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542 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1989



These stories are about skinheads, X-ray patients, whores, lovers, fetishists and other lost souls. Some of you will not like them, but I ask you to consider the wise words of that forceps philosopher, Robert Gilmore McKinnell: “While it would be inappropriate to dedicate a vade mecum to a group of cold-blooded vertebrates, perhaps a kind word would not be out of order.” This has been one of my intentions. And yet single-minded kindness might prohibit kind words, or any words, because words only show the good to our eyes; they do not bring the good to our hearts. My attempts to do good, however, having been disasters thus far, I have become a mere recording angel instead of a Michael or Gabriel (in whom I do not believe). So much for that subject.
I have not verified any of the claims, reminiscences, yarns and anecdotes told me. But neither have I altered their content. They are as they are. Why should I care whether they are true or not? When someone tells me a story it is probably true for him; if not, why cannot I make it true for me? If I were perfect, I would believe everything I heard. -- To reverse the dictum of Hassan the Assassin, “All is true: Nothing is permissible.” -- In my scholarly edition of the Bible are footnotes explaining the Divine in terms of the merely meteorological. But it would seem no less admirable to explain the meteorological in terms of the Divine. Surely I can know more than I see. I did not see Bootwoman Marisa’s tooth get pulled out with pliers. But I will believe her anyhow. -- Neither would it matter to me if there were no Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. The issue is what I would do if my King were going to cast me in the Burning Fiery Furnace. If you object to my gullibility, I envy you; you will build great steel logic-castles, I am sure, whereas my roof has been leaking for three years.
I know that I am... plodding, sneaking, sneaking across my concrete days, while something big and bad comes after me. I know that I must admire myself and every[one else] or trying, however unsuccessfully, to sneak away. When I see an infant clutching for his shiny plastic toys, or sucking at the breast, I am sad, because I know that he will die, and the manipulations which he is learning can do no more than help him get through life. At these times I myself manipulate things to console myself. When I activate the squeaker, the baby becomes excited and kicks his fat feet and shakes his head and tries to suck at his shirt, looking at the Platonic Form of a Breast; watching him I am consoled by his involvement. This is the most important function of engineering.