Brief Lives of Idiots

by Ermanno Cavazzoni, Jamie Richards (Translator)

A parody of the Lives of the Saints from the Middle Ages, Ermanno Cavazzoni’s Brief Lives of Idiots offers us a perfect month of portraits of idiots drawn from real life, from overly realist writers to fringe-belief obsessives, punctuated every seventh day with a litany of suicides—failed, foolish, or fatal to others. This roll call extends the ridiculous to melancholic extremes, introducing us to such exemplary fools as the father and husband unable to recognize his own family, the Marxist convinced that Christ was an extraterrestrial, the would-be saint who finds a private martyrdom through the torturous confinement of a pair of ill-fitting leather oxfords, and the man who failed to realize that he had spent two years in a concentration camp. This is a display of a myriad idiocy, blissful and baneful, discovered and achieved by hook or by crook, be it through paranoia, misapplied methodology, religious hallucination, or relentless diarrhea. But Cavazzoni engages in neither finger pointing nor celebration. If Saints can be counted, idiots cannot: idiocy is ultimately the human condition.

Genres: Fiction, Short Stories, Italy, Italian Literature, Contemporary, Literature, Literary Fiction

184 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1994

About the author

Ermanno Cavazzoni, nato a Reggio Emilia nel 1947, vive a Bologna. È autore di vari libri di narrativa: Le tentazioni di Girolamo (1991), I sette cuori (1992), Le leggende dei santi (1993), Vite brevi di idioti (1994), Cirenaica (1999, riedito come La valle dei ladri, 2014), Gli scrittori inutili (2002), Storia naturale dei giganti (2007), Il limbo delle fantasticazioni (2009), Guida agli animali fantastici (2011), Il pensatore solitario (2015), Gli eremiti del deserto (2016).
Per La nave di Teseo ha pubblicato La galassia dei dementi (2018), vincitore del Premio Campiello – selezione Giuria dei Letterati, e Storie vere e verissime (2019) e Il poema dei lunatici (nuova edizione 2020).
Nel corso degli anni ha collaborato con musicisti per i testi e per piccoli spettacoli, ha scritto testi teatrali, trasmissioni radio e film (sceneggiatura di La voce della luna di Federico Fellini, il documentario La vita come viaggio aziendale del 2006 finalista al festival di Amsterdam, la regia di Vacanze al mare 2014).
È stato, con Gianni Celati e altri, ideatore e curatore della rivista “Il semplice”.

Reviews

[Orsodimondo · Rating 3 out of 5]

VITE BREVI O RESPIRO CORTO?


”La voce della luna” di Federico Fellini, romanzo e sceneggiatura di Ermanno Cavazzoni. 1990.

Sono narrazioni brevi, ideali per essere piluccate, come un grappolo d'uva o un fritto di moscardini: ma al contrario della frittura, è meglio lasciarle raffreddare, rallentare la lettura, mettere spazio tra una e l'altra - a leggerle troppo in fretta, una tira l'altra, si rischia l'indigestione, si rischia di sentirsi presto saturi e annoiati.



Ho imparato che al mondo ci sono, e ci sono sempre stati, molti più idioti uomini che idioti donne - almeno nel mondo conosciuto da Cavazzoni: oppure, che l'idiozia maschile è più interessante dell'idiozia femminile, se non altro da un punto di vista letterario.
Ho sorriso qua e là, in qualche racconto mi è sembrato di scorgere una luce più luminosa che in altri, ma è sempre durata poco, e sfortunatamente non si è mai trasformata in un bel faro che aprisse squarci di conoscenza e/o riflessione.

Tutto molto leggero, anche per la scelta di ambientare tutte le storie in un passato un po' ovattato e nebuloso, privo di balzi e graffi e acuti.

[Glenn Russell]

Eccentric, comic, experimental - a trio of qualities attributed to Italian author Ermanno Cavazzoni. His writing certainly worked for me. I had an absolute blast reading his Brief Lives of Idiots, all thirty-one short chapters, one per idiot (actually, several chapters feature a batch of idiots sharing something in common).

One distinct characteristic of the idiots in Ermanno Cavazzoni's book: they have a particular behavior or take a specific action that's outside of convention and what passes for acceptable and normal. Take for example a Mr. Vacondio, husband and father, who was an enemy of speed, a man preoccupied with things like the incredible speed of the earth rotating around the sun. During the day at home or in his office, “he always kept his eyes half-shut and head down, like someone riding a motorcycle with the wind in his face. He even sat in his office chair like a biker, and always wore a neck scarf in summer and winter, tied very tightly so as not to catch a draft.” In Mr. Vacondio's mind, completely appropriate, since, after all, we're all going so fast and it is sound wisdom to acknowledge the truth.

Then there's a Mr. Pigozzi who lived in East Germany and didn't get along with his wife or his daughter. He read in the newspaper about a mechanical engineer who built a small airplane and fled to West Germany. Why not do the same? So Mr. Pigozzi set out to rig his Fiat 850, after sufficient modification, with wings so he could likewise fly over the border. Any bets on Mr. Pigozzi making it?

And there's Sauro Gallinari, a tenant farmer who lived with his mother along a country road. Gallinari kept a blood pressure gauge beside him in the field. He fancied himself a doctor, wore a white smock, and would rap the cuff around anybody willing to have him take their blood pressure. Sometimes he wrapped the cuff around the victim's arm, sometimes their leg, and began pumping up the cuff. He frequently did this on his mother but one day Gallinari got carried away and rapped the cuff around his mother's neck. He pumped it up. His mother tried to speak but she could only gag. Ah, Gallinari reasoned, problems with her blood pressure! So he pumped some more. The consequence? In the author's words, “It was deemed an erroneous application of first aid, for which he was acquitted of the charge of premeditated voluntary manslaughter; yet he was barred from the practice of medicine and all related activities, as he had no degree and wasn't licensed by the medical board.”

Among my favorite selections, there are short snips on suicides. Here's one example from each chapter:

WORKING SUICIDES - "A saleswoman at a fur shop locked herself in a closet full of mothballs one Saturday night. Since the shop was closed through Monday, she died from inhaling the fumes. A note cursing the shop owner was found beside her."

COLLATERAL SUICIDES: "On 10 September, an alcoholic lawyer who'd lost everything jumped off a bridge. But along with him fell a pensioner who had tried to hold him back. The pensioner drowned, whereas the lawyer was taken to shore still drunk and unconscious."

NEAR SUICIDES: "After a series of vocal cracks in March of 1982, a tenor locked himself in his dressing room and shot himself with a revolver. When they broke down the door he was alive because the gun was a prop gun. The tenor stated he hadn't known."

As translator Jamie Richards states in her introduction entitled LONG LIVE THE IDIOTS where she relates Cavazzoni's thinking on the subject, "The persistence of the idiot disavows the dream of progress, and modernity in all its mythic grandeur is revealed to be a chimera." She goes on to quote the author, "I see idiots as only more evident examples of the universal behavior of all people."

I'm confident you can come up a string of idiotic behavior you've heard about or witnessed firsthand. I vividly recall several idiots from my boyhood growing up at the New Jersey shore -

Freddie “Nitwit” Nickens would wait until a car came close then run across the highway, forcing the driver to slam on the breaks so as not to hit him.

When in fifth grade, Alan Smith read on his report card that he was being held back next year, he tore the report card into small pieces right there in class in front of his teacher and classmates.

Ben “The Moose” Thomas dove off the back of a 20' high dive at the local beach into water 3' deep. Fortunately, he didn't become a paraplegic.

Before the big high school football game with the Central Regional Eagles, as a way to pump up the team to Kill the Eagles, an assistant coach brought a live chicken into the locker room and cut off its head in front of the players. The players were made sick and the assistant coach had to write a letter of apology to the parents.

One hotheaded high school football coach punched a player from the other team in the face after the game. When the police came to the locker room to arrest him, he had his players hide him under a stack of football jerseys. Afterward, in court, the lawyer for the injured player said they would drop charges if he agreed never to coach football again. He agreed (thank goodness!).

I encourage everyone to give Ermanno Cavazzoni's book a read. Surely you'll have as much of a blast as I had.


Italian author Ermanno Cavazzoni, born 1945

[Autoclette · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the third book in translation that I have read by Cavazzoni. This one, like the others is light and breezy with poignancy upon scrutiny, and not without atmosphere. He seems to be an author with a style you either like or don't, but I find his originality and humor refreshing and surprising.

[Nathanimal · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was glad I’d read The Golden Legend not that long ago. As the translator says in the intro, this talks satirically back and forth to the lives of the saints: Saint as Idiot; Idiot and Saint. There are some interesting likenesses I would never have thought of. I am, in my own way, an idiot. If you’ve been following my reading life on Goodreads, you know this to be true. But I love my idiocy, as so many do. And I stand firm in the faith of my idiocy and am happy to suffer for my idiocy, and I look forward with hope to my idiocy visiting salvation upon my dunderhead.

[Atticus06 · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cesare Lombroso era nato nel 1835 e morì nel 1909. A un certo punto della sua vita si recò in Russia per avere uno scambio di idee con Leone Tolstoj, il famoso scrittore, ed eventualmente studiarlo. Ma Tolstoj non lo volle ricevere, dicendo che le sue teorie erano le teorie di un idiota. Quando questo gli fu riferito, Lombroso ne restò molto offeso; sfidò Tolstoj a provarlo statisticamente. Ma non ne ebbe risposta. Questo accadeva nel 1897

[Chuck LoPresti]

Monty Python meets Marcel Scwhob. What a great read this was. Masterful in tone - Cavazzoni gives an unblinking survey of idiots written in 1964. This review is being written in 2021 in a time where finding something distinguishing to say about idiots is quite the feat. Like Schwob, Cavazzoni demonstrates a depth of historical knowledge combined with literary observation that serves him quite well here. Darwin-award-deaths and religious fervor are all gently piled on the dull flame of the dimwits set ablaze on the pyre of pedestrian lives that would have simply been forgotten had Cavazzoni not raked their ashes out of the remains to be pissed on one last time. Raise your hand and ask your drill sergeant if you can be dismissed from marching up and down the square to read this book. Do your best to keep a straight face as long as possible and by the time you've had a moment of contemplation to reward yourself for finishing a book - you'll probably burst out in cathartic laughter. Either you'll have just realized that you're not THAT much of an idiot in comparison - or that even if you are - some smart-ass history student with an awesome dry sense of humor might immortalize you in a similar way. Go Wakefield Press go!

[Ettore1207 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Un Gianni Rodari per adulti (non che Gianni Rodari sia solo per bambini, però).

C'era un tale che si riteneva scrittore realista. Perciò scriveva tutto quello che gli capitava. Si chiamava Vincenzo, ma nel romanzo compariva col nome di Ernesto. Tutto ciò che faceva, lo faceva ai fini di scriverlo. Ad esempio si sedeva e guardava il soffitto; allora scriveva sul foglio: Ernesto all’improvviso si siede e guarda il soffitto. Poi non avendo molto altro da dire si metteva un dito su per il naso. Però non lo scriveva. Lo scriveva casomai in una forma più artistica. Ad esempio: Ernesto è pensieroso e lascia scorrere il tempo. Ciò significava che lui stava seduto al tavolo col dito nel naso. A volte stava così per un’ora. Questa la chiamava fase di stallo, in cui non c’erano fatti salienti da dire. Al massimo scriveva che Ernesto non riusciva a fissare i pensieri. In realtà nell’attesa, se non si puliva il naso, si puliva con il dito un orecchio. Ma non era un avvenimento da romanzo, neanche da romanzo realista qual era il suo. Questi son fatti che restano fuori dalla letteratura, anche ad esempio usare un’unghia come stuzzicadenti. Allora si alzava e scriveva: All’improvviso Ernesto si alza. Scriveva all’improvviso per dare più suggestione al romanzo. Però, appena alzato, il romanzo di nuovo era fermo. Non poteva tornarsi a sedere per non cadere in ripetizioni, così usciva di casa e scriveva che Ernesto era uscito di casa.
Il suo era un romanzo di fatti. Aveva già pensato anche al titolo; si sarebbe intitolato Ernesto. E nel risvolto della copertina pensava di scrivere: romanzo realista, per non confondersi coi romanzieri intimisti che parlano solo di fatti minori e di malattie, e si chiedono che cos’è la vita o cos’è il romanzo.
[...]

[Daniela Ramírez · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a great surprise . Portrays dynamic and spontaneous , creative but real stories at the same time . Gives rise to reflections on the life of characters who are crazy , coming to us, analyzing our behavior as sane It's a good way to get reflection through humor and wonder if we are not really mad, and our life is not another short story of an idiot .

[Alea · Rating 2 out of 5]

Le vite brevi di idioti raccontate da Cavazzoni sembrano dei limerick in prosa.
A me i limerick non hanno mai fatto né caldo né freddo.
Anzi, a dir la verità, m’hanno sempre fatto un po’ afflosciare (per usare un eufemismo, eh)

[Lance Grabmiller · Rating 3 out of 5]

An amusing parody of the lives of the Saints.

[Monty Milne · Rating 4 out of 5]

At first, this account of human folly in many different forms is entertainingly amusing. But there is more depth than meets the eye. The whole work is clearly meant to be a parody of the Lives of the Saints – in which there is indeed much to parody. Even as late as the seventeenth century lives of Teresa of Avila recorded the most absurd and fantastical details, such as that she would swell to the size of a balloon and float up to the treetops. But even believable descriptions of her mystical experiences suggest to me that she was clearly suffering from a variety of mental and physcial disorders. And yet I have no doubt that this did not stop her possessing wisdom and insight, and maybe even saintliness - of a kind.

When Dame Edna Everage was asked what made her laugh, she said “other peoples’ misfortunes, mainly.” We are amused at this, but in a slightly uncomfortable way, because we also recognise that there is a cruel edge to all humour. Perhaps this is why there is no laughter in the Bible (except for rare cases like Sarah, whose laughter is a mocking rejection of the divine promise).

These lives, brief as they are, gave rise to many different reactions in me as I read them. Amusement, of course, but tinged with the discomfort that sometimes the subjects were to be pitied rather than laughed at. There is something salutary about the idiots: we need them, so we can thank ourselves we are not that stupid. And we need them to invert reality and make it more bearable and understandable, as the Romans did in their Saturnalias, and the Jester at medieval courts. And, of course, Dostoyevsky’s Idiot Prince Myshkin – the greatest Holy Fool in literature. The last in particular reminding us that idiots also hold a mirror to ourselves. There are certainly times in my past life where I have been as great an idiot as many of those described here. (Thanks to my GR friend Graychin, whose excellent review of this book encouraged me to read it).

[Dylan Rock · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fine collection of tumb nail autobiographical stories of idiots and fools in parody of the style of medieval lives of saint's book. Similar to a mixture of Kafka and Marcel Schwob but wholly it's own

[Allison · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's good and I enjoyed reading it, but I can't help comparing to to Mynona, and my boi Mynona is so goooooood.

[James Tregonning · Rating 3 out of 5]

funnier in concept than execution

[Juan Fuentes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Idiotas que no encajan en la realidad retratados con cariño y un punto de ternura, pero sin concesiones. Hay cuentos muy buenos, pero en general se dejan leer, simplemente.

[mwr · Rating 5 out of 5]

OpLePo, no OuLePo.

IDK, there is nothing transformative here, but it struck me as a perfect little gem. One months worth of stories of human folly.

[Socrate · Rating 3 out of 5]

Domnul Pigozzi citise într-un ziar că un inginer mecanic din Germania de Est construise în 1976 un mic avion cu motor, din piese recuperate de la maşini vechi şi că fugise în Germania de Vest zburând cu el peste graniţă. Erau anii în care popoarele trăiau opresiunea comunismului.

  Şi, întrucât Pigozzi avea o maşină Fiat veche şi nu se înţelegea nici cu soţia, nici cu fiica, începuse să viseze că, într-o bună zi, o să pornească în zbor şi că n-o să se mai întoarcă niciodată. Era tehnician specialist şi se pricepea la motoare, în plus, se inspirase dintr-o enciclopedie geografică ilustrată. Ideea sa era să uşureze la maximum automobilul Fiat şi de aceea eliminase toate portierele şi întreaga caroserie. Scosese şi roţile din spate şi pusese în loc o rotiţă centrală, găsită pe la fiare vechi. Mutase pe centru scaunul şoferului şi acesta foarte mult uşurat şi înlăturase puntea şi axul de transmisie. Nu mai rămăsese decât motorul, pe cele două roţi din faţă şi o ţeava de care erau prinse scaunul şi rotiţa din spate. Dusese maşinăria la periferie, pe un teren deocamdată viran, întrucât se aştepta să iasă autorizaţia de construcţie. Lucra în apropierea unui atelier de dezmembrări auto, dar şeful atelierului nu ştia nimic despre proiectul său; credea că vrea să facă un utilaj agricol pentru cosit iarba, aşa îi spusese Pigozzi, un utilaj experimental de concepţie futuristă. Tocmai de aceea avea nevoie de elice, pe care o şi montase în faţă, pe arborele motor. Elicea o găsise la aeroport, aruncată într-un colţ; i-o dăduseră gratis pentru că avea un defect, dar el nu-i găsise niciunul. „La aeroport – spunea şeful de la atelierul de dezmembrări, domnul Caravita – elicele se găsesc gratis pe jos, pentru că au prea multe şi n-au ce face cu ele.” Pe urmă făcuse aripile de pânză pe un cadru uşor din bare de metal. Iar în spate, pe coadă, deasupra roţii, eleronul de direcţie. Şeful atelierului spunea că seamănă cu un aeroplan de la începutul secolului; Pigozzi zicea că e o cositoare de concepţie modernă, aşa cum se fac acum în America.

[Graychin · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s tempting to read books like this in no particular order and without a plan. The lives of Cavazzoni’s subjects aren’t necessarily brief in themselves, but the chapters are, and each tells a different story. Like a book of knock-knock jokes, it invites the most casual of readings: a few pages at a time now and then, before bed, maybe, or while the pasta is cooking, or in the bathroom. Why not?

Because then you’ll miss out on the cumulative effect of Cavazzoni’s tale. It’s like one of Bruegel’s village scenes, crowded with dozens of figures coming from every direction, each with his own idiosyncratic style and expression, immersed in his own peculiar interests and activities. So much competing motion! And yet from a distance it adds up to a self-contained composition.

Here’s the man terrified of the speed at which the Earth travels through space, the farmer who pretends to be a doctor and wants to take everyone’s blood pressure, the woman who imagines everyone is always making vulgar jokes at her expense. Here’s the young girl who has a vision of the Madonna in a juniper tree but only asks her math questions, an ascetic who wears painfully tight shoes out of moral principle, and a man who upends a city and its political leadership by refusing to take off a false nose.

It’s funny, yes, and not to be taken too seriously. But by the time you reach the end, you begin to wonder which were the idiots, really: the idiots themselves, or the people calling them idiots? And you begin to think the book is a kind of mirror. All of society is reflected in it from one angle or another. And admit it, here and there you begin to recognize elements of your own portrait.

[Tom · Rating 4 out of 5]

Modeled after the medieval Lives of Saints, Brief Lives of Idiots devotes 31 chapters (one to contemplate for each day of the week) persons who are exemplary in their idiocy. (Generally one person per day, but three of the days are devoted to aggregates of “working,” “collateral,” and “near” suicides. After a heavy, nation-wide, daily diet of mendacious idiocy during the past four years, Brief Lives rekindles hope in a return to times when idiocy was kinder, gentler, almost pure in its lack of guile—idiocy straight up. Here we find a Marxist who thinks Jesus was an alien; here, a fellow who walks around the countryside offering free blood-pressure tests because he believes that blood pressure gauges have healing powers; another no longer recognizes his family, but since they leave him alone, and the woman even makes him meals, he decides not to say anything. Women idiots roam this planet, too, of course, including one who sits looking out her window as she sews, imaging that the passersby below insult her as they walk past, yet deaf to the compliments her employer pays to the quality of her work.

The cynicism is sunny, and the idiots (largely) harmless cranks with (usually nonfatal) obsessions.

[Tom Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a collection of 31 absurd brief short stories (each one to coincide with a calendar day) based (loosely, I’d guess) on Christian hagiography. Instead of saints, this one is about “idiots.” So the book is about foolish people (some of them real) doing foolish things. I imagine a shot at religion is intended.

I was hoping this would be like The Museum of Jurassic Technology in Culver City; beguiling oddities presented in a way where you're not sure what’s true and what isn’t. At first, I’d look things up to see what was real but after a while, I decided it didn’t really matter. The tales are odd and interesting so who cares what’s real? But the stories are pretty sparse and unfortunately, the language really needed to carry its weight. I don’t have particular insight on translations but from my limited reading, it seems some languages translate better to English than others. Spanish, for instance, translates well. Maybe Italian doesn’t. In any case, the writing isn’t especially fun or charming.

If you're smarter than me and can read Italian I’d bet this would be a great book.

[Davide Ariasso · Rating 4 out of 5]

Un piacere idiota e sottile

Ho apprezzato questa raccolta soprattutto per accumulazione e per curiosità. La mole di storie grottesche e bizzarre è notevole, e ad ogni nuovo inizio ero curioso di scoprire quale fosse la nuova idiozia con il suo corollario di stranezze, tragedie e tristezze. Mi ha colpito l’interesse, la passione e forse una forma di indiretta compassione di Cavazzoni per questi individui e famiglie immerse nel loro mondo dalle regole aliene al contesto in cui vivono, e il florilegio di scemi del villaggio le cui fissazioni alla fine non risultano poi molto diverse da quelle di ognuno di noi. Solo esacerbate all’inverosimile da una follia, un’innocenza, una buona dose di idiozia.

[bree ⁠♡ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Expert: 4.3 stars
Wise men: 2 stars
Family: 3.7 stars
Pyromaniacs: 3.8 stars
Prodigy: 4 stars
Speed: 4.7 stars
Working: 5 stars
Pressure: 2.8 stars
Albanians: 3 stars
Nobleman: 5 stars
Painter: 4.8 stars
Revolution: 4.1 stars
Carnival: 5 stars
Collateral: 4.6 stars
Republic: 2 stars
Woman: 3.8 stars
Near: 4.9 stars
Sunday: 5 stars
Failed: 4.4 stars
Survivors: 5 stars
Devil: 3.4 stars
Star: 4 stars
Magnets: 5 stars
(Some chapters were not rated because I physically could not read them :/ )

[Vivi · Rating 2 out of 5]

As I have no prior experience with the source material, I wasn't able to exactly guess what Cavazzoni was making fun of in some of the stories. Despite that, all the stories are completely and absolutely absurd, fishing a laugh out of me every once in a while. Really I can't say much except that I react to every story the same way I react to this Monty Python skit.

[Jay Green · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointing. Idiocy abounds among humans yet you'd be hard pushed to find much here. Perhaps the satire is too gentle and/or lost in translation. Maybe Cavazzoni's targets are Italian stereotypes unfamiliar to me or this work represents a settling of accounts on his part. Either way, the pay-offs were few and feeble.

[David Macpherson · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took a while to get through this. The dry approach is great in small doses. But with all that, this was a fun, off beat collection of sketches of people who are just kinda off. I really liked the time I had with it.

[Sole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ho pianto dalle risate

[Juri Signorini · Rating 3 out of 5]

Libro composto da 31+1 brevi, buffi racconti su persone scocche.
A mio avviso, un 3 risicato.

[Alta]

A witty, dark-humored book of very short tales in which various types of stupidity and oddities are being mocked. Rendered successfully from the Italian into English by Jamie Richards.

[Jim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Relatable and brave.

[Orma · Rating 1 out of 5]

Sarò strana io, ma nemmeno un sorrisino mi ha suscitato.