Anything to Declare?: The Searching Tales of an HM Customs Officer

by Jon Frost

In more than twenty years, Jon Frost has worked with the mad, the bad, the brave, the stupid, the spectacular and the heroic.

In his time as a uniformed officer Jon seized presidential aircraft, a working tank, cars, lorries, boats and coffins; and uncovered wild animals, killer snakes, bush meat, animal porn, poisonous vodka, dodgy medicine, bootleg prescriptions, pirated pills, toxic alcohol, firearms, side-arms, swords, explosives, stolen gold, dirty money, blood diamonds, child pornography and every drug known to man and a few as yet unknown ones. And the dead? He searched them too.

When youâ??ve confiscated everything from a suitcase full human hair to a live monkey hidden in the lining of someoneâ??s overcoat, you know you can never return to a normal line of work.

But then Jon went into undercover customs work, and things became really interesting . . .

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Memoir, Humor, Travel, Crime, Autobiography

344 pages, Paperback

First published June 19, 2014

Reviews

[Mothwing · Rating 1 out of 5]

I give up. This book, while containing some funny anecdotes, is really not as entertaining as I thought it would be and mostly is a rather self-aggrandizing account of Jon Frost's various exploits.

[Susan Ferguson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jon Frost was trying to decide what to do after the army when it was suggested he might want to try Customs work. So he applied. Working Customs at the airport, he saw some really crazy things. People were trying to smuggle in all sorts of stuff and in all kinds of ways. Then he decided he wanted to go a step further and joined the Investigation unit. Then he became addicted to the adrenaline rush of investigation and decided to join the top investigation group in Customs and managed to make it in. The application process is really tough and it's not easy.
He tells these stories with a good-natured humor and laugh at his expense and others. But the stories are exciting and real. A great read.

[Darla Ebert · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this a compelling read, Jon Frost certainly has a unique view on life in general and his job in particular. I was most interested in the development of seemingly a sixth sense in these officials. While the book bogged down a bit in the middle due to a relating of tedious details from espionage exploits, still I would recommend it to anyone wanting to get a window into the day to day work of customs officials. Except for all the over-the-top drinking, I have a bit more respect for customs workers. Hopefully this specific bit of over-sharing was exaggerated.

[Ruthie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Autobiographical. Funny, anecdotal, and you won't go through an airport without a second look at those customs officers now. They see it all and more. Interesting account of a customs officer role without giving away too many trade secrets. He has had an interesting career with a few hairy and many unusual incidents where a dark sense of humour gets you through. An easy read that you can stop and start as each chapter a stand alone. I did learn about some of the organisations involved in border security but mostly this is Jon's own memoirs written for the general public he protected.

[Cherryls Books · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book has some amusing insights into what goes on behind the scenes in airports and immigration departments - like nuns 'smuggling' gin under the label of 'holy water', and a man trying to smuggle a monkey by sewing it into the inside of his coat...not to mention drug busts and the discovery of chimpanzee meat in someone's suitcase!!

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love these types of books, a secret look into hidden worlds. This joins other works like Adam Kay as a funny, candid and scary behind the curtain look. Jon's writing is engaging and his stories interesting even when sad, gross or just disturbing. What increased my enjoyment of this book had to be travelling through an airport while reading it!!

[Steven · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely amusing at times, and provided a deeper oversight into the roles performed by customs than i had previously realised. However, there were far too many mistakes in the book (spelling and content - poor editing) and the sheer arrogance on display throughout and general dismissiveness of every other professional service not called Customs knocked a star off for me.

[Pamela Grogan · Rating 1 out of 5]

Couldn't recommend

Inflated self importance and lack of respect for other enforcement agencies abounds. Disgusted by the language used-completely unnecessary. Disappointed. How can any customs officer admit to criminal damage and receive respect?

[Beachcomber · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, funny, informative and well structured. Occasionally the alpha male "assert my authority" came out, beating the chest a little too much, e.g. when Frost would describe putting someone in their place. But most of the book was funny and fascinating.

[Christine · Rating 1 out of 5]

Awful book. Rambling and badly written by someone who clearly thinks they're a bit of a geezer, but just comes across as a pathetic fantasist with a drink problem. The story about the repatriated body is disgusting.

[Alex Tulloch · Rating 5 out of 5]

excellent read

[christopher hardy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Crazy tales

I didn't know the role of customs was so far reaching , but great to read about the great job they are doing protecting the country

[Jill Whittle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Law and order

A fascinating glimpse into HM Customs force (and other liaison forces). Well written and thoroughly enjoyable from beginning to end.

[Josef · Rating 4 out of 5]

Must-read for frequent travelers

[Zala · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really really made me laugh. It was incredibly interesting.

[Sarah Bennett · Rating 3 out of 5]

Entertaining

A good read. Lots of giggles and shocks. Gives a new level of respect to the men and women at HMRC.

[nia · Rating 4 out of 5]

funny and insightful - really funny actually and a good read for passing the time on a plane ride - a bit too graphic in parts for me but a good book nonetheless

[Jori · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic Read For Anyone Who's Gotten Nervous Going Through the Green Lane

Jon Frost is a great story teller sharing anecdotes from his time in airport customs, Intel, and investigations. Having lived in the UK as a kid and traveled extensively there in my work career, this was a really fun read to see what goes on behind the search benches of HMCE. Anyone not familiar with British slang may have to look a few words up, but it's a great read for anyone who's traveled internationally or is interested in what Customs actually does. Frost has a good sense of humor. I read this in two days.

[Mark Farley · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting an entertaining read. Especially as its not just about a customs officer but one that rises through the ranks into intelligence and investigation which is very interesting. What let this book down was the general wit and narrative. At times, it reads like a copy of The Sun, with its blokey, UKIP voter attitude towards the world, which becomes very off putting. Jon Frost is a lot less funny than he believes himself to be. Otherwise, its a very enlightening read and a credit to the service that he works for.

[Chelsea Douglas · Rating 2 out of 5]

An interesting read for sure! It definitely revealed to me where stories like James Bond tales have come from, but it also made me think more deeply about how the United States "War on Drugs" impacted more than just the people in the US. If folks like Jon Frost were trained to connect drug users and smugglers with resources that would enable them to feed and house themselves and their families, then maybe we could keep folks out of jail and make it harder for drug dealers to come up with incentives for people to smuggle their drugs.

[Carla · Rating 2 out of 5]

Stories some gruesome and gross, others funny from a career Customs Officer from Britain. While some stories are funny, it becomes tedious pretty quickly, and was therefore way too long for me. I fastidiously read the first half of the book, became bored, and skimmed much of the rest. Mr. Frost has a way of writing that has me imagining we're sitting in a pub having a warm ale while he regales me with tales! Come to think of it, I'd rather that, than to have read this book.

[Jordan Smith · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some parts quite interesting, but humour very forced, sexist and immature. Writer could also be quite callous when describing certain events and sometimes took pleasure in others misfortune while also being very generalising.

[Hannah · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book explores true stories of a HM customs officer. Although the writer’s humor is very “dad joke”-like and not my taste, there are interesting stories within these pages. Some stories are a bit short and without closure, I would have preferred further exploration.

[Charlotte Cowley · Rating 4 out of 5]

7/10


This was a fun read, though not my favourite of non fiction books because the chapters were sooooo l o n g. At times, I didn't understand what the author was talking about, at other times, i was crying of laughter!

[Darryl Kimak · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great insight into the going ons at UK customs. Raw personal story.

[Colleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was okay... The humour gets a bit same year after a while, and the writing style isn't my cup of tea. But for the most part it was an interesting read

[Cheri Smallwood-ellerker · Rating 3 out of 5]

I actually found this book a complete let down and hard to get into, there were some funny bits but otherwise very hard going.

[Lazy Cornish Cat · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really interesting read and kept me enthralled throughout.

[Mel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting anecdotes but I thought the general humour was very forced.

[Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very entertaining lighthearted romp through the life of a Customs inspector in the UK. Read it in a few days but it was just humorous enough to keep you interested and looking for the next adventure.

The description of the man going down the emergency slide is prose in itself.