Care and Feeding: A Memoir – A Candid, Funny, and Devastating Story of the Food World and a Cultural Reckoning

by Laurie Woolever

An Instant New York Times Bestseller!

A candid, funny, and occasionally devastating memoir of a woman making her way through the food world, navigating addiction, a cultural reckoning, and an unexpected tragedy

In this moving, hilarious, and insightful bestselling memoir, Laurie Woolever traces her path from a small-town childhood to working at revered restaurants and food publications, alternately bolstered and overshadowed by two of the most powerful men in the business. But there’s more to the story than the two bold-faced names on her Mario Batali and Anthony Bourdain.

Behind the scenes, Laurie’s life is frequently chaotic, an often pleasurable buffet of bad decisions at which she frequently overstays her welcome. Acerbic and wryly self-deprecating, Laurie attempts to carve her own space as a woman in this world that is by turns toxic and intoxicating. Laurie seeks to try it all—from a seedy Atlantic City strip club to the Park Hyatt Tokyo, from a hippie vegetarian co-op to the legendary El Bulli—while balancing her consuming work with her sometimes ambivalent relationship to marriage and motherhood.

As the food world careens toward an overdue reckoning and Laurie’s mentors face their own high-profile descents, she is confronted with the questions of where she belongs and how to hold on to the parts of her life’s work that she truly care and feeding.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Food, Audiobook, Biography Memoir, Biography, Foodie

347 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 11, 2025

Reviews

[Rowan MacDonald · Rating 2 out of 5]

This could easily be re-titled Insufferable People: The Book.

Care and Feeding depicts Laurie Woolever’s journey into the culinary world, detailing the high-end New York restaurant scene and her work as personal assistant to chefs, Mario Batali and Anthony Bourdain.

In another life, I went to hospitality school and trained in fine dining. I worked front of house in the industry for a few years. While far removed from New York’s scene, I was ultimately glad to escape, partly due to the toxic culture that Laurie depicts in the book.

“Every night in the kitchen, once the tickets started coming in, the pace was relentless.”

I considered abandoning this, yet became hooked – unable to look away from an unfolding trainwreck. It was interesting to learn about Laurie’s writing career and her time working for Bourdain.

“The defining element of my job was making his life easier and providing him exactly what he asked for, as quickly as possible.”

There were only so many pretentious elements I could handle though. It was difficult to enjoy, with no redeemable qualities found in anyone. Chapters resembled a broken record. Occasionally, the author showed a glimmer of self-awareness; fleeting mention of her delusional self-centeredness – but with rampant lying and deception, it was hard to believe.

This flowed like a rock star memoir without the enjoyable soundtrack. Chefs sexually assaulted others and killed dogs, while the author engaged in affairs with whoever she pleased. During one section, the author wrote about wanting to confess her infidelities and fantasies to friends – words that could easily apply to her writing style and memoir.

“I wanted to shock my audience; I wanted their attention and admiration and approval, and I wanted them to help me justify my past and future bad behavior to myself.”

Much of the book was preoccupied with the author trying to portray herself, almost romantically, as the flawed and struggling writer, grappling with alcoholism, affairs, and her place in the world. She seemed completely unaware of her immense privilege.

“All my streaming services are the cheap versions, with ads…”

By the end, the author felt like an annoying house guest you never invited, someone who had well and truly outstayed their welcome – a decent editor could’ve easily cut 20,000-30,000 words.

Eventually there was something resembling a conclusion – being grateful to be happy and alive – yet we never saw tangible proof. We just landed at this place, having gone the long way, but with no idea how we reached that point in the story. And that’s perhaps half the issue – there was no point. This memoir fails to justify its existence other than belatedly jumping on social movements and riding Bourdain’s legacy, dressing it up with intermittent descriptions of food.

Unfortunately, I can’t recommend this – especially if you’re vegetarian, vegan, or allergic to cheating alcoholics. There are better memoirs on addiction or the food industry.

I’m sending this one back to the kitchen.

Many thanks to Affirm Press for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Lauren Coffey · Rating 2 out of 5]

When it was actually the musings of what it was like to be an assistant to Mario and Tony — what the days entailed of and the wonderful descriptions of the massive amounts of food they ate — this was incredibly enjoyable. Unfortunately, that only comprised of about 30 percent of the book with the majority filled with her drinking and drug fueled escapades, reminiscent of your friend at brunch you just want to shake for seemingly attempting to throw away a life most would kill for.

[Hannah • So Obsessed With · Rating 1 out of 5]

There is no amount of money I could be paid to put these life choices into print.

[Dave G · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a pretty good memoir. Woolever writes about the good and bad in her life, and there is a lot of bad in her life coupled with a lot of good. The writing seems genuine and not all whiney, a common problem with memoirs from privileged people. Woolever may not think she is, but she is, compared to most individuals.

Always a difficult task to critique or criticize a memoir. It is a person’s life after all. She was honest so I will be, too. Woolever doesn’t seem to be a very nice person at all. She screwed, literally and figuratively, a lot of people. She purposefully made life for the people closer to her. And then she wrote a book about it, exposing her son and ex-husband to more harm. I can only hope the proceeds from this book go into a savings account for her son.

The book is a worthy read for the writing and story aspect of it. But the story is about doing more harm than good. She nails Mario Batali to the wall but, in truth, was she any better than him? You can judge.

[Tanith Lee · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ultimately, not everyone needs to publish a memoir. After this experience, I now think there should be a rule of thumb where if you’re writing a memoir, you should have ask yourself: “If Brittany Spears can tell her life story and provide readers with meaningful insight into her life in a tight 288 pages, do I really need more than that to tell my life story?” In this case, the answer is no. I kept naively hoping this story was building to some kind of point that ties back to the alleged theme of this book, care and feeding. Spoiler: it did not. In fact, I would say there was a distinct LACK of care, only a tiny bit of feeding, and a whole lot of toxic destructive behavior we had to slog our way through to reach the end of this book. If you’re still considering reading this with the hope that this book is at least filled with entertaining behind-the-scenes looks into the industry, don’t bother. That content made up maybe 50 pages of the book. There are better books out there that will give you that. This truly should have just been an essay or collection of essays, it would have come off much better and been more engaging in that format.

As a final warning, if for whatever reason you still decide to proceed with reading this book, maybe avoid the audiobook. Usually I love when authors reads their memoirs, but in this case I have truly never encountered a slower audiobook and I have listened to a LOT of audiobooks in my life. I usually listen to books on 1.4x speed, but this one had to be turned up to 1.6x speed to be bearable and I even considered going faster.

[Brandice · Rating 3 out of 5]

Laurie Woolever has had an interesting career in the culinary industry, working with Mario Batali and Anthony Bourdain, among other posts in kitchens and for various publications. She details her experience and personal life in her memoir, Care and Feeding.

I enjoyed learning about Laurie’s experience in the kitchen and writing for/with these chefs and others in the industry, though her experiences weren’t always positive and I felt for her. Despite this, throughout her career, Laurie has been able to do cool things, visit unique places, and truly, experience a lot.

I enjoyed reading about her personal life less. Nobody is perfect, we all have challenges and struggles we face in and outside of work, however, I grew impatient reading (what felt like) serious repetition of questionable choices and self-destruction. I admire Laurie’s commitment to sobriety especially in an industry often associated with high alcohol and substance consumption.

I appreciate the stories Laurie shared related to her work experience in Care and Feeding and hope she finds fulfillment in her future personal and professional endeavors.

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

I always have the hardest time reviewing memoirs. It’s someone’s account of their life and the events that made them. This one was wonderfully written, to the point it was pretty easy to get lost in the author’s words and play a movie in your head. Highly enjoyed and recommended to anyone who is interested in food, living, and learning from life. Thank you to the author and Goodreads for an arc.

[Justin Browning · Rating 1 out of 5]

I hate to be mean but I think me and the editor were both bored based on how many typos there were :/

[Bailey Douglass · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a memoir about Laurie Woolever's adult life. It's bookended, as you've probably heard, her work with Mario Batali and Anthony Bourdain. The book is about her lived experience, mistakes, wins, growth, and smallness. If you want this book to center the men she. worked for and explain their behavior, you're going to be disappointed.

To me, her personal story, and the discomfort many readers seem to have with it. is actually much more interesting.

I think it's important to talk about Woolever's overall arc and behavior separately from the way that she addresses working for Mario Batali, now a known workplace predator and serial harasser.

About Batali- She unflinchingly relates her lack of action and, in some cases joining in, as Mario Batali revoltingly turns her work environment into a sexually charged cess pool. Some reviewers have said that this means that she is a bad person. I'd argue that it is an act of bravery to be honest about ways in which you've failed.

While she was working for Batali, she was a victim of his abuse herself and was not in a position to speak up without great professional risk to herself. Other women going through worse things does not discount her horrendous-sounding experience. After she no longer works for him, she stays silent because she is trying to move forward with her life, and because she's worried that she will lose her livelihood by speaking up against such a powerful person.

I've been a whistleblower in a less networked industry than Woolever's, and even with protections in place, it's terrifying. Years later I find myself wondering whether people I come across in other professional contexts knew that history. I constantly worry about a backchannel reference going to a person who was involved ruining my opportunity for a dream job. It's brave for a victim to speak up against terrible behavior, it's also understandable when they prioritize other things to protect themselves and continue building a career in a misogynistic industry.

About her story overall--This is a nonfiction account of a woman making decisions based on her own needs and desires. Some of them are very selfish and destructive toward other people. It's not a spoiler to say that over the course of the book she reflects and changes her approach in some areas, but also stands by many of her decisions in a way that may make some people uncomfortable. She details relationships, aborted job opportunities, benders, trauma she experienced, trauma that others experienced while she stood by, ambivalence about her role as a wife and mother, and a lot of great meals.

Reading this book reminded me of a lot of "bad boy" memoirs that glorify male chefs (and male celebrities of other kinds) who live fast and hard, betray their partners, sleep around and overindulge. Indeed, Bourdain, who has been all but canonized after his death, has produced many such artifacts. I've already seen some people (ok, all men) who are uncomfortable about this and seem to say that as a result her story is not worth telling.. I've never known moral perfection to be a requirement for a memoir written by a man, so it's interesting that when we find a woman who was in many ways a victim of this system we use that argument to devalue her experience.

This book reminded me of Miranda July's novel All Fours, which was a critical darling last summer. All Fours is about a woman who leaves her family to do a lot of self-indulgent and in some case damaging things, without any kind of professional obligation to do so. That book celebrates her consequence-free journey, even referencing an underage male character being sexually groomed and. raped by an older woman without acknowledging that this is what he's describing. Was this more comfortable for reviewers because it's ostensibly fictional? Because the reviewers were from the literature section and not the food and wine section of their publication? Because Woolever is still living her life and ending in a place where there's more story to come?

Woolever tells her story effectively and unapolegitically. Woolever is glutenous, lustful, irresponsible and out of control. She is a mother but her identity and role within the book is not "mother." While she has empathy for the people she hurt with her behavior, she also has empathy for herself through this journey. Without ever saying it explicitly the male chef-children are a foil for her arc, which includes a great deal more self reflection than we're used to seeing from them. Perhaps it's the reflection itself that makes these readers so uncomfortable. Reading her story can make you feel a little bit tired, a little bit overstuffed and almost hungover. That's what makes it effective.

The critical fascination with the men she writes about makes me wonder if those reviewers were looking for the book to be more about them than her. Ultimately, Woolever is a woman who has spent her career on the sidelines of powerful men. She can provide insights but she is not going to be able to solve the questions about why they've done what they did. She's not Anthony Bourdain. She's already written his story and this is her opportunity to tell hers.

Laurie Woolever's story would be worth telling even if she hadn't rubbed elbows with the famous men who are getting this book headlines right now.I’m glad that I read it and for the readers who have a problem with Woolever admitted flaws, consider their own glass house before throwing stones.

Thank you to Ecco and NetGalley for giving me an advance copy of this book for an unbiased review.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have a LOT to say about this book.

Much of the criticism directed at Care and Feeding seems to revolve around a perceived deficit of material about Woolever’s two famous bosses, Mario Batali and Anthony Bourdain. I’ve read some other comments criticizing Woolever for focusing too much on her personal rather than professional life.

I cannot tell you guys how unfair that is to Woolever, and how irritating that is in general. Is a memoir not one of the most, if not the actual most, personal genres to exist? This book is a memoir. Not a narrative of all the tiny pieces of information she has come to know or been exposed to as a result of her proximity to two world-famous celebrity chefs as their respective assistants.

Also, New York has a borderline mystical knack for connecting the newest, youngest, and brokest members of its populace with all-consuming, usually extremely cool jobs that suck your soul out through your mouth and expect you to say, “wow, thank you so, so much” in return. Anyone who has started out in New York, ambitious and naive and living paycheck to paycheck in a tiny gross Manhattan apartment that would be condemned in any other city, knows that your “I’m on call 24/7” professional life and personal life are, more often than not, the exact same thing.

I, personally, LOVED this book. Woolever identifies what I consider to be the backbone of the book about 75% of the way through: “Very few people are curious about the unknown women who prop up the work of important men.” How fascinating, mainly because it’s true: without Mario Batali or Tony Bourdain, Woolever never would’ve found herself bringing tv shows and books to life. She was lucky in that sense. But without Woolever, or maybe someone similar, the legacies of Batali and Bourdain would look different than they do today. Appetites and Parts Unknown - neither could ever be a one-man job. Both needed someone behind the scenes, guiding and scrapping and thinking quickly and creatively, more or less 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I also loved reading about her life in New York - the restaurant culture party scene in the 90s leaked drugs and alcohol and sex out of its very pores. Woolever’s insidious descent into alcoholism, and the decades she spent as a high functioning alcoholic, before she decided to get sober made this book nearly impossible to put down. Yes, she affirms Mario Batali was a serial harasser, and reveals the last text she received from Tony Bourdain before his death, but those were honestly not what made this book so good. I’m sad it’s over, and hope she writes more in the future.

Ginormous thank you to book of the month for putting this fantastic read on my radar!

[Emily Poche · Rating 3 out of 5]

I purchased this as one of my March BOTM selections. Historically, I love a food industry memoir and so I snatched this up. Before I get into the review, I’m going to personally say that Mario Batali can kick rocks with open toed shoes on forever. Even if all she did was share her own experience, the way she phrased his actions made him seem like a warm glass of vomit in orange clogs.

The good: Woolever is a talented writer. She’s charming, funny, and makes some great descriptions. She’s also admirably honest about her good qualities and her bad choices.

The bad: this book really can be repetitive. It felt at times like some of the inclusions of her bad behavior didn’t really serve a narrative goal besides making me feel like she had lost the plot. Writing about substance abuse and personal moral failings can be difficult but when it starts to feel boring and circular, it could use some editing.

I think a lot of the difficulty of assessing memoirs comes from separating my personal feelings for the author from the work. If you have trouble reading about people acting selfishly or with only their own interests at heart, you’ll hate this book, no matter how well written it is. For me, she’s a somewhat amusing but unlovable character. Personally, I’d be mortified if my own family member (mother, spouse, child) wrote about their indifference to me the way she did. But at the end of the day, that’s not the point. The point is it’s a very solidly written memoir with some interesting behind-the-scenes looks at some celebrity chefs.

For me it’s a 3.5/5.

[Anastasia · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was horrible. I cannot believe it got published. Her life story is absolutely miserable. And it’s the same stuff over and over again. Shes not an interesting person at all besides that she was an assistant to Anthony Bourdain which he turns out to be truly miserable too. I just cannot get over how this got published. So bad.

[Katryna Spearman · Rating 2 out of 5]

How was this greenlit? Talk about an unlikeable narrator… it was really interesting to hear about Batali and Bordain and I find myself wanting to go down a Bordain rabbit hole. But seriously, this is a wildly unlikeable story.

[Jillian Wertzberger · Rating 3 out of 5]

girl what girl no girl please girl don't girl what girl no girl please girl why girl how --me reading this book

[Lindsay Hampson · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ok - so while I basically I never write reviews, I feel compelled to in this case. I really despised this book. It was exploitative, poorly edited, and I was never able to feel anything but utter contempt and disdain for the author. As the author wrote ‘I am a piece of sh*t’ - which pretty much summed it up.

[Joanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fast paced, raw, and delectably juicy. I devoured it in a day.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Come for the celebrity chef tea; stay for the trainwreck. I could not put down this memoir which describes the author's life in the restaurant and foodie world. By her own admission she was in many ways very fortunate because working for Batali and Bourdain opened doors for her professionally and allowed her experiences that most would envy, but constant gender-related harrassment, long hours working in an environment where substance abuse was the norm, and living on a financial knife edge took a toll.

Although there are plenty of anecdotes about her famous former bosses and some celebrity mentions, this book was actually quite dark and depressing because the author spent those same years as an addict with mental health issues who engaged in behavior that was destructive to herself and her family. She does not spare the reader, and it was particularly difficult reading about the very slow dissolution of her marriage to a man who seemed like a nice person and good father.

The author has been sober for 6 years and is doing fine, but wow.... this book was not what I expected.

[Elizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

Despite having read the synopsis, I don’t think I grasped just how much of an addiction memoir this tried to be. The stories of being drunk, stoned and cheating on her husband were just absolutely relentless and somewhat tedious after a while. What drove me nuts was not her honesty about her behavior but the lack of insight into why. I think I prefer memoirs like this that include reflection about the underlying issues but that reflection was very surface-level to me here. I still don’t know why she started getting drunk and high all the time to begin with. She sort of expresses some self-loathing but again, why? Where is that coming from? Her childhood? Family life? I’m glad she experienced a lot of growth with stopping the unhealthy behaviors but there’s just not a lot of insight beyond that.

[Tara Cignarella · Rating 5 out of 5]

Care and Feeding by Laurie Woolever
Audio Version
Overall Grade: A-
Information: A
Writing/Organization: A-
Narration: A-
Best Aspect: Very detailed and interesting story about a person I knew nothing about. Fans of Anthony Bourdain will enjoy this.
Worst Aspect: Often sad, actually would have enjoyed more talk of food.
Recommend: Yes.

[Heather Lilia · Rating 4 out of 5]

A remarkably tender, laugh out loud, self-scathing rollercoaster of a novel. This book was an absolute joy to read... deeply self reflective (and appropriately critical), hilarious (in a way it absolutely shouldn't have been but was), and a bona fide love letter to the service and food industry (for all of its good and all of the bad). The radical honesty with which Woolever writes is nearly eyewatering, so taboo that it makes you wince, laugh, and shake your head... but also very relatable and very nostalgic in its own way. For someone who doesn't typically gravitate towards nonfiction novels, this book read like a contemporary fiction story, made all the more special by the fact that every single encounter and memory in it is real. If you are a person who loves food, or who once worked in the service industry, has ever struggled with addiction, or was ever just a messy ass 22 year old... you NEED to read this book.

[Kris · Rating 2 out of 5]

Tedious and exhausting

[Jeanne Puckett · Rating 1 out of 5]

A self-indulgent “cash-in” on recognizable names. This book is about neither Care nor Feeding.

[Karly Loar · Rating 1 out of 5]

I hated this so much. I struggled through it only because it was my BOTM book selection.
I have nothing nice to say. If I was to honestly review this it would involve a ton of cussing and spewing about how much I loath this woman’s choices.
There is no point to this memoir. The narrator is completely uninteresting beyond who she knows and the opportunities she gained because of knowing them and working for them. I was bamboozled into reading this with promises of the NYC food scene and the like. Instead, it’s a miserable middle aged woman vomiting all of her terrible, repulsive life choices into a book that somehow got published.
If you would like to read about a woman who is an addict, is handed every opportunity, is somehow in a loving marriage, seems to get everything she wants, and then just shits on EVERYTHING, every day, all the time, because she is vile and selfish, please continue.

[Melissa Penney]

Joining the camp of not-rating-memoirs because it’s someone’s life and it’s weird to put stars on that.

That said, this was a pretty hard read for me, recounting 20 years of addiction and apathy with little time spent on redemption in the end.

[Shay Leszinske · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alive and Raw. I couldn’t put it down. I really don’t have anymore words… Read this book. You won’t be disappointed. I recieved this book through Goodreads.

[Katy O.]

I pray to my secular gods that no one ever lets me tell this many secrets to the world, and also that I never have secrets remotely like these ones to share.

You know when you see something on social media and are like, "damn, they're probably going to regret sharing that later"? That's how I felt the entire time reading this massively anxiety-inducing memoir, cringing a little harder at every single self-destructive behavior (so many. so many. so many. on every page), just waiting for the train to hit her, and somehow almost sorry that it didn't because maybe it would have saved her way earlier?

If you love reading about depressed, alcoholic, cannabis addicts who enjoy copious amounts of extramarital sex with strangers ... this will be perfect for you. I can't say I enjoyed reading it, but I certainly learned a lot about a completely foreign way of existing in the world. I felt much the same way reading this as I did reading All Fours - shock, horror, couldn't look away, and so desperately glad I have never lived this way.

Source: public library hardcover

[Farrah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I almost didn’t read this book because of all the negative reviews on Goodreads but I’m glad I did. People were really mad that she was an alcoholic and drug addict who made bad choices and they were just eviscerating her for detailing them in this memoir and not doing “better” at life. Which I find bizarre because what else is a memoir for?? I thought she was an excellent writer and storyteller and I was fully interested in and invested in the entire book.

[jess · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars. A very Gen Z, soul-bearing memoir about the nyc food scene, writing, and addiction from the former personal assistant of notable celeb chefs.

[Colleen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really, desperately want to say something intellectual about this book. About how it’s a raw, unfiltered, vulnerable truth about all the darkest, most grotesque parts of people. I want to advocate for the brutal honesty, the dry humor, and gruesome details. But I can’t, so I won’t.

This book, while true, is ultimately a story about a pretty terrible person, with a pretty decent life, getting shitfaced at nearly every opportunity or inconvenience. It is not - as the title may suggest - about caring for people through feeding them. And though the final chapters may preach sobriety and prayer and a lesson learned, there is no remarkable change to be found in my opinion.

I was intrigued, then mostly bored and slightly perturbed. It was a train wreck that at the very least made me feel better about my own life circumstances and sense of self, but as I listened to it, I kept losing track of people and places and what the purpose of this story even was beyond serving a lifetime of shame on a platter to be prettily sliced and consumed by paying diners.

Maybe memoirs just aren’t my cup of tea.

[Steve Warsaw · Rating 5 out of 5]

While the author wrote the Bourdain biography amid some controversy, this memoir portrays a flawed but strong woman in crisis until a life epiphany presents itself. Woolever's prose is great and she writes with great emotional intelligence.