Dead Men Scare Me Stupid

Frank Burly #4

by John Swartzwelder

One of a series of comedy science fiction novels featuring slow-witted detective Frank Burly. By John Swartzwelder, the writer of 59 episodes of The Simpsons.

Genres: Humor, Fiction, Comedy, Science Fiction, Novels, Mystery

146 pages, Paperback

First published April 3, 2008

About the author

John Joseph Swartzwelder Jr. is an American comedy writer and novelist, best known for his work on the animated television series The Simpsons. Born in Seattle, Washington, Swartzwelder began his career working in advertising. He was later hired to work on comedy series Saturday Night Live in the mid-1980s as a writer. He later contributed to fellow writer George Meyer's short-lived Army Man magazine, which led him to join the original writing team of The Simpsons, beginning in 1989.
He worked on The Simpsons as a writer and producer until 2003, and later contributed to The Simpsons Movie. He wrote the largest number of Simpsons episodes (59 full episodes, with contributions to several others) by a large margin. After his retirement from the show, he began a career as a writer of self-published absurdist novels. He has written more than a dozen novels, the most recent of which, The Spy with No Pants, was published in December 2020.
Swartzwelder is revered among comedy fans and his colleagues. He is known for his reclusiveness, and gave his first-ever interview in 2021, in The New Yorker. Per Mike Sacks, "Swartzwelder’s specialty on The Simpsons was conjuring dark characters from a strange, old America: banjo-playing hobos, cigarette-smoking ventriloquist dummies, nineteenth-century baseball players, rat-tailed carnival children, and pantsless, singing old-timers."

Reviews

[Kevin · Rating 4 out of 5]

These books feel like a comedic stream of consciousness. Or comedy vomitted onto a page. Or like a funny brain leaked onto a page undiluted. Or something less violent. They are packed with humor. Devoid of logic. And just a blast to read.

[Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you're a fan of The Simpsons, you're already a John Swartzwelder fan. Not only has he written more episodes than any other writer, but his episodes are many fan favorites, such as Whacking Day (1993), Homer the Great (Stonecutters, 1995), Homer the Smithers (1996), and Homie the Clown (Clown School, 1995), along with 55 other incredible episodes.

Dead Men Scare Me Stupid is an adventure of Frank Burly, the world's most dimwitted, yet likeable, detective. In this adventure two of his former clients, who are not-so-coincidentally deceased, come to haunt and torment him from beyond the grave. The most devious of their actions is framing Frank for many unexplained crimes. The story takes off from there and doesn't stop. Even Amelia Earhart's body makes an appearance. Yep, that's right.

As one would expect from Swartzwelder's talent, the book is full of one-liners that will crack you up and stay with you long after you're finished the book. The jokes are so dense, one needs to watch to not read too quickly and pass over some humorous absurdity. This also makes the book great for a reread.

I'd recommend Dead Men Scare Me Stupid to any fan of The Simpsons, satire, or witty humor. Swartzwelder's a genius; this book won't disappoint.

[Taylor Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

These Swartzwelder books are all solid gold. Laughs on every page, just love em

[Henry Rowe · Rating 4 out of 5]

100-something pages of a Homer Simpson bit. Absolute nonsense, loved it.

[Circa Girl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay, so this is the weakest of the Frank Burly detective series that I've read so far. Some of the gags kind of drag and the overall conflict isn't developed as well as the previous books. In fact it sort of felt like Swartzwelder just made up random opportunities for jokes and tried to see what stuck. Farcical humor and crazy, offbeat happenings are expected to some extent in the series obviously, but previous books seemed to have more of an outline that worked for developing punchlines and satire themes.

But that aside, even a weaker book by the comedic genius John Swartzwelder is a damn funny book. I got a good handful of laughter out-bursts that made it more than worth my time. I do hope the next book is a bit more engaging and consistently funny, but I have nothing but love for the series as a whole either way.

[CA · Rating 4 out of 5]

Note: I’d likely give this 3.5 stars if possible. This is the 4th Frank Burly book I’ve read this year, and I feel like that might be my upper limit; I might space the remaining ones out more to better get the full impact of the jokes and absurdist humor. Still, I managed to be engaged and found myself chuckling often.

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very very funny! Such a practical, logical writer too...

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love everything about all of the Frank Burly novels. SO GOOD.

[Paul Cloutier · Rating 4 out of 5]

equally silly as all the rest of these books, though this one is a little tighter writing than some of the earlier ones.

[Peter Derk · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another home run for Swartzwelder.
I put this one a little lower, but you have to understand, it's a 4 on the Swartzwelder Scale, not the general scale. The Swartzwelder Scale is its own level of greatness.
Plus, it's got ghosts, so this is officially the beginning of spooky reading season! That's right, fuckheads, Halloween season begins in late August now. I'm surprised you didn't know that. I'm pretty sure I made everyone aware in my newsletter, and if not there, through my wardrobe.
The biggest problem is that nobody has invented the warm weather sweater yet. I need a garment that looks like a sweater, probably with a pumpkin on it, but is only as warm as a tank top.
Why can't science get anything right? The next time I see some scientist did another study to see if red wine is good for us, I'm going to lose my shit. Who cares if it's good for us? We're going to drink it whether it's good or bad, so we might as well just declare it good for us on the basis of "we like it, therefore it's good" and move on.
Meanwhile, make me a sweater with a Jack O Lantern or a kitty in a witch hat that keeps me cool. THAT will get my attention.

[joshua penrose · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read a good handful of these books now and they all have charm. This one is a pretty silly story (hard to compare levels of silliness in these books) but with some good laughs

Pros:
+funny slapstick
+funny one liners
+funny history re writes

Cons:
-it doesn’t bother me but I can see others caring about the writing level. It’s pretty basic

“I always like to end my exciting stories pretty much back where they started, so readers will get the feeling that whatever happens in this crazy world of ours, old Frank Burly will always be right back where he started.” Isn’t that all we need? The dude abides.

[Mike · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another hilarious romp with Frank Burly as our guide, this time through the supernatural and horror genres. Aside from the jokes, told in JS's inimitable style, a lot of the fun comes from just not knowing where the heck the book is going to go next. So that's why I only gave this one 3 stars, as it does get a bit bogged down in the middle when there's not a lot of movement, but things pick up again pretty quickly and wrap up with a satisfying conclusion. So far I'd rank them 2>3>1>4 but I see no reason to stop reading now!

[Fabian · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny, inventive, and very random. This character is an enigma--how can someone so clueless and infant-like--be so successful even in his errors? The ghosts are a collective; our main guy barely accumulates to a whole person. It's worth a perusal--these modern comic writers all seem to come from the same school of literary hilarity of Douglas Adams.

[Laura G · Rating 3 out of 5]

A series of absurd adventures featuring a rather stupid detective. It is pretty easy to see this as a Simpson’s writer, it would be easy to substitute Home Simpson as the detective and the constantly moving action from one setting and plot point to another without a lot of logic behind it.

[Chris Holtz · Rating 2 out of 5]

idk why i didnt like this one as much as the previous ones. probably just wasnt in the mood.

[Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Each of these books gets progressively more and more insane and I'm all for it.

[Richard Edwards · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the greatest books ever written!

[Zachary Finch · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best Frank burly yet!

[James Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Arguably the funniest yet, packed with so many jokes

[Dan Prestwich · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not my favorite entry in this supremely silly series, but if it brought me fewer guffaws, I was still smiling on nearly every page.

B

[D.M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

John Swartzwelder is kind of the mad genius behind some of the greatest moments during the golden age of animated TV show The Simpsons. He's a figure of mystery to the fans, and even to his fellow show creators he seems a bit enigmatic. Back in 2003, though, he started (seemingly self-) publishing one of these hard-boiled detective parody novels featuring his idiot protagonist Frank Burly. This one is from 2008, so much has already occurred in Burly's life, but it's not necessary to have gone through all that to get some joy here.
Frank Burly is not just a bad detective, he's a complete moron. Like most complete moron's, he has no idea just how dumb he is. In this novel, he finds himself uniquely haunted by the ghosts of two former clients, for whose deaths he is (somewhat indirectly) responsible. Things go unpredictably strange from there.
I'm not really sure there was a need for more madcap detective takeoffs, but I'm glad Swartzwelder's doing it. His sensibilities are notoriously archaic, and this genre serves them beautifully. There's nearly no way to picture the things happening here in any kind of actual reality, much in the way Douglas Adams' classic Hitchhiker's Guide... books played fast and loose with nature through marvelously comic use of language. This is not heavy reading in any way. It's strictly for laughs, and those come plentifully. I'll definitely be back for more.

[Ohexcardonme · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny book. If you like the Simpson's humor, you'll like this. It is a very short story with forgettable characters, a plot that is not very interesting, and a resolution that happens over the course of a few pages. However, this book is not trying to be any of those things. It's hilarious, and you can finish over the course of a few hours. Read it, enjoy it as you're reading it, then forget it.

[Noah Sturdevant · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anyone who likes the Simpsons should read this book. Anyone who likes clever word play and unexpected dialogue should also read it. Actually, go ahead and read it, because if you don't like it that is probably a character flaw on your part and not my fault. Read the rest of Swartzwelder's books too.

[Daniel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one had a few less laugh-out-loud jokes than others of the Burly books, but it also had more conceptually hilarious pieces: how hard ghosts have to work, how great the world is for not being born, the chapters where a ghost is trying to bring his corpse back to life. More high-concept humor, but a few less laughs.

[Leonard Pierce · Rating 3 out of 5]

The latest in Swartzwelder's tremendously goofy Frank Burly series.

[Erik Erickson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Frank Burly Special! Another book in a series that's the most fun you can have reading.

[Thjodbjorn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another Seartzwelder book that had me crying in public (from laughing).

[Finlay · Rating 3 out of 5]

More Frank Burly zaniness, this time with ghosts. Just lots of chuckles, nothing more.

[Joe Kearney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absurd, and hilarious - everything you'd expect from another John Swartzwelder story about the great Frank Burly.

[Robert McKiernan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't think I was in the mood for it to be honest. Didn't enjoy it nearly as much as his other books I've read.