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First published December 1, 2013
I get the door. Katie’s standing there, wearing stuff; it looks cute. I don’t know what the stuff is called, but it seems to work.
“I feel like twenty and pregnant is a loss, not something to brag about. I don’t want to make you pregnant, although I wouldn’t mind practicing the effort on you.” I pause. “Shit. Even Lanyon can do better than that.”
“You want to get me pregnant?” she asks.
“No, I want to do all the getting pregnant stuff, but with no kid.” She’s either not getting it or screwing with me. “Sex. As the foreigners say, I want to make the sex with you. Will you make the sex with me?”
“I want to try out a new pickup line on you guys before I say it to her.”
“Fine.” My skin is raging with heat. “What is it?”
“Here it is.” He clears his throat. “You have 243 bones in your body. Want another one?”
“No, Lanyon,” Katie says. “Do not use that.”
“What if I just tell her she has a nice Asimov?”
He has chosen a tasteful t-shirt with which to meet his blind date. Its message is simple and eloquent. It reads: “If you don’t like video games, then your mother is a whore.”
Damage: 77%
"I wish I could pinpoint when Anna's brains imploded. I think it was around the time she had sex."
Damage: 196%
"I'll get raped. You're level twenty-three. I don't even have a character made yet."
"I don't speak girl," he replies.
Damage: 253%
Damage: 287%
Damage: 352%
“Do you have our frequent gamers card?”
“No.”
“Do you want to sign up for our frequent gamers card?”
“No, thank you.”
“Do you want to put ten bucks down on the pre-release of Need for Speed 53?”
“No.”
“Do you want to put money down on any other upcoming titles?”
“No.”
“Do you want to sign up for our email service to notify you of gamer news?”
“No.”
“Do you want to sign up for a subscription to Techtaphonic, our store’s magazine?”
“Good lord, no. Can I just buy the game?”