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221 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1965
Once again, they would push open a door into a small restaurant and joyfully, almost ritually absorb the ambient warmth, the clutter of cutlery, the clinking of glasses, the muffed sounds of conversation, the inviting whiteness of napkins. They would select their wine punctiliously, unfold their napkins, and then it would seem to them, as they sat in the warm, in a close huddle, smoking a cigarette to be stubbed out in a moment’s time when the hors d’oeuvres would arrive, that their life was going to be only the infinite sum of such auspicious moments, and that they would always be happy, because they deserved to be happy, because they would manage to stay free, because happiness was within them. They would sit facing each other, they were going to eat after having been hungry, and all these things - the thick white tablecloth, the blue blot of a packet of Gitanes, the earthenware plates, the rather heavy cutlery, the stem glasses, the wicker basket full of newly baked bread - constituted the ever-fresh setting of an almost visceral pleasure, pleasure so intense as to verge on numbness: an impression, almost exactly opposite and almost exactly identical to the experience of speed, of a tremendous stability, of tremendous plentitude. From this table set for dinner arose for them the feeling of perfect synchrony: they were in tune with the world, they were swimming in it, in their element, with nothing to fear from it.
In advertising circles - which were generally located by quasi-mythical tradition to the left of centre, but were rather better defined by technocracy, the cult of efficiency, modernity, complexity, by the taste for speculating on future trends and by the more demagogic strain in sociology as well as by the still very widespread opinion that nine-tenths of the population were fools just able to sing the praises of anything or anybody in unison - in advertising circles, then, it was fashionable to despise all merely topical political issues and to grasp History in nothing smaller than centuries.
I found myself wandering aimlessly to the west, past the terrace of chip and kebab shops and laundrettes near the tube station. I crossed the street, and headed into virgin territory - I had never been this way before. Gravel-dashed houses alternated with square 60s offices, and the wide pavements undulated with cracks and litter. I walked and walked, because there was nothing else for me to do, and by degrees the light began to fade.This endless return to one question, one probe, reminds me a little of the Serbian novelist Milorad Pavic, who claimed that his novels were like sculptures that you could walk around. His most famous work, Dictionary of the Khazars, is supposed to be read like a hypertext, jumping back and forth between entries, but with the catch that all entries are essentially telling the same story; it does not have the breadth and scope of a real dictionary. It is a kind of trick of the light, the unknowable, true meaning fractured into a kaleidoscopic panorama.
For Christ’s sake, our young lad thinks, am I going to have to spend my days behind these glass walls instead of going for walks in flowery meadows? Am I going to catch myself hoping the night before each promotion exercise? Am I going to calculate, connive, champ my bit, me, who used to dream of poetry, of night trains, of warm sandy beaches? And, taking it mistakenly to be a consolation, he falls into the trap of hire-purchase. Then he is caught, well and truly caught. All he can do is to gird up his patience. Alas, when he gets to the end of his troubles, our young man is no longer quite so young, and, to cap his misfortunes, it can even seem to him that his life is behind him, that it consisted only of his striving and not of what he strove for, and even if he is too cautious, too sensible - his slow climb has given him plenty of experience - to dare to say such things to himself, it will none the less be true that he will be forty, and straightening out his home and his weekend place and his children's education will have filled more than adequately the few hours he will have been able to spare from his work...(...and you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife, and you may ask yourself... how did I get here?...)
I was still sitting on the bench, but the colours and the planes of the road and horizon had become the photo. If I looked hard, I could see the lines of the window ledge in the original photograph were now composed by a tree branch and the silhouetted edge of a grass verge.Of course the inevitable happens, and the narrator experiences a kind of Proustian collapse:
Strongest of all was the feeling of 1982-ness: dizzy, illogical, as if none of the intervening disasters and wrong turns had happened yet. I felt guilty, and inconsolably sad. I felt the instinctive tug back - to school, the memory of shopping malls, cooking, driving in my mother’s car. All gone, gone forever.Nostalgia, the past - they are curious things. We speak of intervening disasters, wrong turns, we think there are trajectories between where we were then and where we are now. But if pressed, they become hard to pinpoint. I don't quite know how I spiritually drifted from A Man Asleep to Things, and/or where exactly on the Perec-spectrum I currently am. The book as I have it, the two novellas combined, feels like the Before and After of something important, some great event that nonetheless never transpired. There has been no intervening disaster. The arrow of life has moved forward, yes, but I could not catch it in motion in any one singular frame. And yet here I am.