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The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation
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The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation

3.93  ·  Rating details ·  1,604 ratings  ·  156 reviews
In "Codependent No More, " Melody Beattie introduced the world to the term "codependency." Now a modern classic, this book established Beattie as a pioneer in self-help literature and endeared her to millions of readers who longed for healthier relationships. Twenty-five years later concepts such as self-care and setting boundaries have become entrenched in mainstream cult ...more
Hardcover, 288 pages
Published December 1st 2008 by Simon & Schuster (first published 2008)
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Jayden Duvall Yes you should definitely read "Codependency, No More first!! But that is my personal no, you can read either one first, it just depends on you! Readi…moreYes you should definitely read "Codependency, No More first!! But that is my personal no, you can read either one first, it just depends on you! Reading "The New Codependency" first isn't going to ruin anything about the 1st book!! I would personally 📑 start with "Codependency No More" first though! ENJOY!! 🔰 📖(less)

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Feb 26, 2011 rated it liked it
Good information on codependency, but sadly interspersed with so much god-talk I could barely read it. You have a problem? Just pray, depend on god, etc. Useful quizzes in the last half of the book, though.
Aug 14, 2012 rated it really liked it
Love her original book Codependent No More. Answered a lot of my questions about my dysfuntional family. Thought there would not be too much more to learn from a second edition, but I was wrong. The first book introduced the topic, this book talks more in depth and am finding the major points very useful - boundaries, control issues, etc.
I found the end of this book has most highly valuable advice.
Really appreciated the way she told her truth about how she handled tragic events.
Great read.
I liked this better than the original. tests and scoring confirmed I'm not, and don't have a history of co dependency... which sadly had been thrown around like an insult and form of manipulation by someone who didn't want to face reality. I think there is just a lot of common sense and promoting healthy coping skills throughout the book. I'd recommend to anyone dealing with unhealthy coping or working through hard situations, drama, and trauma. it will either reassure you that you are healthy a ...more
Apr 26, 2020 rated it it was ok
I read this book out of curiosity not out of need. This book did not apply to my life, but I appreciate that other people may need to hear what she has to say.

My only advice would be to take this book with a grain of salt. It seems like she is writing this for a cathartic release. She brings up her own struggles and opinions an awful lot for this to be an unbiased self help book.

I would tread especially lightly with her advice that medical professionals only prescribe antidepressants as a way
Rachel Van Amburgh
Dec 29, 2020 rated it it was ok
More like 2.5 stars. God I never thought this would end. I did take away some valuable nugs of wisdom from this, but there was so much Boomer crap that fixated on pulling yourself up by your bootstraps because Millennials are too soft and entitled, and she spent pages railing against taking psych meds because it “dulls” too much of our reality and we need to “really” feel pain? And shitting on talk therapy because it’s “just too much talking.” Have a feeling you don’t like? Just buck the fuck up ...more
Jul 02, 2019 rated it it was ok
Shelves: unfinished
I thought this would be good at first. Then it began to connect well being to religiosity and wouldn't let go. It also veered off into law of attraction type stuff. I also didn't realize the author is a huge proponent of the 12 step system which might actually promote dependency instead of independence in many cases. ...more
Jan 29, 2012 rated it liked it
Overall it was good and helpful. I have some of the same problems with it that I have with AA, being that I'm agnostic all the God stuff makes no sense to me. Did help me realize some of the areas of my life I need to work on (especially when it comes to relationships), also will be good to refer back to in 6 months or so and see if I do 'better' on the tests.
Jan 03, 2014 rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
Although I don't believe in a higher power, so some passages of this book seemed preachy to me, it was very helpful in making me face up to my codependant behaviours.

This past year I have experienced anger for the first time. It frightened me and led me to deny it existed, as I convinced myself being angry was a shameful emotion. I see now that it is not so. I must give myself permission to feel it and let it go. It stemmed from an unhealthy, codependant place but it need not change my outlook.

Mar 15, 2014 rated it it was ok
Shelves: non-fiction, kindle
This book was recommended by a friend because she was reading it and it was helping her. It's a good reminder of some good habits and skills to keep up, however most of it doesn't apply to me because it's stuff that I've been doing or I've been doing beyond what she recommends. She has quizzes in the book which are interesting but limited.

In her book she focuses a great deal on twelve step programs and God. This makes her book very limited. These are two areas I don't follow nor would I. It mak
Sep 09, 2009 rated it really liked it
I don't identify myself as codependent, but I do love a good psychology-related book. Regardless of where you lie on the codependent continuum, I would venture that most of us have exhibited some codependent behaviors/thoughts at some point in time.

Regardless, this is a very encouraging book and while some parts may be a bit depressing, Beattie continually redirects the reader to positive action they can take. Lots of great quotes, but since I listened to the audiobook, I wasn't able to get mos
Jan 06, 2018 rated it it was ok
Most of the wise advice Beattie attempts to share here is all but hidden under her obvious disgust and disdain for codependents-- the very people she's attempting to help. ...more
Jordan Regan
Sep 10, 2019 rated it really liked it
Melody Beattie is her own unique individual, with her own worldview. She has great thoughts on universal things in this life, and she also has her own take on recovery and growth, which for her, uses quite a bit of faith and spirituality. For those who are not so inclined, I could see you being allergic to large swathes of this book. However, if you are able to either stomach it due to acceptance of a wide range of belief systems OR if you're able to replace God with "the universe" or "the way t ...more
Aug 19, 2020 rated it it was amazing
On a scale of cotton candy to Brussels sprouts, The New Codependency by Melody Beattie is a gummy vitamin. Reminiscent of a childhood snack, each daily dose offers the perspective and nutrients you didn't know you needed.

Each chapter offers story examples, plus questions to stir your own exploration of the codependency patterns that may exist in your life. The honest and up-front approach makes the topic less scary, humanizing and normalizing a word that is gaining a number of negative associati
Jun 17, 2018 rated it liked it
This book came about by a recommendation of my counselor. I found it a bit difficult to follow the train of thought at times, but ultimately lots of great ideas on building independence and freedom from codependency.
May 23, 2020 rated it really liked it
Great book! But, someone please tell her not to say rule of thumb.
Overall, this book was good, especially the first half. While it is directed more towards codependent people rather than those who have to deal with them, it is incredibly informative. It goes into lengthy detail about the ways that caring is often a form of control and how people who suffer from these disorders need to 'mind meld' with their partners, expecting their partners to fulfill all their deficiencies and soothe all their insecurities. The author also gives a lot of examples from her ow ...more
Michael Thomas
Jul 22, 2018 rated it really liked it
This book was pretty helpful. It contextualized my issues with codependency. It is great at explaining what is/isn't codependency and setting boundaries. Explaining how codependency isn't strictly about giving or receiving, but about the motivations behind that giving/receiving is a real strength of this book. However, I was disappointed in some aspects of this book. Some of the tips and tricks given in this book border on mysticism. "God will reveal it to you" I'm paraphrasing Beattie here, but ...more
Rachel Olivier
Jun 24, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Good, straightforward common sense. 6/28/12 - Currently rereading it. It's a good redo of Codependent No More. There are good how-tos in this book. That being said, be a critical reader. Don't just accept what she writes as "gospel" because we all have different experiences. But I find when I reread this book I am reminded of how to be a better, healthier me, and that's a good thing. ...more
Jen Rives Therapy & Counseling
This is a classic and a great place to start when learning about codependency.
Sep 05, 2011 rated it liked it
A helpful read for pastoral care continuing education as I delve into the waters of understanding addiction.
Julia Walker
May 07, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Ah, the reality of being an Adult child of an alcoholic. Excellent book, continually working on being the best I can be.
Oct 31, 2015 rated it liked it
DNF.. Gets a bit repeatitive but the core idea is solid.
Katie Crommett
Oct 16, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Yup, going to keep this on my nightstand. Very good
Lanre Dahunsi
Oct 28, 2021 rated it really liked it
What Codependency Is and Isn’t

Recovery isn’t about pointing fingers; it’s about taking responsibility for ourselves.

What people think codependency is

Some people call codependency a sign of the Me generation, another excuse for selfish people to continue putting them- selves first. Some people believe (incorrectly) that recovering from codependency means they have to get a divorce. Or they’re afraid that codependency recovery behaviors will conflict with their religious beliefs. Others think deta
Joel Hacker
Another book required for a counseling course, this time from the substance abuse and addiction department.
This gets an especially poor rating not because its not readable or poorly put together/organized. Rather it is because I find the vast majority of the book, from a professional perspective, rather questionable. The book reads like a self-help book rather than any sort of serious scientific study of the issues. I suppose it may have been intended as a self-help book, but it presents itself
Feb 17, 2021 rated it really liked it
If you’re someone who struggles with codependency or thinks that they may, you have to read this book. @melodybeattie has done so much to understand her own unhealthy relationship with herself and with others and has used her knowledge to write multiple books on what codependency looks like, how we get this way, and how we grow from it. Each chapter ends with an activity, such as meditation, gratitude practice, forgiving yourself and others, etc. I haven’t yet done these, but I plan to keep this ...more
Oct 28, 2021 rated it liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
I received The New Codependency four years ago when I ordered Codependent No More, which changed my life. I wouldn't recommend reading The New Codependency without having read Codependent No More, as the author references it many times. I don't really feel this is a stand alone self-help book. While I did pick up some good tips, it was mostly a continuation of Codependent No More, and a kind of memoir of the author's life. I also felt that there was a lot of personal bias in this book, for examp ...more
Ali Diaz-Tello
Jan 28, 2020 rated it really liked it
This book has some really great advice and observations and was really illuminating. I definitely felt called out at times! Perhaps I'm projecting but I kind of believe that almost everyone is codependent in some area of their life, whether its in their romantic relationship or the role they play in their family or with friends. This is solid advice on moving out of the victim mindset that I think everyone needs to hear.

That said, areas for improvement would be that I could see religious talk be
What a frustrating book!
On one hand, it has really useful advice about feelings, grief, and the need to let go. Some comments about the need for control and the section about guilt were generative. On the other, the constant talk about God (having faith that our lives are in the hands of a higher power, etc) was very off-putting and unhelpful. For people who don’t adhere to any particular belief system, the advice to “give it up to God” can simply remind them of existential crises.

There were al
Jul 15, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Excellent resource for breaking down my lifelong issues that caused me to stay in an emotionally toxic relationship for as long as I did. I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking to enter a new relationship or to change the patterns of an existing relationship of abuser/abused to one of mutual respect and affection.

“Dependent people often jump into relationships too soon. They aren’t selective enough. Usually their needs don’t get met, but they stay anyway, thinking it’s better than being
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Over the years, Melody Beattie has become well-known in the world of self-help literature. After turning away from a life of addiction and suffering, Melody shared her own story in order to help others change theirs. Her overnight sensation, Codependent No More, has been influencing millions for over twenty years. Her passion for writing has resulted in fifteen books, including: Co-Dependents Anon ...more

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Sophie Gonzales, author of Perfect on Paper, and Cale Dietrich, author of The Friend Scheme, team up for a queer boy-band romance full of...
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“It’s not my place to tell him to stop drinking,” Shelly said. “But being with him or talking to him when he’s drunk is my business.” That’s the difference between boundaries and controlling. We can’t make a person stop drinking. But we can refuse to talk to or date that person. Boundaries concern our behavior—what we will or won’t do. It’s not a boundary if we can’t enforce it. Be clear. If people have room to misinterpret, they will. People hear what they want to and what causes the least pain. We won’t be clear with others if we’re not clear with ourselves. Sometimes we don’t like their behavior, but we don’t want to lose the relationship, so our boundaries are murky.” 4 likes
“Codependency is about normal behaviors taken too far. It’s about crossing lines.” 3 likes
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