Initially I rated this 3 stars but after looking over the spots I marked it became obvious I couldn't rate this type of writing in the same way I rate fiction. I don't read a ton of essays, I'll catch one or two in a magazine or online but it is sporadic at best. I suppose I went in to this with the same mentality as I would when reading a collection of fictional short stories. I figured there would be a fairly even split between essays I enjoyed and those that didn't hit the right note. And while that was true in some sense what I found as I thought about this review was that there were great moments spread throughout this collection even in those essays that I wouldn't consider my favorites. Thus the change to 4 stars.
A couple of thoughts
A jab or two at television reporters;
Another TV guy is practicing a look of grave concern in his monitor, a look that, live at least, seems woefully constipated. It's weird to watch what amounts oxymoronically to a rehearsal of urgent news, especially without sound, emptied of content, because this pantomime of immediacy is patently fake, a charade, a fine-tuning, not of emotions, but the reenacted look of emotions. It's method acting or something. In a curious twist, I realize I always knew TV news seemed full of shit, but I never knew it was in fact, full of shit.
and this about a TV news woman covering the Mary Kat Letourneau trial
By the strident and aggressive tenor of the talk you couldn't tell if this Bonnie Hart entertained any doubt, then or ever, she was so careful not to cross herself, so careful to arrange her moral outrage along the lines of least resistance. In a sense the whole program was about Hart rendering the round world flat and endorsing lopsidedness, halfness. This seemed a crude and retrogressive project, since what really distinguishes us from apes is not the opposable thumb but the ability to hold in mind opposing ideas, a distinction we should probably try to preserve.
a relationship
Our whole time together she was less a girlfriend than a hypothesis, a vague guess at the truth, in constant need of testing and verification, further research.
I knew she was lying to me, but that doesn't mean I knew what was true. In this way, our relationship had the character of a rumor, something I'd heard about, something I knew only secondhand. Still we managed to resemble a couple for a while.
This description of a Moscow hotel
That particular exterior does the work of a facade, presenting a warren of windows so relentlessly uniform the eye is baffled and ultimately rejected; from a distance you can't quite locate the entrance. But if, from outside, you can't find a way in, from inside, especially walking the hallways, you can't imagine a way out. The interior space is made of incredibly long, horrid corridors lined on either side with black doors, like answers to questions you'd long ago forgotten.
at times so descriptive you can almost put your hands on the subject
Al tended the bar at night. He'd been in the merchant marine and ate with a fat clunky thumb holding down his plate, as if he were afraid the whole place might pitch and yaw and send his dinner flying. He was dwarfish and looked like an abandonded sculpture, a forgotten intention. His upper body was a slablike mass, a plinth upon which his head rested; he had a chiseled nose and jaw, a hack-job scar of a mouth; his hands were thick and stubby, more like paws than anything prehensile. Sitting back behind the bar, smoking Pall Malls, he seemed petrified, the current shape of his body achieved by erosion, his face cut by clumsy strokes and blows. His eyes, though, were soft and blue, always wet and weepy with rheum, and when you looked at Al, you had the disorienting sense of something trapped, something fluid and human caught inside the gray stone vessel of his gargoyle body, gazing out through those eyes.
He also spends quite a bit of time on suicide, his brother committed suicide in the authors bedroom
Most suicides go about the last phase of their business in silence and don't leave notes. Death itself is the summary satement, and they step into its embrace hours or days before the barrel is finally raised to the roof of the mouth or the fingertips last feel the rough metal of the bridge rail. They are dead and then they die.
If the aim of an essay is to shine a light on the seldom thought of, or forgotten, or taboo then this collection certainly hit its mark with me.
Every lie breaks the world in two, it divides the narrative, and eventually I fell through a crack into the subplot, becoming a minor character in my own life.