would this woman be the doctor I would want to have dealing with the situation? No, absolutely not.
August 10, 2010
Not exactly sure WHY this came up when I searched for this book:
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36...
Mental illness and erotic adventures go hand in hand, no?
---------------------------------------------------------
Ahh, psychosis.
Psychiatrist Julie Holland takes us into the weekends Bellevue for a peek at the madness. While there are plenty of stories about the demented (and simply drunk and disorderly) that come into the hospital, there are plenty of stories about Dr. Holland as well.
It is, after all, her memoir.
She has daddy issues and that makes her not relate well to her patients all the time. It may also be why she slept with a dozen of her co-workers, including a married neurosurgeon. (way to go, slutbag!) Maybe mental illness DOES go hand in hand with getting your freak on. Cool!
I would have liked more psycho, and less Julie.
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36...
Mental illness and erotic adventures go hand in hand, no?
---------------------------------------------------------
Ahh, psychosis.
Psychiatrist Julie Holland takes us into the weekends Bellevue for a peek at the madness. While there are plenty of stories about the demented (and simply drunk and disorderly) that come into the hospital, there are plenty of stories about Dr. Holland as well.
It is, after all, her memoir.
She has daddy issues and that makes her not relate well to her patients all the time. It may also be why she slept with a dozen of her co-workers, including a married neurosurgeon. (way to go, slutbag!) Maybe mental illness DOES go hand in hand with getting your freak on. Cool!
I would have liked more psycho, and less Julie.
April 16, 2025
Weekends at Bellevue: Nine Years on the Night Shift at the Psych E.R. is insightful, heartbreaking, and darkly funny—a fascinating account of Dr. Holland’s experiences working psychiatric care at Bellevue. The book carries a disconcerting tone, blending the intensity of a wartime journal with the introspection of a memoir, making for an occasionally unsettling but deeply engrossing read.
There’s humor here, along with questionable actions that may give some readers pause or even spark anger. However, much like narratives about the realities of war, the book illustrates how individuals—when surrounded by overwhelming chaos—sometimes make light of grim circumstances as a coping mechanism, not out of cruelty, but out of sheer necessity.
A great read, particularly for those considering careers in medicine or psychiatric care.
There’s humor here, along with questionable actions that may give some readers pause or even spark anger. However, much like narratives about the realities of war, the book illustrates how individuals—when surrounded by overwhelming chaos—sometimes make light of grim circumstances as a coping mechanism, not out of cruelty, but out of sheer necessity.
A great read, particularly for those considering careers in medicine or psychiatric care.
March 29, 2019
I almost can’t believe the author wrote this book. I almost can’t believe she still has willing patients. I bookmarked at least twenty quotes to put in my review, but after looking at all of them it feels too mean. It feels like vilifying the person instead of the book. I think the author has mental issues herself. She comes across as a psychiatrist not focusing on patients but on how they make her feel. She is sexualized, condescending, and at times just callous. I know this is far from popular opinion and I can’t decide if that’s good or bad.
June 16, 2021
Well...
It's okay. As someone who has worked as a psych tech, maybe I can't objectively review a book like this. As a Midwesterner, maybe the behavior of New Yorkers will always leave me flat. I found myself alternately liking the author and pondering whether she has a personality disorder. I found some of her actions at work to be abhorrent, but that could probably be said of any of us who have worked in that environment.
It's okay. As someone who has worked as a psych tech, maybe I can't objectively review a book like this. As a Midwesterner, maybe the behavior of New Yorkers will always leave me flat. I found myself alternately liking the author and pondering whether she has a personality disorder. I found some of her actions at work to be abhorrent, but that could probably be said of any of us who have worked in that environment.
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