Stand Before Your God

by paul-watkins

Some foxing to tanned page edges. Shipped from the U.K. All orders received before 3pm sent that weekday.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, School, Boarding School, Biography, Biography Memoir, Education

Paperback

First published January 1, 1994

Reviews

[Cecily · Rating 3 out of 5]

Memoirs of coming from the US, to Oxford, via the famous Dragon prep school and then Eton.

It is written from the view of a young, abandoned child: the sights, smells and traditions of school life. Some parts were very evocative of the time and place and I saw parallels with when I was at boarding school in Oxford at exactly the same time (although unlike Watkins, I didn't feel abandoned, and enjoyed it).

Other incidents seem much less plausible; I wondered if they were taken from films and comic strips! For example, I remember various hand-warmers being in vogue (no proper heating in boarding schools then!), but an over-charged one setting the wearer's trousers on fire stretched my credulity, as did the cliched filling of a whole dorm with feathers from pillow fights (it's actually very difficult to achieve). Other points were just carelessly inaccurate, eg term ending 3 weeks after bonfire night and his going to Eton only 4 years after starting the Dragon aged 7 (entry is at age 13).

The echoes with my own experiences made it more frustrating but also more compelling than it might be for others.

[Mary Pagones · Rating 5 out of 5]

When this book was first published, I bought it as soon as I heard of its existence. Like many American Anglophiles, the cloistered world of the British public (what we Yanks would call private or prep school) system fascinated me. Watkins' perspective was unique--although he was born in America and was a dual citizen, his American-dwelling parents elected to send their seven-year-old son to England, to the Dragon School, in preparation for entering Eton.

Normally, I'm not a fan of memoirs because they always feel somewhat artificial and lack a really satisfying sense of story. Although it is true that the book inevitably lacks a certain amount of focus due to the fact that it is based on someone's life, and Watkins' insight and focus on himself sometimes leads him to ignore fleshing out some characters the reader might prefer to learn more about, its strengths and insights vastly outweigh any weaknesses inherent to the format.

The section on Watkins' time in Eton is particularly strong, given that as an adolescent he is capable of far more insight into his experiences than he is as a child. The book roughly contains three sections--his time at the Dragon, coming to grips with his father's untimely death from cancer (I realize, soberly, that although his father seemed old to me when I first read the book, I'm now the man's age), and finally trying to understand the Eton experience itself and how it made him the man he became.

The book is alternately serious and hilarious and I think offering some choice quotes is perhaps the best way to "sell" readers on the need to read this extraordinary and rare work:

On his first days learning the rules at Eton:
"These things made me angry, but not upset. I knew from my time at the Dragon that sometimes rules would surface that nobody told you about. The only thing to do was obey them."

When a Turkish ice lolly seller intruded upon the Eton campus:
"'I must say,' Rupert whispered to me, comfortable now in our hiding place behind the cannon, 'that if you were an ice-cream man and didn't know who the Lower Man was, it would still take some balls to tell him to fuck off. Wouldn't you say?'"

On why it was necessary to be sent away at a young age to prepare him for Eton:
"Sending me to the Dragon School and then to Eton was a way of making sure that my brother and I didn't end up back in the kind of situation in which my father had grown up. I also knew that the people who had most intimidated my father were the Old-School types that Eton produced in more refinement than perhaps any other place."

On the loneliness of the all-male system of education:
"It made me sad to think that my greatest pleasure was to buy cheese and bread and coffee and sit on my windowsill, hearing distant people laughing in the dark."

One thing I would like to stress--what I loved about this book is that it wasn't a fish-out-of water story, or a critique of the British system from an American perspective. To go through Eton, Watkins had to lose his secure identity as an American, although of course he never could become thoroughly British. It is this quality of being betwixt and between worlds that makes his perspective so valuable, and he refuses to judge either world (his summers in New England back home and his British schooling) by one another's standards.

I will end, however, by noting the palpable sense of the sacrifice of the soldiers of the Great War that hangs over Eton and which drove Watkins to go backpacking to visit memorials to and graves of the dead soldiers during a school holiday. There are many negatives about the system Watkins details, clearly, but I don't recall the misery of the Bad War being driven home in my American schooling the same way as Watkins. I wish it did. I wish all school systems did.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I adore this memoir about a seven-year old American boy sent to boarding school in England. It's not the actual experience, but the way he coaxed himself through it that I connect with. I understand his journey of self-discovery through writing and the awkwardness of a difficult and lonely adjustment. "It made me sad to think that my greatest pleasure was to buy cheese and bread and coffee and sit on my window-sill, hearing the distant people laughing in the dark." That passage sums up how I have always felt about loneliness. I don't seek out the party that is outside the window, but I long for the companionship. Paul is funny, honest, and reflective. Anyone can relate to the horror that is finding your way through the adolescent crowd.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book for fans of the "boarding school novel." I happen to love them, perhaps because the only kids I knew who went to boarding schools were bad ones sent there by the juvenile courts. It wasn't very common to board schoolchildren in the US in the '70s and '80s; it's become much more common today thanks to the Harry Potter books. It's important to note the genre oif this book because otherwise, there's no much to interest a reader in this autobiographical tale. (By "boarding school novel" I don't mean something like the Harry Potter series, but more akin to Tom Brown's Schooldays.) I suppose it could be called a "coming of age" story but mostly it's about the life of a American schoolboy at The Dragon School and at Eton. Both were boys-only schools at the time he attended, and it's a tribute to the unchanging nature of elite boarding schools that you really cannot tell when this book was written. It was only by Googling the author that I discovered his birth-date and estimated that he boarded in the 70s and early 80s.

Watkins' British parents relocated to New England, but they put him on the Eton wait-list when he was six months old. At the age of seven, he was sent to the prestigious Dragon School. The title refers to his attitude about the elite boarding school experience: you must either embrace it utterly, or reject it utterly; there's no in-between. Those familiar with George Orwell's famous essay on this topic will be unsurprised by the relentless teasing and bullying at The Dragon School. It seems that Watkins was rather at the top of the pecking heap and got through his primary-school years with very little misery. He was teased for being a Yankee and he missed his parents, but overall he enjoyed the experience. Eton was a different matter. It's probably the most famous secondary school in the world and centuries of aristocratic sons were educated there. Even today, the school uniform is still the swallowtail ('cutaway') jacket and striped trousers, and all sorts of archaic rules and policies are in place. For example, you cannot carry an open umbrella across the grounds of Eton. In the old days, carrying an open umbrella meant you were too poor to afford your own carriage, and umbrellas were considered "dowdy" accessories. That this has not been the case for at least 150 years doesn't matter; open umbrellas are forbidden. The Eton student body voted on whether to abolish the system of "fagging" whereby younger boys act as servants to their elders; the students voted to keep the system but the faculty did abolish it (although no doubt it still exists in a less formal version).

As to be expected in any same-sex environment, there is plenty of homosexuality, in some cases some opportunistic, in others inherent. Watkins, who is presumably heterosexual, describes with touching poignancy losing a friend who falls in love with him at The Dragon School. He also describes the way older boys fawn all over the younger "pretty" ones and how being good-looking meant you'd never have a spot of trouble at Eton. And when serving as House Captain, he caught a gay couple in flagrante and was bullied by his room-mate/best friend into reporting them to the House Master. He did not want to do so, but his room-mate convinced him he must, then told the rest of the school that it was Watkins' idea and that he himself had nothing to do with it. As it turned out, his room-mate was a tattle-tale and was trying to keep his reputation as "inside man" with the House Master. Watkins felt such deep regret for this instance, and not merely because the other boys ostracized him. He sincerely believed he did the wrong thing and it's clear he carried this regret for years. The surprising thing about this incident is that the entire student body was so resoundingly in support of a gay couple. Whether that's because they were progressive-minded or simply because most engaged in opportunistic homosexual acts is unclear. Watkins eventually restored his reputation and also forgave his room-mate, but it was a turning point in the tale, and from then on, he was more his "own man" than a cog in the unruly wheel that was the Eton student body.

Watkins struggles with the usual coming-of-age problems: what to do for a career, how to interpret sex and pornography, why war memorials matter, why friendships don't always last as we get older (he does not remain friends with his Dragon School buddies). The death of his father, a noted geologist, affects him deeply and he almost flunks out of school because of it. But as he grows into a young man, he realizes that writing fiction is his true calling, and this reviewer couldn't agree more. Watkins is a beautiful stylist, and his sparse prose sparkles on every page. Simple phrases like "The spice of cold was in the air," render a winter scene so elegantly. There are no ground-shaking revelations or major events in this book, but just the day-to-day life of an interesting young man thrust into a privileged environment. I highly recommend it if you are interested in boarding-school life or coming-of-age tales.

[Cammie · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wonderful book this was! I glanced at the reviews of some other readers and a recurring theme seems to be that people often "stumbled across" this book. This was exactly how I found it as well. I was browsing in a second-hand bookshop when the title caught my attention and I picked up an old hardcover first edition at a bargain price.

Watkins's writing is sparing and lyrical, and he takes the reader into the world of English boarding schools in a way that captures a real sense of privilege and claustrophobia. His journey of self-discovery was both heart-warming and heart-wrenching, and some of the things he describes happening to him and his friends were genuinely painful to read about.

If there is one (small) criticism that might be levelled at the book, it's that there is occasionally a sense of detachment that saps the subject matter of some of its poignancy. I couldn't tell whether Watkins's dispassion was because the young him was already growing into a writerly mindset and becoming an aloof observer, or whether the writer he'd become by the time he wrote this book was trying to be a neutral recorder of the facts. But this was a small gripe overall.

Fascinating and poetically well-written, this is truly a book worth reading - and one that deserves far more recognition than it has been given.

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stand Before Your God: An American Schoolboy in England is Paul Watkins' memoir of his life in the British public school system, first at the Dragon School, and then at Eton.

Mr. Watkins is primarily a fiction author, and that shows in this memoir. Rather than telling the whole story in his present-day adult voice, the author instead changes his writing style to better reflect the different time periods about which he speaks. When talking about his earliest years in the schools, his circuitous story-telling and fascination with small details accurately describe the memories of a seven-year-old boy in a new place, far from family and friends. As Mr. Watkins grows up, so does his story-telling, until, in the final few chapters, he takes on the more serious tone and introspection of a young man about to embark on another new voyage, this time back to college in America. This unique and changing perspective adds another layer to the story, and truly allows us to appreciate his memories as he himself does, rather than tainting them with adult hindsight.

There were occasionally places where the book seemed a bit slow to me, especially in the early and middle years at Eton. In many ways, I suspect this is to do with never having been a teenage boy myself. What I found a bit boring may for some be an incredibly interesting and evocative picture of adolescent boyhood. Either way, this book certainly served the purpose I was looking for -- a real image of what it's like to be part of the public school system. Where other attempts at the subject are by turns judgmental or hyperbolic, Mr. Watkins' storytelling is both accurate and interesting.

Note: For those unfamiliar with the subject, Britain's "public" schools are, in fact, their oldest and wealthiest private schools. The (rather confusing) name comes from the fact that, in 16th Century, these were the first schools endowed for use by the public. They are still around today, but operate as independent (aka private) schools. In the interest of full disclosure, I ought to note that Paul and his wife, Cathy, are colleagues of mine. We have spoken many a time at the lunch table, though never about Paul's writing.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stand Before Your God was recommended to me by someone who went to English boarding school from the age of 8, including the same high school Paul Watkins writes about. He vouches for the accuracy of the author's description of the boarding school life, even though some things have changed since Watkins' days.

I, on the other hand, can vouch for the quality of the writing. I tore through this book like a bolt, even though it is neither a particularly dramatic or suspenseful tale. Watkins' writing is eloquent and succinct. Above all, it is supremely illustrative; he makes you feel every emotion that runs through the young English schoolboy. I cried reading the early passages of the young boys crying at night with their teddy bears, and a page later I might laugh aloud at some of the mishaps in the classroom or on the playing fields.

As an added bonus, I particularly enjoyed his very insightful description of being an "outsider" in England. As someone forging a life as an American among the British middle class, I identified entirely with his passages on the difficulty of ever gaining acceptance, no matter how much you try to assimilate.

I would recommend this book to anyone interested in learning about a certain slice of life in England but beyond that, I would also recommend it as an excellent example of wonderful writing. Anyone aspiring to write should try to emulate Watkins' ability to ellicit strong emotional responses with such a straight-forward style.

[Cropredy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, this was interesting. I was expecting a tale told from the perspective of an American about the oddities of the British upper class schooling system, over-the-top classism, perhaps some bits on bullying, and many comparisons about the American vs English way of doing things. This book is none of those things. Instead, it is a wistful journey told linearly but where dates and chronology are not that important to Watkins. Instead, he writes mostly about the journey of becoming a man and figuring out what he wanted to be, all through the context of boarding school in the Uk from age 7 - 18.

The first chapter, when Watkins arrived at the Dragon School in Oxford at age 7 without knowing he was going to be boarding are eye-opening. Fortunately, the horrors of that school do not persist when he arrives at Eton.

One gets a very good idea of friendships formed and lost; of flawed friendships, and of growing from boy to man.

The story starts in the 1970s but Watkins was only dimly aware of the world around him. He had enough on his mind with staying within the rules, pleasing his parents, and engaging in the exploits that only boys at a boarding school would undertake.

Fans of the 7-Up series by Michael Apted will gain special insight into the lives of the children in that series who did go to boarding school only ten years before Watkins did.

Overall, an interesting read for parents of boys who are considering boarding school for their son(s).

[James Henderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Opening as a very young boy suddenly is seemingly abandoned by his father in a house with a group of other boys and a housemaster, this memoir of growing up in English boys' schools is both sincere and heartwarming. The author, Paul Watkins, shares his experiences as a young American among the, mostly, young British boys in two schools, The Dragon School and, later, Eton. The memoir is filled with memories of friendships and fun. There are typical schoolboy activities, but sometimes punctuated by the harsh reality of being an outsider in a system with very old, slowly changing, traditions. The schools became, for Paul, places where "You had to stand before your God and commit." Throughout the memoir Paul's relationship with his father is a motif that develops to a climax in his father's death; an event that leads to an epiphany for Paul that helps define his life and career as a writer. Written with an easygoing style this is an excellent read; ultimately uplifting in its message.

[Ellen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting, but seemed curiously flat to me. Trying to figure out, too, why author's Rhode Island-based British parents would send him to Eton of all places! Haven't read his novels, but this book didn't make me strongly want to.

[Gemma F. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I stumbled across this book during a book exchange at my previous school which I have since graduated from two years ago! It's such a unique and interesting memoir which reminded me of Dead Poets Society for some reason!

[Jody · Rating 4 out of 5]

awesome personal style- he's got a real edge on telling every boys coming of age story

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! Initially read it because I knew Paul's late father, but it is a truly wonderful book!!

[Zoe · Rating 4 out of 5]

I ended up enjoying this book significantly more than I originally thought. Something about the last chapter specifically—moving on from Eton, the restless final spring he spent there—really hit home specifically.

I think there’s something quite universal about graduating from a place like that. The ending reminded me of that of Prep, and of Black Ice, and of my own senior spring at Lawrenceville.

There’s quite a bit which is left rattling around in my head.

“I came to see that in a way Eton expected us to rebel against it. It was a necessary stage of our time at the school. They knew that in the end we would rebel against ourselves and the way the school had made us, and this was also necessary” (221)

“It seemed to me that no one really missed the Point about Eton. The Point was whatever you made of it... I didn’t know yet what the Point was for me. Maybe you could never see where you yourself were headed. You could only look at the paths that others had begun to follow... This school made people who either loved it or hated it. There was no middle ground. You could not go here and come out not caring one way or the other. You had to stand before your God and commit, but the time for that would not come until after you had left the school. Before then, you had no real way of knowing if your time at Eton had helped you or hurt you” (218-9)

“All of us had Holy Ground, although we called it different names. Sometimes a boy would bring it up, and the rest of us would pretend we didn’t understand, because the sacred fields or roads or woods or back alleys would have lost their sacredness if we spelled them out or shared them” (231)

Certainly pleasantly surprised by this book, and a fabulous addition to my ever-growing repertoire of boarding school literature.

[SheMac · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hmmm .... Well written and enjoyable. This is the author's story so who am I to tell him how he should have written. But if he were to ask me ... I wish he had told his family story a little more thoroughly. We get dribs and drabs of his parents' background but we get no sense of their relationship and how it is, with his mother in particular, they could send their SEVEN-YEAR OLD son across an ocean to be educated. Watkins also does jot dwell on the culture shock he experienced moving to England. Yes, boarding school is certainly new to him but he had, presumably, little experience of education in general, so wherever he ended up would have been new and strange. But what about the sports, the entertainment, the food, the customs, etc.? The author also gives us no time frame whatsoever. He recalls no personal details and no current events that could place his story in any time period except that it's after WW2. The book was published in 1993, so I assumed the author was about ten years younger than I but he's slightly older! I also wish he had spent some time discussing the curriculum he experienced at Dragon and Eton. But the story he tells about life at an English boarding school from the perspective of a tiny boy and then from one of a young man growing in wisdom are entertaining, sad and funny.

[Robert · Rating 3 out of 5]

Boarding school memoir.

I was going to a British type of boarding school when I read it, although evidently Paul Watkins had a much better experience than I did as he went to a much swankier boarding school and seems to have blossomed there.

Well maybe I blossomed a little bit, but not nearly as much as he did.

It's pretty well written in the boy coming of age genre but it definitely seems to speak of another era, I doubt anyone still has these kinds of experiences and this kind of conception of masculinity growing up ...?

[Anne Tissier · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first read this about 20 years ago, but lockdown drew me back to it. Such an inspiration if you feel an urge to write, and such an insight into public school life and all that this American boy had to cope with.

[Jennifer Vivekanand · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this long ago, but came across it recently and reread it. It was an interesting look at an English public (private) school back in the day.

[Blanca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Evocative, fun, surrealistic, sad, nostalgic, hilarious. An absolute delight to read.

[Kristy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This memoir documents the author's days from 7 years old until graduation as he navigates the halls of two of Britain's greatest boarding schools, Dragon and Eton. Written 10 years after the author leaves for Yale, he lets us in on a world foreign to most of us but imaginable none the less. While missing anything life-changing or profound, the expected nicknames, pranks, punishments, friends, adversaries, athletics, and personal growth are all there, including rules, rules, and more rules. The author includes discovering his need to write at a very young age which he has clearly mastered. (He spoke to Christopher's English class this year, and I regret missing when he spoke to the public.)

[Alex Kintzer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book tells an interesting story. It tells the story of how school was - not is - but was. That is my only problem with this book; the bulk of this book is horribly dated. I can vouch for this as I am currently at one of his previous schools.

If you're after an interesting, stylishly written biography, then I would suggest it. And if you are at Eton or the Dragon then I would suggest it. But if you don't have a connection, just don't get the wrong impression and enjoy the book for what it is; an autobiography of his childhood and passage to becoming a man.

[Kyla · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was forced to read this with a 10th grader I tutor. His school chose this for an American Lit course. First of all, it takes place in England...so... Second of all, and this is not the author's fault, but to have to read the contents of this book with a 10th grade boy was uber uncomfortable for me. I just thought it was a typical memoir, where the events that happened, could happen to basically anyone who went to a boarding school. Maybe I'm being too harsh-it just wasn't for me!

[Jrobertus · Rating 3 out of 5]

a memoir of his school days in eng (although i think he is an american). a bit flat at times but still has interesting and informative moments.

[Misha Fredericks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book!