Somebody Is Going to Die if Lilly Beth Doesn't Catch That Bouquet: The Official Southern Ladies' Guide to Hosting the Perfect Wedding

by Gayden Metcalfe, Charlotte Hays

Even if youve never attended a wedding in the South, youll find laughter in the pages of this deliciously entertaining slice of Southern life and love, complete with recipes, advice, and a huge dose of that famous charm "In the Mississippi Delta, funerals bring out the best in people, while weddings, which are supposed to be happy occasions, bring out the worst." So say Gayden Metcalfe and Charlotte Hays, authors of the bestseller Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral , who turn their keen eyes and sharp wit from the end of the life cycle to the all-important midpoint. For anyone planning, participating in, or attending a wedding (Southern or not), this book will amuse, entertain, and provide advice for marital bliss, including: --It's OK to peek at an etiquette book, but if you rely too heavily on it, people will think that you are not fully acquainted with what is right and wrong.
--Anything that was not done in the past doesnt need to be done now -- consider this before ordering a groom's cake, especially one featuring a fishing-tackle or golfing theme.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Southern, Cookbooks, Food, Cooking

272 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2007

About the author

Gayden Metcalfe was born in Greenville, Mississippi, where she currently lives with her husband. She is a garden club member, civic leader, founder of the Greenville Arts Council, and is active in civic institutions. She travels the country speaking about Southern etiquette, the art of conversation, and her books. She was the vice president of the Delta Council and was the publisher of Delta Wildlife Magazine.

Metcalfe lived for a time in Atlanta, where she worked for Saks Fifth Avenue. Her background is in merchandising. She was on the Young Designers Board of Genesco during that time.

Being Dead Is No Excuse was awarded a Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance (SIBA) award. It was also nominated for a Quill Award.

Reviews

[Belinda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as good as Being Dead Is No Excuse, but passably entertaining. I think my favorite part was about King's Daughters Hospital in Greenville, MS being where "all the best Delta babies are born." I was born in Greenville. I'll have to ask my mom which hospital, so I'll know whether or not I'm the cream of the crop.

UPDATE: Having been born at the county hospital, I'm not. ;-)

[Melinda · Rating 3 out of 5]

2011 -- Still fun, and some good recipes still to be tried out!

2009 --This book is by the same women who wrote "Being Dead is No Excuse". Here the two Southern ladies tackle the perfect Delta wedding! Packed with recipes, advice, and stories from weddings seen and experienced, this book again provides a humorous laugh and gentle reminder that "funerals bring out the best in people, while weddings, which should be happy occasions, bring out the worst."

Enjoyable chapters included "The Pageant: Are you trying to marry off your daughter or win the Academy award for Bad Taste?", "The Society Baptists: What happens when your unity candle burns hotter than the bad place?", and "The Mature Bride: Catching the last bouquet".

My favorite story is of the mature bride, Alice, who found her younger husband while traveling in Spain. Alice had a heart attack on the street and was caught by a young Spanish man named Jose. Jose nursed her back to health. He returned with her to her native shores and decided he wanted to stay in America. She consulted the family lawyer who told her "you can adopt him, or marry him"!

Music to avoid includes "Love Me Tender" by Elvis Presley, "Ebb Tide" by Frank Sinatra, "Hail State" the Mississippi State's fight song, and "One Hand, One Heart" from West Side Story. Approved music includes "Sheep may safely graze" (great for any agrarian society, although it would have been better perhaps with cows), Purcell's Trumpet Tune in D (weren't the Purcell's from Virginia?), and "Now Thank We all our God" because by the end you are thinking "Now Thank we all our God -- That It's All Over"!

So read this book if you love the South, are getting ready for a wedding, or want some good recipes for cheese straws, beaten biscuits, stuffed eggs (deviled eggs, to the rest of the world), and grits!

[Rachel Stephens · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had me saying, "I'm so glad we moved out of the South, I'm so glad." Not anywhere near as funny as the book on funerals, this perfect wedding book may have you raising an eyebrow as to what constitutes "polite" behavior in the Delta.

Just as Jersey Shore does a disservice to the residents of Jersey by portraying a small niche of jerks as the standard Jersey resident, so does this "perfect wedding" guide to the average Southerner.

If having catty women, with no discernible skills, (other than gossiping and opening cans of soup to pour over veggies) who berate you or complain about your wedding because your 5-year-old ring bearer is in a suit rather than a British "Eton" suit, constitutes a "perfect" wedding, COUNT ME OUT!

This isn't so much a guide for a perfect wedding but a guide to steer you clear of the Southerners who have nothing better to do than snub their noses at the type of finger sandwiches that are served at a wedding.

[Charity · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a decent little book. There were a few spots that had me laughing out loud (like the woman who didn't want to sit near a little boy in a tuxedo because she didn't want a homunculus sitting in her lap) and many, many more that had me smiling.

While this book highlighted the fact that North Carolina (the only place I've lived in The South) is much, much different from the Delta, it did explain a couple of things I considered odd at a couple of the weddings I'd attended there. And I'm notorious for leaving early when I'm a wedding guest, which, according to this book, makes me quite rude. I did, however, send out my thank-you cards within just a few months of my own wedding, so at least I got the most important wedding-related thing right.

I do regret having to return the book to the library before I had a chance to try some of the recipes on my family.

[stefanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

i thought it would be more laugh out loud funny, but it was more smirk funny. i guess the mississippi delta is a little different than alabama/texas form of southern I'm used to (loud mouth - like molly ivins). BUT the saving grace is that this book comes with a lot of recipes, some that are like snapshots of my childhood at the 1st presbyterian church of auburn alabama. Take for example the presbyterian punch, with lime sherbet and no alcohol. i think my piano teacher served it (out of a real cut glass punch bowl) after our recitals. also interesting is the Greenville Mississippi doyenne of wedding cakes admits that her secret is duncan hines white cake mix....but she HAS come up with her own icing! and it includes crisco!! now that is funny.

[Christy · Rating 2 out of 5]

One of the weirdest books I’ve read - read for a book club, naturally. 🥲 I’m not sure I as a Western born and now Northwestern living person even understood what was happening in this book - the South is a strange and terrifying place, haha. Kind of enjoyed the bizarre recipes that the authors have served at weddings? But was never sure if they were a joke, they were so weird (lots of gelatin molds, and the book was written in 2007.)

[Phyllis Barlow · Rating 4 out of 5]

I live in Mississippi (not in the Delta, though) so this was right up my alley. People from other sections of the country may not be as amused, but I found it hysterical.
Also some pretty good recipes. There's even a punch recipe that serves 600 if you should ever find yourself in need. If you like Southern humor and want to see some recipes that Southern hostesses use for entertaining, you will enjoy this book.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Don't even bother touching this book if you can't look at Southern tradition with a sense of humor or you will throw it across the room in a huff. However, if you have ever experienced Southern weddings and expecially if you have helped to plan a Southern wedding, you will belly-laugh at this book. With chapters entitled such things as "The Shotgun Wedding: Dp ou Know Who Mah Daddy Is?" and the last chapter, "The Restorative Cocktail:We Thought They'd Never Leave," who could resist such wedding advice? I do hope the names have been changed to protect the innocent or the authors can never show their faces in Greenwood, Mississippi, again!

What is didn't expect to find were all of the Southern recipes for traditional Southern wedding fare! The recipes alone are worth the price of the book. So many of the items I saw as I flipped through the pages were for things I hadn't had since weddings in the Sixties and Seventies. Southern Cheese Straws (under the heading of Recipes for Delta Brunch for Yankee Guests); Chicken Salad and Homemade Cream Puffs; Fresh Asparagus with Hollandaise Sauce; even Cocktail Weenies with Red Currant Jelly!

Even if you don't have a wedding to plan, this book is great for laughing out loud.

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

"As necessary as the groom might be for the proper Delta wedding, a Southern girl must never--nevah!--be congratulated upon obtaining one. To do so is an insult to the whole of Southern womanhood."

This book is quite amusing, but I can't help but think it would have been even funnier if I weren't Yankee-born. It's part study, part satire of the lengths Southern women, particularly mothers of the bride in the Mississippi Delta region, will go through to put on the perfect wedding. (There are some translations and explainations for Yankees.) It's told with juicy bits of gossip interspersed, as if you're sitting down to bourbon-laced punch with the ladies.

One really neat thing is that menues and recipes are included for certain types of weddings and the events surrounding them: traditional last Delta wedding, wedding brunch, Baptist wedding, wedding cakes, shotgun wedding, etc. I didn't realize it until just now, but it's along the lines of Amy Sedaris's "I Like You" in that it contains useful information on etiquette and traditions but it's wrapped up with a nice big satirical bow.

This review is also posted on the wedding blog:
http://flamingtulle.blogspot.com/

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was first exposed to this type of writing in The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love. I bought all that series and sent copies to several of my friends and family.

I'd read Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide To Hosting the Perfect Funeral and enjoyed it so much that I bought this book, only to lose it in my stack of books-to-be-read. I finally unearthed this one and settled in for an enjoyable read.

Unfortunately, I got lost in the people. Some of the stories were too long-winded and complicated for me to follow.

On the positive side, several of the recipes look delicious. I marked them to try once the weather cools off. (Right now, only cold food sounds good--it's 108F!)

I'll be keeping this book for the recipes, not the stories.

[RebL · Rating 3 out of 5]

A smirk at Mississippi Delta weddings, with recipes. Honestly I should have copied out some of the recipes, because I was way more hungry while reading this than I ought to have been. It's a fun read in a Sweet Potato Queens sort of way. There's a few factual errors; e.g. Eureka Springs is in a wet county, for instance, but let's not let the truth get in the way of a good story, right hon?
My mother would have enjoyed this book had it existed while planning my wedding, even though Saturday afternoon Methodist weddings in Arkansas are nothing like the fétes described herein. This book also left me thanking my lucky stars I didn't go to Ole Miss for college.

[Brittany · Rating 3 out of 5]

Amusing, and also true, but not nearly as slap-your-leg and run-your-mascara funny as I had been led to believe. It was a fun read, and had some very true observations. However, I had to deal with the revelation that the music I'd been planning to have at my (highly hypothetical) wedding is on the "Recommended" list of wedding music. Which makes me think it's not quite the earth-shatteringly original idea I'd thought.

[Ginny · Rating 5 out of 5]

As my family is from Mississippi, and I have spent a good six years at Ole Miss, I have to say: this book speaks the truth. And it does so in such a way that you have no choice but to start laughing. The best parts for me were the comments that I could go "Mom does that. And that. And.... Mom wouldn't do that, but my grandmother would!" This book is well written, funny, and while I think that Southerners, particularly Mississipians, would better appreciate it, it is definitely worth a read.

[Lana B · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a “transplant” to the south, I not only understood the wedding protocols explained in the book, but I understood the comedy and subtle jabs made at them. I was quite literally laughing out loud several times as I read through, and I could hear the voices of several women I know explaining the subtleties of dressing ring bearers or appropriate venues for 2nd/3rd/4th weddings.... it’s perfection, and I can’t wait to start on the companion books!

[Dara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Half a funny, rambling discourse on "Delta weddings," half a collection of recipes of things like cheese straws, a vast assortment of alcoholic drinks (brandy milk punch, anyone?), and stuffed everything (figs, dates, tomatoes twice, etc). It's an odd mix, but it was a fun read and I might even try some of the recipes.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Maybe it's because I'm engaged and planning my wedding, or maybe it's because I was raised in a town about 45 minutes from Greenville, MS. Or, maybe it's because I know the author and several of the "characters" in the book. Whatever the reason, this book is really funny for those of us raised in the Deep South.

[Leslie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Eh. not nearly as entertaining and useful as "Being Dead Is No Excuse". Maybe because I've attended more southern funerals than weddings, but this was a little boring, and as another reader said, a little mean and snippy. The recipes don't seem very appealing, either. Get the first one, skip this one.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

You can't enjoy this book if you take it at all seriously. The entire book is a joke (Well, except the recipes- those are for real!), and the humor is fun. Its humor is mostly pretty specific to the deep south and to Mississippi! For those who will get the jokes about the various protestant churches in the south, local accent jokes, and jokes about social standing in a small southern town. :)

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really enjoyable narration-- very confidential tone, lots of hilarious anecdotes, and recipes at the end of every chapter. The authors have all the insider information and know jsut what to tell us outsiders (Yankees).

[Emily · Rating 2 out of 5]

My fiance's stepfather gave me this book, which was very sweet of him and the only detail about it worth mentioning. Disappointing at best, this book was neither funny nor helpful in planning a wedding. Maybe my home state of Virginia is too far from the Delta for Lilly Beth...

[Bev Marshall-Goodell]

I was reminded of my early years as a cake-girl, attending the weddings of total strangers, helping to serve cake. I laughed like crazy over the shotgun wedding scenarios and all the recipes with booze in them.

[Bethanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cute, light-hearted fun. Many examples of weddings and traditions in the South. You must be from there to really get it. The book is also interwoven with recipes, which makes it a really easy, afternoon read.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is much more of an entertaining read than a wedding planner, sort of in the vein of the Sweet Potato Queens (who have their own wedding planner. You flip it over and the other half is a divorce guide).

[Bea · Rating 3 out of 5]

An entertaining enough little book. No doubt it would have been funnier if I were southern, but between the anecdotes and the recipes for foods I've never heard of, it was a little bit like reading alien literature that had been translated into English with moderate success.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious, especially if you're from the parts of the South in which you can recognize your friends and family.

This is not a book to read if you're hungry. The recipes sound delicious and will have you raiding the pantry in no time.

[Ann · Rating 3 out of 5]

As preparation for an Alabama wedding I'll attend next month, the bride's mother recommended this book. Part satire, completely humorous, this book supposedly has nuggets of truth about Southern culture and customs. I will find out more when I spend a weekend in Tuscaloosa!

[Melanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was told this was and the one about funerals were very funny and worth reading. I thought I would take a chance on weddings. A nice quick read with humor and recipies. I'm so glad that there are others that don't like the unity candle.

[Amelia · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are from the South you will relate and laugh out loud at this tongue in cheek guide to the southern wedding. If you are of the northern persuasion you probably won't understand most of it and that's okay, we will still bless your heart.

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very funny. Lots of good recipes. But one glaring error - the bride and groom do NOT have a year to send out thank you notes. Gifts should be acknowledged right away. A month from the time of giving, at most.

[Karina · Rating 4 out of 5]

comical - good receipes