Excavation

by Wendy C. Ortiz

Wendy C. Ortiz was an only child and a bookish, insecure girl living with alcoholic parents in the San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles in the late 1980s and early 1990s. Her relationship with a charming and deeply flawed private school teacher fifteen years her senior appeared to give her the kind of power teenagers wish for, regardless of consequences. Her teacher—now a registered sex offender—continually encouraged her passion for writing while making her promise she was not leaving any written record about their dangerous sexual relationship. This conflicted relationship with her teacher may have been just five years long, but would imprint itself on her and her later relationships, queer and straight, for the rest of her life.

In Excavation: A Memoir, the black and white of the standard victim/perpetrator stereotype gives way to unsettling grays. The present-day narrator reflects on the girl she once was, as well as the teacher and parent she has become. It's a beautifully written and powerful story of a woman reclaiming her whole heart.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir, LGBT, Queer, Biography, Autobiography

235 pages, Paperback

First published July 15, 2014

About the author

Wendy C. Ortiz is the author of Excavation: A Memoir (Future Tense Books, 2014), Hollywood Notebook (Writ Large Press, 2015), and the dreamoir Bruja (Civil Coping Mechanisms, 2016). In 2016 Bustle named her one of “9 Women Writers Who Are Breaking New Nonfiction Territory.” Her work has been featured in the Los Angeles Times, The Rumpus, the Los Angeles Review of Books, and the National Book Critics Circle Small Press Spotlight blog. Her writing has appeared in such venues as The New York Times, Joyland, StoryQuarterly, and a year-long series appeared at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. Most recently her “Urban Liminal” series of texts appear alongside signature graphic representations of the projects of Lorcan O’Herlihy Architects in the book Amplified Urbanism (2017). Wendy is a psychotherapist in private practice in Los Angeles.

Visit Wendy at wendycortiz.tumblr.com or at her website, wendyortiz.com.

Reviews

[Bud Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was supposed to go see the movie Birdman, but I didn't make it to go and see Birdman because on the subway ride there, I'd started reading this book and so instead of walking over to the movie theatre from the 86th street station, I plopped down on a bench and read until the uptown train came and then when the uptown train came, I got on that and went back home to apartment 12 and read the rest of the book. People have told me Birdman is excellent.

[Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a sad, bold memoir about a young woman whose middle school English teacher sexually abused her for five years. With powerful prose, Wendy Ortiz recounts the beginning of her relationship with this teacher, named “Jeff” for the sake of anonymity, and how their bond developed into something powerful and dangerous. My heart broke so many times when reading Excavation, especially because Ortiz does such an excellent job bringing to life the vulnerabilities and desires of a young girl, desires that we all possess in some shape or form – to be special, to be loved, to be known. To be frank, it's fucked up that anyone would take advantage of a child in such an awful way. Though from my perspective it’s clear that it’s just horrible that this abuse happened, Ortiz portrays the nuance of her relationship with Jeff, reflecting on how she wanted to be wanted by him, or perhaps by anyone, really.

I feel like Excavation could have been even more powerful if Ortiz shared a bit more about her healing process, or how her relationship with Jeff affected her future relationships, or even her family and their dynamics. I recognize that memoirists and writers can share as much or as little as they want about their lives. The amount I want to know may come more from my subjective taste than any deficit in the memoir. Ortiz does touch briefly on how she attends therapy later on in life and how her experience with Jeff colored her future intimate relationships, though I think there was room to expand on those things.

I also would like to give a shout out to Wendy Ortiz for publishing this iconic essay in Gay Magazine in relation to My Dark Vanessa and her experiences in the publishing industry, which helped lead me to Excavation. Honestly, I feel a little annoyed with people who say that Ortiz wrote that the author of My Dark Vanessa plagiarized her. Ortiz did not write that. In her essay in Gay Magazine, Ortiz writes incisively and intelligently about how it’s so much more difficult for authors of color to get their work noticed and respected compared to white authors, even when the topics presented are similar. I’ve read at least one review on Goodreads that criticized Excavation for being less polished than My Dark Vanessa and for being published by a small publishing company – well, you know, big publishing companies often aren’t interested in publishing books by people with multiple marginalized identities, such as women of color. Thus, I give extra props to Ortiz for courageously offering her experience to us, especially in a society that ignores the abuse of young girls of color and silences their voices.

[paperbackpeonies]

2.5/3 out of 5 stars but I don't feel comfortable giving it a rating because who am I to rate someone's story in which they offer their emotional, abused self up on a platter?

I feel so bad for writing a negative review but I have to be honest.
I was sent a copy of this book a really long time ago and I honestly hadn't given it a second thought until I read Wendy Ortiz's article, "Adventures in Publishing Outside the Gates" in which she compares her memoir to the upcoming novel My Dark Vanessa. (If you're interested you can read the essay here: https://gay.medium.com/adventures-in-... ). After reading the article I was intrigued and dug out my copy of Excavation. These are my thoughts.
First impressions are: I can (and I do feel bad saying this) understand why publishers did not want her book. I think for a memoir to be successful there needs to be variance. Excavation reads like a list of every sexual encounter she has with her teacher. There isn't depth.
There really is no conclusion.
The writing is very basic.
My favorite parts were when she skips ahead to her adult self. I wanted more of those moments; they were good, and written almost as prose poetry. This is where the reader gets to see Ortiz's true self. It's completely different to her younger self and I wonder if that is because she was using her old journals to help write those early years chapters. She is relying on those too heavily, trying to get the little details right, so there isn't a flow.
There is a disconnect between Wendy and the reader. There's a lot of masturbation, which is fine, but I wanted to get to know her-feel her emotions- more. Not just as a sexual being but as a kid.

I get why this book was rejected. I don't think it was because of her identity (although please do not think I am ignorant and don't realize the publishing world is biased-I know this.) It's just not that good.
I can't imagine the enormous strength it took for Ortiz to write this memoir. To relive a toxic relationship that lasted for five years. Her story should be told. I just wish she could find a better editor.

[Kevin · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I first encountered the writing of Wendy C. Ortiz, it was her essay, Mix Tape, on The Nervous Breakdown. It was a piece of writing that stylistically took on the pain and the traumatic fallout of a relationship she had with one of her teachers--a relationship that lasted throughout her high school years. A teacher whose pedophile tendencies were later discovered. I wrote to Wendy and asked if she had other work I could read. She told me about this memoir (which details the same dangerous relationship as her Mix Tape essay) and that it was being shopped around by her agent. After patiently waiting for a couple of months, I had my chance to read it and consider it for Future Tense. I knew within the first few pages that this was a fresh and engrossing look at a very difficult subject and that I should publish it.
Excavation is brave in the way that it accurately reflects the emotional state of both the young Wendy and the adult Wendy. Her present-day disgust is just as tangible as her memories of infatuation at a younger age. Ortiz's writing beautifully captures our desperate need for love, even in the darkest corners of small personal worlds. I'm very proud to be Wendy's publisher for this excavation. She digs deep and presents us with her heart at its fullest. I hope this book lives forever.

[leah · Rating 4 out of 5]

i first heard about excavation a few years ago when i was reading my dark vanessa, which although very harrowing to read, is one of my favourite books. maybe ‘favourite’ is the wrong word, but i do think that book is incredible.

similarly to my dark vanessa, excavation is a memoir by wendy c. ortiz which details the predatory relationship she had with her middle school english teacher, which continued throughout her teens.

the simple fact that so many similar stories exist to the point where plagiarism accusations pop up is an issue within itself, pointing to a dark rot that lies within our culture.

(i have to note here that ortiz doesn’t explicitly accuse kate elizabeth russell, the author of my dark vanessa, of plagiarism in her essay, although she did hint at the similarities of the books on twitter).

due to how widespread these stories are, i personally don't find it that surprising that so many of these stories sound similar (the memoir being lolita springs to mind as yet another example). the similarities just highlight the exploitative patterns of these predators, speaking to their recycled sick tricks and ploys.

it’s gut-wrenching to see the statistics, to read about how many teachers take advantage of their position of authority to abuse those they are meant to protect, how the victims’ childhoods are torn away from them and their lives forever changed.

excavation tells yet another one of these alarmingly common stories in a raw, powerful, and very moving memoir, which is incredibly compelling despite the difficult subject matter - which just speaks to how gorgeously written it is.

[Heather · Rating 2 out of 5]

The two aspects that make me fall in love with a book are the writing and well-developed characters, so this one fell short for me. As meticulously as she chronicles what he said and what she said, and what she drank and how she lit her cigarette, you never learn about how she FELT about being abused as a 13 year old by her 28 year old teacher. I’m much more interested in how she processed this than the daily details of a shitty sexual predator. There are also a lot of clumsy metaphors that made it hard to read: “a contentment that felt like milk over hot skin, soothing and exciting at once.” Huh?

[samsplaining · Rating 2 out of 5]

I discovered this book through the controversy between it and My Dark Vanessa. I read MDV yesterday, and then decided to read this one today, to see how I felt about the comparisons and critiques that the author has made towards MDV. As someone who works in the publishing industry, and is very aware of the shortcomings that it can have in regards to diversity, I do my best to try read as many underrepresented authors as possible, and love to learn and be corrected and check my subconscious biases.

Now that I have finished this book, these are my thoughts: My Dark Vanessa and Excavation are two very different books. Besides the fact that they are both about girls groomed by their English teachers and have long and complicated relationships with them over the years, there is really no comparison.

I found this memoir to be quite lacking in detail, emotion, insight and passion. The writing is flat, matter of fact, and often quite summarising. I feel like I know nothing about Wendy, about Jeff, about any of the “characters” at all. Most conversations are summarised in paragraphs, rather than being written as dialogue, and the only conversations are really between Wendy and Jeff. All the other “characters” are just white noise in the background. There is no craft or lyricism in the writing, besides for the very short and infrequent chapters from adult-Wendy’s perspective. I wanted more of these, and for them to be longer and more reflective rather than abstract and metaphorical. This memoir is described as experimental, but it really didn’t read that way to me. The narrative was straight and plain, with no key moments, arcs or catalysts, it’s just continues on like a statement of every interaction Wendy and Jeff every had. I was constantly waiting for something to happen, for there to be a moment where Jeff is caught, or have some kind of change or shift or closure, and when I got to the end I shut the book and still felt like I was waiting. This was very disappointing. I have really loved other memoirs on this topic, such as Bri Lee’s Eggshell skull and Lucia Osborne-Crowley’s I Choose Elena, and I was really expecting this memoir to move and haunt me like Eggshell Skull and I Choose Elena did. Like My Dark Vanessa did (despite it being a fictionalised account).

This could have been an amazing memoir, and I think the author should consider rewriting and reframing Excavation to bring in the elements it is missing.

[Caroline Leavitt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm posting pretty much the same review I wrote for My Dark Vanessa, because I know about the ugliness around Wendy Ortiz's Excavation and Russell’s extraordinary debut so I decided to read both of them--and I loved both of them and felt they were different takes on the same subject. Ortiz feels Russell stole her idea. Not so. First, it is not a new idea. Blackbird, the Broadway play, Una the film, the show with Laura Dern (I forget the name) all deal with this. I, too, wrote about a high school girl and her dangerous relationship with her high school teacher in Cruel Beautiful World. While Ortiz was rightfully sorrowful that it took her so long to sell her book, part of why Russell's book sold is because of the times. Because it captures today's zeitgeist of the #metoo movement, delving into the dark ramifications of an affair between a fifteen-year-old girl and her 42-year-old teacher. Both novels go deeper, not just telling a story of a predator taking advantage of a young girl, but also delving into the repercussions years later, exploring what it really means to consent—and to support others at the cost of our own selves.

Ortiz rightfully suggests that her book Excavation was passed over because she is not white and privileged. This does happen, but I don't think it is the reason why her book was passed over. I think it was the times--2014, before #MeToo erupted when everyone was talking about it. As she herself said editors found it too disturbing--probably because it was too new to talk about. She also suggests that only someone who has been through something should write about it. Her book was a memoir, Dark Vanessa is a novel. And come on--this is not what writers do. We imagine.

Both novels are appalling, shocking, controversial and disturbing, and gorgeously written. Both are also guaranteed to ignite conversation, increase awareness, and change thinking, and isn’t that what the best literature does? I say, buy and read both.

[Markus Molina · Rating 2 out of 5]

It is a fascinating and horrifying relationship to get a glimpse into the 28 year old Jeff and 13 year old Wendy have, but if you've ever had the privilege/misfortune of knowing people who can't break out of bad habits, you'll find this book gets it a little too correctly--that is, they keep making the same stupid mistakes and realize they need to stop, but don't. I mean, obviously Wendy is young and impressionable in the story, so I know I'm being a bit harsh. Excavation started with an incredible pace and such brutal honesty, I'm honestly surprised at how little I ended up liking it by the end. I just felt it became really, really repetitive. This book could have been cut in half and made into a short story. Wendy Ortiz sort of makes the same point over and over and some of the scenes seem to be so similar it makes me wonder why she even put them in. Towards the last leg of the book, I was just wishing I could give a lecture on proper interventions to Wendy, her parents, and her former teacher Jeff. They all repeatedly make bad decisions and they all just screwed each other up more--which to me, led to a frustrating, albeit, very honest and tragic, read.

[Laura · Rating 2 out of 5]

Wendy relays to us quite a few times during this book that other people think she's an amazing writer. I wish I agreed?

I felt like little depth or insight on this experience was offered, and it consisted largely of a list of songs and drugs consumed. While it is ostensibly a memoir of her abuse, I struggled to gauge what she was feeling about these events as they happened, and what her hopes or expectations actually were for the relationship. We know as humans that it's wrong and gross to have a relationship with a student, let alone a 13-year-old student, but the writing doesn't really bring this across (except in the last 10% or so, which could have been turned into a great essay that might have been more easily marketable). She also describes dissociation, and I understand that it's hard to get back into memories from which you were dissociated in the first place. I don't intend to belittle her experience or make a comment on her actual abuse. The unfortunate thing about memoirs (or at least this type of memoir) is that the trauma is kind of the plot of the book, so it's important that the memories be more vivid (not necessarily graphic, though this book sometimes is, but the emotions and past thought process must be clear).

To address the elephant in the room, I find it pretty appalling that she compared her book to My Dark Vanessa. They really bear little similarity to each other, except being about the topic of a teacher abusing a student, and surely more than one person can write about that. Ortiz even goes into this in Excavation, that abuse is extremely common, and more comes to light "any given day."
I would love for more queer and BIPOC voices to be heard in publishing. I would also love for women like Kate Russell to stop being belittled and interrogated and proclaimed liars if they write about abuse in a fictionalized (and beautiful, compelling) way without detailing every fact of their own lives. It is possible to want both of these things.

[Brooke · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just want to start by saying how bad I feel giving this book a 2 stars, as it is a memoir and Wendy Ortiz's true experience. The reason I gave it a low rating has nothing to do with this, and more with the writing and purpose of this story.

TW: grooming, drug use, sexual assault

In this memoir, we follow Wendy when she is 13 and she is in English class in which she has a new teacher, Mr. Ivers (Jeff). They start forming a relationship and it quickly turns inappropriate. It is so crazy to me that this is a true story because it is truly unfathomable that a teacher could prey on their student, especially a girl of such a young age, like this. She was 13 and he was 28 (I think?), and Wendy was not his only underaged conquest over the years that this book spanned.

I had high hopes for this book because it was compared to My Dark Vanessa , which was a new favorite book of mine in 2020. The only comparison that can be made between these two, in my opinion, is the fact that they involve a teacher grooming their students. Other than that, there is no comparison.

Though this is a true story, it lacked so much depth and purpose. I understand that this book is to bring awareness to the predatory acts that can happen, but this book mostly just followed Wendy and Jeff having sex, doing drugs, and talking on the phone. Besides that, there was so true goal of this novel and no climax, no resolution, nothing. We never see how Wendy feels about her relationship with Jeff, besides her saying she loves him, but there is no dive into the depths of her feelings regarding this relationship. We constantly get Jeff saying how this relationship is wrong and that he loves her so much so he can't stop. This annoyed me beyond belief because it was just so repetitive and we just kept following the same thing over and over and over.

In comparison to My Dark Vanessa , though it is not a true story, it has so much depth and a true message, we see the main character of this novel actually figuring out why this relationship was wrong and we see her feelings regarding the relationship and the after-effects. I feel as though this book had more of an impact, which is very sad considering that it isn't a true story and Excavation is. I think if Excavation had more of a direction and Ortiz actually gave us an insight into her feelings at the time of the grooming, it would have packed so much more of a punch. There was so much potential from this first-hand account, and it just fell so short.

[Mike · Rating 2 out of 5]

Honestly, this was a disappointing read. The author struggles to explain what happened to her in the years that she was abused, but her excavation barely scratches the surface beyond what she wrote in her journals as an adolescent. Fifteen years later this story is still trapped within the narratives created by a 13 year old. Lists of drugs consumed, dropped nonchalantly exactly as a 13 year old might reveal. Places, situations, acts, all narrated by a 13 year old with seemingly very little access to the 29 year old author.

Her editor should have led her to explore deeper, to truly excavate the past to allow us to see what she could not have perceived at thirteen. For example, when she waltzed into Jeff's apartment expecting drugs & sex and instead found his living room filled with coaches and teachers from the junior high school, the author dedicates two or three sentences to her discomfort as she backed out of the room. That might be where the anecdote ended for a 13 year old writing in her diary, but the reader wants to know what the hell were those coaches thinking?! Were they surprised that she showed up at Jeff's house on a Saturday and then fled immediately? Did they rationalize it away? Praise Jeff for mentoring a wayward teen? Jeff was a basketball coach too... maybe he and the other coaches tacitly accepted that "some 13 year olds are sluts"? I really wish there was more effort put into the excavation.

We never truly get outside of the 13 year olds limited perspective. There are a few brief paragraphs tacked on about her therapist's insights (years later), and an unconvincing declaration by the author (now a mother) that she is better equipped to detect the lies of teenagers should her own daughter become a target of abuse. Yet the structure of the book is oddly a sort of fairy tale that makes me question how lucid the narrator truly is. In the last scene, the now 18 year old victim of abuse and her abuser sit in a car overlooking the night lights of the valley down below and declare their impossible love for each other, one last time before saying goodbye forever. Looking at other reviews it seems that many readers find this scene empowering, indicating that the narrator had 'finally matured enough to let go'. Is this not a description of a predator finding a 'safe' way to release his prey now that she is too old to interest him?

[Boo · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐️ I read this after all the drama with this and Dark Vanessa. A really interesting read but it did confirm for me that it's not a subject matter I can continue to read much about as I find it too triggering.

[Ylenia · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25

[Emmkay · Rating 3 out of 5]

A memoir about the author’s teen years in the late 80s, which were shaped by a relationship with her grade 8 English teacher. Wendy is isolated by her parents’ marital breakdown and her mother’s alcoholism. She writes obsessively in her free time and is flattered when Mr Ivers wants to see her work, then drawn into late night calls featuring one-sided phone sex - she pretends to be following his prompts but feels too awkward. He also tells her not to tell her friends about their relationship or to write anything down, but she’s a teenage girl and can’t resist doing both. Over her teen years filled with drinking, drug use, and good grades, he remains a relatively fixed point, an uncomfortably lecherous one seen from an adult reader’s eyes, but also strangely censorious as he lectures her to pay attention in school and avoid hitchhiking to his apartment. Many years later, she turns back to her diaries to excavate the past. Fast, page-turning, honest, uncomfortable. I would also have been interested to read more about how she came to reevaluate what happened to her as she got older. 3.5.

[Kevin · Rating 2 out of 5]

A very thought-provoking read, though somewhat unsatisfying. Ortiz gives a very personal and in-depth look at her romantic relationship with a current/former middle school teacher that started when she was 13 and continued for five years. One of the more impressive elements of the book is that at no point does Ortiz explicitly call out how wrong or inappropriate the relationship is (apart from the unhealthy components of the relationship itself, like communication issues). As a reader, it's unsettling to find oneself caught up in the codependent relationship story, forget Ortiz's age, and then be reminded of it with details like how she hopes to get her first period, or how her breasts are developing, or that she's about to enter high school. The book doesn't attempt to make an argument against relationships like these, which is just as bold as the confession itself. Yes, this is all wrong, so wrong that she needn't say it, and the ways the book encourages the reader to suspend a certain type of condemnation is intriguing. The thing that seems most wrong in the relationship as it's presented is the way Jeff is able to beguile and manipulate the young Wendy. It's not that he's evil (he's certainly not depicted as a monster); it's that he's a horny man with an agenda and the ability to manipulate a curious, attracted girl enough to get what he wants. Anyone who's dated enough (even legally) will recognize the ways that infatuation can cloud judgment. Jeff's age and Wendy's innocence is no doubt at the heart of why this affair 1) started and 2) went on as long as it did without Wendy calling it quits when she could. Ortiz says that all of her subsequent relationships have been colored by this one, and that's one of the biggest tragedies here, that her sexual awakening and early romantic education occurred under circumstances that had her so severely disadvantaged.

So, all of that made for a powerful reading experience, though the writing and the story left me wanting. I wanted to know more about her parents. Details about them feel distant and vague. I wanted Wendy to be more self-aware of the cultural context and implications of her relationship with Jeff, even if this came as she aged or looked back. (To leave this out was probably a conscious decision on Ortiz's part.) There wasn't much music in the writing, which is hard to argue or describe, suffice it to say that I never felt taken in by her descriptions of people or things. Her dialogues with Jeff are probably the best written sections--they are subtle and well-crafted (well-remembered?). The book left me with many plot questions, which I think were purposefully left unanswered or ambiguous. I wanted to know how Jeff was ultimately caught and if he had other victims. I wanted to see more examples of how these experiences inform Ortiz's adult experiences. I wanted more self-awareness, more processing, more closure. That's probably one of the inherent problems in a tale like this, that the processing is ongoing. I wanted the book to do more things, and maybe the reason it's as effective as it is is that it doesn't.

[Erin Bomboy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I came across this book while reading coverage of My Dark Vanessa, a yet-to-be-released book about a predatory teacher. Excavation’s author, Wendy Ortiz, claims that her memoir was appropriated by My Dark Vanessa's writer although she herself hasn’t read the book. I’m not sure how it’s possible to appropriate a story about predatory men and their victims, considering how alarming the statistics are, but I thought I would find out for myself.

Excavation is an evocatively written memoir set in southern California in the ‘80s. Ortiz’s middle school teacher (yes, you read that right) goes after her with pedophiliac ardor just as her parents are divorcing. The two maintain a relationship throughout high school with the teacher’s presence waxing and waning as Ortiz grows up and comes into her own.

Jeff Ivers, the teacher, reads as completely gross (he chews tobacco—triple ugh) and ignorantly manipulative (he talks about his age-appropriate girlfriend one day and then marrying Ortiz the next). I can’t imagine that Ortiz was his first or last victim, and I hope the law or #metoo has caught up with him.

Although compulsively readable, the pages pass by in a haze of sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll, and I often felt I was listening to the same song on repeat. This is the type of book, though, I wish had existed when I was younger because all the exploitative techniques predators use are on full and unflinching display.

[Lois · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book because I saw online that the author of this book feels that the author of My Dark Vanessa based her book on this memoir. I did not see any similarity in the 2 books except for the subject matter of a student having a relationship with her teacher. I don't want to give anything away about the story but I did not find Wendy's story compelling in the same way as I did the protagonist in My Dark Vanessa.

[Nocturnally Tacit · Rating 1 out of 5]

A Courageous yet Flawed Memoir

Seldom have I encountered a book that challenged my commitment to completion as this particular memoir did. While the author's experiences undoubtedly warrant empathy and compassion, I found myself grappling with the manner in which the story was presented.

The author's decision to levy accusations of plagiarism against the writer of "My Dark Vanessa" and bemoan her own work's comparatively lackluster sales felt counterproductive to the spirit of empowering women. This annoyed me to no end. Rather than fostering a supportive environment, such actions seemed to undermine the successes of fellow female authors.

This memoir suffers from an arduous narrative structure, where events unfold in a seemingly endless procession of "this happened, then that happened." This linear and repetitive approach failed to be captivating, a crucial aspect of any compelling memoir. Despite the powerful story at its core, the execution left much to be desired.

As an ardent admirer of the memoir genre, I had hoped for an immersive and engaging experience. Regrettably, this particular work did not resonate with me. While I respect and appreciate the author's courage in sharing her story, the book's shortcomings ultimately detracted from its potential impact.

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hope to write a proper review after the New Year, but for now I'll just say this just flat out took my breath away.

[Antonia Crane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nothing tugs at the heart and knocks on despair's door like a beautifully crafted incest story and "Excavation" does so much more. The author has total command over the complexity of desire, a daughter's alienation from her peers, and her yearning for attention. Sexual power and her own vulnerability are both heart breaking and absolutely compelling. This is a totally raw, relatable emotional excavation in the same vein at "The Kiss" by Kathryn Harrison.

[Christine Whittington · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read the novel "My Dark Vanessa" and the memoir "Excavation" in that order after reading about the controversy in which Wendy Ortiz accused "My Dark Vanessa's" author, Kate Elizabeth Russell, of plagiarism. Ortiz's book is eviscerating--a purging of teen angst and bad decisions in the wake of an English teacher's worse decisions. It is an account of hormonal overdrive (on almost everyone part), chapter after chapter consisting of accounts of sex, drugs, and writing about sex and drugs without any real structure or plot. It did take a great deal of self-exploration (i.e. excavation) and courage for Ortiz to relate this memoir, in which every word rings true.

"My Dark Vanessa" and "Excavation" have in common an older high school English teacher's seduction of a young student--Ortiz younger than Russell's Vanessa and Ortiz's teacher in his 20s as opposed to Russell's 42-year-old teacher. In both cases, the student is an consenting participant--to the extent that a thirteen-year-old or fifteen-year-old can consent. When I was fifteen (or maybe even thirteen) I would have been convinced that I knew what I was doing if a brilliant and riveting teacher expressed interest in me. (Well, Ortiz's Jeff is not especially brilliant or riveting.) The similarities end there. Russell's novel delves into the possibility that the teacher and student could have a unique and exceptional relationship (think French president Emmanuel Macron and his much-older teacher who became his wife), beyond the mundane control of things like the law. There is a riveting plot that involves accusations made by other students who attempt to pull Vanessa into the downfall the teacher. The book reads almost like a mystery --it is a crime story--as Vanessa picks apart the betrayals of her friends, private school, and lover. "My Dark Vanessa" is beautifully written and was published by major publisher, William Morrow. Yes, it was championed by Stephen King who, along with his wife Tabitha, knows a thing or two about coming-of-age stories.

"Excavation" is slight in comparison and less polished. Despite its energy, "Excavation" is marred by errors that would have been caught by a firmer editorial hand. ("I turned and lied on my back, my head hitting the edge of the answering machine.")

I am sorry that Ortiz felt the need to call upon "cancel culture" to harm another writer-especially when she admitted that she had not read the book! (Oprah did indeed cancel "My Dark Vanessa" from her book club due to Ortiz's accusations.) Ortiz blamed white privilege for Russell's snagging a higher-profile publisher. Furthermore, Ortiz does not write about her experiences as a woman of color. I don't recall anywhere in the book that her ethnicity was mentioned; nor was that of Jeff, her English teacher. "My Dark Vanessa" is simply a better, more complex, more richly envisioned book. It is very sad that Ortiz felt the need to diminish the reputation of another female writer in order to elevate her own. There was no need to do so. Her book would have spoken for itself. (less)

[Jessie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excavation, Wendy C Ortiz’s memoir, is a testament to the precise documentation of the author’s experience of years long sexual abuse by her middle school teacher. Her ability to commit what happened to her to paper provided a blueprint of grooming and a context under which that predation can flourish. Ortiz, a thirteen year old being raised by dysfunctional alcoholic parents, hungry for attention and cool and encouragement, ends up in a years long web of exploitation with a man so disgusting, so self centred, so falsely invested in her wellbeing, and so manipulative it was unbearable to read at times. It turned my stomach to see how he toyed with her feelings and also passed accountability back to her, as though her burgeoning sexuality and normal human emotions made him the victim of the abuse he was orchestrating. The way in which Ortiz is able to detail her own vulnerability, her own desire, and her own seeming complacency within a larger context of a sinister situation in which she is still absolutely the victim is profound. This book spoke to my own experiences as an “at-risk” teenager whose own vulnerabilities left me at the hands of adult men so similar to “Jeff” that this book felt like the more obscene version of my own story, despite my own interactions being less prolonged and less graphic - I was able to walk away less scathed to more stable mooring, although what happened to me so often still falls on the spectrum of assault. This book spoke to what it is to be a teenager growing into your skin in a world that sexualizes girls and normalizes adult male paraphilia. I am so proud of Ortiz for this book, for her honesty, and for the work she’s done to move on with her life. This book was a stark punch to the face for many who don’t know, I’m sure, but for so many more it was a song that we already know all the words to in one way or another. This one will walk with me for a long time.

[Patrick O'Neil · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m not a read the “classics” kind of guy. I need a newer voice, one that speaks my language, not outdated prose from before I was born. So as you can well imagine there are stories that I’ve never gotten around to reading, and as a teacher this can be problematic. Except when a memoir such as Wendy C. Ortiz’s Excavation comes out and I find myself reading what I know will soon be consider a classic. Ortiz’s stunning yet compact writing delivers the punch in the gut subject matter with a seemingly incredible ease. Add that to her introspective assessment of herself, then and now, and you have a page-turner that amazes. Ortiz fluently delivers the late 1980’s Los Angeles teenage angst that provoked an overwhelming rebelliousness in latchkey kids tired of hangout at the mall. Only she doesn’t just stop there. She takes it one step farther revealing her affair with her teacher, who was 15-years her senior. Provocative, intense, amazing – read this book!

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

So disturbing! Where do I even begin? A 28-year-old english teacher starts a relationship with his 13-year-old student; a relationship that will last for 6 years until SHE is the one who matures enough to realize it's wrong! Wow. The content is shocking. I couldn't put it down. I will say, though, that it doesn't vary much. She's sort of just telling of the same incident happening over and over. I wont deny that it's well-written, but I hesitate to recommend it in the same way that I would hesitate to send you links to airplane crash videos. (However, if you've ever secretly googled airplane crash videos and been fascinated, this book is for you.)

[Iris L · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read it because of the controversy that exists with #mydarkvanessa, and I respect Wendy’s work, if she only tells us what is on the surface it is her decision. Great courage is required to tell the stories that tear us apart, but empathy and understanding are also needed to stop judging the way or the number of details that are given to us in a non-fiction work. What we often forget is that the trauma works differently in each one, Wendy was a 13-year-old girl when all this abuse began and she didn't even have the words to name what was happening because before her eyes the abuse did not occur or did not assimilate it as such; these situations happen daily in schools, at work and at home and the abuser finds a different camouflage everyday.

[Bobbieshiann · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I conformed to boundaries drawn. I drew boundaries around as much as I could. I was making up for all the boundaries crossed with and without my consent, my thirteen, fourteen, fifteen-year-old “consent,” not yet knowing I couldn’t totally make up for what was lost.”

Excavation, Wendy C. Ortiz memoir, gives readers a glimpse into her relationship with her middle school teacher. At the time, Wendy is 13 and her teacher, Jeff Ivers is 28. Wendy is raised in a dysfunctional household where she’s hides her parents faults and slowly watches as they drift apart. More concerned with drinking and fighting, her father fades out of the picture and her mother never really sees that Wendy needs love and guidance.

Wendy’s Memoir does not give you details of her entire life from beginning to end but she openingly shares how she was manipulated by men years older then her. Men who view her child body and age as a sex symbol while confusing her on what love and respect should look like. Jeff was not the only adult to take advantage of Wendy. He did introduce her to hard drugs in which she used throughout her teenage years to find a way to float through hours of the day. Wendy is relatable to so many people like myself. Being in the presence of older men who make comments that should have been questioned. Who have tried to offer me things for some type of pleasure my child/teenage body could give them. Wendy being able to speak out is extremely emotional for me as it connects to so much of me.

Wendy’s memoir raises my thoughts with questions why she could not be shown love by the right people. Why some adults can’t understand the damage they could bring to a child who then has to hopefully find a way to heal. Why children seek love in any form and once spotted, they can easily be taken advantage of. Easily conflicted and manipulated to the point that they question so much about their own existence.

[Amber Kani · Rating 1 out of 5]

After I finished reading “My Dark Vanessa,” I had a lot of conflicting thoughts on Me Too, relationship dynamics between older and younger partners, and where the line is drawn when it comes to a predatory relationship. I felt as though that book raised a lot of questions that remained unanswered.

In my quest to see other perspectives, I came across Excavation, mainly due to the fact that there were some accusations of plaigerism. As a reader, I found these claims laughable. I also think it takes a decent amount of arrogance to make such a claim about someone’s lived experience.

I also let this book settle in before I wrote my review. I felt bad for hating it as much as I did when it is someone’s personal memoir. In a piece of pure fiction, I’d have no problem saying that the protagonist was “wholly unlikeable” but when it is someone’s truth, I wanted to avoid it. But over time, I just felt increasingly irritated that this book took so much of my time.

This book revolves around a selfish, drug-using, unambitious young person. The stories are boring, irrelevant, dispassionate, and I couldn’t make myself care. She is a byproduct of her own choices. There was no true internal struggle or reflection, no funnel with which to keep the reader’s attention. I didn’t care what happened to her or any other characters. At the end, out of no where, it discusses her sexuality and current life status - which is a complete deviation from everything in the story, and it is jarring. There was no leadup, no explanation.

The book just isn’t good. It isn’t well written. There isn’t a plot. The memoirs don’t lead to a moment or reflection. It wasn’t worth the money or the time.

[Chloé Caldwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could not put it down. This book reminded me of the novel "Loverboy" and the memoir "The Kiss". The shades of gray in this relationship are depicted beautifully in a courageous and controlled and lyrical way. Can't wait for Wendy's NEXT book.

[Amy Pence · Rating 3 out of 5]

Slow to start and then as beguiling as the la brea tar pits. Everything about the voice is true and beautiful. Oh, if only editors had done more to catch mechanics errors and sludgy descriptions which leave the book without the necessary polish.