Text, Don't Call: An Illustrated Guide to the Introverted Life

by Aaron Caycedo-Kimura

As seen in Real Simple's 2017 Gift GuideAn illustrated guide to the challenges and pleasures of the introverted lifeIntroversion is "in." But there are still many misconceptions about introverts in the world. They're shy. Anti-social. They don't want to have close relationships. They're all cat people. They don't like big parties (okay, that last one might be true).INFJoe, the cartoon persona of artist and introvert Aaron Caycedo-Kimura, is here to set the record straight. Filled with charming comic book style illustrations, this book provides invaluable insights into the introverted life with plenty of humor and wit. Full of moments that will make introverts say, "That's so me!" as well as helpful tips on surviving at parties and in the workplace, Text, Don't Call is the perfect gift for your quiet friends, or the extroverted ones who could use some help to better understand the introverts in their lives.

Genres: Nonfiction, Graphic Novels, Humor, Comics, Psychology, Adult, Self Help

144 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 15, 2017

About the author

Aaron Caycedo-Kimura is a writer, painter, and cartoonist. He is the author of Ubasute, which won the 2020 Slapering Hol Press Chapbook Competition, and the author of the full-length collection Common Grace, forthcoming from Beacon Press in Fall 2022. His poetry has appeared in Beloit Poetry Journal, Poet Lore, DMQ Review, Tule Review, Louisiana Literature, The Night Heron Barks, and elsewhere. Aaron earned his MFA in creative writing from Boston University and is a recipient of a Robert Pinsky Global Fellowship in Poetry. He is also the author and illustrator of Text, Don’t Call: An Illustrated Guide to the Introverted Life (TarcherPerigee, 2017).

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Reviews

[len ❀ [ia bc of school] · Rating 3 out of 5]

Navigating this extroverted world as an introvert can be tough and confusing. We’re often misunderstood and left feeling unappreciated and exhausted. Sometimes we don’t even understand ourselves and wish we were different.

I'm a firm believer in saying that introversion is often misconceptualized.

I've been an introvert my whole life.

My friends will ask me if I want to hang out, and deep down inside, I want to say "No" simply, because, I really don't want to. But what do I say instead? "Sure!" Why? Because then I feel guilty, and I think that's a huge struggle not only in the introversion world but for others who are shy and anti-social.

None of that necessarily means I hate people, and I think that's a big stereotype of introverts that society has.

Look, I have at least 10 friends. Some find that a small number, while others will find it big. But really, I only have a small group of 4 close friends that are my siblings from other misters. That does not mean I am not open to talking to anyone out there and forming conversation.

When we understand, accept, and appreciate our introversion, we become more at peace with ourselves. We learn how to tap into our strengths and protect our vulnerabilities. We spend time doing the things we love to do in the way we love to do them, without guilt or embarrassment.

In my first semester of college, I had a math workshop I had to attend along with my regular math class. Everyone was new, and almost everyone was shy. I remember sitting down, and another student sat next to me because we were all sitting down according to the order we were in. It was as if we were in high school, except we weren't forced to do it that way. More or so, it was a habit. I remember that I actually talked to her first, and it was frightening, but I did it. I ended up finding out she's also an introvert, an art major who prefers to stay home and draw instead of being huddled in large groups of crowds. We became close, and although we don't see each other anymore, we're still close.

But then we also have moments where we really cannot be where we are at.

Introverts aren't people haters, you know. Just because I don't want to attend a party doesn't mean I hate people. Just because I don't want to hang out with you today, tomorrow, or the week after does not mean I hate you. Just because I don't want to go inside a restaurant and eat in front of other people does not mean I hate the restaurant or the people working there.

Maybe it's just me as an introvert, but I don't hate people, I don't hate large crowds, I don't hate having to talk in class, I don't hate having to work with others. They are just things I don't prefer. But can I avoid it? Not really, no. Participation in class is a chunk of my grade, so having to force ourselves to participate and come out of our shell is enough suffering as it is. But that doesn't mean I hate every other student in my class.

There’s no use in trying to turn us into something we’re not. It would be like expecting an orange tree to produce apples just because you prefer apples. I spent many years trying to be extroverted, and all that got me was frustration, exhaustion, and an inauthentic self that I presented to the world.

I'm actually a concert junkie. The last concert I went to was in December of last year, and it was with two of my college friends, where I actually met another one of my friends. It was a nice time to spend together before Covid hit in the U.S. and we all had to quarantine. And you know what, I had a really good fucking time. I spent it with some people I love. I enjoyed my time there. Was I being judged for screaming lyrics back to the band? No. Everyone else was doing the same. There were more introverts and extroverts there. We were all bonding. And yes, I get scared before and after the concert, such as the unwinding and having to see many people, but, in the end, we were all there for the same reason.

What else do I love? I love going into book stores, and even if they're pretty full (such as how Barnes and Noble is, majority of the time, pretty packed, full of people in all sides of the store, talking, reading, and walking), I love it. I don't get scared. I feel like I'm at a new home. I love seeing people flipping pages and spending too much money on books I hope they don't regret buying.

I do like to talk to people, even at work. Sure, I can't physically and mentally make myself go up to someone and talk to them, but if someone talks to me, I'll do my best to keep the conversation going. I don't like working independently all the time, but I also don't like to work alone all the time. I do prefer getting together with 4 people or so instead of a large crowd. I do prefer having in-depth conversations with people. I do tend to overshare things as if it's everyone's business.

Some would say I'm an ambivert, but you'd have to meet me to realize that even though I say all this, I am, really, an introvert.

And that is why I do think anti-social and introversion are different, but I felt like the author made it seem like they were pretty close together, especially when describing some things and events we don't like. I feel like he made it seem as if we really just don't go out. At all.

Yes, we don't like large crowds and loud noises, necessarily, but that doesn't mean we won't go to parties, or concerts, or plays, or, really, go outside. I love my friends. I love hanging out with them. But sometimes, after seeing people for 7 hours straight, I do need a moment. That doesn't mean I actually can't go out and be social. As a matter of fact, when I go to the movie theater or large locations, like a party, I can't stand being alone. Just because introversion is wanting to be a little isolated doesn't mean we all want to be isolated. I'm a people pleaser, but I also need the closest person to me near me simply, because, I am scared.

The introverted mind is a pretty inspiring place to be. A lot goes on in there that people don’t know about. It’s a private place, a retreat, a laboratory, a library, a maze for us to get lost in.

With that being said, Text, Don't Call: An Illustrated Guide to the Introverted Life, for the most part, felt like I was reading a memoir of my poor social skills.

I hate debates. I hate being the center of an audience. I hate having to start the conversation. I hate having small talk, but then, I also can't properly start a conversation. I'm much more good at ending the conversation. People have talked to me and have walked away from me because they can't seem to be able to actually talk to me. The conversation will go from "Hello" to "How are you?" to "That's good" and that will be it. I remember all the awkwardness and laughter in high school and college. Truly horrifying. I'd rather not go grocery shopping and asking for help if I need it. I love listening to people vent out to me.

I'm an INFP-T. According to my results, my mind is 100% introverted, my energy is 51% intuitive, my nature is 76% feeling, my tactics are 65% prospecting, and my identity is 88% turbulent.

So really, there isn't one way to be an introvert, and there isn't one way to be an extrovert. You can be an outgoing introvert, and you can be a quiet extrovert. I don't think the stereotypes of both have to necessarily fit you. Just because you're an extrovert doesn't mean you don't need your time alone too, you know? Everyone needs time to recharge. Just because you're an extrovert doesn't mean you can't get tired of people talking to you, or of working, or of being outside.

Sometimes I ignore my friends for a while, not because I'm tired of them, but because I'm just tired. You know, even if I prefer texting over calling, texting also takes effort, and I have to think about what I'm going to say sometimes. Sometimes I have to write a draft of what I want to say in my notes app. I don't know if that's the introvert in me, or the socially anxious in me, but it's one, the other, or both, and sometimes I don't like it, but that's just who I am.

We introverts need to understand, accept, and appreciate ourselves and how we are naturally wired. We’re not weird or alien, just designed in a particular way.

[Meg - A Bookish Affair · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Text, Don't Call" is a collection of great comics and an explainer of sorts for all of my fellow introverts. My introverted-ness mostly comes out in how I recharge. When I interact with others, I've had a lot of people seem very surprised that I'm introverted. I'm social but if I don't get alone time (like really, really, really all alone time with no other humans - animals are okay!), I don't function well. This book talks about introverts like me as well as many other types, including the more traditional super quiet, super introspective kind of introvert.

So many of the comics made me laugh because they are so spot on. I especially liked the ones about recharging (there's one with a battery that hit the nail on the head for me). I had to show this one to my husband who recharges very differently than me and is always mystified by my need for alone time - hah!

I could see this book being a great gift pick for other introverts!

[Hannah Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic. As an introvert, I highly recommend this book--for both introverts and extroverts. Full review to come.

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I was first offered the chance to read and review Text, Don't Call: An Illustrated Guide to the Introverted Life, I was intrigued. As someone who's always hovered between being an introvert and an extrovert, I find it interesting to read more about the "introverted life," especially when I can fully relate to what is being said. After reading an excerpt from Text, Don't Call, I could say 100% I could not only relate to what INFJoe was saying but I also wanted to see what else INFJoe had in store for us!

Text, Don't Call is a mix of text and illustrations. I truly enjoyed the addition of the illustrations. Not only did they spice up the text, but they also really managed to make me laugh out loud and think "yeah, been there, done that." The book is separated into nine sections. The sections tackle topics such, as "Know Thyself," "#IntrovertProblems," "Surviving Large Groups," and "Navigating the Workplace." I thought INFJoe did a fantastic job of setting up the scene (I guess you would say) for this book. First, he really digs deep into how he's an introvert, what being an introvert means, and tacking life as an introvert. While some of the details and information shared I already knew, I did learn some new things about the introverted life. Additionally, as I've said before, I really managed to relate with what was said, as I'm sure many other introverts and half-intorverts will be able to as well. The two sections I found the most relatable was "Surviving Large Groups" and "Getting Through the Holidays and Other Celebrations." I don't know about you all, but surviving large groups and being around a large amount of family around the holidays can be so incredibly exhausting for me. There's always so much small talk as well as finding a good midpoint between saying too much and saying too little. I'm always more than ready to disappear and read a book after a large celebration such as those, so it was interesting to see INFJoe to tackle that in this.

In all, Text, Don't Call: An Illustrated Guide to the Introverted Life is an eye opening book perfect for readers who are introverts and need that reminder that it's okay others are right there with you. It probably goes without saying as well that this book is perfect for fans who are already familiar with INFJoe.

Grade: B+

[Ghazaal B. · Rating 3 out of 5]

So. After feasting on some cheesy pulps, having gained enough energy to run slowly back into more serious books, and also as an introvert (and also, after having discovered that me and my partner have the same MBTI Abbrs.), I thought reading this book will be a good idea but I guess I was wrong.
SO I'm reviewing this as an sorta insulted introvert.
First of all, we are introverts. not helpless babies who desperately seek for acceptance, support or even feel the slightest need for explaining ourselves. most of us, especially the ones who know who we are and have made our peace with it, are pretty good at clearing our grounds and choosing our kind of people. people who need absolutely no explanations or manuals or walkthroughs on treating us right and having our back.
Second of all, this book was too maximalist for my taste. I'd rather go with Debby Tung' minimalism and would rather have the unexplainable unexplained than to have it ruined with meaningless and deficient words.

If you're an introvert, this book is not for you. Though if you're insecure with you introversion, it might be relief to see there are people "similar" to you. Not the same as you, just somehow mentally similar.
This book is merely for extroverted people, to explain that their weird friends aren't actually weird (in a bad sense. I find "Weirdness" more of a compliment.) and this is what's going on in their heads.

But anyway. Please, text and don't call. Your txt msgs might still be left uanswered but your calls most probably will.

ps: I guess I have issues with books prescribing behaviours and "how to"s for polar traits. So you might as well not take this that serious.

[Shanley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wish I could go back in time and give this to my 13 year old self.

[ᗩᑎᗪᖇᗴᗯ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Validating for introverts and possibly educational for others

I've enjoyed INFJoe's cartoons when they pop up on social media so I decided to check out his book.

Lots of comics here I haven't seen before (they may be original to the book or I might have missed them) all relatable and amusing. The text does a good job summarising introversion and I believe it will work as a validation exercise for any introvert, or as a way of explaining our perception and challenges to others.

[Charles T Thoennes · Rating 2 out of 5]

As an introvert, I was actually a bit offended by this book. It kept telling me that I essentially should be a recluse and to not ever attempt social interactions. The author had extreme tunnel vision towards seclusion and crowd avoidance. It would have been much better had the author highlighted the positive aspects of being an introvert and how to use such attributes to our advantage.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

A most excellent book indeed. I love how it shares things about introverts that so many people get wrong. Like how introverts like to socialize ... in small groups or for small periods of time. We can even seem extroverted! But there is nothing like a good triathlon - book, bath, nap. ;)

[Kristen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a clever book! I related to at least 95% of the writings. Perfect for any introvert or as a gift to an extrovert so they can understand us more. Loved it!

[Francesca · Rating 5 out of 5]

The last time I marked a book as Read was in June. I finished this book at the end of November. If anything, INFJoe gets all the points for helping me get out of a massive reading slump. (And providing my introverted soul with the comfort it needed at the right time.)

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

My personality type is ISTJ (Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Judging). I have always known I am introverted but ok with it. Thus, the reason I tend to only have a small group of very close friends. Also, being an introvert is another reason that I have always found solace in books. They have taken me to many places and allowed me to meet tons of characters. Due to the other traits I possess; thus another reason why I could relate to conversations being awkward as I do tend to thinking and process data in my head before I react or speak.

This book really does help explain an introvert. Many like us can relate to lots of things in this book. Also, it gives those "extroverts" an inside look into an "introvert". Which when they say opposites attract, it is not really the case with these two types. Well maybe not so easy. I have some friends that are extroverts but it took me a while to warm up to them and their big personalities. I do open up more and can find myself being a bit of an extrovert around them but when we get together out in public, I tend to revert back into myself. There was an illusion that I could really relate to that had my husband agreeing. It was the "Introvert Illusion". It goes like this: Sometimes we want to be left alone. Sometimes we want to be included. Most of the time we want to be included with the option to be left alone. Anyone who is an introvert will enjoy this book.

[ℨαrα · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a highly entertaining, relatable and very quick read. I would highly recommend picking this up if you’re an introvert, or even if you’re an extrovert who is sometimes perplexed by the odd traits of introverts.

And the title actually resonates with my very soul.

[Brittany · Rating 4 out of 5]

My favorite was the Introvert’s Triathlon: book, bath, and nap. Yes! The story of my life every Saturday.

[Monique · Rating 4 out of 5]

"When we understand, accept, and appreciate our introversion, we become more at peace with ourselves. We learn how to tap into our strengths and protect our vulnerabilities. We spend time doing the things we love to do in the way we love to do them, without guilt or embarrassment. We can revel in what we do best: ponder the deeper things of life, cultivate ideas, enjoy our solitude, and, at other times, enjoy being alone together with someone close to us. It’s great to be an introvert, and going with the flow of our natural preference makes all the difference in the world."

I really enjoyed this little thing! It's good to think about the pressures you put on yourself, or the pressures the surrounding culture puts on you to be an extrovert, and how to handle and balance it. Realistically. If you have to be around people or you just want to, do it! But plan the time to recharge because there are consequences of an introvert doesn't

"Get that alone time to recharge, and enjoy it. I can’t stress that enough. Set your boundaries. It’s for the good of everyone in your immediate life. It allows you to give yourself and those around you your very best."
Pause and reset, we all need it! Some a little more than others...

[bookaholic_kim · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was an OK read for me and the situations are indeed relatable. I think I have read too many introvert books that is why this book has nothing different compared to others but still a nice read.

I wonder if extroverts read books about introverts. I hope they do so they would at least understand us.

[Aditi Gupta · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a treat to my eyes and soul, this book really was.


A must read for all the beautiful introverts out there!

[Kimberly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book validated so much of what I often struggle with. Why do I want to be included in things, but then I find I don't really want to participate, but still kind of want to? Why am I often the co-worker that others approach and want to chat with, but all I can think about is all the work I need to get done, and I still want to chat with you, but maybe later? Ugh, being an introvert is exhausting. And this book explains it all, both for the introvert and their extrovert friends. Entertaining and insightful. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go buy a bunch of copies for my friends...

[Stella · Rating 4 out of 5]

Simple, clear explanations of what an introvert is -- with cartoons! Perfect for a little introvert self-care, or to give to someone who doesn't get it and won't read a deeper book like Quiet by Susan Cain.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick read. If you haven't yet figured out if you are an introvert reading this book will quickly answer that question.

[Cherlynn | cherreading · Rating 4 out of 5]

As an INFP, I found this deeply relatable. The introverted life is not so black and white or straightforward like what some might assume, but a lot of grey and conflicting feelings and things going on in our heads.

[Diana Anderson-Tyler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot recommend this charming book highly enough, nor can I express just how encouraging it was to read a book that had me saying, “I’m not the only one? Thank goodness!” on nearly every page.
Text, Don’t Call made me feel proud of and grateful for what I’ve often viewed as an illness, something I needed to resist and fight rather than accept and enjoy.
It made me realize that there is so much about introversion that is beautiful and lovely and needed in this noisy world.
It reminded me that I’m part of a huge community of people (introverts compose a third to one-half of the population) who are just as content staying home in their pajamas on a Friday night as I am.
It freed me from feeling guilty about setting aside alone time to recharge and refresh before and after big social events.
It encouraged me to by myself around extroverts and to surround myself with people who love and accept me as I am.

If you, like me, ever feel down about the way you’re wired, then I urge you to get this book

[Jeimy · Rating 2 out of 5]

As for the review, the book was good inasmuch as it is relatable, but not great—it’s no Sarah’s Scribbles.

[Danya · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't typically review non-fiction books, so this is a bit of a change for me! However, I am unapologetically an introvert, so when I was offered the chance to review this book by the publisher, of course I said yes.

The online personality of INFJoe and his cartoons were totally new to me. I think the artwork itself is simple but gets the point across very effectively -- a minimalist sort of approach to cartooning. The humour isn't laugh-out-loud funny, but it's often enjoyable in an "oh man, I can sure relate to that" kind of way. There were a couple aspects of the cartoons that I found questionable, though. One is that the introverts are always portrayed wearing glasses; I realize that this is so it is always clear which individual is intended to be the introvert, but it does perpetuate a bit of a stereotype about introverts being bookish, nerdy people. (Sure, plenty of introverts are, but I'm sure it's a generalization!). The other element was a metaphor of introverts being like computers/appliances -- needing to "recharge," or be "dimmed," which I feel paints a picture of introverts as emotionless robots. I know it's a metaphor that's intended to communicate an aspect of an introverted personality, but I feel like it plays on stereotypes that already exist about introverts rather than representing them in a more accurate way.

The cartoons in this book are really the star of the show; the text that accompanies them provides basic information about handling being introverted in an extrovert-appreciative world, but it wasn't anything I hadn't read before. Other books about introversion, such as Quiet, go into far more detail. That said, I thought the cartoons did a good job at capturing moments of introverted life — particularly snippets of internal monologue — that felt familiar to me (and likely to many introverts). It was nice to feel like someone else "got" it.

Disclaimer: I received this book for review from the publisher.

[Haniva Zahra · Rating 3 out of 5]

Saya menemukan buku ini tentunya di halaman BookDepository (semoga 6 buku Lang Leav dan Michael Faudet segera sampai setelah dikirim sejak 31 Januari lalu). Saya kira buku ini cukup menarik, karena walaupun saya mengidentifikasi diri saja sebagai seorang ENFJ, saya pikir saya punya porsi introvert yang semakin membesar dari waktu ke waktu. Yap, dari judul buku ini saja saya sudah merasakan ini saya! Saya jarang sekali mengangkat telp, kecuali dari orang-orang terdekat. Saya jauh lebih memilih komunikasi dengan tulisan. Saya senang di rumah dan tidur. Saya juga merasa energi saya habis setelah saya memimpin sesi konseling. Yap, setiap orang pasti memiliki porsi introvert dan ekstrovert. Meski begitu, saya tahu, saya tetap butuh keluar rumah setelah 3 hari hanya bekerja di dalam rumah.

Baiklah, mengenai buku ini? Pertama, buku ini tidak sebatas buku ilustrasi. Ada juga penjelasan-penjelasan yang membuat saya lebih memahami seorang INFJ. Buku ini tentu menarik untuk dibaca oleh orang-orang yang mengidentifikasi diri mereka sebagai seorang INFJ. Well, tidak butuh waktu lama untuk menghabiskan buku ini. Buku yang cukup menyenangkan.

[rafael · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 rounded up. Not gonna lie, I wasn't expecting to like this book as much as I did. I identify with like 95% of what the author's talking about, so I guess I just feel a bit more validated and understood, and that's always a good thing. Wuw haha. Starting the year on a fragile note.

So yeah, despite the problematic origins of the MBTI (related to miscegenation, eugenics, and borderline overt white supremacy), I suppose there is at least *some* value to it if it helps you understand yourself more. For my part, every single time I took the test, I was classified an INFJ. This book was a more than serviceable articulation of what I feel and think about on a daily basis.

[☆ Katie ☆ · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a collection of comics and blurbs that talk about the experience of being introverted in an extroverted world. The points that are made are very straightforward, lacking nuance and humor in the tone. The illustrations mostly show examples of dialogue between introverts and extroverts, but they don't contain much wit or personality. Introverts are depicted as almost a different species, one with specific rules and ways of living, rather than people who approach life in a particular way.

The book does give helpful advice for navigating difficult situations, such as large groups and work environments. It's a quick and easy read for people who enjoy learning about introversion.

[Muneib Chater · Rating 3 out of 5]

Relatable in some areas, humorous in others. I would challenge, though, the premise of its thesis. I don’t think it’s healthy to accept being introverted as a natural trait. I think introversion (and extroversion) transpires based on environmental factors.

No one, in my opinion, should exclusively be one side— both traits are needed for success and peace in life. Instead of telling its readers to just accept their reality, I think it’s better to explain introversion isn’t bad, only when it prevents you from pursuing growth in life. If it does, here are x methods/strategies to help you push past your comfort zone and flourish.

[Tricia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked up a couple of graphic novels for Brian and I couldn’t resist this one. The perfect thing to entertain myself in between entertaining Evie on the train ride.
This book made me wonder if introversion strengthens because I relate more than I used to.
I’m glad #introvertproblems is a thing because it will spread the idea that introverts aren’t stuck up or shy, we’re just in our heads and like to be alone. This also affirmed making alone time a priority and I hope Brian will read this.

[Erin · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was pretty a pretty standard "Here are what introverts do and if you are one, make sure to set some boundaries" kind of book, but it did have cute illustrations. Most of the anecdotes and observations about introverts were mostly common sense to even the most extroverted people, but it was still nice to have solidarity with a fellow INFJ.