The Tenor Wore Tapshoes

The Liturgical Mystery #3

by Mark Schweizer

(No. 3 in the Liturgical Mystery series) St. Germaine is usually a quiet little town in the mountains of North Carolina and the inhabitants like it that way. But, as All Saints' Day approaches, Hayden Konig (full-time Chief of Police, part-time Episcopal Choirmaster, and aspiring whodunit novelist) once again finds himself with a bad manuscript, a dead body, and a parish full of characters that only Raymond Chandler could love.

Genres: Mystery, Humor, Fiction, Music, Cozy Mystery

240 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 2005

About the author

In 1974, Mark Schweizer, a brand-new high-school graduate decided to eschew the family architectural business and become an opera singer. Against all prevailing wisdom and despite jokes from his peers such as "What does the music major say after his first job interview?" (answer: You want fries with that?), he enrolled in the Music School at Stetson University. To his father, the rationale was obvious. No math requirement.

Everything happens for a reason, however, and he now lives and works as a musician, composer, author and publisher in Tryon, North Carolina with his lovely wife, Donis. If anyone finds out what he’s up to, he’ll have to go back to work at Mr. Steak. He actually has a bunch of degrees, including a Doctor of Musical Arts from the University of Arizona. I know! What were they thinking?

In the field of bad writing, Mark had the distinction of receiving a Dishonorable Mention in the 2006 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, an annual contest in which the entrants compete for the dubious honor of having composed the worst opening sentence to an imaginary novel. In 2007, his sentence now found on page 17 of The Mezzo Wore Mink was runner-up in the Detective Category. This, and two other of his entries, were featured in It Was A Dark and Stormy Night: A Collection of the Worst Fiction Ever Written, edited by Scott Rice and published by The Friday Project.

In varying stages of his career, Mark has waited tables, written articles for Collgehumor.com, won opera competitions, sung oratorios, taught in college music departments, raised pot-bellied pigs and hedgehogs, directed church choirs, sung the bass solo to Beethoven’s 9th with the Atlanta Symphony, hosted a classical music radio show, taught in a seminary, sung recitals, started a regional opera company, published choral music, built a log cabin, written opera librettos, directed stage productions, helped his wife to raise their two children and managed to remain married for thirty-two years. He also owns several chainsaws.

“Well,” Donis says, “it’s never boring.

In the fall of 2001, I began what I hoped would be a funny little book about an Episcopal choir director/ detective that had a flair for bad writing. Now, nine years later, that book, The Alto Wore Tweed, has had its ninth printing and the rest of the books (bad writing aside) are winning awards and working hard to catch up. Thanks to you, the Hayden Konig adventures continue to make their way into the hands of mystery lovers and across church choirs, one reader and singer at a time.

Reviews

[Sharon Barrow Wilfong · Rating 2 out of 5]

The mystery wasn't bad and the characters were pretty solid. The irreverence got on my nerves, however. Hence the two star rating.

[Eric_W · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another wickedly funny novel about Hayden, the local police chief/organist/choir director at St. Barnabas. Another plot within a plot, the interior story (hardly a story really) filled with outrageous similes.

The mystery in this one concerns a man, dead for 70 years who is discovered hidden in the altar but who is perfectly preserved, an “incorruptible” as it were. “"And is there such a thing as a true Incorruptible?" I asked. "It seems like a probable stage for a religious scam. Let's just say that it's 1580 and you're a Bishop of a cathedral that's having some franchise problems. The Protestants are pretty much undefeated going into the series. Your counter-reformation isn't going too well. Then one of your young nuns dies so you secretly embalm her, put her in a locked glass case, make up a story about how she's in-corrupt and died in ecstasy during her...” Fortunately, there is a rational explanation (spoiler: thorite)

Some new characters make their appearance: Brother Hog who uses a chicken to find the day’s Biblical reading and encourages “re-virgination”, a disappearing “Immaculate Confection” (a sweet roll with the likeness of the Virgin Mary that was bringing in lots of trade for Pete’s restaurant) and D’Artagnan (make of that what you will,) and Raymond Chandler.

Some quotes: “In the Episcopal church, pledge cards were as rare as hen's teeth—at least before Thanksgiving when the screws were tightened.”

Full disclosure: I was a boy soprano in a large Episcopal Church in New Haven in 6th and 7th grade at Sleeping Giant Junior High School (yes, that was its real name, but not the one in Montana). I’ll never forget that Palm Sunday when we forgot to lay down the palms at the front of the church and then decided we needed to get them up there, so all of a sudden these palms come flying up toward the front from the choir.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

That joke about the kid, the Sunday School teacher, the squirrel and Jesus... Yeah, that one.

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This series continues to be a lot of fun.

I read this again: January 7, 2018.

[Catherine Leggitt · Rating 3 out of 5]

"The Tenor Wore Tapshoes" Book 3 in the Liturgical Mystery series by Mark Schweizer is another fun read. I'd have to say not quite as good as "The Baritone Wore Chiffon" which is my favorite so far. But it is populated by the same quirky cast of St. Germaine characters, and the banter between them is just as entertaining. Such priceless concoctions as "the Immaculate Confection" a cinnamon roll that looks like the Virgin Mary, and the image of a Sumo Flamenco dancer will linger in my memory bank for future chuckles. There is the requisite murder to investigate--this time a body as dead as "a Presbyterian revival" hidden in St. Barnabas church since 1937--as well as Hayden's latest literary tome, which just may be his worst yet.

Part of the reason I didn't like this book as well as the last two concerns susing out the whodunnit. The complex details involved in the murder had to be repeated at regular intervals and never got any easier to follow. Just too complicated. Also, I was happier following Hayden's convoluted logic to the solution of the case than having the case solved by--well, don't want to spoil it--someone else.

I've become used to finding pleasure in the wonderful irreverence of Hayden's view of life at St. Barnabas Episcopal now, so I don't feel the same sense of guilty pleasure. Actually, I begin to see that the pomp and politics inherent in organized religion may need to be exposed now and then. We humans tend to do religion in a kind of laughable manner at times.

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the third book in the series and not the best one. The storyline and mystery were fine but judging from the first two books in the series, this one was lacking in the laugh-out-loud moments.

There were some funny things in the book; from the chicken who picked the scripture to the all man retreat.

An enjoyable read!!

[Becky Swanson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pefect beach reading - for Mexico. Couldn't keep myself from reading particularly outrageous passages to my fiance. Luckily, we're still engaged!

[Tracey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Arrrgh! The birth of Jesus is not the Immaculate Conception!

That said, the "Immaculate Confection" (a cinnamon role that supposedly looks like Mary) is pretty funny. So is the Scripture Chicken.

[Jocelyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of spiritual oddities in this liturgical mystery. The ghost of Raymond Chandler. Binny Hen the Scripture Chicken. The Immaculate Confection. And an incorruptible corpse.

[Bryan Thomas Schmidt · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as consistently funny as the prior two books in the series, though it does pick up toward the end. Still entertaining with sime new character development.

[Jack Heath]

Synopsis: Hayden Konig loves his two jobs, Police Chief in St. Germaine NC, and part time as church organist. Until a body is found at the altar.

[Dean McIntyre · Rating 4 out of 5]

THE TENOR WORE TAPSHOES, #3 in The Liturgical Mystery series by Mark Schweizer -- No need to read these in sequence, although occasionally a later book will refer to something from an earlier book. Hayden Konig, independently wealthy small town police chief, striving author, and organist/choir director in a small Episcopal church confronts numerous happenings with great humor. A body is discovered inside the church altar, mysteriously preserved without decay, though dead for decades. A local restaurateur bakes a cinnamon roll that looks like the Virgin Mary and exploits it for customers and sales until it is stolen. Brother Hogmany MacTavish, traveling tent evangelist, comes to town with a live chicken that selects his preaching scriptures. A crooked hymnal committee taking bribes to include certain hymns while conspiring to exclude their "worst hymn ever," which is eventually named. A great plot, memorable characters, sparkling dialog, and Schweizer's wonderfully humorous writing. I particularly enjoy how he employs similes and metaphors.

[Dennis Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

MARK SCHWEIZER'S TENOR WORE TAPSHOES is quite comical. Mark was a singer, a musician, a composer, a writer and a publisher. He wrote 15 of these liturgical mysteries within mysteries. Sadly, he passed in 2019. This is the first I have read by him but it may not be my last. While the mystery within a mystery is a short one, perhaps a bit too short, it enhances the read to the tune of Raymond Chandler and I like his writing style.

Jim Hunt's illustrations are just perfect, so on the money. This who-done-it was a fun read but the perp was rather obvious quite early on. Mark's characters were fleshed out nicely. The action never lagged. The cover art is quite colorful and eye-catching. Font and spacing are just perfect.

[R. · Rating 3 out of 5]

The bookclub finished THE TENOR WORE TAPSHOES and we rated it a 3+ overall. It was a quick and easy read, with plenty of wit and comedy. We thought the characters were overly endowed with money, job titles, and capabilities, so much so as to be bordering on super human. The story revolving around the personalities and politics of a church parish did ring true though, according to the experiences of several of us. A solidly humorous, quick read.

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

The second I have read but the third in this clever series. This one focuses on church politics (the staff and vestry) and on a hymnal committee taking kickbacks in the throwback mystery. A ghost, a scripture-picking chicken, a traveling evangelist, a cinnamon bun that has an image of the Virgin Mary, a body that has not decayed in 70 years, and the “worst hymn ever”—what’s not to like?

[Ruth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love this series, although the body count does seem a little high for a small town near Boone NC. One of the characters even compares the protagonist to Jessica Fletcher and St. Germaine to Cabot Cove.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, there is a very old but undecayed corpse found inside St. Barnabas' altar, there is a religious chicken picking scriptures, and an ambitious newcomer to the vestry board. All involve Hayden, who is still on a quest for the perfect story. Raymond Chndler helps out.

[Denise · Rating 5 out of 5]

I skipped reading the horrible “Raymond Chandler” parts and the story was fine. No need to read things that have nothing to do with the actual story. This was a good one, complicated and twisty, even if it was obvious who the culprit was from the beginning.

[Mike Nettleton]

I'd call this a whodunit with a side order of deep-fried giggles. Schweizer composed some of the most ludicrous similes known to man and sprinkled them through the story. This and his other liturgical mysteries have become enduring favorites in our household.

[Judith Richardson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love MARK’S books❤️

They are just what I need as a break from my regular diet of scary, gruesome novels
Will for sure read the rest

[Jerry Hicks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hayden has to solve the mystery of a corpse discovered in his church's altar which appears to have been there since the 1930s.

[Timothy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious

[Lori Janusko · Rating 5 out of 5]

Laugh out loud funny

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

Light weight but this series makes me laugh.

[Bob Reed · Rating 4 out of 5]

As with all of the author's books in this series, fun and filled with chuckles.

[Carolyn Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Forget the mystery, forget the police procedure, forget the wacky town and characters. It's all about those amazingly dreadful similes in the mystery within the mystery.

[Karen Wrobel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Continuing silliness from North Carolina. The quality of these books does move around quite a bit. Although funnier than book 1, this is not as good as book 2.

[Becky Galambos · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another funny read from Mark Schweizer. I'm really starting to enjoy the quirky characters in the little town of St. Germaine.

[Ralph · Rating 5 out of 5]

Evidently Raymond Chandler has a sense of humor, because if he did not his ghost would surely slap Hayden Koenig silly. Hayden is a small town chief of police, choral director and organist at a local church, and a wannabe detective novelist who writes all his stories on Raymond Chandler’s typewriter, which he bought at auction. Hayden has proved himself an excellent detective, has an affinity for music no one can challenge, but to say his writing is terrible would be overly charitable. His own girlfriend, who supports him in every other way, thinks he may be the worst writer on the entire planet, and since readers, and the members of his choir, are periodically subjected to Hayden’s efforts it is hard to disagree with her. And then there’s Raymond Chandler’s ghost. No, really. He appears and sometimes speaks to Hayden, though Hayden is the only one who can hear or see him.

There is a well-told and fascinating mystery in this novel, and it manifests itself when a body is discovered in the altar of the church, perfectly preserved despite all indications that he was murdered in 1937. How this frigidly cold case impinges upon the present, involving church politics, bank fraud, a series of malicious pranks, murder, an immaculate confection, and a scripture hen, makes for a interesting, fast-moving and sometimes laugh-out-loud mystery. This is the third book in the series, and the author has been able to maintain both the quality and the hilarity he brought to the first two entries. Not for everyone’s taste, but definitely worth a look for anyone who appreciates humorous mysteries and does not take religion too seriously.

[Judy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the third book in this liturgical mystery series and I'm still loving them. In this outing, Hayden Konig, full-time police chief of St. Germaine, North Carolina (near Boone), part-time Episcopal Choirmaster, and aspiring mystery novelist (of the most lurid prose ever--he's trying to channel Raymond Chandler) is the primary suspect in some mischief and vandalism that is steadily escalating in St. Germaine. To make matters worse, All Saint's Day is approaching when a body is discovered hidden in the church's altar that apparently was placed there during the 1930s, and yet the body is perfectly preserved. What's up with that? And the two bits of icing on the cupcake are 1. the announcement that there will be a puppet ministry introduced into the Sunday worship service, and 2. a newcomer to the community worms his way onto the Vestry and becomes the interim Church Administrator. Chaos, as usual, ensues. A fun read.