The Gift Of ADHD: How To Transform Your Child's Problems Into Strengths

by Lara Honos-Webb

Reviews new ADHD research and explains how parents can treat the disorder as a gift rather than a hindrance, including channeling ADHD-related traits into productive outlets and coping exercises for children and parents.

Genres: Adhd, Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Education, Self Help, Counselling

199 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2005

About the author

Lara Honos-Webb, Ph.D., is the author most recently of The Gift of ADHD Activity Book: 101 Ways to Turn Your Child's Problems into Strengths. She is a licensed clinical psychologist, author of four books, and is considered one of the world's leading authorities on attention deficit disorder (ADD) and depression. "

Reviews

[Sarah Oksiuta · Rating 2 out of 5]

I know some of my friends were waiting to hear my opinion on this book. Really there were some good moments; things that reminded me that above all else, loving my son unconditionally is the most important thing, and being sure he knows it. But I had to take a break from this book -- like a few months break -- before I could finish it because of how anti-teacher and anti-medication it is. Honestly, she made teachers sound like bumbling idiots who run around screaming that every disruptive child has ADHD. This lady must have had a run in or two with a couple of lemons for teachers. Way to go with the generalizing, chick. Then she tries to make it sound more legit by supposedly softening the blow, saying things like teachers have so much on their plates and so many students to manage that it's no wonder we look for help in any way we can get it, even with a "poor teachers!" vibe. Like she's on our side. As a parent of ADHD and a teacher who gets them all BEFORE they're medicated, LADY YOU HAVE NO CLUE what my perception is! And she LITERALLY suggested talking to the priest of your church and asking him to make the service more active or interactive or something like that if your ADHD child has a hard time behaving in church. Wiggedy-WHAT?! That was the moment when I finally unleashed the wild laughter that had been building up since the early pages of the book. Oh yeah AND she generalized that all kids with ADHD have extra sensory perception for other people's emotions AND a special connection with nature. Yep, all of them. They're all destined to be hippies. Maybe that's why she doesn't want them on meds because she's afraid it will lead to lots of pot heads or too much free love or a revival of black light posters.

I was so hopeful because I really do see my son as being gifted and I can see where his brain -- that certainly works differently from the average child's -- is UNIQUE and different and just WONDERFUL in ways that don't even make sense to me because I can't relate. I was hoping this book would be a look into the ADHD brain, give some case studies, give some real-life examples of how this "disability" is a talent in disguise, because I believe that for many kids it really is. That's not what I got out of this book, though. Actually, I think when I started reading in back in the fall there might have been some stuff along those lines but I guess that's just not what stuck with me if there was. It couldn't have been much and it was certainly overshadowed by the crazy talk.

[Matt Engler · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wasn’t a fan of this book. The author implied that parents who decide to use medication appease medical professionals and educators. They do so believing that medication will fix the problem and nothing else needs to be done. Most parents that I work with take the approach that medication can be used alongside other interventions. A few of the recommendations in the book were useful but too many centered around euphemisms or impractical ideas e.g. try to motivate your child by using chores as a reward.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

I greatly appreciate the "reframing" of ADHD symptoms in a positive light. It's very easy to get hung up on the term "disorder" or the fact that it's a diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (how scary does that sound?!) or all the negative feedback from teachers telling you everything your child isn't good at. It's easy to lose sight of the fact that your child is a unique, fabulous person all his own and that just because he doesn't happen to fit the mold that society (in its infinite wisdom - HA!) has declared is appropriate for early childhood education, that isn't necessarily a "deficit."

Creativity, ecological consciousness, interpersonal intuition, exuberance, and emotional expressiveness are valuable qualities that are not always encouraged by the conveyor belt-like educational system, because they take a bit more effort to accommodate or train or reign in. I understand and sympathize with the frustrations of teachers and staff. It's just not possible to tailor-make an education for each individual child in a class of 25.

Dr. Honos-Webb may not appreciate it as she seems strongly in favor of advocating for change within the system, but seeing the emotional trauma my child was experiencing I pulled him out of the public school system. He is less stressed, happier, more enthusiastic about learning, and more himself now that we homeschool, and it's provided the opportunities to reconnect with my child that Dr. Honos-Webb emphasizes. I would have liked to see her address that option as well. Dr. Honos-Webb talks about being your child's advocate, not apologist. While I believe that's vital in framing the discussion with teachers and others, sometimes even advocating isn't enough to make the changes needed for your child's health and well-being.

But even with all that, I think parents need to be careful to make sure that they are teaching their child appropriate social behaviors and not just making excuses. Many of the exercises in the book look like they'd be helpful for this.

With three grown siblings with ADHD, I've had quite a few discussions with them about how their brains work. Two of the three avoid medication, one because he feels it dulls his creativity as a writer and one because of negative reactions from others. The third uses medication as a tool to help her focus on specific tasks when needed. Medication can be a useful tool, along with behavioral therapy and a close, warm, understanding connection with parents, in helping kids with ADHD function productively in society.

For more book reviews, come visit my blog, Build Enough Bookshelves.

[Regina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book transformed me as a parent! It was my daughter's first introduction to ADHD. She saw the book sitting out and asked me what ADHD was. I said, well, its a personality type. Most famous people have that personality type and I explained that a bit. People with ADHD are very creative. Their minds are always going on super-fast speed, they have tons of energy and don't usually need naps like other people. In fact lots of those kind of people can't fall asleep easily at night either. They have lots of questions and are very curious. They are incredibly creative. They focus so much on their ideas sometimes that they don't pay attention to what is going on around them or people talking to them and it makes people mad at them. They have lots of ideas on how to make things fun and interesting and often get bored at school because there isn't enough chance to use their ideas. They are extrememly observant and notice things that no one else would. Almost all people with ADHD love watching nature, it is so much more interesting than being indoors. Because they observe it more closely, they appreciate it more and want to protect the environment in anyway they can. They are sensitive in lots of ways. They get their feelings hurt very easily and are always getting into fights with people that they think are being rude to them. My daughter lit up. Wow! She said, that sounds exactly like me!

Isn't that beautiful! She lit up, she smiled, she felt complimented. I had essentially praised her strengths and told her that I believed they were the seeds of success, I had showed understanding for the things that frustrate her and challenge her. My daughter felt so understood and valued. I had so many "aha!" moments as I read. I now understand her motiviations for so many things that have always baffled me. Our relationship has really improved because I respect her more and she has responded to that in a major way.

update July 2013
A friend recently alerted me to something called SPD-gifted. (Sensory Processing Disorder-gifted). This is an even better profile of what is going on with my daughter, she could be the poster child for it. If you've got a gifted and talented child with ADHD, I'd read about SPD. I asked my pediatrician about SPD two years ago and he said they didn't diagnose it because they couldn't treat it. I now realize what he meant is that there are no drugs for it, I've read tons of great things you can do for SPD.

[Stephanie Salyer · Rating 2 out of 5]

It gave some good ideas but it had a negative tone about doctors and teachers. I didn't appreciate the generalizations. I did appreciate her view on how hard it is for parents with kids who exhaust them. My little one is too young for more than half of her suggestions so I really should reread it in like 5 yrs. I did appreciate strategies in every chapter... Real life tricks to try to make life better for everyone.

[Lori Bolton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finally finished this book. I myself get distracted easily. This book has a lot of good suggestions for things you can do to try work with your child along the way of their journey with ADHD.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really helpful perspective with some good exercises to try.

[Jim D'Ambrosia · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF. The book denies any physiological basis to ADHD, and also denies that ADHD is any kind of disorder at all. I'm all in favor of recognizing the special strengths in all of us, but I can't go as far as to ignore the challenges. I would love there to be some cosmic force that evenly compensates all my illnesses and wishes with superpowers, but it doesn't work that way.

Anti-medication and anti-teacher, and pro-wishful thinking. Some weird stuff such as ADHD people having a special connection with nature.

I can't speak to the practical aspects of the book, since I didn't make it that far.

I thought this was a good summary of the pros and cons of seeing ADHD as a gift. It was written with this book in mind.
https://www.littlemisslionheart.com/t...

[Lori · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this book for some clue on how to rear my ADHD daughter. I really like the BT modification excercises and have been trying them at home with some success. This book has altered my parental paradigm; realizing that all children do not need to fit into a standard mold. I have enjoyed discovering the blessings and gifts which an ADHD child can bring.

[Erika · Rating 1 out of 5]

Villainizing medication only prevents people who benefit from it from getting help. I only made it a few pages into the book before I had to walk away. This author seems to be the type of person who would tell a suicidal person that the only help they need to feel better is running shoes and the outdoors. I feel genuinely sorry for anyone with ADHD who has to deal with her.

[Daring Pursuits ADHD Coaching and Support · Rating 2 out of 5]

Let's start with the positives: 1) the emphasis on working with your kid to develop skills is amazing. I love a book that encourages connection between children and parents. 2) For the most part, this book seems to encourage meeting your child where he/she is at and not trying to force them into NT expectations. 3)It encourages Social-Emotional Learning for children. Helping children and teens recognize the triggers and motivations for their behaviors is a huge part of the process in helping children become more self-aware.

While this book may have some really helpful information, I struggled to get through some of the informational parts, due to the negative bias the author seems to have for medications. The author perpetuates negative generalizations without referencing her information "While many parents are aware of the growing concerns about side effects..." This insinuates that as an authority, she giving some weight to these "concerns," without ever being more specific. This leaves it open for people to use this phrase to validate their own beliefs about the concerns tied to medication, regardless of their validity or source. Had she given some footnote or reference for the "growing concerns," we could at least look at the validity of those concerns. She acknowledges that medication can be helpful, but all of it reads as a way to cover all bases, rather than a true belief in medication as a possible treatment option.

When the book suggested that parents learn coaching skill, I got so excited assuming she was referring to ADHD coaching. Parents learning to ask questions instead of assuming they know exactly why their child did something and reacting accordingly can be so beneficial...but no, she meant like a sports coach. She encouraged parents to embrace the mindset of a coach, being more patient, focusing on the positive, and relying on practice to help children improve. This book came out in 2007, so perhaps she didn't know that ADHD coaching existed. By the end of the next section, she almost gets there talking about how understanding your child's motivation and avoiding punishment is the goal. Unfortunately, she doesn't provide any further guidance to understanding their motivation or behavior.

I'm really glad she covers reward and punishment with our more recent understanding of their long-term efficacy, I just wish she had also discussed the fact that with impulsive behavior, punishment creates even more problems instead of solutions. Children being punished for impulsive behavior not only unfairly punishes them for something they may not have full control over, due to delayed development of executive functions, but also fails to teach the skills necessary to eventually recognize impulses and utilize various methods to address them. This doesn't mean kids cannot be held accountable (natural and direct consequences), but it does mean that arbitrary punishments fail to address their lack of development in impulse control and are unlikely to stop the behavior entirely.

Her suggested activities are often corny and juvenile. I attempted to get my upper-elementary-aged child to do some of them with me and they were hit or miss, regarding his willingness to participate. The middle schoolers were mostly a no-go. While I recognize that this book isn't particularly focused on teens, a good number of the activities seemed aimed at very young children (including one that references Bob the Builder). This book may have way more success with younger children.

[Sarah Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved how this book addressed the very real and hard realities of ADHD, while putting out a positive outlook and reframing it. It was helpful to me to see things differently, as well as have get ideas from the recommended exercises, etc. i don’t agree with all of it, but on a practical day-to-day we-have-to-live-with-this level, it was extremely insightful and useful. Borrowed this from the library, but will likely purchase a copy for reference.

[Yasoon · Rating 2 out of 5]

۲.۵ می‌دم بهش.
زیادی مثبت‌نگرانه بود و مجموعا روش‌های متوسطی رو پیشنهاد کرد برای مواجهه با فرزند ADHD. توصیه‌ها بیشتر به ‌درد این می‌خوره که والد بفهمه چطور می‌تونه طرز کارکردن مغز بچه رو بفهخه و بتونه با Damage Control، با شیب ملایمی به بچه بفهمونه که چرا متفاوته ‌و چطور می‌تونه از این تفاوتش بهره‌ی بیشتری ببره به جای ضرر و سرخوردگی.

[Ashley · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the games and activities for children and parents to do together. I have already seen improvements with my child. As an educator, the expectations the author gives teachers are unrealistic and won't be able to happen in our current education system. Don't expect your teachers to cater to you like the author seems to think they can.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

A few good insights and suggestions scattered throughout a book that was mostly a slog. My two star opinion was really sealed when the author couldn't even give a mention to homeschooling as a viable option for educating a child with ADHD.

[Amanda LOOPER · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I appreciated the reframing of ADHD as a gift and tips on how to encourage the child, I found this book repetitive. At times I genuinely wondered if it written by A.I. Some of the suggestions seemed a bit silly - give your child a sticker for each day they "try hard"?

[LeeAnn Ellis Wisdom · Rating 4 out of 5]

An excellent alternative view of ADHD. Essential read for anyone who has or works with children with ADHD.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

No I do not have kids. But I read this book because I wanted to know if I showed any symptoms as a child. I found extremely informative.

[Meredith · Rating 2 out of 5]

Too anti medication.

[Gracie Hopkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book because it gave me a different perspective on my students with ADHD as well as my long time boyfriend who also lives with ADHD. Even if the child is 8 years old or 24 years old this book will teach you how to reframe your mindset about this "disorder" and give you specific skills and language to empower your child to feel in control of their own actions. I definitely will read it again throughout my educational career. More teachers should read this book.

[Camilla Tilly · Rating 2 out of 5]

I do not know why the psychologist that diagnosed my son with ADHD recommended this book to me as the one and only book I should read on the topic. This book is so clearly geared to an American audience that I do not know why it has been translated to Swedish or is recommended by a Swedish psychologist. There is basically nothing I can use from it in our daily life. Everything it talks of is the American school system, rewards and items that exist on that continent, describing their life style and so on.
Example: Cut out pictures from magazines of surfers and surfboards to teach your child how to surf on his emotions. Excuse me but are all ADHD sufferers in her mind people from California USA? My child is 6 years old and does not even know what surfing is so how can I encourage him to imagine himself surfing when he is throwing a tantrum and our magazines certainly do not have pictures of such things since that is not a sport we are able to do in our waters.
Other complaints I have about the book is that were are the pre-school children in this book? And why does it feel that this book is for single mothers only? She gives no information on what to do with siblings of the child. How to teach them to not tear their sibling down when I try to change his behaviour and build something up. She mentions nothing of siblings' frustration with their ADHD diagnosed sibling.
This book seems to assume that you are a single mother with one child who has been diagnosed with ADHD, that the child is about 12 years old and that everything is just a mess in school, all teachers negative. There is nothing about pre-school children and how to prevent problems arising in school or in for the school start. What one can do to prepare the child and future teachers.
I do not know what sort of purpose this book has because the exercises are just non-sense and what you really need is a hands-on class where you learn the techniques from a teacher and other parents. This book just makes you confused and depressed. It feels like standing in front of mountain and you do not know how to start climbing it to get over.

[Don · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing. I can't speak highly enough about how it transformed me as a parent and the way that I understand and deal with my son. I recommend that every parent of a high energy child read this, whether they've been labeled as ADHD or not.

There were two main strategies in the book:

1. Connecting with your child emotionally will better help him/her deal with impulses and acting out defiantly. Listen to them and validate their feelings. View them as gifted and different rather than having a disorder. They do have talents and gifts that "normal" kids don't have. She goes into what these specific gifts are in the book.

2. Meet his/her needs for activity and hands on learning. This is how high energy kids learn, by being immersed in their environment and exploring. Be their advocate and try to gain the cooperation of schools by making learning more interactive instead of just regurgitating abstract facts back to the teacher.

It took me 2 weeks to read this book and already we're seeing great improvement in our son, just from the way my wife and I deal with him differently. Just learning about his unique needs and talents really made me appreciate what an awesome son I have. That in itself would have been reason enough to read it.

Great book, so glad I read it, I think anyone would be better off for reading it as well. Thanks to the author for taking a stand to advocate for kids labeled as ADHD.

[Stacy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Blech. I wish I would have seen the subtitle before requesting this at the library. The cover says, "How to Transform Your Child's Problems into Strengths" and I was puzzled. What type of book takes your child's disorder, points out every negativity associated with it and then turns around and tells you to forget it's a problem and treat it like a gift? This one.

Reading this book made me uncomfortable. It is so...forced? Unnatural? Judgmental? If you've ever spent time with a therapist (which, if you are reading a book about raising a child with ADHD, you likely have) you may know that feeling you get when this person starts talking in this measured, neutral tone and spouts all sorts of feel good messages filled with current catchphrases like "engaging the child" or "supporting a transformation" and you consider that this person probably doesn't know any children outside of the office and has no actual life experience in parenting a child like yours. That's how this book felt to me. In fact, I checked the acknowledgements and realized that this book was inspired by her mother's approach to raising an ADHD son.

There are so many great books on parenting ADHD kids - don't stop to read this one.

[Abigail · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to read this book alongside "Teaching the Restless." While the Restless book espouses the idea of not even labeling kids "ADHD" (as well as not drugging them), so far this book seems to use the label, but transforms its meaning. Kids who are labeled ADHD are typically described as being inattentive, compulsive, disruptive, fidgety. But the book says that really these kids are misunderstood, and a better list of their attributes includes: intuitive, perceptive, creative, and emotionally expressive, as well as often times a great leader. It's just a matter of harnessing these qualities.

I didn't finish the book because it was due back at the library. The remaining chapters elaborated on the attributes of ADHD, and gave very practical and specific exercises for a parent/caretaker to practice with their ADHD child. Usually books are too theoretical and not practical enough. Well, this book was so practical that it wasn't really useful to me because I don't have an ADHD child!

A good read. Maybe I'll finish reading it at Barnes & Noble.

[Angie D · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book for parents of/caregivers of/teachers/anyone who cares about a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. The author brings up a lot of ways that ADHD can be seen in a positive light.

For example, I know from personal experience that children with ADHD are very creative and insightful. The Gift of ADHD reinforces this view. My own 8 year old with ADHD has a very unique perspective on the world.

There is no doubt that a diagnosis of ADHD can strike terror into the heart of many involved in the life of the affected child. This book offers a different point of view and suggests many valuable activities for directing and getting to know such special and unique children.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked that this book rephrases all the negatives about ADHD into positive traits that are often misunderstood and overlooked. This is a terrific resource for parents, teachers, and anyone else who needs to deal with a person who has been labeled as "hyperactive" or attention-deficit.

I highly recommend it. Also, I liked all the exercises that it has for parent and child to do together. I think they would be effective.

Most of all, I liked that the book stressed that the most important thing is the connection between parent and child and that the parent should be the child's advocate, not apologist.

[Becky · Rating 3 out of 5]

To be honest, I had a hard time getting through this book because of the format. The first part of the book gives her overall "take" on how to treat kids with ADHD diagnoses. Then she continues the book with exercises that a parent should practice with their child. My son is too old for any of these exercise to apply, so I had to skim through a lot of it.

I liked her approach to ADHD as a gift and something we may not need to medicate for. However, I do feel like she glazed over the struggle that the kids are feeling when they can't focus or control their impulses.

But, otherwise, quick/easy read. Would recommend to parents of kids with ADHD between ages of 4 to 9.

[Teresa Raetz · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author's intent is to help parents reframe an ADHD diagnosis as less of a depressing negative, enabling them to see some of the unique traits that come along with ADHD. This will help kids understand their differences and not view them as much as disability. She doesn't always succeed and seems to encourage parents to blame a teacher or school for not "getting" their kids. That is certainly true a good bit of the time but ADHD kids can be disruptive, too. I think it's worth reading to help parents to view their kids in more positive ways.

[Becky · Rating 3 out of 5]

I "read" this book rather quickly. Basically it suggests to parents (or teachers) to look at ADHD as a gift and capitalize on its positive side. Some concrete suggestions for parents who are willing to be diligent in their follow through. Some ideas to file in my brain as a teacher. Many of the exercises are geared to younger children and tend to be rather idealistic. Nonetheless, working with real humans is not a one-size-fits-all solution.

[Alixandra Lopez · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is highly insightful and has provided me with a better understanding of my child’s needs. While there are many takeaways, I would have appreciated more exercises that were more suitable for younger children. Most of the exercises are far too advanced for my 6 year old to comprehend. I did order one of the books that the author recommended and look forward to reading that next. Overall, I would recommend.