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Switch Bitch
Penguin Audiobooks presents Roald Dahl's "Switch Bitch", a collection of darkly humourous short stories from one of Britain's best-loved authors. It is complete, unabridged and brought to life by an all-star cast including Richard E. Grant and Derek Jacobi. Topping and tailing this collection are "The Visitor and Bitch", stories featuring Dahl's notorious hedonist Oswald Hendryks Cornelius (or plain old Uncle Oswald) whose exploits are frequently as extraordinary as they are scandalous. In the middle, meanwhile, are "The Great Switcheroo" and "The Last Act", two stories exploring a darker side of desire and pleasure. In the black comedies of "Switch Bitch" Roald Dahl brilliantly captures the ins and outs, highs and lows of sex. Further Dahl short story volumes publishing in September 2012: "Over To You", "Someone Like You", and "Kiss, Kiss" recorded with high-profile readers including Derek Jacobi, Cillian Murphy, Richard E Grant, Julian Rhind-Tutt, Juliet Stevenson, Richard Griffiths, Rik Mayall with many more to be announced.
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First published January 1, 1974
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December 10, 2020
What did I just read? WHAT DID I JUST READ???
This was NO Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. This was designed for a much, much older and maturer audience. My eyes. Scrub my eyes. This is not the Dahl I remembered.
The Visitor - Oh good Lawd. Where to start. Should I start with how this old pervy Uncle Oswald finds himself alone in the desert and is rescued by a fine Middle-Eastern man (who has a gorgeous wife and daughter) and how the uncle couldn't decide which he'd rather screw? His host's wife or his host's barely-legal daughter? Or the fact that there was actual sex scenes? Or how this was told in such a light-hearted, la-ti-da fashion? Made my skin crawl.
The Great Switcheroo - Two neighbors go to great lengths to swap wives for one night. They are terrible excuses for husbands - they made sure that everything was the same - height, weight, male genitalia, lovemaking techniques (etc) all so they could go swinging without their wives noticing. Pretty sure that's still rape.
The Last Act - A widow, completely torn up and suicidal over the loss of her husband makes plans for her last day on earth. Her children are grown and no longer need her. She doesn't have anything to live for. Yet. She meets a charming doctor who was her friend from back in the day. And things really start to look up...for a time...(why was this story written?)
Bitch - Annd we are back to pervy Uncle Oswald and his equally pervy scientist friend. The scientist guy invents a scent designed to make men go wild with lust and rip their clothing off. Yes. You read that right. They have terrible plans to use this scent on the field, only things go awry.
I am never planning on reading these stories ever again. Once was enough
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This was NO Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. This was designed for a much, much older and maturer audience. My eyes. Scrub my eyes. This is not the Dahl I remembered.
The Visitor - Oh good Lawd. Where to start. Should I start with how this old pervy Uncle Oswald finds himself alone in the desert and is rescued by a fine Middle-Eastern man (who has a gorgeous wife and daughter) and how the uncle couldn't decide which he'd rather screw? His host's wife or his host's barely-legal daughter? Or the fact that there was actual sex scenes? Or how this was told in such a light-hearted, la-ti-da fashion? Made my skin crawl.
The Great Switcheroo - Two neighbors go to great lengths to swap wives for one night. They are terrible excuses for husbands - they made sure that everything was the same - height, weight, male genitalia, lovemaking techniques (etc) all so they could go swinging without their wives noticing. Pretty sure that's still rape.
The Last Act - A widow, completely torn up and suicidal over the loss of her husband makes plans for her last day on earth. Her children are grown and no longer need her. She doesn't have anything to live for. Yet. She meets a charming doctor who was her friend from back in the day. And things really start to look up...for a time...(why was this story written?)
Bitch - Annd we are back to pervy Uncle Oswald and his equally pervy scientist friend. The scientist guy invents a scent designed to make men go wild with lust and rip their clothing off. Yes. You read that right. They have terrible plans to use this scent on the field, only things go awry.
I am never planning on reading these stories ever again. Once was enough
YouTube | Blog | Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | Snapchat @miranda_reads
June 6, 2014
I don't think a lot of people realize this, but Roald Dahl was a crazy twisted motherfucker in the best way. Naturally, he's best known for his children's stories, like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and James and the Giant Peach, but what you may not know is that he wrote some adult's stories, including the ones in this volume of short stories, that are brilliantly, hilariously dark and fucked up.
There is a collection of four stories in this volume. They are very short, and my paperback copy runs to just over 140 pages. This is not a book for children, unless you:
1. Really, really hate your child
2. Want to fuck them up by building up twisted ideals of love and friendship
3. Have a lot of money for therapy
4. Want your child to be sent home from school for molesting other children
Also, don't expect political correctness here. You will get none. This book pokes fun of other nationalities...
I read this book for my Comic Spirit class while I was in college, and it was one of the forced reading that I've continually enjoyed and read for pleasure. No spoilers, but here's a taste of what you might come to expect in this book.
Take note: there are some twistedly twists in this book. It's pretty sick :D
There's the story of the infamous Uncle Oswald, world-renowned traveler and Casanova extraodinaire, who cannot settle down with one women because he likes the thrill of the chase. He has an odd flare to his nose that drives women wild. Men want to befriend him. Women want to conquer him. They, of course, are never successful.
Uncle Oswald once found himself in the desert, in the story "The Visitor." He is stranded on the road, and taken in by a wonderfully and vaguely Middle-Eastern man, who brings him to his house and treats him like a king.
Oswald, in return, intends to seduce his hosts' wife or daughter. Or maybe both.
In "The Switch," we have two neighbors...one of whom covets his neighbor's wife...he slowly plants a seed in his neighbor's head, and together, they seek to seduce each others' wives without them knowing it. Hence, "The Switch." Many details of logistics will need to be ironed out, like the cock size. Surely a wife would know.
There is a collection of four stories in this volume. They are very short, and my paperback copy runs to just over 140 pages. This is not a book for children, unless you:
1. Really, really hate your child
2. Want to fuck them up by building up twisted ideals of love and friendship
3. Have a lot of money for therapy
4. Want your child to be sent home from school for molesting other children
Also, don't expect political correctness here. You will get none. This book pokes fun of other nationalities...
I have a powerful suspicion, though I hate to say it, that the Egyptians wash themselves less thoroughly than any other peoples in the world --- with the possible exception of the Mongolians.Women.
...I cannot believe that any man in his senses would put up with just one female day after day and year after year.It makes fun of everyone, actually. Read it with a light heart.
I read this book for my Comic Spirit class while I was in college, and it was one of the forced reading that I've continually enjoyed and read for pleasure. No spoilers, but here's a taste of what you might come to expect in this book.
Take note: there are some twistedly twists in this book. It's pretty sick :D
There's the story of the infamous Uncle Oswald, world-renowned traveler and Casanova extraodinaire, who cannot settle down with one women because he likes the thrill of the chase. He has an odd flare to his nose that drives women wild. Men want to befriend him. Women want to conquer him. They, of course, are never successful.
Uncle Oswald once found himself in the desert, in the story "The Visitor." He is stranded on the road, and taken in by a wonderfully and vaguely Middle-Eastern man, who brings him to his house and treats him like a king.
Oswald, in return, intends to seduce his hosts' wife or daughter. Or maybe both.
Eeny, meeny, miny, mo --- just a little while ago, Prince Oswald had sworn that he would ravish the Queen alone, and to hell with the Princess. But now that he had seen the Princess in the flesh, he did not know which one to prefer.What will happen? Will Oswald be able to seduce the wife, the daughter? Or both? The answer is fabulously fucked up.
In "The Switch," we have two neighbors...one of whom covets his neighbor's wife...he slowly plants a seed in his neighbor's head, and together, they seek to seduce each others' wives without them knowing it. Hence, "The Switch." Many details of logistics will need to be ironed out, like the cock size. Surely a wife would know.
Just as long as both men were either circumsised or uncircumsised, then there was really no problem. You'd be surprised at the number of men whose measurements are virtually the same, give or take a centimetre."They start wearing the same aftershaves. One of them stops smoking...and then comes D Day, including strategies to fool the wives such as "The Sticking Plaster Ploy," "The Familiarization With the Layout," and "Spilling the Beans."
...it was here that both of us had to describe in every detail the procedure we adopted when making love to our own wives.Will they succeed? Will they succeed beyond their wildest expectations? Read on, find out.
July 11, 2022
This little collection of Roald Dahl's short fiction was published in 1974, but the four stories featured here were all written for Playboy magazine in the 1960s.
You might be surprised to learn that I found the first three stories published here to be among some of the finest ever in print.
One of the stories, “The Great Switcheroo,” landed, immediately, on my own personal “best short stories of all time” list. This isn't a long list, but the authors, thus far, include: F. Scott Fitzgerald, J.D. Salinger, Doris Lessing, Flannery O'Connor and Shirley Jackson.
“The Great Switcheroo” had me almost panting. I could not believe that Dahl's bizarre imagination had dreamed up what it did. The story is ingenious, and, even though the male players in it are a couple of real so-and-sos, the comeuppance of one of the men is a beautiful twist to behold.
And, now, sadly, I must arrive at the last story in the collection, “Bitch.”
Sigh.
I can't recommend this story to any female of my acquaintance, and it made this otherwise five star collection shrink down to a three.
“Bitch” represents just about everything that has been wrong with male-female social relations since the beginning of time. It is over-the-top misogynistic, cringeworthy, and, worst of all, it has landed on a spot on my “books that promote rape” shelf. Deservedly.
I have no proof to support my suspicions, but my intuition, while reading it, was that Mr. Dahl was actually asked to write a rape fantasy piece. I could be wrong, but it was so in-your-face, nothing about it felt imaginative or subtle, and that was where my mind wandered.
It is a truly disgusting story and it certainly promotes the idea that it would be hilarious to see most women punished through the act of rape.
I try to read fiction as objectively as I possibly can, and what this means to me primarily is: I generally allow fiction to have “free will.” I am not quick to judge writers for what their fictional characters do, but this story tripped me up pretty badly and made me feel very, very disappointed in Mr. Dahl's “sexy fiction.”
So, here's my bizarre wrap up: this collection includes three rather brilliant short stories, including one of the best I've ever read, and then a completely demoralizing one-star turd. Make of that what you will.
You might be surprised to learn that I found the first three stories published here to be among some of the finest ever in print.
One of the stories, “The Great Switcheroo,” landed, immediately, on my own personal “best short stories of all time” list. This isn't a long list, but the authors, thus far, include: F. Scott Fitzgerald, J.D. Salinger, Doris Lessing, Flannery O'Connor and Shirley Jackson.
“The Great Switcheroo” had me almost panting. I could not believe that Dahl's bizarre imagination had dreamed up what it did. The story is ingenious, and, even though the male players in it are a couple of real so-and-sos, the comeuppance of one of the men is a beautiful twist to behold.
And, now, sadly, I must arrive at the last story in the collection, “Bitch.”
Sigh.
I can't recommend this story to any female of my acquaintance, and it made this otherwise five star collection shrink down to a three.
“Bitch” represents just about everything that has been wrong with male-female social relations since the beginning of time. It is over-the-top misogynistic, cringeworthy, and, worst of all, it has landed on a spot on my “books that promote rape” shelf. Deservedly.
I have no proof to support my suspicions, but my intuition, while reading it, was that Mr. Dahl was actually asked to write a rape fantasy piece. I could be wrong, but it was so in-your-face, nothing about it felt imaginative or subtle, and that was where my mind wandered.
It is a truly disgusting story and it certainly promotes the idea that it would be hilarious to see most women punished through the act of rape.
I try to read fiction as objectively as I possibly can, and what this means to me primarily is: I generally allow fiction to have “free will.” I am not quick to judge writers for what their fictional characters do, but this story tripped me up pretty badly and made me feel very, very disappointed in Mr. Dahl's “sexy fiction.”
So, here's my bizarre wrap up: this collection includes three rather brilliant short stories, including one of the best I've ever read, and then a completely demoralizing one-star turd. Make of that what you will.
September 3, 2021
Four short 'adult' stories by the man much much much (yes, at least three times much!) more famous, for his books for children. And what interesting, funny and darkly comic tales they are; starting with the tale of a cad, Oswald Cornelius, that manages to find desirable rich women in the desert and might just get his just desserts; next is a story of an attempt at wife swapping, without the wives knowing; followed by a liaison between a lonely women and an OCD doctor; and the coup de grace, Oswald returns in a story where he gets involved in a project developing olfactory aphrodisiacs. A well plotted enjoyable adult read! Worth reading just to see another side of Dahl's creativity! 7 out of 12
August 13, 2014
hey did you know that acclaimed children's author Roald Dahl also had a sideline in dark, pervy short stories for adults? after reading several reviews of this book, it's clear that some people find this to be awfully disturbing. my God, a children's author, capable of such things! heaven forfend!
oh you silly humans with your hilarious way of looking at things. although I shouldn't be judgmental. back on Robot Planet, we have long moved beyond such rudimentary binary coding - and perhaps you will too, eventually, post-invasion. it will be one of our mandates.
Switch Bitch (man, that title: perfect!) is a quartet of thematically connected tales. sex and sexuality are central to each of these stories - particularly sex that is ambiguous or disguised or that happens for reasons beyond our intellectual control. or for reasons that stem from our need for intellectual control. Dahl is a clever writer, and more. although his cleverness and humor shine brightly (well, "darkly" is probably more appropriate), he also knows how to craft a beautiful description, an evocative turn of phrase, sentences that glide effortlessly into one other, a character that jumps off the page, a situation that intrigues and disturbs and surprises. he's an artist with the prose. even rather fussy at times, in his choice of details. he's also a little dangerous, which should not shock fans of his kid's fiction. he wants to make you laugh, sure, but he also wouldn't mind stabbing you in the back as you chortle spastically away. he's the best kind of misanthrope: amused, amusing, discriminating, and devious.
I've put this on my "sexathon" shelf, but you should know that it does not contain any graphic sexuality. everything is (nearly) left up to your own imagination.
4 Stars for the first tale: "The Visitor"
here we have a perfectly awesome and awful protagonist, the sophisticated world traveler and insidious casanova Uncle Oswald. Dahl captures his drily witty, hygiene-obsessed, caustically classist voice perfectly. Oswald is a grand storyteller, a well-read art collector, a wealthy man who prefers the company of other wealthy people. he is also a collector of spiders and scorpions! this practically psychopathic lothario is not so much misogynistic as he is utterly incapable of even recognizing a woman's worth beyond her beauty and beyond the maximum 8 hours he will spend with that woman before becoming indescribably bored and, oh dear, time to move on my love, that was wonderful on top of the pyramid tonight, wasn't it, so sorry to hear that your sheik husband may have to cut off your head because of our affair, but darling you really are becoming a rather vulgar bore with all of your pleading and screaming, I think I shall have to let you out right on the corner, farewell my dear! happily, Uncle Oswald's adventures lead him to a stately mansion in the middle eastern desert, where he finds a Syrian family more than capable of matching wits with him. this is a brilliant and incredibly fun tale. I loved it. I especially enjoyed the wee tale within a tale - about a boy addicted to honey - that mordantly parallels Uncle Oswald's own addiction. and I especially especially loved the cruel and fitting ending.
3 Stars for the second tale: "The Great Switcheroo"
two cheerio my good chap type suburban husbands decide that the best way to spice up their lives is to start sleeping with each other's wives - but without telling those wives. sexy suburban shenanigans ensue. plus a wonderfully deflating blow to the male ego at no extra cost.
2 Stars for the third tale: "The Last Act"
I'm sure this deserves more stars, but I just can't. I hated this story. it starts sensitively, detailing the life of a new widow who was devoted to her husband. of the four stories, this one is resolutely not comic. Anna Cooper starts off sad and sympathetic, and it was a real pleasure watching her grow back into herself and embrace life again. and so I did not appreciate the brutal evilness of this story's ending. it felt cheap and it was depressing. one can't fault the prose itself, it is excellent. and the thematic connections to the other three stories are there too - disguise and surprise and a reprise - so I get why this story was included. I just don't get why it was written in the first place. ugh.
3 Stars for the fourth tale: "Bitch"
Uncle Oswald is back and he has found an equally pervy comrade-in-arms: the olfactory scientist Henri, who is about to create a scent for women that will cause men to go in a sex-trance, rip off their clothes, and immediately and violently ravish the scented woman on the spot. Oswald and Henri have sinister plans for this scent, oh yes they do! ::rubs hands together villainously:: and those plans include the American President, of whom Oswald is not overly-fond. this being Roald Dahl, things don't quite come to fruition in the way these two villains imagined. ha!
the book has a Terry Southern feel to it. not in its prose - Dahl is the superior wordsmith - but in its distinctly dated feeling of being born in a milieu that is all too comfortable with casual sexism. a book the characters in Mad Men could be seen reading. but I would not actually call this a misogynist book. the women are not treated particularly well - although a few of them have the last laugh, which is certainly appreciated - but the men never have the last laugh. the men become fools, their plans backfire, their tricks turn around and bite them right where it hurts - in their so-called manhood.
oh you silly humans with your hilarious way of looking at things. although I shouldn't be judgmental. back on Robot Planet, we have long moved beyond such rudimentary binary coding - and perhaps you will too, eventually, post-invasion. it will be one of our mandates.
Switch Bitch (man, that title: perfect!) is a quartet of thematically connected tales. sex and sexuality are central to each of these stories - particularly sex that is ambiguous or disguised or that happens for reasons beyond our intellectual control. or for reasons that stem from our need for intellectual control. Dahl is a clever writer, and more. although his cleverness and humor shine brightly (well, "darkly" is probably more appropriate), he also knows how to craft a beautiful description, an evocative turn of phrase, sentences that glide effortlessly into one other, a character that jumps off the page, a situation that intrigues and disturbs and surprises. he's an artist with the prose. even rather fussy at times, in his choice of details. he's also a little dangerous, which should not shock fans of his kid's fiction. he wants to make you laugh, sure, but he also wouldn't mind stabbing you in the back as you chortle spastically away. he's the best kind of misanthrope: amused, amusing, discriminating, and devious.
I've put this on my "sexathon" shelf, but you should know that it does not contain any graphic sexuality. everything is (nearly) left up to your own imagination.
4 Stars for the first tale: "The Visitor"
here we have a perfectly awesome and awful protagonist, the sophisticated world traveler and insidious casanova Uncle Oswald. Dahl captures his drily witty, hygiene-obsessed, caustically classist voice perfectly. Oswald is a grand storyteller, a well-read art collector, a wealthy man who prefers the company of other wealthy people. he is also a collector of spiders and scorpions! this practically psychopathic lothario is not so much misogynistic as he is utterly incapable of even recognizing a woman's worth beyond her beauty and beyond the maximum 8 hours he will spend with that woman before becoming indescribably bored and, oh dear, time to move on my love, that was wonderful on top of the pyramid tonight, wasn't it, so sorry to hear that your sheik husband may have to cut off your head because of our affair, but darling you really are becoming a rather vulgar bore with all of your pleading and screaming, I think I shall have to let you out right on the corner, farewell my dear! happily, Uncle Oswald's adventures lead him to a stately mansion in the middle eastern desert, where he finds a Syrian family more than capable of matching wits with him. this is a brilliant and incredibly fun tale. I loved it. I especially enjoyed the wee tale within a tale - about a boy addicted to honey - that mordantly parallels Uncle Oswald's own addiction. and I especially especially loved the cruel and fitting ending.
3 Stars for the second tale: "The Great Switcheroo"
two cheerio my good chap type suburban husbands decide that the best way to spice up their lives is to start sleeping with each other's wives - but without telling those wives. sexy suburban shenanigans ensue. plus a wonderfully deflating blow to the male ego at no extra cost.
2 Stars for the third tale: "The Last Act"
I'm sure this deserves more stars, but I just can't. I hated this story. it starts sensitively, detailing the life of a new widow who was devoted to her husband. of the four stories, this one is resolutely not comic. Anna Cooper starts off sad and sympathetic, and it was a real pleasure watching her grow back into herself and embrace life again. and so I did not appreciate the brutal evilness of this story's ending. it felt cheap and it was depressing. one can't fault the prose itself, it is excellent. and the thematic connections to the other three stories are there too - disguise and surprise and a reprise - so I get why this story was included. I just don't get why it was written in the first place. ugh.
3 Stars for the fourth tale: "Bitch"
Uncle Oswald is back and he has found an equally pervy comrade-in-arms: the olfactory scientist Henri, who is about to create a scent for women that will cause men to go in a sex-trance, rip off their clothes, and immediately and violently ravish the scented woman on the spot. Oswald and Henri have sinister plans for this scent, oh yes they do! ::rubs hands together villainously:: and those plans include the American President, of whom Oswald is not overly-fond. this being Roald Dahl, things don't quite come to fruition in the way these two villains imagined. ha!
the book has a Terry Southern feel to it. not in its prose - Dahl is the superior wordsmith - but in its distinctly dated feeling of being born in a milieu that is all too comfortable with casual sexism. a book the characters in Mad Men could be seen reading. but I would not actually call this a misogynist book. the women are not treated particularly well - although a few of them have the last laugh, which is certainly appreciated - but the men never have the last laugh. the men become fools, their plans backfire, their tricks turn around and bite them right where it hurts - in their so-called manhood.
July 26, 2018
Switch Bitch is a collection of adult short stories published in Playboy in between 1965 and 1974. Those of you who are fans of politically correct literature and love Dahl for writings like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory can stop reading the review here, for it is not a children's book. The stories have a strong underlying theme of misogyny, lewd humor and dark sadistic sexual fantasies, with stories about predatory seduction, revenge sex, wife-swapping etc.
By now, you get the big picture.
For instance, in the very first story("The Visitor"), we have Oswald Hendryks Cornelius stranded in Cairo when a Syrian businessman picks him up by the side of the road and offers him a room for the night in his desert mansion. While there Oswald meets the man's wife and eighteen-year-old daughter, both of whom are extremely beautiful. Oswald decides to repay his host's kindness by planning a tryst with the daughter....
"And the beautiful Princess is imprisoned within its walls by her strict and jealous father, King Abdul Aziz, who refuses to allow her the pleasures of masculine company. But watch out, for here comes Prince Oswald Cornelius to the rescue! Unbeknownst to the King, he is going to ravish the beautiful Princess, and make her very happy."
....only to later settle down for seducing the wife.
"There and then. Prince Oswald Cornelius decided that he cared not one whit about the beautiful Princess who was held captive in the castle by the jealous King. He would ravish the Queen instead."
Each of these stories have sick, twisted endings. The apex of the abhorrence for me was the detailed account of revenge-sex in form of rape of a menopausal woman by a gynecologist. These tales weren't meant to be erotic, rather to be representations of sick, dark humor.
Verdict: Read at your own risk.
By now, you get the big picture.
For instance, in the very first story("The Visitor"), we have Oswald Hendryks Cornelius stranded in Cairo when a Syrian businessman picks him up by the side of the road and offers him a room for the night in his desert mansion. While there Oswald meets the man's wife and eighteen-year-old daughter, both of whom are extremely beautiful. Oswald decides to repay his host's kindness by planning a tryst with the daughter....
"And the beautiful Princess is imprisoned within its walls by her strict and jealous father, King Abdul Aziz, who refuses to allow her the pleasures of masculine company. But watch out, for here comes Prince Oswald Cornelius to the rescue! Unbeknownst to the King, he is going to ravish the beautiful Princess, and make her very happy."
....only to later settle down for seducing the wife.
"There and then. Prince Oswald Cornelius decided that he cared not one whit about the beautiful Princess who was held captive in the castle by the jealous King. He would ravish the Queen instead."
Each of these stories have sick, twisted endings. The apex of the abhorrence for me was the detailed account of revenge-sex in form of rape of a menopausal woman by a gynecologist. These tales weren't meant to be erotic, rather to be representations of sick, dark humor.
Verdict: Read at your own risk.
August 1, 2022
I was warned. This was not recommended to me. Not my preferred genre, with sex being the common thread throughout these four short stories. On the upside, the sex was not explicit, and a couple of the short stories were pretty darn good. My interest was piqued by a review I read, and so I went exploring. I can do that, because I am big. My favorite was The Visitor, an easy 4-star tale.
The Visitor
The art of seduction and the repercussions of success.
The Great Switcheroo
You might want to consider paying attention to a saying with which we are all familiar. Leave well enough alone.
The Last Act
An unexpected second chance with the one who got away. Upsetting and sad.
Bitch
Wouldn't give you a nickel for it.
The Visitor
The art of seduction and the repercussions of success.
The Great Switcheroo
You might want to consider paying attention to a saying with which we are all familiar. Leave well enough alone.
The Last Act
An unexpected second chance with the one who got away. Upsetting and sad.
Bitch
Wouldn't give you a nickel for it.
July 27, 2007
Roald Dahl's short stories for adults are amazing, terrifying, creepy, disturbing, sexy, disgusting, morally bankrupt, and well-written. It's an entirely different side of the children's author, one that doesn't get enough exposure. I mean, I'd hate to traumatize children with this writing, but for adults who grew up with Roald Dahl's books, this is a foray into something strange and disturbing and weirdly fun to read.
September 2, 2012
Very misogynic, quite chauvinistic, mildly entertaining.
Four very well-written short stories about "sex" written by a man who very likely had some major mommy issues. All four stories have something in common: rape, that is perceived by the author/protagonist/rapist as deserved and mutually-consented intimacy. This man clearly has no idea how woman experience sexuality, or even how female anatomy functions. This is by no means an explicit/graphic novel, as most of the action is implied, however unless I missed some great irony about the book, I found it very strange. It made me wonder whether most men in the generation of the 1950s were so ignorant. The fact that this man was a children's book author is chilling.
The only somewhat redeeming factor about this book was the author's writing style. Had he written on a subject not even tangent to women or feminine issues, I would have given it a higher rating.
Overall impression: Horrified.
Four very well-written short stories about "sex" written by a man who very likely had some major mommy issues. All four stories have something in common: rape, that is perceived by the author/protagonist/rapist as deserved and mutually-consented intimacy. This man clearly has no idea how woman experience sexuality, or even how female anatomy functions. This is by no means an explicit/graphic novel, as most of the action is implied, however unless I missed some great irony about the book, I found it very strange. It made me wonder whether most men in the generation of the 1950s were so ignorant. The fact that this man was a children's book author is chilling.
The only somewhat redeeming factor about this book was the author's writing style. Had he written on a subject not even tangent to women or feminine issues, I would have given it a higher rating.
Overall impression: Horrified.
December 27, 2019
Sex, ladies and gentlemen, sex. I’ve often found written sex the least interesting version of sex available. In fact, I once knew a woman who collected typos that occurred in sex scenes. She had lots and lots, and she speculated that she had found so many because the writers had gotten so carried away imagining the fabulous wonders of the sex they were writing that they were simply incapable of sustaining their grammatical sense. You know, a writer can only focus on one thing at a time, the mechanics of a sex scene or the mechanics of language. This book had lots of sex scenes, but I can’t say I found them all that sexy. I didn’t think to pay attention, but I suspect there were no grammatical errors in any of them either.
As with Kiss, Kiss, these stories have as much to do with revenge, selfishness and other all-too-human forms of interpersonal nastiness as they have to do with sex. The Last Act, for example, is a remarkable story of revenge, exacted in a disturbingly calculated way that left me cold for days after reading it. The thing with these stories, as again with Kiss, Kiss, is that he is writing for an adult reader, and so he expects you to be able to put two and two together. All the same, if you are hoping to come away from these stories with your store of human kindness and goodwill to mankind replenished, you might want to try one of his children’s books.
It is hard to say anything about these stories at all without spoiling them for you – and I don’t want to do that, because these really are like well-crafted jokes and so the punchline is a large part of the joy and point of the journey you are taken on here. There are delicious hints along the way, too – hints you are unlikely to consider to be hints until the glove of the punchline is at your nose – and that is also part of the pleasure too, the feeling that you might have otherwise seen this punchline coming if you’d paid more attention to the hints along the way - yeah, maybe next time.
This is the sort of book that makes you wonder if we are, all of us, fundamentally insecure about sex, particularly those of us who otherwise seem most secure. As the Boomtown Rats used to sing/question:
"Does it feel nice, does it feel right, does it feel alright
Does it feel good - quite nice
Can you keep it up, can you keep it up - upright
Does it let you down, I heard it let you down - sometimes"
It isn’t really one of those things you can really ever be sure of, I guess. Sexual partners tend to be polite enough to either not mention how awful they found sex with us, or even to go so far as to say it was really very nice, whether or not that was true – just as they are also prone to say the same about the dinner cooked for them. Perhaps the one thing sex is truly capable of teaching us is that it is rarely possible to truly know what anyone else is thinking, although, as one of the characters here finds out, lucky is the man to whom that remains true.
I said there would be no spoilers, but Bitch is a curious story since the premise of it, that someone could create a scent that would make men incapable of resisting their sexual desires, had me wondering – from my own experience it is hardly men that need much encouragement on that score, in fact, there is no hint too subtle (even the odd non-existent hint) to make the average man believe a woman is physically attracted to him. I suspect men would much prefer a perfume that made women incapable of suppressing their sexual desire than the other way around.
These are well-crafted, and a couple of the stories are likely to stay with you, even if a little uncomfortably and almost like unwelcome guests, for a couple of days after you finish reading them.
As with Kiss, Kiss, these stories have as much to do with revenge, selfishness and other all-too-human forms of interpersonal nastiness as they have to do with sex. The Last Act, for example, is a remarkable story of revenge, exacted in a disturbingly calculated way that left me cold for days after reading it. The thing with these stories, as again with Kiss, Kiss, is that he is writing for an adult reader, and so he expects you to be able to put two and two together. All the same, if you are hoping to come away from these stories with your store of human kindness and goodwill to mankind replenished, you might want to try one of his children’s books.
It is hard to say anything about these stories at all without spoiling them for you – and I don’t want to do that, because these really are like well-crafted jokes and so the punchline is a large part of the joy and point of the journey you are taken on here. There are delicious hints along the way, too – hints you are unlikely to consider to be hints until the glove of the punchline is at your nose – and that is also part of the pleasure too, the feeling that you might have otherwise seen this punchline coming if you’d paid more attention to the hints along the way - yeah, maybe next time.
This is the sort of book that makes you wonder if we are, all of us, fundamentally insecure about sex, particularly those of us who otherwise seem most secure. As the Boomtown Rats used to sing/question:
"Does it feel nice, does it feel right, does it feel alright
Does it feel good - quite nice
Can you keep it up, can you keep it up - upright
Does it let you down, I heard it let you down - sometimes"
It isn’t really one of those things you can really ever be sure of, I guess. Sexual partners tend to be polite enough to either not mention how awful they found sex with us, or even to go so far as to say it was really very nice, whether or not that was true – just as they are also prone to say the same about the dinner cooked for them. Perhaps the one thing sex is truly capable of teaching us is that it is rarely possible to truly know what anyone else is thinking, although, as one of the characters here finds out, lucky is the man to whom that remains true.
I said there would be no spoilers, but Bitch is a curious story since the premise of it, that someone could create a scent that would make men incapable of resisting their sexual desires, had me wondering – from my own experience it is hardly men that need much encouragement on that score, in fact, there is no hint too subtle (even the odd non-existent hint) to make the average man believe a woman is physically attracted to him. I suspect men would much prefer a perfume that made women incapable of suppressing their sexual desire than the other way around.
These are well-crafted, and a couple of the stories are likely to stay with you, even if a little uncomfortably and almost like unwelcome guests, for a couple of days after you finish reading them.
June 26, 2018
These stories were great. I had no idea Dahl wrote for adults - but I'm happy I came across some of his stories. This is perfect for a quick, entertaining read if you aren't too easily offended ;)
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August 8, 2018
This is not Roald Dahl of the children books
This is the adult themed Roald Dahl.
Many people gave this collection of short stories 2 stars and less; perhaps they executed YA themes and children stuff or they were shocked that an author like Mr. Dahl would write some crude stories full of sex, lust, adultery, and misogyny.
The stories are well written, some have unexpected twists and some make you wonder an open ending.
We meet Uncle Oswald the world most famous fornicator and his 23 volumes of intimate diaries and we get to read his last diary as is...
We meet wife swappers/ swingers
We meet a woman and her first love 25 years after they have left each other... what would that night bring ...
And we meet the bitch ...
This is the adult themed Roald Dahl.
Many people gave this collection of short stories 2 stars and less; perhaps they executed YA themes and children stuff or they were shocked that an author like Mr. Dahl would write some crude stories full of sex, lust, adultery, and misogyny.
The stories are well written, some have unexpected twists and some make you wonder an open ending.
We meet Uncle Oswald the world most famous fornicator and his 23 volumes of intimate diaries and we get to read his last diary as is...
We meet wife swappers/ swingers
We meet a woman and her first love 25 years after they have left each other... what would that night bring ...
And we meet the bitch ...
April 20, 2011
Until recently, I didn't realize that Roald Dahl -- the famous writer of such children's classics as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, James and the Giant Peach, and the Fantastic Mr. Fox -- wrote adult-oriented stories as well. It was probably as surprising as when I found out Judy Blume wrote novels like Wifey.
I decided to see what these stories were like and ordered SWITCH BITCH. SWITCH BITCH is a collection of four short stories of Dahl's. While I enjoy and appreciate the short story form, I typically don't read short story collections because too often I feel a bit cheated. I invest my time in getting to know the characters, begin to like and understand them, and then before I know it, the story ends and the characters are gone. Forever. This is not a reason to not read (or write) short stories, but it can sometimes be disappointing to a reader to get involved again and again with different characters so quickly.
The title of this short story collection comes from combining the titles of two of the included short stories: "The Great Switcheroo" and "Bitch." Also included are "The Visitor" and "The Last Act." "The Visitor" and "Bitch" are stories about the fictitious oversexed Uncle Oswald. Apparently, Dahl wrote a lot of short stories involving this character's travels and exploits. "The Great Switcheroo" involves something of a Twilight Zone-like story where two men plot to have sex with the other man's wife without her knowledge. "The Last Act" involves a lonely widow who tries to move on after the death of her beloved husband.
There are consistent themes throughout the four short stories included in SWITCH BITCH. Each of the four short stories included in this collection have a bit of suspense to them. It's not in a thriller sort of way, mind you, but once I read one story and realized the technique Dahl was using to write each story, I found myself a bit hooked, very curious, and rushing toward the end to see what happens. Additionally, each story has a twist at the end, and I found myself trying to guess what was going to happen, much like an O. Henry short story. Lastly, each story introduces some sort of scientific theory that is relevant to the story. Whether they're true or not is anyone's guess, but they're interesting enough to believe for the sake of the plot.
Ironically, the introduction says that these short stories were originally published in -- of all places -- Playboy magazine; however, details of the sexual encounters are glossed over, and the narrator always says, "I won't bore you with the details..." or "I'm sure you can guess what happened next..." Hello, it's Playboy! I guess now I can honestly say that I read Playboy just for the articles.
I was quite entertained by Dahl's short stories in this small collection. So much so, that I'll probably look into buying and reading more. They really held my attention and seem to withstand the test of time.
I decided to see what these stories were like and ordered SWITCH BITCH. SWITCH BITCH is a collection of four short stories of Dahl's. While I enjoy and appreciate the short story form, I typically don't read short story collections because too often I feel a bit cheated. I invest my time in getting to know the characters, begin to like and understand them, and then before I know it, the story ends and the characters are gone. Forever. This is not a reason to not read (or write) short stories, but it can sometimes be disappointing to a reader to get involved again and again with different characters so quickly.
The title of this short story collection comes from combining the titles of two of the included short stories: "The Great Switcheroo" and "Bitch." Also included are "The Visitor" and "The Last Act." "The Visitor" and "Bitch" are stories about the fictitious oversexed Uncle Oswald. Apparently, Dahl wrote a lot of short stories involving this character's travels and exploits. "The Great Switcheroo" involves something of a Twilight Zone-like story where two men plot to have sex with the other man's wife without her knowledge. "The Last Act" involves a lonely widow who tries to move on after the death of her beloved husband.
There are consistent themes throughout the four short stories included in SWITCH BITCH. Each of the four short stories included in this collection have a bit of suspense to them. It's not in a thriller sort of way, mind you, but once I read one story and realized the technique Dahl was using to write each story, I found myself a bit hooked, very curious, and rushing toward the end to see what happens. Additionally, each story has a twist at the end, and I found myself trying to guess what was going to happen, much like an O. Henry short story. Lastly, each story introduces some sort of scientific theory that is relevant to the story. Whether they're true or not is anyone's guess, but they're interesting enough to believe for the sake of the plot.
Ironically, the introduction says that these short stories were originally published in -- of all places -- Playboy magazine; however, details of the sexual encounters are glossed over, and the narrator always says, "I won't bore you with the details..." or "I'm sure you can guess what happened next..." Hello, it's Playboy! I guess now I can honestly say that I read Playboy just for the articles.
I was quite entertained by Dahl's short stories in this small collection. So much so, that I'll probably look into buying and reading more. They really held my attention and seem to withstand the test of time.
January 6, 2024
Switch Bitch is a collection of four (adult) novellas. It is worth the read and is a bucket of chuckles.
March 12, 2025
Sometimes you absolutely can judge a book by its cover, or rather its title. Switch Bitch collects four almost unbearable short stories originally published in Playboy magazine, and the common theme here isn't erotica, but sadistic revenge sex and predatory rape by deception.
There is hardly anything redeeming about these; it’s horrifyingly well-written misogyny. Consent? Never heard of it. Women are props, either hideous or beautiful objects of desire, there is no in between, and the stories are certainly twisted, but there is none of Dahl’s signature whimsy to try and cover it up, or even much of what passes for wit or humor—they are a crude showcase of obscenely cruel sexual sadism. Dahl comes across as a lecherous old man who wrote down his most deprived rape fantasies, and they should never have seen the light of day, or at the very least stayed in over half a century old Playboys, where they belong.
The Visitor · ★★½
In the frame-narrative used to introduce us to a recurring character, a nephew receives twenty-eight volumes of handwritten diaries from his wealthy, middle-aged traveler and seducer uncle, Oswald Hendryks Cornelius. The story proper is an entry from one of them, in which Uncle Oswald meets a rich Syrian man who takes him back to his mansion when Oswald’s car breaks down in the desert, and to repay the kindness, he decides that he’ll sleep with either the man’s beautiful wife or his barely-legal daughter (ideally both). The character appears to be written to be a detestable misogynist, so this intention, coupled with the fact that he gets his comeuppance, made this the only story in the collection I didn't hate.
The Great Switcheroo · ★½
Two men at a neighborhood party come up with a ruse to sleep with each other’s wives without the women realizing. Even though they carefully prepare by walking through each other’s houses blind-folded and comparing notes regarding their sexual techniques, the one who came up with the idea receives a rude awakening the next morning. A disturbingly lighthearted story about rape by deception, ever so slightly redeemed by its ending.
The Last Act · ½
This story was rejected by The New Yorker for being too disturbing, and Dahl himself described it as an attempt to write about “murder by fucking”. A middle-aged widow is contemplating suicide after the sudden death of her beloved husband, but seemingly makes it through the crisis by finding meaning in a new occupation. She decides to call up the high school sweetheart she left for her husband when she’s in his city on business, but unbeknownst to her, he still harbors a grudge. This was a deplorable story with the most callous ending imaginable.
Bitch · ★★
In another one of his diary entries, Oswald Cornelius meets an eccentric chemist who is trying to distill a perfume that will cause any man who smells it to momentarily lose all conscious thought and ravage the first woman he can get his hands on, whether he (or she) wants to or not. The Oswald stories in this collection were the ones I "liked" best, simply because things never quite work out the way he wants them to. This story predates Süskind’s Perfume by almost a decade, and I wonder if he was familiar with it, because there are definitely some parallels to be found.
There is hardly anything redeeming about these; it’s horrifyingly well-written misogyny. Consent? Never heard of it. Women are props, either hideous or beautiful objects of desire, there is no in between, and the stories are certainly twisted, but there is none of Dahl’s signature whimsy to try and cover it up, or even much of what passes for wit or humor—they are a crude showcase of obscenely cruel sexual sadism. Dahl comes across as a lecherous old man who wrote down his most deprived rape fantasies, and they should never have seen the light of day, or at the very least stayed in over half a century old Playboys, where they belong.
The Visitor · ★★½
In the frame-narrative used to introduce us to a recurring character, a nephew receives twenty-eight volumes of handwritten diaries from his wealthy, middle-aged traveler and seducer uncle, Oswald Hendryks Cornelius. The story proper is an entry from one of them, in which Uncle Oswald meets a rich Syrian man who takes him back to his mansion when Oswald’s car breaks down in the desert, and to repay the kindness, he decides that he’ll sleep with either the man’s beautiful wife or his barely-legal daughter (ideally both). The character appears to be written to be a detestable misogynist, so this intention, coupled with the fact that he gets his comeuppance, made this the only story in the collection I didn't hate.
The Great Switcheroo · ★½
Two men at a neighborhood party come up with a ruse to sleep with each other’s wives without the women realizing. Even though they carefully prepare by walking through each other’s houses blind-folded and comparing notes regarding their sexual techniques, the one who came up with the idea receives a rude awakening the next morning. A disturbingly lighthearted story about rape by deception, ever so slightly redeemed by its ending.
The Last Act · ½
This story was rejected by The New Yorker for being too disturbing, and Dahl himself described it as an attempt to write about “murder by fucking”. A middle-aged widow is contemplating suicide after the sudden death of her beloved husband, but seemingly makes it through the crisis by finding meaning in a new occupation. She decides to call up the high school sweetheart she left for her husband when she’s in his city on business, but unbeknownst to her, he still harbors a grudge. This was a deplorable story with the most callous ending imaginable.
Bitch · ★★
In another one of his diary entries, Oswald Cornelius meets an eccentric chemist who is trying to distill a perfume that will cause any man who smells it to momentarily lose all conscious thought and ravage the first woman he can get his hands on, whether he (or she) wants to or not. The Oswald stories in this collection were the ones I "liked" best, simply because things never quite work out the way he wants them to. This story predates Süskind’s Perfume by almost a decade, and I wonder if he was familiar with it, because there are definitely some parallels to be found.
January 3, 2023
A wonderful collection of my favorite Dahl stories
The collection, definitely for adults, is mostly erotic humor, a micro-genre that is in woefully short supply.
Here's a sample from "Bitch", my favorite story here. The protag has been dosed with the world's most potent aphrodisiac:
[quote] ...the two of us were millions of miles up in outer space, flying through the universe in a shower of meteorites all red and gold. I was riding her bareback... "Faster!" I shouted, jabbing long spurs into her flanks. "Go faster!" Faster and still faster she flew, spurting and spinning around the rim of the sky, her mane streaming with sun, and snow waving out of her tail. The sense of power I had was overwhelming. I was unassailable, supreme. I was the Lord of the Universe, scattering the planets and catching the stars in the palm of my hand...
Oh, ecstasy and ravishment! Oh, Jericho and Tyre and Sidon! The walls came tumbling down and the firmament disintegrated, and out of the smoke and fire of the of the explosion, the sitting-room in the Waldorf Towers came swimming slowly back into my consciousness like a rainy day..."
What a pity that Roald Dahl didn't write more adult fiction. Anyway, if you haven't read Switch Bitch, some wonderfully sly, bawdy and remarkably well-written entertainment awaits you. Bon appetit!
The collection, definitely for adults, is mostly erotic humor, a micro-genre that is in woefully short supply.
Here's a sample from "Bitch", my favorite story here. The protag has been dosed with the world's most potent aphrodisiac:
[quote] ...the two of us were millions of miles up in outer space, flying through the universe in a shower of meteorites all red and gold. I was riding her bareback... "Faster!" I shouted, jabbing long spurs into her flanks. "Go faster!" Faster and still faster she flew, spurting and spinning around the rim of the sky, her mane streaming with sun, and snow waving out of her tail. The sense of power I had was overwhelming. I was unassailable, supreme. I was the Lord of the Universe, scattering the planets and catching the stars in the palm of my hand...
Oh, ecstasy and ravishment! Oh, Jericho and Tyre and Sidon! The walls came tumbling down and the firmament disintegrated, and out of the smoke and fire of the of the explosion, the sitting-room in the Waldorf Towers came swimming slowly back into my consciousness like a rainy day..."
What a pity that Roald Dahl didn't write more adult fiction. Anyway, if you haven't read Switch Bitch, some wonderfully sly, bawdy and remarkably well-written entertainment awaits you. Bon appetit!
November 13, 2022
This book is crrrazzzzy hilarious and upsetting fun. It was also in the kids book section when I first found it.
February 17, 2022
Me fascinó, me reí mucho, es picaresco, es atrevido, tiene personajes soberbios y locos y finales sorpresivos y emocionantes, relatos con erotismo burdo y simple, lenguaje muy ágil y humorístico y pues bueno, el señor hizo Matilda y Charlie y la fábrica de chocolates, así que, toda una revelación con estos cuentos para adultos!
Ah, algo más. Se escribieron en 1974, y por eso, o eso creo yo, tienen una inocencia de la que carecen hoy los relatos que incluyen el sexo y el placer.
Ah, algo más. Se escribieron en 1974, y por eso, o eso creo yo, tienen una inocencia de la que carecen hoy los relatos que incluyen el sexo y el placer.
September 11, 2013
Original pre-read review, 4/15/2012:
This does not sound like the Roald Dahl I remember. Color me intrigued.
After reading, 9/10/2013:
So yeah, okay, this isn't the Roald Dahl I remember. But somehow it is. His style is all there: the dry humor, creepiness, and gross-out shock value all play a big part in these stories. They're just not for kids anymore. These four tales are all about sex, sex, SEX. I was actually expecting them to be a bit more titillating, but it turns out they're not explicit at all -- most of the action is implied and all the juicy bits happen "offscreen".
These stories are highly dated, though. This was published in the 1960's, so I'm not too surprised, but the attitudes towards sex and gender roles as portrayed here are definitely of another era. All of the male characters are highly misogynistic, and that's at their best -- many of them are downright rapey. Still, they all have twist endings and the men who have taken advantage of women in the stories typically have their plans backfire and get some punishment.
"The Visitor" -- 3 stars
Introduces the over-the-top hedonist and spider enthusiast (but germophobic) Oswald Hendryks Cornelius along with the story of one of his trysts. This was probably my favorite of the collection. Uncle Oswald is one of those people that would be absolutely insufferable in real life--a snobby womanizer who is completely self-absorbed--but he is wonderfully amusing as a character to read about.
"The Great Switcheroo" -- 3 stars
Two neighbors arrange to secretly have sex with each others' wives without the ladies finding out about it. This goes about as well as you would expect.
"The Last Act" -- 2 stars
Definitely my least favorite. This one isn't funny at all like the other three; it's mostly just depressing. I found the first part boring and the ending vaguely confusing. Meh.
"Bitch" -- 3 stars
Uncle Oswald is back and this time he's collaborating with a talented "nose" to create a perfume that will make a woman absolutely irresistable to any men who smell her. As in, they will be overcome by animal instincts, rip her clothes off, and assault her. See what I mean about the rapey?
Overall rating: 3 stars
This does not sound like the Roald Dahl I remember. Color me intrigued.
After reading, 9/10/2013:
So yeah, okay, this isn't the Roald Dahl I remember. But somehow it is. His style is all there: the dry humor, creepiness, and gross-out shock value all play a big part in these stories. They're just not for kids anymore. These four tales are all about sex, sex, SEX. I was actually expecting them to be a bit more titillating, but it turns out they're not explicit at all -- most of the action is implied and all the juicy bits happen "offscreen".
These stories are highly dated, though. This was published in the 1960's, so I'm not too surprised, but the attitudes towards sex and gender roles as portrayed here are definitely of another era. All of the male characters are highly misogynistic, and that's at their best -- many of them are downright rapey. Still, they all have twist endings and the men who have taken advantage of women in the stories typically have their plans backfire and get some punishment.
"The Visitor" -- 3 stars
Introduces the over-the-top hedonist and spider enthusiast (but germophobic) Oswald Hendryks Cornelius along with the story of one of his trysts. This was probably my favorite of the collection. Uncle Oswald is one of those people that would be absolutely insufferable in real life--a snobby womanizer who is completely self-absorbed--but he is wonderfully amusing as a character to read about.
"The Great Switcheroo" -- 3 stars
Two neighbors arrange to secretly have sex with each others' wives without the ladies finding out about it. This goes about as well as you would expect.
"The Last Act" -- 2 stars
Definitely my least favorite. This one isn't funny at all like the other three; it's mostly just depressing. I found the first part boring and the ending vaguely confusing. Meh.
"Bitch" -- 3 stars
Uncle Oswald is back and this time he's collaborating with a talented "nose" to create a perfume that will make a woman absolutely irresistable to any men who smell her. As in, they will be overcome by animal instincts, rip her clothes off, and assault her. See what I mean about the rapey?
Overall rating: 3 stars
September 3, 2020
Guess what? You're beloved author of children's books was also an adult with an adult's mind; a mind that enjoyed delving into stories of sexual deviance and sinister intrigue. Knowing what a talented writer Roald can be, I dove into this collection of short stories eager to plumb the depths of Dahl's dark side.
What I discovered, however, was a bit mild. While these stories might have caused women to clutch their pearls and men to adjust their crotch once upon a time, some of it is quite tame by today's standards. The subject matter of each story, malevolent or mischievous it may be, has clear boundaries which stop it from being actually shocking. The twists are of no great surprise, and the sex always stops at the 1960s standard of foreplay, though the implications (if not blatant suggestions) in the narrative can occasionally be quite ghastly.
Understandable, of course, as time is often not good to art, and art that stands the test of time is a rare and precious thing. 'Switch Bitch' is no such book. But it does have it's moments, and if you can place yourself in a bit of a time capsule, it can be quite a romp, sometimes unsettlingly so.
Three stars for showing a more sinister/deviant side of Roald Dahl, but with some shortcomings. In all honesty, I think I preferred his children's books. They seem to stand the test of time better.
What I discovered, however, was a bit mild. While these stories might have caused women to clutch their pearls and men to adjust their crotch once upon a time, some of it is quite tame by today's standards. The subject matter of each story, malevolent or mischievous it may be, has clear boundaries which stop it from being actually shocking. The twists are of no great surprise, and the sex always stops at the 1960s standard of foreplay, though the implications (if not blatant suggestions) in the narrative can occasionally be quite ghastly.
Understandable, of course, as time is often not good to art, and art that stands the test of time is a rare and precious thing. 'Switch Bitch' is no such book. But it does have it's moments, and if you can place yourself in a bit of a time capsule, it can be quite a romp, sometimes unsettlingly so.
Three stars for showing a more sinister/deviant side of Roald Dahl, but with some shortcomings. In all honesty, I think I preferred his children's books. They seem to stand the test of time better.
July 18, 2017
Well now, this might not seem the same Dahl you read when you were a kid. Then again ...
here we have four stories, nicely packaged together. I mean, theme-wise, the stories complement each other very well, and although I don't know much about original publication history and such, it wouldn't surprise me if Dahl intended for them all to end up in the same volume. The stories all deal with sex in one way or another. Many of them did in a roundabout way for Kiss Kiss, too, but it's not so roundabout here; it's right up there and in your face, or at least as much so as something published in the early 1950s in the english-speaking world can be expected to be. And really, you won't be missing too many sordid details just because this is an old book. Dahl strikes a fine balance by being just suggestive enough to tell you everything you need to know and not slipping into pornographic writing. Plus, at least three of these stories are meant to be funny, and he has no trouble exploiting the sexual angle for humorous purposes. The climax in all four tales is inextricably connected with the sexual climax. I guess if the book were longer this would probably start to get "old", but four stories is just about perfect.
"The Visitor":
I heard people talk about this one before I even read it, so when I did, it was an "oh man, it's this one!" kind of feeling. This, along with the final story, "Bitch", tells of the exploits of the lothario bastard Uncle Oswald. The trick is that Oswal'ds nephew has inherited a huge box of the old scoundrel's diaries, which would largely make for such scandalous reading that the nephew is supposed to keep them secret. But he wants to publish them, and keeps consulting his lawyers. And the the thing is, while the diaries are told in a grandiloquent, self-inflated and pompous style, things usually don't seem to work out so well for our man Oswald in the end. Case in point: in "The Visitor", our would-be Don Juan finds himself stranded in Egypt, where he had been driving around in his expensive car making a nuisance of himself. He meets a fellow rich man in the form of a friendly Arab businessman, and is invited into the fellow's dreamy castle-like home. And what do you know? The man has a beautiful wife, and a gorgeous daughter! What's a rakish gentleman to do? Well, it's no surprise (after reading many Dahl short stories at least) to learn that Oswald has the rug pulled out from him by the end in a nasty, unforgettable way. It's also still just ambiguous enough to make you wonder what really happened. But it's significant that it's the last ever diary entry of Uncle Oswald, isn't it?
"The Great Switcharoo":
Two neighbours, who are also good friends, get together over drinks one night, and admit to each other in that bro fashion we all know so well, that they are attracted to each others' wives. So they hatch a cunning plan to swap bed partners one night every month, without the wives ever finding out. Sound utterly fucking absurd? You bet it is, and you bet that Dahl damn well knows it and is going to string you along for all it's worth. There are quite a few moments of hilarity here, as you might expect. The two guys bumble around for hours trying to compare "notes", to figure out how they can pull this off, to determine what each partner likes and expects from her man, only to have one of them finally throw up his hands exasperatedly and blurt out, "look, what about the really important thing? What are we gonna do about the cock size problem?" Then the end comes, and it's almost what you might expect to happen in this situation, but not quite! Dahl is so good at endings.
"The last Act":
Ok, this story is unexpectedly depressing. It's also the only tale in the book told from a female perspective. A woman, who seems to have a perfect marriage, loses her husband in a tragic automobile accident. It takes her a long time to start picking up the pieces of her life, and she entertains many dark suicidal thoughts. She's finally able to get a real job though and seems to be turning her life around for the better. She never takes a lover, though, despite her friends and doctor encouraging her to do so. One day while on business in Texas, she decides to look up an old boyfriend from highschool. In short, it's a terrible mistake. The guy turns out to be a jerk: a fussy doctor who is both pushy and insensitive. Things don't go well when they hook up and the ending leaves you with the sad feeling that this might just set the poor woman all the way back to those dark, morbid thoughts. I liked this one, but it was a real downer compared with the other tales, and also, i suppose, the most realistic, in a way.
"Bitch"
And here we have what my girlfriend calls "a real big fish story". Uncle Oswald becomes the patron of a crazy scientist who wants to invent a scent that will drive men wild with lust. It works, much to Oswald's delight. But again, things don't really work out the way he wants, on multiple levels. By the time he's decided to use the horn potion to disgrace the President of the United States (just because it would be fun), you know the shit is going to hit the fan. Oswald doesn't get his moment of political satisfaction, but he does get to ride with the biggest, ugliest woman he's ever seen. I probably gave away too much here, and it probably says something bad about my character that I found this one really funny. But so be it!
i read through these really quickly, and I suspect you will too, unless you're the sort of person who is really put off by this sort of thing. Hopefully I've written enough here to give you an idea whether you'll find this entertainingly ribald or a disgusting waste of time. Personally, I find the writing really sharp, witty and natural, and think this is enough to justify setting aside preconceptions about ... well, 1950s sex comedies. Yeah, there's a reason most of those are forgotten, I think, but this one shouldn't be. And there's just something ridiculously cool about having a book called "Switch Bitch", and it actually being good besides!
here we have four stories, nicely packaged together. I mean, theme-wise, the stories complement each other very well, and although I don't know much about original publication history and such, it wouldn't surprise me if Dahl intended for them all to end up in the same volume. The stories all deal with sex in one way or another. Many of them did in a roundabout way for Kiss Kiss, too, but it's not so roundabout here; it's right up there and in your face, or at least as much so as something published in the early 1950s in the english-speaking world can be expected to be. And really, you won't be missing too many sordid details just because this is an old book. Dahl strikes a fine balance by being just suggestive enough to tell you everything you need to know and not slipping into pornographic writing. Plus, at least three of these stories are meant to be funny, and he has no trouble exploiting the sexual angle for humorous purposes. The climax in all four tales is inextricably connected with the sexual climax. I guess if the book were longer this would probably start to get "old", but four stories is just about perfect.
"The Visitor":
I heard people talk about this one before I even read it, so when I did, it was an "oh man, it's this one!" kind of feeling. This, along with the final story, "Bitch", tells of the exploits of the lothario bastard Uncle Oswald. The trick is that Oswal'ds nephew has inherited a huge box of the old scoundrel's diaries, which would largely make for such scandalous reading that the nephew is supposed to keep them secret. But he wants to publish them, and keeps consulting his lawyers. And the the thing is, while the diaries are told in a grandiloquent, self-inflated and pompous style, things usually don't seem to work out so well for our man Oswald in the end. Case in point: in "The Visitor", our would-be Don Juan finds himself stranded in Egypt, where he had been driving around in his expensive car making a nuisance of himself. He meets a fellow rich man in the form of a friendly Arab businessman, and is invited into the fellow's dreamy castle-like home. And what do you know? The man has a beautiful wife, and a gorgeous daughter! What's a rakish gentleman to do? Well, it's no surprise (after reading many Dahl short stories at least) to learn that Oswald has the rug pulled out from him by the end in a nasty, unforgettable way. It's also still just ambiguous enough to make you wonder what really happened. But it's significant that it's the last ever diary entry of Uncle Oswald, isn't it?
"The Great Switcharoo":
Two neighbours, who are also good friends, get together over drinks one night, and admit to each other in that bro fashion we all know so well, that they are attracted to each others' wives. So they hatch a cunning plan to swap bed partners one night every month, without the wives ever finding out. Sound utterly fucking absurd? You bet it is, and you bet that Dahl damn well knows it and is going to string you along for all it's worth. There are quite a few moments of hilarity here, as you might expect. The two guys bumble around for hours trying to compare "notes", to figure out how they can pull this off, to determine what each partner likes and expects from her man, only to have one of them finally throw up his hands exasperatedly and blurt out, "look, what about the really important thing? What are we gonna do about the cock size problem?" Then the end comes, and it's almost what you might expect to happen in this situation, but not quite! Dahl is so good at endings.
"The last Act":
Ok, this story is unexpectedly depressing. It's also the only tale in the book told from a female perspective. A woman, who seems to have a perfect marriage, loses her husband in a tragic automobile accident. It takes her a long time to start picking up the pieces of her life, and she entertains many dark suicidal thoughts. She's finally able to get a real job though and seems to be turning her life around for the better. She never takes a lover, though, despite her friends and doctor encouraging her to do so. One day while on business in Texas, she decides to look up an old boyfriend from highschool. In short, it's a terrible mistake. The guy turns out to be a jerk: a fussy doctor who is both pushy and insensitive. Things don't go well when they hook up and the ending leaves you with the sad feeling that this might just set the poor woman all the way back to those dark, morbid thoughts. I liked this one, but it was a real downer compared with the other tales, and also, i suppose, the most realistic, in a way.
"Bitch"
And here we have what my girlfriend calls "a real big fish story". Uncle Oswald becomes the patron of a crazy scientist who wants to invent a scent that will drive men wild with lust. It works, much to Oswald's delight. But again, things don't really work out the way he wants, on multiple levels. By the time he's decided to use the horn potion to disgrace the President of the United States (just because it would be fun), you know the shit is going to hit the fan. Oswald doesn't get his moment of political satisfaction, but he does get to ride with the biggest, ugliest woman he's ever seen. I probably gave away too much here, and it probably says something bad about my character that I found this one really funny. But so be it!
i read through these really quickly, and I suspect you will too, unless you're the sort of person who is really put off by this sort of thing. Hopefully I've written enough here to give you an idea whether you'll find this entertainingly ribald or a disgusting waste of time. Personally, I find the writing really sharp, witty and natural, and think this is enough to justify setting aside preconceptions about ... well, 1950s sex comedies. Yeah, there's a reason most of those are forgotten, I think, but this one shouldn't be. And there's just something ridiculously cool about having a book called "Switch Bitch", and it actually being good besides!
June 11, 2020
Този вечен циник Роалд Дал. Изважда на показ най-извратената същност на човека.
Много ми е интересно как едновременно пише такъв род разкази и в същото време великолепни детски книги. В него явно са съжителствали всякакви странни хора.
Както вероятно в повечето от нас.
Много ми е интересно как едновременно пише такъв род разкази и в същото време великолепни детски книги. В него явно са съжителствали всякакви странни хора.
Както вероятно в повечето от нас.
December 6, 2023
Щоб краще зрозуміти про що книга, варто було намалювати прутня на всю обкладинку.
Але що, власне, можна було очікувати від оповідань, які писались для Плейбоя)
Але що, власне, можна було очікувати від оповідань, які писались для Плейбоя)
January 15, 2016
Roald Dahl wrote a series of short stories for Playboy, before he got into the brilliant children's books, and here they are.
They're all to some degree about sex, because Playboy, but they mostly avoid wicked bad sexism. I guess? More or less.
"The Visitor" is a Chauceresque story about a guy who wants to seduce a married lady, or her daughter, whichever, but it's super dark and whom has he ended up with? It's cool, nothing super special.
"The Great Switcheroo" is about two guys who hatch a complicated plan to nail each other's wives. It's pretty fun. Note that this is the second story in a row to focus on the old "It's dark so how could I possibly know who I'm fucking" trope, which is my favorite plot contrivance ever.
"The Last Act" is a dire story about a woman who tries to recover from her husband's death. It's hella dark.
"Bitch" is a totally disposable lark about Spanish Fly. It's the most sexist of them, in sortof a frat douche elbow-in-the-ribs way.
It's all pleasant enough. Not crucial reading.
They're all to some degree about sex, because Playboy, but they mostly avoid wicked bad sexism. I guess? More or less.
"The Visitor" is a Chauceresque story about a guy who wants to seduce a married lady, or her daughter, whichever, but it's super dark and whom has he ended up with? It's cool, nothing super special.
"The Great Switcheroo" is about two guys who hatch a complicated plan to nail each other's wives. It's pretty fun. Note that this is the second story in a row to focus on the old "It's dark so how could I possibly know who I'm fucking" trope, which is my favorite plot contrivance ever.
"The Last Act" is a dire story about a woman who tries to recover from her husband's death. It's hella dark.
"Bitch" is a totally disposable lark about Spanish Fly. It's the most sexist of them, in sortof a frat douche elbow-in-the-ribs way.
It's all pleasant enough. Not crucial reading.
February 11, 2016
Well... this book was something entirely different than I was used to when it comes to Roald Dahl!
These 4 dark, sexual, but funny stories really showed me a different side of Dahl.
First of all, I absolutely love his writing style. His sentences are mostly short and easy to understand, but the way he describes things and put his thoughts into words is just utterly brilliant. English isn't my native language, therefore it was incredibly pleasant to read this book.
The 4 stories; The Visitor, The Great Switcheroo, The Last Act, and Bitch, are all full of dark humour, lots of sex and women, and unexpected plot twists.
The fact that most women in these stories are all seen as sex object didn’t even bother me that much, because of course, it’s only fiction, and secondly, it just worked.
I never knew Roald Dahl had such darkness in him, but I can tell you this... he has a pretty messed up mind.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book and gave it 4 out of 5 stars!
These 4 dark, sexual, but funny stories really showed me a different side of Dahl.
First of all, I absolutely love his writing style. His sentences are mostly short and easy to understand, but the way he describes things and put his thoughts into words is just utterly brilliant. English isn't my native language, therefore it was incredibly pleasant to read this book.
The 4 stories; The Visitor, The Great Switcheroo, The Last Act, and Bitch, are all full of dark humour, lots of sex and women, and unexpected plot twists.
The fact that most women in these stories are all seen as sex object didn’t even bother me that much, because of course, it’s only fiction, and secondly, it just worked.
I never knew Roald Dahl had such darkness in him, but I can tell you this... he has a pretty messed up mind.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book and gave it 4 out of 5 stars!
February 23, 2015
Switch Bitch is a collection of four short stories about sex, connected by the same protagonist, Oswald Hendryks Cornelius, whose hilarious or disturbing adventures were later developed into a delicious novel - My Uncle Oswald. I really recommend both (Switch Bitch and My Uncle Oswald) to adult readers.
February 19, 2024
4 very adult short stories by the author of Matilda, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and the BFG. Who knew. The first and last stories involve Uncle Oswald, and the first story (the Visitor), ends with quite the unexpected ending.
November 10, 2014
I'll tell you something for nothing, Roald Dahl must've been awfy good in bed.
August 10, 2016
Mainly funny but heart-wrenching as well, especially the "Last Act", it is an utterly delightful collection of short stories.
September 17, 2009
Here’s a relatively common human experience; having the veil of bullshit shrouding the truth behind some childhood concept ruthlessly torn from your eyes, and being exposed to the cruel realities of a world more twisted than a silly straw.
Your only image of Bill Cosby (or Bob Sagat, for the slightly younger crowd) was that of the consummate family man, always there to impart loving wisdom or perhaps slap a little Neosporin on that skinned knee. Then you were introduced to Cosby’s second LP of his comedy album “8:15 / 12:15”, or worse yet, seen his willingness to do anything for a cold, hard dollar when he agreed to participate in the travesty known as “Leonard Part 6”. Let’s not even delve into the jaw-dropping spectacle of witnessing Sagat on some Comedy Central stand-up routine and discovering his trusty sidekick Dave Coulier was getting blown at the theater by Alanis Morissette shortly after she had her braces removed.
You’d always been fond of that story about the Pilgrims and Native Americans sitting down and roasting a big, juicy turkey together on a spit, and bonding over frontier stories over ears of corn, before realizing those rotten, two-faced Injuns were running amok on the prairies scalping people and honky manifest destiny declared it was high time to wipe that scourge from the face of the Earth. Then you became more understanding and enlightened, and started thinking that perhaps everyone should have some sort of human rights and perhaps the European settlers were just a bunch of dicks. Alas, you finally grew up and realized that anyone still jacking off in a teepee at that point in history is basically an impediment to human progress, and the inability to get your act together isn’t a compelling argument for your continued existence. If you chronically smoke a lot of ‘the doobage’ you probably never moved past Stage III of this sensible pattern of thought.
You finally came to the conclusion that the underlying reason Uncle Creepy was advising you not to tell anyone about the way he touched you at night had nothing to do with the rest of the world ‘not understanding the love you shared’. Let’s pretend I didn’t say that and mosey along.
None of these awakenings can possibly compare to the glory of discovering that Roald Dahl, who I had only known of from my rather not-awesome childhood encounter with James and the Giant Peach, was actually a master at spinning a truly ribald, adult yarn. I have to admit that I was somewhat startled at first to see a Dahl book with the word Bitch right there in the title, and it was basically that intrigue that sold me on this dilapidated volume at a used book store. Truly, I wasn’t interested in anything even remotely like the exploits of James, and although this collection of short stories certainly claimed to be a solid departure from that flimsy fare, I’ve fallen for that gimmick before, and probably will again, so I have to admit that I proceeded with caution, reassuring myself that if it started getting too lame and childish, flinging it into the nearest fire was a totally viable option.
Well, I’m here to proudly confirm that Switch Bitch certainly does not disappoint; it does not pander to a pre-teen audience, while also managing to steer well clear of mindless profanity. I personally consider this a difficult tightrope to walk, and applaud Dahl for his overwhelming success; I myself couldn’t do it, sure I can coo at a baby and jibber at them like I give a shit, but then turn away and immediately begin spewing my usual, as(hole)inine crap right out of the other side of my mouth. Perhaps I just don’t have much of a middle ground. But Dahl, he’s got the goods, and he’s got them in spades. Let me also confess I don’t quite know how many instances constitute that standard these days for ‘spades’, but he displays his storytelling might with four kickass stories in Switch Bitch, and if two is a pair, three can count as several, well, four seems about right to be considered ‘spades’ by this ignorant whelp.
The book first brings forth its finest offering, “The Visitor”, a truly righteous romp. The story proper is prefaced by a narrator advising that the ensuing tale is one of the many momentous exploits of his badass Uncle Oswald Cornelius, a figure long-estranged from the family and shrouded in mystery, or, as Dahl describes “a wealthy bachelor with unsavoury but glamorous habits…the rest was all rumour and hearsay, but the rumours were so splendid and the hearsay so exotic that Oswald had long since become a shining hero and a legend to us all.” It’s been at least thirty years since the narrator has actually espied Oswald with his own eyes (or perhaps single eye, we never learn a whole lot about this schlub, and I’d hate to jump to conclusions), and quite unexpectedly, a crate containing the 28 unpublished journals of his Uncle, The Cornelius Diaries, are delivered into his safekeeping. In a brief explanatory letter, which stylishly manages to contain just enough cheeky nastiness to pique the reader’s interest and justify the man’s debauched reputation, Oswald suggests he’s slipping from this mortal coil, and in lieu of any monetary inheritance (which his wastrel ways have undoubtedly squandered) the narrator can consider himself the proud possessor of these illustrious journals, which chronicle his depraved zenith.
After giving the journals a thorough reading, the narrator decides that in spite of Oswald’s advice, the world has to be presented these fantastic stories. Oswald’s reasons against publication are quite sensible, as the majority include liaisons with women of high-esteem or connections to heads-of-state the world over, but the narrator, either itching to make a quick buck or venerate the oversexed nature of his relative, can’t abide letting these tales go untold. So he selects an entry, the very last journal entry, no less, to share with the world, on the criteria that it is the least incriminating of the lot. Before presenting the story at hand, there are a few things which the narrator needs to impart concerning the gentleman serving as the protagonist in this fantastic tale.
1) “He was not a normal man. He was not even a normally polygamous man. He was, to be honest, such a wanton and incorrigible philanderer that no bride on earth would have put up with him for more than a few days” While this sums it up, the several-page description of his habits is side-splittingly hilarious.
2)His interests (aside from trim) include Chinese porcelain, opera, and vast collections of walking-sticks and spiders. Again, several pages describing his employment of these hobbies (especially the walking-sticks) in the conquest of snizzatch were enough to warrant my doing a load of laundry from repeated instances of pissing myself.
3)Okay, I can’t just leave well enough alone with the walking-sticks. His collection consists purely of sticks from famous historical figures (including King Farouk, Dickens, Wilde, FDR), and he invites his guests to give them a try. One guest is persuaded to give the ‘Tolstoy’ a try, and agrees it’s superb to grasp the stick of that great man. Then he asks them to try the ‘Goebbels’ whilst creeping them out with his mad powers of suggestion. When the dupe confesses “It’s terrifying!”, Oswald assures “Of course it is. Some people pass out completely. They keel right over!” To me, this is the highest level comedy can reach, and if it isn’t your cup of tea, you can probably stop reading right about now, there is officially nothing worthwhile in this review for you; you obviously don’t appreciate Roald’s comedic genius, and my attempts at humor are just plain shitty, especially when juxtaposed with this echelon of brilliance.
Anyway, the first of the four stories begin with this enigmatic and awesome character in the midst of peril; his stylish car is running short of fuel during an exodus from Cairo, prompted by the need to escape the clingy victim of yet another tryst, and he’s about to be stranded in the Sinai Desert. He manages to get to a service station, and while waiting for proper repairs, he hunts scorpions and shows his true, hilarious, bigoted, upper-class colors. Luckily, a posh traveler in a Rolls-Royce arrives and he immediately befriends this man and is off to this fine gentleman’s sprawling palace, where he’s confronted with perhaps the most difficult decision of his life: should he seduce the man’s absolutely stunning and provocative wife, or his totally hot-ass and equally alluring daughter. Laughs abound en route to the climax, and when this story wrapped up, I found myself hoping all four stories concerned this noble stud.
Luckily, Dahl isn’t a one-trick pony, and immediately begins kicking ass on all fronts with the second story, “The Great Switcheroo”. My new hero, Vic, is stultifyingly bored whilst chilling at a cocktail party hosted by his next door neighbors, and eventually manages to ditch his wife, the lovely Mary. After abandoning her to the trite routine of humdrum gossip, he first encounters the hostess, Samantha, who he had a serious urge to lay the wood to, and then her husband and his good drinking buddy Jerry. Hosting the party seems to have been quite the pain in the ass for Jerry, and he commiserates with Vic while they slam a few drinks, and after a time, Vic’s urge to lay Samantha gets the better of him, but not wanting to offend his bro, he decides that the best way to go about getting a piece of that ass is in trade, and spins a ‘would you believe’ yarn about how a guy he works with managed to pull off a wife-swapping arrangement with one of his neighbors. Jerry is exceptionally intrigued by the idea of throwing a bone to Mary, and takes the bait, suggesting that if Vic’s co-worker and his slovenly neighbor can hack it, the two of them can also perpetrate their own great switcheroo. Their conversations on the topic are uproariously entertaining and their conniving and scheming are ridiculously classic. I’m hoping this morsel convinces you to go and discover the execution of the plan for yourself.
The third story, “The Last Act” is hard-hat area; I think this one was Dahl’s appeal to a female audience, as if to compensate for the previous bawdy tales. It centers around a widow named Anna, and Dahl paints a compelling image of the perfect relationship in order to show exactly why this loss was so tremendous and justify the poor creature hitting rock bottom and wallowing in despair. While the first half of the story is rather funny, especially her encounters with her physician, Dr. Jacobs, the second half really didn’t tickle my fancy. Granted, the end isn’t supposed to be funny, but the melancholy overtones of the story seem to be a severe drag after the gentler chicanery of the first two stories.
Story four, the finale of this tome, was simply called “Bitch”; I thought this sounded pretty promising. Several words into the first sentence, I realized my dreams had been answered; Dahl was wrapping it up with another tale from the journals of Oswald Cornelius. Fucking Sweet! Having already dispensed with the background and formalities, and having outlined this maniac’s myriad august accolades earlier in the book, Dahl is now able to deliver more mayhem-per-word than previously, which can never hurt. This time around, Oswald is kicking it in Paris where he meets the olfactory chemist and pervert Henri Biotte. With Biotte’s years of research, and Cornelius’ funding, the duo embarks upon the creation of a cologne/aphrodisiac with the all the usual Love Potion # 9 pratfalls. While this doesn’t stray far from the usual message of ‘unbridled sexual magnetism isn’t always pretty’, Dahl manages to pull it off using his masterful whimsy.
I found this book to be not only an extremely entertaining light read, but a pleasant departure from the style of the only other book of his I’ve read. I’ll gladly sample anything else by Dahl, in the hopes that it contains a yarn or two concerning the man, the myth, Oswald Cornelius. Or if he pays me, of course.
Your only image of Bill Cosby (or Bob Sagat, for the slightly younger crowd) was that of the consummate family man, always there to impart loving wisdom or perhaps slap a little Neosporin on that skinned knee. Then you were introduced to Cosby’s second LP of his comedy album “8:15 / 12:15”, or worse yet, seen his willingness to do anything for a cold, hard dollar when he agreed to participate in the travesty known as “Leonard Part 6”. Let’s not even delve into the jaw-dropping spectacle of witnessing Sagat on some Comedy Central stand-up routine and discovering his trusty sidekick Dave Coulier was getting blown at the theater by Alanis Morissette shortly after she had her braces removed.
You’d always been fond of that story about the Pilgrims and Native Americans sitting down and roasting a big, juicy turkey together on a spit, and bonding over frontier stories over ears of corn, before realizing those rotten, two-faced Injuns were running amok on the prairies scalping people and honky manifest destiny declared it was high time to wipe that scourge from the face of the Earth. Then you became more understanding and enlightened, and started thinking that perhaps everyone should have some sort of human rights and perhaps the European settlers were just a bunch of dicks. Alas, you finally grew up and realized that anyone still jacking off in a teepee at that point in history is basically an impediment to human progress, and the inability to get your act together isn’t a compelling argument for your continued existence. If you chronically smoke a lot of ‘the doobage’ you probably never moved past Stage III of this sensible pattern of thought.
You finally came to the conclusion that the underlying reason Uncle Creepy was advising you not to tell anyone about the way he touched you at night had nothing to do with the rest of the world ‘not understanding the love you shared’. Let’s pretend I didn’t say that and mosey along.
None of these awakenings can possibly compare to the glory of discovering that Roald Dahl, who I had only known of from my rather not-awesome childhood encounter with James and the Giant Peach, was actually a master at spinning a truly ribald, adult yarn. I have to admit that I was somewhat startled at first to see a Dahl book with the word Bitch right there in the title, and it was basically that intrigue that sold me on this dilapidated volume at a used book store. Truly, I wasn’t interested in anything even remotely like the exploits of James, and although this collection of short stories certainly claimed to be a solid departure from that flimsy fare, I’ve fallen for that gimmick before, and probably will again, so I have to admit that I proceeded with caution, reassuring myself that if it started getting too lame and childish, flinging it into the nearest fire was a totally viable option.
Well, I’m here to proudly confirm that Switch Bitch certainly does not disappoint; it does not pander to a pre-teen audience, while also managing to steer well clear of mindless profanity. I personally consider this a difficult tightrope to walk, and applaud Dahl for his overwhelming success; I myself couldn’t do it, sure I can coo at a baby and jibber at them like I give a shit, but then turn away and immediately begin spewing my usual, as(hole)inine crap right out of the other side of my mouth. Perhaps I just don’t have much of a middle ground. But Dahl, he’s got the goods, and he’s got them in spades. Let me also confess I don’t quite know how many instances constitute that standard these days for ‘spades’, but he displays his storytelling might with four kickass stories in Switch Bitch, and if two is a pair, three can count as several, well, four seems about right to be considered ‘spades’ by this ignorant whelp.
The book first brings forth its finest offering, “The Visitor”, a truly righteous romp. The story proper is prefaced by a narrator advising that the ensuing tale is one of the many momentous exploits of his badass Uncle Oswald Cornelius, a figure long-estranged from the family and shrouded in mystery, or, as Dahl describes “a wealthy bachelor with unsavoury but glamorous habits…the rest was all rumour and hearsay, but the rumours were so splendid and the hearsay so exotic that Oswald had long since become a shining hero and a legend to us all.” It’s been at least thirty years since the narrator has actually espied Oswald with his own eyes (or perhaps single eye, we never learn a whole lot about this schlub, and I’d hate to jump to conclusions), and quite unexpectedly, a crate containing the 28 unpublished journals of his Uncle, The Cornelius Diaries, are delivered into his safekeeping. In a brief explanatory letter, which stylishly manages to contain just enough cheeky nastiness to pique the reader’s interest and justify the man’s debauched reputation, Oswald suggests he’s slipping from this mortal coil, and in lieu of any monetary inheritance (which his wastrel ways have undoubtedly squandered) the narrator can consider himself the proud possessor of these illustrious journals, which chronicle his depraved zenith.
After giving the journals a thorough reading, the narrator decides that in spite of Oswald’s advice, the world has to be presented these fantastic stories. Oswald’s reasons against publication are quite sensible, as the majority include liaisons with women of high-esteem or connections to heads-of-state the world over, but the narrator, either itching to make a quick buck or venerate the oversexed nature of his relative, can’t abide letting these tales go untold. So he selects an entry, the very last journal entry, no less, to share with the world, on the criteria that it is the least incriminating of the lot. Before presenting the story at hand, there are a few things which the narrator needs to impart concerning the gentleman serving as the protagonist in this fantastic tale.
1) “He was not a normal man. He was not even a normally polygamous man. He was, to be honest, such a wanton and incorrigible philanderer that no bride on earth would have put up with him for more than a few days” While this sums it up, the several-page description of his habits is side-splittingly hilarious.
2)His interests (aside from trim) include Chinese porcelain, opera, and vast collections of walking-sticks and spiders. Again, several pages describing his employment of these hobbies (especially the walking-sticks) in the conquest of snizzatch were enough to warrant my doing a load of laundry from repeated instances of pissing myself.
3)Okay, I can’t just leave well enough alone with the walking-sticks. His collection consists purely of sticks from famous historical figures (including King Farouk, Dickens, Wilde, FDR), and he invites his guests to give them a try. One guest is persuaded to give the ‘Tolstoy’ a try, and agrees it’s superb to grasp the stick of that great man. Then he asks them to try the ‘Goebbels’ whilst creeping them out with his mad powers of suggestion. When the dupe confesses “It’s terrifying!”, Oswald assures “Of course it is. Some people pass out completely. They keel right over!” To me, this is the highest level comedy can reach, and if it isn’t your cup of tea, you can probably stop reading right about now, there is officially nothing worthwhile in this review for you; you obviously don’t appreciate Roald’s comedic genius, and my attempts at humor are just plain shitty, especially when juxtaposed with this echelon of brilliance.
Anyway, the first of the four stories begin with this enigmatic and awesome character in the midst of peril; his stylish car is running short of fuel during an exodus from Cairo, prompted by the need to escape the clingy victim of yet another tryst, and he’s about to be stranded in the Sinai Desert. He manages to get to a service station, and while waiting for proper repairs, he hunts scorpions and shows his true, hilarious, bigoted, upper-class colors. Luckily, a posh traveler in a Rolls-Royce arrives and he immediately befriends this man and is off to this fine gentleman’s sprawling palace, where he’s confronted with perhaps the most difficult decision of his life: should he seduce the man’s absolutely stunning and provocative wife, or his totally hot-ass and equally alluring daughter. Laughs abound en route to the climax, and when this story wrapped up, I found myself hoping all four stories concerned this noble stud.
Luckily, Dahl isn’t a one-trick pony, and immediately begins kicking ass on all fronts with the second story, “The Great Switcheroo”. My new hero, Vic, is stultifyingly bored whilst chilling at a cocktail party hosted by his next door neighbors, and eventually manages to ditch his wife, the lovely Mary. After abandoning her to the trite routine of humdrum gossip, he first encounters the hostess, Samantha, who he had a serious urge to lay the wood to, and then her husband and his good drinking buddy Jerry. Hosting the party seems to have been quite the pain in the ass for Jerry, and he commiserates with Vic while they slam a few drinks, and after a time, Vic’s urge to lay Samantha gets the better of him, but not wanting to offend his bro, he decides that the best way to go about getting a piece of that ass is in trade, and spins a ‘would you believe’ yarn about how a guy he works with managed to pull off a wife-swapping arrangement with one of his neighbors. Jerry is exceptionally intrigued by the idea of throwing a bone to Mary, and takes the bait, suggesting that if Vic’s co-worker and his slovenly neighbor can hack it, the two of them can also perpetrate their own great switcheroo. Their conversations on the topic are uproariously entertaining and their conniving and scheming are ridiculously classic. I’m hoping this morsel convinces you to go and discover the execution of the plan for yourself.
The third story, “The Last Act” is hard-hat area; I think this one was Dahl’s appeal to a female audience, as if to compensate for the previous bawdy tales. It centers around a widow named Anna, and Dahl paints a compelling image of the perfect relationship in order to show exactly why this loss was so tremendous and justify the poor creature hitting rock bottom and wallowing in despair. While the first half of the story is rather funny, especially her encounters with her physician, Dr. Jacobs, the second half really didn’t tickle my fancy. Granted, the end isn’t supposed to be funny, but the melancholy overtones of the story seem to be a severe drag after the gentler chicanery of the first two stories.
Story four, the finale of this tome, was simply called “Bitch”; I thought this sounded pretty promising. Several words into the first sentence, I realized my dreams had been answered; Dahl was wrapping it up with another tale from the journals of Oswald Cornelius. Fucking Sweet! Having already dispensed with the background and formalities, and having outlined this maniac’s myriad august accolades earlier in the book, Dahl is now able to deliver more mayhem-per-word than previously, which can never hurt. This time around, Oswald is kicking it in Paris where he meets the olfactory chemist and pervert Henri Biotte. With Biotte’s years of research, and Cornelius’ funding, the duo embarks upon the creation of a cologne/aphrodisiac with the all the usual Love Potion # 9 pratfalls. While this doesn’t stray far from the usual message of ‘unbridled sexual magnetism isn’t always pretty’, Dahl manages to pull it off using his masterful whimsy.
I found this book to be not only an extremely entertaining light read, but a pleasant departure from the style of the only other book of his I’ve read. I’ll gladly sample anything else by Dahl, in the hopes that it contains a yarn or two concerning the man, the myth, Oswald Cornelius. Or if he pays me, of course.
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