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243 pages, ebook
First published February 4, 2014
"The rocks were covered in a stringy white substance that stretched from ceiling to floor. Reminded me of Halloween decorations. Except this wasn't fluffy cotton. It was webbing. Huge goddamn spider webs shit out of a demon's goddamn ass. "That's something I didn't want to see, ever," I said. Not that I'd ever given a lot of thought to the possibility. But if I had, "demon shit-webs" would have been really high on the list."
I started running powdered herbs through my fingers, feeling their energies, sensing the potency. Not bad. It was all fresh. ‘So do you want to know the trick to brewing a perfect potion?’ I asked, portioning out the sage.
‘Nope,’ Isobel said. ‘I only asked for lessons so that I would have an excuse to stand next to your sexy body.’
‘Uh,’ I said. Eloquent as always.
‘I’m joking. How do I brew a perfect potion?’
‘Listen to the herbs.’
She burst out laughing.
‘I’m serious. For once. Hold this and tell me what it says to you.’ I dropped the rest of the bag of sage in her hand.
Isobel straightened her face. ‘Okay, I’m listening to the herbs. They say…’ She closed her eyes, shut her fist around the bag. I kept holding on to her. ‘They say that the Cubbies are never going to win the pennant.’
‘Ain’t that the truth?’ I muttered. Of course the Giants weren’t doing much better this season. We couldn’t talk.
Her eyes popped open. ‘I’m not getting anything. I’m sorry.’
‘Maybe it’ll come to you.’ I said. ‘Follow my lead.’
I shouldn’t have been in this mine. I should have been wasting sticky note pads by animating stick figure ninjas. I should have been sneaking mild laxative potions into Suzy’s coffee. I should have been calling in sick so that I could stay home and read the newest Iron Druid release. I should have been – well, just about any-'fricking'-where but here.