Unlovable: A memoir from the voice of Savage Garden

by Darren Hayes

Darren Hayes was always a storyteller. As a child, in suburban Queensland in the 1970s, he told himself he was going to be a pop star – and he did it. Throughout Savage Garden’s astonishing success – which included multiple Australian number 1s, cracking the US charts and selling more than 35 million albums worldwide – he kept telling us stories of love and longing, through his vulnerable, open song lyrics.

But the reality of his life was much more complicated than the constraints of a three-minute pop song.
In Unlovable, for the first time, Darren recounts the events and circumstances that shaped his unique from childhood trauma and his journey with depression, to the dizzying heights of worldwide fame in Savage Garden, and everything in between.

Told in his own lyrical words, Unlovable is a magical dark fairytale that reclaims the terrors and obstacles of his past to reveal the fabulous artist he has become.

Genres: Audiobook, Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Music, Autobiography, Mental Health

378 pages, Paperback

Published November 5, 2024

Reviews

[Cindy O’Neill · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the saddest autobiographies I have ever read. I just want to go and give Darren a hug. We should never judge anyone…rich or poor, popular or not, for that one person who we think has it all is maybe struggling with so much more. We never, ever know what happens behind closed doors. Much love to you Darren Hayes, you are simply a superstar.

[Michelle Fraser · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best biography I’ve “read” (would recommend the audio book as it’s read by Darren).
It’s funny and deeply moving (I both laughed out loud and bawled).
Love that he got EMDR in the final chapter, I was hoping for this and cheered out loud.
Biographies can sometimes make me hate the writer but this made me have even more respect and admiration for him. Well worth a read!

[Steve Maxwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

A totally amazing life, overnight super stardom, a violent father, and severe depression all took its toll on a young man who struggled with his self worth his whole life.

Darren's journey is a truly inspirational one showing how one can take all the rubbish one is dealt in this adventure we call life, and come out the other side reasonably in tact.

[Zornitsa Grozdeva · Rating 5 out of 5]

Интересно е как с времето се променят нещата, които ни плашат. Някога се ужасявах от хорър книги, напоследък изпитвам ужас да чета историите на реални хора, израснали сред насилие и тормоз.

Дарън Хейс е един от изпълнителите, с чиято музика израснах, тананикала съм си Truly, Madly, Deeply стотици пъти без дори да подозирам колко болка е преживял авторът й, преди да я напише. Тъжно е, че точно хората, чиито текстове ме накараха да се чувствам сякаш не съм чак толкова сама, докато растях и търсех мястото си под слънцето, не са имали кой да направи същото за тях.

Книгата на Дарън е една изключително красива и лична изповед.

[Matt Parker · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir is a deeply moving and introspective journey. In a world where fame often pulls celebrities away from reality, Darren is a rare exception. While success, wealth, and the spotlight can distort one’s sense of self, Darren remains grounded, holding onto his humanity in ways few do. His authenticity shines here, as he reveals a vulnerability that few celebrities are willing to share. Despite the relentless pressures of living up to chart-topping success, Darren has found joy, gratitude, and fulfillment beyond fame’s trappings. In this memoir, he opens his heart and shows us that true happiness doesn’t come from wealth or the validation of others; it lies in self-love and embracing one’s truth.

Darren, may you continue to find peace and joy, knowing your music has touched countless lives. You have a legacy to be proud of, and this memoir stands as a testament to that.

This book will resonate with anyone who has struggled to embrace their truth or recognize their worth. Through his honest prose, Darren tells a story that is both inspiring and relatable, offering comfort to those who may feel alone. Even if this memoir doesn’t reach the millions his music has, its value is undeniable. As clichéd as it sounds, if this story helps even one person feel less isolated, it will have been worth it. Writing this memoir has surely brought Darren a measure of healing, helping him make peace with his past and recognize his unique, indelible impact on the world.

Darren’s voice and heart have made the world a better place, in ways he may never fully realize. And, perhaps most importantly, he doesn’t need his music or even this memoir to prove his worth. Darren, you are inherently special and deserving of all the love and happiness in the world simply for being who you are. You are—and always will be—lovable, just as you are.

Thank you for sharing your heart with us and for the gift of this memoir.

[Cheyenne · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a privilege to read these pages.

I’m Australian so of course I know savage garden. I remember hearing their songs playing around my house, on the radio, on Rage (ah the memories!) when I was 5 years old. I also know some of Hayes songs, but this - reading this book - opened up a whole new world for me. Captivating, vivid, raw and emotionally charged, this was such a well written, heartbreaking memoir. One of the best!

What Hayes went through as a child, how he never felt safe and how that lasted through into adulthood was intense to read. I cried several times. His father, a domestic abuser and animal abuser was horrific towards his family and the innocent.

Not one moment of these 300+ pages did I find myself not absolutely immersed in every word, emotion, sensation. Darren, you should be proud.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m one of those fans who waited 20 years to see Darren Hayes live in concert last year. Together with my sister, it was one of the best experiences I can remember. Reading his story is just the cherry on top.

It’s a heavy read at times. But in classic Darren form, it’s heartbreakingly beautiful. His lyricism shines through in his writing, and I’m astounded just how much he went through without letting on to the public. I also recognised little parts of myself, such as noticing a friend’s disconnect and the panic of trying to fix it in case they leave you, or the retreating into a fantasy world during high school bullying. I cannot applaud his honesty enough.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

And this is why you NEVER judge, you don't know what happens behind closed doors.

Darren grew up in South East Queensland, Australia. He suffered abuse, bullying and torment at the hands of his father and peers at school. Unfortunately he is still dealing with the ramifications of these actions to this day.

"I'm the son of something monstrous, something evil, and therefore I am monstrous and evil. I am a burden, I am unlovable."

The words in this book are so lyrical, so beautiful, so heart-breaking. If you didn't know that Darren was a songwriter would you have to assume he is a writer or poet of sorts. There are so many quotes that truly resonated with me coming from bullying for the majority of the life and self hatred that I had. In a way, Darren made me feel not alone. He made me feel like if he can do it, so can I.

In conclusion, "Unlovable" is one of the saddest and hardest memoirs I've listened too to date - from the beginning of his violent childhood, to teenage school yards, discovering his sexuality when already married to a women, overnight success in a band where the members were colleagues and not friends, depression, anxiety, self hate and people misunderstanding him - Darren has successfully survived a lot and my heart absolutely broke for him, but it also sung and I'm so glad he is still with us!

Thank you for sharing your story, thank you for your music and I hope that you can continue to thrive.

[Miz · Rating 4 out of 5]

And just like that, I have all the background to my 90s fav hits that are now back in rotation on my playlists.

The hurt is palpable on the page; and wow, so much hurt. The various chapters could have been edited together better but by the second half of the book, it hit it's stride and it was a fabulously-hard read.

[Cheryl Watson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listened to the audiobook. What an amazing emotional listen it was. I have always loved this man from the early days of Savage Garden to now. What an amazing human ❤️

[Kathryn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Darren Hayes memoir may be called Unloveable (the title is taken from one of his most powerful songs) but at its heart is a testimony to the beauty and the power of the love of his mother, Judy, to whom the book is dedicated. Growing up in the rough outer suburbs of Brisbane, Darren Hayes was a kid with a big imagination who was deeply loved by his mum and his older sister, Tracey. He dreamed of being a pop star, worked at the coolest indie record store in town and eventually went on to sell something along the lines of thirty million albums as the front man of Savage Garden--an Australian band that had number one hits across the globe, including two number one hits in the United States. He sang onstage with Pavarotti. He then went on to have a respectable solo career, continuing to sell out venues and releasing an impressive five albums. (Six if you count his side project, We Are Smug.) Unbeknownst to the public who loved his music--and the media who focused on how Savage Garden and Darren Hayes were a true success story--he was hiding a dark secret. It was a secret that could only be hinted at through songs like Two Beds and a Coffee Machine and Crash and Burn. His father was a violent alcoholic who would beat and threaten his wife, his children and the few people who did their best to protect them. And through it all, his mum did her best to protect Darren and his siblings, just as they tried to protect her.

Unloveable is an incredibly raw and compelling memoir. I found it tough going at times, in particular the descriptions of the violence and manipulation experienced in the family home. I had to put it down on occasions to breathe and gather my thoughts, and remind myself that this, this, is testimony to how we never know what someone else is going through--after all, here was the hero whose songs who'd helped me survive the worst parts of high school and it turned out that his childhood had some truly dark moments. School was not easy for him and teachers were often complicit in the bullying he experienced--or in one instance where he was called names an punished for helping a friend style her hair--they were the bullies. There is also a lot of discussion on the author's sexuality--of how he tried to navigate that when people kept trying to tell him who he was--often cruelly--before he had a chance to know who he was. Fortunately, this is also another part of the memoir that is testimony to love--that of his wife Colby who loved him enough to let him go and discover who he was. (She sounds like such a lovely person.) And obviously there is a lot about Savage Garden. He depicts his bandmate Daniel Jones as a cool and distant person who pulled the rug out from under him when the band was at the peak of their success. He is also honest about his time in therapy, the ending of his second marriage and his family history of depression. Obviously, these are tough topics, but they are handled with honesty and class. Hayes writes very well. I've also had a feeling that Unloveable could very easily go viral on BookTok. (Time will tell, I suppose.)

This was an incredible insight into the life of a unique and much loved Australian musician. Hayes has the courage to be vulnerable as he confides in the reader his life story. Although tough going Unloveable is a book that I am most definitely grateful to have read and not because I was looking for the inside story of a band that I was obsessed with when I was in my teens. It is an insight into domestic violence, sexuality, depression and a sage reminder that we don't know what might be going on in another person's life. And, as I said at the start of the review, it is also testimony to the powerful love that his mother had for her children.

Highly recommended.

This review also appears on my blog, Kathryn’s Inbox.

[Miranda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read a number of autobiographies/memoirs recently and this was the only one that didn’t come across bitter or self-pitying, which is a big part of the reason I’ve given it 5 stars. It’s unsurprising that Darren Hayes was able to write this book so descriptively and poetically, given his track record of evocative and beautiful lyrics, but more surprising that he was able to do so with such a truthful blend of vulnerability and authenticity. A tragic story, with a hopeful ending. I’m grateful for the honesty with which it was told.

[Lauren Knox · Rating 5 out of 5]

Woah. Such a deeply moving read. Darren was incredibly vulnerable and intimate with his words. Such a stirring tale of mental health and the ongoing impacts of trauma on a person. He deserves nothing but peace and happiness.

[Steph · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely heartbreaking read.

[Lachy Scott · Rating 2 out of 5]

Clearly a remarkable story and life but I found the writing very repetitive and like there wasn’t much thought put into the chronology of the storytelling.

[Rachael McDiarmid · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this very sad. I didn’t know much about Darren Hayes but loved Savage Garden and bought the first two solo albums he did after that as well. For all that success to feel that alone, often depressed and suicidal, having no real self worth made ME feel low. Early trauma defines who we are and he had an awful experience growing up. Apart from the domestic violence and abuse, it also made me want to talk to many of my gay friends about what high school was really like for them in the 80s. What did they know back then about themselves and how did they get through each day? We carry scars from these experiences. Darren carries a lot. His story is an important one to tell. Also: he’s not unlovable. And he needs hugs! A lot of them.

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been a fan of Darren and Savage Garden for many years and this was an unexpected birthday gift from my sister at the end of 2024. I read it over the past couple of days and couldn't put it down. Unlovable is a bittersweet and heartbreaking read. So often I wanted to reach into the pages and give Darren a big hug and tell him things would be okay. I appreciate the rawness and candidness of his story. Who would have thought all of that was happening behind the scenes? The struggle with depression (PTSD) and anxiety, the struggle with identity and place in the world, with much of the trauma brought on from a childhood witnessing domestic violence against his beautiful mum by his malevolent father (not gonna lie I wanted to punch his lights out and hoped something bad happened to him in the end).

This memoir made me appreciate Darren a lot more, and now Savage Garden songs and his solo work take on greater meaning knowing who and what inspired many of the lyrics. I listened to "Crash and Burn" today and just cried because I felt his pain! This is a heavier read than most, but I think it's a critical and important one especially for those who are struggling with their own battles. Mental health needs to be discussed, and I was so happy to hear about the special therapy for memory reprocessing he had been undertaking that seemed to be helping him. I hope Darren continues to thrive and live out the rest of his life with a lot more peace and contentment. Thank you for sharing your life with us all, we love you.

[Danielle Clive · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not the biggest fan of memoirs but I have followed Darren's whole career and really enjoyed his narration.

[Neko · Rating 4 out of 5]

This autobiography should almost come with a trigger warning. If you're in a bad frame of mind, this may not be the best autobiography to read, OR it could be the complete opposite, and it'll somehow help you.

I started this Audible like a day or two after it arrived in my "shelf" as I'd preordered it like 3 or 4 months in advance. I always love to listen to the writer themselves read their own book. It somehow makes me connect to it more.

I grew up as a teenager listening to Savage Garden's albums. I had two moments in my life with their debut album that will always stay in my memory. They were two very different experiences which I won't discuss here.

Anyways, this book talks at length about violence abuse towards himself and family members, an asshole father who would regularly beat up his mother, deep depression, years of trauma afterwards and his confusion towards his own sexuality. It also goes into detail about Savage Gardens' break up and how Darren wasn't to blame for it, it was Daniel!

This autobiography is a roller-coaster of a very sad ride.

What it didn't really share was any real good moments in his life. I mean, there were things that started out good but always seemed to flip and turn ugly. His recounts of Savage Garden were a mixture of good and bad. Maybe I've latched onto the negative because it was fairly overwhelming.

I remember when hearing his song lyrics, "I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality," from the Affirmation album for the first time. At that stage, I was questioning my own sexuality. Somehow, those lyrics made my soul feel lighter, and I wasn't doing anything wrong.

Truly one for Darren Hayes fans and Savage Garden fans alike. Be prepared for Darren's accent to sound somewhat hybrid if you get the Audible.

[MCalhen MCalhen · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, admittedly, I've been a fan of Darren Hayes's music for years. It started with Savage Garden in 1997 when I was playing my radio in the garage because our small house meant being around my own crappy father.

And that's essentially what speaks to me the most in this book, and what probably has spoken to me as a listener of his music. I feel the pain of being bullied, of feeling that I don't really fit in, and even the "pay for love" bit brought up in this book stung closely. It takes so much courage to open up about trauma and wounds, particularly enduring them in childhood - where we often don't have any agency and people are less likely to believe us or brush it off as normal parenting. People don't want to get involved. Governments do nothing to protect us.

Some of that carries through our entire lives.

I knew about Darren's battles with the music industry to some vague degree, but hearing the details makes me sad a bit. Savage Garden's music changed my life, but so did songs Darren did during his solo career. I have not a lick of musical talent, but I love writing, and I have listened to his music while typing away stories on my keyboard - stories that tackle my own abuse, but they're fiction, because I'm not this brave. I'm not able to write about what I went through, the way Darren talks about what he went through.

I hope that writing this helped him at least a little bit, because I know it's not a one-and-done thing where talking about your problems helps and you never revisit them. But I hope there's liberation in getting the words out and told, and to have validation from an audience that wishes he could have experienced - the way all children ought to be able to experience - safety and security.

[Ezequiel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Savage Garden since 1997 when they released their first single "I Want You" and I became obsessed with it. Their two albums are both masterpieces and I've been following Darren's solo career ever since.

This autobiography uncovers his childhood in a violent home, on top of bullying and other challenges he had to go through in his early years. He then moves on to the story of setting up the duo but all the mental health issues he's experienced over the years, coming out as gay to the world and ends up with a hopeful mood of looking forward to what life will bring up next.

I loved to learn the background to some of his songs, I didn't know they were inspired in real life events, which was a shock to learn. It's a story about resiliency and contrast of success and pain.

Listening to Darren reading the audiobook was a pleasure. Wish you the best Darren, thanks for your music and for sharing your story! I hope I get to see you live one day!

[Sarah (is clearing her shelves) · Rating 5 out of 5]

A totally open, honest, and vulnerable account of a traumatic childhood and an erratic career in the spotlight that has taken him from the top of the music world to near obscurity. I was really surprised about the reality of Darren's relationship with Daniel Jones. I always thought that bandmates would be friends (Bon Jovi, The Backstreet Boys, Bruce Springsteen and his band), or at least become friends while working together, so hearing that Daniel literally told Darren that they aren't friends and that he wants nothing more than a working relationship with him made me a bit angry on Darren's behalf. I guess the one positive point is that at least it wasn't related to any kind of homophobia, but listening to Darren talk about the way Daniel treated him still left a sour taste in my mouth and has changed the way I remember the Savage Garden concert I went to in 1997 (my first concert, in fact).

I hope Hayes can find some lasting stability and happiness for the rest of his life because it seems to me he really deserves it.

[Joanne Hale · Rating 5 out of 5]

A biography from the singer Darren Hayes, front man to the band Savage Garden, solo artist, and writer. Eye opening with a touch of sadness and reality of abuse and trying to make it out to the other side. There is so much happening in the background of his music, so much trauma and emotions behind his lyrics. A must-read of Darren Hayes fans.

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been a long time fan of Darren Hayes and have been lucky to see him in concert for the first time last year (hopefully not the last). It has been such a blessing to hear his story spoken in his own words. While he’s been through a lot since a child, ultimately this is a story of forgiveness, overcoming, and a developing a new lens on life. There is a light on the other side of the tunnel.

[Matthew · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just brilliant

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the saddest books I have read in a long time

[June · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh, my god, did this make me cry with an impossible spectrum of feelings. I have no words.

[Gael · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this memoir so much. I have too much to say, I'll have to collect my thoughts before I write more of a review.

[Michael McEvoy · Rating 4 out of 5]

The severe childhood abuse and enduring PTSD was heartbreaking to read. Also a lot of great intel about Savage Garden.

[Tearna Lancaster · Rating 4 out of 5]

the saddest book I've read all year
so glad I say him live as a solo act xx