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The road less traveled
By melding love, science, and religion into a primer on personal growth, M. Scott Peck launched his highly successful writing and lecturing career with this book. Even to this day, Peck remains at the forefront of spiritual psychology as a result of The Road Less Traveled. In the era of I'm OK, You're OK, Peck was courageous enough to suggest that "life is difficult" and personal growth is a "complex, arduous and lifelong task." His willingness to expose his own life stories as well as to share the intimate stories of his anonymous therapy clients creates a compelling and heartfelt narrative.
Unknown Binding
First published January 1, 1978
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About the author
M. Scott Peck
122 books1,673 followersMorgan Scott Peck was an American psychiatrist and best-selling author who wrote the book The Road Less Traveled, published in 1978.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 3,637 reviews
February 7, 2011
It gets four stars for the simple truth of the opening lines:
"Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."
It amazes me how much damage I have done by expecting life to be something other than difficult and how much easier my life is when I accept that it is difficult and that I will be uncomfortable.
"Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."
It amazes me how much damage I have done by expecting life to be something other than difficult and how much easier my life is when I accept that it is difficult and that I will be uncomfortable.
July 30, 2019
The author has delved deep into, with profound insights, on what really causes unhappiness in our life. He asserts that it is precisely in avoiding our problems and hurdles that we suffer in our life; it is the pain and suffering caused by difficulties in life that we have to meet in order to grow mentally and spiritually. We cannot solve life's problems except by solving them.
The following were the key-takeaways:
* LIFE IS DIFFICULT. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.
* Without discipline we can solve nothing. With only some discipline we can solve only some problems. With total discipline we can solve all problems.
* A person who has the ability to delay gratification has the key to psychological maturity, whereas impulsiveness is a mental habit that, in denying opportunities to experience pain, creates neuroses.
* Most large problems we have are the result of not facing up to earlier, smaller problems, of failing to be 'dedicated to the truth'. The great mistake most people make is believing that problems will go away of their own accord.
The following were the key-takeaways:
* LIFE IS DIFFICULT. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.
* Without discipline we can solve nothing. With only some discipline we can solve only some problems. With total discipline we can solve all problems.
* A person who has the ability to delay gratification has the key to psychological maturity, whereas impulsiveness is a mental habit that, in denying opportunities to experience pain, creates neuroses.
* Most large problems we have are the result of not facing up to earlier, smaller problems, of failing to be 'dedicated to the truth'. The great mistake most people make is believing that problems will go away of their own accord.
April 22, 2022
I have this sparkly new massage therapist in my life now, in my new hometown, and the last time I went to her with my aches and pains, she noticed I was reading THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED. She's a young thirtysomething, and she wasn't familiar with the title, but when I explained that it was a famous bestseller from 1978 and probably the most influential book of psychotherapy ever to hit book stores, she took a picture of the cover and said, “I can't believe I don't know this book. I was raised by two psychotherapists.”
Whoa. Curious cat that I am, I immediately needed to know what that was like. I asked her, and she answered something like, “You know. . . far from perfect, but we were always resourced, that's for sure.”
Little did she know that her casual words sent my mind racing, and I was thinking of this term, resourced, for the next couple of weeks.
You see. . . I didn't know that I wasn't resourced until I was in my late 30s and setting out to adopt for the first time. We were already the proud parents of a preteen son, but because we were entering into the legal arena of adoption, we were suddenly required to take parenting classes and be evaluated by a social worker.
It was just an introduction to therapy for me, and a short-lived experience, but I became curious enough about this notion of being resourced to pursue a private therapist of my own a few years back.
I felt like a toddler, entering this world of human and spiritual growth. I still do, for the most part. There's a lot to learn about being human. Hell, there's a whole different language that marks the terrain, and much of it was foreign to me.
Fast forward to the current version of me, reading this “psychology classic” about being resourced, through discipline, love and grace, just as a new person in my life credited her parents for helping her to maintain equilibrium throughout her life, largely by being resourced.
As Dr. Peck writes in his book, “spiritual growth is an effortful and difficult one. This is because it is conducted against a natural resistance, against a natural inclination to keep things the way they were, to cling to the old maps and old ways of doing things, to take the easy path.”
Oh, for shit sure, Dr. Peck, and don't think I haven't kicked, screamed and cried throughout many a session, sir. It's not the easiest thing to realize that you were essentially raised by two eighth graders who would have rather been sitting, perpetually, on their cars in front of the Dairy Queen than parenting you. (We've all got our issues, now, don't we?).
Dr. Peck's ultimate goal for himself and his patients was “spiritual growth,” and by “spiritual growth,” he didn't mean that any of us needed to become a Methodist or a rabbi. This famous psychiatrist was interested, primarily, in our journey of “spiritual evolution.” This is a book about elevating humanity, for your own sake, and for the sake of others.
I would've had no interest in this material in my teens or twenties, when it was the most popular, (and when I thought I had life all figured out). To be honest, I probably wouldn't have had the emotional maturity or the mental bandwidth to read this before the age of 40, but I appreciated it so much now.
The final chapters in the final section on “Grace” are not for everyone, nor will every person who reads this book be prepared to tackle that material. Personally, my thoughts are aligned with these particular concepts, but I can also see that some of that material might be daunting for readers who aren't ready to "go there."
But, regardless of any reader's experience of Dr. Peck's final thoughts, I'd like to contribute that I found myself with more than 30+ status updates for a book of only 311 pages, and my copy is covered with post-it notes. It's a challenging and thoughtful work that is barely dated, despite the material being 45 years old.
This non-fiction work, prompted by my 1970s reading project, has turned out to be one of my most meaningful reads of all time.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost
Whoa. Curious cat that I am, I immediately needed to know what that was like. I asked her, and she answered something like, “You know. . . far from perfect, but we were always resourced, that's for sure.”
Little did she know that her casual words sent my mind racing, and I was thinking of this term, resourced, for the next couple of weeks.
You see. . . I didn't know that I wasn't resourced until I was in my late 30s and setting out to adopt for the first time. We were already the proud parents of a preteen son, but because we were entering into the legal arena of adoption, we were suddenly required to take parenting classes and be evaluated by a social worker.
It was just an introduction to therapy for me, and a short-lived experience, but I became curious enough about this notion of being resourced to pursue a private therapist of my own a few years back.
I felt like a toddler, entering this world of human and spiritual growth. I still do, for the most part. There's a lot to learn about being human. Hell, there's a whole different language that marks the terrain, and much of it was foreign to me.
Fast forward to the current version of me, reading this “psychology classic” about being resourced, through discipline, love and grace, just as a new person in my life credited her parents for helping her to maintain equilibrium throughout her life, largely by being resourced.
As Dr. Peck writes in his book, “spiritual growth is an effortful and difficult one. This is because it is conducted against a natural resistance, against a natural inclination to keep things the way they were, to cling to the old maps and old ways of doing things, to take the easy path.”
Oh, for shit sure, Dr. Peck, and don't think I haven't kicked, screamed and cried throughout many a session, sir. It's not the easiest thing to realize that you were essentially raised by two eighth graders who would have rather been sitting, perpetually, on their cars in front of the Dairy Queen than parenting you. (We've all got our issues, now, don't we?).
Dr. Peck's ultimate goal for himself and his patients was “spiritual growth,” and by “spiritual growth,” he didn't mean that any of us needed to become a Methodist or a rabbi. This famous psychiatrist was interested, primarily, in our journey of “spiritual evolution.” This is a book about elevating humanity, for your own sake, and for the sake of others.
I would've had no interest in this material in my teens or twenties, when it was the most popular, (and when I thought I had life all figured out). To be honest, I probably wouldn't have had the emotional maturity or the mental bandwidth to read this before the age of 40, but I appreciated it so much now.
The final chapters in the final section on “Grace” are not for everyone, nor will every person who reads this book be prepared to tackle that material. Personally, my thoughts are aligned with these particular concepts, but I can also see that some of that material might be daunting for readers who aren't ready to "go there."
But, regardless of any reader's experience of Dr. Peck's final thoughts, I'd like to contribute that I found myself with more than 30+ status updates for a book of only 311 pages, and my copy is covered with post-it notes. It's a challenging and thoughtful work that is barely dated, despite the material being 45 years old.
This non-fiction work, prompted by my 1970s reading project, has turned out to be one of my most meaningful reads of all time.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost
June 29, 2012
An extraordinary book about Life and the art of Living. It was the most complete and indepth book about personal development from which one become much more aware of the nature of all kinds of relationships.
This book will help to shape your vision of Life!
Please, just read it. Your perspective about things will never be the same. Notable, indeed!
This book will help to shape your vision of Life!
Please, just read it. Your perspective about things will never be the same. Notable, indeed!
January 15, 2009
I initially picked up this book because I was told that this author was the inspiration for a women's retreat I went to a couple years ago. However, I found no connection to the theme of the retreat and this book.
Initially I found Peck's theories on discipline appealing. He promoted fundamental ideas of Buddhism, such as life is suffering and only through acceptance of that suffering can we truly live and be free of it. He believes that the pursuit of the truth regardless of the pain involved is fundamental to mental health, and that only through valuing ourselves can we value life and love those around us.
However, while reading examples of cases that Peck has worked on in psychotherapy I felt that his confidence in his prognosis's and what he thought his clients ought to do was rather pretentious. Furthermore as I read I got the suspicion that Peck was rather homophobic or at least that he thought homosexuality was a sign of poor mental health. First of all, in all his discussions on love and relationships not once does he relate his theories in the context of a homosexual relationship. Second he uses examples of actions that his clients took to move toward better mental health including an example of a young homosexual boy summoning the strength to ask a girl out. I was starting to really dislike this author at this point, but it was the next few pages that killed it for me.
Halfway through the book where Peck is saying that love is discipline, he thought it appropriate to use slavery as a metaphor. He states,
"While one should not be slave to one's feelings, self discipline does not mean the squashing of one's feelings into nonexistence. I frequently tell my patients that their feelings are their slaves and that the art of self discipline is like the art of slaving owning"
I can't believe he refers to slave owning as an "art". He continues,
"First of all, one's feelings are the source of one's energy; they provide the horsepower, or slave power, that makes it possible for us to accomplish the task of living. Since they work for us, we should treat them with respect."
It gets worse,
" One type of slave-owner does not discipline his slaves, gives them no structure, sets them no limits, provides them with no direction and does not make it clear whose the boss. What happens, of course, is that in due time his slaves stop working and begin moving into the mansion, raiding the liquor cabinet and breaking the furniture, and soon the slave owner finds he is the slave of his slaves"
Scott Peck author...phycologist...homophobe....racist.....got it. I'm done with this book!
Initially I found Peck's theories on discipline appealing. He promoted fundamental ideas of Buddhism, such as life is suffering and only through acceptance of that suffering can we truly live and be free of it. He believes that the pursuit of the truth regardless of the pain involved is fundamental to mental health, and that only through valuing ourselves can we value life and love those around us.
However, while reading examples of cases that Peck has worked on in psychotherapy I felt that his confidence in his prognosis's and what he thought his clients ought to do was rather pretentious. Furthermore as I read I got the suspicion that Peck was rather homophobic or at least that he thought homosexuality was a sign of poor mental health. First of all, in all his discussions on love and relationships not once does he relate his theories in the context of a homosexual relationship. Second he uses examples of actions that his clients took to move toward better mental health including an example of a young homosexual boy summoning the strength to ask a girl out. I was starting to really dislike this author at this point, but it was the next few pages that killed it for me.
Halfway through the book where Peck is saying that love is discipline, he thought it appropriate to use slavery as a metaphor. He states,
"While one should not be slave to one's feelings, self discipline does not mean the squashing of one's feelings into nonexistence. I frequently tell my patients that their feelings are their slaves and that the art of self discipline is like the art of slaving owning"
I can't believe he refers to slave owning as an "art". He continues,
"First of all, one's feelings are the source of one's energy; they provide the horsepower, or slave power, that makes it possible for us to accomplish the task of living. Since they work for us, we should treat them with respect."
It gets worse,
" One type of slave-owner does not discipline his slaves, gives them no structure, sets them no limits, provides them with no direction and does not make it clear whose the boss. What happens, of course, is that in due time his slaves stop working and begin moving into the mansion, raiding the liquor cabinet and breaking the furniture, and soon the slave owner finds he is the slave of his slaves"
Scott Peck author...phycologist...homophobe....racist.....got it. I'm done with this book!
August 11, 2017
"Dr." Peck's first doorstop. Inexplicably, this sorry waste of time and paper remained on the NYT Bestseller list for something like ten years. (I don't know why I'm surprised, actually -- this is the same country that elected George W. Bush twice, not to mention the vulgar talking yam who now sits in the Oval Office.) If you were unfortunate enough to buy this, or have it given to you as a gift, do yourself a favor now: put this one the shelf right beside that other pop-pseudo-psychology piece of shit Michelle Remembers. Leave them both within spitting distance, and leave room next to them for anything written by "Dr." Fool. Do not open any of them, ever.
July 7, 2010
Probably the most important book on love, psychological and spiritual development that I have ever read. Clear, straightforward, concise, very accessible. Don't be put off by the criticism of the numerous references to "God" and "grace" in the later chapters: I found them useful and "open" (in the sense that "God" might be substituted by "universe", "energy", "oneness" or whatever you might want to call it. There is no need to believe in a deity.) If you do find the reference to concepts of oneness or "God" problematic, just read the first parts and leave the rest for another time. It's well worth it.
September 27, 2008
This book starts out extremely engaging and helpful in nature - worthy of four or five stars. But midway through Peck reveals his psychology of teaching his patients and readers to become like God. While I'm certain he means no malice in this objective, he seems ignorant of negative psychological aspects of this philosophy. Indeed, the book "Toxic Faith" cites "You can become God" as one of the twenty-one Toxic Beliefs of a Toxic Faith (p.98). Having observed the deleterious effect of this belief among the Mormon population I find Peck's thesis professionally reckless regardless of the popularity of his message.
May 13, 2007
This book is by now a classic in the field of psychology. Yet, it's written for a mainstream audience and goes through some of the basic tenets of psychological theory (e.g. attachment, individuation, boundaries, delayed gratification) but does so through the lense of spiritual growth. Peck is an excellent writer and fine therapist who is sensitive to the issues of spirituality. The case examples and stories in the book really bring his concepts and ideas together. This is a book that I would recommend to therapy clients who are wanting to understand how their religious beliefs are inline with the goals of psychotherapy.
September 20, 2020
The Timeless Game of Problems
"What comes to break you was sent to make you."
Problems belong to mankind since Adam and Eve. They stick to us as invisible organs and have no intention to leave. Like brain ticks, they keep pestering our lives infecting our peace!
But where would we be without our hideous tedious problems?! Aren’t they the indispensable tools that lead us straight to the core of our potential?! The alarm-Clocks of our dormant abilities?!
So why don’t we gratefully embrace them instead of thoroughly hate them?!
Shouldn’t we welcome our precious obnoxious problems with a happy smile instead of a disgusted sneer?!
At its core problems are a challenge — an endless game we shall be playing till death takes us apart...
Dealing with problems in a positive way would make a hell of a difference in human lives!
That’s why we should all read this book — it will turn us into much better problem solvers😊👍
In a sense, problems can be compared to diamonds — they both last forever!
So if you like diamonds, you can also like problems! 😉
All being said, the best end I found to this review was a chorus of a quite famous tune we all know about:
Problems are forever, forever, forever...🎶🎵🎶
Or alternately:
I can’t liiiiiivvvveeeee, if living is without them...🎶🎵🎶
"What comes to break you was sent to make you."
Problems belong to mankind since Adam and Eve. They stick to us as invisible organs and have no intention to leave. Like brain ticks, they keep pestering our lives infecting our peace!
But where would we be without our hideous tedious problems?! Aren’t they the indispensable tools that lead us straight to the core of our potential?! The alarm-Clocks of our dormant abilities?!
So why don’t we gratefully embrace them instead of thoroughly hate them?!
Shouldn’t we welcome our precious obnoxious problems with a happy smile instead of a disgusted sneer?!
At its core problems are a challenge — an endless game we shall be playing till death takes us apart...
Dealing with problems in a positive way would make a hell of a difference in human lives!
That’s why we should all read this book — it will turn us into much better problem solvers😊👍
In a sense, problems can be compared to diamonds — they both last forever!
So if you like diamonds, you can also like problems! 😉
All being said, the best end I found to this review was a chorus of a quite famous tune we all know about:
Problems are forever, forever, forever...🎶🎵🎶
Or alternately:
I can’t liiiiiivvvveeeee, if living is without them...🎶🎵🎶
March 4, 2016
The author endeared me early on to his obvious skill, professionalism and empathy with his patients. The first part was fairly entertaining, with the right amount of insight and entertainment from Peck's own therapy sessions. I could identify with the people and situations and could pause at times for self reflection. There was a challenge to personal change as Peck built his case for seeking maturity and using therapy to achieve that end.
Peck is strongest as a therapist. His insight is keen, and his deductive/intuitive approach makes sense. But he's also rather ambitious. The middle section attempted to tie a loose story into a cohesive thesis on what Peck personally believed ought to happen in life. It went from being passive-objective to prescriptive-subjective. Eventually he was stretching into subjects somewhat beyond his grasp.
His forays into philosophy, theology and neuroscience didn't lend much credibility to his arguments. The final part of the book was clumsy, contradictory and seemed somewhat outdated. The chapter on synchronocity/serendipity was particularly trudgeworthy. He dragged psychology out of science and into mysticism. Which is fine if you're a fan of Oprah and Chopra. I'm not.
My journey down the Road Less Travelled started out on a sunny day with a compass and small, promising path. It ended with me being dragged down a dark alley-way by a man with a white stick.
Peck is strongest as a therapist. His insight is keen, and his deductive/intuitive approach makes sense. But he's also rather ambitious. The middle section attempted to tie a loose story into a cohesive thesis on what Peck personally believed ought to happen in life. It went from being passive-objective to prescriptive-subjective. Eventually he was stretching into subjects somewhat beyond his grasp.
His forays into philosophy, theology and neuroscience didn't lend much credibility to his arguments. The final part of the book was clumsy, contradictory and seemed somewhat outdated. The chapter on synchronocity/serendipity was particularly trudgeworthy. He dragged psychology out of science and into mysticism. Which is fine if you're a fan of Oprah and Chopra. I'm not.
My journey down the Road Less Travelled started out on a sunny day with a compass and small, promising path. It ended with me being dragged down a dark alley-way by a man with a white stick.
September 6, 2012
This book is second only to the bible to me. It teaches you what love is. What love is not. Why old fashioned values like honesty, hard work, discipline and integrity are important. Every person should read it. This book should be required reading in high school or college.
December 11, 2014
Initially, I was intrigued and really enjoyed this book. Then I got to the Grace section. It all went downhill from there, and quickly. It seems very jumbled as to the actual point of this book until the Grace section where Peck goes wacko with the God talk. Even for a Christian or person of faith, I would imagine that his ideas are far out there. As an atheist, I was dumbfounded by the abrupt bullshit and disappointed that a book with such potential came to a screeching halt. I have never not finished a book, but I couldn't force myself to read the last 30 pages. This book went from great to absolutely terrible in about 2.5 seconds. Until the utter nonsense came along, I would have given this book 4-5 stars. I would give the last section negative stars if I could. Talk about a roller coaster ending in disaster.
August 21, 2007
A very insightful book authored by a psychologist/psychiatrist who reveals the secrets to fulfilling, healthy, meaningful and lasting relationships. It really makes you see yourself and others in a different light, as well as words and concepts we think we understand. His hallmark argument is that we so often view love as a noun instead of a verb... as something that just happens to us or doesn't happen to us, instead of an ongoing task we must work at...that work, that action-is love. In fact, something I clearly remember is his point that when people feel as though they've "fallen out of love", it is then that the opportunity for true love to grow is at its greatest. Not at all written in a preachy, self-help sort of way. It's very interesting, full of a lot of great anecdotes.
November 7, 2021
A little foreword from me before I begin reviewing this book:
During my post-graduation years, I had the priviledge of working with a madam who used to tell us, “If your slit lamp (used for eye examination) stops working, my verdict will remain the same, ‘I will need all patients worked up by 1:30 p.m. sharp. I don’t care HOW you will go about making that happen but that I will have no other result.’”
Sounds bossy? Actually, on the contrary, it served us more than otherwise (Thank you Sushmita ma’am). This do-or-die attitude of hers had served to strip us off the small excusal ways of being most of us are wont to endorse at the drop of a hat. In a matter of days of working with her, our entire way of being had altered from a problem-oriented mindset into a solution-oriented mindset. If things went out of our hands, we clamoured like crazy to flip past options available to us, selecting whichever best dissolved the issue away. If none worked, we improvised.
(Foreword over)
This (as stated above) is the same attitude the author, M. Scott Peck urges us to make use of when dealing with life. He says,
Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them? Do we want to teach our children to solve them?
I won’t beat around the bush and leap into footnotes that are of relevance here. First, on the flaws of authoritarian parenting (Gosh! It is so so flawed!) I would say:
(I’ll combine my thoughts and the author's thoughts to help extend the messages that so many adults in the world need to hear)....apologies for the sarcasm that I will bring along but they are GROSSLY essential here!
Author’s voice—> The feeling of being valuable— ‘I am valuable person’- is essential to mental health and is a cornerstone of self-discipline, which is a direct product of parental love.
My thoughts——> Most homes I have personally come by (in India) have revealed corporal punishment as the mode of disciplining someone.
Hah! How deluded such homes are! Tch! Tch! Raising broken individuals and releasing them into the world, adding to the depression bank of the world!
Author’s voice—> The only way healthy-minded individuals (ones who value their time, are disciplined and delay gratification) could be sent out into the world is by first ushering them with parental love. If that isn’t secured, the rest cannot follow.
Hence, if authoritarian language or a demeaning tone of voice is used while speaking to the child, how would that serve to foster him with the feeling of goodness he would need for maturity to come about?
My remark—“Makers of men, creators of leaders, be careful what kind of leaders you are producing here!”
(Line borrowed from “Scent of a Woman,” very appropriate in salutation of the author’s message)
So I feel that this is a novel every human who wishes to have a family someday must read. A child isn’t someone you yank into existence over ruling prejudices (“You have to marry by 30 and have a child” ) or out of a bucket-list selection.
A child is a spirit if you will, and given the time and contemplation, I reckon every parent is bound to come to recognise monumental responsibility that one naturally begins to adhere to in understanding who it is she or he has conceived. The problem is so many never grant themselves that moment of contemplation (ever!)
This book helped me understand love/ relationships and romance in a way no book has ever conveyed to me before
What is popularly considered as love (and very wrongly so), the author observes, is the jolt of fancy that blinds one when he impresses another. While a large chunk of the world, including songs and movies endorse this concept, it really has absolutely nothing to do with what a person really is after, which is a complete dissolution of the self when loving someone, whereby the ego is constantly left behind in interactions/exchanges with the person.
What I understood from the author’s language is this—>Love is forevermore just one thing, and that is personal expansion, where you are no longer this puny small “me-right-here” version of yourself but an ever-expanding piece of existence. For only when you expand yourself can you include another as a part of your own self. Once you include another as part of your own self, there is only one way to be—> devotion/ putting their needs before your own (not alongside). Think about it——there really is no other way to be when expansion happens! : )
My additional word here—>The degree of deflection from this truth some communities endorse here is way shocking——coercing individuals to marry against their will. The message one is supposed to mutter from then on (many of my friends will know where these words are coming from : D), “Marry first then love with follow” (I wonder what degree of reversal-charge must such a belief carry for dreamers that wish the Earth spun from East to West?! Huge! *holds-her-chin-and-thinks-deeply*)
So, jokes apart, it’s really sad that more than half of the people in the world are floundering in their relationships. What good it would have done them to have read a book like this first! You don’t love to get, you love to expand and include that ‘other’ as ‘yourself.’ : )
More insights on ‘Love’ as stated by the author….
“Genuine love, on the other hand, implies commitment and the exercise of wisdom.”
“True love is not a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. It is a committed, thoughtful decision.”
I have never spent so much time writing a review on ‘Love,’ but the urge to do so arrived after reading this book. The author wrote many chapters on the topic of ‘Love,’ which, if you read would start revealing to you that you can only be truly loving if you prioritise the value of the other person above all else (even beyond your own possessions and honour). Never losing sight of the value that exists in the life of another automatically makes one prioritise the importance of good behaviour no matter what the situation at hand demands. In a sub-chapter on the umbrella heading of ‘Love,’ the author speaks of the art of loving confrontation (because there will often be times when one maybe correct in a situation while the significant other will be wrong in the decision-making). In realising the value of the other person in such a situation, one never assumes a position of a pedestal while speaking to him or her and communicates with utmost care the reasons for which he or she (person ‘A’ say) thinks that it would be wise in that moment of their lives to act in accordance with his/her word (and not the word hailing from the significant other, person ‘B’ say)
Beautiful! I feel very proud having read this book!
What’s more, and one comes to recognise this as one continues reading, is that love does not and will never naturally happen. It is in keeping continuous check with the leaps of ego that continues to want to poke its nose, that one genuinely comes to impart the highest form of love, the kind that doesn’t mind being invisible, obscure, and wholly inclusive of the other’s needs and making them one’s own.
There are a total of 14 chapters on ‘Love,’ and an enormous weightage has been lent on unraveling the myth of 'romantic love.' : )
It’s a myth, folks! The more one reads this book, the more one recognises that what really is love is, is disciplined. (And naturally so : ) )
To keep this review from lengthening too much, I would just like to say that ultimately the author stresses on the importance of utilising every single experience of one’s own life to evolve into higher consciousness and this includes ‘love’ and ‘creative pursuits.’ That is, not using anything for the expansion of the ego but for the ultimate expansion into infinite consciousness.
Every creative pursuit must serve to stretch one into the higher echelons of who they are. It ought to be a stepping stone for that. Feeling all bloated and full of oneself is the exact opposite : )
Reminds me of a line by Lao Tzu— “When the work is done, it is forgotten, that is why it lasts forever.”
Amongst every book that I have read in my life, this is definitely one I am very grateful for! : ) What a teacher this book has been!
During my post-graduation years, I had the priviledge of working with a madam who used to tell us, “If your slit lamp (used for eye examination) stops working, my verdict will remain the same, ‘I will need all patients worked up by 1:30 p.m. sharp. I don’t care HOW you will go about making that happen but that I will have no other result.’”
Sounds bossy? Actually, on the contrary, it served us more than otherwise (Thank you Sushmita ma’am). This do-or-die attitude of hers had served to strip us off the small excusal ways of being most of us are wont to endorse at the drop of a hat. In a matter of days of working with her, our entire way of being had altered from a problem-oriented mindset into a solution-oriented mindset. If things went out of our hands, we clamoured like crazy to flip past options available to us, selecting whichever best dissolved the issue away. If none worked, we improvised.
(Foreword over)
This (as stated above) is the same attitude the author, M. Scott Peck urges us to make use of when dealing with life. He says,
Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them? Do we want to teach our children to solve them?
I won’t beat around the bush and leap into footnotes that are of relevance here. First, on the flaws of authoritarian parenting (Gosh! It is so so flawed!) I would say:
(I’ll combine my thoughts and the author's thoughts to help extend the messages that so many adults in the world need to hear)....apologies for the sarcasm that I will bring along but they are GROSSLY essential here!
Author’s voice—> The feeling of being valuable— ‘I am valuable person’- is essential to mental health and is a cornerstone of self-discipline, which is a direct product of parental love.
My thoughts——> Most homes I have personally come by (in India) have revealed corporal punishment as the mode of disciplining someone.
Hah! How deluded such homes are! Tch! Tch! Raising broken individuals and releasing them into the world, adding to the depression bank of the world!
Author’s voice—> The only way healthy-minded individuals (ones who value their time, are disciplined and delay gratification) could be sent out into the world is by first ushering them with parental love. If that isn’t secured, the rest cannot follow.
Hence, if authoritarian language or a demeaning tone of voice is used while speaking to the child, how would that serve to foster him with the feeling of goodness he would need for maturity to come about?
My remark—“Makers of men, creators of leaders, be careful what kind of leaders you are producing here!”
(Line borrowed from “Scent of a Woman,” very appropriate in salutation of the author’s message)
So I feel that this is a novel every human who wishes to have a family someday must read. A child isn’t someone you yank into existence over ruling prejudices (“You have to marry by 30 and have a child” ) or out of a bucket-list selection.
A child is a spirit if you will, and given the time and contemplation, I reckon every parent is bound to come to recognise monumental responsibility that one naturally begins to adhere to in understanding who it is she or he has conceived. The problem is so many never grant themselves that moment of contemplation (ever!)
This book helped me understand love/ relationships and romance in a way no book has ever conveyed to me before
What is popularly considered as love (and very wrongly so), the author observes, is the jolt of fancy that blinds one when he impresses another. While a large chunk of the world, including songs and movies endorse this concept, it really has absolutely nothing to do with what a person really is after, which is a complete dissolution of the self when loving someone, whereby the ego is constantly left behind in interactions/exchanges with the person.
What I understood from the author’s language is this—>Love is forevermore just one thing, and that is personal expansion, where you are no longer this puny small “me-right-here” version of yourself but an ever-expanding piece of existence. For only when you expand yourself can you include another as a part of your own self. Once you include another as part of your own self, there is only one way to be—> devotion/ putting their needs before your own (not alongside). Think about it——there really is no other way to be when expansion happens! : )
My additional word here—>The degree of deflection from this truth some communities endorse here is way shocking——coercing individuals to marry against their will. The message one is supposed to mutter from then on (many of my friends will know where these words are coming from : D), “Marry first then love with follow” (I wonder what degree of reversal-charge must such a belief carry for dreamers that wish the Earth spun from East to West?! Huge! *holds-her-chin-and-thinks-deeply*)
So, jokes apart, it’s really sad that more than half of the people in the world are floundering in their relationships. What good it would have done them to have read a book like this first! You don’t love to get, you love to expand and include that ‘other’ as ‘yourself.’ : )
More insights on ‘Love’ as stated by the author….
“Genuine love, on the other hand, implies commitment and the exercise of wisdom.”
“True love is not a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. It is a committed, thoughtful decision.”
I have never spent so much time writing a review on ‘Love,’ but the urge to do so arrived after reading this book. The author wrote many chapters on the topic of ‘Love,’ which, if you read would start revealing to you that you can only be truly loving if you prioritise the value of the other person above all else (even beyond your own possessions and honour). Never losing sight of the value that exists in the life of another automatically makes one prioritise the importance of good behaviour no matter what the situation at hand demands. In a sub-chapter on the umbrella heading of ‘Love,’ the author speaks of the art of loving confrontation (because there will often be times when one maybe correct in a situation while the significant other will be wrong in the decision-making). In realising the value of the other person in such a situation, one never assumes a position of a pedestal while speaking to him or her and communicates with utmost care the reasons for which he or she (person ‘A’ say) thinks that it would be wise in that moment of their lives to act in accordance with his/her word (and not the word hailing from the significant other, person ‘B’ say)
Beautiful! I feel very proud having read this book!
What’s more, and one comes to recognise this as one continues reading, is that love does not and will never naturally happen. It is in keeping continuous check with the leaps of ego that continues to want to poke its nose, that one genuinely comes to impart the highest form of love, the kind that doesn’t mind being invisible, obscure, and wholly inclusive of the other’s needs and making them one’s own.
There are a total of 14 chapters on ‘Love,’ and an enormous weightage has been lent on unraveling the myth of 'romantic love.' : )
It’s a myth, folks! The more one reads this book, the more one recognises that what really is love is, is disciplined. (And naturally so : ) )
To keep this review from lengthening too much, I would just like to say that ultimately the author stresses on the importance of utilising every single experience of one’s own life to evolve into higher consciousness and this includes ‘love’ and ‘creative pursuits.’ That is, not using anything for the expansion of the ego but for the ultimate expansion into infinite consciousness.
Every creative pursuit must serve to stretch one into the higher echelons of who they are. It ought to be a stepping stone for that. Feeling all bloated and full of oneself is the exact opposite : )
Reminds me of a line by Lao Tzu— “When the work is done, it is forgotten, that is why it lasts forever.”
Amongst every book that I have read in my life, this is definitely one I am very grateful for! : ) What a teacher this book has been!
July 21, 2022
Knyga mums primena, kad dauguma gyvenimo problemų yra išsprendžiamos, jei tik tam skiriame pakankamai dėmesio ir laiko.
„…bet kuris kitas žmogus, jei jis nėra protiškai atsilikęs, gali išspręsti visas problemas, jei bus pasirengęs skirti tam laiko.
Mes negalime išspręsti gyvenimo problemų jų nespręsdami.
Pagrindinis psichoterapijos tikslas yra stengtis padėti klientams susivokti arba padaryti lankstesnę jų reagavimo sistemą.
Geriausius sprendimus daro tas, kuris labiausiai pasiruošęs kentėti dėl savo sprendimo, bet vis dėlto išlaiko gebėjimą daryti sprendimus. Gebėjimas kentėti yra vienas, ir turbūt aukščiausias, asmenybės stiprumo rodiklių. Bet stiprieji taip pat kupini džiaugsmo. Taigi čia ir yra paradoksas. Budos sekėjai linkę ignoruoti Budos kančias, o Kristaus sekėjai linkę pamiršti Kristaus džiaugsmą.
Savidrausmė …yra dvasinio vystymosi būdas.
…tikroji meilė dažnai atsiranda, kai paties meilės jausmo nėra, bet mes veikiame su meile, nepaisydami to fakto, kad nesijaučiame mylintys.“
„…bet kuris kitas žmogus, jei jis nėra protiškai atsilikęs, gali išspręsti visas problemas, jei bus pasirengęs skirti tam laiko.
Mes negalime išspręsti gyvenimo problemų jų nespręsdami.
Pagrindinis psichoterapijos tikslas yra stengtis padėti klientams susivokti arba padaryti lankstesnę jų reagavimo sistemą.
Geriausius sprendimus daro tas, kuris labiausiai pasiruošęs kentėti dėl savo sprendimo, bet vis dėlto išlaiko gebėjimą daryti sprendimus. Gebėjimas kentėti yra vienas, ir turbūt aukščiausias, asmenybės stiprumo rodiklių. Bet stiprieji taip pat kupini džiaugsmo. Taigi čia ir yra paradoksas. Budos sekėjai linkę ignoruoti Budos kančias, o Kristaus sekėjai linkę pamiršti Kristaus džiaugsmą.
Savidrausmė …yra dvasinio vystymosi būdas.
…tikroji meilė dažnai atsiranda, kai paties meilės jausmo nėra, bet mes veikiame su meile, nepaisydami to fakto, kad nesijaučiame mylintys.“
January 10, 2008
I read this book to make my mom happy. Her church book group was reading it, and she got all stoked about it after reading the first section. It was a fairly bland combination of basic common sense (self-discipline is good, laziness is bad), pseudo-spiritual psychobabble (your unconscious mind is God!), and the occasional moral zinger (open marriage is the only real form of marriage). Overall, I was unimpressed, but I wasn't begging the Lord for the 6 hours of my life back, either. I never even asked my mom what she thought of the book after the first part. I suppose that would be a good thing to do. I love my mom.
December 26, 2020
DNF @ Pg 223 (70%)
Maybe I'll come back to it later but it's just really dragging for me and I can't be bothered any more!
I thought it would be wise, inspirational, mind-blowing ... it's not. It's interesting in places, but otherwise it just seems ... obvious?
The title is pretty misleading, because this seemed more about how everyone is messed up? Like, what road are you referring to exactly and who is travelling it? I am confused.
The subtitle suggests this is THE 'classic work on relationships, spiritual growth and life's meaning', but I disagree. I have read better.
This book spends 170 pages discussing the nature of love and how it is the core of everything we do. I mostly agree with that sentiment but I was bored after the first 100 pages of it. It's just repetitive and it's more information you just observe rather than do anything with. Essentially, it talks about how our relationships in childhood (predominantly with our parents) can set us up for all kinds of psychological disorders. Which is fascinating to a degree but it's not like we can go back and re-do our childhoods. The only way to fix these issues is therapy, apparently. I'm not anti-therapy at all, but the message got a bit wearying after a while.
So then I skipped from pg 108 straight to the 'Growth and Religion' section which was, again, interesting, but not exactly anything life-altering. It talks about how everyone has religion, even if your religion is having no religion. I was interested in the relationship between religion and science, but this was more interested in case studies and showing that god exists even when he doesn't. So I found myself skimming again.
By the time I'd skimmed my way to the section titled, 'Grace', I was done.
Nothing about this book is mind-blowing. It's interesting in places, sure, but it's not just the inspirational book I had hoped it would be. The psychology does interest me so I may return to it, but when I was expecting more this just ended up being a disappointing chore to read.
Maybe I'll come back to it later but it's just really dragging for me and I can't be bothered any more!
I thought it would be wise, inspirational, mind-blowing ... it's not. It's interesting in places, but otherwise it just seems ... obvious?
The title is pretty misleading, because this seemed more about how everyone is messed up? Like, what road are you referring to exactly and who is travelling it? I am confused.
The subtitle suggests this is THE 'classic work on relationships, spiritual growth and life's meaning', but I disagree. I have read better.
This book spends 170 pages discussing the nature of love and how it is the core of everything we do. I mostly agree with that sentiment but I was bored after the first 100 pages of it. It's just repetitive and it's more information you just observe rather than do anything with. Essentially, it talks about how our relationships in childhood (predominantly with our parents) can set us up for all kinds of psychological disorders. Which is fascinating to a degree but it's not like we can go back and re-do our childhoods. The only way to fix these issues is therapy, apparently. I'm not anti-therapy at all, but the message got a bit wearying after a while.
So then I skipped from pg 108 straight to the 'Growth and Religion' section which was, again, interesting, but not exactly anything life-altering. It talks about how everyone has religion, even if your religion is having no religion. I was interested in the relationship between religion and science, but this was more interested in case studies and showing that god exists even when he doesn't. So I found myself skimming again.
By the time I'd skimmed my way to the section titled, 'Grace', I was done.
Nothing about this book is mind-blowing. It's interesting in places, sure, but it's not just the inspirational book I had hoped it would be. The psychology does interest me so I may return to it, but when I was expecting more this just ended up being a disappointing chore to read.
April 17, 2008
I cherish this book and give praise to Scott Peck for writing this masterpiece, a wealth of knowledge and wisdom.
The first time I read it I was in my early 30's. It changed my life, encouraged me to live authentically and with courage. when your raising a family one needs to follow their conscience and make tough decisions. Peck teaches and encourages this process. I have followed up with Peck's subsequent books in the last few years.
I recomend this to any adult searching for a better life but particularly if your raising a family.
The first time I read it I was in my early 30's. It changed my life, encouraged me to live authentically and with courage. when your raising a family one needs to follow their conscience and make tough decisions. Peck teaches and encourages this process. I have followed up with Peck's subsequent books in the last few years.
I recomend this to any adult searching for a better life but particularly if your raising a family.
December 22, 2011
Peck begins well, citing the first of Buddhism's Four Noble Truths, "Life is Suffering". And what we all need is a discipline instilled in our childhood by a love which teaches us to face our problems instead of ducking them in procrastination, denial, and the like. Sounds fine, but there seems to this reader to be something missing....a mythic element, perhaps. Life will be beautiful if only we get ourselves under control and work hard, etcetera, etcetera.... It feels to me as if all wonder has been replaced by a kind of Victorian stoicism, a Protestant ethic of duty and responsibility....Do your homework BEFORE you watch TV, for example. This is maturity, getting rid of the misery first before your play.... But what of the math geek who loves homework ? The great arc of Peck's undertaking, what he calls more than once "the only way to live" seems after a while to devolve into the same shoulder-to-the-wheel Volga boatman's creed delivered in kind language that all our teachers back in the Eisenhower 50's kept hammering us with. What about dreams, Mr. Peck ? What of the libido ? It may be the screwball Celt in me that fears coming to the end of my life with all my homework done but with, Starry Night, say, unpainted.
September 1, 2024
3.75
Đọc lại lần 02 vào 2024 sau 6 năm. Vẫn thấy sách có nhiều góc nhìn hay về tình yêu, sự trưởng thành. Nhưng cũng thấy được nhiều vấn đề về lập luận, cách giải quyết vấn đề.
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Cuốn này được dịch ra tiếng Việt là con đường chẳng mấy ai đi vào năm 2004, một cuốn sach hay và tuyệt vời đến thế nhưng mình lại không hề biết tới sự xuất hiện của nó. 11 năm liền nằm trong bestseller của new york time.
Nếu bạn là một người yêu thích lĩnh vực tâm lí học, không nên bỏ qua cuốn sách này. Đây là cuốn sách đưa ra rất nhiều quan điểm và phân tích hay để bạn giúp bạn trưởng thành về mặt tâm trí, tinh thần và cả trong tình yêu nữa.
Đọc xong cuốn này mình tin là các bạn sẽ bớt ham muốn, bớt thích những thứ hào nhoáng xa hoa mà sẽ tập trung vào những gì cốt lõi nhất, đó là tình yêu chứ không phải sự ràng buộc, đó là học cách yêu chứ không phải phụ thuộc vào người yêu của mình. Bạn cũng sẽ hiểu rằng chịu trách nhiệm cho cuộc sống của chính mình, và duy trì trạng thái cuộc sống cân bằng là những điều vô giá để vượt qua được những thử thách lớn trong cuộc sống
Ngoài ra, cuốn sách rất thích hợp với những bạn có sự quan tâm đến sự phát triển về tinh thần và con đường tâm linh. Một cuốn sách hay và rất đáng đọc, tiếc là nó đã chìm nghỉm ở VN mất rồi.
Mình viết review những cuốn sách khác tại blog nhỏ này http://ahapyman.com
Đọc lại lần 02 vào 2024 sau 6 năm. Vẫn thấy sách có nhiều góc nhìn hay về tình yêu, sự trưởng thành. Nhưng cũng thấy được nhiều vấn đề về lập luận, cách giải quyết vấn đề.
----
Cuốn này được dịch ra tiếng Việt là con đường chẳng mấy ai đi vào năm 2004, một cuốn sach hay và tuyệt vời đến thế nhưng mình lại không hề biết tới sự xuất hiện của nó. 11 năm liền nằm trong bestseller của new york time.
Nếu bạn là một người yêu thích lĩnh vực tâm lí học, không nên bỏ qua cuốn sách này. Đây là cuốn sách đưa ra rất nhiều quan điểm và phân tích hay để bạn giúp bạn trưởng thành về mặt tâm trí, tinh thần và cả trong tình yêu nữa.
Đọc xong cuốn này mình tin là các bạn sẽ bớt ham muốn, bớt thích những thứ hào nhoáng xa hoa mà sẽ tập trung vào những gì cốt lõi nhất, đó là tình yêu chứ không phải sự ràng buộc, đó là học cách yêu chứ không phải phụ thuộc vào người yêu của mình. Bạn cũng sẽ hiểu rằng chịu trách nhiệm cho cuộc sống của chính mình, và duy trì trạng thái cuộc sống cân bằng là những điều vô giá để vượt qua được những thử thách lớn trong cuộc sống
Ngoài ra, cuốn sách rất thích hợp với những bạn có sự quan tâm đến sự phát triển về tinh thần và con đường tâm linh. Một cuốn sách hay và rất đáng đọc, tiếc là nó đã chìm nghỉm ở VN mất rồi.
Mình viết review những cuốn sách khác tại blog nhỏ này http://ahapyman.com
February 16, 2019
"Uma nova psicologia do amor, dos valores tradicionais e do desenvolvimento espiritual" é o que Scott
Peck nos promete neste livro, e agora que cheguei ao fim, pode-se dizer que a promessa foi cumprida.
Não é um livro fácil, pois mexe em muitos dos nossos paradigmas e preconceitos. Mas é um bom livro, que nos leva a um auto-conhecimento na nossa luta pela vida, para a qual muitos de nós não estão preparados. Fiquei a saber muito mais sobre mim e sobre o mundo que me cerca, de uma maneira não evasiva, mas muito expressiva. Gostei muito e recomendo a que se interessa sobre estes assuntos.
Se os seus interesses não vão além do que lhe é consciente, então não leia este livro.
Peck nos promete neste livro, e agora que cheguei ao fim, pode-se dizer que a promessa foi cumprida.
Não é um livro fácil, pois mexe em muitos dos nossos paradigmas e preconceitos. Mas é um bom livro, que nos leva a um auto-conhecimento na nossa luta pela vida, para a qual muitos de nós não estão preparados. Fiquei a saber muito mais sobre mim e sobre o mundo que me cerca, de uma maneira não evasiva, mas muito expressiva. Gostei muito e recomendo a que se interessa sobre estes assuntos.
Se os seus interesses não vão além do que lhe é consciente, então não leia este livro.
May 11, 2019
I started this book 2 months ago, which is a long time according to my standards, however, I don't regret it one bit.
The road less travelled is about spiritual growth, and how very few of us actually venture and take the leap of faith in that direction.
The first chapter defines discipline as "a system of techniques of dealing constructively with the pain of problem-solving -instead of avoiding that pain- in such a way that all of life's problems can be solved". It attributes our lack of discipline to inadequate parenting and the lack of the feeling valued by our parents. Then it explains 4 methods to solve this issue, which are: delaying gratification, assuming responsibilty, dedication to reality, and balancing. With some insight on neurosis, character disorders, when to withhold truth, the healthiness of depression and how it signals that a major change should be made in our maps.
The 2nd chapter "love" reveals that falling in love is not real love, and that eventually people fall out of love. That is because real love is an action, a commitment to the spiritual growth of oneself and of others. It also explains that dependency, cathexis and self-sacrifice are all mistaken for genuine love, which should be disciplined and promoting of separateness and independence.
The 3rd chapter starts by stating that everyone has a religion; "everyone has some understanding -some world view, no matter how limited or primitive or inaccurate". It also narrates 3 different cases that demonstrate how people can grow into religion or out of it.
The 4th chapter is about grace. It explains that serendipity is the gift of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for, and that grace is "the powerful force originating outside of human consciousness which nurtures the spiritual growth of human beings". While I find myself unable to believe in grace or that the aim of spiritual growth is to become one with God, I was glad to learn of the force of entropy represented in our laziness "which is the lack of love", and that evil is real; "there really are people, and institutions made up of people, who respond with hatred in the presence of goodness and would destroy the good insofar as it is in their power to do so. They do this not with conscious malice but blindly, lacking awareness of their own evil-indeed, seeking to avoid any such awareness". This part was particulary terrifying; because that's what I believe in.
It ends by encouraging us to be open to grace, to welcome it whenever it comes, to prepare ourselves by becoming disciplined, wholly loving individuals, but to not actively seek it. "The awareness of the existence of grace can be of considerable assistance to those who have chosen to travel the difficult path of spiritual growth. For this awareness will facilitate their journey in at least three ways: it will help them to take advantage of grace along the way; it will give them a surer sense of direction; and it will provide encouragement."
I was not particulary impressed by this part about grace since I don't know whether I believe in it. However, as I take further steps along this road, I am sure that I will find an answer that satisfies me.
All in all, this book has changed my life in some subtle ways, it taught me that most of the time we don't "really" listen, and that in order to do so we must make a commitment and give our full attention even if what is being said bored the hell out of us. Caring is just that.
It also taught me to take full responsibilty of whatever happens to me, not to blame society or family or fate, and that to express anger one should think and reflect upon the best way to do that, not to head on blindly in the heat of the moment; because our emotions are our slaves, not the other way around...and some balance need be established between them and their masters "us".
It also taught me that we're all lazy to some degree, we don't want to live a life in constant thinking and reflection, yet this is the only way to grow. We all choose the easy way out, refusing to take responsibilty or to change our opinions and behaviours, yet this leads to a conflict between the conscious mind and the unconscious "who realizes that change must happen".
It also taught me that life is full of pain, and that trying to avoid that pain is never successful. It is only by facing it head on, by listening to our unconscious minds and adjusting our maps of reality and by actively extending ourselves to help nurture others, and consequently ourselves, do we take steps on the road less travelled, the road to spiritual growth.
Looking forward to reading other M. Scott Peck books! :'D
The road less travelled is about spiritual growth, and how very few of us actually venture and take the leap of faith in that direction.
The first chapter defines discipline as "a system of techniques of dealing constructively with the pain of problem-solving -instead of avoiding that pain- in such a way that all of life's problems can be solved". It attributes our lack of discipline to inadequate parenting and the lack of the feeling valued by our parents. Then it explains 4 methods to solve this issue, which are: delaying gratification, assuming responsibilty, dedication to reality, and balancing. With some insight on neurosis, character disorders, when to withhold truth, the healthiness of depression and how it signals that a major change should be made in our maps.
The 2nd chapter "love" reveals that falling in love is not real love, and that eventually people fall out of love. That is because real love is an action, a commitment to the spiritual growth of oneself and of others. It also explains that dependency, cathexis and self-sacrifice are all mistaken for genuine love, which should be disciplined and promoting of separateness and independence.
The 3rd chapter starts by stating that everyone has a religion; "everyone has some understanding -some world view, no matter how limited or primitive or inaccurate". It also narrates 3 different cases that demonstrate how people can grow into religion or out of it.
The 4th chapter is about grace. It explains that serendipity is the gift of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for, and that grace is "the powerful force originating outside of human consciousness which nurtures the spiritual growth of human beings". While I find myself unable to believe in grace or that the aim of spiritual growth is to become one with God, I was glad to learn of the force of entropy represented in our laziness "which is the lack of love", and that evil is real; "there really are people, and institutions made up of people, who respond with hatred in the presence of goodness and would destroy the good insofar as it is in their power to do so. They do this not with conscious malice but blindly, lacking awareness of their own evil-indeed, seeking to avoid any such awareness". This part was particulary terrifying; because that's what I believe in.
It ends by encouraging us to be open to grace, to welcome it whenever it comes, to prepare ourselves by becoming disciplined, wholly loving individuals, but to not actively seek it. "The awareness of the existence of grace can be of considerable assistance to those who have chosen to travel the difficult path of spiritual growth. For this awareness will facilitate their journey in at least three ways: it will help them to take advantage of grace along the way; it will give them a surer sense of direction; and it will provide encouragement."
I was not particulary impressed by this part about grace since I don't know whether I believe in it. However, as I take further steps along this road, I am sure that I will find an answer that satisfies me.
All in all, this book has changed my life in some subtle ways, it taught me that most of the time we don't "really" listen, and that in order to do so we must make a commitment and give our full attention even if what is being said bored the hell out of us. Caring is just that.
It also taught me to take full responsibilty of whatever happens to me, not to blame society or family or fate, and that to express anger one should think and reflect upon the best way to do that, not to head on blindly in the heat of the moment; because our emotions are our slaves, not the other way around...and some balance need be established between them and their masters "us".
It also taught me that we're all lazy to some degree, we don't want to live a life in constant thinking and reflection, yet this is the only way to grow. We all choose the easy way out, refusing to take responsibilty or to change our opinions and behaviours, yet this leads to a conflict between the conscious mind and the unconscious "who realizes that change must happen".
It also taught me that life is full of pain, and that trying to avoid that pain is never successful. It is only by facing it head on, by listening to our unconscious minds and adjusting our maps of reality and by actively extending ourselves to help nurture others, and consequently ourselves, do we take steps on the road less travelled, the road to spiritual growth.
Looking forward to reading other M. Scott Peck books! :'D
February 24, 2013
I read the Road Less Travelled because several Internet sites rated it the most read self-help book ever. As a therapist and fan of self-help books I felt like I needed to get right on it. I'm glad I did. Peck has wisdom and depth to spare on the topics of psychotherapy and human fulfillment. He offers a fundamental jumping-off point to anyone hoping to improve their life, whether through therapy or introspection. So you need to read it! That being said, there are some cautions. Peck can by turns be loving then judgmental toward therapy patients. His language choice and lack of sympathy at times made me cringe. He puts forth questionable opinions on boundaries as well, over-estimating (in my opinion) the degree of importance and control the therapist exercises in the patient's progress. He uses that importance to justify breaking well-established standards of professionalism and ethics in the counseling field. Finally, the last section, which addresses his spiritual beliefs, meanders. There are valuable nuggets to be mined, but they're buried within some bizarre musings. As he reflects on God and grace, Peck seems to forget he's writing to a general audience and instead expounds on his philosophies In a form more suited to autobiography than therapeutic enlightenment. At the end of the day, I'm aware I'm standing on the shoulders of a giant. Peck wrote this book in the '70s. Therapy has evolved quite a bit since then. Professionals brave enough to put forth their theories and thoughts are to be commended -- they push us forward. And Peck, whatever his imperfections, clearly comes from a place of courage and love serving not only as teacher but example for us all.
March 5, 2019
O Eterno Jogo dos Problemas
Problemas...
Problemas...
Problemas...
Quem não os tem?!
Quem não os cria?!
Quem não os adia?!...
Estão por cá desde os primórdios e não há meio de se extinguirem!
São as carraças dos nossos neuronios que nos torturam a alma e infectam a Paz!
São uma praga intemporal que tinge de negro a nossa felicidade!...
Mas quem seríamos nós sem os nossos odientos problemas?!
Não são eles os despertadores das nossas capacidades?!
As ferramentas que desenterram o nosso potencial?!
Que fazem emergir uma identidade doutra forma soterrada?!
Então porque não agradececê-los com um sorriso ao invés dum esgar de desagrado?!
Ou talvez com um risinho Gioconda, para começar?!...
Encará-los como um jogo desafiante que é mandatário ir vencendo, ao invés duma Monumental Chatice!
Abordar problemas com uma atitude positiva será, obviamente, investir na almejada felicidade 😉
E é pois aqui que este livrinho entra em cena, ao providenciar excelentes conselhos no que toca à arte de resolver problemas! Leiam-no que não se arrependerão 👍
Num certo sentido, até é possível comparar problemas a diamantes — ambos duram toda a vida ... 😉
Problemas são para sempre, para sempre, para sempre... 🎶🎶🎶
São os capítulos do Livro da Vida 😉
Problemas...
Problemas...
Problemas...
Quem não os tem?!
Quem não os cria?!
Quem não os adia?!...
Estão por cá desde os primórdios e não há meio de se extinguirem!
São as carraças dos nossos neuronios que nos torturam a alma e infectam a Paz!
São uma praga intemporal que tinge de negro a nossa felicidade!...
Mas quem seríamos nós sem os nossos odientos problemas?!
Não são eles os despertadores das nossas capacidades?!
As ferramentas que desenterram o nosso potencial?!
Que fazem emergir uma identidade doutra forma soterrada?!
Então porque não agradececê-los com um sorriso ao invés dum esgar de desagrado?!
Ou talvez com um risinho Gioconda, para começar?!...
Encará-los como um jogo desafiante que é mandatário ir vencendo, ao invés duma Monumental Chatice!
Abordar problemas com uma atitude positiva será, obviamente, investir na almejada felicidade 😉
E é pois aqui que este livrinho entra em cena, ao providenciar excelentes conselhos no que toca à arte de resolver problemas! Leiam-no que não se arrependerão 👍
Num certo sentido, até é possível comparar problemas a diamantes — ambos duram toda a vida ... 😉
Problemas são para sempre, para sempre, para sempre... 🎶🎶🎶
São os capítulos do Livro da Vida 😉
April 25, 2016
This gives psychology a bad name.
Truly offensive.
Throughout the book, my thoughts were:
- "Why give evidence to your assumptions? Just assume things and take it from there! The conclusions will definitely be credible."
- "Whoa, is he really saying that the unconscious mind is God? Wow, no."
- "Is he really alluding to slavery as a nice way to control your emotions? Ouch."
- "OMG, was he really reporting a success case when his male homossexual patient asked a girl out? How is this guy allowed to practice?!"
- "I would be very angry if I told my therapist I was an atheist and he told me 'No, you're actually extremely religious, you just don't know it yet!'"
- "Well, I don't have to imagine in this case, as a polytheist, I'm offended. My Gods and Goddesses are no way inferior to yours. Way to insult whole cultures and religions, man."
- "Ahh stop! Why does he keep putting his Christian God in the middle of everyone's psyche all the time?!"
Truly offensive.
Throughout the book, my thoughts were:
- "Why give evidence to your assumptions? Just assume things and take it from there! The conclusions will definitely be credible."
- "Whoa, is he really saying that the unconscious mind is God? Wow, no."
- "Is he really alluding to slavery as a nice way to control your emotions? Ouch."
- "OMG, was he really reporting a success case when his male homossexual patient asked a girl out? How is this guy allowed to practice?!"
- "I would be very angry if I told my therapist I was an atheist and he told me 'No, you're actually extremely religious, you just don't know it yet!'"
- "Well, I don't have to imagine in this case, as a polytheist, I'm offended. My Gods and Goddesses are no way inferior to yours. Way to insult whole cultures and religions, man."
- "Ahh stop! Why does he keep putting his Christian God in the middle of everyone's psyche all the time?!"
August 1, 2012
I have owned this book since I believe 1980 or so, but consider this a book, everyone should have on their life travel.
May 25, 2009
Strong beginning, end with a bing. It starts in the first of four parts with sagacity of tone, conservatively analyzing discipline and how this relates to happiness and mental illness. His ideas aren't entirely profound, but they snugly fit the psychiatric philosophy-wannabe tradition of the mid-twentieth century, which means that his writing is a literary analog of psychotherapy -- calm voice, gentle points (even if they're substantially hard to hear), patience in progression -- decked with truly interesting stories that flesh out his points nicely (the unique advantage of therapist authors). That's great, four-and-a-half to five stars, keep it going.
With each chapter change, however, another frightening head is added to the Medusa of pseudo-intellectual secular spirituality. He keeps the prose engaging in the second part, and it's nice to hear ruminations on the subject of love (especially the potent-but-romantic idea that psychotherapists should "love" their clients in the sense that they will the best for them), even if many of his thoughts are a little strange (like the idea that love is selfish). But by the third part and fourth parts (on growth and religion, and grace) he's completely in his own self-created New Age semi-mysticism, almost a pure non-sequitur in relation to the other two parts. It's not quite Christian. Actually, I don't know what it is. He arbitrarily adds the subject of grace as a finisher, which he implicitly defines as divine providence rather than anything remotely close to common theological interpretations. By now it's virtually over. "Love is conscious, grace is not." "God is the goal of evolution." "Original sin does exist; it is our laziness." All enough illogical metaphysical speculation to make a creationist blush, and have Carl Jung haunted with thoughts of a shrink crucifixion.
Still, I liked it, mostly for the first half, and even in the latter chapters there were fruits of independent thinking. But it's impossible to express how smoothly and subtlety the book progresses to a religious worldview. I felt during the latter half of the book that at any succeeding paragraph he would end one of his far-out contemplations with "Oh yeah, Jesus is God, you know." And in any other context that's fine, but here it's downright deceptive. The book starts so nicely thoughtful on daily problems and some of the steps needed to transcend them, holding to secular steering. Then one thing leads to another, and another, and before long you come to realize that the road less traveled is the road smoothly downhill to the land of blurry theology.
With each chapter change, however, another frightening head is added to the Medusa of pseudo-intellectual secular spirituality. He keeps the prose engaging in the second part, and it's nice to hear ruminations on the subject of love (especially the potent-but-romantic idea that psychotherapists should "love" their clients in the sense that they will the best for them), even if many of his thoughts are a little strange (like the idea that love is selfish). But by the third part and fourth parts (on growth and religion, and grace) he's completely in his own self-created New Age semi-mysticism, almost a pure non-sequitur in relation to the other two parts. It's not quite Christian. Actually, I don't know what it is. He arbitrarily adds the subject of grace as a finisher, which he implicitly defines as divine providence rather than anything remotely close to common theological interpretations. By now it's virtually over. "Love is conscious, grace is not." "God is the goal of evolution." "Original sin does exist; it is our laziness." All enough illogical metaphysical speculation to make a creationist blush, and have Carl Jung haunted with thoughts of a shrink crucifixion.
Still, I liked it, mostly for the first half, and even in the latter chapters there were fruits of independent thinking. But it's impossible to express how smoothly and subtlety the book progresses to a religious worldview. I felt during the latter half of the book that at any succeeding paragraph he would end one of his far-out contemplations with "Oh yeah, Jesus is God, you know." And in any other context that's fine, but here it's downright deceptive. The book starts so nicely thoughtful on daily problems and some of the steps needed to transcend them, holding to secular steering. Then one thing leads to another, and another, and before long you come to realize that the road less traveled is the road smoothly downhill to the land of blurry theology.
June 9, 2018
الطريق الأقل ارتيادا
في هذا الكتاب يضع الاخصائي النفسي مورغان سكوت بيك خلاصة تجاربه ليقدم ارشاداته للطريق نحو النمو الروحي. انه يتحدث عن المعاناة والمسؤولية والانضباط والحب شارحا تأثيرات العلاقة مع الآباء في الطفولة على المراحل التي تليها في الحياة، وكيف يقدم العلاج النفسي حلولا تبدأ من قبول الانسان لمبدأ التعب والألم من أجل تجاوز ضعفه والنمو بروحه.
في فصل الانضباط يقدم فكرة ان القبول بمبدأ ان الحياة هي معاناة هو السبيل للتوقف عن الشعور بالألم. يتحدث عن الاعتراف والالتزام بمسؤولية الفرد عن حياته، وكيف يمكن ان يقع الناس في خطأ الهروب من الاعتراف بهذه المسؤولية او تحميل انفسهم اكثر مما يتحملون مسؤوليته فعلا. يتحدث عن الاضطرابات النفسية المختلفة وعلاقتها بما حظوا به من محبة في الطفولة (الحرمان، او حتى الحب الذي يمكن وصفه بالمريض) ويتحدث ايضا عن العيش في الواقع والسماح بتجديد صورة هذا الواقع بحسب المعطيات الجديدة (في مقابل العيش في وهم).
في فصل الحب يعيد تعريف الحب ليكون ذلك السعي/الجهد الذي يهدف فيه الانسان للنمو بروحه او النمو بروح شخص آخر. يتحدث عن الوقوع في الحب وكيف يمكن ان يكون الوقوع خارجه هو الخطوة الاولى نحو علاقة روحية اشد عمقا. يتحدث عن الاستقلال بصفته الايجابية، عن التضحية غير المجدية في الحب، عن أن الحب يتعدى كونه عاطفة/شعور، وعن المخاطر التي يمكن ان يأخذها الناس للوصول الى مكان افضل في علاقاتهم (خطر الفقد، خطر الاستقلال، خطر المواجهة).
في النصف الثاني من الكتاب يتحدث عن علاقة النمو الروحي بالدين، وعن معجزة الله ومحبته وعلاقة ذلك بالنمو الروحي والنفس.
وجدت الفصلين الاول والثاني أكثر تأثيرا بالنسبة لي، والكتاب حافل بقصص وشواهد من الحالات التي مرت به لتعزز الافكار التي يقدمها.
في هذا الكتاب يضع الاخصائي النفسي مورغان سكوت بيك خلاصة تجاربه ليقدم ارشاداته للطريق نحو النمو الروحي. انه يتحدث عن المعاناة والمسؤولية والانضباط والحب شارحا تأثيرات العلاقة مع الآباء في الطفولة على المراحل التي تليها في الحياة، وكيف يقدم العلاج النفسي حلولا تبدأ من قبول الانسان لمبدأ التعب والألم من أجل تجاوز ضعفه والنمو بروحه.
في فصل الانضباط يقدم فكرة ان القبول بمبدأ ان الحياة هي معاناة هو السبيل للتوقف عن الشعور بالألم. يتحدث عن الاعتراف والالتزام بمسؤولية الفرد عن حياته، وكيف يمكن ان يقع الناس في خطأ الهروب من الاعتراف بهذه المسؤولية او تحميل انفسهم اكثر مما يتحملون مسؤوليته فعلا. يتحدث عن الاضطرابات النفسية المختلفة وعلاقتها بما حظوا به من محبة في الطفولة (الحرمان، او حتى الحب الذي يمكن وصفه بالمريض) ويتحدث ايضا عن العيش في الواقع والسماح بتجديد صورة هذا الواقع بحسب المعطيات الجديدة (في مقابل العيش في وهم).
في فصل الحب يعيد تعريف الحب ليكون ذلك السعي/الجهد الذي يهدف فيه الانسان للنمو بروحه او النمو بروح شخص آخر. يتحدث عن الوقوع في الحب وكيف يمكن ان يكون الوقوع خارجه هو الخطوة الاولى نحو علاقة روحية اشد عمقا. يتحدث عن الاستقلال بصفته الايجابية، عن التضحية غير المجدية في الحب، عن أن الحب يتعدى كونه عاطفة/شعور، وعن المخاطر التي يمكن ان يأخذها الناس للوصول الى مكان افضل في علاقاتهم (خطر الفقد، خطر الاستقلال، خطر المواجهة).
في النصف الثاني من الكتاب يتحدث عن علاقة النمو الروحي بالدين، وعن معجزة الله ومحبته وعلاقة ذلك بالنمو الروحي والنفس.
وجدت الفصلين الاول والثاني أكثر تأثيرا بالنسبة لي، والكتاب حافل بقصص وشواهد من الحالات التي مرت به لتعزز الافكار التي يقدمها.
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January 19, 2022Kitap ruhsal açmazlarım olduğu bir dönemde bana önerildiği için tüm kitapların önüne yerleştirip okumaya başladım. Kitabın ilk bölümü bana gerçekten çok iyi geldi. Zaten şu cümleyle başlıyor:
"Yaşam zordur,
Bu yüce bir gerçektir."
Bu bölümde savunduğu ve temellendirdiği temel fikirler şunlar;
1) Kişiliğin tekamül etmesi gerektiği, bunun da disiplinle mümkün olacağı.
2) Gerçeğe sadık bir yaşamın açık ve dürüstlükle sürdürüleceği bunun da kişinin başının dik ve özgüveninin tam olmasını sağlayacağı;
3) Gerçekdışı bir yol haritasının; masalların kişiyi buhrana sürükleyeceği. Bu manada yol haritasının önemli olduğu.
Bu fikirler oldukça işe yarar. Bunların dışında pek çok fikir daha edindim. İkinci bölüm olan Sevgi de fena değildi ama diğer bölümlerin "olmasa da olur" hatta "olmasa daha iyi olur" diye düşündürdüğünü söyleyebilirim. Zira son bölümde Hristiyanlık propagandası sezdim. Eğer bu bölümler olmasaydı puanım 4 yıldız olurdu.
"Yaşam zordur,
Bu yüce bir gerçektir."
Bu bölümde savunduğu ve temellendirdiği temel fikirler şunlar;
1) Kişiliğin tekamül etmesi gerektiği, bunun da disiplinle mümkün olacağı.
2) Gerçeğe sadık bir yaşamın açık ve dürüstlükle sürdürüleceği bunun da kişinin başının dik ve özgüveninin tam olmasını sağlayacağı;
3) Gerçekdışı bir yol haritasının; masalların kişiyi buhrana sürükleyeceği. Bu manada yol haritasının önemli olduğu.
Bu fikirler oldukça işe yarar. Bunların dışında pek çok fikir daha edindim. İkinci bölüm olan Sevgi de fena değildi ama diğer bölümlerin "olmasa da olur" hatta "olmasa daha iyi olur" diye düşündürdüğünü söyleyebilirim. Zira son bölümde Hristiyanlık propagandası sezdim. Eğer bu bölümler olmasaydı puanım 4 yıldız olurdu.
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