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The Unexpurgated Code: A Complete Manual of Survival & Manners
Even Donleavy himself is reluctant to categorize this book, hinting that perhaps it is still fiction. It's most often found listed as nonfiction, however. A guide to social climbing and survival in the asphalt jungle as only Donleavy could write. Not for the easily offended and wonderfully about as non-politically correct as could be. Also rife with illustrations by the author.
Hardcover
First published January 1, 1975
881 people are currently reading
3113 people want to read
About the author
J.P. Donleavy
49 books203 followersJames Patrick Donleavy was an Irish American author, born to Irish immigrants. He served in the U.S. Navy during World War II after which he moved to Ireland. In 1946 he began studies at Trinity College, Dublin, but left before taking a degree. He was first published in the Dublin literary periodical, Envoy.
See also http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J.P._Don...
See also http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J.P._Don...
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews
September 25, 2014
At the GoodReads Site
Reviewing sites like GoodReads give the gentleman or lady of leisure a splendid opportunity to display their wit and all-round erudition. Post reviews in moderation, choosing a balanced selection of books. Ideally, a scholarly dissection of an obscure but greatly respected classic should be followed by an earthily Anglo-Saxon parody of a notorious piece of trash, and vice versa.
The rest of this review is available elsewhere (the location cannot be given for Goodreads policy reasons)
Reviewing sites like GoodReads give the gentleman or lady of leisure a splendid opportunity to display their wit and all-round erudition. Post reviews in moderation, choosing a balanced selection of books. Ideally, a scholarly dissection of an obscure but greatly respected classic should be followed by an earthily Anglo-Saxon parody of a notorious piece of trash, and vice versa.
The rest of this review is available elsewhere (the location cannot be given for Goodreads policy reasons)
Read
August 26, 2022An homage to Donleavy's The Unexpurgated Code which I cowrote with Kat some time in 2010. I can't remember who should be blamed for what, but probably quite a lot of it is my fault. It was quietly languishing in my writing section, but now that's being closed down I thought I had to move it to a new home. Don't blame me or Kat, blame Goodreads management.
On conducting a flame war with one’s sock puppet
Treat yourself the same way you would anyone else. If you think your sock puppet has said something dumb, don’t hesitate to point it out. Stoop as low as you like. Employ abusive language and ad hominem arguments. Quote him out of context if that helps, or simply misquote him if that’s easier. If you feel you’re losing, flag him or make threats to get him banned from the site.
Needless to say, your sock puppet should respond in kind. You’ll know you’ve got it right if you both end up being banned and none of your online friends ever talk to you again. Don’t be disappointed if you aren’t able to get there in one go. You may have some vestigial scraps of niceness left in the depths of your psyche, but be reassured that practice makes perfect, and that 18 hours a day of online social networking will soon eradicate whatever remaining humanity you may still possess.
On having so many online friends that you can’t remember even 10% of their names
You may be aware that you are a very sad person. But do you really want to go to these lengths to make sure that everyone else in the world is aware of it too?
On End User License Agreements
Every time you actually read one of these stupid documents, you discover a minute later that you’re bored, uncomprehending, scared or angry. Often it’s all four at once. Even if iTunes leaves you with a burning desire to at least try to use their software to create weapons of mass destruction, just to be contrary, it is still not advisable - you always accept anyway. So do yourself a favour and don’t bother.
On being interrupted when you are on the point of beating your high score
Irrespective of whether it’s your boss offering you a promotion or your lover offering you an unforgettable sexual experience, do not allow yourself to be distracted. You’ll only regret it later. Though, if your boss is very hot and is offering you both a promotion and some unforgettable sex at the same time, it is considered polite to pause briefly before declining.
On setting up an account in the name of God
It’s seriously blasphemous and tends to make you persona non grata with all the site’s social directors. But it’s fun. The thrill you get when you receive your first burned offering is definitely worth all the trouble, and if you’re lucky someone might even sacrifice their first-born to you before the account is inevitably flagged and closed down.
On having one’s friend request accepted by a porn star
Don’t, for God’s sake, go around bragging that you’re now friends with this tacky silicon-enhanced woman that no one’s ever heard of. Obviously she accepts every friend request she receives from miserable jerks like you, so that she can increase her miniscule chances of getting invited to the Playboy Mansion to have creepy sex with Hugh Heffner or one of his other octogenarian cronies.
Writing to her will only make it worse. Most likely, she can’t write; if she can write, she won’t reply; and if, completely against the odds, she can both write and sends you a non-form reply, you’ll only feel even more pathetic and inadequate than you do now. You don’t want to believe this is possible, but trust me, it is.
On accidentally forwarding a sexy private email to everyone at your place of work
The problem is that no one will tell you you’ve done it, and, even if your Sent folder indubitably shows that you did, the uncertainty will start to prey on your mind. Next time you’re talking to people around the water cooler, try including one or two of the racier lines, keeping a straight face and pretending that it was something you saw on TV last night. If someone starts laughing hysterically, at least you’ll know for sure.
On being a middle-aged man impersonating a much younger woman
Do try to make an effort and get your story straight before you begin. There is nothing quite as disappointing as finding that you have forgotten your age, cup size or sexual orientation halfway through a promising conversation with another sad, middle-aged individual who’s on the point of believing your preposterous collection of lies.
On writing a dissertation entirely plagiarised from the Web
When found out, explain that you didn’t think you were doing anything wrong. If that doesn’t work, try weeping silently. If that doesn’t work either, you may have to write your own fucking dissertation.
On obsessively editing Wikipedia articles to reflect your own narrow view of reality
I know. Every time you read 1984, you wish you’d been born in Stalinist Russia. But you weren’t. Better get used to it, dude.
On the dangers of using multiple simultaneous cybersex windows
You may be appalled at your clumsiness in accidentally typing “i reach down and feel your tits” in the window where you’re supposed to be hanging by your hands from a chandelier. But you’ll be surprised how few of your partners notice. Probably most of them are also in the middle of two or three parallel cybersex sessions.
On conducting a flame war with one’s sock puppet
Treat yourself the same way you would anyone else. If you think your sock puppet has said something dumb, don’t hesitate to point it out. Stoop as low as you like. Employ abusive language and ad hominem arguments. Quote him out of context if that helps, or simply misquote him if that’s easier. If you feel you’re losing, flag him or make threats to get him banned from the site.
Needless to say, your sock puppet should respond in kind. You’ll know you’ve got it right if you both end up being banned and none of your online friends ever talk to you again. Don’t be disappointed if you aren’t able to get there in one go. You may have some vestigial scraps of niceness left in the depths of your psyche, but be reassured that practice makes perfect, and that 18 hours a day of online social networking will soon eradicate whatever remaining humanity you may still possess.
On having so many online friends that you can’t remember even 10% of their names
You may be aware that you are a very sad person. But do you really want to go to these lengths to make sure that everyone else in the world is aware of it too?
On End User License Agreements
Every time you actually read one of these stupid documents, you discover a minute later that you’re bored, uncomprehending, scared or angry. Often it’s all four at once. Even if iTunes leaves you with a burning desire to at least try to use their software to create weapons of mass destruction, just to be contrary, it is still not advisable - you always accept anyway. So do yourself a favour and don’t bother.
On being interrupted when you are on the point of beating your high score
Irrespective of whether it’s your boss offering you a promotion or your lover offering you an unforgettable sexual experience, do not allow yourself to be distracted. You’ll only regret it later. Though, if your boss is very hot and is offering you both a promotion and some unforgettable sex at the same time, it is considered polite to pause briefly before declining.
On setting up an account in the name of God
It’s seriously blasphemous and tends to make you persona non grata with all the site’s social directors. But it’s fun. The thrill you get when you receive your first burned offering is definitely worth all the trouble, and if you’re lucky someone might even sacrifice their first-born to you before the account is inevitably flagged and closed down.
On having one’s friend request accepted by a porn star
Don’t, for God’s sake, go around bragging that you’re now friends with this tacky silicon-enhanced woman that no one’s ever heard of. Obviously she accepts every friend request she receives from miserable jerks like you, so that she can increase her miniscule chances of getting invited to the Playboy Mansion to have creepy sex with Hugh Heffner or one of his other octogenarian cronies.
Writing to her will only make it worse. Most likely, she can’t write; if she can write, she won’t reply; and if, completely against the odds, she can both write and sends you a non-form reply, you’ll only feel even more pathetic and inadequate than you do now. You don’t want to believe this is possible, but trust me, it is.
On accidentally forwarding a sexy private email to everyone at your place of work
The problem is that no one will tell you you’ve done it, and, even if your Sent folder indubitably shows that you did, the uncertainty will start to prey on your mind. Next time you’re talking to people around the water cooler, try including one or two of the racier lines, keeping a straight face and pretending that it was something you saw on TV last night. If someone starts laughing hysterically, at least you’ll know for sure.
On being a middle-aged man impersonating a much younger woman
Do try to make an effort and get your story straight before you begin. There is nothing quite as disappointing as finding that you have forgotten your age, cup size or sexual orientation halfway through a promising conversation with another sad, middle-aged individual who’s on the point of believing your preposterous collection of lies.
On writing a dissertation entirely plagiarised from the Web
When found out, explain that you didn’t think you were doing anything wrong. If that doesn’t work, try weeping silently. If that doesn’t work either, you may have to write your own fucking dissertation.
On obsessively editing Wikipedia articles to reflect your own narrow view of reality
I know. Every time you read 1984, you wish you’d been born in Stalinist Russia. But you weren’t. Better get used to it, dude.
On the dangers of using multiple simultaneous cybersex windows
You may be appalled at your clumsiness in accidentally typing “i reach down and feel your tits” in the window where you’re supposed to be hanging by your hands from a chandelier. But you’ll be surprised how few of your partners notice. Probably most of them are also in the middle of two or three parallel cybersex sessions.
September 29, 2011
Profane and very funny, an example....
Under Vilenesses Various he covers such things as farting and bodily stench.
Plate and Knife Licking
This is a satisfying ritual and is not only to be resorted to when one is not able to get a further helping. Although widely ridiculed as bad manners, it is permissible if delicately executed and demonstrates more than anything else your enjoyed appetite as well as your thrift.
While holding the plate surface vertically in both hands well up to the face, licking should begin from the bottom upwards with long perpendicular strokes and never from side to side. Make sure not to cascade gravy all over the place and it is not done to take bites or allow your teeth to make clashing sounds against the crockery. Also do not attempt to talk to your dinner partner while lapping. Unless you are merely grunting replies to her long discourse on gardening. If your partner however, is wide eyed at your antic don’t panic. Your host and hostess, as formal etiquette requires, will, as the opportunity affords, also lift and lick their plates. Should less well bred folk show surprise at you and ask.
“Where the hell were you brought up.”
Come right out with it.
“Sir I was raised in poor and humble circumstances and I regard your question as an insult to all those still in the sacred embrace of deprivation.”
If you are still around at another meal time you will find the guests sneakily looking on all sides wondering who the hell should start licking first. And as an example for the hesitant to follow, take up your knife and making sure the cutting edge is blunt, wrap your tongue around it. This warms the blade for the easy cutting of butter.
Under Vilenesses Various he covers such things as farting and bodily stench.
Plate and Knife Licking
This is a satisfying ritual and is not only to be resorted to when one is not able to get a further helping. Although widely ridiculed as bad manners, it is permissible if delicately executed and demonstrates more than anything else your enjoyed appetite as well as your thrift.
While holding the plate surface vertically in both hands well up to the face, licking should begin from the bottom upwards with long perpendicular strokes and never from side to side. Make sure not to cascade gravy all over the place and it is not done to take bites or allow your teeth to make clashing sounds against the crockery. Also do not attempt to talk to your dinner partner while lapping. Unless you are merely grunting replies to her long discourse on gardening. If your partner however, is wide eyed at your antic don’t panic. Your host and hostess, as formal etiquette requires, will, as the opportunity affords, also lift and lick their plates. Should less well bred folk show surprise at you and ask.
“Where the hell were you brought up.”
Come right out with it.
“Sir I was raised in poor and humble circumstances and I regard your question as an insult to all those still in the sacred embrace of deprivation.”
If you are still around at another meal time you will find the guests sneakily looking on all sides wondering who the hell should start licking first. And as an example for the hesitant to follow, take up your knife and making sure the cutting edge is blunt, wrap your tongue around it. This warms the blade for the easy cutting of butter.
October 31, 2009
It's a shame that this one is so hard to find, as it's one of the absolute classics of curmudgeonly advice, absolutely on par with Ambrose Bierce's 'The Devil's Dictionary.' Best not to read it all in one sitting, though -- it can be draining! Hilarious, but draining.
April 30, 2025
There are some funny bits, but this is an extremely dated book. The half-life of humor is not that long. I am not sure why WSJ mentioned this book in a recent review…
Want to read
June 12, 2008I haven't read but an excerpt of this book but DonLeavey is fucking hilarious and brilliant. One of those authors your friend recommends and you're like, OK whatevs. And within a page you're all, "Oh my God! This is it! I forget there was writing left in the world that can punch you in the face, like--POW! This is style, you waspy cowboy!" . An elegant man in tweed with a pipe and cane is not to be ignored.
Fairy Tale of New York
The Gingerman
De Alphonse Tennis
Read them, and read this. Than loan me this.
Fairy Tale of New York
The Gingerman
De Alphonse Tennis
Read them, and read this. Than loan me this.
October 12, 2007
I re-read this book every year or so. I fall out of my chair laughing every time. I love British humor (even though this is an American writing, technically). The Pukka language is how they ruled the world with a few swords and an attitude. The book is a description of how 'gentlemen' handle all varities of situations. "Upon finding ones pants...."
I love this book.
I love this book.
July 24, 2012
The compleat handbook for the modern cad. Oscar Wilde once defined a gentleman as someone who never unintentionally offends anyone. If that's the case, this book provides the means by which one may intentionally offend anyone one likes whilst still maintaining one's gentlemanly status.
November 4, 2016
Genius advice book on social climbing and behavior that makes Parkinson's Law look reasonable.
November 13, 2017
Not his best. Unfortunately, the jokes very quickly wear thin but there are nevertheless a few Donleavian gems.
February 23, 2018
I wanted to like this book, but I find it mostly stupid, with lots of laziness thrown in. (What kind of professional writer allows his punctuation errors to make it into the final draft?)
Read
May 31, 2018I was hoping for a sort of Stephen Potter experience, but alas... it was not to be.
December 16, 2024
3.5 ⭐️ some very funny advice, most tongue in cheek but some that feels very outdated even in a humorous context, really showing its age
May 13, 2025
A Times reviewer called this the funniest book ever written. I wouldn’t go that far—it can get a little repetitive—but I do admit to the expulsion of many loud chortles and guffaws while reading it. Donleavy gives advice on social climbing and surviving among the upper classes in short chapters with titles like “Upon Placing the Blame for Venereal Infection,” “Upon Being Unflatteringly Dressed in an Emergency,” “Upon Your Spit Landing on Another,” and “Upon Being Stung on the End of Your Prick by a Bee on the Golf Course.” There are chapters on flatulence, “promiscuous pissing,” and execution (“Relax and wait. Most things will be taken care of for you.”)
Here are a few of my favorites: “Nobody likes to kick a man when he’s down unless it’s the only way of keeping him there.” “Upon Being Cuckolded: After the years of wearing yourself out giving your wife the adoration the use of her assets required, some sleazy type now manages to forge his way into her favour by exhibiting much swaggering of his boyish hindquarters and showering her with second rate compliments. Don’t be civilized about this. It is a distinct time for peevishness.” And finally, “Upon Being Old: “It’s not nice but take comfort that you won’t stay that way forever.”
Here are a few of my favorites: “Nobody likes to kick a man when he’s down unless it’s the only way of keeping him there.” “Upon Being Cuckolded: After the years of wearing yourself out giving your wife the adoration the use of her assets required, some sleazy type now manages to forge his way into her favour by exhibiting much swaggering of his boyish hindquarters and showering her with second rate compliments. Don’t be civilized about this. It is a distinct time for peevishness.” And finally, “Upon Being Old: “It’s not nice but take comfort that you won’t stay that way forever.”
May 3, 2025
It’s a particular kind of humor. You have to like it. And even if you like it, I would say you don’t wanna read this book in one sitting. And if you’re anything like me, you may be don’t want to read the entire book. And I guess that’s OK, not that I asked the author… but I gave myself permission to read only some texts and not others. That allowed me to have a few good laughs, while overlooking the repetitiveness of some of the jokes.
Maybe it’s something you want to have in your bathroom, so that you, or your guests, if they have the same sense of humor as you do or at least you’re not embarrassed of your sense of humor, can read it while on the toilet. That seems a smart application to me…
(And no, I have not finished the book, but just put it right there. Be my guest)
Maybe it’s something you want to have in your bathroom, so that you, or your guests, if they have the same sense of humor as you do or at least you’re not embarrassed of your sense of humor, can read it while on the toilet. That seems a smart application to me…
(And no, I have not finished the book, but just put it right there. Be my guest)
April 29, 2025
Abandoned after about 55%. To quote the beginning of Social Climbing: Upon Being Not To The Manner Born: "To hell with that shit." And again, from the section Extinctions and Mortalities, "To hell with that shit."
There were some funny parts, but overall it's funnier in how dated and ridiculous it is, rather than genuinely comedic. I o
nly picked it up after reading a glowing recommendation of this as the funniest book in the English language. High praise indeed. I'll never accept another book recommendation from that reviewer!
"I regret to disturb you sir, but that is not enough for us."
Well, it's going to have to be enough for the review readers.
There were some funny parts, but overall it's funnier in how dated and ridiculous it is, rather than genuinely comedic. I o
nly picked it up after reading a glowing recommendation of this as the funniest book in the English language. High praise indeed. I'll never accept another book recommendation from that reviewer!
"I regret to disturb you sir, but that is not enough for us."
Well, it's going to have to be enough for the review readers.
June 20, 2025
Such a dumb book, and so long too! :(
The premise is promising -- a cynical guide of manners for the upper-class. The table of contents presents zillions of scenarios that are addressed, however briefly.
The big fail is the sophomoric humor. The author thinks that pompous plus vulgar equals incongruous therefore funny. And then he repeats this "joke" over and over for 300 pages that seem written hastily without any editing. There's very little actual humor here, unless you are entertained by misanthropy and misogyny as bedfellows with fake snootiness.
P.S. Bizarrely, the sketch drawings that appear through the book are not connected in any way to the content.
The premise is promising -- a cynical guide of manners for the upper-class. The table of contents presents zillions of scenarios that are addressed, however briefly.
The big fail is the sophomoric humor. The author thinks that pompous plus vulgar equals incongruous therefore funny. And then he repeats this "joke" over and over for 300 pages that seem written hastily without any editing. There's very little actual humor here, unless you are entertained by misanthropy and misogyny as bedfellows with fake snootiness.
P.S. Bizarrely, the sketch drawings that appear through the book are not connected in any way to the content.
April 30, 2025
I feel bad giving this book 3 stars because for a certain kind of person I suspect it would rate much better.
But I am not that kind of person.
The humor is dry. Like, not just oh please don't overdo the Vermouth dry but death valley dry.
And while I enjoyed the first few chapters, I found myself grinding to a halt as the humor lost its verve like a piece of gum chewed well beyond its time.
But I am not that kind of person.
The humor is dry. Like, not just oh please don't overdo the Vermouth dry but death valley dry.
And while I enjoyed the first few chapters, I found myself grinding to a halt as the humor lost its verve like a piece of gum chewed well beyond its time.
July 24, 2025
I’d describe Donleavy’s book as a self improvement parody. At its best, the writing is absolutely hysterical and very witty. I rarely laugh while reading but I found myself laughing out frequently.
Humor is bawdy, earthy, and oftentimes makes great fun of everyone, bit especially the supercilious, upper crust.
I wanted to give The Unexpurgated Code five stars, but the final quarter of this book sort of petered out.
April 18, 2025
Funny but dated
Ridiculously over-the-top advice to those aspiring to The Upper Crust, whether gained honestly or not. Be ready for light to moderate elitism, racism, sexism...pretty much all the "-isms," delivered with at least a MidAtlantic accent.
Ridiculously over-the-top advice to those aspiring to The Upper Crust, whether gained honestly or not. Be ready for light to moderate elitism, racism, sexism...pretty much all the "-isms," delivered with at least a MidAtlantic accent.
May 17, 2025
I made it about 60% of the way through this before I realized that the funny moments (and there are some very funny moments), did not make up for the casual misogyny and flat nature of many of the jokes.
June 4, 2025
Pretty funny, but I wish I had just read five pages at a time, then put it down for a month, and then repeated that process. Done all at once, it felt like a too-long three-day weekend at a cabin with friends that you hadn’t known long enough to do that with.
June 6, 2025
I gave up on this book. It was probably funny 50 years ago but it seemed dumb to me. It was a series of humorous and edgy pieces of advice to someone seeking to be a "social climber." I regret buying it.
November 17, 2018
some of it was quite hilarious, the farting for some reason. quite a wide range of situations. a bit dated in some parts
November 24, 2018
Very funny. But a little goes a long way.
July 8, 2019
With so many of my habits represented in this work, i am left to wonder whether this is a guide or critique.
November 16, 2024
Reprehensible in many ways but damned funny and extraordinarily well written. The loan of this book by a family friend some 45 years ago - I was 16 at the time - turned into a gift and I've reread this same torn and battered copy every few years since.
April 12, 2025
One of funniest books I ever read. Worth a reread.
Read
April 19, 2025Skimmed
May 9, 2025
I recently read an article claiming that this satirical guide to social climbing and putting on airs was the funniest book in the English language. That, my good sir, is poppycock!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews