Sylvia Plath's Letters Home has made her character both clearer and more ambiguous to me.
These letters sometimes serve as creative and emotional outlets; sometimes they are to sooth her homesickness or loneliness; other times, they are assurances to others that she is okay. Mostly, I believe, her letters are desperate; gasps for air. Her hopelessness rings loudly (and ironically) through her optimism. The water becomes more and more tumultuous but she continues to rise above to scream, "I'm fine!!!" , "I'm happy!!!" , "Oh, how wonderful my life is!!! How lucky I am!" with the little oxygen she has to spare.
She reassures herself of hope, she outlines the future because there is one!, and she ensures that everyone knows how excited the world makes her, how inspiring life is, and how much time she pours into her writing, as well as how joyful poetry makes her.
This optimism, this energy, this enthusiasm is almost confusing. After reading Plath's letters, I can't say that I understand her better. I am more doubtful of what I understand about who she was - her sentiments towards her mother, her father, her children, and husband... At the same time, this doubt makes me feel closer to understanding.
Plath is not the melancholic, nihilistic, morbid, beautifully tragic female poet she has such a reputation of being, even as claimed by people who claim to be fans of her. Despite her depression, Plath seemed to have tried so hard to "look on the bright side!" and be grateful for what she did have. She tried, like we all do, to trick herself into being happy. In fact, reading these letters, I realize what a normal girl she was, despite her flickering wisdom and distinctive ambition.
The persistence and resilience that is so evident in these letters as opposed to The Bell Jar and her poetry, is what makes it difficult to imagine Sylvia Plath succumbing to darkness and submitting herself to, for lack of a less judgmental word, weakness. Yes, it is difficult to imagine her weak. It is even more difficult to imagine the woman who wrote these letters also writing stanzas like: "Dying is an art [...] I do it exceptionally well."
Regardless, these letters demonstrate the sizzling passion and ambition in Sylvia Plath as screaming, and, yes, I do believe that Sylvia Plath really did mostly adore life and the world. There was a fear in her, of making the wrong move; a move that would stain potential forever. Despite the fate she took, her enthusiasm is a lot more notable to her character and entire being, than her depression.
I encourage anyone who likes Sylvia Plath and wants to learn and understand more about her, to read Letters Home, for it is probably the most authentic source for the truths and lies that wore for the outside world. I have yet to read her journals.
"Sometimes I try to put myself in another’s place, and I am frightened when I find I am almost succeeding. How awful to be anyone but I. I have a terrible egotism. I love my flesh, my face, my limbs with overwhelming devotion. I know that I am 'too tall' and have a fat nose, and yet I pose and prink before the mirror, seeing more and more how lovely I am… I have erected in my mind an image of myself — idealistic and beautiful. Is not that image, free from blemish, the true self — the true perfection? Am I wrong when this image insinuates itself between me and the merciless mirror."