We Can't Be Friends: A True Story

by Cyndy Etler

The companion to The Dead Inside, "[An] unnerving and heartrending memoir" (Publishers Weekly)

This is the story of my return to high school. This is the true story of how I didn't die.

High school sucks for a lot of people. High school extra sucks when you believe, deep in your soul, that every kid in the school is out to get you. I wasn't popular before I got locked up in Straight Inc., the notorious "tough love" program for troubled teens. So it's not like I was walking around thinking everyone liked me.

But when you're psychologically beaten for sixteen months, you start to absorb the lessons. The lessons in Straight were: You are evil. Your peers are evil. Everything is evil except Straight, Inc.

Before long, you're a true believer.

And when you're finally released, sent back into the world, you crave safety. Crave being back in the warehouse. And if you can't be there, you'd rather be dead.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Mental Health, Biography, Autobiography, Drugs, Addiction

304 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2017

Reviews

[Mischenko · Rating 4 out of 5]

We Can't Be Friends is Cyndy Etler's second book which focuses on her life after spending 16 months at Straight, Inc., a program for troubled teens. This book picks up right after she's released from Straight, but Cyndy does reflect back and wrote about her experiences at Straight in the beginning of the book for those who haven't read the first The Dead Inside. You can jump right into this one, but I would still highly recommend you read The Dead Inside first.

Cyndy struggles to adapt to the real world again after her time at Straight. It appears that everyone just automatically assumes she's healed and nobody seems to understand how difficult this is for her. She still has difficulties with her mother, who obviously has some serious psychological issues. In the book she shares experiences she has at home, with her teachers and counselors, events at school with her peers, and relationships with boys. She struggles with real life and wonders if she'd be better off back at Straight so she can feel safe again. Cyndy has an insane amount of scarring at a young age. It's to the point to where it's difficult for her to decipher from what's right and wrong, and from truth. I can't imagine how hard this must've been for her. The book was a little difficult to read at times and I felt much sympathy for her. It's like nobody is on her side and she can't catch a break. She needs to be loved and can't even get some simple support! It's good to know that she turned out to be an awesome human being who now helps counsel teens in need.

I'll admit that I wasn't as invested in this second book as I was with the first, perhaps because I learned about Straight in The Dead Inside and was so shocked by how she was treated. How had I never heard about Straight, Inc. before then? I looked forward to reading this book to find out what life was like for Cyndy after Straight and that's exactly what I got. This book was written a little differently and shares Cyndy's experiences in chronological format after Straight. I think it was a little harder to read as a lot of thoughts are shared in between, but overall, it was good and I'm glad I read it.

4****

-I received this book from NetGalley for an honest review.

-To see my original interview with Cyndy Etler, please visit https://readrantrockandroll.com/2017/...

[Salha]

I don't think it's correct to rate someone's memoir, so I'm going to refrain from doing that, but I will write a review.

Cyndy Etler's We Can't Be Friends: A True Story is a raw memoir of the author about her coming to high school after being locked up at Straight Inc. for sixteen months, enduring psychological abuse, spitting from other youths, and not being able to have contact with anything from the outside.

I'm no one to judge, but I'm very disgusted about Cyndy's mom's behavior. How could she just let all that stuff happen!? And why on earth did she thought that Cyndy deserved it, but cried when her toddler daughter told her she was going through the same abuse? No one deserves it.

It killed me to see how all the people Cyndy felt that were supportive to her, ended up ditching her: her sponsor, her best friends, the boys she thought were in love with her... And it was also terrifying to read how she began thinking that everything she liked was an addiction. How bad was the psychological abuse at Straight Inc. that she thought eating and listening to music were addictions? She was just a teenager at the time!

Ugh.

I'm just extremely glad that, after all of these awful things, Cyndy managed to recover. She's now living a happy life, with her husband and their dogs. And she's also helping teens who are going through rough moments. I'd like to thank her for doing that.

[Tiana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Horrifically truthful, this book tells the true story of Cyndy Etler after her experience in a Rehab Center called Straight Inc.. After Cyndy’s release her life remains turbulent and the amount of times Cyndy mentioned she wished to return to the horror that was Straight left me sick inside.

The effect this book had on me was mostly psychological. I kept wanting to reach out to this girl that kept rushing into bad situation after bad situation and to just be there for her. To be one of the few people in her life that didn’t have some sort of ulterior motive. Gosh there are a couple of people I wanted to strangle for treating Cyndy the way they did. But I especially wanted to reach out when she called herself a druggie or when she felt like she wanted to go back to the hellhole that was Straight. That’s when I got really frustrated. Maybe even more then that though was when it felt like she had to do certain things to fit in or to be liked and that that hurt a lot to see.

My favorite parts of this book were the little lights of hope that came when she talked about those people who lead her into writing. Those parts made it so I couldn’t help but smile. It made me feel that now finally she is at the place where she is meant to be.

This book is inspiring because it is one where you know that despite her many struggle Cyndy made it out of Straight and eventually does start to heal and then goes on to write her story. This is hard book to read, but it is an important one and I am happy to have read it. What Cyndy went through was only one story out of the many Straightlings that entered through Straights halls and that’s the scary part, it was all real and it affected more kids then it ever should have.

[Barbara Senteney · Rating 5 out of 5]

We Can’t Be Friends

Straight Inc, is pissing me off. To tell someone they are a drug addict with no hope because they smoked 2 joints and drank a beer, to belittle a child on a daily basis, and encourage children to spit in each other's faces so they will confess to being a druggie, it not just brainwashing. It’s replacing the bullies on the playground with bullies a hundred fold. I feel sorry for you Cyndy, you have been brainwashed.
This story touched my soul, I ached for this poor girl just trying to survive in a cold dark world of home, when home should be the one place she was safe and felt love.
People and be so blind and uncaring, and this is my impression of Cyndy’s mother. When a two year old tells you bad things about their father and you believe them , why wouldn’t you know that the older child has been hurt too?
If I had to go to a program like straight and everyone spat on me I would probably be institutionalized all my life, because I know I would strike out and hurt someone.
Cyndy survived and prospered tho all the cards in the deck were stacked against her. She was told she was bad, and worth little, nd for many years she believed all that was said about her.
So called friends lied to her, boys used her and turned on her, making up horrid stories about drug use.
I am so proud of her triumph over all the obstacles in her way. Cyndy if you ever need a real friend, send me a message.
I do not care for most contemporary books, this is an exception to that general rule.

[Meg - A Bookish Affair · Rating 3 out of 5]

"We Can't Be Friends" is the story of Cyndy, who ends up in Straight Inc. as a young teenager. Straight Inc. is billed as being a way to rehab kids so that they never do drugs or drink again but the program has a dark side. The program relies on some pretty harsh tactics and the reader is left questioning what cost Cyndy's sobriety (if you can really call what she was doing before an issue) came at.

I felt so much for Cyndy throughout this book. Because of some of the sort of brainwashing she goes through in Straight, she seems to have a lot of issues functioning in the real world once she's there again. She is constantly worried about the people around her and whether or not they are going to lead her back into addiction. This prevents her from making a lot of the connections that are so important to getting through the teenage years.

I had never heard about Straight before this book and it was terrifying. I think we can all agree that rehab is necessary and a good thing to have access to but Straight often seemed to hurt more than help. It was really eye opening to see what Cyndy went through.

I did wish that the book would have talked more about some of the specific tactics that Straight used to better understand some of what happens later on in the book. The Straight part goes by very quickly and the book mostly has to do with happened after. Overall, this was an interesting picture into a world that was unfamiliar to me!

[Barbara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Drawing on her own experiences after graduating from a tough love rehab program, author Cyndy Etler describes what life was like for her as she tried to fit back into the high school social whirl. Because she had been programmed to believe that she was an addict, she had to avoid alcohol and drugs, essential ingredients at most teen parties these days. At certain moments, it's clear that she would have preferred to return to rehab with its clear rules and expectations, and readers' hearts will break for her as she navigates friendships and possible romantic relationships with little clue as to how to behave, often making mistakes and getting her heart crushed. Desperate to cling to her sobriety and longing for social contact, she attends multiple self-help meetings and dances that are drug- and alcohol-free, but meets as many jerks there as she does in her high school. Etler's own mother is something of a mystery as well, determined to save her daughter by practicing tough love and even bolting the door if she is a moment late past curfew, and yet, decidedly unsympathetic and unaware of her daughter's fears. Many teens will be drawn to his honest, heart-wrenching story and perhaps learn from Cyndy's own mistakes. As she takes that sip of beer at the end of the book, I felt a bit jolted as I wondered whether the Twelve Steps program and her rehab had been helpful or even needed at all.

[Jessica White · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not gonna lie, I wasn't thrilled when I started reading this.
Now, that may just be because this is the companion book to The Dead Inside, which I actually have not read yet.

So Cyndy Etler just spent 16 months in Straight Inc., a tough love rehab center. (I don't know much about the center because it's mostly addressed in the first book)
From what I gathered, Straight is a no bullshit center that mentally destroys the patients. They tear them down, calling them druggie. Including Cyndy who smoked pot once and had a sip of alcohol. They referred to her as a "dry druggie" meaning that she is addicted before she even had a choice. Which honestly I find ridiculous, but that's on the treatment center, not the author.

We Can't Be Friends picks up as Cyndy is getting out of Straight. She's still attending AA meetings, but how does a 15 year old make it through a meeting where she has no peers... She finds a young people addiction group which she begins attending and that starts her slippery slope with boys. These boys only want one thing, sex. Which she learns rather quickly that "no" meant virtually nothing to some of them, but it's okay because she felt loved for a few minutes.

This book also deals with a lot of popularity issues. The cover itself even begs the questions "How far will you go to fit in?" I feel like that's something every teenager goes through, which is why it was so relatable. No one wants to be the odd one out, everyone has to have someone and honestly I feel like that was one of the biggest overall topics for the book. You can't let others love you before you love yourself.

All in all, I think this was a testament to finding yourself, discovering who you want to be and how you want to get there.

Huge thank you to Sourcebooks Fire and NetGalley for providing me with a copy!
Check out my post "Meet Cyndy Etler" on A Reader's Diary for an exclusive interview!

Mark your calendars, We Can't Be Friends hits shelves October 3rd!

This review and more can be found at A Reader's Diary!

[Kenya | Reviews May Vary]

I like this story, so far. I mean. As much as you can like the story of a teenager who suffered through emotional abuse for behaviors that are developmentally appropriate. But I think I'd like it better as an audio-book, which maybe isn't a thing yet?

Note to self: I'm about half way through

[Dani St-Onge · Rating 4 out of 5]

http://literary-lion.tumblr.com/

Disclaimer: A free copy of this book was received through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Cyndy Etler got out of Straight Inc. a cult-like program masquerading a rehab. Cyndy thinks she is cured, but her troubles aren’t over. She enters her old school friendless and alone, and her new Straight ideologies aren’t helping her to fit in.

Etler tells a powerful story - hers. She tells it in a way where I often forgot I was reading real events. Her writing is rich, interesting and poignant. Etler always knew she was a writer and she is perhaps one of the best I have ever read. While it is just as easy to enjoy this book as it is to enjoy any contemporary fiction, it’s important to remember that this was real.

The Dead Inside ended where most stories like this end, getting out and away from the terrible abusive place. We Can’t Be Friends shows us that it isn’t over. Too many fiction stories end with a neat bow, the abuse is over so everything is okay. Etler’s voice is so important because things don’t just go away because they aren’t happening anymore. Etler writes about how she struggled to fit in, how she couldn’t imagine life outside of Straight, how she tried to find the love she never got everywhere, and sometimes those places ended up being the wrong places.

I said in my review of Etler’s previous novel “I do feel that the story was cut a little short.” and We Can’t Be Friends was what I wanted. This offers a far more satisfying end. You can see how Straightling Cyndy Etler becomes the brilliant author she is in the present. The transition period is made far more clear, even if much of the story was painful to read.

I ached for a young girl who felt she had no one to help her and in truth had very few resources. It’s heartbreaking to see parents who won’t help and friends or boys who turn cruel. Etler’s story is powerful and sad. It sheds a light on very real issues, some of which are still horrifyingly real.

Cyndy Etler has been through Hell. This is a story about how she made the first steps to recovery. She is brave, candid, fascinating and most importantly Cyndy Etler is a writer. You will get lost in her life as she tells you her story. It is rare that an author can tell their own story so vividly that it reads like a well-thought out piece of fiction but Etler provides one of the best-written memoirs I have yet to read.

Don’t stop after reading The Dead Inside because that is not the end of Cyndy’s story. It’s barely the beginning. Students, professional counsellors and ESPECIALLY parents of troubled teens need to read these two books. This in invaluable insight into the mind of a teenager struggling to survive and it shouldn’t be wasted.

[Mandy Peterson · Rating 4 out of 5]

What do you do after you've been in a brainwashing program and you're released into the world again as a fifteen year old? "We Can't Be Friends" by Cyndy Etler addresses her experiences after "The Dead Inside" as she reintegrates with the general populace with Straight, Inc. still in her head.
I really appreciated that we heard more of this story. Of course, at the end of "The Dead Inside", you're left thinking, "Thank goodness she got out! It must have been all stars and rainbows." This book clears up that misconception. Swinging from one end of the pendulum to another as she vies for acceptance and love, I wept for this girl as I read. This book is heart wrenchingly beautiful and ultimately leaves you with a feeling of hope while simultaneously telling a dark, relatable story.
I highly recommend it for anyone who read "The Dead Inside". If you haven't read the first book, you may find Cyndy's second story far-fetched and perhaps even not relatable. This is definitely best experienced as a duo.

[Michelle Kidwell · Rating 4 out of 5]

We Can't Be Friends

A True Story



by Cyndy Etler

SOURCEBOOKS Fire

Sourcebooks Fire



Biographies & Memoirs , Teens & YA

Pub Date 03 Oct 2017

I am voluntarily reviewing a copy of We Can't Be Friends through Sourcebooks Fire and Netgalley:

We Can't Be Friends is the follow up to Cyndy Etler's Memoir The Dead Inside.

We Can't Be Friends is the story of Cyndy Etler's adjustment from her time in Straight Inc, to home.

She talks about struggling with getting back into High-School life and the lack of support she gets from her family when she is first taken out of Straight Inc. She is surprised she doesn't get in trouble constantly at school because Straight Inc had been a place of constant punishment. In Straight the kids rarely got to see daylight.

But Cyndy struggled with issues with her weight to the point that she becomes thin enough that her period stops.

Cyndy Ehler talks about the temptations she faced and the struggles but also the triumphs.

I give this book four out of five stars.

Happy Reading!

[Bella · Rating 5 out of 5]

A brave book. I received a free copy of this book, and did not know what to expect. It is a brutal and horrific memoir, and there are no doubt many trigger warnings attached to it. I have read through some of the reviews, and many talk about the horrific cult-like 'rehab' program. The takeaway for me was victim-blaming. This happens to Cyndy throughout - by her mother, her 'friends', her mentors, strangers. She is labelled (incorrectly), forced into rehab because her mother (who seems mentally ill) can't deal with her attempted suicide, brainwashed, and then shamed and blamed for every single thing that happens to her, including being raped repeatedly when she was a child.

This is not a story simply about survival or designed to shock. It is a critical examination of our society, and what we STILL perceive as normal and acceptable. What happened to Cyndy was in NO WAY her fault. Victim-blaming needs to end.

[Laura · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this a difficult read as it was written from a teenage mindset, and even writing as an adult the writing was very young. I had expected a fascinating read which would allow me a great insight into the mind of a troubled teenage and the trials and tribulations of her life. Sadly the writing let the memoir down. It;s difficult to really review a book which is based on someone's actual life, as it feels harsh to form judgement. However nothing about this really gripped me, and I think it would be better suited to teenage / young adult readers.

[Amory · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked this book up not knowing anything really about the content or author. I do think it's incredibly important to raise awareness about the abusive 'teen help' facilities like Straight Inc, and I'm impressed that the author has decided to be so open about her life and her experiences there. However, something about the voice throughout the book just wasn't a style I liked and some bits felt a little repetitive. Again, the story itself is important, but the style just wasn't for me.

[Brooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book from Netgalley. I honestly feel like this book took a lot of bravery to write. Cyndy is so amazing for sharing her story with us readers. I can't even imagine how tough it was for her to go through everything she did. She was so honest about everything, her 'addiction', her rapes, etc. This book was so interesting to me, I wanted to keep reading to make sure teen Cyndy turned out okay. I'm so glad to know that she's fine and that she's writing these great books for us to read. So proud of you

[Bre · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was given this Arc by Netgalkey in exchange for an honest review. I went into this not really knowing what to expect. At first, the main character reminded me of those bad cult tv shows, but I keep reading and realized that everything she went through was crazy and she is so strong to get through it. She was dealt a bad hand and she did everything possible to make the best of life and she had to learn so much. Even if you haven't gone through what she did (hopefully you havent) her feelings about navegating life are relatable.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

And... she does it again!

This book is just as good, if not better, than the author's first memoir, Dead Inside, which I highly recommend. This is the continuation of that first book, and continues the tales of her life. Both of these are true to life memoirs of the author's life, before and after being placed in a drug-treatment facility/program. This book more closely follows her life following her release from the program and her adjustment to "real life" after Straight. It's a grippingly honest and horrifyingly grabbing true story of how she survived her teen years, survived further abuse inside and out of her home, and made it through high school. God bless her soul... I'd have utterly died! This is a must-read. All kids and adults really should read this book, and families should read this together to truly understand what life can be like in the real world. This book can testify to what it CAN be Like!
I was gifted this book and have voluntarily and happily reviewed it. Opinions expressed above are mine and not influenced by the gifting of the book or any other outside situations or concerns.

[Molly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not sure why anyone put this book in the category of Romance Novels.
The person Cyndy really falls in love with is herself.

An absolutely horrid Recovery story that painfully depicts many of the sad realities of the Tough Love centers so popular in the 90s.

I was honored to receive an advance read copy of this book.

The mother who is so shocked when baby sister discloses abuse is an unfortunately well depicted idiot mom.
After big sis having brief acting out, and running away from contact, the assault is unfortunately no surprise.
No mention of official response besides mom being upset is also deplorably not that unusual. Especially in an suburban setting.

Congrats to the author for sharing that survival is possible and resources available for victims of child and teenage sexual assault.

Jeers to anyone who didn't take assault or abuse accusations seriously.

Cheers to those who found ways to help the survivors, and to the survivors for taking the chance on making it another day.

[Vnunez-Ms_luv2read · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although this was a good book, for me it was a hard book to read. Not due to the writing, but just all that this young lady had to go through. All of the people that should have helped her, turned their back on her. The damage that was done to Cindy in my opinion was appalling. But, she perservered. She is living a life SHE wants to lead. This is a good book for all. Many topics are touched, bullying, self-esteem, etc. Thanks to NetGalley, the publisher and last but not least the author for allowing us into her world with the ARC of this book in return for my honest review.

[Care Kelley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot stress enough how important this book, and its prequel are. I couldn't put either of them down and came out of them wiser and kinder. A must read for anyone in the education field, or anyone, really.

[Ms. · Rating 5 out of 5]

“We Can’t Be Friends” continues the saga of Cyndy Etler during her high school years, chronicling her experiences of being sent to a troubled teen facility (Straight Inc.) and then returning home to Connecticut. This challenging and precarious transition from a total institution back to the “real world” exposes the vast gap between the theory and practice of exiling “delinquent” or “deviant” youth for months or years, and expecting a seamless and successful reentry into high school or emerging adult life, whether in the workforce or college, as these programs generally claim.

Cyndy, in an engaging and accessible young adult writing style, humanizes this process through her first-person narrative, revealing both the humor and cringe of how difficult this journey truly is. She highlights the disconnect between the supposed theories of success—being sober, straight edge, or otherwise brainwashed into becoming a productive worker—without addressing the underlying trauma, cultural concerns, past abuses, dysfunctional families, and a myriad of other unaddressed social problems that continue to fester. Being sent away fractured her support system of peers, leaving her with fewer supports and a diminished sense of community upon her return home. Once back, nothing was the same, and if anything more lonely, confusing and challenging to navigate.

In her search for belonging, Cyndy attends AA meetings and finds sober friends, yet discovers that even in sobriety, relationships can turn toxic. This complexity challenges the binary thinking taught in abusive rehab programs or other TTI programs, which label sobriety as good and everything else as bad. Cyndy exposes the difficulties she faces in seeking love, trust, and safety from family, friends, and her community, emphasizing that healing is not as simple as serving time in abusive institutions and being proclaimed “healed” afterward. The program she attended did not support or teach teens to accept, love, and understand themselves and society; instead, it shamed, blamed, and punished them into complicity. “We Can’t Be Friends” reveals the extensive deficits of this approach as Cyndy shares her journey toward finding authentic belonging and community, rather than mindless conformity, abuse as love or denial. Thankfully, due to her grit, determination, and courage, she encounters a few good professionals in the health and education fields—a psychiatrist and an English teacher—who finally assist her by providing pathways to healing through evidence-based mental health practices and writing.

I found this book incredibly inspiring to read as a fellow TTI survivor who has also struggled post-graduation in similar ways. I, too, found solace and support from an English teacher in my therapeutic boarding school and continue to be inspired by Cyndy’s writings and her strength in sharing her story with the world. For all these reasons, I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in, involved with, or adjacent to the troubled teen industry—this likely includes most people these days! It’s fantastic for those aspiring to write and share their stories, and it’s useful for anyone wanting to understand more about the plight of troubled youth—what works, what doesn’t, and the massive gap between theory and practice.

[Maddy · Rating 5 out of 5]

We can’t be friends by Cyndy Etler

How would you feel as a teenager if your parents thought you were doing illegal and inappropriate activities? In the book We can’t be friends the parent has psychological issues that she projects on her teenager. It’s impossible to imagine what this mother would do to her teenager. The book transports you into a world filled with lows as well as extreme excitement experienced by this teenager. This book describes the day to day life of a brainwashed teenager.

One thing I enjoyed about this book was learning about this teenage girl’s life. In the book she smoked marijuana once and she drank alcohol one time which led her mother to believe that her daughter was a drug addict and alcoholic. Her mother then had her committed to a drug and alcohol treatment center which kept her isolated from the rest of the world for 16 months. The 16 months of treatment led to this girl believing that she truly was an alcoholic and drug addict as well as having an eating disorder. She immersed herself into the treatment program and became totally dependent on what the program told her to do.

Another thing that I enjoyed about this book was the description of her life after she got out of treatment. After returning home she doesn’t know how to interact with other people so she seeks out other people who identify themselves as being addicted to alcohol, drugs and food. She comes in contact with people like herself through Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA) and Overeaters Anonymous (OA). She attends these meetings as often as she can because she believes if she doesn't she will fall back into her illegal and inappropriate activities. During this time her mother has become more interested in her own activities rather than her daughters well being and this provides more freedom for her daughter which intern makes her more afraid of relapse.

The book We can’t be friends made me realize that life isn’t always fair and you have to believe in yourself even if your parent(s) don’t believe in your abilities. This book also makes me feel lucky to have parents who support me, care about me and aren't trying to micromanage my activities and my behavior. Ultimately, this book kept me interested from page 1 to the end by involving me in the characters life. I could relate to this teenage girl because I to am a teenage girl. I would recommend We can’t be friends to teenagers who experience both good and bad life situations.

[Zach Koenig · Rating 4 out of 5]

While reading "We Can't Be Friends", I felt like I was missing a key piece of information for most of the experience. While author Cyndy Etler describes her experience of re-integrating back into "normal life" (high school years) after time spent emotionally abused at the Straight Inc. drug rehabilitation center, she only gives about 10-15 pages of background on that subject. I was a bit mystified as to why those events would be discussed so much over the course of the book and yet receive so little shrift in the actual text.

As such, my experience reading "We Can't Be Friends" was probably closer to 3-stars. I appreciated Etler's open and honest thoughts about her struggles (even though the relate-ability was difficult for me as a 31-year old male), and it was eye-opening to see the intense physical and mental struggles she went through as a result of what could really only be described as Straight Inc.'s mental brainwashing and reprogramming.

Why the 4-star rating then? After reading, and doing a little bit of digging around into Etler's authorship, I discovered that she has already written a book more centered on the Straight Inc. experience (entitled "The Dead Inside"). My guess is that is the "missing piece" I was looking for that would have given me a better base to understand Etler's emotional battle. Once I realized that "We Can't Be Friends", then, was building off of "Dead Inside", I could bump it up to four stars and forgive the lack of Straight Inc. information.

So, I would highly recommend reading "Dead Inside" before "We Can't Be Friends" in order to get that all-important context. "Friends" is Etler's emotional journey re-integrating back into society (high school, family, friends, etc.) after her rehab experience, and thus the more readers understand what exactly she went through the more they can emphasize with her.

I'm not necessarily saying that "Friends" can't stand alone, but to do so the reader must fully buy into everything that Etler says about Straight Inc. sight unseen. If you can do that, it'll be a great read. If not, check out "Dead Inside" first.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading a book like this is always simultaneously welcome and difficult for me as someone who was once a "Troubled Teen" and attended long-term programs in my adolescence. I deeply appreciate Etler's vulnerability in telling her story and how clear it is that she wants those who can relate to it to find community in her writing. The afterword Etler included, giving advice to teens about healthy and empowered sex and overcoming difficult pasts, was powerful. It could not be more evident that she wants her story to help others feel less alone and that is so generous.

These quotes listed below all caused me to sit back and, uncharacteristically, consider crying. Crying because I felt seen through the pages of a book in a way I have not before. Though Etler and I have different stories and different pasts, there is community in these pages.

"It's me, Madonna, and the Merritt Parkway, windows down and pedal to the metal. Holy fuck, am I glad I didn't suicide."

"Now that I'm out, I live like a Saudi prince. I drive a frigging car! I listen to music. I read actual books...I can open a door and step outside. Whenever I want. With no one even watching me. That's a frigging miracle. So what the fuck am I saying, I have nothing to do? I have everything to do. I have anything. I have a window to climb out, a shingled ledge to sit on, and a zillion, trillion stars over my head."

"Maybe you feel totally alone. But you're not. You've got you. And if you're like me, once it hits you that you actually like yourself better than you like anybody else? Well, shit. Suddenly the whole world's lining up to love you. Swear to God."

[Patrycja · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars
The novel is based on true personal events that the survivor Cyndy Eler went through in her young life.

The book includes trigger topics and elements like bullying, sexual abuse, drug use, alcohol, drug addiction, suicide, eating disorder, vulgarism, pedophilia.
It is not an easy read, and I think it shouldn't be aimed at YA.
There is so much brutality and injustice in this story. The worse part is that places described in this novel existed for years. Also, I can't even comprehend how a person who asks for help can be simply turned away? How can parents be so awful to their children?
How the system fails those in need?
"I'm a sad kid who made too much noise when life hurt. Who runs away to try to make it stop."

It is hard to imagine being in an institution like Cyndy. And it's so heartbreaking to think how those places broke a person. How much abuse, physical and mental, they endured. Those places should never exist. And people who run them should be accountable for their unthinkable actions.
It is a dark story. So again, it may not be for everyone.
I have not read The Dead Inside by the author, but I heard it's even more shocking and brutal.
I am happy that Cyndy was able to turn her life around. She became a brave woman and teen life coach.

[Carly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I believe We Can’t Be Friends is a very inspiring book for young people like me. It tells a very great story that emphasizes the importance of courage in someone’s life. Cyndy Etler was sent to Straight Inc, a rehab facility, for an addiction her parents believed she had. At the facility, she was psychologically abused, and when she got out, she believed everything she liked was an addiction. I enjoyed how Cyndy went into great depth to describe her experience at Straight because it allowed me to truly understand what she went through. When she was back in high school, she felt very insecure because she was taught to believe that she was different from everyone in a bad way. Cyndy had to gain the courage to realize that everyone has their own issues going on too, but that’s what makes everyone similar. Overall, the book was very entertaining and I think everyone teenager should read this. However, some things I didn’t enjoy about the book was how it was very fast. I felt like there were moments where Cyndy could’ve elaborated more on an experience, but it was still a great book that tells an even more incredible story.

[Zaina Davies · Rating 4 out of 5]

The young-adult, non-fiction autobiography, “We Can’t Be Friends'' follows 15-year-old Cyndy Etler’s return to high school after being released from the controversial drug rehabilitation program, active from the late 1970s to the early 1990s, Straight Incorporated. I enjoyed the captivating storytelling that gets you immersed in the book. For example, the way the author compares the situations she’s into how her life was at the rehab was interesting to read. Another aspect I liked was how the story touched on other things besides drugs, like Cyndy’s love life and school life. One of the most memorable lines from this book for me has to be at the very beginning, where she states, “High school extra sucks when you believe, deep in your soul, that every kid in school is out to get you.” This quote identifies the feelings of teenagers worldwide. Overall, I rate this book 4 out of 5 stars because of its engaging and heart-wrenching story.

[Janet Graham · Rating 5 out of 5]

Moving Story of Dealing With Abuse As A Teenager
This is a powerful story that is not an easy read. This is the true story of an abused teenager coming to grips with life. This story should make you re-live some of the more painful parts of your high school years. I hadn’t read the author’s first book about her years in a tough re-hab program. However, this book did well as a stand-alone read. I don’t think I will read that first book, as this one was tough enough. Surprisingly, I read several books like this when I was a teen and would like to encourage teens to read both books. All things are not as they seem, but the author ties them up nicely at the end. I was very glad to see that she has come out of the other side in pretty good shape. I received a free copy of this book (ARC) and voluntarily chose to share my honest review.

[Sharon · Rating 3 out of 5]

We Can't Be Friends is the follow up to the author's memoir about her time in the Straight, Inc. program. Home and back in high school, Cyndy has to constantly be on her guard, trying to keep true to the lessons she learned at Straight. The problem is, the cult-like atmosphere of the aforementioned program has indoctrinated Cyndy to the point that she would rather return or die.

Cyndy was a teen in trouble, but not in the ways that Straight and her mother thought. The only thing that the program did was to confuse the young woman to the point that she no longer knew how to make good decisions for herself. Although Cyndy's story is compelling, the emotions and torment never really come through in the writing. I applaud Cyndy Etler for having the courage to lay herself bare and to let readers into her world.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Didn't find out until after I read this that this memoir is actually a sequel, which in retrospect, I wish I had known/ read the other book first. The story is about the life of a teenager who had been neglected and abused as a child and then sent to a boot camp live in "rehab" facility for troubled teens, and how she dealt with the that trauma and tried to fit back into the regular world and make it pretty much on her own until she was old enough for college. The writing in the book, particularly for a memoir that was shelved as YA, was better than I expected, but the story, while I loved the details about the 1980s, tended to drag and become repetitive in places. Mixed feelings about the book as a whole, which took quite a while to get through and I never fully connected with. 3 stars.