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L'ombre de Billy
Kevin Derocher a trente-deux ans quand il entre dans le cabinet de Tom pour la première fois, fraîchement marié, un bébé en route, et le col de sa chemise de flanelle rouge remonté pour cacher les bleus laissés sur sa gorge par la corde avec laquelle il s’est pendu dans son garage. Après sa première séance, le psychologue Tom Langlois pense qu’il ne reverra plus jamais Kevin ‒ mais trois ans plus tard, Kevin reparaît pour faire des réparations dans la nouvelle maison de Tom.
Ils se lient rapidement d’amitié, et Tom se met à suspecter Kevin d’avoir envie de plus. Cependant, Kevin est hanté par des événements survenus durant son enfance ‒ des événements si terribles que son esprit les a refoulés. Ces souvenirs enfouis empêchent Kevin de se rapprocher de quiconque sans paniquer ou s’en prendre aux autres, parfois avec violence. Mais alors que son passé se met à refaire surface, il apparaît que Kevin détient peut-être la clé d’un mystère vieux de vingt-cinq ans : qu’est-il arrivé à Billy ?
250 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 22, 2013
39 people are currently reading
1314 people want to read
About the author
Jamie Fessenden
45 books389 followersJamie Fessenden set out to be a writer in junior high school. He published a couple short pieces in his high school's literary magazine and had another story place in the top 100 in a national contest, but it wasn't until he met his partner, Erich, almost twenty years later, that he began writing again in earnest. With Erich alternately inspiring and goading him, Jamie wrote several screenplays and directed a few of them as micro-budget independent films. He then began writing novels and published his first novella in 2010.
After nine years together, Jamie and Erich married and purchased a house together in the wilds of Raymond, New Hampshire, where there are no street lights, turkeys and deer wander through their yard, and coyotes serenade them on a nightly basis. Jamie recently left his "day job" as a tech support analyst to be a full-time writer.
After nine years together, Jamie and Erich married and purchased a house together in the wilds of Raymond, New Hampshire, where there are no street lights, turkeys and deer wander through their yard, and coyotes serenade them on a nightly basis. Jamie recently left his "day job" as a tech support analyst to be a full-time writer.
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July 31, 2013
4 disturbing stars.****Review completed July 31, 2013
UPDATE: I added the author's message to my review. Scroll down...
Even though the MCs did not go swimming this gif kinda reflects the story for me. The hot tub (water), the darkness, the stillness, trying to evade the ugly past, not really wanting to remember what happened and yet he will emerge again to face up to the trauma.
When Kevin is thirty-two he walks into Tom's office for counseling after he tried to commit suicide. After this interesting yet not so fruitful session, both of them knew Kevin would not come back again when he walked out of Tom's office. Three years later Tom meets Kevin again when he needs help with his broken hot tub. After the repair is done they get into a conversation and over the next few weeks they form a friendly yet halting relationship. But might there even be an option for more than friendship or is Kevin only a little bit bi-curious?
I believe it would be favorable to go prepared into this story IF you are sensitive to the ugly subject matter of . I strongly advise you to read the author's note. Billy's Bones contains scenes which could be possible triggers for survivors of
In spite of all that I'm glad I read this book. I'm also glad that after an incredibly slooooow beginning the story turned out to be well worth reading. On the other hand, I must admit I'm not surprised that Billy's Bones is such an intriguing read because the author really sucked me in with his engaging writing style right from the first page. Also, let me clarify something. Even though the story starts off so slow, I'm sure it accommodated the plot tremendously which unfolded progressively. And, the slow build-up supported Kevin's credible character and did intensify the uncertainty. All of his actions were comprehensible except his sudden urge for Well, I guess you should cut me some slack coz I'm only a little amateur shrink. Oddly enough, I knew what happened to Kevin early on, and yet I felt a certain lack of knowledge which was always hovering over me, nagging and teasing me. When you look at the and it made me kinda itchy. Having said this, it also helped to maintain a rather high level of tension all the time. What I like about this kind of story is the fact that I, as the reader, can act as a little amateur psychologist. It's fascinating to delve into a mind like Kevin's and to go along with his panic attacks and to pick apart his self-defence mechanisms. So, if the author gives you so much food for thought it's easy to draw your own conclusions. When I read about how
Kudos to the author who did a fine job with the research as well as the handling of the sensitive subject matter. Moreover, Billy's Bones reads realistically and you can feel that the author put a lot of effort into the story. The meticulous build-up to the final ugly "climax" was extraordinarily well done. Kevin's diverse triggers paved the way for an excellent, intense and gritty trip to unraveling a mystery. Plus, it was also a journey to remembering and dealing with a very ugly truth. One thing really creeped me out. A certain song plays a major role in this story and the band was among my favorite artists when I was in school in the 80s. I won't lie, it kinda chilled me to my bones when I replayed the song in my mind. Yeah, I was back in school for a little while, though the reason was not a pleasant one.
As an afterthought, let's not forget Shadow the one-year-old Labrador pup. He really did cheer up the tense atmosphere and made me smile a lot. Love me some affectionate dog eyes. *melts*
The storm…
A friendly heads up
The steam level of Billy's Bones is practically zero, but you should read this story for the sake of the great plot and writing and the very good and in-depth characterization of Kevin.
I wouldn't classify Billy's Bones as m-m romance coz I couldn't for the life of me find anything romantic about it. And even though there were some touching and endearing moments between Kevin and Tom, the intimate interludes fell a little bit flat for me. I'd say this is more m-m fiction.
What did not work out for me
The epilogue and the out-of-the-blue urge I'm sorry but that did not add up for me at all because after such an intense read I didn'texpect want a quick and light-hearted ending wrapped up in a nice bow. Also, I could not understand that Kevin
Billy's Bones is my first read by Jamie Fessenden and I hope it won't be my last. If you don't mind the difficult subject matter and you prefer an m-m read that provides way more thoughtful story than smexy times then I must ask you: What are you waiting for? Buy this book and read it. Uneasiness guaranteed.
Recommended read.
I spoiler-tagged Jamie Fessenden's message. You shouldn't open it if you haven't read the book yet because it's definitely a spoiler.
UPDATE: I added the author's message to my review. Scroll down...
Even though the MCs did not go swimming this gif kinda reflects the story for me. The hot tub (water), the darkness, the stillness, trying to evade the ugly past, not really wanting to remember what happened and yet he will emerge again to face up to the trauma.
When Kevin is thirty-two he walks into Tom's office for counseling after he tried to commit suicide. After this interesting yet not so fruitful session, both of them knew Kevin would not come back again when he walked out of Tom's office. Three years later Tom meets Kevin again when he needs help with his broken hot tub. After the repair is done they get into a conversation and over the next few weeks they form a friendly yet halting relationship. But might there even be an option for more than friendship or is Kevin only a little bit bi-curious?
"I can't think of any way to ask this," Tom said, "without sounding like I think you're five years old. So forgive me. But…you can tell the difference between platonic love and romantic love, can't you?"
Kevin gave him that shy smile, and Tom knew he wouldn't be able to keep up his resistance much longer. "It feels romantic to me, counselor."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Then are you saying you want to be my boyfriend?"
"If you can handle (…)
At some point, the rain had started, and it was coming down in a torrent outside, making Tom feel as if they were isolated from the world, buried together beneath the warm blankets. He liked the feeling. And he liked the feeling that had welled up in his chest as they had toyed with the word "boyfriend."
Kevin rolled his eyes, but he drew the bottle out of his pocket and took one of the tablets out. Then he held it up dramatically in front of Tom's face before popping it into his mouth.
Tom ignored the mocking gesture. "Aren't you supposed to take that with water?"
"I was hoping you'd lift your shirt so I could suckle off your tit for a few minutes."
I believe it would be favorable to go prepared into this story IF you are sensitive to the ugly subject matter of . I strongly advise you to read the author's note. Billy's Bones contains scenes which could be possible triggers for survivors of
In spite of all that I'm glad I read this book. I'm also glad that after an incredibly slooooow beginning the story turned out to be well worth reading. On the other hand, I must admit I'm not surprised that Billy's Bones is such an intriguing read because the author really sucked me in with his engaging writing style right from the first page. Also, let me clarify something. Even though the story starts off so slow, I'm sure it accommodated the plot tremendously which unfolded progressively. And, the slow build-up supported Kevin's credible character and did intensify the uncertainty. All of his actions were comprehensible except his sudden urge for Well, I guess you should cut me some slack coz I'm only a little amateur shrink. Oddly enough, I knew what happened to Kevin early on, and yet I felt a certain lack of knowledge which was always hovering over me, nagging and teasing me. When you look at the and it made me kinda itchy. Having said this, it also helped to maintain a rather high level of tension all the time. What I like about this kind of story is the fact that I, as the reader, can act as a little amateur psychologist. It's fascinating to delve into a mind like Kevin's and to go along with his panic attacks and to pick apart his self-defence mechanisms. So, if the author gives you so much food for thought it's easy to draw your own conclusions. When I read about how
Kudos to the author who did a fine job with the research as well as the handling of the sensitive subject matter. Moreover, Billy's Bones reads realistically and you can feel that the author put a lot of effort into the story. The meticulous build-up to the final ugly "climax" was extraordinarily well done. Kevin's diverse triggers paved the way for an excellent, intense and gritty trip to unraveling a mystery. Plus, it was also a journey to remembering and dealing with a very ugly truth. One thing really creeped me out. A certain song plays a major role in this story and the band was among my favorite artists when I was in school in the 80s. I won't lie, it kinda chilled me to my bones when I replayed the song in my mind. Yeah, I was back in school for a little while, though the reason was not a pleasant one.
As an afterthought, let's not forget Shadow the one-year-old Labrador pup. He really did cheer up the tense atmosphere and made me smile a lot. Love me some affectionate dog eyes. *melts*
The storm…
A friendly heads up
The steam level of Billy's Bones is practically zero, but you should read this story for the sake of the great plot and writing and the very good and in-depth characterization of Kevin.
I wouldn't classify Billy's Bones as m-m romance coz I couldn't for the life of me find anything romantic about it. And even though there were some touching and endearing moments between Kevin and Tom, the intimate interludes fell a little bit flat for me. I'd say this is more m-m fiction.
What did not work out for me
The epilogue and the out-of-the-blue urge I'm sorry but that did not add up for me at all because after such an intense read I didn't
Billy's Bones is my first read by Jamie Fessenden and I hope it won't be my last. If you don't mind the difficult subject matter and you prefer an m-m read that provides way more thoughtful story than smexy times then I must ask you: What are you waiting for? Buy this book and read it. Uneasiness guaranteed.
Recommended read.
I spoiler-tagged Jamie Fessenden's message. You shouldn't open it if you haven't read the book yet because it's definitely a spoiler.
March 13, 2017
*Only $0.99 at Amazon US right now! 5/2/16! http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00E36RDY8/*
Wow, something totally different from anything that I've read before from Jamie Fessenden. This was excellent, just excellent but also very dark and difficult to read, even tortuous at times. Readers, proceed with caution.
This book reminded me a little of Finding Zach in the level of angst, if that rings any bells for anyone. Similarly, it was fabulously, flawlessly written.
From the cover, I had expected a paranormal or historical/paranormal for some reason. I think the green hues and the dog on the cover made me think "urban fantasy". However, this is a contemporary romance through and through, albeit an interesting one. Kevin is a damaged man, even from the first page where he is introduced, but a fascinating character. He is full of dichotomies yet is incredibly endearing, and he appealed to me from the start. Tom was also a wonderful character. The journey that these two guys took together, both psychologically and in their romantic relationship, is not one I'll soon forget.
I think what was best about the romance aspect of the book for me was the slow burn. You don't get much slower than in this book, I think. I am a huge sucker for a slow burn romance and I certainly got it here. I found it incredibly realistic but also a touch disappointing that we don't have much in this book, but I think it has to be that way to fit with the plot.
My only issue for me with this book is that it got difficult to read at times towards the end. It is brutally in your face, even when it hurts. I wanted to skim sections but I forced myself to read. It is not for those with difficulty reading books where the MC has a very dark past.
I think this book really showcased the author's versatility and ability to write a very weighty book with a lot of skill. Excellent work, Jamie Fessenden.
Wow, something totally different from anything that I've read before from Jamie Fessenden. This was excellent, just excellent but also very dark and difficult to read, even tortuous at times. Readers, proceed with caution.
This book reminded me a little of Finding Zach in the level of angst, if that rings any bells for anyone. Similarly, it was fabulously, flawlessly written.
From the cover, I had expected a paranormal or historical/paranormal for some reason. I think the green hues and the dog on the cover made me think "urban fantasy". However, this is a contemporary romance through and through, albeit an interesting one. Kevin is a damaged man, even from the first page where he is introduced, but a fascinating character. He is full of dichotomies yet is incredibly endearing, and he appealed to me from the start. Tom was also a wonderful character. The journey that these two guys took together, both psychologically and in their romantic relationship, is not one I'll soon forget.
I think what was best about the romance aspect of the book for me was the slow burn. You don't get much slower than in this book, I think. I am a huge sucker for a slow burn romance and I certainly got it here. I found it incredibly realistic but also a touch disappointing that we don't have much in this book, but I think it has to be that way to fit with the plot.
My only issue for me with this book is that it got difficult to read at times towards the end. It is brutally in your face, even when it hurts. I wanted to skim sections but I forced myself to read. It is not for those with difficulty reading books where the MC has a very dark past.
I think this book really showcased the author's versatility and ability to write a very weighty book with a lot of skill. Excellent work, Jamie Fessenden.
August 1, 2013
Jamie Fessenden, I love you.
I love you for Kevin, for Tom, for Shadow, for the hot tub and just…the words. All the words you used to create this gorgeous, dark, mysterious, provocative book.
I love you. So. Hard.
Billy's Bones is the story of Kevin, a deeply troubled man with a secret so big even he doesn't know what it is, and Tom, a therapist who might just help Kevin figure it all out.
This book is filled with brilliant, easy, realistic action and conversation. I was there, I'm telling you. I was in New Hampshire, sitting on that deck, in a booth in that diner, walking Kevin's childhood home, in Sue's office for some therapy. I was there. I felt what Kevin felt. I felt what Tom felt. I hurt for them. I had tingly butterflies when Kevin stroked Tom's cheek and touched his lips. I cried with Kevin's big “break.”
I was there.
This book is dark and the subject matter is heavy, but it's dealt with so beautifully. Are there things that can make a reader feel uncomfortable? Yes. But they're handled so delicately, so thoughtfully. And for anyone worried about story resolution/HEA, you get a nice one. One that felt perfect and right to me.
Read this book. Please read it now. It's so good.
One last thing, and don't click this if you haven't read the book. Just don't. But Jamie? I wanna talk with you in private.
I love you for Kevin, for Tom, for Shadow, for the hot tub and just…the words. All the words you used to create this gorgeous, dark, mysterious, provocative book.
I love you. So. Hard.
Billy's Bones is the story of Kevin, a deeply troubled man with a secret so big even he doesn't know what it is, and Tom, a therapist who might just help Kevin figure it all out.
This book is filled with brilliant, easy, realistic action and conversation. I was there, I'm telling you. I was in New Hampshire, sitting on that deck, in a booth in that diner, walking Kevin's childhood home, in Sue's office for some therapy. I was there. I felt what Kevin felt. I felt what Tom felt. I hurt for them. I had tingly butterflies when Kevin stroked Tom's cheek and touched his lips. I cried with Kevin's big “break.”
I was there.
This book is dark and the subject matter is heavy, but it's dealt with so beautifully. Are there things that can make a reader feel uncomfortable? Yes. But they're handled so delicately, so thoughtfully. And for anyone worried about story resolution/HEA, you get a nice one. One that felt perfect and right to me.
Read this book. Please read it now. It's so good.
One last thing, and don't click this if you haven't read the book. Just don't. But Jamie? I wanna talk with you in private.
August 7, 2013
Heartbreaking. Disturbing. Beautiful.
Three years ago, Tom met Kevin for one brief moment...as a therapist to Kevin following his failed attempt at suicide after finding out his wife was pregnant. Now, Tom has bought a new-to-him house and comes across Kevin's name when asking for a recommendation for a handyman to repair his hot tub. Kevin is now divorced...but still suffering from panic attacks and sexual dysfunctions.
Neither guy has any close friends of the hang-out-and-grill-and-drink-beer variety, and they soon find themselves spending a lot of time together. Things get a bit weird once Tom admits he his gay and even weirder when they start spending all of their time together in the buff...in a non-sexual way. As a psychologist, Tom admits to himself that their "friendship" is obviously odd and a bit unhealthy, but he can't help himself from falling for Kevin. Kevin admits he feels attraction for Tom and likes to look at him naked...but he has strong aversions to being touched or participating in any sex acts involving another person...even though he is very hyper-sexual and crass at times.
When their growing closeness begins to trigger increased panic attacks and flashbacks in Kevin, Tom can't fight his therapist's instinct to want to nurture and heal him. He wants to understand more about Kevin. Why does he have the anxiety and sexual dysfunctions? Why did he really try to kill himself three years ago? And the biggest question of all...will their fragile relationship survive the answers?
Okay, enough with all the plot review. I'm sure you can get all that and more just by reading the blurb.
Ladies and Gents, what you will get here is a beautiful story about two realistically, imperfect men. I think their flaws are what really allowed me to connect with them so quickly. I mean, once I started reading it was really difficult for me to leave Tom and Kevin long enough to get any work done. From their friendship to their boyfriend-ship, you will get many sweet, touching scenes interspersed with graphically, disturbing triggers from Kevin's past. Spoiler warning for anyone with abuse triggers...you should avoid this story all together.
This was a fast reading story that was progressing with every page; even when they would take two steps forward and one step back, it was always progressing. I think some readers may question Kevin's behavior, but from professional experience, I recognize that people cope with abuse and trauma in all different manners. It was obvious to me that the author spent a lot of time with his research and created very realistic and believable characters.
At times, I felt like I had it all figured out...but nope, my mind couldn't even imagine the horrors of Kevin's reality. And the one scene from the past...it ripped out my soul and left me bare and sobbing from the pain. Fuck, it makes me cry right now while writing this.
Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
Okay, I'm ready to continue...
Now that I've blown my nose and wiped away my tears, I close my eyes and contemplate how this story makes me feel in this moment...and I feel sunshine and hope and the belief that love really can conquer all. Love can overpower the darkness and despair and fucked up shit from the past.
Trust me, beneath this not-so-pretty cover is a beautiful story with a sweet HEA just waiting for you.
4.5 Stars
Reviewed for The Blog of Sid Love
Three years ago, Tom met Kevin for one brief moment...as a therapist to Kevin following his failed attempt at suicide after finding out his wife was pregnant. Now, Tom has bought a new-to-him house and comes across Kevin's name when asking for a recommendation for a handyman to repair his hot tub. Kevin is now divorced...but still suffering from panic attacks and sexual dysfunctions.
Neither guy has any close friends of the hang-out-and-grill-and-drink-beer variety, and they soon find themselves spending a lot of time together. Things get a bit weird once Tom admits he his gay and even weirder when they start spending all of their time together in the buff...in a non-sexual way. As a psychologist, Tom admits to himself that their "friendship" is obviously odd and a bit unhealthy, but he can't help himself from falling for Kevin. Kevin admits he feels attraction for Tom and likes to look at him naked...but he has strong aversions to being touched or participating in any sex acts involving another person...even though he is very hyper-sexual and crass at times.
"What do you want?" Tom asked. "If it was entirely up to you, what would you want our relationship to be like?"
"I guess I'd pretty much want to keep it the way it is. I just want to be with you as much as possible."
"Until you find a girlfriend."
"I don't want a girlfriend," Kevin said adamantly. "I don't want to be with anyone but you."
When their growing closeness begins to trigger increased panic attacks and flashbacks in Kevin, Tom can't fight his therapist's instinct to want to nurture and heal him. He wants to understand more about Kevin. Why does he have the anxiety and sexual dysfunctions? Why did he really try to kill himself three years ago? And the biggest question of all...will their fragile relationship survive the answers?
Okay, enough with all the plot review. I'm sure you can get all that and more just by reading the blurb.
Ladies and Gents, what you will get here is a beautiful story about two realistically, imperfect men. I think their flaws are what really allowed me to connect with them so quickly. I mean, once I started reading it was really difficult for me to leave Tom and Kevin long enough to get any work done. From their friendship to their boyfriend-ship, you will get many sweet, touching scenes interspersed with graphically, disturbing triggers from Kevin's past. Spoiler warning for anyone with abuse triggers...you should avoid this story all together.
This was a fast reading story that was progressing with every page; even when they would take two steps forward and one step back, it was always progressing. I think some readers may question Kevin's behavior, but from professional experience, I recognize that people cope with abuse and trauma in all different manners. It was obvious to me that the author spent a lot of time with his research and created very realistic and believable characters.
At times, I felt like I had it all figured out...but nope, my mind couldn't even imagine the horrors of Kevin's reality. And the one scene from the past...it ripped out my soul and left me bare and sobbing from the pain. Fuck, it makes me cry right now while writing this.
Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
Okay, I'm ready to continue...
Now that I've blown my nose and wiped away my tears, I close my eyes and contemplate how this story makes me feel in this moment...and I feel sunshine and hope and the belief that love really can conquer all. Love can overpower the darkness and despair and fucked up shit from the past.
Trust me, beneath this not-so-pretty cover is a beautiful story with a sweet HEA just waiting for you.
4.5 Stars
Reviewed for The Blog of Sid Love
December 31, 2023
Reread 2023 . Added a star because damn, this book is amazing. It’s not a beautiful book. Or a cozy romantic one . It’s harsh, and troubled and the hea is hard-won yet it’s tender and hopeful. My God, poor Kevin. 🥺 I can’t talk much about the plot without making spoilers but I’ll say that you should read this book (after you read the TW) because it’s really REALLY good-I’d call it a psychological suspense + romance. The writing is not that elaborated or poetical but the characters and the story will make up for it. (If you don’t have triggers go in blind because the warnings kind of spoil the mystery).
February 17, 2017
3,5 stars
It was my first book of Jamie Fessenden and for sure not the last one. The author has a very good and fluent writing style and the fact that it was not his typical book - that maintain at least the readers who have a profound knowledge of Jamie Fessenden's work - makes me even more curious.
The plot was very interesting too, but not easy to deal with. It is not a kind of book that I pick up very often.
Being an opponent of the death penalty, I can easy forget my position if it considers child abuse.
The reason for my rating:
I had my personal problems with the MCs.
Jamie Feesenden invested a lot in the development of the relationship between them, I believe that he did also plenty of therapeutic research to create believable characters but I couldn't emotionally connect myself to them:
I couldn't buy the sudden attraction of Tom for Kevin at the beginning and I couldn't understand WHY they fell in love with each other along the story. It was strangely enough to see them as friends, but to accept them both as LOVERS was almost impossible for me. And it was not ONLY because of the total absence of sex between them. Besides, for someone who appeared to be a psychiatrist Tom behaved in some situation rather like a helpless teeny. And it was difficult to imagine that they both were in their late thirties.
Tom and Kevin are likeable and nice characters, but they won't leave deep traces in my heart.
All in all, aside of my personal issues, it was a solid interesting read and I look forward to reading more of this author.
It was my first book of Jamie Fessenden and for sure not the last one. The author has a very good and fluent writing style and the fact that it was not his typical book - that maintain at least the readers who have a profound knowledge of Jamie Fessenden's work - makes me even more curious.
The plot was very interesting too, but not easy to deal with. It is not a kind of book that I pick up very often.
Being an opponent of the death penalty, I can easy forget my position if it considers child abuse.
The reason for my rating:
I had my personal problems with the MCs.
Jamie Feesenden invested a lot in the development of the relationship between them, I believe that he did also plenty of therapeutic research to create believable characters but I couldn't emotionally connect myself to them:
I couldn't buy the sudden attraction of Tom for Kevin at the beginning and I couldn't understand WHY they fell in love with each other along the story. It was strangely enough to see them as friends, but to accept them both as LOVERS was almost impossible for me. And it was not ONLY because of the total absence of sex between them. Besides, for someone who appeared to be a psychiatrist Tom behaved in some situation rather like a helpless teeny. And it was difficult to imagine that they both were in their late thirties.
Tom and Kevin are likeable and nice characters, but they won't leave deep traces in my heart.
All in all, aside of my personal issues, it was a solid interesting read and I look forward to reading more of this author.
July 22, 2013
OH my god. this book. this one is gonna sit with me for a long time. i'm a bit too emotional about it to talk about it right now, but good god. beautiful work. I love Kevin more than any character I think I've ever read. He was such a child trapped in a scared man's body. I'm a bit beyond words at the moment. Just beware if you walk into this one... it is not easy and while there's no graphic depictions of sexual abuse of the minors, it's close enough to being on-page for dramatic affect that you'll squirm, cry or like me a violent mixture of the two.
Kudos. I'd give this more than 5 stars if I could just for the respect Fessenden showed sweet Kevin. Ugh...I can't any more...
Kudos. I'd give this more than 5 stars if I could just for the respect Fessenden showed sweet Kevin. Ugh...I can't any more...
July 20, 2013
5 Stars - KAPOW!
A "Live Your Life, Buy The Book" Review
Warning: this story contains scenes which might be possible triggers for survivors of childhood abuse.
The author has this warning written at the beginning of the book and I thought to be fair, that I should put it in my review as well. This was one helluva story being told and I would not want anyone to think for one minute that they are getting a light and fluffy read. This is one of the most intense books I think I may have ever read, and at one point I even asked someone else here on LYLBTB to do it for me, because I was afraid to mess it up. This story was way out of my comfort zone. It’s dark. It’s painful. It was emotionally devastating to read. Now, with that being said, I have to say that it was by far the best book I have read this year alone.
Tom and Kevin first meet after Kevin tried to kill himself. He comes to Tom for counseling but Tom already knows after that first visit that Kevin will never come again, and he’s right. They don’t meet up again for three years. Tom just bought a house and there are many repairs to be made, but the one repair he wants done right away is the hot tub. He is given Kevin’s number from a repairman and, after some thought, he calls him to come and fix it.
After that first visit, Tom realizes that he actually likes Kevin and wants to spend time with him. After awhile he starts to notice that Kevin feels the same way. Kevin starts spending almost every day with Tom with those days soon turning into nights as well. There is only one problem, Tom is attracted to Kevin but he knows nothing can come of it because the other man is straight. Or so he thought. It doesn’t take long before Tom lets his feelings be known and Kevin really likes Tom as well, but when they kiss for the first time Kevin has a major panic attack. Those panic attacks start to come more often and Tom is unsure what to do about it.
Kevin has so many issues. Issues that need to be carefully looked into by a professional, but he refuses to be seen by anyone. Then one evening Kevin hurts himself and when Tom brings out the rubbing alcohol it triggers something inside of Kevin causing him to be thrown into a massive panic attack and lash out. From there, Kevin’s world is ripped apart. Everything he does seems to trigger a part of his memory. Memories that Kevin wishes would just stay away. Nightmares, songs on the radio, visiting his old home, rainstorms – it doesn’t matter what it is, it seems to trigger something inside Kevin and watching him go through those moments was completely heart breaking.
There was so much love between Tom and Kevin that I kept wishing over and over for things to be different for them. Tom is everything to Kevin and without his help and the love of a gorgeous puppy named Shadow, I am truly not sure if Kevin would not have tried to kill himself again.
What was worst for me to read was when Kevin had his big therapy break through and we got to see everything from his POV. My head and heart were at an emotional level that I am not used to while reading a book. I guess when looking at that from an author’s POV, that is a great thing. That means his/her story has had the affect it was meant to and I will be the first to say that this book has affected me. There was not a moment today that I didn’t think about this story. Not since I finished reading that very last page. And I can guarantee it will be a long time before it fades from my mind.
Brilliant.. Gripping.. Suspenseful.. Emotional.. Page turner.. Go. Buy the book.
A "Live Your Life, Buy The Book" Review
Warning: this story contains scenes which might be possible triggers for survivors of childhood abuse.
The author has this warning written at the beginning of the book and I thought to be fair, that I should put it in my review as well. This was one helluva story being told and I would not want anyone to think for one minute that they are getting a light and fluffy read. This is one of the most intense books I think I may have ever read, and at one point I even asked someone else here on LYLBTB to do it for me, because I was afraid to mess it up. This story was way out of my comfort zone. It’s dark. It’s painful. It was emotionally devastating to read. Now, with that being said, I have to say that it was by far the best book I have read this year alone.
Tom and Kevin first meet after Kevin tried to kill himself. He comes to Tom for counseling but Tom already knows after that first visit that Kevin will never come again, and he’s right. They don’t meet up again for three years. Tom just bought a house and there are many repairs to be made, but the one repair he wants done right away is the hot tub. He is given Kevin’s number from a repairman and, after some thought, he calls him to come and fix it.
After that first visit, Tom realizes that he actually likes Kevin and wants to spend time with him. After awhile he starts to notice that Kevin feels the same way. Kevin starts spending almost every day with Tom with those days soon turning into nights as well. There is only one problem, Tom is attracted to Kevin but he knows nothing can come of it because the other man is straight. Or so he thought. It doesn’t take long before Tom lets his feelings be known and Kevin really likes Tom as well, but when they kiss for the first time Kevin has a major panic attack. Those panic attacks start to come more often and Tom is unsure what to do about it.
Kevin has so many issues. Issues that need to be carefully looked into by a professional, but he refuses to be seen by anyone. Then one evening Kevin hurts himself and when Tom brings out the rubbing alcohol it triggers something inside of Kevin causing him to be thrown into a massive panic attack and lash out. From there, Kevin’s world is ripped apart. Everything he does seems to trigger a part of his memory. Memories that Kevin wishes would just stay away. Nightmares, songs on the radio, visiting his old home, rainstorms – it doesn’t matter what it is, it seems to trigger something inside Kevin and watching him go through those moments was completely heart breaking.
There was so much love between Tom and Kevin that I kept wishing over and over for things to be different for them. Tom is everything to Kevin and without his help and the love of a gorgeous puppy named Shadow, I am truly not sure if Kevin would not have tried to kill himself again.
What was worst for me to read was when Kevin had his big therapy break through and we got to see everything from his POV. My head and heart were at an emotional level that I am not used to while reading a book. I guess when looking at that from an author’s POV, that is a great thing. That means his/her story has had the affect it was meant to and I will be the first to say that this book has affected me. There was not a moment today that I didn’t think about this story. Not since I finished reading that very last page. And I can guarantee it will be a long time before it fades from my mind.
Brilliant.. Gripping.. Suspenseful.. Emotional.. Page turner.. Go. Buy the book.
December 15, 2015
Cold sweat, guys. This story left me speechless. I am a sucker for mystery plots and this one was even darker than I would have thought. I probably should have guessed the book wasn't called 'Billy's Bones' for nothing.
What initially fascinated me about this story was the unusual therapist/patient couple. It seems logical that hooking up with your therapist is not the most recommendable thing to do. And actually these two did stumble a lot along the fine line between compassionate boyfriend and analyzing counselor. Funny enough, Kevin nicknamed his boyfriend 'Counselor', which I found totally endearing, while it also reflected their difficult relationship.
Three years previous to the story, Kevin had tried to commit suicide by hanging himself and Tom, the therapist, saw him once as part of the psychological after-treatment. Kevin, who is constantly afraid to face his demons, never showed up for a second appointment, so Tom lost track and was surprised to run into his former patient when he purchased a house in the countryside and Kevin turns out to be the local handyman who helps him fix things around the house.
Of course, knowing that Kevin had and probably still has emotional issues doesn't stop Tom from falling for the handsome guy and despite his colleague's advice to stay away from the mentally unstable Kevin, the two form an unusual bond that leads to Tom learning about Kevin's terrible past, unveiling piece after piece of the deeply buried memories that Kevin has suppressed all his adult life.
In the foreword, Jamie Fessenden talks about how the therapy parts of the book were checked by several real-life therapists to make sure things were correct. This made the book even more interesting, because I felt that the parts where Kevin did uncover more and more of what he had forgotten were intensely realistic.
And it got worse when Tom realizes that Kevin might not only be the victim of a terrible crime in his past, he might also be involved in a murder. If only he could remember the details.
I think people who suffered from sexual abuse in their childhood should probably not read into this. I found it really scary and traumatizing. Just imagining that this may happen to people - children - in real life is absolutely terrifying.
By the way, I'm not sure if the author dislikes the music of Mr Mister or if it was just a random song he picked, but I can never listen to that particular song again without thinking of that scene. It was really terrifying. I feel sorry for the song, though, it's actually a good one, IMO.
Anyway, this book was really well done. It's an unusual romance and a a captivating thriller. I am deeply impressed.
5 stars an on my list of favorites!
What initially fascinated me about this story was the unusual therapist/patient couple. It seems logical that hooking up with your therapist is not the most recommendable thing to do. And actually these two did stumble a lot along the fine line between compassionate boyfriend and analyzing counselor. Funny enough, Kevin nicknamed his boyfriend 'Counselor', which I found totally endearing, while it also reflected their difficult relationship.
Three years previous to the story, Kevin had tried to commit suicide by hanging himself and Tom, the therapist, saw him once as part of the psychological after-treatment. Kevin, who is constantly afraid to face his demons, never showed up for a second appointment, so Tom lost track and was surprised to run into his former patient when he purchased a house in the countryside and Kevin turns out to be the local handyman who helps him fix things around the house.
Of course, knowing that Kevin had and probably still has emotional issues doesn't stop Tom from falling for the handsome guy and despite his colleague's advice to stay away from the mentally unstable Kevin, the two form an unusual bond that leads to Tom learning about Kevin's terrible past, unveiling piece after piece of the deeply buried memories that Kevin has suppressed all his adult life.
In the foreword, Jamie Fessenden talks about how the therapy parts of the book were checked by several real-life therapists to make sure things were correct. This made the book even more interesting, because I felt that the parts where Kevin did uncover more and more of what he had forgotten were intensely realistic.
And it got worse when Tom realizes that Kevin might not only be the victim of a terrible crime in his past, he might also be involved in a murder. If only he could remember the details.
I think people who suffered from sexual abuse in their childhood should probably not read into this. I found it really scary and traumatizing. Just imagining that this may happen to people - children - in real life is absolutely terrifying.
By the way, I'm not sure if the author dislikes the music of Mr Mister or if it was just a random song he picked, but I can never listen to that particular song again without thinking of that scene. It was really terrifying. I feel sorry for the song, though, it's actually a good one, IMO.
Anyway, this book was really well done. It's an unusual romance and a a captivating thriller. I am deeply impressed.
5 stars an on my list of favorites!
August 23, 2013
The small hints and clues strewn into the text that led closer and closer to the horrible solution like a nightmarish spiral made for a tale so absorbing, I found myself wanting to read just ONE more chapter, just ONE more scene until it was five in the morning and I'd devored the whole thing in one go.
The mystery, and particularly its solution-- which was told in a flashback rather late in the book-- was actually deeply disturbing
The relationship between Kevin and Tom was inextricably interwoven with the mystery. It moved slowly, and there was almost no sex, even though they spent the main portion of the book together naked and TALKED about sex a lot. But did I miss the sex? Not a bit. There was pain, and confusion, and longing, and there was love and heartbreak, forgiveness and healing. Hurt/ Comfort to the max.
I loved the fact that love didn't simply conquer all here and the author stayed miles away from the "healing dick".
Kevin couldn't even stand being touched, or kissed, in the beginning, and he wasn't magically healed and up to non-stop sheet gymnastics by the end either, but I could clearly see him and Tom working from what they had and slowly, steadily moving on.
I think Kevin's characterization particularly well done,I could relate to every detail of his behavior, especially in sight of his history once the latter was fully revealed.
Tom was a psychologist, but confronted with his boyfriend's hangups he wasn't any more competent than Joe Ordinary to handle them. He made mistakes, regretted them and made up for them. However, he seemed too out of his depths at times; some of the things he said or did seemed just so abysmally stupid. That might be only me, though. 'cause I liked Tom, I liked him a lot, despite his shortcomings--or perhaps just because of them. He was so human.
This was competent, smoothly flowing, skilled writing that wrought words and sentences to maximum effect, a narrative voice that sucked me in right from the start and didn't let me go. Together with the engrossing plot, the fascinating characterizations and the haunting mystery, this was a book I won't forget anytime soon.
The mystery, and particularly its solution-- which was told in a flashback rather late in the book-- was actually deeply disturbing
The relationship between Kevin and Tom was inextricably interwoven with the mystery. It moved slowly, and there was almost no sex, even though they spent the main portion of the book together naked and TALKED about sex a lot. But did I miss the sex? Not a bit. There was pain, and confusion, and longing, and there was love and heartbreak, forgiveness and healing. Hurt/ Comfort to the max.
I loved the fact that love didn't simply conquer all here and the author stayed miles away from the "healing dick".
Kevin couldn't even stand being touched, or kissed, in the beginning, and he wasn't magically healed and up to non-stop sheet gymnastics by the end either, but I could clearly see him and Tom working from what they had and slowly, steadily moving on.
I think Kevin's characterization particularly well done,I could relate to every detail of his behavior, especially in sight of his history once the latter was fully revealed.
Tom was a psychologist, but confronted with his boyfriend's hangups he wasn't any more competent than Joe Ordinary to handle them. He made mistakes, regretted them and made up for them. However, he seemed too out of his depths at times; some of the things he said or did seemed just so abysmally stupid. That might be only me, though. 'cause I liked Tom, I liked him a lot, despite his shortcomings--or perhaps just because of them. He was so human.
This was competent, smoothly flowing, skilled writing that wrought words and sentences to maximum effect, a narrative voice that sucked me in right from the start and didn't let me go. Together with the engrossing plot, the fascinating characterizations and the haunting mystery, this was a book I won't forget anytime soon.
August 24, 2013
This story is told from the POV of a therapist, Tom. He sees a patient, Kevin, once after a suicide attempt. Then 3 years later, after buying a house, he meets Kevin again in his new neighborhood. Kevin is divorced, living in a trailer and doing handyman work, and still dealing with the repressed childhood issues that spiraled into suicide three years ago.
On the surface Kevin seems to be doing okay, coasting a bit but friendly, competent and talkative. Tom is drawn to his company. Only his reactions to certain triggers, and an oddly contradictory attitude toward nudity versus sex, illuminate the conflicts brewing under the surface. Tom doesn't want to be Kevin's therapist now - he wants to be a friend. But even that may be difficult.
**Be aware that the trauma includes - if this is triggering for you, you will want to avoid this story**
I admired a lot of things about this story. Kevin, with his odd changes of mood, attitude swings and panic attacks, seemed realistic. I liked his issues with minor triggers, and his slob-guy side that wasn't prettied up. I thought Tom's difficulties in walking the line between being Kevin's friend, not his therapist, and yet strongly wanting to help him in a counseling way that was almost instinctive, was well done. I liked the dog. :) The writing was good. Some of the descriptions gave me very nice word-pictures of the setting.
The reason this book wasn't five stars for me was personal - just that it fell into the category of books that for unknown reasons didn't raise much emotion in me. I didn't feel the attraction between the guys, other than both being available, and I'd have loved to see a bit more time for them to develop a relationship after the climactic events had occurred. I wasn't deeply drawn into either Kevin's distress, or Tom's reactions to it. YMMV. I usually can't pinpoint why one story will suck me into the angst and another with the same kind of plot feels more distant. It's worth checking out, though, if hurt/comfort/recovery stories are something you enjoy. Many reviewers clearly had a far more emotional reaction to the slow-building, painful revelations that drive the plot forward.
On the surface Kevin seems to be doing okay, coasting a bit but friendly, competent and talkative. Tom is drawn to his company. Only his reactions to certain triggers, and an oddly contradictory attitude toward nudity versus sex, illuminate the conflicts brewing under the surface. Tom doesn't want to be Kevin's therapist now - he wants to be a friend. But even that may be difficult.
**Be aware that the trauma includes - if this is triggering for you, you will want to avoid this story**
I admired a lot of things about this story. Kevin, with his odd changes of mood, attitude swings and panic attacks, seemed realistic. I liked his issues with minor triggers, and his slob-guy side that wasn't prettied up. I thought Tom's difficulties in walking the line between being Kevin's friend, not his therapist, and yet strongly wanting to help him in a counseling way that was almost instinctive, was well done. I liked the dog. :) The writing was good. Some of the descriptions gave me very nice word-pictures of the setting.
The reason this book wasn't five stars for me was personal - just that it fell into the category of books that for unknown reasons didn't raise much emotion in me. I didn't feel the attraction between the guys, other than both being available, and I'd have loved to see a bit more time for them to develop a relationship after the climactic events had occurred. I wasn't deeply drawn into either Kevin's distress, or Tom's reactions to it. YMMV. I usually can't pinpoint why one story will suck me into the angst and another with the same kind of plot feels more distant. It's worth checking out, though, if hurt/comfort/recovery stories are something you enjoy. Many reviewers clearly had a far more emotional reaction to the slow-building, painful revelations that drive the plot forward.
July 6, 2013
I had the privilege of beta reading this book, and I loved it. I'm not big on angst, but this book didn't feel too angsty, despite the plotline. The romance was so strong in this story, and the mystery about what had happened to Kevin was so compelling, that I couldn't put it down. There's a lot of love here, some yummy UST and sex, suspense, and some very interesting psychological issues explored. If you like page-turners that are more than just the same-old, same-old romance plot, you will enjoy Billy's Bones. Great job, Jamie!
September 5, 2013
I don't normally write text reviews of other authors' books because I don't feel comfortable commenting on other people's work - but wow. Seriously. This book was amazing, and has my highest recommendation.
It will haunt me for some time to come.
It will haunt me for some time to come.
October 2, 2013
Powerfully written drama of hidden sexual abuse, repressed memories, a missing boy and a 'mother' (what a joke!) who cared more for her dead husband's reputation than the fact that he may have been involved in the disappearance of a young boy.
September 25, 2013
4.5 stars
This was a gripping story. More psychological suspense than outright romance, but I loved the build up of Tom and Kevin's unconventional relationship.
Psychologist Tom first meets Kevin shortly after Kevin is released from the hospital after a suicide attempt. They have one counseling session and Kevin never returns. Three years later the men meet again when Tom hires Kevin to fix the hot tub in the house he has just moved into. The two men begin a friendship that soon blurs into something else. Outwardly straight Kevin, however, has issues that have never been addressed and is averse to being touched or having sex, but is very outgoing when it comes to talking about sex or being naked around Tom even after being told that Tom is gay.
As much as Kevin would like him to, Tom cannot separate the psychologist side of himself and yearns to help Kevin get to the root of his problems. This starts a roller coaster ride of emotions and unlocks decades old memories that hint at a horrifying past. The story is mostly told from Tom's point of view and when we finally get into Kevin's head at a crucial point in the plot it is heart wrenching and disturbing.
The writing and characterizations grabbed me from the start and the pacing was good. I loved the relationship between the two men. Tom struggles with his inability to help Kevin as he falls deeper into the relationship. Kevin yearns for a relationship but is afraid that his issues, including his inability to be physical, will quickly drive Tom away. The situation felt real to me and there is a HEA, but there is no miracle cure. I highly recommend this if you are in the mood for a serious read and look forward to reading more of Jamie Fessenden's books.
This was a gripping story. More psychological suspense than outright romance, but I loved the build up of Tom and Kevin's unconventional relationship.
Psychologist Tom first meets Kevin shortly after Kevin is released from the hospital after a suicide attempt. They have one counseling session and Kevin never returns. Three years later the men meet again when Tom hires Kevin to fix the hot tub in the house he has just moved into. The two men begin a friendship that soon blurs into something else. Outwardly straight Kevin, however, has issues that have never been addressed and is averse to being touched or having sex, but is very outgoing when it comes to talking about sex or being naked around Tom even after being told that Tom is gay.
As much as Kevin would like him to, Tom cannot separate the psychologist side of himself and yearns to help Kevin get to the root of his problems. This starts a roller coaster ride of emotions and unlocks decades old memories that hint at a horrifying past. The story is mostly told from Tom's point of view and when we finally get into Kevin's head at a crucial point in the plot it is heart wrenching and disturbing.
The writing and characterizations grabbed me from the start and the pacing was good. I loved the relationship between the two men. Tom struggles with his inability to help Kevin as he falls deeper into the relationship. Kevin yearns for a relationship but is afraid that his issues, including his inability to be physical, will quickly drive Tom away. The situation felt real to me and there is a HEA, but there is no miracle cure. I highly recommend this if you are in the mood for a serious read and look forward to reading more of Jamie Fessenden's books.
December 16, 2013
Full review can be found at On Top Down Under Book Reviews.
Another reviewer posted a warning in their review and I feel the need to do the same as this book describes some things that some might consider triggers for abuse survivors. The way everything is described is real. The author writes with sensitivity but not much is glossed over. Keep that in mind before reading this book.
This is not your typical, happy love story between two men. One of the characters (Kevin) must overcome a horrific past before he will ever be able to have a normal life with another person. His memories are not pretty and I admit to shedding a few tears while reading this book. At one point I was scared to turn the pages on my Kindle because I knew that what Kevin was remembering would be horrible and I was correct in that regard. There is a HEA but it takes a long time to get there. Kevin's story does not end with a miracle fix and for that I am grateful. Had that been the case it would not have been realistic. I applaud the author for giving Kevin the time he deserved and not glossing over the emotional and physical aspects of what he went through as a child.
This is my first book by this author. After reading Billy's Bones I can assure you that it most definitely will not be my last. It immediately jumped on my all-time favorites list.
This book was provided by Dreamspinner Press in exchange for a fair and honest review.
My Favorite Books of 2013
Another reviewer posted a warning in their review and I feel the need to do the same as this book describes some things that some might consider triggers for abuse survivors. The way everything is described is real. The author writes with sensitivity but not much is glossed over. Keep that in mind before reading this book.
This is not your typical, happy love story between two men. One of the characters (Kevin) must overcome a horrific past before he will ever be able to have a normal life with another person. His memories are not pretty and I admit to shedding a few tears while reading this book. At one point I was scared to turn the pages on my Kindle because I knew that what Kevin was remembering would be horrible and I was correct in that regard. There is a HEA but it takes a long time to get there. Kevin's story does not end with a miracle fix and for that I am grateful. Had that been the case it would not have been realistic. I applaud the author for giving Kevin the time he deserved and not glossing over the emotional and physical aspects of what he went through as a child.
This is my first book by this author. After reading Billy's Bones I can assure you that it most definitely will not be my last. It immediately jumped on my all-time favorites list.
This book was provided by Dreamspinner Press in exchange for a fair and honest review.
My Favorite Books of 2013
June 19, 2017
I asked my friend about "cold case" mystery and she recommended this one. Duly noted she and I usually have different taste when it comes to books, but the rating for this is also quite high. Well, unfortunately it totally didn't work for me. Either as mystery, psychological mystery, or romance -- as smidgen the element is.
I admit I didn't read the blurb before I jumped in. I try to avoid blurbs these days directly before I read, so I can enjoy the story the way the authors are writing them. BUT, with the title of "Billy's Bones", I guess I expected a discovery of Billy's bones then follow by investigation to everyone involved.
Guess what, the name Billy didn't even appear until around 75%!
All I got before then was boring tale about a psychologist and his ex-patient. I mean, up until around 1/4th of this book I still waited for the story to start. I mean, it's all about fixing hot tub, setting up grill, and buying furniture. I mean, really? I told my friend what was this, an ad for IKEA?
Then we had Kevin lashing out, and around 1/3rd part, Tom already said "I think I'm starting to fall for you". I didn't feel the chemistry between the two, but then Tom thought of Kevin as his boyfriend?
Wonder when THAT happened...
Heck, even until half-way, I was still waiting for the mystery. There is none. Unless if you count Kevin's panic attack and unexplained behavior when things triggers them. For me, it wasn't remotely interesting.
I was also a bit disgusted with some things. I'm not usually nit-picky about hygiene in my romance, but come on, why the needs to describe smell of dirty socks, the pissing in the backyard, the belching, the vomit, the piss-yellow hot tub water ... URGH!
I honestly wanted to bail out when when Kevin asked "Do you like the smell of come?" to Tom. Look, Maybe it's the asexual part of me, I don't even like to think about those liquid matters exchanged during sex (one of the reasons I tend to skip sex scenes), so reading this line totally grossed me out.
Apart from that, I found the writing to be dry of emotion. I firmly believe in chemistry between myself as a reader and an author's writing style. I have only read two books before by Jamie Fessenden, and I rated both rather low. This is my third book and again it failed to entertain me. Well, I guess I need to mark Mr. Fessenden as "not-for-me" author *shrugs*
I admit I didn't read the blurb before I jumped in. I try to avoid blurbs these days directly before I read, so I can enjoy the story the way the authors are writing them. BUT, with the title of "Billy's Bones", I guess I expected a discovery of Billy's bones then follow by investigation to everyone involved.
Guess what, the name Billy didn't even appear until around 75%!
All I got before then was boring tale about a psychologist and his ex-patient. I mean, up until around 1/4th of this book I still waited for the story to start. I mean, it's all about fixing hot tub, setting up grill, and buying furniture. I mean, really? I told my friend what was this, an ad for IKEA?
Then we had Kevin lashing out, and around 1/3rd part, Tom already said "I think I'm starting to fall for you". I didn't feel the chemistry between the two, but then Tom thought of Kevin as his boyfriend?
Wonder when THAT happened...
Heck, even until half-way, I was still waiting for the mystery. There is none. Unless if you count Kevin's panic attack and unexplained behavior when things triggers them. For me, it wasn't remotely interesting.
I was also a bit disgusted with some things. I'm not usually nit-picky about hygiene in my romance, but come on, why the needs to describe smell of dirty socks, the pissing in the backyard, the belching, the vomit, the piss-yellow hot tub water ... URGH!
I honestly wanted to bail out when when Kevin asked "Do you like the smell of come?" to Tom. Look, Maybe it's the asexual part of me, I don't even like to think about those liquid matters exchanged during sex (one of the reasons I tend to skip sex scenes), so reading this line totally grossed me out.
Apart from that, I found the writing to be dry of emotion. I firmly believe in chemistry between myself as a reader and an author's writing style. I have only read two books before by Jamie Fessenden, and I rated both rather low. This is my third book and again it failed to entertain me. Well, I guess I need to mark Mr. Fessenden as "not-for-me" author *shrugs*
July 30, 2013
Billy’s Bones was the first book by Jamie Fessenden I had read. I saw the disclaimers about it maybe bringing up painful memories of childhood sexual abuse, of which I am a survivor. I made the choice to commit to reading and reviewing it anyway. I am grateful that I did. While Mr. Fessenden loosened the reigns I have tightly held on the memories of some of my more painful experiences, he made me feel even more empathy for Kevin than for myself. I channeled my pain and cried and cried. I don’t want to give Billy’s Bones any more therapeutic credit than it deserves, it is a novel, not a self-help book. I am sure some survivors could read Kevin’s horrifying story and spiral down into a deep place. For me, it was cathartic to cry for another little boy, also for the little boy left behind and the man he has, and is trying to become. I am tearing up now, just thinking about Kevin and Billy.
Although he is the title character, Billy is not one of the main characters in Billy’s Bones. They are Tom and Kevin. Tom is a therapist to whom Kevin is sent after attempting suicide when he finds out his wife is pregnant. They have one session and Kevin never contacts Tom again.
Three years later, Tom buys a new house and the hot tub needs repairs he just can’t afford. The electrician gives him the name of a friend and handyman who does this type of work on the side. The name is Kevin Derocher. At first, Tom & Kevin act like they don’t remember each other, but it soon comes up that they do. They develop a close friendship. Man to man not man to therapist. Kevin’s wife has since divorced him and is in love with someone else, but remains close friends with Kevin.
As Tom & Kevin become “friends” the sexual undertones to their relationship can’t be denied. Kevin is hyper sexualized, a symptom of many survivors of childhood sexual trauma. Tom is gay and believes that Kevin is, too, on some level. Kevin isn’t out even to himself. Any sexual touch not initiated by him sends him into a panic attack. Tom recommends that Kevin see his business partner for therapy after a particularly violent panic attack.
There was recently a discussion on another author’s blog regarding the “need” readers have for sex between their MCs. This book is a perfect example of why we don’t need our MCs to have sex. While Billy’s Bones is a romance, it is equal parts mystery, psychological thriller and bromance. The tenderness with which Fessenden treats Kevin (using the character of Tom to do so) is deeply moving. It is a human being caring about another human being in pain. Yes, Tom may benefit if Kevin gets to the source of the memories he can’t access but still reacts negatively to. But Mr. Fessenden proves that getting lucky isn’t Tom’s main motivation. He is frustrated to be in a loving relationship without the sexual aspect that would normally go with it. But he cares about Kevin the man enough to want to help him remember and heal any way he can, regardless of how it affects himself.
I realize after mulling this review over a bit that I kind of made Tom sound like he had super-human patience. This is not the case. He is portrayed as more patient than most, and incredibly supportive, but definitely human. Tom was frustrated at not being able to be sexual in any way with his partner. He got angry at Kevin for not seeking the help he so obviously needed. He was not some kind of mutant with no needs. He definitely had needs, some of which Kevin was able to meet, others which Kevin couldn’t meet at the time.
The memories uncovered and the callous way in which Kevin’s mother treats those memories and her son made me want to puke, then slap her. Maybe even puke on her. That is my own bullshit because my mom was a lot like that. I’ll cop to a very visceral reaction to that particular part of the book. I am still glad I read it though.
Mr. Fessenden treated the subject matter and the victim so tenderly, almost lovingly, that it made me feeling some bad stuff not so bad. I think it took balls to take on a subject so difficult to write about. I don’t know Mr. Fessenden’s personal history, but if he hasn’t experienced childhood sexual trauma and it’s aftermath, he is a deeply insightful and empathic human being. This book deserves well more than five stars. It IS an emotional read. It is also so satisfying. Recommended in the highest way possible.
Although he is the title character, Billy is not one of the main characters in Billy’s Bones. They are Tom and Kevin. Tom is a therapist to whom Kevin is sent after attempting suicide when he finds out his wife is pregnant. They have one session and Kevin never contacts Tom again.
Three years later, Tom buys a new house and the hot tub needs repairs he just can’t afford. The electrician gives him the name of a friend and handyman who does this type of work on the side. The name is Kevin Derocher. At first, Tom & Kevin act like they don’t remember each other, but it soon comes up that they do. They develop a close friendship. Man to man not man to therapist. Kevin’s wife has since divorced him and is in love with someone else, but remains close friends with Kevin.
As Tom & Kevin become “friends” the sexual undertones to their relationship can’t be denied. Kevin is hyper sexualized, a symptom of many survivors of childhood sexual trauma. Tom is gay and believes that Kevin is, too, on some level. Kevin isn’t out even to himself. Any sexual touch not initiated by him sends him into a panic attack. Tom recommends that Kevin see his business partner for therapy after a particularly violent panic attack.
There was recently a discussion on another author’s blog regarding the “need” readers have for sex between their MCs. This book is a perfect example of why we don’t need our MCs to have sex. While Billy’s Bones is a romance, it is equal parts mystery, psychological thriller and bromance. The tenderness with which Fessenden treats Kevin (using the character of Tom to do so) is deeply moving. It is a human being caring about another human being in pain. Yes, Tom may benefit if Kevin gets to the source of the memories he can’t access but still reacts negatively to. But Mr. Fessenden proves that getting lucky isn’t Tom’s main motivation. He is frustrated to be in a loving relationship without the sexual aspect that would normally go with it. But he cares about Kevin the man enough to want to help him remember and heal any way he can, regardless of how it affects himself.
I realize after mulling this review over a bit that I kind of made Tom sound like he had super-human patience. This is not the case. He is portrayed as more patient than most, and incredibly supportive, but definitely human. Tom was frustrated at not being able to be sexual in any way with his partner. He got angry at Kevin for not seeking the help he so obviously needed. He was not some kind of mutant with no needs. He definitely had needs, some of which Kevin was able to meet, others which Kevin couldn’t meet at the time.
The memories uncovered and the callous way in which Kevin’s mother treats those memories and her son made me want to puke, then slap her. Maybe even puke on her. That is my own bullshit because my mom was a lot like that. I’ll cop to a very visceral reaction to that particular part of the book. I am still glad I read it though.
Mr. Fessenden treated the subject matter and the victim so tenderly, almost lovingly, that it made me feeling some bad stuff not so bad. I think it took balls to take on a subject so difficult to write about. I don’t know Mr. Fessenden’s personal history, but if he hasn’t experienced childhood sexual trauma and it’s aftermath, he is a deeply insightful and empathic human being. This book deserves well more than five stars. It IS an emotional read. It is also so satisfying. Recommended in the highest way possible.
November 27, 2013
Here’s the interesting thing about this book: I found it curious that I was so intensely moved in the blink of an eye.
So, the first part of the book is fine; the character’s are super sweet and totally adorable so you’ll love ‘em like they’re your best friend. The trope is nothing new: a gentle, lonely psychologist meets a troubled tradesman and then low and behold, sparks fly and they find it impossible to stay apart. Naturally the psych professional is incredibly patient and insightful and thus helps his object of affection – blah, blah, blah. Whatevs.
But wait! There’s a difference here and you know what it is? It’s Jamie Fessendon; Jamie Fessendon and his uncanny ability to place you in the actual scene. Holy Moly, he killed me. He absolutely nailed it with a trope that we’ve all read before. His writing makes you feel like you’re right there; standing up close and personal with all the drama. You can SEE the room the scene is set in, you clearly HEAR the sound of the characters voices and the background noise; you can SENSE their fear and heartache; and you can FEEL the pain and love all at the same time. I can honestly say I was blown away.
Now, that being said, I do have some qualms. Firstly, in the beginning I felt a little put off by Kevin’s behaviour. I felt uncomfortable as he came across as childlike. Now I wonder if that was a tool for presenting him as someone with a head full of repressed memories or to highlight him as someone who would gel well with a “mother hen” type personality like Tom’s. Possibly both. Most likely both. Secondly, and most importantly I wanted more of Kevin and Tom in the end… It just ended too quickly and neatly. I guess neither of those qualms are “bad” but…
It would be remiss of me not to warn readers that this story contains very sensitive and disturbing subject matter. Stories of abuse can cause enormous stress on survivors, so I ask that anyone considering this story should read this with caution. I’m not a survivor but I still felt ripped to shreds.
In summation: Slow beginning, mind blowing middle, quick ending.
Conclusion: Read more Jamie Fessendon – he’s likely to work magic.
So, the first part of the book is fine; the character’s are super sweet and totally adorable so you’ll love ‘em like they’re your best friend. The trope is nothing new: a gentle, lonely psychologist meets a troubled tradesman and then low and behold, sparks fly and they find it impossible to stay apart. Naturally the psych professional is incredibly patient and insightful and thus helps his object of affection – blah, blah, blah. Whatevs.
But wait! There’s a difference here and you know what it is? It’s Jamie Fessendon; Jamie Fessendon and his uncanny ability to place you in the actual scene. Holy Moly, he killed me. He absolutely nailed it with a trope that we’ve all read before. His writing makes you feel like you’re right there; standing up close and personal with all the drama. You can SEE the room the scene is set in, you clearly HEAR the sound of the characters voices and the background noise; you can SENSE their fear and heartache; and you can FEEL the pain and love all at the same time. I can honestly say I was blown away.
Now, that being said, I do have some qualms. Firstly, in the beginning I felt a little put off by Kevin’s behaviour. I felt uncomfortable as he came across as childlike. Now I wonder if that was a tool for presenting him as someone with a head full of repressed memories or to highlight him as someone who would gel well with a “mother hen” type personality like Tom’s. Possibly both. Most likely both. Secondly, and most importantly I wanted more of Kevin and Tom in the end… It just ended too quickly and neatly. I guess neither of those qualms are “bad” but…
It would be remiss of me not to warn readers that this story contains very sensitive and disturbing subject matter. Stories of abuse can cause enormous stress on survivors, so I ask that anyone considering this story should read this with caution. I’m not a survivor but I still felt ripped to shreds.
In summation: Slow beginning, mind blowing middle, quick ending.
Conclusion: Read more Jamie Fessendon – he’s likely to work magic.
October 30, 2014
Very disturbing.
It all started quite romantic. Nice and slow, it was very promising.
Then it's all gone wrong..
Now I'd like to point out that I have a soft spot for abused people and tortured souls. However, in this case, I was just annoyed with Kevin. Apart from pitying him, I didn't feel any connection to him as a person, and even less chemistry between him and Tom. Theirs was a relationship I found hard to believe in. In fact, I didn't get any insight into what in particular attracted these two men to each other. Add to that any lack of steam, and you get a pretty dry romance.
On the other side, I thought the writing was quite good and the mystery with all its gory details was as interesting as it was disconcerting. I wasn't expecting that outcome at all, it caught me unaware. And only then I've realized where the title is coming from.
So if I were to judge it as a mystery or suspense, I'd rate it closer to 4 stars, but as a romance, it was about 2.5, in my opinion.
Overall, 3.3 stars.
It all started quite romantic. Nice and slow, it was very promising.
Then it's all gone wrong..
“Some people invest so much of their time and energy into fabricating a safe, comfortable world for themselves they’ll turn on anyone who threatens that illusion.”
Now I'd like to point out that I have a soft spot for abused people and tortured souls. However, in this case, I was just annoyed with Kevin. Apart from pitying him, I didn't feel any connection to him as a person, and even less chemistry between him and Tom. Theirs was a relationship I found hard to believe in. In fact, I didn't get any insight into what in particular attracted these two men to each other. Add to that any lack of steam, and you get a pretty dry romance.
On the other side, I thought the writing was quite good and the mystery with all its gory details was as interesting as it was disconcerting. I wasn't expecting that outcome at all, it caught me unaware. And only then I've realized where the title is coming from.
So if I were to judge it as a mystery or suspense, I'd rate it closer to 4 stars, but as a romance, it was about 2.5, in my opinion.
Overall, 3.3 stars.
October 23, 2013
AAAHHH - WOW!!!! This book takes you on a roller coaster ride of emotions. WARNING - there are some very disturbing parts in this book. HOWEVER, it is one of the best books I've read this year. Even though this books covers a very disturbing subject of child abuse, it ends on a positive note, which was a big relief to me. Jamie Fessenden is an excellent author - that is an understatement!!!!
July 25, 2013
4.25 stars
The story is like the blurb says (plus some additional plot that can be guessed from the blurb).
If you really want to know, .
It's a beautifully written story which shows good research by the author. I really enjoyed reading the building relationship between Tom and Kevin, and how (together with Sue, Tom's friend and fellow psychologist) they uncovered what happened in Kevin's past.
Unfortunately, the same thing that are its strengths also serve as its weaknesses.
- Kevin and Tom's relationship. I'm happy that sometimes the roles are reversed: Tom is not always the upper-hand one. However, I felt in some part Kevin is too 'smart' for his character. I'm not trying to belittle people with his social economic class, but there's nothing that shows Kevin enjoys reading or engaging in intellectual discussion with anybody. Yet, sometimes he seems to know better than Tom when it comes to psychology.
- The psychological contents and practices are too clear cut that I feel like those dramatization segments in history channel. The psychoanalysis, the hypnosis, the negative association, and so on, feel like text-book in psycho-analysis come alive.
Both main characters have some psychological issue. Heck, even the dog has issue too!
Still, what I really appreciate is while the issues are quite heavy, the book never falls to angsty-for-the-sake-for-angst category. Part of it is because Tom and Kevin's attitudes and behaviors. While they had the separation episode, at least one of them is level-headed. They never engaged in hurting each other that leaves me cringe.
I really enjoyed reading it.
The story is like the blurb says (plus some additional plot that can be guessed from the blurb).
If you really want to know, .
It's a beautifully written story which shows good research by the author. I really enjoyed reading the building relationship between Tom and Kevin, and how (together with Sue, Tom's friend and fellow psychologist) they uncovered what happened in Kevin's past.
Unfortunately, the same thing that are its strengths also serve as its weaknesses.
- Kevin and Tom's relationship. I'm happy that sometimes the roles are reversed: Tom is not always the upper-hand one. However, I felt in some part Kevin is too 'smart' for his character. I'm not trying to belittle people with his social economic class, but there's nothing that shows Kevin enjoys reading or engaging in intellectual discussion with anybody. Yet, sometimes he seems to know better than Tom when it comes to psychology.
- The psychological contents and practices are too clear cut that I feel like those dramatization segments in history channel. The psychoanalysis, the hypnosis, the negative association, and so on, feel like text-book in psycho-analysis come alive.
Both main characters have some psychological issue. Heck, even the dog has issue too!
Still, what I really appreciate is while the issues are quite heavy, the book never falls to angsty-for-the-sake-for-angst category. Part of it is because Tom and Kevin's attitudes and behaviors. While they had the separation episode, at least one of them is level-headed. They never engaged in hurting each other that leaves me cringe.
I really enjoyed reading it.
July 9, 2020
I had very high expectations of this book. I'm afraid a little too high. Don't get me wrong, this is a good book, but I was expecting something spectacular.
Even before I started reading, I liked the whole idea for this book. And under what circumstances Kevin and Tom meet for the first time. This is something new and interesting, unique. And in this aspect, this book did not disappoint me. There are a lot of unique moments in it that I rarely saw in other stories of this type.
I was really engaged in Kevin's story and his past. Gradually discovering what happened was an mind-blowing experience. This is by far the strongest element of this book. The author clearly devoted a lot of efforts to make these scenes not only very emotional and dramatic, but also as credible and probable as possible. And I definitely appreciate it.
I am not entirely convinced that this book can be called an affair. At least in the usual sense. I mean, Kevin and Tom obviously develop feelings, but it is not their love that is the most important point of the book. Much more emphasis is placed on Kevin's mental balance. And I think that's a good idea. Especially since whether Kevin finds his peace depends on the success of his relationship with Tom.
At the same time, I am trying to find the answer to the question why this book did not turn out to be as great as I expected. What did I miss in it? And I'm afraid I think just this little bit of depth in Tom and Kevin's feelings. And maybe I had some difficulty getting attached to the characters, although I generally like them.
Anyway, that's a nice story. But I'm afraid I won't remember it in a while.
Even before I started reading, I liked the whole idea for this book. And under what circumstances Kevin and Tom meet for the first time. This is something new and interesting, unique. And in this aspect, this book did not disappoint me. There are a lot of unique moments in it that I rarely saw in other stories of this type.
I was really engaged in Kevin's story and his past. Gradually discovering what happened was an mind-blowing experience. This is by far the strongest element of this book. The author clearly devoted a lot of efforts to make these scenes not only very emotional and dramatic, but also as credible and probable as possible. And I definitely appreciate it.
I am not entirely convinced that this book can be called an affair. At least in the usual sense. I mean, Kevin and Tom obviously develop feelings, but it is not their love that is the most important point of the book. Much more emphasis is placed on Kevin's mental balance. And I think that's a good idea. Especially since whether Kevin finds his peace depends on the success of his relationship with Tom.
At the same time, I am trying to find the answer to the question why this book did not turn out to be as great as I expected. What did I miss in it? And I'm afraid I think just this little bit of depth in Tom and Kevin's feelings. And maybe I had some difficulty getting attached to the characters, although I generally like them.
Anyway, that's a nice story. But I'm afraid I won't remember it in a while.
June 17, 2018
Tom Langois, a psychologist in his mid-30s, meets for one short therapy session Kevin Derocher, a man his own age who's just survived a rather gruesome suicide attempt. Against all his expectations of not seeing Kevin ever again after their fraught therapy session, the young man shows up as a repairman at Tom's house about three years after their first encounter. Many things have changed in the meantime: Kevin is divorced, clearly confused about his sexual orientation but also apparently willing to strike a friendship with Tom. Their relation, that quickly turns romantic but not sexual, will force Kevin to face his traumatic past.
I did read Billy's Bones in a couple of days because the story was intriguing and I was genuinely curious to understand what kind of horrible nightmares and memories were haunting Kevin. Having finished the book, I must say that the plot did deliver on its promise and I did enjoy Jamie Fessenden's book from this point of view. Especially the second part of the book, when things start spiralling out of control, was a compelling and intriguing read. The HEA solution at the end was somewhat abrupt but also a welcome turning point for both Kevin and Tom.
Without giving anything of the plot away, the book touches upon many heavy issues, such as repressed memories, abuse and therapeutic ways of recovering one's own memory - and thus rebuild one's own self - in what I thought was a convincing way. These aspects are intertwined with a romantic plot that was slow, often complicated but ultimately believable.
The two MCs are endearing - Tom is patient and willing to help whilst Kevin struggles to keep at bay his 'fucked-up mind' in order to be a good partner for Tom. I thought their interaction was carefully crafted and it was easy to root for them.
Kevin's terrifying past and his dark family secrets seem at times to make the better of him but it was heartwarming, although painful, to see him struggle to bounce back and try to regain some control over his life. I have some direct experience with people suffering from PTSD and panic attacks and I truly appreciated the careful and respectful way this book deals with those issues (the writer's note at the beginning is an honest and important touch).
The downside of the novel for me was mainly connected with the author's style. I thought it was a bit condescending and irritating at times and marked by a tendency of repeating certain points or stating and explaining obvious facts (for instance, do we really need to be told what a Polaroid picture is? I'm not contesting the need to be clear when referring to objects not everyone might be familiar with, I'm just saying that the clarification felt to me like a short Wikipedia entry). Also, the forays into the characters' inner voices seemed to me somewhat forced at times. In a way, I guess there wasn't enough chemistry between me and Fessenden's writing style to really click.
This lack of connection - which is truly and entirely personal - explains why I'm only giving a 3-star rating to a novel that is otherwise populated by rounded characters and is based on a solid plot.
I did read Billy's Bones in a couple of days because the story was intriguing and I was genuinely curious to understand what kind of horrible nightmares and memories were haunting Kevin. Having finished the book, I must say that the plot did deliver on its promise and I did enjoy Jamie Fessenden's book from this point of view. Especially the second part of the book, when things start spiralling out of control, was a compelling and intriguing read. The HEA solution at the end was somewhat abrupt but also a welcome turning point for both Kevin and Tom.
Without giving anything of the plot away, the book touches upon many heavy issues, such as repressed memories, abuse and therapeutic ways of recovering one's own memory - and thus rebuild one's own self - in what I thought was a convincing way. These aspects are intertwined with a romantic plot that was slow, often complicated but ultimately believable.
The two MCs are endearing - Tom is patient and willing to help whilst Kevin struggles to keep at bay his 'fucked-up mind' in order to be a good partner for Tom. I thought their interaction was carefully crafted and it was easy to root for them.
Kevin's terrifying past and his dark family secrets seem at times to make the better of him but it was heartwarming, although painful, to see him struggle to bounce back and try to regain some control over his life. I have some direct experience with people suffering from PTSD and panic attacks and I truly appreciated the careful and respectful way this book deals with those issues (the writer's note at the beginning is an honest and important touch).
The downside of the novel for me was mainly connected with the author's style. I thought it was a bit condescending and irritating at times and marked by a tendency of repeating certain points or stating and explaining obvious facts (for instance, do we really need to be told what a Polaroid picture is? I'm not contesting the need to be clear when referring to objects not everyone might be familiar with, I'm just saying that the clarification felt to me like a short Wikipedia entry). Also, the forays into the characters' inner voices seemed to me somewhat forced at times. In a way, I guess there wasn't enough chemistry between me and Fessenden's writing style to really click.
This lack of connection - which is truly and entirely personal - explains why I'm only giving a 3-star rating to a novel that is otherwise populated by rounded characters and is based on a solid plot.
August 4, 2013
This was NOT the type of book I was in the mood for last night, guess I'll learn to read reviews first.
That being said, once I started it, I could not put it down, it was that good. It's NOT something to read if sexual abuse, especially of minors, is a trigger for you. There were some VERY uncomfortable sections in this book, including
The one thing that did give me pause was a psychologist taking to long to get a hint that abuse might have been involved. I'm just an ordinary woman, and the first thing that crossed my mind (and I don't think I even read the blurb for this book, let alone any reviews) when Kevin got nauseous when kissed was abuse. Tom was a shrink, shouldn't he have recognized the signs sooner?
But all in all, in spite of it not being what I was looking for, I was totally sucked in from the beginning, read it all in one sitting, and will check out more by this author.
That being said, once I started it, I could not put it down, it was that good. It's NOT something to read if sexual abuse, especially of minors, is a trigger for you. There were some VERY uncomfortable sections in this book, including
The one thing that did give me pause was a psychologist taking to long to get a hint that abuse might have been involved. I'm just an ordinary woman, and the first thing that crossed my mind (and I don't think I even read the blurb for this book, let alone any reviews) when Kevin got nauseous when kissed was abuse. Tom was a shrink, shouldn't he have recognized the signs sooner?
But all in all, in spite of it not being what I was looking for, I was totally sucked in from the beginning, read it all in one sitting, and will check out more by this author.
August 7, 2013
Jamie Fessenden has the art of writing down pat. BILLY'S BONES was written with a beautiful economy of words. Not one word wasted. No flowery language muddying up the scenes. Just a straightforward telling of a wonderful, sad story with simple and heartbreaking clarity.
Mr. Fessenden also has the good sense to write about subjects of which he has a firm grasp. In MURDEROUS REQUIEM (which I also loved) his knowledge of music was astonishing. In the case of BILLY'S BONES, the subject is the psychology of child abuse and repressed memories. He is what I call a smart writer. He writes smart books.
Beautiful smart books.
With BILLY'S BONES, he has firmly cemented his name on my list of all-time favorite Dreamspinner Press writers. As always, I can't wait to see what he comes up with next.
Mr. Fessenden also has the good sense to write about subjects of which he has a firm grasp. In MURDEROUS REQUIEM (which I also loved) his knowledge of music was astonishing. In the case of BILLY'S BONES, the subject is the psychology of child abuse and repressed memories. He is what I call a smart writer. He writes smart books.
Beautiful smart books.
With BILLY'S BONES, he has firmly cemented his name on my list of all-time favorite Dreamspinner Press writers. As always, I can't wait to see what he comes up with next.
August 19, 2013
4.5 stars rounded up
Yes, this book is very gritty. The topic really is grim. But don't let that scare you away from reading this story!
I really enjoyed (and appreciated) the pacing of this book. The story unfolds slowly and really I felt like reading this book was sort like peeling an onion: the layers slowly reveal a complex center.
If you find that the topic is too heavy for you, my advice is to read this book slowly. Personally it took me twice the time to finish this book than other "lighter" stories. But I just needed to take some breaks.
Finally, having lived in NH I loved the setting. Made me a bit nostalgic even.
Yes, this book is very gritty. The topic really is grim. But don't let that scare you away from reading this story!
I really enjoyed (and appreciated) the pacing of this book. The story unfolds slowly and really I felt like reading this book was sort like peeling an onion: the layers slowly reveal a complex center.
If you find that the topic is too heavy for you, my advice is to read this book slowly. Personally it took me twice the time to finish this book than other "lighter" stories. But I just needed to take some breaks.
Finally, having lived in NH I loved the setting. Made me a bit nostalgic even.
September 20, 2016
Well this was unexpected - the story of Kevin who went through life in a daze, carrying repressed memories of abuse and torture, and Tom the psych counsellor who became a friend and then integral part of Kevin's life. This story was a journey through memories, one that Tom helped Kevin slowly piece together. Triggers caused great pain for Kevin and for Tom on occasion but with the help of Sue they were able to slowly piece the trauma together. This was not a steamy romance, quite the opposite, but it was a slow build of trust and understanding.
February 1, 2018
Un anno. Questo è il tempo che ho impiegato per decidermi a prendere in mano “I resti di Billy”. Un anno a tergiversare, prendere e lasciare, poi riprendere e infine, accantonare. Perché se sei nell’ambiente, sai già di cosa parla questo libro ancora prima di iniziare a leggerlo. Ed è dura affrontarlo. Dura perché quella copertina, quegli occhi color cioccolato, quell’immagine… Basta solo quella a farti venire i brividi.
Malgrado la paura, però, alla fine ci sono riuscita. L’ho letto. E sono felice di averlo fatto, nonostante mi abbia devastata. Nonostante stia ancora cercando di riordinare le idee, trovare il giusto modo per parlarvi di questa storia senza spaventarvi o scoraggiarvi.
“I resti di Billy” e una storia cruda, straziante, dolorosa. Ma è anche una storia d’amore, di perdono, di devozione. È una storia di guarigione. Ma questo non la rende meno forte, anzi. Fa male, ma il dolore a volte è il catalizzatore che ci spinge verso un sentimento più alto, più nobile, quasi magico. E “I resti di Billy” fa proprio questo. Ci porta giù, in fondo al pozzo, dove ci mostra la cattiveria dell’animo umano, la debolezza, la malattia, il disgusto. Dove ci sbatte in faccia la follia dell’uomo e la sua insanità mentale. Poi, quando tutto ci sembra inutile e rischiamo che l’ansia e l’angoscia ci stiano per soffocare… Ci tende una mano. Per farci tornare su, in superficie, dove ad attenderci c’è l’amore, il perdono, la vita.
Ma certo, non saremo più gli stessi.
È difficile parlare di questo libro senza svelarne la trama. Io per prima non ho voluto sentire niente prima di iniziarlo. E così, cercherò di raccontarvelo senza rivelarvi nulla. Vi parlerò di Tom, il protagonista. Tom è un terapista, uno psicologo, ed è incredibilmente bravo nel suo lavoro. Lavoro che ama e che svolge con passione e dedizione. Così, quando incontra per la prima volta Kevin, uomo non ancora trentenne reduce da un tentativo di suicidio, non può far altro che cercare di aiutarlo. Ma Kevin è una persona eclettica, chiusa in se stessa, è forse non vuole essere aiutato. Fatto sta che sparisce dopo la prima seduta di terapia. Tom non si aspettava certo nulla di più, ma ne è comunque rattristato. C’è qualcosa in quel ragazzo, che lo attira… Come una falena sulla luce di una lampadina.
Poi, tre anni dopo, è il destino a mettere il naso bella vita di Tom. Trasferitosi in una nuova casa in periferia, Tom e Kevin si incontrarono di nuovo per caso. Ed è questo il giro di boa. Il momento in cui Tom capisce che non può lasciare andare quel ragazzo. Che c’è qualcosa di più profondo dietro all’atteggiamento rilassato e divertente, al chiacchiericcio, alla compagnia. C’è qualcosa… Qualcosa che sfugge, che sembra vivere dentro Kevin e che, piano piano, lo sta logorando dall’interno.
CONTINUA SU LOVE IS ALL AROUND https://loveisallaround01gmail.wordpr...
Malgrado la paura, però, alla fine ci sono riuscita. L’ho letto. E sono felice di averlo fatto, nonostante mi abbia devastata. Nonostante stia ancora cercando di riordinare le idee, trovare il giusto modo per parlarvi di questa storia senza spaventarvi o scoraggiarvi.
“I resti di Billy” e una storia cruda, straziante, dolorosa. Ma è anche una storia d’amore, di perdono, di devozione. È una storia di guarigione. Ma questo non la rende meno forte, anzi. Fa male, ma il dolore a volte è il catalizzatore che ci spinge verso un sentimento più alto, più nobile, quasi magico. E “I resti di Billy” fa proprio questo. Ci porta giù, in fondo al pozzo, dove ci mostra la cattiveria dell’animo umano, la debolezza, la malattia, il disgusto. Dove ci sbatte in faccia la follia dell’uomo e la sua insanità mentale. Poi, quando tutto ci sembra inutile e rischiamo che l’ansia e l’angoscia ci stiano per soffocare… Ci tende una mano. Per farci tornare su, in superficie, dove ad attenderci c’è l’amore, il perdono, la vita.
Ma certo, non saremo più gli stessi.
È difficile parlare di questo libro senza svelarne la trama. Io per prima non ho voluto sentire niente prima di iniziarlo. E così, cercherò di raccontarvelo senza rivelarvi nulla. Vi parlerò di Tom, il protagonista. Tom è un terapista, uno psicologo, ed è incredibilmente bravo nel suo lavoro. Lavoro che ama e che svolge con passione e dedizione. Così, quando incontra per la prima volta Kevin, uomo non ancora trentenne reduce da un tentativo di suicidio, non può far altro che cercare di aiutarlo. Ma Kevin è una persona eclettica, chiusa in se stessa, è forse non vuole essere aiutato. Fatto sta che sparisce dopo la prima seduta di terapia. Tom non si aspettava certo nulla di più, ma ne è comunque rattristato. C’è qualcosa in quel ragazzo, che lo attira… Come una falena sulla luce di una lampadina.
Poi, tre anni dopo, è il destino a mettere il naso bella vita di Tom. Trasferitosi in una nuova casa in periferia, Tom e Kevin si incontrarono di nuovo per caso. Ed è questo il giro di boa. Il momento in cui Tom capisce che non può lasciare andare quel ragazzo. Che c’è qualcosa di più profondo dietro all’atteggiamento rilassato e divertente, al chiacchiericcio, alla compagnia. C’è qualcosa… Qualcosa che sfugge, che sembra vivere dentro Kevin e che, piano piano, lo sta logorando dall’interno.
CONTINUA SU LOVE IS ALL AROUND https://loveisallaround01gmail.wordpr...
April 10, 2021
Repressed memories are the mind's attempt to protect itself from something that is too horrible to remember. Sometimes, if they aren't causing problems, they are best left alone. But other times, if not dealt with, can completely ruin a person's life, making them a slave to uncontrolled emotions and actions, giving them little hope of maintaining a normal existence. In 'Billy's Bones' by Jamie Fessenden, Kevin Derocher has secrets so awful, so deeply hidden that even he can't remember them. If he doesn't discover what they are, he has little hope of ever being free from their bondage.
Tom's presence is soothing from the start, but then he is a counselor and trained to help. That works for and against him in his relationship with Kevin. He recognizes the symptoms of abuse early on and is more understanding that most people would be. Tom is patient with Kevin, for the most part, and although deplorable at times, accepts his idiosyncrasies like wanting to take off his clothes off all the time or having violent anxiety attacks. Tom recognizes that the totally disorganized, filthy environment Kevin lives in is a reflection of his current mental state. Tom loves Kevin and wants to help, but it's hard for him to refrain from analyzing his behavior and acting like a mother hen; this irks Kevin to no end. Their relationship is odd, intense, loving, and sometimes dangerous, but fate has brought them together and they feel compelled to see it through. Even though Tom knows that it's Kevin who has to do the work, it's difficult for him to stand by and see his errant behavior and feel the pain he's obviously in. As he and Kevin get closer, Tom becomes impatient and can't resist meddling; Kevin has had it, blows up, and leaves. Tom, who is usually in a position of superiority, falls completely apart. He misses Kevin with a longing that is more intense than anything he's ever felt before. It's an extremely stressful and humbling time for Tom and he's at a loss as to what to do except to beg Kevin to come back to him.
Kevin is a grown man with a small, frightened child inside. He doesn't understand why he does what he does because he's repressed the memories of his abuse. When he runs into the triggers which remind him of these memories, it sets off his anxiety, fear, anger, etc., but he has no more clue than anyone else why. Kevin hardly remembers being a child at all, but has what seems to be an unreasonable hate for the house he grew up in and for his parents. It's one step forward and two back for Kevin for a while. Despite all of this, he loves Tom and tries, as much as he's able, to show him how he feels, but Kevin is a walking contradiction. Even though Tom can't touch him, Kevin runs around naked all the time and wants to sleep in Tom's bed with him. Kevin isn't being insensitive when he acts like a lover one minute, then a friend the next, dismaying Tom to distraction. He honestly doesn't know there's a difference. When the tables are turned, and Tom calls him in a drunken stupor declaring his love and desperate need for Kevin for him and their dog, Shadow, Kevin relents and goes back to them with a single rose in hand. This thoughtfulness touches Tom's heart almost to bursting. Oddly enough, Kevin picks up just where they left off as if he'd never been gone.
The effort it must have taken to create a tale of this depth is mind-boggling, not to mention the amount of research needed, but Jamie accomplished it with aplomb. What could have been a dark, depressing book, because of its disturbing subject matter, isn't that at all, because Tom and Kevin's romance, even though rocky at times, has many sweet and romantic moments which makes their relationship the focal point on the story, lightening the tone considerably. Their love, so troubled, yet so intense, burns through the negativity and pain and puts emphasis on that which is beautiful and positive. This story is going to stay with me for a long time.
I recommend it to anyone who may appreciate a well-written murder mystery which also tackles the troublesome subjects of child abuse and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's one that will keep you guessing until the end. Thank you, Jamie, for this thought provoking drama.
NOTE: This book was provided by Dreamspinner Press for the purpose of a review on Rainbow Book Reviews.
Tom's presence is soothing from the start, but then he is a counselor and trained to help. That works for and against him in his relationship with Kevin. He recognizes the symptoms of abuse early on and is more understanding that most people would be. Tom is patient with Kevin, for the most part, and although deplorable at times, accepts his idiosyncrasies like wanting to take off his clothes off all the time or having violent anxiety attacks. Tom recognizes that the totally disorganized, filthy environment Kevin lives in is a reflection of his current mental state. Tom loves Kevin and wants to help, but it's hard for him to refrain from analyzing his behavior and acting like a mother hen; this irks Kevin to no end. Their relationship is odd, intense, loving, and sometimes dangerous, but fate has brought them together and they feel compelled to see it through. Even though Tom knows that it's Kevin who has to do the work, it's difficult for him to stand by and see his errant behavior and feel the pain he's obviously in. As he and Kevin get closer, Tom becomes impatient and can't resist meddling; Kevin has had it, blows up, and leaves. Tom, who is usually in a position of superiority, falls completely apart. He misses Kevin with a longing that is more intense than anything he's ever felt before. It's an extremely stressful and humbling time for Tom and he's at a loss as to what to do except to beg Kevin to come back to him.
Kevin is a grown man with a small, frightened child inside. He doesn't understand why he does what he does because he's repressed the memories of his abuse. When he runs into the triggers which remind him of these memories, it sets off his anxiety, fear, anger, etc., but he has no more clue than anyone else why. Kevin hardly remembers being a child at all, but has what seems to be an unreasonable hate for the house he grew up in and for his parents. It's one step forward and two back for Kevin for a while. Despite all of this, he loves Tom and tries, as much as he's able, to show him how he feels, but Kevin is a walking contradiction. Even though Tom can't touch him, Kevin runs around naked all the time and wants to sleep in Tom's bed with him. Kevin isn't being insensitive when he acts like a lover one minute, then a friend the next, dismaying Tom to distraction. He honestly doesn't know there's a difference. When the tables are turned, and Tom calls him in a drunken stupor declaring his love and desperate need for Kevin for him and their dog, Shadow, Kevin relents and goes back to them with a single rose in hand. This thoughtfulness touches Tom's heart almost to bursting. Oddly enough, Kevin picks up just where they left off as if he'd never been gone.
The effort it must have taken to create a tale of this depth is mind-boggling, not to mention the amount of research needed, but Jamie accomplished it with aplomb. What could have been a dark, depressing book, because of its disturbing subject matter, isn't that at all, because Tom and Kevin's romance, even though rocky at times, has many sweet and romantic moments which makes their relationship the focal point on the story, lightening the tone considerably. Their love, so troubled, yet so intense, burns through the negativity and pain and puts emphasis on that which is beautiful and positive. This story is going to stay with me for a long time.
I recommend it to anyone who may appreciate a well-written murder mystery which also tackles the troublesome subjects of child abuse and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's one that will keep you guessing until the end. Thank you, Jamie, for this thought provoking drama.
NOTE: This book was provided by Dreamspinner Press for the purpose of a review on Rainbow Book Reviews.
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