This is the kind of review that I need to preface with a cliché: It's not you, it's me.
Part of the reason I just couldn't get into this novel -- well, novella -- is that it's the kind of children's book that you only can enjoy sincerely when you're in the intended age group. The kind of children's book that, when you're 31, seems very amateurish and a bit embarrassing.
Like the worst Goosebumps books, it feels like it was written by a 12-year-old. A talented 12-year-old, but still clearly a child.
Let's begin at the beginning. The opening lines are awkward: "My name is Nancy Drew. My friends tell me I'm always looking for trouble, but that's not really true. It just seems to have a way of finding me." The phrasing in itself is awkward. It's like the ghost writer was told to make Nancy appear to be a great detective from page one, and couldn't think of an elegant way of phrasing it.
Another issue with the beginning is this:
Right away the narration makes sure to emphasize the incredible amount of adventure Nancy finds herself in, and characters keep mentioning what a keen sleuth Nancy is. The problem is, this is the first part of a reboot. In this new continuity, we've never seen Nancy solve any kind of mystery, so it's just bad storytelling to keep holding her up as a great detective and never, ever mention (or even vaguely allude to) any specific earlier cases she solved.
I realize that this might not bother other readers as much, because to most people it goes without saying that Nancy Drew is a great detective.
But this is a reboot, and a reboot needs to be able to stand on its own legs, so to speak. So imagine that the earlier Nancy Drew books never existed. Treat this book as the part 1 it's meant to be. If you do, you're soon going to find it very weird how the characters keeps hyping Nancy as a great detective, but never ever mention any specific examples of her previous cases.
The original series handled that issue much better. The first Nancy Drew novel ever had her solve her first mystery, and provided a neat little origin story. Flawed though it was, it was a good read. Sure, the plot was a little hokey--Nancy had to save a pair of nice old women trying to raise an orphan--but at least there were serious stakes.
And that's another issue with the plot here--nothing's really at stake. Nancy's new neighbor's Fabergé egg is stolen, but she can survive without it. The other mystery is why a friend of Nancy's finds his zucchini squashed all the time. Again, not really a life-or-death matter. There's never any real sense of danger, except for a short part where Nancy trips and falls and her friends speculate that it might be somebody trying to get at her.
In short, it's a cozy mystery that goes too far in the "cozy" direction. Nobody's really evil, or even mean. No danger is present, and it feels like this was made mostly to be the basis of a Nickelodeon TV show or something similar. Because that's my issue with the characterization--people feel like characters from 90's live action Nickelodeon shows, as opposed to actual people. Way too cartoonish. One character, Harold Safer, is a musical lover. And when the subject of the squashed zucchini comes up, he mentions that they were so big that they could be used for a remake of Little Shop of Horrors. He's the musical-lover, so he needs to have references to musicals in his dialogue even when that's not the subject.
It's all just so awkward.
Give this one a miss.