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A Place for Everything
A searing account of a mother’s late-diagnosis of Aspergers – and its reaching effects on a whole family.
Anna grew up in a house that was loving, even if her mum was ‘a little eccentric’. They knew to keep things clean, to stay quiet, and to look the other way when things started to get ‘a bit much for your mum’.
It’s only when her mother reaches her 70s, and Anna has a family of her own, that the cracks really start to appear. More manic. More irrational. More detached from the world. And when her father, the man who has calmed and cajoled her mother through her entire life is diagnosed with cancer, the whole world turns upside down.
This is a story of a life lived with undiagnosed Aspergers, about the person behind the disorder, those big unspoken family truths, and what it means to care for our parents in their final years.
Anna grew up in a house that was loving, even if her mum was ‘a little eccentric’. They knew to keep things clean, to stay quiet, and to look the other way when things started to get ‘a bit much for your mum’.
It’s only when her mother reaches her 70s, and Anna has a family of her own, that the cracks really start to appear. More manic. More irrational. More detached from the world. And when her father, the man who has calmed and cajoled her mother through her entire life is diagnosed with cancer, the whole world turns upside down.
This is a story of a life lived with undiagnosed Aspergers, about the person behind the disorder, those big unspoken family truths, and what it means to care for our parents in their final years.
356 pages, Hardcover
Published July 9, 2020
15 people are currently reading
397 people want to read
About the author
Anna Wilson
88 books29 followersAnna Wilson lives in Bradford on Avon with her husband, two children, two cats, some chickens, some ducks, a tortoise and a dog. She is the author of The Puppy Plan, Pup Idol, Puppy Power, Puppy Party, The Kitten Hunt, Kitten Wars,Kitten Catastrophe, Monkey Business, Monkey Madness, I'm a Chicken, Get Me Out of Here!, the Pooch Parlour series, The Great Kitten Cake Off and The Mortifying Life of Skye Green series - all for Macmillan Children's Books " " " "She has also written Summer's Shadow for older readers.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 54 reviews
April 14, 2021
This was...whiny. It felt like heavy, unprocessed trauma from her childhood came through loud and clear. I had to put it down for a while. Not until the very end do we discover the autism diagnosis. I had hoped it would be more about her life as a child of an autistic mother, than about her dad and her own anxiety. I didn’t realize the diagnosis came at the end of her life. But alas, it was well written just not something I’d recommend.
August 24, 2022
Read for the APDO Book Club, and although three stars may appear luke warm to some people, I'd call this a 3/3 rather than a 3/5, in that it's a misery memoir and that's not a category that I read for pleasure.
Anna Wilson is a great writer - her back catalogue of work for children and Young Adults is outstanding - and she brings the full force of her writing skills to bear on this work. It's a labour of love, telling the story of her parents' marriage and, in particular, the deterioration of their standards of living as their mother's mental health unravels due to what turns out to be undiagnosed ASD. We've all seen the news headlines that many women have not been diagnosed because of their ability to mask and mimic - performing in public social situations as they know they are expected to, and then falling apart behind closed doors. This story is one of the most extreme to emerge so far, in that diagnosis came at the age of seventy-two, not long before she died.
Anna's mother, Gillian, was a brilliant and beautiful woman who read Classics at Cambridge, where she met her husband. She returned home to Kent and became a Latin teacher at her former school - retrospectively Anna Wilson speculates that she was probably able to cope because she knew the school, its routines and expectations so well. Her husband, Martin, adores her, and they seem to have the perfect suburban life - he works in the City and they take regular holidays to Italy long before package holidays make this the norm. She begins to unravel as her children gain autonomy, and Anna and her sister Carrie definitely suffer a level of abuse due to their mother's rages, in which she grabs their wrists and shakes them, but because of the time-period (1970s and 1980s) this doesn't appear on the surface so out of the usual way of parenting. Gillian's mother lives nearby, and steps in to provide her daughter and granddaughters with love and support.
It's really when Grandma dies that we see Gillian fall apart completely. She's had two amazing support systems in her mother and her husband, and, reduced to just the one and suffering the deep grief everyone feels at the loss of a parent, she starts to cling onto her husband, utterly terrified something bad will happen to him. This is where we really enter the narrative, as Anna Wilson documents her parents' decline and her own feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness whilst she and her sister do everything they can possibly think to get help in place.
The best books in this genre have some hope nested within them, and this comes in the form of the final diagnosis and the sense it allows Anna and Carrie to make of their own upbringing and their mother's life. If there is optimism in the book it's that Anna and Carrie are free to move forwards mourning their parents as we all do, but without the overhanging cloud of guilt they have experienced all their adult life before the ASD diagnosis explained why their mother was the way she was.
In short, if you are interested in adult late diagnosis ASD and / or enjoy misery memoirs, you will probably love this book. I'm looking forward to hearing my APDO colleagues discuss it - especially since I know the two of them who recommended it absolutely loved it. I just can't give it four or five stars because I don't read to feel this level of misery - and that's not Anna Wilson's fault.
Three Word Review: Late-diagnosis ASD misery.
Anna Wilson is a great writer - her back catalogue of work for children and Young Adults is outstanding - and she brings the full force of her writing skills to bear on this work. It's a labour of love, telling the story of her parents' marriage and, in particular, the deterioration of their standards of living as their mother's mental health unravels due to what turns out to be undiagnosed ASD. We've all seen the news headlines that many women have not been diagnosed because of their ability to mask and mimic - performing in public social situations as they know they are expected to, and then falling apart behind closed doors. This story is one of the most extreme to emerge so far, in that diagnosis came at the age of seventy-two, not long before she died.
Anna's mother, Gillian, was a brilliant and beautiful woman who read Classics at Cambridge, where she met her husband. She returned home to Kent and became a Latin teacher at her former school - retrospectively Anna Wilson speculates that she was probably able to cope because she knew the school, its routines and expectations so well. Her husband, Martin, adores her, and they seem to have the perfect suburban life - he works in the City and they take regular holidays to Italy long before package holidays make this the norm. She begins to unravel as her children gain autonomy, and Anna and her sister Carrie definitely suffer a level of abuse due to their mother's rages, in which she grabs their wrists and shakes them, but because of the time-period (1970s and 1980s) this doesn't appear on the surface so out of the usual way of parenting. Gillian's mother lives nearby, and steps in to provide her daughter and granddaughters with love and support.
It's really when Grandma dies that we see Gillian fall apart completely. She's had two amazing support systems in her mother and her husband, and, reduced to just the one and suffering the deep grief everyone feels at the loss of a parent, she starts to cling onto her husband, utterly terrified something bad will happen to him. This is where we really enter the narrative, as Anna Wilson documents her parents' decline and her own feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness whilst she and her sister do everything they can possibly think to get help in place.
The best books in this genre have some hope nested within them, and this comes in the form of the final diagnosis and the sense it allows Anna and Carrie to make of their own upbringing and their mother's life. If there is optimism in the book it's that Anna and Carrie are free to move forwards mourning their parents as we all do, but without the overhanging cloud of guilt they have experienced all their adult life before the ASD diagnosis explained why their mother was the way she was.
In short, if you are interested in adult late diagnosis ASD and / or enjoy misery memoirs, you will probably love this book. I'm looking forward to hearing my APDO colleagues discuss it - especially since I know the two of them who recommended it absolutely loved it. I just can't give it four or five stars because I don't read to feel this level of misery - and that's not Anna Wilson's fault.
Three Word Review: Late-diagnosis ASD misery.
April 30, 2020
For many years I have held the view that, ‘Everyone does the best that they can with the knowledge, awareness and understanding that they have at the time.’ To me this is self-evidently true. I argue that no mother, for example, looks at her new-born baby and thinks, ‘How can I make this child unhappy?’
Yet people have argued with this statement often adding, ‘You haven’t met my mother/father. You weren’t there - if you had been you wouldn’t say that my mother/father did they best they knew how.’ Sometimes the sad and hurt individual will become angry with me for even holding to my position.
In this extraordinary memoir Anna tells the story of what it was like for her and her sister to be raised by a woman struggling with undiagnosed high-functioning autism. As children Anna and her sister didn’t know that it wasn’t usual for a woman to try to shake her children into behaving differently or to react hysterically if they spilt something on the floor or arrived home late. As children we don’t have the luxury of being able to make parental comparisons.
It’s profoundly shocking now that we are all so aware of the autistic spectrum in both men and women that only one generation ago behaviour such as Anna's mother displayed could go undiagnosed. In this life story Anna’s mother is 72 years of age and has had every possible incorrect diagnosis known to modern psychiatry before her children learn that she has high functioning autism.
This is an important story and one that I hope will be read by anyone who has endured a difficult relationship with either parent. Anna tells this story with huge compassion - both for her mother and father, for her sister, and for herself. It is indeed a modern tragedy because if Gillian - who is the autistic woman at the centre of this story - had been correctly diagnosed earlier in life her family and all those around her would have known the correct way to treat her. I will be recommending this book to anyone I know who has had one or more parent that we would once have called ‘difficult' - or ‘disturbed’. It is a book that will offer thousands greater understanding.
The French have a saying: ‘To understand all is to forgive all.’ This book will give readers the tools to be able to forgive. It shows how understanding can allow us compassion and ultimately offers the reader freedom and peace.
Well done Anna Wilson. An astounding achievement.
Yet people have argued with this statement often adding, ‘You haven’t met my mother/father. You weren’t there - if you had been you wouldn’t say that my mother/father did they best they knew how.’ Sometimes the sad and hurt individual will become angry with me for even holding to my position.
In this extraordinary memoir Anna tells the story of what it was like for her and her sister to be raised by a woman struggling with undiagnosed high-functioning autism. As children Anna and her sister didn’t know that it wasn’t usual for a woman to try to shake her children into behaving differently or to react hysterically if they spilt something on the floor or arrived home late. As children we don’t have the luxury of being able to make parental comparisons.
It’s profoundly shocking now that we are all so aware of the autistic spectrum in both men and women that only one generation ago behaviour such as Anna's mother displayed could go undiagnosed. In this life story Anna’s mother is 72 years of age and has had every possible incorrect diagnosis known to modern psychiatry before her children learn that she has high functioning autism.
This is an important story and one that I hope will be read by anyone who has endured a difficult relationship with either parent. Anna tells this story with huge compassion - both for her mother and father, for her sister, and for herself. It is indeed a modern tragedy because if Gillian - who is the autistic woman at the centre of this story - had been correctly diagnosed earlier in life her family and all those around her would have known the correct way to treat her. I will be recommending this book to anyone I know who has had one or more parent that we would once have called ‘difficult' - or ‘disturbed’. It is a book that will offer thousands greater understanding.
The French have a saying: ‘To understand all is to forgive all.’ This book will give readers the tools to be able to forgive. It shows how understanding can allow us compassion and ultimately offers the reader freedom and peace.
Well done Anna Wilson. An astounding achievement.
May 22, 2020
I finished this book in three sittings (a record for me I think!) and it is fair to say that I absolutely loved it.
I thought I would enjoy it as a piece of my education about high functioning Autism / Asperger’s, but I didn’t expect to get so wrapped up in the story and the suffering of the author, Anna, and her family.
It is so well written… just when you think you’ve heard the worst, Anna's poor Mum lurches further into her personal hell. Horrible. Anna manages to make the book about her Mum rather than just how she has affected her (Anna's) life and balances the (justified) anger and (unjustified) guilt feelings perfectly.
I have to admit to some slight parallels in my upbringing to Anna's. My Dad (bless the old buffer) was always very stressed, anxious and occasionally unfairly angry / critical (though never, ever violent) and I read some of the passages about marks on the walls, things being in their right place and general fly-off-the-handleness with a smile on my face. I have nothing like the horror stories in this book of course, but I do remember desperately hoping Dad wouldn’t notice the holes in the wallpaper my wayward darts had recently made, as he prowled round inspecting! I do, however, love the way Anna doesn't let the fear of her Mum diminish the misery she was going through. As someone who can’t stand disorder, lack of control and change, running a house and bringing up kids must have been torture for her at times.
Anna and her sister could have turned out very bitter towards their Mum, but they didn’t: despite the hurt their Mother caused them both, she maintains her compassion and objectivity. Anna Wilson has my complete admiration. I think my sisters are still a bit cross at my Dad, but I think they got it worse, as he was rather patrician as well, so they had to do elocution lessons whilst me and my brother got to play cricket!
In summary, this is a brilliant, honest and brave book for anyone who wants to understand more about the mysterious autistic spectrum, and the devastating effect it can have on mental health.
I thought I would enjoy it as a piece of my education about high functioning Autism / Asperger’s, but I didn’t expect to get so wrapped up in the story and the suffering of the author, Anna, and her family.
It is so well written… just when you think you’ve heard the worst, Anna's poor Mum lurches further into her personal hell. Horrible. Anna manages to make the book about her Mum rather than just how she has affected her (Anna's) life and balances the (justified) anger and (unjustified) guilt feelings perfectly.
I have to admit to some slight parallels in my upbringing to Anna's. My Dad (bless the old buffer) was always very stressed, anxious and occasionally unfairly angry / critical (though never, ever violent) and I read some of the passages about marks on the walls, things being in their right place and general fly-off-the-handleness with a smile on my face. I have nothing like the horror stories in this book of course, but I do remember desperately hoping Dad wouldn’t notice the holes in the wallpaper my wayward darts had recently made, as he prowled round inspecting! I do, however, love the way Anna doesn't let the fear of her Mum diminish the misery she was going through. As someone who can’t stand disorder, lack of control and change, running a house and bringing up kids must have been torture for her at times.
Anna and her sister could have turned out very bitter towards their Mum, but they didn’t: despite the hurt their Mother caused them both, she maintains her compassion and objectivity. Anna Wilson has my complete admiration. I think my sisters are still a bit cross at my Dad, but I think they got it worse, as he was rather patrician as well, so they had to do elocution lessons whilst me and my brother got to play cricket!
In summary, this is a brilliant, honest and brave book for anyone who wants to understand more about the mysterious autistic spectrum, and the devastating effect it can have on mental health.
December 13, 2023
Well I have a lot of thoughts about this book and where to start
First of all, I was excited to read this book as I thought it would be about the daughter and she would be autistic, but it turns out it is her mother.
This really reads better as a carer and the struggles that come from being a caretaker for elderly parents. As the autism part, was not good in my opinion
The way that there are quotes about autism at the start of each chapter that honestly really did not even need to be there in the first place, why you may ask, because it hops around from different terms on what to call it but also that it just disconnects you from what Anna is trying to tell us of her Mum and her Dad.
I related to always being a good girl and never being bad to keep the peace. I did this. I was Anna to a mum who is undiagnosed autistic. This honestly scares me how a lot of this was accurate to how my mum is and has navigated her life.
Being autistic myself though, I struggled with the ableism that is all the way throughout where Anna talks about her mother being Mad, Crazy, raging lunatic. While I understand Anna is trying to convey her emotions and feelings about it. It hurt like hell to be hearing all these things be said.
Hearing how she receives an informal diagnosis. It is all glossed over too quickly, as they do understand her more and all that but there is nothing about what was learned after this diagnosis. I just wished there was more especially since autism is a part of the book title it just made me disappointed that this could have been so much more than it was.
I think the book went on for too long and could have been a little shorter, as then i feel it would have been more impactful.
Something I thought it did well was that it shows how Neurodivergent people go through mental health struggles and how it can affect them and how it also affects the family around you.
These are just my thoughts. I thought I would have enjoyed this, but unfortunately, I did not.
First of all, I was excited to read this book as I thought it would be about the daughter and she would be autistic, but it turns out it is her mother.
This really reads better as a carer and the struggles that come from being a caretaker for elderly parents. As the autism part, was not good in my opinion
The way that there are quotes about autism at the start of each chapter that honestly really did not even need to be there in the first place, why you may ask, because it hops around from different terms on what to call it but also that it just disconnects you from what Anna is trying to tell us of her Mum and her Dad.
I related to always being a good girl and never being bad to keep the peace. I did this. I was Anna to a mum who is undiagnosed autistic. This honestly scares me how a lot of this was accurate to how my mum is and has navigated her life.
Being autistic myself though, I struggled with the ableism that is all the way throughout where Anna talks about her mother being Mad, Crazy, raging lunatic. While I understand Anna is trying to convey her emotions and feelings about it. It hurt like hell to be hearing all these things be said.
Hearing how she receives an informal diagnosis. It is all glossed over too quickly, as they do understand her more and all that but there is nothing about what was learned after this diagnosis. I just wished there was more especially since autism is a part of the book title it just made me disappointed that this could have been so much more than it was.
I think the book went on for too long and could have been a little shorter, as then i feel it would have been more impactful.
Something I thought it did well was that it shows how Neurodivergent people go through mental health struggles and how it can affect them and how it also affects the family around you.
These are just my thoughts. I thought I would have enjoyed this, but unfortunately, I did not.
April 18, 2021
Impulse buy from Costco; I thought this book was going to be about the daughter having autism. What it was, was a lengthy description of the author’s life with her (undiagnosed) autistic mom. The story could have been more impactful if told in less length and maybe with more of a storylike feel. I didn’t care for the quotes at the top of each chapter. There are three things I did enjoy about this book. First, I think it gave readers an accurate description of the difficulties a child faces in securing care for a parent in such a situation. I did enjoy the author’s honesty. It felt very cruel at times and I thought it was brave to share her true and valid thoughts in such a personal story. My instinct was to feel judgemental on reading some of her thoughts and I questioned many of her choices, which is easy to do unless you’re the person in her shoes. I don’t know that as a teacher I appreciated her perspective on her mother’s autism. It felt like it put autism in a pretty negative light most of the time, which I’m sure was her reality. Not sure if anyone will get a great understanding of the positives autistic people possess from reading it. Finally, I did enjoy reading about and watching the daughter-parent relationship unfold and did feel a lot of empathy for the individuals in the story. In the end, I don’t know that I’d recommend the book to someone. Maybe someone going through a similar situation would find value in it. I do feel her story is important, but wish it was condensed and written in a less matter-of-fact style.
November 22, 2020
I have worked with autistic people for a while now and I love how much they challenge me to think outside the box and to see things from a different perspective.
But most of the autistic people I met are still in school.
It’s very tricky to imagine how their life will go when they finish school, when they have to go out into the ‘real world’, have families, have jobs, raise kids and so on.
This book is challenged me on so many different levels. I definitely recommend it!
But most of the autistic people I met are still in school.
It’s very tricky to imagine how their life will go when they finish school, when they have to go out into the ‘real world’, have families, have jobs, raise kids and so on.
This book is challenged me on so many different levels. I definitely recommend it!
October 17, 2021
4.5 stars
So heartbreaking.
This really resonated with and I appreciated the author being so frank.
Having aging parents is so stressful and worrying, and even more so when mental health issues are involved.
I wish Anna all the best and thank her for sharing her story.
So heartbreaking.
This really resonated with and I appreciated the author being so frank.
Having aging parents is so stressful and worrying, and even more so when mental health issues are involved.
I wish Anna all the best and thank her for sharing her story.
March 30, 2025
Interesting!
Some of the language was a liiiiiil jarring but it was sweet and tender overall
Some of the language was a liiiiiil jarring but it was sweet and tender overall
August 7, 2021
Brutally honest, unbearably sad, and yet hopeful and optimistic. I couldn't put it down. It spoke to my soul.
May 9, 2020
I raced through my advance reading copy of this. A Place for Everything is one of the most moving family memoirs I've read in a long time.
The book traces the author's often fraught relationship with her ageing parents, in particular her mother, who was diagnosed with autism (in the form of Asperger syndrome) at the age of 72.
The author also examines why girls and women frequently slip under the medical professionals' radar when it comes to autism. The book will be especially helpful for anyone with a late-diagnosed family member on the autism spectrum.
A Place for Everything is a superb, lyrical and raw account of love and loss.
Highly recommended.
The book traces the author's often fraught relationship with her ageing parents, in particular her mother, who was diagnosed with autism (in the form of Asperger syndrome) at the age of 72.
The author also examines why girls and women frequently slip under the medical professionals' radar when it comes to autism. The book will be especially helpful for anyone with a late-diagnosed family member on the autism spectrum.
A Place for Everything is a superb, lyrical and raw account of love and loss.
Highly recommended.
September 23, 2023
I have mixed feelings. This is a good book about the struggles of being a caretaker for elderly parents, but I don't think it's a good book about autism.
Anna writes very well, and very honestly, about the struggles of growing up with an undiagnosed parent. Since she always had to be the "good girl" to keep the peace, it's understandable why she has a complicated relationship with her mother in adulthood -- especially as her mother requires more and more care, and her dad develops an aggressive cancer. It's easy to sympathize with Anna's love, resentment, hope, anger, frustration, guilt, grief, and other conflicting emotions during extraordinarly difficult times.
However, as an autistic person reading this book, it's saddening to see an undiagnosed woman repeatedly described as a mad, crazy, raging lunatic. While I appreciate Anna expressing her feelings honestly, and she does speak fondly of her mother too, it just...was a really depressing reminder of the ableism autistic people face. I know it's hard to deal with a parent's meltdowns (my own undiagnosed autistic mother suggested this book to me, thinking it may resonate with my upbringing), but I still found some of the language used in this book kind of upsetting.
Most of this book is about Anna and her sister navigating an uncaring health care system, while caring for two unwell parents and trying to maintain some semblance of a life. Many of these parts are rich in detail and engaging to read, even if they are very depressing.
Near the end of the book, Anna's mother receives an informal autism diagnosis, and I feel this is glossed over quickly. The daughters start to understand their mom a little better, there is recognition that autism needs wider understanding and acceptance in society, and...that's kind of it. It's a major revelation for the family, so they begin looking for books and information about autism, but there is very little commentary about what they learned. The short quotes about ASD at the beginning of each chapter didn't add anything, and most of the 60+ citations came from the same few books and articles.
This book demonstrates how undiagnosed neurodivergence can lead to mental health issues and family trauma, but provides very little information on autism itself. While Anna comes to realize why her mother was always different, the reflections at the end don't go as deep as I hoped they would.
Anna writes very well, and very honestly, about the struggles of growing up with an undiagnosed parent. Since she always had to be the "good girl" to keep the peace, it's understandable why she has a complicated relationship with her mother in adulthood -- especially as her mother requires more and more care, and her dad develops an aggressive cancer. It's easy to sympathize with Anna's love, resentment, hope, anger, frustration, guilt, grief, and other conflicting emotions during extraordinarly difficult times.
However, as an autistic person reading this book, it's saddening to see an undiagnosed woman repeatedly described as a mad, crazy, raging lunatic. While I appreciate Anna expressing her feelings honestly, and she does speak fondly of her mother too, it just...was a really depressing reminder of the ableism autistic people face. I know it's hard to deal with a parent's meltdowns (my own undiagnosed autistic mother suggested this book to me, thinking it may resonate with my upbringing), but I still found some of the language used in this book kind of upsetting.
Most of this book is about Anna and her sister navigating an uncaring health care system, while caring for two unwell parents and trying to maintain some semblance of a life. Many of these parts are rich in detail and engaging to read, even if they are very depressing.
Near the end of the book, Anna's mother receives an informal autism diagnosis, and I feel this is glossed over quickly. The daughters start to understand their mom a little better, there is recognition that autism needs wider understanding and acceptance in society, and...that's kind of it. It's a major revelation for the family, so they begin looking for books and information about autism, but there is very little commentary about what they learned. The short quotes about ASD at the beginning of each chapter didn't add anything, and most of the 60+ citations came from the same few books and articles.
This book demonstrates how undiagnosed neurodivergence can lead to mental health issues and family trauma, but provides very little information on autism itself. While Anna comes to realize why her mother was always different, the reflections at the end don't go as deep as I hoped they would.
November 3, 2023
I read this book hoping that it would be informative and educative whilst telling a personal story that would evoke emotions from the reader. Unfortunately what I found was more that the book was used as a catharsis for Wilson - a way to grieve.
A few times Wilson mentions that she is a children's author. I think maybe she should have stuck to her genre of expertise.
I was not emotionally connected to any of the characters through the book - they were almost kept at arms length so we didn't really know the sister, the husband, how it was from the mother's point of view, or even how the author herself found it. Events from the past were touched upon but not embellished to take the reader on a journey - and that's why I feel that this was not written for the reader but for the author.
My mother in law has some mental impairments and will not go to a doctor's nor let a doctor into her house. It has been mentioned that she might have Aspergers. She certainly isn't at a level of Wilson's mother but she may be the lower end of the spectrum. I think from the book I've gleaned that Age UK may be helpful in learning how I can help my mother in law, so that is a useful nugget. I don't think it's a book I'd recommend for the simple reason that I feel that the book is more for Anna Wilson herself and not for the readers who might pick it up.
A few times Wilson mentions that she is a children's author. I think maybe she should have stuck to her genre of expertise.
I was not emotionally connected to any of the characters through the book - they were almost kept at arms length so we didn't really know the sister, the husband, how it was from the mother's point of view, or even how the author herself found it. Events from the past were touched upon but not embellished to take the reader on a journey - and that's why I feel that this was not written for the reader but for the author.
My mother in law has some mental impairments and will not go to a doctor's nor let a doctor into her house. It has been mentioned that she might have Aspergers. She certainly isn't at a level of Wilson's mother but she may be the lower end of the spectrum. I think from the book I've gleaned that Age UK may be helpful in learning how I can help my mother in law, so that is a useful nugget. I don't think it's a book I'd recommend for the simple reason that I feel that the book is more for Anna Wilson herself and not for the readers who might pick it up.
August 2, 2020
A sad story of some sad characters, misery and not much else, to the point that it becomes pointless.
March 21, 2022
Read for the APDO Book Club, and although three stars may appear luke warm to some people, I'd call this a 3/3 rather than a 3/5, in that it's a misery memoir and that's not a category that I read for pleasure.
Anna Wilson is a great writer - her back catalogue of work for children and Young Adults is outstanding - and she brings the full force of her writing skills to bear on this work. It's a labour of love, telling the story of her parents' marriage and, in particular, the deterioration of their standards of living as their mother's mental health unravels due to what turns out to be undiagnosed ASD. We've all seen the news headlines that many women have not been diagnosed because of their ability to mask and mimic - performing in public social situations as they know they are expected to, and then falling apart behind closed doors. This story is one of the most extreme to emerge so far, in that diagnosis came at the age of seventy-two, not long before she died.
Anna's mother, Gillian, was a brilliant and beautiful woman who read Classics at Cambridge, where she met her husband. She returned home to Kent and became a Latin teacher at her former school - retrospectively Anna Wilson speculates that she was probably able to cope because she knew the school, its routines and expectations so well. Her husband, Martin, adores her, and they seem to have the perfect suburban life - he works in the City and they take regular holidays to Italy long before package holidays make this the norm. She begins to unravel as her children gain autonomy, and Anna and her sister Carrie definitely suffer a level of abuse due to their mother's rages, in which she grabs their wrists and shakes them, but because of the time-period (1970s and 1980s) this doesn't appear on the surface so out of the usual way of parenting. Gillian's mother lives nearby, and steps in to provide her daughter and granddaughters with love and support.
It's really when Grandma dies that we see Gillian fall apart completely. She's had two amazing support systems in her mother and her husband, and, reduced to just the one and suffering the deep grief everyone feels at the loss of a parent, she starts to cling onto her husband, utterly terrified something bad will happen to him. This is where we really enter the narrative, as Anna Wilson documents her parents' decline and her own feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness whilst she and her sister do everything they can possibly think to get help in place.
The best books in this genre have some hope nested within them, and this comes in the form of the final diagnosis and the sense it allows Anna and Carrie to make of their own upbringing and their mother's life. If there is optimism in the book it's that Anna and Carrie are free to move forwards mourning their parents as we all do, but without the overhanging cloud of guilt they have experienced all their adult life before the ASD diagnosis explained why their mother was the way she was.
In short, if you are interested in adult late diagnosis ASD and / or enjoy misery memoirs, you will probably love this book. I'm looking forward to hearing my APDO colleagues discuss it - especially since I know the two of them who recommended it absolutely loved it. I just can't give it four or five stars because I don't read to feel this level of misery - and that's not Anna Wilson's fault.
Three Word Review: Late-diagnosis ASD misery.
Anna Wilson is a great writer - her back catalogue of work for children and Young Adults is outstanding - and she brings the full force of her writing skills to bear on this work. It's a labour of love, telling the story of her parents' marriage and, in particular, the deterioration of their standards of living as their mother's mental health unravels due to what turns out to be undiagnosed ASD. We've all seen the news headlines that many women have not been diagnosed because of their ability to mask and mimic - performing in public social situations as they know they are expected to, and then falling apart behind closed doors. This story is one of the most extreme to emerge so far, in that diagnosis came at the age of seventy-two, not long before she died.
Anna's mother, Gillian, was a brilliant and beautiful woman who read Classics at Cambridge, where she met her husband. She returned home to Kent and became a Latin teacher at her former school - retrospectively Anna Wilson speculates that she was probably able to cope because she knew the school, its routines and expectations so well. Her husband, Martin, adores her, and they seem to have the perfect suburban life - he works in the City and they take regular holidays to Italy long before package holidays make this the norm. She begins to unravel as her children gain autonomy, and Anna and her sister Carrie definitely suffer a level of abuse due to their mother's rages, in which she grabs their wrists and shakes them, but because of the time-period (1970s and 1980s) this doesn't appear on the surface so out of the usual way of parenting. Gillian's mother lives nearby, and steps in to provide her daughter and granddaughters with love and support.
It's really when Grandma dies that we see Gillian fall apart completely. She's had two amazing support systems in her mother and her husband, and, reduced to just the one and suffering the deep grief everyone feels at the loss of a parent, she starts to cling onto her husband, utterly terrified something bad will happen to him. This is where we really enter the narrative, as Anna Wilson documents her parents' decline and her own feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness whilst she and her sister do everything they can possibly think to get help in place.
The best books in this genre have some hope nested within them, and this comes in the form of the final diagnosis and the sense it allows Anna and Carrie to make of their own upbringing and their mother's life. If there is optimism in the book it's that Anna and Carrie are free to move forwards mourning their parents as we all do, but without the overhanging cloud of guilt they have experienced all their adult life before the ASD diagnosis explained why their mother was the way she was.
In short, if you are interested in adult late diagnosis ASD and / or enjoy misery memoirs, you will probably love this book. I'm looking forward to hearing my APDO colleagues discuss it - especially since I know the two of them who recommended it absolutely loved it. I just can't give it four or five stars because I don't read to feel this level of misery - and that's not Anna Wilson's fault.
Three Word Review: Late-diagnosis ASD misery.
June 30, 2024
I listened to this audiobook about the author, Anna Wilson’s relationship with her mother, growing up under her strict regime and later caring for her, when, in her seventies, she can no longer cope with the changing world around her, and particularly when her husband, Anna’s dad, becomes ill with cancer. Gillian, Anna’s mum, lived with undiagnosed Asperger’s all her life, and while she functioned quite well on the surface, behind the scenes was a different story.
The author describes her childhood growing up in a loving home where order was paramount. Her mother, whose motto was the titular “a place for everything” was meticulous in her housekeeping, ironing swathes of clothes every day and organising her beloved airing cupboard. She took great care over her appearance, hosted elaborate suppers for her husband’s law society colleagues, was very particular in her use of language, often giving Anna and her sister Carrie lessons in correct grammar and the Latin roots of English words. However, this highly educated, intelligent and capable woman could not cope with the unpredictability that young children bring to a house, and the safe world she creates inside her family home is unsustainable when life throws up curveballs. The author is very honest in relating her childhood. She doesn’t dismiss all the love and security of her upbringing, nor does she shy away from the memories of her mother’s meltdowns, her shaking her fists in the mirror, chanting “bloody kids, bloody kids”.
When Anna left home, every visit back was accompanied by a dread of her mother’s form, family events and occasions were always considered in relation to how her mother would cope, and all sorts of accommodations had to be made for everyone’s sake. Most accommodating of all was her beloved husband. Anna and Carrie had a beautiful relationship with their father and his quiet, calm demeanour and natural tidiness suited his wife perfectly and they did truly love each other. Growing up, he was the storyteller, the one who would get down on the ground and play with them.
When, in their seventies, her father is diagnosed with cancer, things really come to the surface. The author here describes some failings of the NHS, her struggles to access proper care for her mother and bewilderment that they have to wait for a crisis to occur before the system will step up! Luckily, a carer named Marina, came into their lives and was a huge support for all of the family but even with this, these were years of strain and worry and the system as it is, doesn’t make these caring years any easier. It wasn’t until later on in these years that a psychologist suggested that Gillian might be on the Autism spectrum. And finally things started to make sense for Anna and her sister.
The death of both her parents and the aftermath is beautifully described. I liked the part nature plays in both giving her own life renewed meaning and keeping her memories alive and in making peace with the fraught relationship she had with her mother.
Overall a really honest and well told account that had my interest all the way through.
The author describes her childhood growing up in a loving home where order was paramount. Her mother, whose motto was the titular “a place for everything” was meticulous in her housekeeping, ironing swathes of clothes every day and organising her beloved airing cupboard. She took great care over her appearance, hosted elaborate suppers for her husband’s law society colleagues, was very particular in her use of language, often giving Anna and her sister Carrie lessons in correct grammar and the Latin roots of English words. However, this highly educated, intelligent and capable woman could not cope with the unpredictability that young children bring to a house, and the safe world she creates inside her family home is unsustainable when life throws up curveballs. The author is very honest in relating her childhood. She doesn’t dismiss all the love and security of her upbringing, nor does she shy away from the memories of her mother’s meltdowns, her shaking her fists in the mirror, chanting “bloody kids, bloody kids”.
When Anna left home, every visit back was accompanied by a dread of her mother’s form, family events and occasions were always considered in relation to how her mother would cope, and all sorts of accommodations had to be made for everyone’s sake. Most accommodating of all was her beloved husband. Anna and Carrie had a beautiful relationship with their father and his quiet, calm demeanour and natural tidiness suited his wife perfectly and they did truly love each other. Growing up, he was the storyteller, the one who would get down on the ground and play with them.
When, in their seventies, her father is diagnosed with cancer, things really come to the surface. The author here describes some failings of the NHS, her struggles to access proper care for her mother and bewilderment that they have to wait for a crisis to occur before the system will step up! Luckily, a carer named Marina, came into their lives and was a huge support for all of the family but even with this, these were years of strain and worry and the system as it is, doesn’t make these caring years any easier. It wasn’t until later on in these years that a psychologist suggested that Gillian might be on the Autism spectrum. And finally things started to make sense for Anna and her sister.
The death of both her parents and the aftermath is beautifully described. I liked the part nature plays in both giving her own life renewed meaning and keeping her memories alive and in making peace with the fraught relationship she had with her mother.
Overall a really honest and well told account that had my interest all the way through.
July 14, 2020
"People have this image of autistic people - that we are completely closed down, mute, only fit for a job at Google or something. Why can't the general public understand that we're humans first and autistic second?"
I don't think I can give this book anything less than five stars. It is a beautiful, heartfelt and raw account of living with a mother with undiagnosed autism.
Wilson writes about her mother's behaviours both when she was a child and as an adult with her own children. Autism has always been around but it has only been recognised relatively recently and we understand it more these days. Everyone, even medical professionals, think she is "crazy", has mental health issues and rely on medicating her.
As the mother of an autistic child, it was heartbreaking to read about how Anna felt about her mother's behaviour. As readers, we obviously know she is autistic, but no one did at that point so it was irritating (to say the least!) to have to just put up with it.
You feel the absolute sense of relief when the family discover that it could potentially be autism.
"'...have you ever thought that your mother might be on the autism spectrum?' Another jolt of electricity. Cogs whirr. Gears shift. Clunk clunk clunk. The pieces fall into place. An axe is hurled against the glass box, and we are free."
I resonated with this a lot because it is similar to how we felt when our son was diagnosed. It was like a glass shattered and everything slotted into place. We realised "THAT'S why he does that!" A lot of the traits, I recognised, such as keeping everything inside whilst around others but then having a meltdown or letting everything out when you were in your "safe space" with the family that you trust.
I loved the quotes at the beginning of each chapter and they are all annotated at the back of the book for additional reading. A Place For Everything is a wonderful read, whether you have any experience with autism or not.
It is beautifully written and I would thoroughly recommend.
I don't think I can give this book anything less than five stars. It is a beautiful, heartfelt and raw account of living with a mother with undiagnosed autism.
Wilson writes about her mother's behaviours both when she was a child and as an adult with her own children. Autism has always been around but it has only been recognised relatively recently and we understand it more these days. Everyone, even medical professionals, think she is "crazy", has mental health issues and rely on medicating her.
As the mother of an autistic child, it was heartbreaking to read about how Anna felt about her mother's behaviour. As readers, we obviously know she is autistic, but no one did at that point so it was irritating (to say the least!) to have to just put up with it.
You feel the absolute sense of relief when the family discover that it could potentially be autism.
"'...have you ever thought that your mother might be on the autism spectrum?' Another jolt of electricity. Cogs whirr. Gears shift. Clunk clunk clunk. The pieces fall into place. An axe is hurled against the glass box, and we are free."
I resonated with this a lot because it is similar to how we felt when our son was diagnosed. It was like a glass shattered and everything slotted into place. We realised "THAT'S why he does that!" A lot of the traits, I recognised, such as keeping everything inside whilst around others but then having a meltdown or letting everything out when you were in your "safe space" with the family that you trust.
I loved the quotes at the beginning of each chapter and they are all annotated at the back of the book for additional reading. A Place For Everything is a wonderful read, whether you have any experience with autism or not.
It is beautifully written and I would thoroughly recommend.
October 29, 2021
An unflinching autobiography of living with a parent with autism; this was a particularly hard read for me on several levels. Anna writes with such searing honesty about her life which, for so much of the time, she did an amazing job of hiding. I know this because I went to school with her and we have reconnected as adults so I knew the surface story but nothing about what went on behind the mask. This resonates particularly with me as a pastoral leader in school, I know I will have many children in Anna's position and I know what a difference a regulating adult can be. In Anna's case it is her amazing dad who takes on this mantle for the family but for so many children there is nobody. I wish every adult who works with children would read this novel! It isn't an easy read but it's a beyond important one. Thank you to Anna (and her sister) for their bravery in sharing their amazing story.
July 9, 2020
I sat and read this memoir in one sitting, on a lockdown night when I couldn't sleep. The frustrations of the author in both her difficult childhood interactions with her mother AND while trying to understand the labyrinthine twists and turns of the medical & care systems during her mother's decline are written in a sometimes brutally honest but always relatable way. And her mother's late diagnosis of autism... all the "what-if?"s and "if only"s the author and her family had to process in the aftermath. A totally immersive memoir that's tough and tender, heart-wrenching and yet hopeful.A Place for Everything
September 8, 2021
a searing account of a mother's late-diagnosis of autism – and its reaching effects on a whole family; also focusing on what it means to care for our parents in their final years.
i love the way the story was written; really easy to understand & it flows through pretty well. however, there were some parts where i felt a bit agitated because it felt forceful esp when it comes to how the author interprets certain situations that somehow seems exaggerated. perhaps its bc of the intention of wanting to express the raw emotions well esp during the stressful situations but they turned out a bit too much personally for me.
but!! its still a book that i managed to finish reading in a few sittings and thats pretty rare for me when it comes to reading non-fic :")
i love the way the story was written; really easy to understand & it flows through pretty well. however, there were some parts where i felt a bit agitated because it felt forceful esp when it comes to how the author interprets certain situations that somehow seems exaggerated. perhaps its bc of the intention of wanting to express the raw emotions well esp during the stressful situations but they turned out a bit too much personally for me.
but!! its still a book that i managed to finish reading in a few sittings and thats pretty rare for me when it comes to reading non-fic :")
August 25, 2025
I thank the author for coming out with this book. Her narration truly captured how it is to be a family caregiver, especially to a family member with a mental health condition. Some people may find the content at times heavy, at times repetitive. But that is how it really is in a caregiver’s life. I appreciate her honest sharing of raw emotions and innermost thoughts.
I also care for a parent who is suspected to have Asperger’s. I lament how people don’t seem to care for an older generation who may be going about life undiagnosed. Most of the attention and resources are spent on children only. Autism in adults need more understanding, research and structured support. May this book be one of the initiatives that spark action towards this matter.
I also care for a parent who is suspected to have Asperger’s. I lament how people don’t seem to care for an older generation who may be going about life undiagnosed. Most of the attention and resources are spent on children only. Autism in adults need more understanding, research and structured support. May this book be one of the initiatives that spark action towards this matter.
June 29, 2020
A raw and heartfelt account that was at times difficult to read for crying so much, yet fascinating and gripping and so very well told.
Through unsettling scenes from her childhood to the stress and agonies when dealing with her parents downward spiral, this memoir is an eye opener to the hoops one has to jump through to get health professionals to listen and empathise. Information about Autism is cleverly weaved into the book and you're totally with the author when she and her sister get the much-needed diagnosis.
I loved this book. At times is felt like I was reading a complex love story told through the eyes of the daughter and with the added complication and heartache of undiagnosed mental health. Highly recommend.
Through unsettling scenes from her childhood to the stress and agonies when dealing with her parents downward spiral, this memoir is an eye opener to the hoops one has to jump through to get health professionals to listen and empathise. Information about Autism is cleverly weaved into the book and you're totally with the author when she and her sister get the much-needed diagnosis.
I loved this book. At times is felt like I was reading a complex love story told through the eyes of the daughter and with the added complication and heartache of undiagnosed mental health. Highly recommend.
July 21, 2020
This memoir was an emotional, raw page turner. The honesty with which Wilson writes is breathtaking. Whilst her relationship with her mother was clearly difficult throughout her life, Wilson's love for her is clear, along with the resentment, frustration and fear. The relief and understanding given by a late diagnosis of autism is palpable and one I personally recognise as a mother to a daughter who was diagnosed in her late teens. If only a diagnosis had been available much sooner her mother's mental health decline perhaps could have been prevented. I wept buckets for all concerned. A must read for anyone trying to navigate mental health services in the UK. Wonderful.
August 24, 2020
Anna Wilson’s memoir is a searingly personal account of a time when her mother’s mental illness after years of coping with undiagnosed autism coincided with her father’s diagnosis with cancer. Her parents story and their deep love of one another intersect with Anna’s memories of a mother who was always ‘different’ and sometimes frightening and a time of trying desperately to care for them as their lives unravel . Anna’s honesty and her raw emotions, including anger, frustration and despair burn off the page just as her compassion and fierce determination to care for her parents alongside her beloved sister Carrie, shine equally brightly.
May 22, 2020
I have a family member who has Aspergers Syndrome and got a late diagnosis like the author's mother, so this book really resonated with me. It is beautifully written. Very moving and made me cry! Lots of girls and women don't get a diagnosis of autism in time because they "mask" their behaviour. This book shows what can happen to people in the long-term if they don't get help. It shows how both the woman with Aspergers and the family can also suffer. Having said that, it was an easy read and I loved it.
July 9, 2020
"𝘈 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.
𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦."
Anna Wilson has written and shared an honest and intimate fuelled account of life with her Mother, seen to many as 'eccentric' but who in reality was living with undiagnosed autism. She writes of the challenges that surfaced later in life when her Mother's mental state began to deteriorate and her Father was unable to cope alone and of the struggles herself and her sister faced when trying to get someone in authority to listen and to help.
The topic of Asperger's is what drew me initially to Anna's book but what I didn't except was how absorbed I would become with her family story and the feelings of empathy her words would make me feel. Despite the topic, her style of writing and complete honesty made it very easy to read, it almost read as if you were having a conversation with a friend.
I learnt a few new things about autism, which I found both interesting and helpful. And was shocked at how difficult it was to get a diagnosis of Asperger's, Anna's Mother was in her seventies before autism was even suggested. This book has really opened my eyes to the reality faced by people living with autism and of those who may be caring for them.
𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦."
Anna Wilson has written and shared an honest and intimate fuelled account of life with her Mother, seen to many as 'eccentric' but who in reality was living with undiagnosed autism. She writes of the challenges that surfaced later in life when her Mother's mental state began to deteriorate and her Father was unable to cope alone and of the struggles herself and her sister faced when trying to get someone in authority to listen and to help.
The topic of Asperger's is what drew me initially to Anna's book but what I didn't except was how absorbed I would become with her family story and the feelings of empathy her words would make me feel. Despite the topic, her style of writing and complete honesty made it very easy to read, it almost read as if you were having a conversation with a friend.
I learnt a few new things about autism, which I found both interesting and helpful. And was shocked at how difficult it was to get a diagnosis of Asperger's, Anna's Mother was in her seventies before autism was even suggested. This book has really opened my eyes to the reality faced by people living with autism and of those who may be caring for them.
August 26, 2025
As someone in the field of psychology, I am sincerely sorry that we failed you.
Your story reminds us of the most important thing one will ever learn—perspective. It wasn't your mother's fault that she saw the world differently, nor was it your father's for taking care of her in ways he knew (may they rest in peace), but neither was it yours and your sister's because you were only doing what you were taught to do since you were children. Thank you for your life story with us. I heard you and I understand you.
Your story reminds us of the most important thing one will ever learn—perspective. It wasn't your mother's fault that she saw the world differently, nor was it your father's for taking care of her in ways he knew (may they rest in peace), but neither was it yours and your sister's because you were only doing what you were taught to do since you were children. Thank you for your life story with us. I heard you and I understand you.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 22, 2020
Moving, gripping and raw, I found this book impossible to put down. As much as it is about autism - and the tragedy of Wilson’s mother being undiagnosed and therefore misunderstood for a lifetime - it’s also about families, and the roles we are given and stick to even as we grow. Even if you have no experience of caring for someone with ASD, this book will make you pause and reflect. Haunting and beautifully written, this is a memoir that will stay with me for years to come.
April 10, 2021
Beautifully written, in such a way that you feel the pain of everyone involved without them expressing it. What started out as what seemed to be an “interesting” read, soon had my full attention and even my TEARS (something I don’t think has ever happened while reading).
A story of heartbreak, misunderstandings, frustration, but most of all, of love.
A story of heartbreak, misunderstandings, frustration, but most of all, of love.
May 14, 2021
Anyone who has ever taken care of an ill parent or acted as a caretaker of a loved one should read this book, as it so beautifully illustrates the ups and downs of the many hurdles and emotions that are married to the role.
This was an easy read - it takes you through such a heartbreaking yet honourable experience.
This was an easy read - it takes you through such a heartbreaking yet honourable experience.
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