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by Duncan Fairhurst

Казвам се Дънкън Феърхърст.
Преживял съм детството си като обект на сексуално насилие.
Това е моята история.

Най-голямото престъпление на баща ми, сега си давам сметка, е, че ме накара да си мисля, да вярвам, че това е нормално. Откъде можех да знам, че не е? Той ми беше баща...Мисля, че ако тогава беше сам, щях да го убия на място.

Ужасно трудно е да се обясни какво е да си дете и да те принуждават да водиш ненормален, противен, покваряващ психиката живот. Със спираща дъха и сърцето прямота авторът изповядва най-интимните кътчета от душата си, събира смелост да се върне към миналото, за да предпази други деца от подобна съдба и да спаси собственото си бъдеше. Дънкън помага на мнозина да се родят за нов живот, така както се ражда митичният Феникс.

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, True Story, Biography Memoir, Memoir, Autobiography, True Crime

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

Reviews

[Merissa (Archaeolibrarian) · Rating 4 out of 5]

It seems wrong to give this book 4 stars when the description comes up with 'Really Liked It.' I didn't like. Not at all. It's a horrifying story made even worse because it is true. There is no glory in this book. Nothing that could make you think that it's 'OK.' I have had tears running down my cheeks as I've read it and do not want to read it again for a while. One comment made by the author is that the UK legal system is currently set up to favour the criminal and not the victim. How I wish this were otherwise.

I take my hat off to Duncan Fairhurst for writing down this account and showing himself in a true light, rather than trying to hide parts of it. I wish him all the best for the future and congratulate him on the choices he has made and still has to make. He has turned himself around.

* Verified Purchase ~ January 2013 *

Merissa
Archaeolibrarian - I Dig Good Books!
Jan 6, 2013

[Eva-Marie Nevarez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Duncan fairhurst did an excellant job of getting his feelings across what what kind of insane hell his childhood AND his later years were like. I think most of us, I know I do, have a very, very hard time understanding how ANYONE can abuse a child. How much more difficult is it to understand how a parent abuses their own child?
How does a father come to the realization that it's okay to have his son touch him in such a way? How does that happen? How does this go undetected for SOOO LONG? Did no one notice ANYTHNG?
If nothing else, I think books like this prove to others that children NEED BE LISTENED TO and NOT IGNORED.
The book really flows and it's a very fast read. I found myself getting so angry at almost everyone involved. His father of course, his mother for being blind, his friends when he was older for not believing him, every single person that came into contact with him that didn't see. I know the blame can't be put on every single person I know, but it's maddening to think no one saw ANYTHING with such a troubled child.
I can't imagine growing up even unloved or unwanted, much less growing up abused by my own parents.
Shy Keenan, author of Broken is Chief Advocate for The Phoenix Survivors group and has written the forword for this book. Both of these books, Fairhurst's and Keenan's go a long way to making these kids stories known to the public who otherwise go by a 'don't see it, don't care about it' attitude.

[Abc]

Una storia che non si vorrebbe mai sentire. Un bambino abusato dal padre fin dalla più tenera età.
Con grande coraggio Duncan Fairhurst ci racconta il dramma che ha vissuto per ben dieci anni. Ci parla molto sinceramente ammettendo che inizialmente non aveva idea che ciò a cui suo padre lo costringeva fosse qualcosa di proibito. A lui suo papà diceva che era una manifestazione di affetto normale, ma che doveva restare un segreto. E il piccolo Duncan, sebbene fosse a disagio, nella sua ingenuità si sentiva speciale e in qualche modo ricevere le attenzioni del padre lo inorgogliva.
Solo all'età di 14 anni Duncan ha trovato il coraggio di ribellarsi e ha tentato il suicidio. Da allora suo padre non ha più osato molestarlo, ma le ferite erano ormai profondamente radicate in Duncan che trovava solo nell'abuso di droga il modo per distaccarsi da una realtà così intollerabile.
A trent'anni, dopo un lungo percorso di riabilitazione psicologica, Duncan ha denunciato finalmente suo padre scontrandosi con la burocrazia e le leggi che spesso sembrano più dalla parte dell'abusante che dell'abusato.
Non posso che provare una grande ammirazione per Fairhurst per la forza che ha avuto nel ricostruirsi una vita e nel portare alla luce la sua storia.

[Teneal · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the story of a young boy who is sexually abused from the age of four through to fourteen. It is a terribly sad story.

I managed to not really cry that much through it. I think it was because the author remained very 'matter of fact' about it and presented his story like facts. It is disgusting the things he had to go through. It also really reinforced the fact that I've always known that my calling in life, career wise, is to help children like this. I really hope I follow it eventually.

[Sheralin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This story is about a young boy who was being sexually abused by his own father. His mother treat her sister well but not him. Slowly his father had brian wash him. During bath time, his father would bath for him. From then, his father started to sexually abused him. Whenever he wants something, he would have to do a 'favour' for his father. Starting was just mild but as days go on, sexually abusing became a routine for him. Whenever his mum and sister went out, his father would take the opportunity to rape him. There is one time when his father even took videos and pictures to earn money. Once he had even tried to commit suicide by taking sleeping pill but was saved. From then, his family had been treating him well. As he grow up, he knew that what his father did to him was not because he loved him but it was an offence. When he had grown up, he had sued his father and had a happy family.

[Kate · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book along with Please Daddy No. The author was abused for a decade from the age of four and suffered because of his father. The torment, rape and abuse that this poor man suffered is heartwrenching and disgusting. The fact that Duncan had the guts to prosecute his father and then write about it in order to help other people understand abuse is just mind blowing.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my god. Was so not prepared for this one. This was the first 'real-life abuse' book I bought. I now own too many. This was a real shocker. But I'm now addicted to the non-fiction survival stories that seem to be flooding the bookstores these days.

[Bryce Berman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not exactly a beach read but nonetheless

[Kiri · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a self biography of Duncan Fairhurst. It's about the suffering he went through while getting sexually abused by his father, and his struggle of getting a better life later on.
It's awful reading how it really happened, told by the victim himself. It's a terrifying story, disgusting at times. At some points you can put yourself in his place, so strong that you can almost feel the actions.

This is an amazing book. At some points in the book I had to cry. The story is so so so well written, Fairhurst is truly a talented man. The story is awful, and the fact that it is his biography, describing a true life story only makes it more beautiful, yet terrifying to read. I loved the book, but I hated the storyline, because of the awful happenings. But really, I love the book!

I will recommend this book to anyone with a mind strong enough to handle this kind of reads. Go read it. It's amazing.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written book the provides the insight into the lives of a child that was painfully abused mentally and physically. Gives a good insight into the lives of both the abused and the abuser, giving positive hope that maybe the abused will not become an abuser. A definite read!!

[Sabina Rois · Rating 4 out of 5]

Трудно е да кажеш "харесва ми тази книга", предвид факта, че си наясно, че това е автобиографичен роман и тези зверства действително са преживени от някой. Предполагам за много хора би била емоционално натоварваща, но заради определени обстоятелства от моето минало ми беше изключително полезна.

[Jools · Rating 3 out of 5]

Courageously written true story about one boy's fight to overcome the evil abuse by his father. A disturbing book - not for the faint-hearted.

[Tonia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sad and shocking but true...very good read

[The Novel Vault · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read Our little secret at the same time as a different autobiography and I have to say that this book was the lesser of the two.

No doubt that Duncan sufferer unimaginable traumas but the book just felt very odd, to start with the abuse although horrific, was actually a very short section of the book.

When I got to the part where the abuse was over and realised just how much of the book was left, around 2/3rds, it was difficult for me to decide whether to finish the book or not, in the end I did, and I was glad I did, but even now looking back at that last 2/3rd's I can't help feeling that some of it felt off,
I don't want to say it felt unimportant to the story because this is a memoir and therefore the events are all imprtant,
But if this was a fiction book I would say 'I don't know how that story line futhered the plot' or that 'it didn't seem to flow well from that point on'. But how do you express that about someone's life story?

Duncan ended up getting a very good verdict in court, but like most people I can help that thinking that the justice system doesn't punish the abusers enough and they get a lot of leniency even though they're being convicted of a lot of horrible crime. Which is a shame really and is only going to keep victims feeling like they can't speak up.

[Kofit Chuck · Rating 1 out of 5]

Half fairytale and half true. Its his own revenge on his family cos no real love, admiration and attention where given to him when he was a child. He never understood why his mother never gave him the love he always wanted and ultimately made his dad responsible for it .In the end he punished his mother and his sister as well by putting his own dad in jail... more than 20 years later.. out of its own frustration and anger.. He stated that he has a degree in psychology .. which I doubt cos otherwise he would have asked his dad questions about his own childhood and what drove him to do all this , post war childhoods were traumatic. This book sale is also an ego/greed boost for author, thats why he wrote it over dramatically and he made up some stories.. drama sells doesnt it Duncan? Does someone with a psychology degree has to go on reddit and post the following? https://ibb.co/NNHPPz3 He cant even handle his own 10yr old daughter ,how could he ever understand the real motives behind his dads actions? He is simple stuck in anger and revenge and by putting his dad in jail he will suffer till the end of its days..

[HaroldReads · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.8 star
An awful story about the abused have encountered by the author itself. It's quiet hard to digest the thought of how he manage to survive. He went to different struggle through his life from Drugs, Relationships to their house and to his Father. I'm glad Rosalie and Derrick helped him to recover from his suffering through the dark.

[Peirson Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m not rating it 4 starts because I like the story. It is fucked up and horrible and I can’t even imagine what Duncan must of went through during that time in his life. I’m rating it 4 starts because he has done an amazing job at getting his story down on a page, the good times and the bad times and what comes after

[Gimo De Faveri · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pur avendolo apprezzato, non sono riuscito a sentirmi completamente coinvolto: la storia rimane interessante ma emotivamente un po’ distante e l’empatia con il protagonista non si sviluppa fino in fondo. Resta comunque una lettura valida, soprattutto per l’attenzione e la sensibilità con cui tratta il suo tema centrale.

[Annette Hoe · Rating 4 out of 5]

A true story about a boy sexually abused by his Dad from the age of 4 to 14 years old, written very honestly and upsetting at times explaining how it destroys your life but how he fought back.

[Colette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book I love TRUE stories so happy that he's in jail and his son has someone helping him piece his life together!. Thoroughly well told!

[Lisa Laming · Rating 2 out of 5]

I only just started reading this book and already I'm disturbed by it. I'm not sure I can finish reading it.
Based on a true story suffered by the writer at the hands of his father.

[Karin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hur betygsätter man en bok som är så hemsk, detaljerad och vidrig att man blir illamående och helst vill sluta läsa?
Den är samtidigt viktigt. Alltför ständigt aktuell.

[Gail Danks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking

[Crystal Weaver · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really sad book but it had a pretty good ending for the character despite a hard life for him in the start.

[Eke]

õudne. mõned (paljud) inimesed ei tohiks kunagi lapsi saada ega lastega kokku puutuda.

[Joanne Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started this because I was in a funk with my reading so I thought I would read something that I haven't read for a while and I can say that this one is heartbreaking and disturbing and I can’t get FLICK out of my head!!!
I hate what people do to children and get away with it but not in this one, I even went onto the old Google and done some research hehe and I found some interesting stuff about the coppers in this book.
I'm not gonna go all out with this but it was sad what happened to a little boy but I'm glad I read...

[Danni · Rating 5 out of 5]

I commend the author greatly for sharing his experience, as too often victims are told not to talk about it when it needs to be known for anything to be done, and if it encourages just one person to take action against their perpetrator then you have done them a great service by providing your story.
Hoping it inspires outrage at the system and leads to change, protecting the victims instead of the perpetrators.
You most certainly are not alone.

[Milly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very brave man and a very honest story.
I felt sad for Duncan for what he went through, that he wasn't believed sometimes and what effect the abuse has on him.
At the end I felt really proud of his courage to get justice. Really good book!

[Jim · Rating 4 out of 5]

A shocking and insightful account of a father abusing his son and how the consequenses reach far beyond the abuse.

[Alison Gray]

A sad read