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God's Callgirl
At the age of 18, Carla van Raay entered a convent to devote her life to God. By 35 she was earning her living as a prostitute. As a child, Carla van Raay experienced a trauma that changed her forever. Burdened by the weight of this terrible secret, all she wanted to do was survive. Life as a nun promised refuge from the outside world. Carla hoped to find love and understanding within the convent walls. Instead she became enmeshed in a complex system of regulations that drove her to the brink of madness. Finally released from her vows, she escaped back into the 'real' world. A hasty marriage and separation left Carla with a daughter to support. With few professional skills to rely on from her years as a nun, she turned to another ageâ old profession â prostitution. She worked as an escort to learn the ropes, then struck out on her own, setting up a massage service. God's Callgirl was born. When eventually the seamier side of the business began to assert itself, Carla embarked on a journey to uncover the dark secret of her past. A true story of religion, abuse, prostitution & recovery.
508 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2004
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439 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 104 reviews
May 30, 2022
‘Carla van Raay is an Australian author, counselor and former nun, teacher and call girl. A true story of religion, abuse, prostitution & recovery.’
I don’t know what to say about this book other than I’ve never read a memoir like this one before. It was, eww, holy sh*t, oh boy, unreal and fascinating at the same time.
Carla Van Raay has written a few more books. I did not know that. I thought this was a one off. Well, I guess I’m going to want to read the sequel now.
I don’t know what to say about this book other than I’ve never read a memoir like this one before. It was, eww, holy sh*t, oh boy, unreal and fascinating at the same time.
Carla Van Raay has written a few more books. I did not know that. I thought this was a one off. Well, I guess I’m going to want to read the sequel now.
March 7, 2012
I am not quite sure how to rate this book.
How can I say that I found it a dreadful story, when it is actually someone’s real life?
let’s start by saying that I found it really hard to believe that the author could recall memories from when she was only 2 or 3 years old. Very detailed memories indeed.... Then I am not talking about the abuse of her father. But about what her mother said when she was two and what visitors came and what they wore etc.
During the whole book there was not one moment I could relate or feel sorry for her, because through it all I just felt she called it all down to herself. She likes being the victim and the "ow poor me" storyline becomes to get boring after a short while.
She starts her book with pointing out the horror of the convent. But throughout the book there was not one moment that I thought "Indeed this is horror." Let’s be completely honest shall we. She is a non in a convent in de 50's, it must not have been paradise. But she did not get beaten, did not get abused. She was left out, mainly because she choose to be. She went left when everybody went right. She said it was A when everybody said B. I indeed think that convent wasn't the place to be for her.
After the convent she became a call girl, as she explains because she had a godly vision about being a bringer of light to the people. Who are you kidding woman? You are a hooker as simply as that. And let me state that there is nothing wrong with being a prostitute, but just lets be fair and open about it. Not the "this is my divine way of giving joy to the people". You fuck for money, it’s a job as old as humanity, but that’s it. Nothing divine about it.
By the end of the book she gets involved with all kinds of shamans, spiritual leaders and I just couldn't be bother anymore. I finished the book yes, because I was so close to the end. But what a dreadful story it was.
We honestly think that the only thing that could actually have helped Carla was a good shrink. According to everything I have read she is a extreme borderline patient.
How can I say that I found it a dreadful story, when it is actually someone’s real life?
let’s start by saying that I found it really hard to believe that the author could recall memories from when she was only 2 or 3 years old. Very detailed memories indeed.... Then I am not talking about the abuse of her father. But about what her mother said when she was two and what visitors came and what they wore etc.
During the whole book there was not one moment I could relate or feel sorry for her, because through it all I just felt she called it all down to herself. She likes being the victim and the "ow poor me" storyline becomes to get boring after a short while.
She starts her book with pointing out the horror of the convent. But throughout the book there was not one moment that I thought "Indeed this is horror." Let’s be completely honest shall we. She is a non in a convent in de 50's, it must not have been paradise. But she did not get beaten, did not get abused. She was left out, mainly because she choose to be. She went left when everybody went right. She said it was A when everybody said B. I indeed think that convent wasn't the place to be for her.
After the convent she became a call girl, as she explains because she had a godly vision about being a bringer of light to the people. Who are you kidding woman? You are a hooker as simply as that. And let me state that there is nothing wrong with being a prostitute, but just lets be fair and open about it. Not the "this is my divine way of giving joy to the people". You fuck for money, it’s a job as old as humanity, but that’s it. Nothing divine about it.
By the end of the book she gets involved with all kinds of shamans, spiritual leaders and I just couldn't be bother anymore. I finished the book yes, because I was so close to the end. But what a dreadful story it was.
We honestly think that the only thing that could actually have helped Carla was a good shrink. According to everything I have read she is a extreme borderline patient.
December 28, 2007
I've had a fascination with nuns ever since I was young, when my Barbie dolls would regularly make vows to God and then break them in favour of a white lace wedding to Ken. The Nun's Story still makes me cry (and I can't decide whether I prefer the book to the movie -- they're both compelling in their own ways). I even wrote two chapters of a novel about a twentysomething nun who leaves her order under mysterious circumstances. When I went to college -- an all-female, Catholic college run by nuns -- I observed, up close and personal, the tremendous sacrifice and strength of will exhibited by these amazing women. And as an impressionable 20-year-old, I had a passing acquaintance with a woman who entered the convent when she was 22, fresh out of college, and what I remember most was seeing her at a conference a year later, thin as a rail and with the sparkle gone from her eyes. What could this choice do to a woman, especially in this day and age? What does becoming a nun mean for someone's life, and what happens if it doesn't work out? The inner workings of convent life especially fascinated me, and still do, to the point that I am drawn to any books having to do with nuns, especially contemporary accounts written by women who have left the order for secular life. Fortunately I have a husband with a good memory for such details, and this book was an early Christmas present when I complained about having nothing but parenting manuals to look at.
Carla van Raay is one of these women, but she didn't leave just to lead a "normal" life -- she left and, through a series of soul-fragmenting mishaps, decisions, mistakes and choices -- some conscious, others driven by past events, still others from a desire to confront deeper parts of herself -- became a prostitute. There's not much else to say about that, except that she spends almost as much time detailing the nitty-gritty of her life between the sheets as she does explaining the minutiae of convent life. Some of it was nauseating, as I have a weak stomach for certain things, but some of it was absolutely spellbinding. It was hard for me to remember that she entered the convent in the pre-Vatican II days, when Mother Superior ruled and her nuns weren't allowed to think for themselves at all. Nuns today have considerably more freedom of thought and movement -- or so it appears to an outsider like me. Still, there's something timeless about Carla's story, and even though she'll be 70 next year (she was born in 1938), her voice hovers in youth and it's that youth and innocence that informs her story.
Having seen the Australian miniseries "Brides of Christ" on DVD, I had a fair idea about convent life in Australia in the 1960s and the effects Vatican II had on the traditional sisters -- some of whom could not handle their newfound freedom and went quietly insane. I wished Carla had talked more about this side of things, but her narrative is uneven and at times the chronology is confused, although she tries to give equal attention to the themes she explores. It's not a difficult read, and at more than 500 pages, it's good for a rainy weekend. It's not as salacious as I expected, and although Carla's indignance and feelings of victimisation are difficult to cope with at times -- some of her story reads like that of a petulant child tattling to her mother -- when I contextualise all of these personal annoyances, everything falls into place.
Carla van Raay is one of these women, but she didn't leave just to lead a "normal" life -- she left and, through a series of soul-fragmenting mishaps, decisions, mistakes and choices -- some conscious, others driven by past events, still others from a desire to confront deeper parts of herself -- became a prostitute. There's not much else to say about that, except that she spends almost as much time detailing the nitty-gritty of her life between the sheets as she does explaining the minutiae of convent life. Some of it was nauseating, as I have a weak stomach for certain things, but some of it was absolutely spellbinding. It was hard for me to remember that she entered the convent in the pre-Vatican II days, when Mother Superior ruled and her nuns weren't allowed to think for themselves at all. Nuns today have considerably more freedom of thought and movement -- or so it appears to an outsider like me. Still, there's something timeless about Carla's story, and even though she'll be 70 next year (she was born in 1938), her voice hovers in youth and it's that youth and innocence that informs her story.
Having seen the Australian miniseries "Brides of Christ" on DVD, I had a fair idea about convent life in Australia in the 1960s and the effects Vatican II had on the traditional sisters -- some of whom could not handle their newfound freedom and went quietly insane. I wished Carla had talked more about this side of things, but her narrative is uneven and at times the chronology is confused, although she tries to give equal attention to the themes she explores. It's not a difficult read, and at more than 500 pages, it's good for a rainy weekend. It's not as salacious as I expected, and although Carla's indignance and feelings of victimisation are difficult to cope with at times -- some of her story reads like that of a petulant child tattling to her mother -- when I contextualise all of these personal annoyances, everything falls into place.
April 11, 2013
This book was at times tedious and hard to get through, though I'm glad I read it. It was an in depth look at a very unusual life. I have to confess that I often didn't like Carla very much. I did sympathize with her troubles in the convent, and it was interesting to read about how she internalized the abuse she received at the hands of her father. I liked the insight into being a nun in the 1950s.
But the book got off track when she became a prostitute. I felt she engaged in a lot of self-deception, and I felt she played the victim to the hilt. that she tried to read deeper meaning into the fact that she had sex for money, trying to set herself up as a kind of sexual healer, bringing joy to her clients. She never acknowledge the many marriages she destroyed not seducing the husbands of women who trusted her and were her friends. She never confesses to horribly mistreating her husband and being a bad mother to her children, glossing over these things.
And in the end, with her constant search for healing, she just seemed immensely selfish and self-centered, playing the victim when it seemed the vast majority of her problems were of her own making. She lets herself off the hook by telling herself she is a good person, and that she did her best- I;m all for self-acceptance, but she never acknowledges the bad things she did, the lives she ruined.
But the book got off track when she became a prostitute. I felt she engaged in a lot of self-deception, and I felt she played the victim to the hilt. that she tried to read deeper meaning into the fact that she had sex for money, trying to set herself up as a kind of sexual healer, bringing joy to her clients. She never acknowledge the many marriages she destroyed not seducing the husbands of women who trusted her and were her friends. She never confesses to horribly mistreating her husband and being a bad mother to her children, glossing over these things.
And in the end, with her constant search for healing, she just seemed immensely selfish and self-centered, playing the victim when it seemed the vast majority of her problems were of her own making. She lets herself off the hook by telling herself she is a good person, and that she did her best- I;m all for self-acceptance, but she never acknowledges the bad things she did, the lives she ruined.
October 25, 2010
I brought this book last year as one of my holiday reads. Usually I get through a good book in 5 - 10 days but I have only just finished this one! Let me explain briefly why!
The book starts off okay - in fact the first third of the book was quite good detailing Carla van Raay's childhood and her reasons for entering the convent (nothing out of this world though - hardly page-turning).
The second third of the book dragged terribly. I expected it to be eye-opening as far as revealing the in's and out's of convent life and describing some juicy 'what goes on behind closed doors' facts. Not so, it was painfully dull.
This was when I gave up on it for a year - but an unfinished book bugs me so I picked it up again this year to read the final third.
Carla's demise into prostitution.
Well the only way I can describe the last third is ridiculous - and written extremely uninspiringly. As if Carla was writing her memoirs under duress.
I feel like my time reading this book was a waste of time - it was disappointing.
The book starts off okay - in fact the first third of the book was quite good detailing Carla van Raay's childhood and her reasons for entering the convent (nothing out of this world though - hardly page-turning).
The second third of the book dragged terribly. I expected it to be eye-opening as far as revealing the in's and out's of convent life and describing some juicy 'what goes on behind closed doors' facts. Not so, it was painfully dull.
This was when I gave up on it for a year - but an unfinished book bugs me so I picked it up again this year to read the final third.
Carla's demise into prostitution.
Well the only way I can describe the last third is ridiculous - and written extremely uninspiringly. As if Carla was writing her memoirs under duress.
I feel like my time reading this book was a waste of time - it was disappointing.
February 25, 2012
This would have to be the worst memoir I have ever read and poorly written. In the beginning I sympathised with Carla. To be the victim of sexual abuse by the hands of a family member is appalling and can leave mental scaring. But I could not come to terms with her actions later in life as a prostitute. To set up a parlour in the same house your daughters are living in, I think is disgusting. She became self obsessed towards the end and I don’t think highly of her as a parent.
So no…I would not recommend this to anyone
So no…I would not recommend this to anyone
December 12, 2021
Quite fascinated by the insides of the convent and how Vatican 2 affected the nuns as I grew upon that era with nuns at boarding school. Also her long long journey to find herself sometimes seemed too long and drawn out. But liked that she put such loving effort into her customers to make them feel better.
June 17, 2010
“GOD’S CALLGIRL” by Carla Van Raay (non-fiction)
During World War 2, Carla’s early childhood experiences in a small town in Holland revolved around her family struggles and Catholic upbringing that framed how one very young girl would perceive her place in the world controlled by adults and the Church.
A terrible secret, a busy and seemingly unsympathetic mother, and a child’s inner conflicts about how she viewed the contradictions of her understanding of Church and God, moulded Carla as she grew into adulthood.
I was quite absorbed by her story in Holland, and her life in Australia within the convent, but became quite frustrated that at no time did she ever seek another opinion from the one inside her own head. After her marriage and the birth of her child, Carla seems to be never satisfied and has a need to explore something she felt missing from her early life.
Entering into a life of prostitution was, I felt, initially only a short-term solution, but further reading gave insight into Carla’s turmoil and eventual addiction.
I became very impatient to finish this book, quite frustrated and annoyed by a total self-absorption and indulgence of the author, however, those who grew up in Catholic convent education may appreciate this book far more than I.
I really loathed this book, and rushed to finish and be done with it! The author is filled with self-pity and looking to blame others for her own self-designed predicament. While one feels great horror for the child who suffered at the betrayal and abuse from her father, I felt that there was something deliberatley omitted from the story. This child was presented with a few potential confidantes that she chose to ignore and I did wonder why.
The remainder of the story continued in the same vein with the author at one moment intrigued by the seclusion of the convent, yet at the same time unable to make the most of her situation. Yes, we understand that conditions were harsh in some circumstances, and that indeed much harm was done in such secretive cloistered living, but the author continued to place herself in situations seemingly deliberately in order to suffer more. I guess some psychologists would blame her past of victimisation by her father, but once again, she had an opportunity NOT to be where she put herself.
The path that lead to her work as a prostitute is once again laid at the feet of her past, but I see a person who clearly made the decision, and perhaps if she had not been so unwilling to state and accept her own part in her life, maybe I could have empathised with her story.
During World War 2, Carla’s early childhood experiences in a small town in Holland revolved around her family struggles and Catholic upbringing that framed how one very young girl would perceive her place in the world controlled by adults and the Church.
A terrible secret, a busy and seemingly unsympathetic mother, and a child’s inner conflicts about how she viewed the contradictions of her understanding of Church and God, moulded Carla as she grew into adulthood.
I was quite absorbed by her story in Holland, and her life in Australia within the convent, but became quite frustrated that at no time did she ever seek another opinion from the one inside her own head. After her marriage and the birth of her child, Carla seems to be never satisfied and has a need to explore something she felt missing from her early life.
Entering into a life of prostitution was, I felt, initially only a short-term solution, but further reading gave insight into Carla’s turmoil and eventual addiction.
I became very impatient to finish this book, quite frustrated and annoyed by a total self-absorption and indulgence of the author, however, those who grew up in Catholic convent education may appreciate this book far more than I.
I really loathed this book, and rushed to finish and be done with it! The author is filled with self-pity and looking to blame others for her own self-designed predicament. While one feels great horror for the child who suffered at the betrayal and abuse from her father, I felt that there was something deliberatley omitted from the story. This child was presented with a few potential confidantes that she chose to ignore and I did wonder why.
The remainder of the story continued in the same vein with the author at one moment intrigued by the seclusion of the convent, yet at the same time unable to make the most of her situation. Yes, we understand that conditions were harsh in some circumstances, and that indeed much harm was done in such secretive cloistered living, but the author continued to place herself in situations seemingly deliberately in order to suffer more. I guess some psychologists would blame her past of victimisation by her father, but once again, she had an opportunity NOT to be where she put herself.
The path that lead to her work as a prostitute is once again laid at the feet of her past, but I see a person who clearly made the decision, and perhaps if she had not been so unwilling to state and accept her own part in her life, maybe I could have empathised with her story.
March 30, 2015
A friend told me about this book and at first description I was keen to read it, it sounded like a really interesting story right up my alley; a woman's disillusionment and rejection of faith and Christian morals. However a short while in and I was already disappointed. Carla Van Raay's book seems determined to cash in on the "virgin turned whore" attraction. Despite a significant portion of the book discussing the oppressive institution of the Catholic church and the cruel inner-working's of the convent, the book failed to enlighten me as to any rational thought regarding why the author gave up her faith. There is little exploration of Catholicism itself - the biography becomes a surface story about a woman abused by the system who thus chooses to take matters into her own hands and abuse herself. God, or any discussion of God, is almost non-existent and apparently irrelevant to Carla Van Raay's journey. Although I support the idea of claiming freedom from sexual oppression, it seems God's Callgirl goes to the other extreme, claiming that the repressed sexual desire's creates nymphomaniacs. As autobiography, the book poses a rather thrilling and extreme story - but it reminded me of an expanded article from the "Real Life" section of a 'Woman's Day' magazine with the headline "Sworn virgin becomes a hooker: how I went from nun to sex worker" - which is all it basically is.
March 25, 2014
Carla Van Raay is an interesting woman who led a perfectly imperfect life. The book serves as a memoir that chronicles her life from childhood, and the sexual abuse she experienced, to her time in a convent and onwards to her life as a prostitute and later finding self acceptance.
She makes some profound statements and whilst her story is so different from my short life so far I felt that our emotional journeys have in some way shared similarities. This book made me face some of my own internal voices and stories.
A lot of the reviews on this book claim she never acknowledges the bad she does and that she plays the victim throughout but that is a part of her story and her struggle with life. By the end she is able to cast of her self imposed story of victim and whilst she never says "i did this wrong and that wrong etcetc" she does acknowledge that she did what she felt was right at the time of her actions - the same as we all do. She acknowledges her emotional immaturity. I feel like going over all your wrongdoings in life is not exactly productive.
So, no maybe Carla isn't likeable necessarily - but she is human and she shared that humanity with us, the reader.
She makes some profound statements and whilst her story is so different from my short life so far I felt that our emotional journeys have in some way shared similarities. This book made me face some of my own internal voices and stories.
A lot of the reviews on this book claim she never acknowledges the bad she does and that she plays the victim throughout but that is a part of her story and her struggle with life. By the end she is able to cast of her self imposed story of victim and whilst she never says "i did this wrong and that wrong etcetc" she does acknowledge that she did what she felt was right at the time of her actions - the same as we all do. She acknowledges her emotional immaturity. I feel like going over all your wrongdoings in life is not exactly productive.
So, no maybe Carla isn't likeable necessarily - but she is human and she shared that humanity with us, the reader.
May 31, 2017
Despite my sympathies for what she endured as a child, I can't help but find the author an awful woman. I struggled to comprehend the wrong doing of any nuns or convents. She speaks about her children as though they are just objects. Honestly, I get more excited talking about crochet than she does about her children. And to top it off, she is genuinely baffled that people are upset with her for sleeping with their husbands. Being in need of some serious help does not excuse such appalling behaviour to friends and family. Thanking my stars I don't have a toxic person like her in my life!
June 14, 2018
jeepers what a life! from abused to a nun and then a married woman to a prostitute. I'm glad she managed to heal as well as she did. however I did cringe through some of her retelling as I wondered how she managed to skip over her husband's feelings around her choices
June 17, 2014
Leek me interessant om te lezen waarom iemand non wordt en later callgirl. Het boek was te doen in het begin tot ze weg moest uit het klooster. Dat kon ik niet helemaal volgen. En de keuze waarom ze later prostituee werd en hoe expliciet het werd beschreven al helemaal niet. Hoe ze alle goede mannen in haar leven liet zitten en hoe ze zich als een soort van spiritueel en lichamelijk healer neerzet terwijl ze gewoon de hoer speelt... En ook nog met de mannen van vriendinnen seks heeft en dat normaal vindt. Toen ze haar vaders misbruik uiteindelijk goed praatte ging bij mij het licht uit. Ik kon geen sympathie voor haar krijgen. Ze komt op me over als een aparte dame met issues. Er was toch wel een andere weg mogelijk dan die ze gekozen heeft. Een normale baan bijvoorbeeld en gezinsleven. Het is erg wat haar is overkomen maar om dat de rest van je leven te gebruiken als excuus voor de keuzes die je maakt gaat er bij mij niet in. Het boek was langdradig en werd steeds saaier. Een interessant gegeven maar slecht uitgewerkt. Jammer.
November 1, 2012
Carla mengalami pelecehan seksual oleh ayahnya sendiri saat masih kanak-kanak membuatnya trauma berkepanjangan. Dia beranjak dewasa dengan menyimpan sebuah rahasia gelap, dan dia senantiasa mencari cinta dan kasih sayang. Begitu pula saat dia memutuskan untuk masuk biara, menjadi seorang biarawati, mengabdikan hidupnya untuk Tuhan. Tetapi yang ditemukannya hanyalah dinding-dinding nan bisu. Akhirnya dia pun melepaskan diri, terbebas dari sumpahnya.
Pernikahan yang gagal dan seorang anak perempuan yang membutuhkan biaya membuat Carla beralih ke profesi yang paling berlawanan, yaitu menjadi seorang pekerja seks komersial. Sang pelacur Tuhan pun lahir. Segala pembenaran dicarinya demi menyucikan perbuatannya. Carla tak tahu, bahwa dia tak bisa melarikan diri selamanya. Ketika wajah asli nan buruk rupa dari bisnis itu menampakkan diri, Carla pun harus bangkit dan memulai perjalanan untuk menyingkap rahasia hidupnya.
Begitu lah.
Pernikahan yang gagal dan seorang anak perempuan yang membutuhkan biaya membuat Carla beralih ke profesi yang paling berlawanan, yaitu menjadi seorang pekerja seks komersial. Sang pelacur Tuhan pun lahir. Segala pembenaran dicarinya demi menyucikan perbuatannya. Carla tak tahu, bahwa dia tak bisa melarikan diri selamanya. Ketika wajah asli nan buruk rupa dari bisnis itu menampakkan diri, Carla pun harus bangkit dan memulai perjalanan untuk menyingkap rahasia hidupnya.
Begitu lah.
November 13, 2011
(from my bookcrossing)
An interesting and compelling story. Having Dutch Catholics in my immediate family and living in Perth made it all the more riveting. I enjoyed the book but I have to admit I found the author rather self absorbed, but then I guess it is a memoir. It seemed to me to be a story of extreme repression and extreme indulgence (both sexual excess and excessive soul searching). Her father ruined her life but he was a victim of circumstances himself. Entering the convent did nothing but more damage. My impression of the author's life in the years after leaving the convent were sad and sordid, no matter how she justified it. I would be interested to know more about her children and how they coped with it all. I hope Carla has at last found peace of mind.
An interesting and compelling story. Having Dutch Catholics in my immediate family and living in Perth made it all the more riveting. I enjoyed the book but I have to admit I found the author rather self absorbed, but then I guess it is a memoir. It seemed to me to be a story of extreme repression and extreme indulgence (both sexual excess and excessive soul searching). Her father ruined her life but he was a victim of circumstances himself. Entering the convent did nothing but more damage. My impression of the author's life in the years after leaving the convent were sad and sordid, no matter how she justified it. I would be interested to know more about her children and how they coped with it all. I hope Carla has at last found peace of mind.
Read
July 25, 2011I was not overly fond of this book. I don't read a lot of memoirs and this one really was a good example of why. When you give a plot sumary this is a hugely eventful life, but it often came across as self-indulgent and I didn't often sympathise with the protagonist.
That said, many in my bookclub disagreed! We had a great evening of discussion and many felt that it was an engaging tale and that her behaviour was easily understood after all that she had been through.
The scores were: 0/7/5/5/5/7/7/5/3/5
10 of us read and ranked it - average works out at 4.9.
That said, many in my bookclub disagreed! We had a great evening of discussion and many felt that it was an engaging tale and that her behaviour was easily understood after all that she had been through.
The scores were: 0/7/5/5/5/7/7/5/3/5
10 of us read and ranked it - average works out at 4.9.
November 1, 2013
Nem tenho palavras para descrever esta história...!
Tendo sido uma historia verídica, acho que realmente esta mulher foi uma infeliz e acabou por se tornar numa depravada sexual e uma péssima mãe... só pensava em sexo e dar uma vida estável aos filhos??? O pai abusou sexualmente dela desde pequena, concordo que afeta psicologicamente uma pessoa, mas daí a largar a vida de freira, casar, ter filhos (de pais diferentes) e tornar-se prostituta, não querendo saber deles...
Foi dos piores livros que já li!
Carla Van Raay se realmente a sua vida foi assim... bem... nem comento!
Tendo sido uma historia verídica, acho que realmente esta mulher foi uma infeliz e acabou por se tornar numa depravada sexual e uma péssima mãe... só pensava em sexo e dar uma vida estável aos filhos??? O pai abusou sexualmente dela desde pequena, concordo que afeta psicologicamente uma pessoa, mas daí a largar a vida de freira, casar, ter filhos (de pais diferentes) e tornar-se prostituta, não querendo saber deles...
Foi dos piores livros que já li!
Carla Van Raay se realmente a sua vida foi assim... bem... nem comento!
January 22, 2012
Wow! It's amazing that van Raay can remember every line and every hateful look in the eyes of nearly everyone in her life with whom she had problems (which is nearly everyone), yet she dismisses her own foibles in a brief line or so. She blithely throws out lines like "But it was my choice!" to give the idea that she's taking responsibility for her own actions, but she doesn't really believe it, and neither does the reader. Don't bother with this one.
February 7, 2015
Finally finished this. It got a bit tedious towards the end but all in all an interesting read. Bit uncomfortable reading the rude bits on the train sometimes but at the same time it is quite funny to think someone might be reading over your shoulder. Having said that though I always seem to get the people that haven't got the intelligence to carry tissues when their nose is running sitting next to me so it's doubtful they can read well enough to take any notice of my book.
January 23, 2008
Currently reading for our Book Club.
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An interesting story, but a very confusing writer and one who I did not have much sympathy for despite her troubled life. Not one I'd recommend.
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An interesting story, but a very confusing writer and one who I did not have much sympathy for despite her troubled life. Not one I'd recommend.
November 2, 2009
The title to this autobiography is enticing. The "author" may have had a great story to tell however she failed to deliver anything of substance. It is tedious and has no structure. One boring mess of read. If possible would give it half a star
February 26, 2011
Not sure I believe a word of this tripe. It smacks of 'what terrible life story can I say I've suffered' to make gullible people pay to read it!
True or not this woman is totally despicable.
Don't waste your money or time.
True or not this woman is totally despicable.
Don't waste your money or time.
July 4, 2014
At times interesting, tedious at others and it was hard to get through. I probably should have ditched it many times but ploughed on and have completed it. Not that well written either, making the story a bit disjointed.
July 31, 2011
The bit where she became a prostitute happened so quickly - I still don't understand how it happened. She didn't explain this aspect of her life very well.
October 27, 2023
I first saw this book at Borders (when it existed on the Hay St mall) and always wanted to read it. But it was out of my price range, being a poor uni student, and so I'd just stare at it wistfully and carry on.
Smash to some 15 or so years later and I found it in the secondhand bookstore up the road from me. I grabbed it, glad to finally get a chance to read it.
This wasn't what I expected it to be. I thought it would be a harrowing account, with van Raay found herself on the streets and at dire ends. This... really isn't that. van Raay is funny. She writes with joy and a clear wit. Although she lived a very hard life and the first section of the book is dark, she never loses her spark.
I do feel like I missed a few things, though, like why she felt compelled to join the convent and why she felt targeted. van Raay was clearly a victim of abuse, was traumatised and had mental health issues (all she admitted), but during her time as a nun, a lot of what she did was her own doing. Spending hours walking in circles, putting her hand up for work, trying to push them through to modernity after Vatican II... yes, she no doubt caused ripples and received some flack, but she even said she put herself in extreme circumstances. Not going to the infirmary when ill? Allowing herself to be punished?
Her unconventional life afterwards was also surprising. She seemed to throw her prior vows off with glee. Premarital sex, jumping from one relationship to the next... I'm surprised how easy it was, given how confining her life had been for most of her life. But hey, that does seem to be a pattern people fall into, broadly speaking.
The ending I admittedly started skimming. The way she fell into a lot of bizarre, New Age therapies, how many friendships she destroyed by sleeping with husbands, how she never seemed to learn from it. How she managed to keep any healthy relationships is surprising.
I can see why people struggle to review and rate this. I hope van Raay is happy now. I hope she's managed to keep a good life.
Smash to some 15 or so years later and I found it in the secondhand bookstore up the road from me. I grabbed it, glad to finally get a chance to read it.
This wasn't what I expected it to be. I thought it would be a harrowing account, with van Raay found herself on the streets and at dire ends. This... really isn't that. van Raay is funny. She writes with joy and a clear wit. Although she lived a very hard life and the first section of the book is dark, she never loses her spark.
I do feel like I missed a few things, though, like why she felt compelled to join the convent and why she felt targeted. van Raay was clearly a victim of abuse, was traumatised and had mental health issues (all she admitted), but during her time as a nun, a lot of what she did was her own doing. Spending hours walking in circles, putting her hand up for work, trying to push them through to modernity after Vatican II... yes, she no doubt caused ripples and received some flack, but she even said she put herself in extreme circumstances. Not going to the infirmary when ill? Allowing herself to be punished?
Her unconventional life afterwards was also surprising. She seemed to throw her prior vows off with glee. Premarital sex, jumping from one relationship to the next... I'm surprised how easy it was, given how confining her life had been for most of her life. But hey, that does seem to be a pattern people fall into, broadly speaking.
The ending I admittedly started skimming. The way she fell into a lot of bizarre, New Age therapies, how many friendships she destroyed by sleeping with husbands, how she never seemed to learn from it. How she managed to keep any healthy relationships is surprising.
I can see why people struggle to review and rate this. I hope van Raay is happy now. I hope she's managed to keep a good life.
April 24, 2020
Carla’s book is part autobiography and part self-help book, with the self being her. Carla struggles throughout life after being sexually abused by her father. She never really seemed to fit in anywhere during her life. Partly due to her challenging home life but probably also due to being an immigrant. Her family emigrated from Holland to Australia when she was 13. She was also the eldest child in a large family and brought up with a very stringent view as to what it was to be a good Catholic.
We follow Carla through her socially awkward childhood, into the Convent as an emotionally immature young woman. The Order Carla joined seemed to be stuck in the Middle Ages with silence, self-flagellation and excessive pointless cleaning. Eventually she breaks out only to become a prostitute in various settings. The Church was abusive too in the form of non-payment to the nuns for years of work (Carla became a teacher) but also taking money from the nuns’ families for their upkeep. Carla did have a couple of long-term relationships that did produce 2 children but she seemed to have been largely absent both physically and emotionally throughout their lives.
The last part of the book deals with Carla’s attempts to heal by contacting various forms of self-help groups and gurus. In the end she does find acceptance, both of herself and her parents with the conclusion that we all do the best we can at the point we’re at.
We follow Carla through her socially awkward childhood, into the Convent as an emotionally immature young woman. The Order Carla joined seemed to be stuck in the Middle Ages with silence, self-flagellation and excessive pointless cleaning. Eventually she breaks out only to become a prostitute in various settings. The Church was abusive too in the form of non-payment to the nuns for years of work (Carla became a teacher) but also taking money from the nuns’ families for their upkeep. Carla did have a couple of long-term relationships that did produce 2 children but she seemed to have been largely absent both physically and emotionally throughout their lives.
The last part of the book deals with Carla’s attempts to heal by contacting various forms of self-help groups and gurus. In the end she does find acceptance, both of herself and her parents with the conclusion that we all do the best we can at the point we’re at.
December 30, 2022
This book is a character study in BPD. The author has some interesting stories to tell and the book starts fairly well. It is all downhill from the end of part 1
Carla blames everyone for everything, the pages are just perceived slights and hurts strung together, yet through it all no acknowledgment of any of the hurts she causes others - her husband, daughters, friends, presumably family on publication. She is completely self absorbed and ascribes a level of importance to herself and actions that isn’t apparent to the reader - for example she is a prostitute as an act of service to god?
She glosses over everything that might actually be interesting. How did her family feel about her father? Why does one daughter show irritation toward her and the other swear of parenting altogether?
She also shows no awareness of her actions. She works as a prostitute for years and talks of how lucrative it is then accepts public housing when she hasn’t paid tax on her earnings for decades?
She needs help and not from a shaman, from a BPD specialist psychologist.
Her poor daughters. And poor readers wasting all these hours
Carla blames everyone for everything, the pages are just perceived slights and hurts strung together, yet through it all no acknowledgment of any of the hurts she causes others - her husband, daughters, friends, presumably family on publication. She is completely self absorbed and ascribes a level of importance to herself and actions that isn’t apparent to the reader - for example she is a prostitute as an act of service to god?
She glosses over everything that might actually be interesting. How did her family feel about her father? Why does one daughter show irritation toward her and the other swear of parenting altogether?
She also shows no awareness of her actions. She works as a prostitute for years and talks of how lucrative it is then accepts public housing when she hasn’t paid tax on her earnings for decades?
She needs help and not from a shaman, from a BPD specialist psychologist.
Her poor daughters. And poor readers wasting all these hours
May 29, 2017
I did not condemn the author for her life, nor the decisions she made. But I did wonder a lot about how consciously informed she was about the steps she had taken when she made them and how they were evaluated later on. It seems a lot of her life was understood in a kind of late-awakening retrospect that demonstrates carelessness and a lack of foresight or enquiry even as a young woman. But, wow! what a set of discoveries she made.
Like many books about convent life, this one echoes the same sorrowful stories about young women who enter the life in a state of innocence and naivety only to discover nuns are pretty much like anyone else when it comes to power games, sex and human emotions. The bizarre contrasts between vocation as an ideal and an institutional practice hammer home, once again, that the religious life is primarily a political phenomenon, rife with class distinctions, subtle bullying and the impossible denial of our instincts and our needs for their satisfaction.
Like many books about convent life, this one echoes the same sorrowful stories about young women who enter the life in a state of innocence and naivety only to discover nuns are pretty much like anyone else when it comes to power games, sex and human emotions. The bizarre contrasts between vocation as an ideal and an institutional practice hammer home, once again, that the religious life is primarily a political phenomenon, rife with class distinctions, subtle bullying and the impossible denial of our instincts and our needs for their satisfaction.
February 17, 2019
The only other work I have read by a nun was an Irish sister who worked in India with Mother Theresa but left somewhat disillusioned by the discrete role of carrying the donations for her. This story is quite different. As a young girl Carla migrated from Holland to Australia and spent a number of years living on school grounds where her father worked, she and her siblings schooled elsewhere of the same faith. During this time she feels compelled to become a nun, which finds her shifting across the grounds on completion of the second last year of school. She describes why this extension of family life seemed so necessary to her, and why it was less challenging than other options she did not even consider at the time. It is a long slow path of trying not to be too challenged. Then life takes on completely different directions but still slowly coming to terms within herself with what it really means to be alive. Definitely a tale of it takes as long as it takes.
July 24, 2018
Throughout the book, my only reaction was "Wait, what?"
My sympathies to the memoir's author, Carla Van Raay who endured sexual abuse as a child by her own family member. The first part of the book is very convincing as she remembers the trauma that she went through during her childhood. Then she joins the convent with mere innocence. Later, illustrating her spiritual life, self-discovering phase and revealing wrongdoings behind the convent's closed gates. The third part where we see Carla's demise into prostitution is extremely ridiculous and uninspiring, with implausible reasoning.
Instances in the book fail to enlighten rational thought. Although I support the idea of claiming freedom from sexual oppression, it seems 'God's Callgirl' goes to the other extreme, claiming that the repressed sexual desires create nymphomaniacs. Overall the book was a tedious read.
My sympathies to the memoir's author, Carla Van Raay who endured sexual abuse as a child by her own family member. The first part of the book is very convincing as she remembers the trauma that she went through during her childhood. Then she joins the convent with mere innocence. Later, illustrating her spiritual life, self-discovering phase and revealing wrongdoings behind the convent's closed gates. The third part where we see Carla's demise into prostitution is extremely ridiculous and uninspiring, with implausible reasoning.
Instances in the book fail to enlighten rational thought. Although I support the idea of claiming freedom from sexual oppression, it seems 'God's Callgirl' goes to the other extreme, claiming that the repressed sexual desires create nymphomaniacs. Overall the book was a tedious read.
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