The Journey of the Heroic Parent: Your Child's Struggle & The Road Home

by Brad M. Reedy

When a child is hurting, it can be the most painful challenge a parent will face. With compassion and perspective, Dr. Brad Reedy offers hope and wisdom for children who struggle and the parents who love them. The Journey of the Heroic Parent will take you on a journey to a happier, healthier relationship with your struggling child—and yourself. Through lessons learned, mother, father, and child will achieve greater understanding, love, and humanity—no matter what the outcome.

Every day parents face heartbreaking situations. Raising a child struggling with mental health issues, addictions, depression, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders or just the normal angst associated with growing up can be frightening and confusing.

When all you’ve done is not enough, when your child seems lost and you feel inept and impotent, Dr. Reedy can help you take the necessary steps to find your child, not with cursory cures or snappy solutions, but rather by effecting positive change in your own behavior.

On your journey, you will confront, reevaluate, and grow confident in your beliefs as a parent. You will learn how to lovingly and effectively communicate your intentions to your child.

Reedy’s process will teach you how to find peace and security in your skills as a parent, and help you get comfortable exactly where you are. Even if you’ve made mistakes, even if you think you’ve failed, you still have the power to be a great parent.

Healthy parenting leads to a healthy life for your whole family, and The Journey of the Heroic Parent will be your guide as you walk the path to hope.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Mental Health, Childrens, How To

256 pages, Paperback

First published April 21, 2015

About the author

Brad is a Co-founder and the Clinical Director of Evoke Therapy Programs. Evoke Therapy Programs provide outdoor-based therapy for adolescents, young-adults and families. As a co-owner of Second Nature Wilderness Programs, Brad helped to establish it as a leader in the treatment field. Brad has served as a Primary Therapist, Executive Director and Director of Clinical Services. He has served on the Board of the Utah Department of Child and Family Services and the board of the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs. He currently serves on the board for En Garde Arts, a NYC based company focusing on socially conscious theatre. Dr. Reedy has developed an accessible and liberating approach to adolescents, young-adults and their parents. His ability to use his own story and stories from the thousands of families he has treated offers hope to families suffering with mental health, addiction and stage-of-life issues.

He is a captivating public speaker and has been invited to deliver several keynote addresses on wilderness therapy, treatment of addiction, and parenting. He has presented at conferences including NATSAP, Naropa’s Wilderness Symposium, IECA, and the Moments of Change Conference. Brad has been invited to present at Universities including Syracuse, Cornell, BYU, and the MRI institute in Palo Alto California on the subject of experiential therapy in the treatment for young adults and teens. He is often asked to present at parent education conferences, symposiums and workshops and has been invited to speak as an expert in national syndicated radio shows such as the “Dennis Prager Show” and “Parenting the Addicted Child” and “The Judith Regan Show.” Brad has broadcast over 700 webinars on parenting since 2007.

He is the author of The Journey of the Heroic Parent: Your Child’s Struggle & the Road Home, published by Reganarts.

Reviews

[Lisa Faircloth · Rating 5 out of 5]

My rating would be more like 4.5 stars, but I wanted to give a 5 star rating for a few reasons. First, when it comes to Family Systems Theory, Brad Reedy is hands down the best guy out there. I saw one popular review that knocked this book because the reviewer felt like the Boundaries for Teens book was a more practical resource, but that is not a reasonable comparison as this book is not marketed for the general parenting teens experience. This is for the parent with a child in intensive treatment programs, or parents of extremely high-risk teens who have been or might should go to such a program. Finally, Brad Reedy is full of grace, very open about his own struggles, and has been on this difficult journey with us. He has a podcast where he really dives deep into these principle across a variety of settings. It’s called Finding You (through Evoke therapy programs). It is an anchor for many parents in the throes of very disruptive situations. My only criticism is that Dr. Reedy’s principles do not always fully align with my deeply held religious convictions, but I do understand that not everyone feels how I do, and this is a secular book after all.

[Jodi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I originally borrowed this book from the library back in May. I kept renewing it because I wasn’t in the right headspace and couldn’t get through the first chapter. I finally decided it was worth it for my journey to purchase my a copy. I started reading and it was hard to digest the author’s message. While the book is about forming a better relationship with your struggling child, his message is really applicable to any relationship you have with another person. I am glad I finally finished the book.

[Yvonne · Rating 4 out of 5]

An excellent resource for a struggling parent.

[McKenna Sumrak · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this book gets better with time and pondering. The reason I didn’t rate it higher is simply that I think it’s hard to fully grasp everything he includes and I would better get it through in-person therapy sessions or group discussions. I did really like the focus on being a good parent for its own sake, not to result in raising good kids. I like the emphasis on our feelings being about us and us needing to own them, not doing things for an outcome, not expecting to change anyone but ourselves, still setting boundaries, going with what feels right for our family, and just aiming to be a better person which helps us be better parents and creates a healthy environment for our family. Great insights, hard to implement, but that makes it feel more valuable to me. The intended audience is parents of children who are struggling with very difficult things, but I think it’s good for all parents and people regardless.

[Kirsten · Rating 5 out of 5]

This spoke with absolute clarity to my own parent heart. Effective parenting of teenagers is not for the cowardly, and in a very difficult time this book gave me a roadmap back to my own values, and therefore created space for my child's. Highly recommend to all parents willing to release their need for control in exchange for a joyful and effective relationship with their kid.

[Jasmyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

I both really loved some of his message and really didn't agree with some of it.
The parts I loved:
- Your child doesn't have to always love you
- It's ok to enforce consequences even if it means your child will be mad at you
- Good parenting is about becoming a better person, it's not about forcing your child to be who you want them to be
- Kids have agency and can choose differently than you
- Don't base your worth or only take care of yourself if your child is responding to you in a positive way
Things I didn't like:
- Is it a universal truth that therapists usually have the most issues of all? This author seems to have lots of issues in his marriage and with his kids, which is maybe why he went into therapy. But his life is not one I'd want to emulate or get advice from.
- I felt like there was way too much emphasis on self-care above all. Cutting out anything that "doesn't serve" you. This is a selfish, mal-adapted way to live, in my opinion.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very helpful book. Read it to help my relationship with my 16-year-old son and wished I’d found it years ago. Some gems:

The question is not the question. Look for what’s going on beneath the surface behavior.

Look for the emotion that is being suppressed or denied. Or that the child is unwilling to feel, for fear that it will sweep him away forever. I recognized this fear from my own youth.

Take care to express myself using “I” statements, which is also demonstrated in the book, “The Parallel Process.” These help to identify and own my feelings, so I don’t blame my kid for them and/or act out in anger.

I have since discovered that the author of this book, Dr. Brad Reedy, has an excellent podcast: Evoke Therapy Programs. He is the clinical director of a wilderness therapy program for teenagers, so the topics are geared toward family systems. Here’s a gem from one of those: “The first thing you should know about me is that I am not you. A lot more will make sense after that.”

[Jan Stewart · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was drawn to Brad Reedy's book as the parent of two children with multiple, complex mental health disorders. His suggestions on healthy parenting deeply resonated with me. He brought out in clear terms what I have known to do instinctively, which will make me a more informed and hopefully even better parent.

Reedy says, "If we can learn to tell our stories, and if we can be present enough to listen to others tell their own stories, then we have arrived at the solution. The solution is feeling it and talking about it." This is actually one of the main reasons I have just written my book, Hold on Tight: A Parent's Journey Raising Children with Mental Illness. He helped me realize that the key is "understanding our own intent and how that reflects on our relationship with our children".

And finally, his message of hope is an important one. I would recommend this book to any parent of children experiencing challenges.

[Carola · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is written for parents who have sent their child to the author's wilderness program, but it has a lot to offer to everyone, even people who don't have children. I wish I had read it prior to raising teens, and I would particularly recommend it to people who are entering that phase of life.

Reedy helps you learn healthier ways to respond when you are in distress about situations where your power to make changes is limited. He highlights our natural tendency to believe that we have more control than we do, or to continue reacting in the same way despite its lack of effect in the past. Despite his focus on the parent-child interaction, the message he sends is also applicable to other family relationships, as well as those with friends, neighbors and co-workers. It's all about boundaries, man.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing for me! So many great concepts and ideas. I'm almost finished with it and then I'll be reading it again. It is so packed that I feel I need to refresh my memory and take notes. This first time has been Audible. I bought the paperback and will be marking it up on round 2. A great book for anyone wanting to have some ideas on becoming a better parent, including how to give your children the space, love and empathy to grow into the human being they can become - and a constant reminder that your teenager's life is not your life. We have to let them make their own choices so that they can learn life's lessons. So many more lessons in this book. I loved it!

[Kari · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 This is a VERY good book. So much good and useful information for those of us who would like to learn how to interact with our children (including adult children) in new and different ways. I appreciate the author’s experience and expertise as well as his willingness to be vulnerable and share his own journey. He does talk quite a bit about his wilderness program, but it does not detract from the bigger picture and it does not feel like a “sell”, however, that is the reason for my 4.5 vs 5. Also, this is a very accessible book, but, it is better if you are able to do this w/ a therapist or a group based on the concepts in the book.

[Diane Mayernik · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very well done and informative. I learned a lot about myself as a parent. The author is a psychologist and a father who works with troubled kids in his “Wilderness program”, which empowers troubled kids by connecting them with nature and hence, themselves. He teaches parents about co-dependence in this book, and how to work towards a “healthy detachment” from our kids. He preaches that our kids are not- and should not be extensions ourselves. Their lives and their achievements are their own. I will take away a lot from this author’s professional experience and opinions.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good parenting book -
You will likely gain very much by reading this, especially if you haven't read a bunch of parenting books about the same topic, or haven't listened to many of Dr. Reedy's podcasts.
For me, this was a great reminder of what I already have read/learned from Dr. Reedy and related experts. Helpful ways to think about parenting.

[Beth Markley · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author outlines helpful communication strategies for parents of struggling teens. Our therapist recommended this book strongly and I can see why. The author has gone through a great deal of the same struggles we have with his son (and as a teen himself). I found myself drawn in by the stories of his clients and his own struggles.

[Bonnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perhaps the best book on parenting I have ever read. I may have to go back and demote the other parenting books I’ve read. There are no pat answers or one-size-fits-all solutions to “fix��� your kids. Instead the author invites parents to turn inward and consider how they can change to become less reactive, more loving, better people, and therefore better parents.

[Lamandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listen to Brad Reedy’s podcast, which I think is why this book didn’t hold my attention and took me a long time to get through. Its tenets mirror the podcast so it wasn’t new information to me, but I can’t fault the book for that. The principles presented by Reedy have transformed my parenting and general outlook.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is probably the best parenting book I have read maybe ever. A lot of the journey I have already gone through in parenting was validated in this book but also I learned I still have a long way to go…and maybe that I will have to go through this change over and over again, constantly checking in with myself.

[Bret Legg · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s hard as a parent not to take more responsibility for your child and their choices than you should. Because our children are our life, it’s sometimes hard to see where we stop and they begin. This is especially true if your child is a prodigal. But this book is a good book to help you with maintaining proper and effective boundaries with your child. It’s written clearly and practically.

[Marcelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really, really good book with solid ideas. I loved all the case studies and the fact that he had an errant son too. If you have a kid struggling, that means you are struggling. This might be a good book for you.

[Patty Hagar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent relationship book for anyone, whether you’re parenting struggling teens or just need reminders on how to be empathetic, maintain boundaries and realization that you can be your best, while trying to be better.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full of wisdom that reframes our children's suffering and our own in a hopeful and profound way. Another thing I liked about it was that the author appears to have screwed up in every way himself, which I suppose may turn off some people but was refreshing to me.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author reminded me a bit of Orson Scott Card or Stephen Covey in uncomfortable ways, but he had a lot of sound advice and useful perspectives.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

A parenting bible on maintaining boundaries and what we can and cannot change.

[Alison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic. Helpful for adult relationships as well as parent child. Especially good for adult children relationships.

[Jill Nebeker · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for every parent!

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read for work - helpful for parents of struggling or launching kids.

[Ginni · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book isn't bad, but there's nothing in it that you couldn't get from the much better Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life (or the associated "Boundaries With Kids"). Parents who haven't been through counseling or read any books that deal with the concept of only trying to control yourself will find this book tremendously helpful, and even those who know the concept might benefit from the reminder. I doubt, however, that I will be keeping this one.

(I received this book for free through a Goodreads giveaway.)

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must for all parents. Recommend reading as a requirement before you embark on having children and reread every 5 years thereafter. The way we instinctively react to our kids is not always what they need. The world would be a far better place with more Yodas in it.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic- I refer back to it frequently. Brad is absolutely terrific if you get a chance to attend one of his workshops either in NYC or out in the field.

[Rayme]

Although I would not say I have a difficult child, this was a fantastic book about parenting. I recommend it to anyone with a teen.