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The Milkman's Son: A Memoir of Family History, a DNA Mystery, and a Story of Paternal Love
Raised in a family he bore little resemblance to, Randy was jokingly referred to as "the milkman’s son." This warm and candid memoir chronicles the unraveling of a family secret, which begins with Randy’s dad having dreams about deceased relatives urging him to complete their family tree. Randy agrees to help with the genealogy, but after his searching leads to a dead end, he takes a commercially available DNA test. The results reveal a possible genetic match to a sister, which begins a familial quest that forever changes the author’s life.
Featuring a cast of vivid characters, richly drawn from two distinct families, The Milkman’s Son reveals one man’s family tree, pulling back layers of new information as he gets closer to the truth—a biological father, siblings, and family members he never knew about.
This is a story of accepting, forgiving, reuniting, and, most importantly, it’s about the bonds that connect us and the unconditional love that makes us feel like we belong.
Featuring a cast of vivid characters, richly drawn from two distinct families, The Milkman’s Son reveals one man’s family tree, pulling back layers of new information as he gets closer to the truth—a biological father, siblings, and family members he never knew about.
This is a story of accepting, forgiving, reuniting, and, most importantly, it’s about the bonds that connect us and the unconditional love that makes us feel like we belong.
250 pages, Hardcover
First published March 3, 2020
30 people are currently reading
2393 people want to read
About the author
Randy Lindsay
22 books113 followersRANDY LINDSAY is a world traveler. Which sounds impressive until you realize the worlds he visits exist only in his mind and on the pages of his novels. He claims to prefer this method of sightseeing because he can stop at any time, go to the kitchen, and indulge his ice cream addiction. When he isn't busy making things up he likes going to movies with his wife to watch what other people have made up and plays board games with his children who are in the habit of making up the rules as they go along.
WWW.RanTheStoryMan.com
WWW.RanTheStoryMan.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 153 reviews
November 17, 2019
This is probably going to be the last memoir I ever read by someone who discovers one or both of their parents aren’t their biological parents. All these books start sounding alike, including this one; although I thought it might possibly be different when the author’s siblings laughed when he told them their father wasn’t his father, and his wife acted nonchalant about the matter. Maybe this memoir would be more lighthearted and less forlorn than other similar memoirs. But, alas, not too long after the author apparently told absolutely everyone he knows what his DNA test revealed, he is complaining that people keep asking him about the matter and wondering when they would cease doing so. Gee, if he didn’t tell everyone, everyone wouldn’t be asking! Moreover, when he discovered the secret wasn't such a secret in his family, he sounds like a horribly hurt child, as he does some other times throughout the memoir.
It’s tiresome to keep reading stories of middle-aged adults sounding like hurt children. It’s understandable if a teenager or someone in their twenties becomes traumatized when they discover a parent isn’t their biological one; but when middle-aged individuals act traumatized, they remind me of adults who like to call themselves orphans if both their parents are dead. (Hint, hint--adults with no living parents don’t end up in orphanages or foster care.) Don’t they know who they are by the time they hit their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, etc.? Don’t they know a lot of individuals grow up feeling like they don’t belong in their families, including so many who were raised by their biological parents? All the angst and overthinking gets dull, as does so many of the family conversations and mundane events, because the reader is not a member of the author’s family.
In addition, the author’s disagreement with his wife about the money needed to visit his biological family a second time was a private matter, not a public issue. Crowdfunding to finance a plane trip to Jersey? Really? I’m finished with these DNA test, adoption, artificial insemination types of books. Finished. As stated earlier, they all eventually sound alike, even though the events and endings can be very different. Maybe we need to start placing more value on personal privacy and family privacy, too. That’s not to suggest we go back to the days when family secrets were rigidly guarded and never spoken of outside of the family. It’s to suggest that many family secrets and family stories may not be that interesting to those outside of the family, especially when book after book is published of similar secrets and stories.
(Note: I received a free e-ARC of this book from NetGalley and the publisher or author.)
It’s tiresome to keep reading stories of middle-aged adults sounding like hurt children. It’s understandable if a teenager or someone in their twenties becomes traumatized when they discover a parent isn’t their biological one; but when middle-aged individuals act traumatized, they remind me of adults who like to call themselves orphans if both their parents are dead. (Hint, hint--adults with no living parents don’t end up in orphanages or foster care.) Don’t they know who they are by the time they hit their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, etc.? Don’t they know a lot of individuals grow up feeling like they don’t belong in their families, including so many who were raised by their biological parents? All the angst and overthinking gets dull, as does so many of the family conversations and mundane events, because the reader is not a member of the author’s family.
In addition, the author’s disagreement with his wife about the money needed to visit his biological family a second time was a private matter, not a public issue. Crowdfunding to finance a plane trip to Jersey? Really? I’m finished with these DNA test, adoption, artificial insemination types of books. Finished. As stated earlier, they all eventually sound alike, even though the events and endings can be very different. Maybe we need to start placing more value on personal privacy and family privacy, too. That’s not to suggest we go back to the days when family secrets were rigidly guarded and never spoken of outside of the family. It’s to suggest that many family secrets and family stories may not be that interesting to those outside of the family, especially when book after book is published of similar secrets and stories.
(Note: I received a free e-ARC of this book from NetGalley and the publisher or author.)
March 10, 2020
I was very excited to read this book, but I never realized how deeply Randy Lindsay's experience would affect me and draw me into his story. This book is packed full of emotions that the reader feels right along with the author. The thought of finding out your father is not your biological father was nothing short but life-changing for the author. His personal story is delivered in a humorous but also very loving way. There were many moments when you realized how one little thing, such as a DNA test, could change so many lives. I also felt with certainty God's hand in bringing Randy to both of his families.
The Milkman's Son was so compelling that I had a terrible time putting it down so I could sleep. I felt the urgency as Randy's story unfolded and wanting to see him find his ancestors from the Lindsay side and his birth family. I also thoroughly enjoyed the great meet up when he met his New Jersey family. I wish I could spend time with them! What wonderful people to show such love and acceptance. I also felt love for his Arizona family for their continued love, support, and acceptance towards Randy.
I also have a DNA story to share, but mine hasn't progressed like the author's story. I was adopted and I've known that all of my life. I did my DNA test to find out how "Italian" I was because I already knew my birth mother was but knew nothing about my birth father. It was with great surprise to know that I'm 95% Italian(Sicilian), so now I know that both of my birth parents were Italian. My shock came when a match came through saying a certain man and I were identified as "Parent & Child". I have reached out to him but have heard nothing back. Many people are my 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. cousins but I've only heard back from one. This has made me a little sad, but I know that not everyone's story turns out like Randy's miraculous story. I love my family that raised me and I grew up with. Still, I'm not giving up hope of finding out more about this Italian side of me.
I'm hoping that The Milkman's Son will get others interested in their family history and searching out unknown or lost family members. As from Randy's experience, you can see the great joy that comes to families when all works out and lives become fuller having found each other. I loved this book and it is getting a 5-star rating from me.
The Milkman's Son was so compelling that I had a terrible time putting it down so I could sleep. I felt the urgency as Randy's story unfolded and wanting to see him find his ancestors from the Lindsay side and his birth family. I also thoroughly enjoyed the great meet up when he met his New Jersey family. I wish I could spend time with them! What wonderful people to show such love and acceptance. I also felt love for his Arizona family for their continued love, support, and acceptance towards Randy.
I also have a DNA story to share, but mine hasn't progressed like the author's story. I was adopted and I've known that all of my life. I did my DNA test to find out how "Italian" I was because I already knew my birth mother was but knew nothing about my birth father. It was with great surprise to know that I'm 95% Italian(Sicilian), so now I know that both of my birth parents were Italian. My shock came when a match came through saying a certain man and I were identified as "Parent & Child". I have reached out to him but have heard nothing back. Many people are my 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. cousins but I've only heard back from one. This has made me a little sad, but I know that not everyone's story turns out like Randy's miraculous story. I love my family that raised me and I grew up with. Still, I'm not giving up hope of finding out more about this Italian side of me.
I'm hoping that The Milkman's Son will get others interested in their family history and searching out unknown or lost family members. As from Randy's experience, you can see the great joy that comes to families when all works out and lives become fuller having found each other. I loved this book and it is getting a 5-star rating from me.
May 30, 2020
Author Randy Lindsay, who is well known for his science fiction novels, has written a memoir, “The Milkman’s Son”. The book is the result of finding out at the age of 57 that he is not the son of the father who raised him.
Lindsay, who lives in Phoenix, is contacted by a woman in New Jersey who has also been active on Ancestry and tells him that her father is his father. The rest of the book is about Randy’s worries about telling his Phoenix family that he’s part of an entirely different family and then fitting in with his new family. Well, guess what, reader, his Phoenix family had always wondered if he was their full brother but loved him so much they didn’t care he was wasn’t. And his father was fine with finding out the truth. And his new New Jersey family loved him to pieces and laid out the red carpet for Randy’s visits. He gets to know his real father. Every single person in both families are just thrilled about the news of Randy’s real parentage.
But there’s one hole in this otherwise sweet, sweet story. While we get to meet Randy and his families, very little attention is paid to his mother, who really is the center of the story. If she hadn’t married one man, while pregnant with another’s baby, none of this Hallmark After School special would have happened. In the book’s introduction, Lindsay mentions his mother but implies she didn’t want to cooperate fully with his writing her story. I have enough trouble trying to figure out my own families that I’ll stay away from trying to figure out Randy Lindsay’s.
But the major problem with this book is that it isn’t particularly well written and it badly needed an editor’s touch. I reckon it could have been 50 pages shorter, particularly if mentions of Philly Cheese Steaks were kept down to just two. The book is priced at $14.95; it should be $9.95 at the most.
Lindsay, who lives in Phoenix, is contacted by a woman in New Jersey who has also been active on Ancestry and tells him that her father is his father. The rest of the book is about Randy’s worries about telling his Phoenix family that he’s part of an entirely different family and then fitting in with his new family. Well, guess what, reader, his Phoenix family had always wondered if he was their full brother but loved him so much they didn’t care he was wasn’t. And his father was fine with finding out the truth. And his new New Jersey family loved him to pieces and laid out the red carpet for Randy’s visits. He gets to know his real father. Every single person in both families are just thrilled about the news of Randy’s real parentage.
But there’s one hole in this otherwise sweet, sweet story. While we get to meet Randy and his families, very little attention is paid to his mother, who really is the center of the story. If she hadn’t married one man, while pregnant with another’s baby, none of this Hallmark After School special would have happened. In the book’s introduction, Lindsay mentions his mother but implies she didn’t want to cooperate fully with his writing her story. I have enough trouble trying to figure out my own families that I’ll stay away from trying to figure out Randy Lindsay’s.
But the major problem with this book is that it isn’t particularly well written and it badly needed an editor’s touch. I reckon it could have been 50 pages shorter, particularly if mentions of Philly Cheese Steaks were kept down to just two. The book is priced at $14.95; it should be $9.95 at the most.
May 8, 2020
2.5 stars. A good storyline, but way too many unnecessary details in the first half of the book. And several times he says things that paint his wife in a bad light- Unsupportive and not emotionally there for him, then at the very end of the book he is missing her and going back to her after a visit with his biological family in the east.
February 5, 2020
I have a hard time reading memoirs. They tend to lean toward a slower paced story that I struggle to dive into. Then add family history into the mix and I was sure it would be a bomb. Hence why I was skeptical about this one, and the couple of chapters had me wondering what I had gotten myself into. However, I should have known better with Randy Lindsay as the other. The few times I've met him has been interesting. You never know where the conversation will go and I always left a conversation (which usually I just listened as part of a group) smiling. His book is no exception. After the first few chapters, I found I couldn't put it down. I wanted to know what was going to happen. His DNA journey was fascinating. I began wondering what I would find in my DNA and where my story would go. I understand that can lead to some heartache for some people and excitement for others, but I found this memoir inspiring me to see what surprises are in my family tree. I highly recommend this book to everyone. It is all very appropriate for anyone, and be careful. You just might be bit by the Family History bug.
March 13, 2020
It’s not very often that you find a non-fiction book that reads like a novel. But this one by Randy Lindsay did. I found myself hooked to this book from the very beginning. And I loved every bit of it.
Randy Lindsay was often referred to by his family as “The Milkman’s Son.” But it wasn’t until he was 57 years old that he found out, through DNA testing that his father was not his biological father. I loved the way he tells his story. He tells the facts, what happened. But he also tells how he felt. I can’t even imagine how crazy this would be.
Another thing that struck me about this book was how he kept researching and helping others. Even after he’d had this life altering information about his own family. What a helpful thing to do for others.
The author does a really great job of his ending in this one. I loved the way, the reader knows that his story really hasn’t ended. But he uses a lesson in the last chapter that he learned to bring the story to a resolution.
This book is amazing! You won’t want to miss it!
I was sent a copy of The Milkman’s Son as a gift from the publisher. All opinions are my own.
Randy Lindsay was often referred to by his family as “The Milkman’s Son.” But it wasn’t until he was 57 years old that he found out, through DNA testing that his father was not his biological father. I loved the way he tells his story. He tells the facts, what happened. But he also tells how he felt. I can’t even imagine how crazy this would be.
Another thing that struck me about this book was how he kept researching and helping others. Even after he’d had this life altering information about his own family. What a helpful thing to do for others.
The author does a really great job of his ending in this one. I loved the way, the reader knows that his story really hasn’t ended. But he uses a lesson in the last chapter that he learned to bring the story to a resolution.
This book is amazing! You won’t want to miss it!
I was sent a copy of The Milkman’s Son as a gift from the publisher. All opinions are my own.
December 28, 2019
Thank you NetGalley for the free ARC. When ancestry research gives you more information than you were ready for. An account of how one son finds his father. This does seem to happen quite a bit. I took a class where we got our DNA analyzed and one of the participants, who knew he was adopted, found a half sister. The message would be: be ready for anything (especially if are the Golden State Killer).
March 15, 2020
I usually love memoirs and biographies because they can be written in such a personal way. In many way, this story was extremely personal, but there were a few things that kept me from fully enjoying this as a memoir.
First, I will say that Randy Lindsay is an incredibly talented writer. The way that he phrased different events and the words he used helped me to picture what was happening so much better. I could tell that his passion lies in writing fiction, and reading his memoir really made me consider adding some of his fiction books to my TBR.
On the other hand, this style made it hard for me to appreciate this story as a memoir. The pacing felt a little off, and it seemed like attention was given to such minor details that made me want speed the book up a bit. In a work of fiction, this is the exact thing I would love and appreciate. In a memoir, it can feel tedious.
Thank you for haring your story, Randy Lindsay. I hope that those who read it can connect and feel the importance of familial love.
***I was provided with an ARC of this book from Shadow Mountain Publishing through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All opinions above are my own.***
First, I will say that Randy Lindsay is an incredibly talented writer. The way that he phrased different events and the words he used helped me to picture what was happening so much better. I could tell that his passion lies in writing fiction, and reading his memoir really made me consider adding some of his fiction books to my TBR.
On the other hand, this style made it hard for me to appreciate this story as a memoir. The pacing felt a little off, and it seemed like attention was given to such minor details that made me want speed the book up a bit. In a work of fiction, this is the exact thing I would love and appreciate. In a memoir, it can feel tedious.
Thank you for haring your story, Randy Lindsay. I hope that those who read it can connect and feel the importance of familial love.
***I was provided with an ARC of this book from Shadow Mountain Publishing through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All opinions above are my own.***
May 2, 2020
I really love a good DNA mystery story. And right before I started reading this, I discovered a cousin that no one knew about. My Uncle had had an affair and produced this child back in 1981 that he didn't know about. And evidently she--the cousin didn't know that my Uncle was her father until she recently took a DNA test.
Randy starts his story by trying to do some family history for his father whose dead ancestors keep coming to him at night. At a certain point, Randy gets stuck on finding his family line and decides to take an ancestry test so that he can get a location identification of where his family is from. Only to find out, much to his surprise at the age of 57 that the man who raised him is NOT his father. Randy shares all of the emotions that go into this discovery. The fear of telling the father that raised him, the fear of telling his siblings. The fear of talking to his mom. Of meeting his family out in New Jersey. For him, the story is more positive than negative. And I really cannot imagine what it would be like to have your identity upended like that.
This is a sweet story. Maybe a bit longer than it needed to be. Not particularly well written. The narrator was fabulous though. Confession: I did lose all respect for him when he started a "Crowdfunding" initiative for people to give him money to purchase plane tickets to see his birth father in New Jersey.
This story expands and redefines the meaning of "family."
If you like sweet stories, I recommend this. There is nothing objectionable; no swearing. Nothing inappropriate.
Randy starts his story by trying to do some family history for his father whose dead ancestors keep coming to him at night. At a certain point, Randy gets stuck on finding his family line and decides to take an ancestry test so that he can get a location identification of where his family is from. Only to find out, much to his surprise at the age of 57 that the man who raised him is NOT his father. Randy shares all of the emotions that go into this discovery. The fear of telling the father that raised him, the fear of telling his siblings. The fear of talking to his mom. Of meeting his family out in New Jersey. For him, the story is more positive than negative. And I really cannot imagine what it would be like to have your identity upended like that.
This is a sweet story. Maybe a bit longer than it needed to be. Not particularly well written. The narrator was fabulous though. Confession: I did lose all respect for him when he started a "Crowdfunding" initiative for people to give him money to purchase plane tickets to see his birth father in New Jersey.
This story expands and redefines the meaning of "family."
If you like sweet stories, I recommend this. There is nothing objectionable; no swearing. Nothing inappropriate.
March 3, 2020
This was a very human look at the impacts of technology old (genealogical research) and new (DNA testing) on one man's idea of who he was and who his family was.
I'm actually pretty split on this memoir. I found the plot and the concept really engaging. In terms of things I liked less,
*Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for providing an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
I'm actually pretty split on this memoir. I found the plot and the concept really engaging. In terms of things I liked less,
*Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for providing an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
April 26, 2020
This book was so interesting. I am fascinated by genealogy and family history, and this book was all of that and more. The first half of the book was okay, but I didn’t get really into the book until Randy connected with his siblings and went to New Jersey for the first time.
How heartbreaking it must be for everyone involved - I can’t imagine all the different feelings that came up, for Randy, for his mother, for the siblings that he was raised with and his other set of siblings, and for his two dads. The dad who raised him seemed like such a great guy, and I loved their relationship so much. I also loved the relationship between Randy and the siblings he was raised with (them getting territorial was hilarious!) and his blossoming relationship with his New Jersey siblings.
How heartbreaking it must be for everyone involved - I can’t imagine all the different feelings that came up, for Randy, for his mother, for the siblings that he was raised with and his other set of siblings, and for his two dads. The dad who raised him seemed like such a great guy, and I loved their relationship so much. I also loved the relationship between Randy and the siblings he was raised with (them getting territorial was hilarious!) and his blossoming relationship with his New Jersey siblings.
July 25, 2021
Everyone can relate to some part of Lindsay's story--the family dynamics, the DNA test results, the feelings of not belonging, and/or the fears that naturally come from existing among other people. Even though the writing is a bit simplistic, Lindsay shares what happened and how he felt when a DNA test result exposes that his father is not his biological father, and his story is moving, humorous, and believable.
January 14, 2021
I'm glad that I saw my sister-in-law had read this book and enjoyed it. I also enjoyed it. I think it's a lovely story and realistic. Everyone who discovers a DNA mystery will have a different experience. I enjoyed reading about the author's experience and those around him in his "new" family. I agree with the author that "It is the love we share that makes us family."
April 20, 2021
If you enjoy stories that reveal the journey taking a DNA test can result in then add this your list.
I think he leaves out a very important aspect of his story which is certainly his choice but that left me wondering.
I think he leaves out a very important aspect of his story which is certainly his choice but that left me wondering.
October 1, 2022
This story made me feel like I too am part of Randy's family. I'll bet he didn't know he had a third surprise family after writing this memoir--and one hungry to try all of the amazing foods he described!
August 31, 2022
DNA kit family surprise. Interesting story about how doing a DNA test turned his world upside down. I was surprised at the reactions of both his families but also pleased. And hopeful I would react the same way.
September 30, 2022
I really enjoyed the search and relationships. A great read.
July 30, 2025
I enjoyed this memoir. I felt the mystery and excitement of doing family history work, and it wasn't even about my own family!
I loved being invited into the mundane events of family life, the holidays, the stories, and even the drama that helped me get to know these families better. I imagine that going through an experience like this at any age would be difficult to process, and I appreciate the author sharing so many details and thoughts about it. I'm a little disappointed that we didn't get more information (or even any kind of acknowledgment of the matter) from his mother once the secret was out, but that's her call.
This is a good exploration of family relationships, what family means, nature vs. nurture, identity, and acceptance.
I loved being invited into the mundane events of family life, the holidays, the stories, and even the drama that helped me get to know these families better. I imagine that going through an experience like this at any age would be difficult to process, and I appreciate the author sharing so many details and thoughts about it. I'm a little disappointed that we didn't get more information (or even any kind of acknowledgment of the matter) from his mother once the secret was out, but that's her call.
This is a good exploration of family relationships, what family means, nature vs. nurture, identity, and acceptance.
March 30, 2020
I was fascinated with this book! I am a fan of family skeleton's in the closet, so I loved the concept of finding a family secret within a DNA test. Told in such a compelling way, you will want to read to the very end. I highly recommend this book!
February 11, 2021
Loved the story and the hunt, but the repeating of emotions over and over got a little tiresome.
August 19, 2020
Wonderfully written.
I have had my own DNA surprise later in life, sadly not with the same result. I am happy for the writer, everyone has a story to tell, and many of us in the NPE world are grateful for those with a happier ending than our own. It helps to have feelings and experiences to compare ours to.
I have had my own DNA surprise later in life, sadly not with the same result. I am happy for the writer, everyone has a story to tell, and many of us in the NPE world are grateful for those with a happier ending than our own. It helps to have feelings and experiences to compare ours to.
August 4, 2020
Randy took dna test to help research the Lindsay family for his father. When he gets the results he finds his father for fifty seven years is not his biological father. For years he was jokingly called the milkman’s son as he was so different from everyone in his family; now it’s no longer a joke to him. A new search is now on for him.
July 17, 2021
This was a wonderful book! Many other reviews thought it was poorly written, I disagree., this author showed exactly what it feels like to go thru this discovery. With that said, this is my review...
I was very interested in this story since the same thing happened to me. The authors emotions and thoughts throughout this book were mine exactly! I kept telling my husband, OH wow, he felt the same feelings i did or he thought that also! It was very comforting to know others had the same emotions i felt and which i still occasionally feel and that it wasn't just me. I also loved both his family's and how he handled it. I also found a new sister with my discovery that I love very much, having her in my life makes everything i went thru worth it. I highly recommend this book for anyone that may have received a DNA "surprise" which turned your world upside down., or if you just want to read a really nice story about the happiness of discovering new family, love and acceptance.
I was very interested in this story since the same thing happened to me. The authors emotions and thoughts throughout this book were mine exactly! I kept telling my husband, OH wow, he felt the same feelings i did or he thought that also! It was very comforting to know others had the same emotions i felt and which i still occasionally feel and that it wasn't just me. I also loved both his family's and how he handled it. I also found a new sister with my discovery that I love very much, having her in my life makes everything i went thru worth it. I highly recommend this book for anyone that may have received a DNA "surprise" which turned your world upside down., or if you just want to read a really nice story about the happiness of discovering new family, love and acceptance.
December 3, 2019
As a genetic genealogist, Randy’s story is all too familiar to me. So many of my clients have similar stories. Few, however, have one that turns out as beautifully as Randy’s did. The way Randy and his new family members meshed and joined is simply beautiful and magical. I really enjoyed reading the story from his perspective, and I hope he gets to get out to visit them a whole lot more often WHEN this book becomes a success. Thank you to Randy for sharing his family’s story with us, and thank you NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to review it.
November 16, 2019
First sentence: The dastardly thing about a life-changing event is that it can disguise itself as a normal day.
Premise/plot: Randy Lindsay grew up being called 'the Milkman's son' because he looked nothing like his siblings--all younger. But he never suspected that his dad wasn't his biological father. When his father asks him to do genealogical research and record the family tree, he didn't know that it would end up changing his life. The project started out as research, a side-project. He soon became obsessed with tracking all the lines of his family, in particular the LINDSAY line of his tree. Was he a Lindsay with an A or a Lindsey with an E. When traditional research left him at a dead end, he decided to do a DNA test little expecting that the results of that test would change him and how he defined family. The 'journey' spans almost a decade--perhaps a little more. He chronicles the ups and downs of the experience. He focuses on his feelings and on his relationships.
My thoughts: I definitely enjoyed this one. I found it a captivating story. In part because he is a good writer and knows how to tell a story. I've read other "DNA mystery" books where family secrets are spilled and lives are changed. This is the best I've read so far. The other book I read felt like it should have been about ten pages--no more. This one wasn't like that at all. It was actually a good read. I loved his developing interest in genealogy. I could definitely relate to his DILEMMA: "I struggle with the decision of whether I should go to bed or check one more name." And I smirked here, " I finally connect the Lindsays to a royal line and it happens to be one that includes an infamous villain in popular fiction. Does that mean the next time I watch a Robin Hood movie I need to root for the bad guy? That isn’t any fun. I already know he’s going to lose. And it will make me look like an idiot if I sit there during the movie and chant, “King John. King John. Go-o-o-o-o Lackland.”
Premise/plot: Randy Lindsay grew up being called 'the Milkman's son' because he looked nothing like his siblings--all younger. But he never suspected that his dad wasn't his biological father. When his father asks him to do genealogical research and record the family tree, he didn't know that it would end up changing his life. The project started out as research, a side-project. He soon became obsessed with tracking all the lines of his family, in particular the LINDSAY line of his tree. Was he a Lindsay with an A or a Lindsey with an E. When traditional research left him at a dead end, he decided to do a DNA test little expecting that the results of that test would change him and how he defined family. The 'journey' spans almost a decade--perhaps a little more. He chronicles the ups and downs of the experience. He focuses on his feelings and on his relationships.
My thoughts: I definitely enjoyed this one. I found it a captivating story. In part because he is a good writer and knows how to tell a story. I've read other "DNA mystery" books where family secrets are spilled and lives are changed. This is the best I've read so far. The other book I read felt like it should have been about ten pages--no more. This one wasn't like that at all. It was actually a good read. I loved his developing interest in genealogy. I could definitely relate to his DILEMMA: "I struggle with the decision of whether I should go to bed or check one more name." And I smirked here, " I finally connect the Lindsays to a royal line and it happens to be one that includes an infamous villain in popular fiction. Does that mean the next time I watch a Robin Hood movie I need to root for the bad guy? That isn’t any fun. I already know he’s going to lose. And it will make me look like an idiot if I sit there during the movie and chant, “King John. King John. Go-o-o-o-o Lackland.”
June 18, 2020
DNA SURPRISE UPENDS A WRITER
6/17/2020.
As the author of this memoir writes, there is now a true DNA revolution all over the U.S. which is shining light, in many cases, on family secrets considered better left untold.
This author is a professional writer, mostly in the genres of fantasy and science fiction. He loves stories, but when he finds out that his dad isn’t his biological dad, he isn’t sure that he wants to hear that story.
The memoir follows the writer as he eventually comes to joyous terms with having two large loving families.
Yet , crucially, he also makes an eventually successful effort with his first family of fifty-plus years to understand that they are feeling the fear of the possibility that he will leave them.
Our memoirist also models for this first-known-ever family
how the tools of time, gentleness, and outright truth will reassure them that, although his reunion with his birth dad and that other large family has been fulfilling for him, he’s absolutely not leaving their enclave in New Jersey nor ever losing his deep and abiding love for them.
I always think about whether what Tolstoy wrote, something to the often mentioned and often quoted effect that only unhappy families are different from one another while all happy families are the same, is true.
In this case, the story shows that two happy, close families love him and vice-versa.
In truth, these two salt-of-the-earth, loving and happy families do turn out to be amazingly and wonderfully alike.
Our author does the brave, right thing as he goes through the process of communicating with and eventually visiting his new family. Each member of each family is eerily similar to him in an open-minded ability to be nervous yet to do the right thing.
The memoirist has many questions and certain conflicting feelings as the process of a late-in-life reunion takes shape. His biggest and most deeply emotional question is why the family he grew up with knew that their and his warm and caring dad was not his biological father yet never told him anything about it. He comes to understand that they had a caring reason.
This memoir speaks to a multitude of American families who are currently faced with having to change their 1940’s, 1950’s, and early 1960’s limited and stereotypical belief in just exactly what makes a family.
After reading a memoir like this one, the many
families who find themselves uncomfortably “betwixt and between” may well understand their fears and possibly use their own version of the author’s road-map toward true happiness.
Currently frightened families might see that they need to
believe that a central function of family is to be inclusive and generous.
NHE
who are different from one another
6/17/2020.
As the author of this memoir writes, there is now a true DNA revolution all over the U.S. which is shining light, in many cases, on family secrets considered better left untold.
This author is a professional writer, mostly in the genres of fantasy and science fiction. He loves stories, but when he finds out that his dad isn’t his biological dad, he isn’t sure that he wants to hear that story.
The memoir follows the writer as he eventually comes to joyous terms with having two large loving families.
Yet , crucially, he also makes an eventually successful effort with his first family of fifty-plus years to understand that they are feeling the fear of the possibility that he will leave them.
Our memoirist also models for this first-known-ever family
how the tools of time, gentleness, and outright truth will reassure them that, although his reunion with his birth dad and that other large family has been fulfilling for him, he’s absolutely not leaving their enclave in New Jersey nor ever losing his deep and abiding love for them.
I always think about whether what Tolstoy wrote, something to the often mentioned and often quoted effect that only unhappy families are different from one another while all happy families are the same, is true.
In this case, the story shows that two happy, close families love him and vice-versa.
In truth, these two salt-of-the-earth, loving and happy families do turn out to be amazingly and wonderfully alike.
Our author does the brave, right thing as he goes through the process of communicating with and eventually visiting his new family. Each member of each family is eerily similar to him in an open-minded ability to be nervous yet to do the right thing.
The memoirist has many questions and certain conflicting feelings as the process of a late-in-life reunion takes shape. His biggest and most deeply emotional question is why the family he grew up with knew that their and his warm and caring dad was not his biological father yet never told him anything about it. He comes to understand that they had a caring reason.
This memoir speaks to a multitude of American families who are currently faced with having to change their 1940’s, 1950’s, and early 1960’s limited and stereotypical belief in just exactly what makes a family.
After reading a memoir like this one, the many
families who find themselves uncomfortably “betwixt and between” may well understand their fears and possibly use their own version of the author’s road-map toward true happiness.
Currently frightened families might see that they need to
believe that a central function of family is to be inclusive and generous.
NHE
who are different from one another
Read
December 31, 2019reviewed for LJ
December 12, 2019
Randy Lindsay, on a quest to find his genealogy via Ancestry.com, uncovers more than he ever expected when he learns through DNA testing that his dad is not his biological father. He has half-siblings living on the other side of the country, who happily embrace him as family.
This type of memoir is bound to become abundant as DNA testing is becoming more popular; Inheritance by Dani Shapiro is a bestselling memoir with similar story, and Lindsay even mentions that most people know someone who’s discovered skeletons in the closet through DNA testing. I do think this particular story is interesting, but I wonder if it’s really interesting enough to warrant an entire book.
Lindsay’s memoir is filled with a lot of mundane details about corresponding with half-siblings via social media and email; once he discovers this second family, there really isn’t any conflict to propel the story forward (which is nice for him but not as engaging for us readers). I wish he had included more of the relationship between his Mom and this biological father, but Lindsay seems to recognize that it’s not his story to tell (however frustrating that may be for the reader).
I’m glad that the author has enjoyed such a positive relationship with his recently discovered half-siblings and his biological father. I’m not sure a book was necessary, but when such a thing happens to a writer, I guess you’re bound to get a memoir about it.
I appreciate Netgalley and the publisher for the advanced review copy of this book.
This type of memoir is bound to become abundant as DNA testing is becoming more popular; Inheritance by Dani Shapiro is a bestselling memoir with similar story, and Lindsay even mentions that most people know someone who’s discovered skeletons in the closet through DNA testing. I do think this particular story is interesting, but I wonder if it’s really interesting enough to warrant an entire book.
Lindsay’s memoir is filled with a lot of mundane details about corresponding with half-siblings via social media and email; once he discovers this second family, there really isn’t any conflict to propel the story forward (which is nice for him but not as engaging for us readers). I wish he had included more of the relationship between his Mom and this biological father, but Lindsay seems to recognize that it’s not his story to tell (however frustrating that may be for the reader).
I’m glad that the author has enjoyed such a positive relationship with his recently discovered half-siblings and his biological father. I’m not sure a book was necessary, but when such a thing happens to a writer, I guess you’re bound to get a memoir about it.
I appreciate Netgalley and the publisher for the advanced review copy of this book.
March 3, 2020
Reading this book almost makes me want to do a DNA test . . . almost. But I won’t. Not because I’m concerned about surprises, but because I know that I’m definitely my parents’ child, as are my siblings. Also, I have little belief that even a DNA test could trace my family further back than, maybe, three generations. My parents were without doubt my grandparents’ children.
For me, doing a DNA test is not a thing. In this book, it wasn’t the author’s thing, either. He didn’t take his DNA test looking for skeletons in his closet. He took it to try to learn who his family’s distant relations were and from where they originated. To say the results of the test surprised and shocked the author would be an understatement.
I enjoyed this book. It was informative and entertaining, and it offered a window into a world I can’t even imagine. I can say that Mr. Lindsay was incredibly lucky that the family that he found, who found him, wanted him, welcomed him. He makes it clear that his fortune proved amazingly good. I know that others aren’t always so lucky. In truth, the author was beyond lucky to have two such amazing families. He's truly fortunate to have the opportunity to enjoy such wonderful relatives, all around. I can say, honestly, that I liked reading about all of his family members; they all come across as very good people.
The author fills in most of the blanks, but leaves a few things unanswered. It’s clear that he and his wife had both been in previous marriages; what happened to those first marriages? Why wouldn’t his mother tell him how he came to be? Given that he was in his mid-fifties when he discovered his ancestry, and his parents had been divorced for years, there was certainly nothing to hide. More explanation on that front would have been helpful, and honestly, he deserved to know.
At times, important details are dropped wherever the author feels like dropping them, not where they’d have been most useful to the story. I think it would have been helpful to know about his youngest sons before he detailed how they came into his life. Also, which brother’s or sister’s son didn’t uphold his parental duties? What happened to that nephew’s wife? To dump that information near the end of the book didn’t help the reader understand why Mr. Lindsay was so open to his discoveries, which I suspect it was meant to do. There must have been more backstory there, too, as Child Protection Services doesn’t just call up a relative and drop endangered children on your doorstep. There must have been a history there, and it’s unfair to the reader to bring it up without further explanation.
My biggest complaint about this book is the overdone emphasis on a sandwich called a pork roll. I understand that it is a New Jersey specialty, but the author goes waaaayyy overboard about it. I mean, it sounds a lot like a McMuffin sandwich from McDonald’s. Surely, the author has tried one of those at some point in his life? I’m sure the author enjoyed this breakfast sandwich his brother made for him, but perhaps it was special for him because of the cook, not because of the originality of the sandwich? As I said, I thought the emphasis on this sandwich was heavy-handed.
Overall, I thought this was an interesting read. Do be prepared for it to take occasional melodramatic and/or self-pitying turns every now and then, but know that the entire book isn’t about that. This memoir primarily carries an upbeat tone. It’s well written, if a little folksy. I recommend it to anyone who is curious about their ancestry, anyone thinking about taking a DNA test, or anyone, like me, who thought the premise of this book sounded interesting. It was.
I won a copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway. I thank Goodreads, the publisher, and the author for sharing this book with me, but their generosity had no effect on this review. All opinions in this review express my true and honest reactions to reading this book.
For me, doing a DNA test is not a thing. In this book, it wasn’t the author’s thing, either. He didn’t take his DNA test looking for skeletons in his closet. He took it to try to learn who his family’s distant relations were and from where they originated. To say the results of the test surprised and shocked the author would be an understatement.
I enjoyed this book. It was informative and entertaining, and it offered a window into a world I can’t even imagine. I can say that Mr. Lindsay was incredibly lucky that the family that he found, who found him, wanted him, welcomed him. He makes it clear that his fortune proved amazingly good. I know that others aren’t always so lucky. In truth, the author was beyond lucky to have two such amazing families. He's truly fortunate to have the opportunity to enjoy such wonderful relatives, all around. I can say, honestly, that I liked reading about all of his family members; they all come across as very good people.
The author fills in most of the blanks, but leaves a few things unanswered. It’s clear that he and his wife had both been in previous marriages; what happened to those first marriages? Why wouldn’t his mother tell him how he came to be? Given that he was in his mid-fifties when he discovered his ancestry, and his parents had been divorced for years, there was certainly nothing to hide. More explanation on that front would have been helpful, and honestly, he deserved to know.
At times, important details are dropped wherever the author feels like dropping them, not where they’d have been most useful to the story. I think it would have been helpful to know about his youngest sons before he detailed how they came into his life. Also, which brother’s or sister’s son didn’t uphold his parental duties? What happened to that nephew’s wife? To dump that information near the end of the book didn’t help the reader understand why Mr. Lindsay was so open to his discoveries, which I suspect it was meant to do. There must have been more backstory there, too, as Child Protection Services doesn’t just call up a relative and drop endangered children on your doorstep. There must have been a history there, and it’s unfair to the reader to bring it up without further explanation.
My biggest complaint about this book is the overdone emphasis on a sandwich called a pork roll. I understand that it is a New Jersey specialty, but the author goes waaaayyy overboard about it. I mean, it sounds a lot like a McMuffin sandwich from McDonald’s. Surely, the author has tried one of those at some point in his life? I’m sure the author enjoyed this breakfast sandwich his brother made for him, but perhaps it was special for him because of the cook, not because of the originality of the sandwich? As I said, I thought the emphasis on this sandwich was heavy-handed.
Overall, I thought this was an interesting read. Do be prepared for it to take occasional melodramatic and/or self-pitying turns every now and then, but know that the entire book isn’t about that. This memoir primarily carries an upbeat tone. It’s well written, if a little folksy. I recommend it to anyone who is curious about their ancestry, anyone thinking about taking a DNA test, or anyone, like me, who thought the premise of this book sounded interesting. It was.
I won a copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway. I thank Goodreads, the publisher, and the author for sharing this book with me, but their generosity had no effect on this review. All opinions in this review express my true and honest reactions to reading this book.
April 16, 2020
Plot:
Due to the different nature as a youth, and his dark hair compared to his sibling's fair hair, Randy was nicknamed “the milkman’s son” insinuating that his father was not his biological father. Being the oldest of his siblings, Randy took their jokes and mockery of him, and carried it into adulthood, never really stopping to think why he looked so different from his siblings. After all, he was no genealogist but a writer and preferred to live in his world of make-believe than to learn more about the real one. When his father asked him to start the great Lindsey Quest, trying to find out where their family came from, Randy was intrigued by this mystery, and with one click signed up for Ansestory.com. Spending hours tracking his family down, Randy spent months at this project, while doing daily life of book meetings and transportation of children. Looking at the male line, Randy did a DNA test to see which part of Europe his family is from, to narrow down his search for those with the last name Lindsay. What he was not expecting were the results he got back. Thinking there was a mistake, his DNA showed that there was no Lindsay blood in him. Getting a message from this New Jersey girl named Tammy, who claims she is his sister, Randy cannot lie that he and Mr. Petrauschke look identical, and the matching lips do not lie. His Lindsey siblings thought this was hilarious, and so does the man he grew up calling Dad. This news did not change his siblings' mind about him, as Dad said: “you are still my son” (69), Randy just has to accept that he gained more family than he could ever hope for. Gaining connections to his family in New Jersey, Randy experiences a moment that is one in a lifetime. At the ripe age of 57, he meets his father, the man he shares 50% of his DNA with, 3 siblings, and a whole bunch of cousins and nieces, that he never knew existed.
Thoughts:
Where did you come from, is perhaps one of the bigger questions people have in life. What better way to capture this monumental moment in his life, than write it in a book. Randy Lindsay, already an author, wrote this memoir of finding out his dad was not his dad after all. Taking place over a time span of just over a year, Lindsay gives us a detailed account of doing the DNA test, finding out about his father, meeting him and his New Jersey family for the first time, and telling everyone in Arizona this wild news. At age 57, with a strong sense of what family is, this news completely shocked Lindsay, despite him knowing that he did not look like any of his other siblings. Appropriately titled after his childhood nickname, Lindsay wrote this book in a personal narrative, which made it flow nicely, and timed it perfectly, as the months passed by in only a few pages. Although like most memoirs it is a slow read, and there is not a lot of “excitement” to it as you would find in a fictional novel. It must be an age thing, but it is hard to believe that his father did not care and that his mother refused to talk about it. As pointed out by his siblings, his father probably always suspected it about him, but was an amazing, caring man, calling the child that he expected was not his own and raised him as he did his blood. Why does his mom refuse to talk about it, who knows? Lindsay said he did not want to push his mother, and rock their relationship, guess it is just another cliffhanger that books (and life) leave, with the reader (and person) always questioning why. Overall, this book was a stellar example of non-fiction DNA family drama story, and how more family is never bad.
Due to the different nature as a youth, and his dark hair compared to his sibling's fair hair, Randy was nicknamed “the milkman’s son” insinuating that his father was not his biological father. Being the oldest of his siblings, Randy took their jokes and mockery of him, and carried it into adulthood, never really stopping to think why he looked so different from his siblings. After all, he was no genealogist but a writer and preferred to live in his world of make-believe than to learn more about the real one. When his father asked him to start the great Lindsey Quest, trying to find out where their family came from, Randy was intrigued by this mystery, and with one click signed up for Ansestory.com. Spending hours tracking his family down, Randy spent months at this project, while doing daily life of book meetings and transportation of children. Looking at the male line, Randy did a DNA test to see which part of Europe his family is from, to narrow down his search for those with the last name Lindsay. What he was not expecting were the results he got back. Thinking there was a mistake, his DNA showed that there was no Lindsay blood in him. Getting a message from this New Jersey girl named Tammy, who claims she is his sister, Randy cannot lie that he and Mr. Petrauschke look identical, and the matching lips do not lie. His Lindsey siblings thought this was hilarious, and so does the man he grew up calling Dad. This news did not change his siblings' mind about him, as Dad said: “you are still my son” (69), Randy just has to accept that he gained more family than he could ever hope for. Gaining connections to his family in New Jersey, Randy experiences a moment that is one in a lifetime. At the ripe age of 57, he meets his father, the man he shares 50% of his DNA with, 3 siblings, and a whole bunch of cousins and nieces, that he never knew existed.
Thoughts:
Where did you come from, is perhaps one of the bigger questions people have in life. What better way to capture this monumental moment in his life, than write it in a book. Randy Lindsay, already an author, wrote this memoir of finding out his dad was not his dad after all. Taking place over a time span of just over a year, Lindsay gives us a detailed account of doing the DNA test, finding out about his father, meeting him and his New Jersey family for the first time, and telling everyone in Arizona this wild news. At age 57, with a strong sense of what family is, this news completely shocked Lindsay, despite him knowing that he did not look like any of his other siblings. Appropriately titled after his childhood nickname, Lindsay wrote this book in a personal narrative, which made it flow nicely, and timed it perfectly, as the months passed by in only a few pages. Although like most memoirs it is a slow read, and there is not a lot of “excitement” to it as you would find in a fictional novel. It must be an age thing, but it is hard to believe that his father did not care and that his mother refused to talk about it. As pointed out by his siblings, his father probably always suspected it about him, but was an amazing, caring man, calling the child that he expected was not his own and raised him as he did his blood. Why does his mom refuse to talk about it, who knows? Lindsay said he did not want to push his mother, and rock their relationship, guess it is just another cliffhanger that books (and life) leave, with the reader (and person) always questioning why. Overall, this book was a stellar example of non-fiction DNA family drama story, and how more family is never bad.
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