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I Will Not Die An Unlived Life: Reclaiming Passion and Purpose

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When Dawn Markova was diagnosed with cancer, instead of lying down to die she delved into a search for meaning and a higher purpose for her life. "I Will Not Die an Unlived Life is a collection of stories of Markova's own journey to uncover her purpose and make her life matter, and it has been inspiring readers to do the same for more than 14 years.

"I'm not sure I know exactly what passion is," writes the author, "but I do know what it does for us. I know that it breaks us open until there is no partition between our bodies and the body of the world. I know it acts on us until something takes root inside and insists on growing. I usually forget that it begins as a reaching down into the dark as well as up and out toward the light."

From the Foreword by Justine and Michael Toms, cofounders of New Dimensions Broadcasting Network:
"Never have the words 'slow down' been so desperately needed as they are now. Markova asks brilliant questions as she gently challenges us to exit the fast lane and move into the slow river of wonder, which summons us to our true passion. She catches our logical minds and prompts us to remember, 'Why are we here?' She stimulates us to ask essential questions, have more conversations, and tell more stories. She speaks the language of poetry, questions, story-telling, and deep reflection.

210 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 1, 2000

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About the author

Dawna Markova

40 books64 followers
Dawna Markova’s passion awakens through storytelling and finding open questions to help people discover how to love the life they have been given.

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5 stars
285 (45%)
4 stars
183 (29%)
3 stars
104 (16%)
2 stars
44 (7%)
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7 (1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 73 reviews
Profile Image for Claire Brear.
36 reviews
December 28, 2018
The kind of book I want to buy a hard copy of, write notes in and buy for everyone I know.
Profile Image for Elyse.
651 reviews
November 22, 2011
A nice range of insights and nuggets of wisdom related to finding personal balance and reclaiming your passion/purpose.

I read the book during a period of personal inertia and apathy, when I have been struggling to find energy and meaning. I found it very helpful to reconceptualize this period as passion's rest, for example. Not a malfunction or dis-ease, but a healthy function for a living organism.

Markova's discussion of constellations ~ as a metaphor for how we navigate through discerning our purpose ~ was also insightful for me. As a person who has long enjoyed breathtaking glimpses and world-reordering awe of the night sky, this image is a powerful one for me.

That said, I found myself resisting this author and her approach at times.

First, very few of us enjoy the luxury of a 6-month sabbatical for absolute solitude to restore and rebalance ourselves. Most of us will not have a private audience with the Dalai Lama (even a cancelled one) or walk on the beach with Thich Nhat Hanh and 1000 disciples. I guess some of her stories, tho poignant and personal, were too lofty and remote to feel relevant for me.

Second, I flinched at one encounter where she spoke of sharing with a man who was really struggling a story about a Santa Rosa church and its disfigured statue of Jesus. After recounting the story, she seemed to acknowledge that she had never heard of Santa Rosa and knows nothing of the Jesus figure from the story. Did she make up a fantasy story for this struggling man? If so, it smacks of stark inauthenticity. And at the very least, it left me wondering whether other stories recounted in the book were likewise imaginative figments.

Finally, the occasional nod to the distinction between purposeful living and remunerative work was too slight, in my opinion. Maybe that's because it's part of my own struggle. Possibly most of her readers have the range of career choices that enable them to reinvent themselves as purpose and passion evolve. But not everyone enjoys that luxury. I wish she had explored this more extensively.

Even so, I give this book three stars because I do think there are nuggets that many people would find helpful and worth the effort to discover.
Profile Image for Ivy.
42 reviews200 followers
February 22, 2024
This book was inspiring and packed with some hard hitting questions that I think every spiritualist needs to consider along their journey. With that said, I am not giving the book 5 stars because it did feel like I was reading a stream of consciousness at times. If you do not enjoy reading about someone's personal life stories, you will not like this book. I usually don't care for this format but I found the book to be exceptionally insightful. This book would also be great for anyone contemplating their relationship with death or anyone struggling to find purpose and passion.
Profile Image for Taylor S..
55 reviews2 followers
March 14, 2017
A "workbook" so to speak about finding the purpose at whatever point you are at in your life. Inspiring! Great book to read at the point of turning 30. Gave me a perspective on where to direct my life moving forward.
Profile Image for Letitia.
1,320 reviews98 followers
December 27, 2021
An emotion-filled, somewhat stream of consciousness look at purpose and meaning and finding the passion of life that may have been lost. I had trouble connecting deeply with this one, although there is wisdom aplenty to draw from. I didn't identify with Markova's almost paralyzing anxiety over her only child, or with her relationship to her family at large. I also wasn't sure, throughout the book, what we were aiming at and whether we arrived. There were, however, some wonderful quotes and her four questions are the key thing I'm walking away with. Definitely material to draw from and get you to think, but certainly not the life-changer I was looking for.
Profile Image for brooklenn leanne.
209 reviews4 followers
December 31, 2021
This started out strong for me. I really thought I’d love it. Somewhere though, I disconnected with it and it fell flat for me?
Profile Image for Girish Joshi.
136 reviews21 followers
December 21, 2022
The review+notes for this book are pending. There is a lot to take home here.
Profile Image for Michelle.
774 reviews4 followers
January 7, 2024
"It is not the events in our lives that determine who we become, but the meaning we choose to place on those events." - Victor Frankl

I have read this book three times, and I always walk away both centered and inspired. One woman's simple exploration of what her life means, Markova experiences it all; trials, joys, the bitter with the sweet, and shares her journey to living a life of passion and purpose. I found it inspiring and, in a weird way, calming. It was a reminder that I can have exactly what I want out of life, and to slow down and appreciate what I have.

She designs an acronym for LIVE to guide her when she is at a crossroads in life:
L: What do I love?
I: What are my inner gifts and talents?
V: What do I value?
E: What are the environments that bring out the best in me?
In doing so, she stays true to her personal path. Part self-help, part memoir, Markova lays her soul bare for the reader, and reminds you to look at the good and move towards the life you want.
Profile Image for Hermine Harman.
30 reviews
April 18, 2025
inspirational Wisdom for Life

I was recommended this book in a dark time for myself, and I am speechless as to its impact! It has opened up so much of my life, births and deaths and seasons and meaning in ways, I had not understood.

I am beyond grateful and inspired to look at my nearly eight decades , delve into the deep places in my mind and spirit and see what this last chapter of my life could become.

After a winter of grief, so much loss and so much impending death both in my close tribe and the world, I feel inspired to seek more meaning and purpose.

Profile Image for Laurie Dittmar.
14 reviews2 followers
June 28, 2012
I didn't agree with all of her choices; but, with that said, this book came along at a much-needed time of my life. This book brought me some new perspectives. I have to say, this was very much a part of my stepping out of the past and into the future...
12 reviews1 follower
October 2, 2009
Understanding and seeing our life as nature's natural cycle of spring, summer, fall, winter. How do I live in a way that brings out the best of who I am?
Profile Image for ForestGardenGal.
435 reviews6 followers
November 6, 2023
I really enjoyed the first half of this book. Her description of her feelings of a lack of purpose and the methods she pursued to find it were informative and helpful, and she included many amazing inspirational quotes from many various sources. I think this would be a great book to help someone re-center their life who is struggling with the general human rat race, but still somehow she lost me along the way.

Maybe I expected more philosophy and less self-help. Maybe I got tired of her whingeing about her family history, anti-semitism and a father who beat her while recounting poignant stories from her childhood. Maybe it was the fact that to me her story felt so disingenuous because she, who had travelled around the world, walked along the beach with a spiritual leader, and had the opportunity to meet with the Dalai Lama (who fell ill so she had the nerve to complain about only meeting with the Rinpoche!!!)-- She had no purpose and needed to take a 6 month sabbatical to find herself? Maybe it was the fact that the sole child she took any interest in while in India she had the nerve to refer to as "the brown child"!!

Maybe it was because in the chapter about finding a new purpose after a devastating loss, which I was super excited to learn from, she used as her example a housefire in which her family was neither killed nor hurt, and all her husband's musical instruments were saved, as was the sole copy of her manuscript- which was apparently the universe telling them where to focus after their devastating loss. Oh, no... That was not a loss, that was a trimming of superficial stuff that helped her refresh her focus. That doesn't help me pivot to find a new purpose after a truly devastating series of losses after which I am truly unmoored- The universe doesn't drop breadcrumbs for us mere mortals, and apparently Ms. Markova doesn't have any real suggestions for us either.
276 reviews
June 23, 2020
This is a re-read. I read this book many years ago and it has become part of my permanent collection. The title reminds me of my desire to live a full life, even in retirement. Our purpose as human beings is to live our life from the inside out, a process she calls constantly being "in-formed" of who we are and who we can become. Another quote that has been important and comes to mind time and time again in my life is: "We are not broken, we are just unfinished." She quotes from another woman but goes on to devote chapters in her book to "What is unfinished in me to give?, What is unfinished in me to heal?, What is unfinished in me to learn? what is unfinished in me to experience? Where I connect with this is in my evolutionary faith perspective: We human beings are not sinners (bad people) as much as we are a really young species (probably just teenagers learning who we are and who we might like to be) who are just unfinished in our development. We can learn and do better. The whole book is wisdom and stories from Dawna's life, stories that shaped and guided her life. It is an easy book to read. It is a harder book to take to heart and interact with. She is a proponent of "Living the questions, living the questions we have about our life and purpose. Therefore, the book is not about answers. It is about having an important conversation with one's self and others. It is about an ongoing process of learning and growing up and responding to life's challenges.
Profile Image for remazera.
61 reviews4 followers
February 24, 2020
The first 2/3 of the book gave the calm and serenity, but stopped doing so near the ending, which made it not so memorable. Tho near the ending, the tone also changed. The author started focusing on herself more and how she helped the world, and I feel like she topped up too many things for a self-help book. I mean yes, she did care about the reader in each chapter, but that consisted of 10-20% only in each chapter, or atleast that’s how I felt.

I get lost at the end, either because 1) I got bored and was not paying much attention 2) loss of the initial feeling I had when I started the book 3) or she really lost me at the soul part.

One point that stood out to me in the book is the ‘twisted seed’ that could come in many forms (anger/rage) that we inherited from our parents — and how could we transform it to another type of energy and shape.
Profile Image for Kim.
1,307 reviews5 followers
February 13, 2017
This book made me think and search deep down inside of myself to find what I want to change within myself. I enjoyed the many quotes, poems and references planted like flowers for the soul throughout the book. I feel uplifted, enlightened and ready for a quest..."what am I more curious about than afraid of?"

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.


Some quotes I enjoyed:

We all have islands of fear inside us, but we also all have continents of wisdom and truth. How do we find our way to them when we are not educated in the interior dimension? These inner landscapes hold the patterns of our passion and purpose. Without knowing how to journey there, our live remain unlived.

Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love. ~Rumi

When I die, I want my heart and soul fully seeded with rich stories and experiences. I want t be moving forward, falling upward, leaving my body well worn. I want to know presence, staying with what is hard until it softens, staying with what is narrow until it expands. I want to know how to float in the silences between breaths and thoughts. I want to know how to lift above and sink below the flow of life, to drift and dream in t he currents of what cannot be known. It's not so much about being prepared for death as it is being full of life. I want to be so well practiced in crossing thresholds that dying is merely another step in the dance. I want to be so comfortable with stillness and silence that I can root in them.

We are part of the whole which we call the universe, but it is an optical delusion or our mind that we think we are separate. This separateness is like a prison for us. Our job is to widen the circle of our compassion so we feel connected with all people and situations. ~Albert Einstein

How could anyone ever tell you
You are anything less than beautiful
How could anyone ever tell you
You are less than whole?
How could anyone fail to notice
That your loving is a miracle
How deeply you're connected to my soul

....how many people live with an overwhelming sense of emptiness, not because they don't have enough in their lives, but because they lack a sense of inner guidance. It is a dark time when so many of us think too small, so many are confined by their beliefs in their own inadequacy, and so many have lost faith in themselves. It's not pain in itself that's so hard on our soul, but the meaningless suffering that comes from feeling disconnected from a sense of purpose.

We are not broken, we are just unfinished. ~Rachel Naomi Remen

Unlimited access. I have faith that every child, every human, has a gift, specific seeds in their soul they are meant to bring to the community, and they deserve to have unlimited access to that gift. I have faith that each of us brings a unique value to the larger whole. This is my profession. If I take this on, if I give it voice and energy, every one of the days of my life will count for something. If not, every day will be wasted.

What if deep inside, deeper than thought or guilt or worry, you told yourself you were a soul in wonder? How would that change the way you live your life?

We cheat ourselves by identifying with a limited notion of who we are so we can fit in, belong to lives so much smaller than our own souls long for us to be.

No punishment anyone might inflect on us could possibly be worse than the punishment we inflict on ourselves by conspiring in our own diminishment.

While you have a thing it can be taken from you...but when you give it, no robber can take it from you. It will be yours always. ~James Joyce

I wonder why it is that we so often imprison ourselves in the opinions of other people.

Is the life I'm living the life that wants to live in me? ~Parker Palmer

Self-care is never a selfish act--it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others. Anytime we can listen to true self, and give it the care it requires, we do so not only for ourselves, but for the many others whose loves we touch. ~Parker Palmer

...through the whole recorded history there has never been another such as you. Each of us is a miracle of uniqueness. Each of us, therefore, is responsible for the discovery of our sustaining passions and rhythms, the cultivation of the green fields in which we can discover what keeps us connected to the full fertility of our soul and all it has to give to the world.

BE HERE NOW!


Profile Image for Vijita verma.
40 reviews1 follower
March 28, 2019
Purpos is where my love meets the needs of the world.

A book to savour and relish. A book to read and reread at each season of self discovery. A book so well written and deeper thoughts so well articulated. There are concepts and questions we all know which are important for us to answer but how do we find those questions and answers is what this book guides us through...a book which gives you a calming influence after your read...feels like a soothing breeze to a tormented or unsettled mine...clears the cluttered thoughts by way of its articulation..I liked the book. Its not a story at all...
Profile Image for morninglightmama.
841 reviews10 followers
September 6, 2019
I struggle with inspirational nonfiction. I did at times with this one, while at other times I felt moved by the author's words. I kept going back and forth, sometimes nodding along, and other times shaking my head at the tone and generalizations. I was put off by a couple instances of what felt like "othering" of people with whom the author interacted at pivotal moments in her life-- some "magical negro" type characterizations and language. I got some encouragement from this, but I mostly wanted to just finish and move on.
(RH 2019 Challenge: A book published prior to January 1, 2019, with fewer than 100 reviews on Goodreads)

13 reviews
February 20, 2020
Based on the title, I hoped for more than autobiographical reflections interspersed with quotes and some relevant advice. The bulk of the story is centered around the author's 6 month sabbatical in a Utah cabin doing some soul searching and meditating. This book recounts that experience as well as other pivotal and defining stories from the author's life. I stopped reading 3/4 through as I was looking for more universal principles.
Profile Image for Cat Rayne .
601 reviews4 followers
January 4, 2021
Dawn Markova takes the reader along on her own path of rediscovery and finding meaning in life. In “ I Will Not Die an Unlived Life” it is often as if we are eavesdropping her thoughts.

Markova’s questioning nature is not new or groundbreaking, but her search for meaning and answers is unique to her, and consequently spur directions and ponder in the reader.

Lovely writing style with ethereal metaphors and homage to Anne Morrow Lindbergh.

Good read to start afresh in 2021.
Profile Image for Ashley.
1 review
December 30, 2022
This was a page turner! I couldn’t put it down! As I read this book, my soul was watered and given new life. I was reminded that I have a purpose regardless of, what I think, my failures, and my spirit was re-ignited to have the courage to lean into my life’s purpose. And… believe I have one. I would recommend this book to anyone facing life challenges that may lead them to feel hopeless and feel like they are going to give up.
Profile Image for Andria.
192 reviews1 follower
April 24, 2023
A book with a lot of personal sentiment and some fantastic moments of wisdom. I, like other reviews I've read, felt disconnected in the second half, and I'm not able to put my finger on why. There were some well written passages on service, environment, and gifts or talents that were interesting. But I still found myself drifting a bit in attention.

Still, some wonderful bits of contemplation and questions to meditate on.
Profile Image for Jen.
118 reviews1 follower
April 1, 2021
There was one shocking example of victim blaming that ruined the whole book for me. Understandably, the book is 20 years old and the language dated, but she references traumatic events in her own life with a casualness that is, in itself, triggering. Especially when there is no prior indication that is the direction the book is going. Would not recommend.
Profile Image for Michelle.
774 reviews4 followers
February 22, 2020
Any time I need a reset in my life, I love to revisit this book. Stay focused on what is important. Follow your passions. And find your purpose. We only get 1 go-round in this life, so make the most of it.
7 reviews
April 7, 2020
Beautiful journey with the author that goes through a deep existential crisis, where you get to see how she recovers her will to live a plentiful life as her memories and purpose arise from her deeper understanding of herself. Full of moments where the will to live flourish.
42 reviews
June 3, 2022
I liked this book very much. I liked the writing style of the author. The author asks questions of the reader in every chapter, which is what I need to pursue the purpose of this book. I recommend this to others. I think its a good book to read in a club too.
3 reviews
May 18, 2019
What I loved about the book is that she shared the questions in her journey and I was able to explore them and design my own journey.
Profile Image for Karen Trench.
Author 1 book10 followers
June 26, 2019
A gorgeous, poetic book that teaches one how to live in and on purpose especially when the going get tough.
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