What Happened To You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

by Bruce D. Perry, Oprah Winfrey

Our earliest experiences shape our lives far down the road, and What Happened to You? provides powerful scientific and emotional insights into the behavioral patterns so many of us struggle to understand.

“Through this lens we can build a renewed sense of personal self-worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances, situations, and relationships. It is, in other words, the key to reshaping our very lives.”—Oprah Winfrey

This book is going to change the way you see your life.

Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that?" or "Why can't I just control my behavior?" Others may judge our reactions and think, "What's wrong with that person?" When questioning our emotions, it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard. It's time we started asking a different question.

Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?”

Here, Winfrey shares stories from her own past, understanding through experience the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma and adversity at a young age. In conversation throughout the book, she and Dr. Perry focus on understanding people, behavior, and ourselves. It’s a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma, and it’s one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future—opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven, powerful way.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Audiobook, Mental Health, Health, Personal Development

304 pages, Hardcover

First published April 27, 2021

About the author

Bruce D. Perry is an American psychiatrist, currently the senior fellow of the Child Trauma Academy in Houston, Texas and an adjunct professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago, Illinois.

Reviews

[Mario the lone bookwolf · Rating 5 out of 5]

Possibly one of the best DIY self help, brain fix, auto mind penetration for better, more massive mental reconstruction, books ever written

Combining the scientific with the personal emotional to better understand the reasons
Other authors might have just focused on the theoretical, neurochemical, brain architecture, epigenetic traits, etc. way, the just psychiatric psychological foundations, or on personal, emotional examples, but by combining the science and knowledge offered by Perry with the wisdom and real life experiences of Oprah, the book reaches new levels of accessibility to help readers find out how broken they really are. And accepting and understanding what caused years and decades of self doubt, fragility, and mental problems is the key to the solution in the form of a fresh, better, and more stable self.

The medical, neurological part of PTSD and trauma manifested and shown with real life examples that might be disturbing and too much for some readers
The above mentioned balance stays perfect throughout the whole book, Perry delivers the understandable, broken down science which is spiced and exponentiated by Opray, who is not getting weaker by opening herself up to what happened to her, but stronger by accepting, forgiving, and thereby creating a positive, better, and healthier self. That´s another key element, not believing that one is this body, emotion, diagnosis, or mind, but that´s it´s just the current, changeable state one can form to whatever kingdom or hell one wants to live in. Including another extremely challenging part, not forgiving, but accepting the perpetrators and the impact they had without triggering flashbacks.

The baby makes the child makes the teen makes the adult brain and identity.
Understanding that one can get out of her/his skin, break the doom loop, escape the self made mental torture chamber, can just be achieved by reflecting on how the present state of mind has been reached, what made one the person one is. Desillusion of self and ego, something close to enlightenment, might be an a bit too big, unrealistic option for beginners, but the central, most important key element on the way is the same. Accepting that one doesn´t have to be the person, described by adjectives, mindsets, or mainstream psychological traits, one was made and used to be, because change is possible. And just that milestone leads to

Healing and an end of suffering
Just by understanding and realizing how miserable one really is, the step towards finally growing scars, on wounds festering for years, can be done. Gratitude, exercise, mindfulness, meditation, Buddhism, perseverance, and discipline are necessary to reach this extremely tricky goal. Social nets and family can help, but the most essential part is to transform and metamorphize from helpless victim or mentally sick and unstable patient who suffers, takes pills, goes to therapy for years, and never dares to dig down to the core of the problems and confront oneself with them, to someone developing auto self repair functions and resilience.

Don´t fight or flight, meditate and find inner peace
The key problem, I found in close to all similar works, is to never understand that an untrained monkey mind is an accelerating self destruction train that is getting more and more momentum by changing neural passways, by deepening all problems by conditioning the personality to more fear, fright, avoiding behavior, and mental problems. While awake, the demons, memories, and injuries keep popping up as they wish to, old associations are mixed with the current life and one doesn´t even want to know what happens while sleeping. Of course, perfected mind control and years of practice are a damned hard challenge, but without that tricky psychological workout, one ends with a different, weaker, far less armored, and save brain and mind.

Personal drivel
What motivates me to reach these therapy, Buddhism, meditation nonfiction works is mostly an egoistic wish to pimp my mind to perfection, because I have the extreme luck of not having real traumatic problems, just the usual WEIRD first world problems with childhood, parents, family, the usual ridiculous stuff when compared to people who suffered real, long time mental, physical, and sexual abuse. Those might find one of the most successful ways to deal with their issues, to find a better way back to a normal life. Because the more I understand how severely my minor mini traumas influence who I was, am, and will be, the more respect I have for people who find ways out of the abysses of things done to them, so terrible that close to all average people wouldn´t find a way back out of the screaming nightmares haunting them.

Other great, similar books that are dealing with improving ones´ psychic bodys´ defences:

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9...
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3...
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1...

More to find in my 0 mental strength shelve.

A wiki walk can be as refreshing to the mind as a walk through nature in this completely overrated real life outside books:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positiv...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meditation
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autogen...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindful...

[Warda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a much needed read.

I’ve always been of the opinion that your beginnings, your childhood, your what-happened-to-you moments shape your being. Your past shapes your present, your wounds can translate into something you don’t even recognise started with some form of trauma.

The audiobook was great. It felt like I was listening to a podcast. There are case studies presented alongside the science of the mind and how the two intertwine. The science never felt too much. It was easy enough to follow and understand.

This allowed me to reflect a lot. Truth be told, it’s something I’m always thinking about.
Healing from trauma is a lifelong journey and I think my biggest takeaway from this book is that it’s never too late, it’s definitely possible and the brain is malleable. It allows you to look at your difficulties, your circumstance with grace and compassion, as well as those of others. And that your chances of healing are better with a loving support system. Whether that it is with your own family or your own found family.

A random tidbit: annoying to know that us weak humans are social creatures and need people/community to really survive and have a healthy mental well-being. That’s my plan to live like a hermit out the window.

[Elyse Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Audiobook…
read by Bruce D. Perry and
Oprah Winfrey
…..8 hours and 27 minutes

“Biologically speaking….
continuous trauma can weaken remaining neutral pathways to the thinking part of the brain and strengthen neutral pathways to the survival part, thus bypassing the thinking part, which makes some children less capable of coping with adversity as they grow up”.

The terrific duo conversational styling, was enhanced in the audiobook format.

“What Happened To You?”
rather than “what’s wrong with you?”
uncovers interesting scientific findings that directly corresponds to emotional, psychological, or physical trauma.

Genuinely eye-opening—
….new understandings about feelings, PTSD, vibration of love, etc.
….revolutionary aspects are discussed- and it makes perfect sense.
….healing possibilities are possible — no matter what the past traumatic situation was.

Clearly we are not done learning about mental health.

Well researched —a terrific addition to the great books that address worthiness, shame, vulnerability, early childhood trauma and the effects on the brain throughout a persons life…
…on self-awareness, continued education and guidelines for living wholeheartedly from a peaceful inner world of worthiness.

Interesting stories balanced with Scientific Findings.

All proceeds from this book are donated to the Boys and Girls Club Mississippi.

[Talkincloud · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jeśli macie przeczytać tylko jedną książkę w tym roku, niech to będzie ta książka. To jest podstawowa wiedza, którą powinniśmy mieć wszyscy!

[Schizanthus Nerd · Rating 5 out of 5]

As you move through the experiences of your past, know that no matter what happened, your being here, vibrant and alive, makes you worthy.
You alone are enough.

Sometimes a book will come into your life at exactly the right time. Traumas, both from childhood and more recent times, have been making themselves known to me with an urgency I haven’t experienced before, at a time that seems more inconvenient than pretty much any other time in my life. Although I’d love to push it all to the side, with a ‘Not now! Can’t you see I’m busy reading?’, there’s also a knowing that there’s never going to be a good time and that maybe, just maybe, there’s a reason it’s all coming up for me now.

So, here I am, trying to figure out what healing will look like for me and having conversations with people who are seeing my resilience from the outside in vastly different ways than I’m perceiving it from the inside. Then this book, which covers the trifecta of what my brain has decided is my priority right now (trauma, resilience and healing), makes its way into my world.

The shift from asking ‘what’s wrong with you?’ to ‘what happened to you?’ is something I’ve yearned to hear for most of my life. Western society is so fixed on labels, which I know have their place and can be useful, but all too often pasting a diagnosis (or multiple diagnoses) on someone marginalises them more than it helps them. If we don’t get to the core of why a person behaves the way they do then we’re really missing the point, and the opportunity to best support them.

All of us want to know that what we do, what we say and who we are, matters.

Dr. Perry’s work in understanding how the brain’s development is impacted by early trauma helps explain why we behave the way we do, for example, why some people lash out in anger and others withdraw into themselves.

There’s science in this book but it was explained in a way that made sense to me, someone who hasn’t formally studied science since high school. Even if you don’t understand a concept the first time it’s mentioned it’s okay as it will be referred to in later conversations. If words like ‘brainstem’, ‘diencephalon’, ‘limbic’ and ‘cortex’ make you want to disengage, I’d encourage you to hold on because how the science relates to someone’s life will be explained. This, in turn, will make it easier to apply what’s being said to your own life. You’ll read about people Dr. Perry has worked with, people Oprah has interviewed and about Oprah’s own experiences.

Knowledge truly is powerful and simply having an understanding of why a smell or sound (‘evocative cues’) can cause people with PTSD to have flashbacks, making them feel as though they’re right back in that moment, feels like half the battle. If you’re not caught up in judging yourself for your brain responding the way that it does, then it frees up so much energy that you can use to regulate yourself.

I learned about how our view of the world becomes a “self-fulfilling prophecy”, why self harm makes so much sense to the people who do it (even though it baffles the people who don’t), the importance of rhythm in regulation, how vital connections with other people are to healing and why I need to learn more about neuroplasticity.

I gained a much better understanding of flock, freeze, flight and fight. Dissociation, which I thought I knew all about from personal experience, make much more sense to me now, as does why I find reading so helpful in my everyday life.

I love facts and there were some that really put what I was reading into context for me.

During the first nine months, fetal brain development is explosive, at times reaching a rate of 20,000 new neurons ‘born’ per second. In comparison, an adult may, on a good day, create 700.

This book isn’t about blaming anyone for your trauma and it’s not giving you an excuse for bad behaviour. It does explain why you react the way you do and can help silence the voice inside you that tells you there’s something wrong with you because of it - your reaction is reasonable given your history but there is also hope; you can heal.

I would recommend this book to so many people. Before I’d even begun reading I’d recommended it to my GP and would not hesitate in recommending it to anyone who works in a profession that brings them into contact with young children and their families or trauma survivors.

To this day, the role that trauma and developmental adversity play in mental and physical health remains under appreciated.

I would recommend it to trauma survivors, although with a few caveats: that they stay safe while reading (some of the content is bound to be triggering), read at their own pace and make good use of their support system as needed. Loved ones of trauma survivors will find explanations for why their friend or family member behaves the way that they do and ways they can help.

I’m not someone who usually listens to audiobooks but if there’s a book that would be more suited for that format than this one, a series of conversations between Dr. Perry and Oprah, I can’t think of it. Of course, having grown up with Oprah, I heard everything she said in her voice as I read anyway but I’m definitely planning to reread via audiobook.

It takes courage to confront your actions, peel back the layers of trauma in our lives and expose the raw truth of what happened.
But, this is where healing begins.

Content warnings include mention of addiction, alcoholism, bullying, death by suicide, domestic violence, foster care, gun violence, mental health, murder, neglect, physical abuse, physical health, poverty, racism, self harm, sexual assault, slavery, suicidal ideation and traumatic loss.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Bluebird, an imprint of Pan Macmillan, for the opportunity to read this book.

Blog - https://schizanthusnerd.com

[Desiree · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not all that impressed with this one, Oprah. Unless you are very interested in child development/psychology, not sure this is worth the time. Additionally, I don't agree that trauma can only encompass severe situations (e.g., sexual abuse, child abuse). I personally have a broader definition, and this book didn't include relevant information from that perspective. There also wasn't much about how to heal the trauma, especially as an adult. I do, however, like the idea of reframing the question to what happened to you, rather than what's wrong with you, and relieving some of the victim aspect while not dissolving accountability.

[Holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has something for everyone and I highly recommend it! First of all let me say - you absolutely should go with the audiobook for this one. Oprah narrates it along with Dr. Perry and it's almost like listening to a really interesting podcast. There is science and information provided, but it's always tied to real life examples and experiences that keeps you interested while also helping you better understand the concepts being discussed. I personally don't have any specific trauma (that I can recall anyways) to work through but I still found this book to be really helpful, and not in a corny "self-help book" kind of way. I think everyone could benefit from reading this, and here are just some examples:

- Are you a fan of Oprah? You can learn about her own traumatic childhood experiences and how she is also working to help support traumatized students in the girls' school she created. The epilogue concerning her mother made me cry and I am not a crier.
- Are you a parent? You can learn why your child literally can't process your instructions when they are not in a regulated state of mind and how your own regulation (or lack thereof) might be impacting your interactions with your child.
- Have you had a traumatic experience, no matter how big or small? You can learn how it might be impacting you in ways you aren't even aware of!
- Have you wondered why some people (maybe even yourself or someone you love) have patterns of self destructive behavior such as cutting, actively pushing away supportive relationships, and using social media to seek self-affirmation? All of these things are discussed and explained!
- Are you interested in more 'natural' healing? Learn how indigenous groups have successfully healed trauma and issues of regulation without 'therapy'.
- Are you a teacher or someone who works with children? You can learn how and why problematic child behaviors can be tied to trauma, why trauma that occurs in earlier ages lasts longer, and how prioritizing resolving issues with regulation first can improve all other facets in a child's life including their ability to learn.
- Do you or someone you know suffer from PTSD? You can learn why your brain reacts in certain ways before you can even process thoughts about a triggering situation.

I really can't recommend this book enough - go get this audiobook! You won't regret it.

[Maede · Rating 5 out of 5]

از مهم ترین کتاب‌هایی که امسال خواندم

این کتاب رو بخونید اگر
پدر و مادرید
قراره پدر و مادر بشید
در کودکی یا زندگی تجربه‌ی تراما داشتید
کسی رو می‌شناسید که تجربه‌ی تراما داره
اضطراب، افسردگی و اختلال‌های دیگه زندگیتون رو تحت تاثیر قرار داده
می‌خواید درک بهتری از عمکرد مغز در مواجهه با تراما داشته باشید

این کتاب رو بخونید که به جای سوال
تو چرا اینجوری هستی؟
بپرسید
چه اتفاقی برات افتاده؟

این کتاب یک مکالمه‌ی طولانی و ارزشمند بین اپرا وینفری و دکتر پِری یک روانشناس شناخته‌ شده‌ست. ماهیت مکالمه در مورد تراما، به خصوص در کودکان، اثرات بلند مدتش و روش‌های بهبود هست. دکتر پری از سال‌ها تجربه‌ش در این زمینه استفاده می‌کنه و با مثال‌های مختلف مسئله رو باز می‌کنه. اپرا هم از تجربه‌ی مکالماتش با افراد مختلف و تراما در زندگی خودش استفاده می‌کنه تا اثرات تراما رو بهتر نشان بده


اتفاق خوبی که این مدت داره برام میوفته اینه که اهمیت یک تکنیک برای بهبودی در چند کتاب مختلف تکرار میشه و این تکرارها هم برام یادآوری خوبیه، هم مطمئن‌ترم می‌کنه که چقدر مهم هستند. اما چند نکته که به ویژه از این کتاب یاد گرفتم

یک. فقر ما در روابط ریشه‌ی درده‌. روابط بین انسان‌ها که در جهان مدرن کمرنگ و کمرنگ‌تر شدن چیزیه که مغز ما بهش نیاز داره و باهاش بهبود پیدا می‌کنه
دو. وقتی یک فرد از حالت «تنظیم شده» خارج میشه، باید با فعالیت‌های مختلفی خودش رو دوباره تنظیم کنه. این فعالیت‌ها می‌تونه کارهایی که الگوی تکراری دارند باشه. مثل پیاده‌روی، رقص و رنگ‌آمیزی
سه. تراپی فیزیکی درست به اندازه‌ی تراپی برای روان مهمه. تماس فیزیکی چیزیه که انسان‌ها بهش نیاز دارند
چهار. مغزی که عادت داشته جهانی محدود با حداکثر صد نفر انسان رو پردازش کنه، حالا در شهرهای بزرگ، در مواجهه به این همه غریبه، صدا، نور و رنگ خسته‌ست و در حالت اضطراب قرار داره

من صوتی این کتاب رو با صدای خودشون گوش کردم که واقعا مثل یک پادکست طولانی عالی بود

این جمله‌ی اپرا رو هم می‌خوام اینجا نگه دارم

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.

این کانال جدیدیه که بعد از بسته شدن قبلی درست کردم و کتاب‌ها و ریویو‌ها رو اینجا می‌گذارم
Maede's Books

۱۴۰۱/۸/۲۶

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very meaningful and thought-provoking book. I listened to this on audio, which was an enjoyable conversation between the great Oprah Winfrey and her longtime collaborator Dr. Perry, a neuroscientist and child psychologist who specializes in trauma and how it affects the brain.

The discussions of the brain were well-done and made it easier for a layperson like me to understand. And I appreciated the wide variety of stories Oprah and Perry shared that illustrated the impact trauma can have on a person.

I liked this book so much I already bought multiple copies to share. Highly recommended for those interested in psychology.

[Sonal Apte · Rating 5 out of 5]

This should absolutely be required reading for everyone. Why? Because it explains how we don't really know anyone until we know what happened to them. And from that perspective, it gives educators, parents, and really everybody who interacts with humans a new perspective on why we as humans act the way we do.

It's easily the best non-clinical book on trauma I've ever read. Definite must read.

[Rachel Hanes · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is probably a book that everyone should sit down with. I know what happened to me, and with age comes wisdom. But looking back many, many years ago- I didn’t know why I acted the way I did. Why I was so naive, gullible, and such a people pleaser? As I grew older, I started to figure things out (the hard way-as I never had any type of teacher or support system), and I’ve learned to do better. Like Maya Angelou says, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better”. But on to the book…

Dr. Bruce Perry is an empathetic genius! He doesn’t judge people without first learning their background and how they were brought up (he still isn’t judging them, just finding out what happened to them). Both Dr. Perry and Oprah Winfrey give great stories about their lives and the lives of others in this book. We learn instead of looking at someone and wondering (or asking) “What’s wrong with you?”, we need to ask “What happened to you?”

For instance, as Dr. Perry describes, we can look at a big, beautiful home that is immaculately decorated and furnished. We may think it’s one of the nicest, sturdiest, houses around just basing it on what we see. However, if the wiring and plumbing inside the walls are faulty- which we can’t see, then the house isn’t going to be as wonderful as we thought. This same method applies to a person- just because someone appears to be fine on the outside, we have no idea what traumas are being stored on the inside. We need to always remember this, especially when dealing with someone (or multiple people) who seem to be problematic.

Oprah also had many heartbreaking and heart rendering stories to tell throughout this book. Oprah also talks a lot about healing and said, “Very often, “what happened” takes years to reveal itself. It takes courage to confront our actions, peel back the layers of trauma in our lives, and expose the raw truth of our past. But this is where healing begins”.

Yes, I learned quite a bit from this book. The chapters and information were very eye opening. The only reason I gave four stars instead of five stars was because towards the end, this book did start to feel too much like a textbook. I enjoyed reading about the personal stories more than the anatomy of the brain. However, the anatomy of the brain is important in learning how and why our traumas are stored.

I do recommend reading this book. In fact, I think it’s a must read for everyone. We all need to learn how to connect, communicate, and understand one another.

[Jess · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book a lot, but it just didn’t hit for me. The idea is important - ask about what happened to you rather than what is “wrong” with you. However, the vast majority of the book focuses on infant and early childhood experiences and barely touches on trauma that happens in young adult or adulthood. I came away feeling like this book was more about parenting than about healing from trauma. The best parts were about Oprah’s own life and childhood; those sections were emotionally impactful.

[Jen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book and I did like the theme that pulsed throughout. However, I had some issues with the mixed messages such as "if you didn't know love as a child, you can never love", then later on saying everyone can heal. Also, many times throughout the book there was some negative generalizations and pre-judging of single parents, which I found highly inappropriate. (There are some single parents who are rocking it and some two-parent homes that are not.). Finally, confirmation bias was prevalent throughout, as the book seemed riddled with sensational, cherry picked stories used to illustrate the point.

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Imagine you experience trauma. As a result, you will have physical and mental reactions that your body uses to help you get out of the situation. Sometimes this is useful, in many cases it causes new problems. Winfrey and Perry discuss this, giving examples, adding biographical context and explaining the neurological reasons for what is happening. This is not only about trauma resulting from sexual abuse, though there are many references to that as well. Instead, you’ll find examples from situations like kidnapping, shooting, murder, and more.

Some of these passages could at times appear a little too long, which happens because Perry, an expert on trauma, gives so detailed examples and explanations. However, what he says is necessary to create the complete picture, and I think this book is one that takes time anyway, so I didn't really mind. There are many references to heartbreaking and serious situations which are used to explain the reasons for how and why people react in certain ways.
All in all this was a great book, and the authors manage to tell about rather complex issues in an understandable way.
5 out of 5 stars

[Brittany · Rating 4 out of 5]

Man, I really loved this book. It was an incredibly fascinating tour through the way the MIND processes trauma. There was a quote, "we prefer the certainty of misery to the misery of uncertainty", that stuck with me when he said it. He also points out that in trauma, we are not "resilient". We don't bounce back unchanged. We are forever changed. And we have to work hard to readjust and change the lens which has been altered during the traumatic event. We're malleable. Not resilient. I appreciated that. Abuse of any sort changes you. Period. You NEVER see things the same way you did prior. It's learning to change that lens again afterward that is the process of healing.

I loved this book a lot. It was a really great listen as I'm on my own journey and I highly recommend it.

[Eloise Hampson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good but repetitive lol

[Lindsay Nixon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Yowza. This was just too boring and scattered

I’ve read several books on trauma, PTSD, how the body keeps score, and so very little was new to me and how it was presented was inferior to previous explanations.

I also found it lacking in enough varied examples or actionable suggestions. Switching between the doctor “explaining” and Oprah coming in (it came across as interruptive) with her experience made me think it would have been better to turn this into a memoir with professional analysis ... maybe.

It isn’t a helpful manual in my experience.

Summary: this book didn’t work for me but I appreciate any books written in the mental health space especially by beloved celebs.

DNF

[Alex Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This should be a required book for everyone.

[Mary · Rating 1 out of 5]

If I could give this a negative rating and tell everyone NOT to read it, I would.
Before I picked up a copy of this, I read reviews and it was presented as if it were a selection of stories from actual trauma survivors. Instead we have a very scientifically worded, very LONG, interview between Oprah and Dr. Perry about the topic and trauma and how they believe it affects others. I found it plodding and dull, presenting no actual new information, and only a small handful of survivors' stories were actually shared, and then only briefly.
I closed the book when I read how Dr. Perry treated one such trauma survivor as a guinea pig in an experiment -- an experiment the patient could NOT consent to because he was a 12 year old boy in a coma thanks to his foster family's neglect and abuse. As a survivor of trauma myself, I found that utterly VILE and unethical. This "doctor" should be ashamed of himself.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

What if we asked “what happened to you?” Instead of “what’s wrong with you?”? What if we heal the generational trauma instead of passing it on to the next generation?

This book fabulous! It gave me lots to think about and reminded me to have more grace for myself and others, we are all fighting deep wounds.

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a real gem. The two authors managed to easily explain concepts and theory in a way that made them clear. I can’t say I really have understood the theories so throughly before. The cases fit perfectly and made it an engaging read, and made the concepts even easier to grasp. Can’t recommend this book enough.

[Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Our world is filled with so many kind, capable, and creative people. We are a curious species. We will continue to discover, invent, and learn. We can make our world a safer, more just, and humane place for all.”
What a wonderful closing quote. Oh, the empathy expressed in this book! The kindness! The (moderately) scientific explanations for observed psychological or physiological phenomena!! This was just well done, all around.
Super recommend to anyone going through or considering therapy.

[Joyce]

This was one of the best non-clinical books about trauma that I have ever experienced. I listened to the audio and would strongly recommend this format.

[Mai Mohamed · Rating 5 out of 5]

الغلاف لطيف اوي، مريح وبسيط 😌
جميل اوي الكتاب برشحه جداا😌
لغته لطيفة وسلسلة
عجبني قصص الأشخاص كمثال ع كل فصل
عجبني اوي اوي اخر جزء اللي اوبرا كانت كتبها عن علاقتها بوالدتها ف اخر أيامها 👌

[Vinay Sutaria · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't find the ideas presented in this book very novel. This could partially be due to my bias, or the fact that the knowledge presented in this book is easily found elsewhere. I think the subtitle of the book can be changed to 'Conversations on Childhood Trauma, Resilience and Healing'.
The majority of the content is linked to early childhood and is suited towards understanding the reasons behind trauma as opposed to practical solutions (which I thought I would discover).

All in all, Dr. Bruce Perry is very well-experienced and that is clear from the conversations he has in this book with Oprah. But you can save your money buying this book and just watch the YouTube interviews.

[Arezoo Alipanah · Rating 5 out of 5]

به نظرم‌ این‌ از اون کتاباست که هر کسی باید تو زندگیش‌حداقل یه بار بخونه.
قشنگ دست میذاره رو عمیق‌ترین قسمتهای وجودت، همه رو بیرون میکشه و جلوت ردیف میکنه.
با هرفصلش گریه کردم، دوباره و سه باره گوش دادم و خودمو بهتر فهمیدم. چندبار دیگه ام میخونمش...

کاش میشد تک تک بچه‌هایی که توی کتاب ذکرشده بودنو بغل کنم و بگم تنها نیستین، برای من مهمین، من اهمیت میدم چی کشیدین، و هر اتفاقیم که بیفته فرقی نداره.‌‌..شما‌ مهمین، با ارزشین و هرچیزی که افتادست که شما رو شکل میده...
امیدوارم خدا امثال اپرا رو تو این دنیا بیشتر کنه که شاید همچین آدمایی بتونن انقد کثافت جمع شده تو این دنیا رو قابل تحمل تر کنن و لاقل برای بعد از خودشون دنیای بهتری رقم‌بزنن.

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.
But we cannot move forward if we're still holding on to the pain of that past.
All of us who have been broken and scarred by trauma have the chance to turn those experiences into what Dr. Perry and I have been talking about: post-traumatic wisdom.
Forgive yourself, forgive them.
Step out of your history and into the path of your future.

[Whitney Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the kind of stuff I read on my day off from doing trauma work. I thought this was an excellent book on trauma and trauma informed care that is accessible to anyone wanting to learn more about trauma work. This was also great to read as someone feeling some intense compassion fatigue these days. It is always a great to have a refresher to help me reframe and refocus my work so that compassion fatigue doesn’t just completely wipe me out. I would recommend this to lay people and even other therapists that need to shift focus work.

[DeB · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciated the amalgamation of many theories on behaviour, trauma, PTSD coordinated with the latest neuroscience. Much to consider- I did some personal reflection.

Oprah’s voice is strongly represented with her personal story and experience; whether that is a negative or positive will depend on the reader.

For the average person, certainly worth reading and considering “what happened to you?” versus “what’s wrong with you?”, or assigning blame to anyone - thinking about empathy.

The phrase “post-traumatic wisdom” was new to me- from Dr. Bruce Perry. Understanding how the brain works from trauma, the path of stress and the process of living with the scars provides insight.

Much is subject matter available in many places, or has been presented at other times elsewhere but this summary is worthy of contemplation.

[sunny (ethel cain’s version) · Rating 5 out of 5]

“What happened to you..can be your power.”

I realized that my favorite parts of this book were everything having to do with Oprah. She sang to us and she told us about a very intimate moment right before her mother’s death. Her words and stories are very powerful and moving to me.

Now Bruce on the other hand, is another white cis man moving in mainly circles of women and children and non-binary folks who have experienced deep trauma worldwide. Thankfully he actually is a psychiatrist, but I didn’t agree with everything he said.

“You can’t give what you don’t have” is a lie because I know mothers who have used their own hands to make things out of thin air for their own child. Maybe this is true in the realm of white straight cis men. We have seen it time and time again but here he is confirming it to the masses.

Regardless, this book for me personally was 5 stars because of how I felt while reading it and my personal experience.


Please please PLEASE! Listen to the audiobook! I beg of you! You won’t be sorry🖤🤟🏻

[Michelle Jarc · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I have read about trauma. Just exceptional. I replayed so many parts of this audiobook to listen to again, to reflect, and to take notes. I ordered the book so that I can have my own copy. Teachers, parents, anyone who works with children - this is a must read. Here are just a few quotes that made the most impact on me....
1) "The past is not an excuse but an explanation.....this is where healing begins".
2) "It takes a long time to change people and an even longer time to change systems".
3)"There is a toxic mismatch between a child's capabilities and the unrealistic expectations of an educational system that is under resourced, developmentally uniformed, and trauma ignorant".
4) "Disconnection is disease....we are raising youth in a society where there is loss of community, social isolation, relationship impoverished, and sensory overloaded.....there is constant bombardment of social novelty and lack of reciprocal relationships. "