Counselling for Toads

by Robert De Board, Kenneth Grahame

Over 3 million copies sold worldwide and translated into seven languages! For over 25 years Counselling for Toads has provided readers with a warm and engaging introduction to counselling, brought to life by Toad and his friends from Kenneth Grahame’s The Wind in the Willows . Over the course of ten sessions, which correspond to chapters of the book, a very depressed Toad learns how to analyse his own feelings and develop his emotional intelligence using the language and ideas of transactional analysis. He meets his 'rebellious child' and his 'adult' along the way and by the end of the book, Toad is setting out on a completely new adventure – as debonair as he ever was. Readers will learn about the counselling process and themselves as they join Toad on his journey from psychological distress to psychological growth and development. A must-read for anyone approaching counselling for the first time, whether as a student or as a client, or for the professional counsellor looking for something to recommend to the hesitant.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Counselling, Mental Health, Personal Development, Audiobook

164 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1983

Reviews

[Vui Lên · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bản dịch tiếng Việt là " Chàng cóc đi gặp bác sĩ tâm lý"

Một cuốn sách nhiều kiến thức thú vị về phân tâm học, được diễn giải rất dễ hiểu. Hoàn toàn dễ đọc dù bạn không biết gì về tâm lý hoặc Gió qua rặng liễu (như mình)

Bạn bè nhận ra chàng Cóc có nhiều dấu hiệu của trầm cảm và rồi giới thiệu cậu tới gặp bác Diệc, người thực hành trị liệu theo trường phái phân tâm học của Freud.

Những khái niệm như bản năng (id), siêu tôi (super ego), cái tôi (ego) được bác Diệc hình tượng hoá rất đơn giản và dễ hiểu. Bên cạnh tạo ra không gian an toàn để Cóc có thể thoải mái giải bày thì việc bác thường xuyên giải thích về thuật ngữ tâm lý một cách gần gũi (psychoeducational) cũng khiến Cóc và người đọc có thể theo được những tiến trình tâm lý phức tạp.

Những tổn thương quá khứ, hệ quả của việc không có khả năng thấu hiểu cảm xúc, tương quan giữa mình và người được lồng ghép khéo léo trong 11 phiên tham vấn giúp Cóc có thể chậm rãi đi một hành trình về tuổi thơ để chữa lành tổn thương của hiện tại.

Mình nghĩ ai đang làm công việc giáo dục, giúp đỡ người khác, và cả những người muốn tìm hiểu về tuổi thơ thì đều nên dành thời gian cho cuốn sách này.

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I started reading "Counselling for Toad" I was in the middle of a counselling course, this book was part of the reading list. Counselling for Toad includes the characters and previous story of the classic "Wind in the Willows" The author, through beautiful writing had bought the characters to life just as they did in the original story. Toad is suffering with depression which results in him seeking the help of a counsellor. They use transactional analysis to work though Toad's depression. Having suffered with depression myself I was able to relate to Toads journey, the tears, the denial and the realisation of what has bought you (or Toad on this book) to be suffering with depression and subsequently seeking the help of a counsellor.
The relationship with Toad and Heron (his counsellor) grows as the story is told and the relationships with his friends change and evolve as Toad recovers from his depression becoming a different version of himself.
I would recommend this book to anyone whether you are studying counselling, suffering with depression or know someone who is suffering with depression. It is moving and a enjoyable read.

[Claire Vu]

Gần đây, mình tình cờ đọc được 2 câu quote rất hay về chữa lành.

Câu đầu tiên đại khái là: You won't always get the answers or apologies for the things that hurt you. Heal anyway. (Tạm dịch: Không phải lúc nào bạn cũng nhận được câu trả lời hay lời xin lỗi cho những gì đã tổn thương bạn. Dù vậy thì vẫn phải chữa lành chính mình đi).

Câu thứ hai là: Đứa trẻ bên trong của bạn bây giờ đã có thể nương tựa vào bạn rồi.

Mình đọc được 2 câu này ở 2 thời điểm khác nhau, nhưng mình nghĩ chúng thật phù hợp để nói về Ngài Cóc đi gặp bác sĩ tâm lý

Cuốn sách mở ra với việc một người bạn phát hiện ra nhân vật Ngài Cóc đang ở trạng thái rất rất tệ với những triệu chứng của trầm cảm, thậm chí là suicidal ideation (ý định tự tử). Dù không hiểu chính xác chuyện gì đang xảy ra và nguyên nhân, nhóm bạn vẫn quyết định thuyết phục Ngài Cóc đi gặp Ông Diệc - một bác sĩ tâm lý. Cuốn sách chủ yếu tập trung miêu tả trải nghiệm của 10 buổi trị liệu giữa 2 nhân vật này.

Giá trị lớn nhất của cuốn sách nằm ở chỗ nó giúp người đọc hình dung được cái gì diễn ra trong quá trình trị liệu tâm lý. Mình biết có những người ngại đi gặp bác sĩ tâm lý vì sợ. Mà nỗi sợ đến từ việc không biết điều gì đang chờ đợi, liệu nó có kinh khủng không.

Thông qua một câu chuyện hư cấu, cụ thể là qua những cuộc tham vấn tâm lý giữa Ngài Cóc và Ông Diệc, tác giả đã khéo léo lồng ghép các khái niệm vốn dĩ khô khan, phức tạp, để giải thích về bệnh trầm cảm một cách dễ hiểu, kể cả cho những người không có kiến thức nền tảng về chủ đề này. Tác giả đặc biệt nhấn mạnh ảnh hưởng của trải nghiệm thời thơ ấu lên sự hình thành con người khi lớn lên.

Nhân vật Ngài Cóc trong truyện đã trải qua một tuổi thơ không êm đềm. Và những ký ức ấy, dẫu được chôn rất sâu, vẫn ám ảnh anh đến tận sau này. Nhưng người gây tổn thương cho anh đã không còn trên đời nữa. Đồng nghĩa với việc anh sẽ không bao giờ được nhận lời xin lỗi hay lời giải thích từ người ấy. Nhưng để sống tiếp thì vẫn phải "heal anyway" mà, đúng không? Vậy Ông Diệc sẽ làm thế nào để giúp Ngài Cóc chữa lành đứa trẻ bên trong?

Liên quan đến câu quote thứ 2 mình nhắc đến ở trên, khi còn nhỏ, trẻ con phải phụ thuộc vào người lớn, nên chúng không thể kiểm soát được những gì kinh khủng xảy đến với chúng (trong sách cũng nhắc đến việc này). Nhưng khi lớn lên, chúng vẫn có cơ hội trở thành người mà ngày bé chúng luôn cần. Như trong truyện là việc Ngài Cóc "lớn" đi trị liệu tâm lý, bước vào một hành trình phản tư, và tự kết nối với bản thân, từ đó chữa lành Ngài Cóc "bé".

Cuốn sách này KHÔNG dành cho những ai còn chưa coi trầm cảm là có thật. Thay vào đó, sách dành cho những người công nhận sự tồn tại của căn bệnh này và muốn tìm kiếm nguyên nhân và giải pháp chữa trị.

Điều cuối cùng mình muốn nhấn mạnh, đấy là chỉ đọc sách không thì chưa đủ để chữa trị, vì nếu thế bác sĩ tâm lý ra chuồng gà hết à. Nhưng sách sẽ chỉ cho bạn một con đường, và bạn sẽ biết rằng vì sao mình nên đi theo con đường đó.

[hương quỳnh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hay và dễ thưn quá à 😚 mình thích cách tác giả lồng quá trình trị liệu tâm lý vào một câu chuyện thiếu nhi kinh điển. Giải thích một vài khái niệm trong phân tâm học của Freud cũng khéo léo và dễ hiểu lắm lun. Ngài Cóc bị trầm cảm và toàn bộ quyển sách là những buổi tham vấn với bác sĩ tâm lý để tìm hiểu những tổn thương từ quá khứ. Nhưng câu chuyện rất nhẹ nhàng, cảm giác nó vừa phải, ko làm độc giả bị ngợp. Bác sĩ Diệc (hay tác giả 🤷‍♀️) đã dẫn dắt Cóc để Cóc tự hiểu mình và giải quyết vấn đề của mình. Đúng là những người uyên bác thì có khả năng giải thích những lý thuyết, thuật ngữ theo cách rất đơn giản. Ai đọc cũng dc, ko có kiến thức tâm lý học và ko bik gì về Freud đọc chắc cũng dc luôn.

Nói chung là có ích với mình. Mình thích 👍

[Tweedledum · Rating 5 out of 5]

A curious concoction , a mashup of The Wind n the Willows characters with counselling lore- “games people play” and so on. Certainly more entertaining than reading a standard textbook on the subject ,the author uses the characters as a diversion from the semi- serious analysis that goes on as Toad progresses through his counselling experience.

By using the fictional toad Robert de Board enables the reader to maintain some distance from personal insights that may emerge and reflect safely on them. I, for example, was able to re-evaluate some recent family trauma and see it in a more positive light.

I’ve read so much over the years and forgotten much of what I’ve read as well as experiencing formal counselling , studying counselling and offering active listening to others, but none of that prepared me for the devastation of living with the mental breakdown of a close family member who veered between “you’re ok I’m not ok “ to “I’m ok you’re not ok “ in rapid and often frightening ways . Now I have some distance from that time this little book with its powerful metaphors has proved helpful in helping me recast the whole experience.

[Mika · Rating 2 out of 5]

Counselling for Toads is a book that shouldn't be taken too serious, especially concerning how therapies in real life work. I saw myself agreeing to many aspects of what the Heron (the therapist) said, but I often had the feeling like it could have been said and structured in a better way for the therapy.

The therapy methods aren't ones you will find in a real therapy session. The methods are a bit unrealistic as one can not accomplish a full recovery (especially if they feel suicidal) in just ten sessions. Of course it depends how good the methods work, but it felt a bit rushed that Toad just felt great again after the therapy sessions had just a few of many ways to help someone discussed (I do understand that depending on the needs of the client that each therapy session can look individually different, but this just looked like a book that tries to have a happy ending even though Toads development made a jump that made no sense for me). The methods were on such a surface level as I already knew about them and I believe many others do too without having to read this book and it just felt to me personally like it wouldn't really help anyone. (Read below to find out which methods there are).

The whole book is about three different egos, which explains how one acts towards other people and oneself and the way they might progress with their life or stop learning. (The child ego, the parent ego and the adult ego). After that Toad is getting teached of ‘games’ that form ones own life position. Either they are using it to either make themselves feel smaller and more miserable or by taking power and control over someone else (or by not playing games at all, which means taking no advantage of anyone). The way these methods were described were unprofessional and sometimes seemed to be even false. There were unprofessional words that seemed to be made-up for the novel and not truly psychological, for instance,

‘NIGYYSOB’.
‘What on earth is that?’ asked Toad.
‘It is the initial letters of the name of the game. They stand for “Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a Bitch”.’

It just couldn't be taken seriously by me and it felt so odd that I couldn't but dislike this. Also, the way each method got introduced and explained was a bit odd too. The so called 'games' was a wrong wording in my opinion. The 'games' can be games, but isn't excluded to be just games. As one needs to do it intentionally for it to be called a game and since many people talk bad about themselves it's not really a game but more of a wrong mindset and wrong response to certain feelings of oneself. In general, I would have phrased many things differently as the way it got phrased sometimes gave me the feeling like they were wrongly interpreted from the author who wrote this.

Lastly, I think it's wrong to say that one ‘chooses’ how to feel. Yes, we all can develop if wanted emotional control, but that still doesn't mean that you can ‘choose’ how you feel. Feelings or rather emotions are the result of chemical reactions to the brain. You can not ‘choose’ how you want to feel in the moment therefore as it's a chemical reaction that can't be stopped just controlled to not have an emotional outburst for example.

(+ Why did the therapist say that children can't think logical. That makes no sense. Without being able to think logical it wouldn't make sense to send them to Kindergarten to learn things since they are ‘just emotionally thinking and can't turn on their brain to think logically’. Yes, children are quite emotional but that doesn't mean that they can't learn, otherwise their brain wouldn't develop and they wouldn't be able to speak or walk.)

[Paul · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good stuff ... as a nutta it really helped me :)

[Hạt Tiêu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ngài Cóc đi gặp Bác sỹ Tâm Lý
Mình rất thích quyển này. Mỗi buổi t�� vấn tâm lý không chỉ giúp Toad (Cóc), nhân vật đang chịu những tổn thương tinh thần, mà còn giúp mình hiểu hơn về bản thân, về mọi người xung quanh mình, giúp mình hồi tưởng lại tuổi thơ, phân loại được những phản ứng tâm lý (là Child Ego, Parent Ego, hay Adult) và có câu trả lời cho nhiều điều mình vẫn ko rõ tại sao (VD: tại sao TL lại trở thành một người lớn chưa bao giờ lớn, tại sao mình và mẹ vẫn còn có lúc nghĩ và nói làm tổn thương nhau). Hơn hết mình ý thức nhiều hơn vai trò siêu quan trọng của cha mẹ trong những năm đầu đời có thể quyết định sự phát triển cảm xúc/tâm lý/tinh thần của con trong nhiều năm sau đó. Mình highly recommend các bạn đọc quyển này nếu bạn đang là con, là cha, là mẹ!
Điểm trừ lớn nhất theo mình là setting ngụ ngôn của truyện hơi nhập nhằng. Lúc thì cảm giác rất rõ ngụ ngôn, lúc thì thấy hơi gượng ép. Một vài chi tiết không được liên kết chặt chẽ lắm (VD Cóc có kể về ký ức với các cháu, nhưng bản thân Cóc là con một không có anh em ruột, và suốt câu chuyện cũng không thấy nhắc gì tới anh em họ). Bên cạnh đó, nhiều sự kiện như sự thay đổi của các bạn của Cóc mình nghĩ nên được tả thêm, vì ko rõ lắm điều gì đã dẫn đến những thay đổi ấy (mình tạm cho là kiểu “đời thay đổi khi ta thay đổi”)
Hơi hiếu kỳ bản tiếng Việt “Ngài Cóc Đi Gặp Bác Sỹ Tâm Lý” lại dày đến hơn 300 trang trong khi quyển tiếng Anh khá ngắn 160 trang. Văn viết British English mình đọc đoạn đầu chưa quen nhưng về sau khá ổn. Mình có nghe sách nói tiếng Anh, giọng đọc và giọng nhân vật khá hay!

[Bao · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cuốn sách là quá trình tham vấn tâm lý của chàng Cóc với bác Diệc. Xuyên suốt cuốn sách tập trung nói nhiều về bộ ba trạng thái cái tôi, tầm quan trọng của cảm xúc, sự ảnh hưởng của những năm tháng đầu đời lên cuộc sống hiện tại và sơ đồ vị thế sống.

Bộ ba trạng thái cái tôi trong sách làm mình liên tưởng tới ba trạng thái cái tôi được học ở trường Vui Lên. Sách có nhắc đến khuôn mẫu cảm xúc, cách xử lý cảm xúc đúng cách chớ không nên chối bỏ, ngó lơ hay đè nén nó. Về sự ảnh hưởng của những năm đầu đời thì quan điểm của cuốn này khá là đối lập với cuốn Dám bị ghét. Mình khá thích sơ đồ vị thế sống vì nó giúp mình nhìn nhận lại bản thân và hiểu hơn hành vi của mình.

[Yujie · Rating 5 out of 5]

[WeRead]

花了三个月的时间才把这本小书读完，中间还穿插读完了原著柳林风声 (The Wind in the Willows)。阅读过程中时不时会不由自主地停下来，仔细回溯自己的童年经历和它们给我留下的印记。也曾边读边流泪，曾经经历过的和这几个月的低谷心情让我对蛤蟆先生完全地感同身受。蛤蟆先生康复了、成长了，我也可以。

1. “蛤蟆现在脏兮兮的样子背后，是精神和内心经历的重大变化。”
2. “鼹鼠敏锐地觉察到，蛤蟆不是不想，而是没法帮助自己。”
3. “他强迫自己每天都要去散步，可即使沐浴在冬日暖阳里，他所看到的一切也都像黑白照片一般，失去了往日的色彩。”
4. “必须完成的事情，唯有靠他自己才能完成。蛤蟆越来越清楚地认识到，他最好尽快‘长大成人’。“
5. “他从未有意识地用这样的方式来看待过自己的情绪，所以很难用语言来形容，更别提对别人说了。”
6. “... 觉察到了自己的种种想法和感受。渐渐地，他开始在很多方面探索和审视自己。”
7. “就和所有愤怒的人一样，獾从来不会倾听别人，只想摆出一副教导者的样子，批评别人的短处。”
8. “‘适应型儿童’的所有行为里，怄气是最能说明怎样用时间来稀释愤怒的例子。通常这是孩子在权威之下无法随心所欲才做出的反应。”
9. “‘成人自我状态 (Adult Ego State)’指我们用理性而不是情绪化的方式来行事。它让我们能应对此时此地正在发生的现实状况。... 在这个状态下，我们能计划、考虑、决定、行动，我们能理性而合理地行事。处于这个状态时，我们所有的知识和技能都能为自己所用，而不再被脑子里父母过去的声音所驱使，也不会被童年的情绪所围困。相反，我们能思考当下的状况，基于事实来决定要怎么做。”
10. “当你处在‘父母状态’时，... 你都在用言行重复从父母那里学来的观念和价值观，你会想证明给别人看，让别人接受你的观念和价值观。这种确信无疑的状态，就没法给新知识和新理念留出一席之地。旧的思想主宰着你，这就是为什么单靠争论不能改变一个人的想法，只会让人更固执己见。”
11. “所谓活得真实，就是真诚地回应当下的需求。这能打破从童年延续而来的因果循环，让真实的自我摆脱过去经历的束缚，在自由中成为真正的自己。”
12. “你觉得自己是好的，也相信别人是好的，那就得靠行为和态度持续地对自己和别人展示出来。”
13. “‘我好；你也好’其实是一种发自内心信念的行为。”
14. “无论何时，只要我们的情绪真正获得理解，就能有成长的机会。”
15. “情商真正的意思 ... 是理解你内心的情感世界，并且还能掌控它。”
16. “高情商的人，... 他们都有强大的自我意识，了解自己的情感。他们能管理情绪，能从悲伤和不幸中重新振作。但也许最重要的是，他们能控制冲动，也懂得延迟满足，从而避免轻率的决定和不妥的行为。”
17. “情商（也）和理解别人有关，一个高情商的人能辨识他人的感受，这种技能称为‘共情’。”
18. “情感智力能让你在自我成长和完善的路上走得更远，因为它将带你从独立的个体走向共生的关系。”
19. “共生性则体现出成熟和自我接纳，还包括求同存异地接纳他人。”

[Catherine Davison · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being a longtime fan of Kenneth Grahame's Wind In The Wind ( I visited his home in Edinburgh to see the plaque), I was at first irritated by how Grahame's characters had been "misappropriated" for this treatise on Transactional Analysis. However as I read on I began to recognise that de Board was doing something quite clever and gentle. He managed to impart the wisdom of transactional psychology through the gentle medium of a children's tale.
I remember back in the 70s when the "I'm ok, you're not ok" books came out, with their orange dust jackets. I didn't read them as I was just a kid but now after reading Counselling for Toads I understand why those books were published and how they allowed people to gain an understanding of themselves and their interactions with others.
While much of the information offered in Counselling For Toads was familiar to me there was also much in it which made me go " oh yeah, that's why" about myself. I recommend this book to anyone who is remotely interested in furthering, deepening, their understanding of their own thoughts, behaviour and reactions to others.
The part about managers in the workplace bullying their staff was especially recognisable, and how one can choose to respond to such a situation better was very useful.

[Yuekun Liu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Classic and affectionate.

This is the first book that makes me genuinely happy this year! Anyone who reads this will get healed with Mr. Toad. The counselor helps Mr. Toad to understand his behavior by getting in touch with his own emotions. The book shows that people’s various behaviors are out of the three ego states: parents, child, and adult. Whilst each ego state has its value for living, only the adult one—the one that enables us to deal with the reality happening here-and-now—gives you strength and courage to assert your own authority and act independently. Also, to better understand people’s behaviors, the counselor explains the life positions people choose to take.

Feeling much brighter and lighter, I would highly recommend this book to anyone!

[Megan Legg · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me by a psychologist and I’m really glad I read it. Based on the characters of the Wind and the Willows, it explores the concepts and ideas behind transactional analysis. Psychology books can sometimes ramble and become overwhelming. But by basing the information on the stories of well known characters, I was able to understand the ideas easily. My only criticism really is that the book was short and I was eager to explore more of the counselling method. While I learnt lots throughout the book, I felt like it ended just as i was getting into it.

I’m starting to get back into reading and i found this book nice and easy to read.

[Colin Gan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great little novel on transactional analysis applied to Toad of Toad Hall

It is easy to understand, though sometimes it appears the author is writing more to explain TA than keeping in the spirit of Wind in the Willows. The final chapter makes up for the shortcomings.

[Jie Hui · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good introduction (though too short) to counseling process and transactional analysis used in therapy. Gave some food for thought and acted as a starter for further exploration. It is written as a easy-to-read story so a lot of the concepts are not fully explained.

[Sara Chen · Rating 5 out of 5]

學習自我覺察、跟著成長的感覺。謝謝Joy

[Zoe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cute little book about therapy and some basic psychological ideas. I think it’d be good for someone who is trying to find out what therapy does.

[Amuno · Rating 5 out of 5]

หนังสือแนวจิตวิทยาที่อ่านง่ายมาก แต่เนื้อหาสาระคืออัดแน่น ตัวเอกในเล่มชื่อคุณคางคกผู้มีปมในใจตัวเอง มาปรึกษาคุณนกกระสานักจิตบำบัด ในเล่มสอนให้เรารู้จักตั้งคำถามกับตัวเอง สอนให้เรารู้จักสภาวะที่ตัวเองเป็นอยู่ ทำให้เราได้มองย้อนไปในอดีตเพื่อแก้ไขการมองโลกซึ่งเป็นปัญหาของเราเอง
คำถามที่คุณนกกระสาถามคางคก ก็เป็นเราที่ถามตัวเองไปพร้อมๆ กัน
หนังสือไม่ได้ชี้นำว่าการเป็นแบบไหนถูกหรือผิด แต่เน้นไปที่การมองตัวเองให้ออกมากกว่า
ใครที่รู้สึกว่าตัวเองกำลังประสบกับปัญหาอะไรบางอย่างในชีวิตอยู่ ทำให้ก้าวต่อไปได้ยาก เราว่าหนังสือเล่มนี้ช่วยได้เยอะจริงๆ อาจจะไม่ถึงขนาดเราไปพบนักจิตวิทยาเอง แต่อย่างน้อยก็ทำให้เรารู้จักตัวเองและเข้าใจตัวเองมากขึ้น

[Emma Boylan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I spotted this on the reading list for a coaching course I'm doing and it sounded interesting so I borrowed it from the library. It's a fun way to introduce counselling, using the story of Toad from Wind in the Willows.

[Mook Woramon · Rating 5 out of 5]

เป็นหนังสือเล่าเรื่องกระบวนการจิตบำบัดที่สนุก ดีงาม แฮปปี้เอนดิ้งมากกก

การเล่าเรื่องผ่านสรรพสัตว์ทำให้ทุกอย่างดูซอฟต์ลงและอ่านง่าย ทำให้คนอ่านได้สำรวจจิตใจตัวเองไปด้วยและเข้าใจพฤติกรรมคนอื่นมากขึ้น

คุณคางคกเป็นโรคซึมเศร้า ไปพบนักจิตบำบัดคือคุณนกกระสา 🐸🦩

คุณนกกระสาเริ่มกระบวนการจิตบำบัด ตั้งคำถามให้คุณคางคกสำรวจจิตใจตนเอง วิเคราะห์ปมในวัยเด็ก สะท้อนตัวตนปัจจุบันของคุณคางคกออกมา และส่งเสริมให้คุณคางคกเป็นตัวเองแบบที่มีความสุขกว่าเดิม

ขณะอ่านเราเองก็เหมือนกำลังตอบคำถามคุณนกกระสาอยู่เหมือนกัน อะไรที่ส่งผลต่อตัวตนในปัจจุบัน ทำอย่างไรให้เป็นตัวเองในเวอร์ชั่นที่ดีกว่าเดิม

อ่านจบแล้วจะเข้าใจตัวเองและคนอื่นมากขึ้นแน่นอน!!

[Rogii · Rating 4 out of 5]

How I would summarize the book:

Counselling for Rogii: A Childhood Trauma Discovery.

It's like being lead into a phycological journey and self discovering about why you are who you are, and what are the determining factors.

[Malltta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Απλά υπέροχο βιβλίο! Ευχάριστο και πολύ αληθινό

[Kayla Wang · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short read but warming and comforting. The explanation on psychology is easy to understand, but could be deeper.

[True Blue · Rating 2 out of 5]

Kiểu đối thoại vs nhà tâm lý giống cuốn này thì lúc trước mình có đọc cuốn "Dám bị ghét " của 2 tác giả người Nhật "Kishimi Ichiro" và "Koga Fumitake" thì cuốn này thua xa

[Qiao Yun · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am a toad, croakady-croak-croak.

Read this at the end of my journey walking of out one of my life biggest emotional breakdowns. I loved how this book is written like those folk tales you read when you were a child. During those counselling session, I couldn't help but tear up with Toady upon those hard questions and sentences that made so much sense in me which I never noticed.

Although some ideas have previously been known to me, but it's always good to revise it :) new ideas on top of that have been italicised

Revising old ideas
- Emotionally, no one can help you if you yourself are not into helping yourself
- Do not deny yourself of your emotions, ignoring/suppressing them is like an amputation. So, get in touch, and understand your feelings.
‘you realise that your feelings are not optional extras that can be ignored, but they are the very centre of your self.’
- being responsible for your own feelings/emotions
(a) No one can force you to feel anything unless they use force/coercion
(b) "Collusion" - where we cooperate with others to create our own unhappiness, where losing is in the winning’ + “self-fulfilling prophecy”, unconsciously making it happen
(c) Responsibility over actions - both will make you realise that you have the power to change your situation, and yourself.
- There can be no stronger criticism than self-criticism. And no harsher judge than ourselves,’ (self reminder to not to be the one pulling yourself down.. funny how I always believed that I will be the one who is strictest and harshest to myself)
- To evolve emotionally is hard work (conscious thought), takes courage, and determination. If you’re always in the CES/PES, we behave unthinkingly because it’s like being on autopilot mode.


New concepts that I loved

- Forms of anger which includes sulking, where force of anger is reduced but the duration is prolonged. I had an interesting conversation with my friend regarding this issue and discussed the dangers of it - if all of us are boxes that fill up with toxic gas when have a tantrum, the ones that release it with less force are prone to being emotionally overloaded as the speed of releasing negativity is not fast enough before another tantrum appears.
- Child Ego State (CES) : how we coped/adapted to our childhood environments when we were young. We pick up strategies for living, and behaviours to cope with parents and others. Lucky ones have energy left to enjoy life - ouch :”), remembering someone said 不幸的人用一輩子治癒童年
- Parent Ego State (PES) : either being critical or nurturing. We repeat words and behaviours, beliefs and values that we’ve learnt from our parents. No space for growth as old ideas remain supreme, and the act of changing them simply makes them more entrenched.
- Parents are only human and the pass on beliefs and behaviours as surely as their genes.
- Adult Ego State: where you start to have independent thinking, the only stage where growth is stimulated
- If you think life is a stage, it’s more like acting out your ‘life-script’(from whatever we’ve picked from CES/PES) whenever possible
- Being authentic is to respond genuinely of demands in the present moment, breaking the chain of cause&effect, which will give you the freedom to be who you really are (unshackling from the past)
-“ok/not ok” 2x2 graph, where angry people are always in the ‘I’m ok, you’re not ok’ and resonate their behaviour to chastise others.

(bonus) grateful for
- having someone really listening to you with undivided attention
(Unsure if it was really that bad, of if he was in his PES & never noticed when people offered to listen?)

All in all, I love. this. book. The presentation of ideas, the flow, the writing, and the occasional charts that fit in a folk-like story is just beautiful.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very clever. The original characters were stretched a bit to fit the authors narrative, and he did contradict himself a couple of times, but it was very enjoyable and a nice conclusion to the original story.

[Ling Li · Rating 4 out of 5]

The depict of counselling sessions is good. However, the narrative tone is getting a bit dull when reaching the midway.
I love what the therapist Heron pointed out at the end of their session -- In counselling, learning is always a two-way process, although we each learn different things.

[Christina Hirko · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone unfamiliar with the Winds in the Willow story and characters, I still could recognize "Ok, this is taking existing characters to ease readers into these psychological ideas and practices, so as to present them in a story setting. That said, I can't comment on how well or not the characters are represented to their origins; BUT, I still found the characters enjoyable and quite easily I could gather what their characteristics were and I never felt like I was completely lost having not read the original book(s?). So, then the content left for me to remark on is the actual therapy practices themselves. I'm not a professional therapist nor did I major in psychology, so I can't say whether these techniques or way of thinkings are contested or whatnot, but as someone with major depression who is has gone through several therapy sessions, I can say that I found this book far more successful at explaining why therapists take on that always irritating "How does that make you feel? What do you think the reason is?" Heron explained himself well and engaged with Toad, and the book also still did not make out Heron to be "all-knowing with no flaws, anything Toad gets upset at is completely his fault!" like, the ending implies that Heron learned from Toad as Toad learned from Heron and that to me showed a nice sign of a good relationship between a counselor and patient. The concepts in this book were new to me and gave me a lot to think on, with both the "stages" and the "Adult/Parent/Child"; I think this is a great book for those like me who are depressed and seeking readings to help find some answers within themselves, as it's a good beginning into the self-reflection and emotional intelligence journey without bein too heavy in both concepts and vocabulary!

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Plot: Counselling for Toads was a really interesting book which I spotted on the shelf of an a shelf in an adorable holiday cottage which I stayed in over the summer. The plot focuses on the traditional character ‘Toad’ from the wind in the willows and explores in a fiction narrative the psychological problems which effect Toad within the story. This was a really interesting plot, I was expecting more of an essay structure and it was clear that the author had done his research and had psychological evidence but had then turned this into an interesting story while exploring his research. It followed well of the classic story and provided a great in sight into, what I think is often considered the least favourable character.

Characters: You really get a deep understanding of toad from this novel. You see what acts as his motivation to act in his reckless manor and also gain understanding of how his character may have been shaped. Allowing a great deal of character development which is unseen previously.

The therapist in the novel was also interesting to see, it was interesting to see a counselling session be adapted to the life style of the wind in the willows. I also found the counselling methods he had to be interesting to read about and his character definitely reflected that of a counsellor.

Structure: The plot followed a traditional chronological structure, with short passages of Toads own recollections and flash backs and this was a nice read and meant that you could easily progress through Toads healing with him. It could have been interesting however to have side passages of research or analysis but this would completely change the tone of the novel.

[Clyde Yang · Rating 4 out of 5]

it is a fairly interesting book, appears simple at the first glance but offers lots of food for thoughts. enjoyed the discussion about how we are going to project our negative feelings to others under the Critical parent state. really a good book to push myself to self-reflect on a lot of things.