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384 pages, Hardcover
First published November 25, 2008
"One of the things that's odd is that we were so intimate," Simeon said, realizing he really meant it. "We joined our bodies together, and yet I don't truly understand your body."But I found as many things to hate about this novel as I did to love, which I had to skim over and pretend I hadn't seen in order to keep reading.
"How could you understand it?"
"Well," he said, reaching out delicately, "how does it feel to have breasts?"
She started laughing.
I make no claim to historical versimilitude in Simeon's recollections of Valamksepa's teachings. The term "Middle Way" is drawn from Rudyard Kipling's novel Kim, in which the titular hero meets a Tibetan holy man who seeks freedom from the "Wheel of Things." [...] I drew Valamkempsa's wisdom from the flotsam and jetsam of bowdlerized Eastern teaching, and they have no basis in reality.1. Kim was published in 1901 and is set in the 1890s. When the Duke Returns is set in 1784.
"[Honeydew] pointed to the ceiling. Simeon looked up and saw a dingy stain that stretched from one corner over approximately a third of the room. 'I'm afraid that when the water closet pipes leaked, they inundated the study, causing the rot of a number of books.'"THAT IS DISGUSTING. I don't even mean this in a "ewwww" way but in a "Your house is a hazard and will cause you many horrifying diseases if you continue to live there. GET OUT NOW." way. Like, I am not playing.

"Simeon!"... "What did you do?"
"What?"
"You- you peed on me!"..."In me!"
"There's nothing sadder than a man who feels the need to boast about the size of his equipment."
