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Sorcerer's Apprentice: My Life with Carlos Castaneda
When the teenaged Amy Wallace, daughter of bestselling writer Irving Wallace, was introduced by her father to the infamous, reclusive Carlos Castaneda, she little suspected this meeting would lead to a twenty-year friendship and, ultimately, a life changing love affair.
Castaneda, whose teachings moved a generation, told Amy that her now deceased father came to him in a dream, and asked him to protect her from a mysterious danger. At first skeptical, Amy eventually fell in love with both the man and his spiritual teachings.
Over the course of four years, Wallace was drawn deeper and deeper into Castaneda's hermetic, inner circle of disciples. But the promise of eternal life and divine love soon turned sour, as Castaneda–the man who had promised to make her his wife–now wanted her as part of his harem, as well as even procuring new women. He alternately told her that his larger than-life teacher, don Juan, was "a metaphor" and "a real being."
By turns erotic and suspenseful, darkly humorous and heart-rendering, Sorcerer's Apprentice is an unflinching examination of the exquisite heights and degrading depths of Wallace's life within the group of "witches" and "apprentices." This honest portrayal of her dependence on Castaneda, constantly reinforced by her mentor/lover's combination of charisma and cruelty, will keep you turning pages.
With the skill of a master storyteller and the spiritual courage of a lifelong seeker, Wallace takes us from early meetings to a romantic idyll in Mexico; she shares previously unpublished material straight from the Nagual and explores the harrowing aftermath of Castaneda's death–including the mystery of five missing disciples who may have left Los Angeles in a suicide pact–and the shattering long term effects of his legacy. Finally, we see her ultimate, uplifting escape from the group, as she learns the danger of giving away her power to another and the consequent joy of recovering the strength of her spirit, a power each one of us possesses.
A love story, a cautionary tale, and a precise account of stranger-than-fiction events, this memoir shows us Castaneda as he was, and encourages the reader to reject the manipulations of a brilliant, complex, but tragically flawed and jealous guru, in favor of the magic within.
Castaneda, whose teachings moved a generation, told Amy that her now deceased father came to him in a dream, and asked him to protect her from a mysterious danger. At first skeptical, Amy eventually fell in love with both the man and his spiritual teachings.
Over the course of four years, Wallace was drawn deeper and deeper into Castaneda's hermetic, inner circle of disciples. But the promise of eternal life and divine love soon turned sour, as Castaneda–the man who had promised to make her his wife–now wanted her as part of his harem, as well as even procuring new women. He alternately told her that his larger than-life teacher, don Juan, was "a metaphor" and "a real being."
By turns erotic and suspenseful, darkly humorous and heart-rendering, Sorcerer's Apprentice is an unflinching examination of the exquisite heights and degrading depths of Wallace's life within the group of "witches" and "apprentices." This honest portrayal of her dependence on Castaneda, constantly reinforced by her mentor/lover's combination of charisma and cruelty, will keep you turning pages.
With the skill of a master storyteller and the spiritual courage of a lifelong seeker, Wallace takes us from early meetings to a romantic idyll in Mexico; she shares previously unpublished material straight from the Nagual and explores the harrowing aftermath of Castaneda's death–including the mystery of five missing disciples who may have left Los Angeles in a suicide pact–and the shattering long term effects of his legacy. Finally, we see her ultimate, uplifting escape from the group, as she learns the danger of giving away her power to another and the consequent joy of recovering the strength of her spirit, a power each one of us possesses.
A love story, a cautionary tale, and a precise account of stranger-than-fiction events, this memoir shows us Castaneda as he was, and encourages the reader to reject the manipulations of a brilliant, complex, but tragically flawed and jealous guru, in favor of the magic within.
421 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2003
33 people are currently reading
890 people want to read
About the author
Amy Wallace
38 books28 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
Amy Wallace was an American author. She was the daughter of authors Irving Wallace and Sylvia Wallace and sister of historian David Wallechinsky.
Amy Wallace was an American author. She was the daughter of authors Irving Wallace and Sylvia Wallace and sister of historian David Wallechinsky.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 46 reviews
April 24, 2008
Amy Wallace, one of Carlos Castenada's many lovers, exposes the dark side in this kiss-and-tell about the spiritual con-man and his manipulative followers. A real eye-opener for anyone who loved Castenada's books, as I did, and found them captivating. In the end, Castenada's addictions to power, deception, and womanizing got the better of him and he died a bitter, raging, ugly creature, betraying the beauty and insights of his shamanic novels.
July 26, 2007
This book about one woman’s intimate involvement with Carlos Castaneda and members of his inner circle affected me on a very personal level, as one of the spiritual groups I was involved with borrowed heavily from the teachings of Carlos and his female colleagues. Reading Amy’s account of the dysfunction and cruelty within that group, as well as discovering information that discredited many things that I had believed as fact, caused a crumbling of a large chunk of my world view that felt a lot like finding out there is no Santa Claus.
Amy handles her subject confidently and there are parts of this book that are truly gripping. It might not be as compelling to someone with less familiarity with Carlos’s work, as some scenes have repetitive themes. But I would strongly recommend it to anyone who was moved by the work of Castaneda and his female companions.
Amy handles her subject confidently and there are parts of this book that are truly gripping. It might not be as compelling to someone with less familiarity with Carlos’s work, as some scenes have repetitive themes. But I would strongly recommend it to anyone who was moved by the work of Castaneda and his female companions.
May 4, 2012
Sorcerer's Apprentice: My Life With Carlos Castaneda is Amy Wallace's account of the decades she spent as an acolyte and lover to Carlos Castaneda, author of several treatises on shamanism, books which captivated a generation as Wallace puts it. Wallace tells how she admired Castaneda's work, regardless of the anthropological veracity of his so-called tutelage under Yacqui Indian shaman, Don Juan. As daughter to famed novelist Irving Wallace, the author meets the elusive Castaneda as a girl and then upon her father's death, is courted by Castaneda and his coterie of witches who entreat her to join their circle. Eventually Wallace is drawn into the sorcerer's life, compelled by a need for a father figure and by her respect for Castaneda, the philosopher, as much as by their sexual chemistry. She submits herself to the group's discipline and is subjected to the disorienting process of ego-eradication through mind games and verbal abuse. Wallace recounts in finite detail the pettiness that dominated the sorcerers' daily affairs and interactions, and bemoans the many wrongs done her at the same time that she revels in the group's amorality, its quixotic quest to transcend its members' squalid humanity. Her sojourn amongst the sorcerers only comes to an end when Castaneda dies of cancer and several of his closest witches disappear and are assumed dead by suicide.
What fascinated me in Wallace's account was Castaneda's lived interpretation of his own sorcerer philosophy as expounded in his books. I have only read one Castaneda book to date, and admittedly, I remember its specifics only vaguely. Through the character of Don Juan, Castaneda presents a shamanistic metaphysical paradigm in which everything is energy and interconnection, and the way to heal your life is to sever your attachment to the “Western” word configurations that define you, and through which you expend your energy. In subsequent books, Castaneda claims that Don Juan initiated him into the life of a brujo, a sorcerer who has the power to heal or harm others by manipulating their energy. It is through Wallace's eyes that we see this life played out in fact. And Castaneda's life as a reclusive celebrity who kept a harem of women and who seemed to spend the hours of his days going from one conference or workshop to another, is far less glamorous and romantic than the Yacqui way of being described so eloquently in his book. Castaneda storms, rants, and whispers sweet nothings. He gives crazy page-boy haircuts to his lovers, assigns silly names to members of his inner circle, stages real-life confrontations with devotee's family members in order to destroy the ego and effect magic. He declares in front of thousands of people that he is celibate, and hours later, he is having sordid sex with Wallace. Are these reports proof that his philosophy is flawed, that his magic is imaginary? As someone firmly ensconced within the Western philosophical tradition, I am bound to admit that when it comes to ascertaining the power of the Imaginary, and the power of a communal fantasy to dictate personal narratives and the actions that result from them, the truth is in the eye of the beholder.
Written like a series of poorly-edited diary entries, Wallace's memoir of sorts is more a collage of deeply personal impressions than a cohesive narrative. The story, in its non-linear and almost hasty format, is raw ans often confusing for the reader. Wallace is having a conversation with herself, making claims and associations that must make sense to her but seem haphazard and random for those outside her brain. Nonetheless, I imagine that this book was an act of catharsis for her after a season in her life that has undoubtedly been the central and defining moment of her existence. She gives voice to the many personalities in her consciousness, letting each of them have their say, no matter how contradictory, and this exorcism is addicting to witness. While I wish that the narrative had more style and structure to it, I was mesmerized by her story and thoroughly convinced that she had every right to her contradictions and her ambivalence.
What fascinated me in Wallace's account was Castaneda's lived interpretation of his own sorcerer philosophy as expounded in his books. I have only read one Castaneda book to date, and admittedly, I remember its specifics only vaguely. Through the character of Don Juan, Castaneda presents a shamanistic metaphysical paradigm in which everything is energy and interconnection, and the way to heal your life is to sever your attachment to the “Western” word configurations that define you, and through which you expend your energy. In subsequent books, Castaneda claims that Don Juan initiated him into the life of a brujo, a sorcerer who has the power to heal or harm others by manipulating their energy. It is through Wallace's eyes that we see this life played out in fact. And Castaneda's life as a reclusive celebrity who kept a harem of women and who seemed to spend the hours of his days going from one conference or workshop to another, is far less glamorous and romantic than the Yacqui way of being described so eloquently in his book. Castaneda storms, rants, and whispers sweet nothings. He gives crazy page-boy haircuts to his lovers, assigns silly names to members of his inner circle, stages real-life confrontations with devotee's family members in order to destroy the ego and effect magic. He declares in front of thousands of people that he is celibate, and hours later, he is having sordid sex with Wallace. Are these reports proof that his philosophy is flawed, that his magic is imaginary? As someone firmly ensconced within the Western philosophical tradition, I am bound to admit that when it comes to ascertaining the power of the Imaginary, and the power of a communal fantasy to dictate personal narratives and the actions that result from them, the truth is in the eye of the beholder.
Written like a series of poorly-edited diary entries, Wallace's memoir of sorts is more a collage of deeply personal impressions than a cohesive narrative. The story, in its non-linear and almost hasty format, is raw ans often confusing for the reader. Wallace is having a conversation with herself, making claims and associations that must make sense to her but seem haphazard and random for those outside her brain. Nonetheless, I imagine that this book was an act of catharsis for her after a season in her life that has undoubtedly been the central and defining moment of her existence. She gives voice to the many personalities in her consciousness, letting each of them have their say, no matter how contradictory, and this exorcism is addicting to witness. While I wish that the narrative had more style and structure to it, I was mesmerized by her story and thoroughly convinced that she had every right to her contradictions and her ambivalence.
July 4, 2012
I agree with the reviewer who found the book to be similar to disjointed diary entries. The book feels like it was written as a psychological exercise. It starts cohesively enough, explaining how Wallace met Castaneda and why she was drawn to him and his books. Once Wallace recounts why her family life prepared her to give up her personal power in the way she did, however, the book starts to meander and repeat itself. By the time I finished it, I was a little tired of being in Wallace's head.
Certainly the book is an example of the contradictions inherent in being human. Wallace states that ultimately she sees Castaneda's genius and his flaws, though it feels somehow like she's trying to convince herself of this. To me, the book stands as an example of what happens when humans reach for God, or Infinity, or what it is that we are seeking. As we clear out our stuff, we become more powerful, but power can be a corruptive force. And for some reason, we humans use God/freedom/enlightenment in the same manner we use money; that is to say, we become spiritually materialistic. It seems like we do this in small cults like Castaneda's all the way to large cults like some churches.
At times the book has a gossipy feel to it, and the sarcastic digs become more prominent as the book progresses, which is a shame. I'm not sure I believe everything that Wallace says about Castaneda, but enough of the book is either a factual account or backed up by others that it at least provides one avenue to the truth about this man. However, if someone more mentally fit had either written or edited the book, it may have been a better avenue to the truth.
Despite its faults, the book showed both the genius of Castaneda and his jealous, controlling, hypocritical tendencies. To me, that was its value: to demonstrate the risks inherent in giving your power to someone who says they have tremendous power. A lot of seekers are doing so because they recognize the suffering in their lives, and perhaps abuse of power is unavoidable until someone is further along than Castaneda. Perhaps some readers would conclude Castaneda had no real power at all, but as Wallace points out, someone wrote those books. In fact, the decline in their quality is, to me, indicative of Castaneda's mental slide between the late 60's and the 90's.
In any case, this is a good book to read for anyone in any spiritual or religious group who is wrestling with personal power and how not to hand it over to someone else. As Wallace's story shows, sometimes that feels good, but it is our responsibility what we do with our power, and we can't completely blame someone else when someone misuses it, even if they should be above such things.
Certainly the book is an example of the contradictions inherent in being human. Wallace states that ultimately she sees Castaneda's genius and his flaws, though it feels somehow like she's trying to convince herself of this. To me, the book stands as an example of what happens when humans reach for God, or Infinity, or what it is that we are seeking. As we clear out our stuff, we become more powerful, but power can be a corruptive force. And for some reason, we humans use God/freedom/enlightenment in the same manner we use money; that is to say, we become spiritually materialistic. It seems like we do this in small cults like Castaneda's all the way to large cults like some churches.
At times the book has a gossipy feel to it, and the sarcastic digs become more prominent as the book progresses, which is a shame. I'm not sure I believe everything that Wallace says about Castaneda, but enough of the book is either a factual account or backed up by others that it at least provides one avenue to the truth about this man. However, if someone more mentally fit had either written or edited the book, it may have been a better avenue to the truth.
Despite its faults, the book showed both the genius of Castaneda and his jealous, controlling, hypocritical tendencies. To me, that was its value: to demonstrate the risks inherent in giving your power to someone who says they have tremendous power. A lot of seekers are doing so because they recognize the suffering in their lives, and perhaps abuse of power is unavoidable until someone is further along than Castaneda. Perhaps some readers would conclude Castaneda had no real power at all, but as Wallace points out, someone wrote those books. In fact, the decline in their quality is, to me, indicative of Castaneda's mental slide between the late 60's and the 90's.
In any case, this is a good book to read for anyone in any spiritual or religious group who is wrestling with personal power and how not to hand it over to someone else. As Wallace's story shows, sometimes that feels good, but it is our responsibility what we do with our power, and we can't completely blame someone else when someone misuses it, even if they should be above such things.
July 9, 2012
This book is a must read for anyone who has a serious interest in Carlos Castaneda and the teachings described in his books. Amy gives a candid account of her experiences with Carlos and helps to put him and his books into perspective.
January 13, 2015
Whiny, repetitive, and disorganized. Page after page of "Then Carlos rebuked me in front of everyone" usually followed by something like "Then Florinda called me and told me I was an asshole", over and over. This mixed in with other petty middle school mentality antics with no clear explanation as to why she stuck around as long as she did. Eventually, I SO did not care.
July 31, 2011
Brutally honest. You don't often see such careful analysis and personal revealings from the inside of a cult. She learned her sorcerer's lessons well and came out to tell us what it was really like. I'm very impressed with this work.
August 5, 2011
Completely shatters any myths I might have had about Carlos Casteneda. Amy Wallace, (daughter of Irving Wallace) was a Castaneda insider. I won't give anything away. If you ever wanted to search for the Nagual, this is a must read.
May 19, 2011
Muy interesante. Un relato en primera persona que muestra cómo una organización se corrompe y termina dañando a todos sus allegados. Recomendable al 100%
February 20, 2024
Like many in my generation, I was in thrall to Carlos Castaneda and his desert brand of mysticism. Lately, I have been re-reading his works, and now I've also read Amy Wallace's Sorcerer's Apprentice: My Life with Carlos Castaneda. The author knew a very different Carlos, the one who maintained and manipulated a harem of female admirers, among whom was the author of this tell-all biography.
In many ways, I think the early books of Castaneda were brilliant. Then it morphed too much into a way of power, of being a warrior. Carlos had his power. His books brought in scads of money, but his power had he unique ability to make the women who adored him miserable. After he died of cancer in 1998, a number of members disappeared, likely committing suicide.
Fortunately, Amy Wallace lived to write this very authoritative biography of Late Carlos, the one who was into exercising power over women. Such a pity.
In many ways, I think the early books of Castaneda were brilliant. Then it morphed too much into a way of power, of being a warrior. Carlos had his power. His books brought in scads of money, but his power had he unique ability to make the women who adored him miserable. After he died of cancer in 1998, a number of members disappeared, likely committing suicide.
Fortunately, Amy Wallace lived to write this very authoritative biography of Late Carlos, the one who was into exercising power over women. Such a pity.
December 7, 2007
Not a bad book, and one far less shocking than the title and cover matter suggest. While this is definitely an account of working with one of the most famous gurus of the 20th century, above all else it's decent biography -- you learn more about the author's personal relationship with (and sometimes weird dependency on) Castaneda and his "witches" than anything else, but that's still an interesting story.
January 3, 2014
An odd book. The last 100 pages or so are very confusing. It almost feels like the editor gave up or that there wasn't enough time to fix those pages. Simultaneously, the author admits she had no "closure", so she can't really provide a satisfying ending. Because of all of this, the end of the book drags, which is surprising given how fantastic and surreal the first 300 pages read.
While I was familiar with the name Castaneda, I've never read any of his books. I've tried. I've seen them floating around in used book stores for years. They always struck me as a little crazy.
Seeing this book in the library, at random, I thought it would be an interesting exposé to check out. That would be an understatement. There were times, reading about Castaneda's behaviour, that I was filled with irrational fury. The way he treated people, as described in this book, is profoundly offensive to me. And yet makes for fascinating reading.
Oddly, the book gives big pieces of the Castaneda puzzle, without providing all of the answers. What happened to his disciples? Are they dead or alive or what? The book makes me want to do more research to find out.
If you like reading about whacked out cults, you'll like this book. But be warned: at least at the time of writing this book, it feels like the author still had some respect for her "guru". Which is a little terrifying to see. How can she describe such demented abuse and then imagine a pleasant reunion with her abuser? Other times, emotional scenes and events are written about with a kind of flattened affect that can be difficult to understand. Was she still in shock as she wrote this book?
I think the author was a little too close to the subject matter to be purely objective. It's hard to tell how reliable a narrator she is. All the same, it's an odd, fascinating read.
While I was familiar with the name Castaneda, I've never read any of his books. I've tried. I've seen them floating around in used book stores for years. They always struck me as a little crazy.
Seeing this book in the library, at random, I thought it would be an interesting exposé to check out. That would be an understatement. There were times, reading about Castaneda's behaviour, that I was filled with irrational fury. The way he treated people, as described in this book, is profoundly offensive to me. And yet makes for fascinating reading.
Oddly, the book gives big pieces of the Castaneda puzzle, without providing all of the answers. What happened to his disciples? Are they dead or alive or what? The book makes me want to do more research to find out.
If you like reading about whacked out cults, you'll like this book. But be warned: at least at the time of writing this book, it feels like the author still had some respect for her "guru". Which is a little terrifying to see. How can she describe such demented abuse and then imagine a pleasant reunion with her abuser? Other times, emotional scenes and events are written about with a kind of flattened affect that can be difficult to understand. Was she still in shock as she wrote this book?
I think the author was a little too close to the subject matter to be purely objective. It's hard to tell how reliable a narrator she is. All the same, it's an odd, fascinating read.
November 21, 2013
Engaging and interesting enough for Castaneda junkies. Even though the events described by Wallace are appalling it was still a treat to spend more time in the Castaneda universe. Her style is very enjoyable and easy to fly through. Frightening to see how easy it is for even smart people like this author to become involved in a cult; all it takes is a charismatic leader...
Although I enjoyed it I wish it had been more reflective. I would have liked to see more of what was going on inside these people, and this book read more like a journal.
Although I enjoyed it I wish it had been more reflective. I would have liked to see more of what was going on inside these people, and this book read more like a journal.
October 24, 2023
'Carlos berated me severely and repeated something he was telling all the apprentices - that he tried to lift my 'energy body' from below, banged his head on my damaged aura, and had to be driven to the UCLA emergency room by Muni. He insisted he had a concussion.
I wept hysterically to Florinda. "I let down Carlos!"'
One should judge people by their actions. If it isn't clear from reading his latter books that Carlos Castañeda was an abusive cult leader with a dictator's ego and a pathological lier ('stalker', Castañeda would say) with a great talent for telling stories, this book paints the most vivid picture of his personality I've read so far. But the idiocy of the author, who was 35 when she submitted herself to Carlos' little abusive cult, makes this book almost unbearable to read. It will be an eternal riddle to me why some people are so eager to completely submit themselves to people who try to annihilate and control them. Although Wallace describes knowing Castaneda as a rather crooked family friend from her 17th to her 34th, she later still turns out believing any moronic bullshit Carlos comes up with. The thrill and excitement of being around Castaneda seems to be the catch: he was famous, rich, completely unpredictable, sweet one moment, screaming the next, abandoning you at the slightest whim, making himself ever unavailable, rewarding you with short moments of intense attention, turning even the most mundane daily activities into magical events of life and death importance. (Feel that gust of wind? It's the nagual warning us! Quickly, jump on the table, close your eyes and eat this magical button! You will kill us both if you don't do it now! Noooo, don't look around at the window! You shouldn't have looked around! You have failed me! You have spoilt everything! You're worthless! Carajo! You're nothing! - and poofff, off he is, until he calls you from a new phone number, granting you a quick fuck in a motel to see if the Portal to your apprenticeship might open anew).
He was the perfect antidote for Hollywood boredom, and a skillful predator for successful girls from dysfunctional families. His leading ladies were, as often happens in these cases, pimping for him, as Amy Wallace describes towards the end of the book. They lied almost as much as their guru - sorry, 'stalked'.
Wallace describes all the typical characteristics of the cult: abuse, absolute power for the guru, strict hierarchy, forcing new member to break all bonds with parents and even children, the "privilege" to have sex with the cult leader, the conviction of being among the chosen few, contempt for all the rest of humanity, contempt for the idea of being human, forcing members to abandon human behaviour such as showing affection, a habit of bullying each other, sucking upwards and kicking downwards, excluding and including people for obeying and not obeying instructions, instructions behave like ever smiling robots (quite similar to the Heaven's Gate cult), etc.
Predictably, it ended in suicide of the leading members when Castaneda died of cancer - something he had sworn would never happen, because he had been saying that getting cancer is ones own fault. One leading lady drove into the desert, probably expecting some kind of ascension or spontaneous combustion, and died there. Three others vanished and were never found. In the book, the author hears from a leading group member (the 'nagual woman') that they bought guns prior to his death. She decides to stay behind.
I first read 140 pages of this book and got discouraged to read the rest. In those 140 pages, I didn't see any magic. It's pretty well written, but Wallace fails to bring across what was so seductive about Castaneda, she depicts him as a conman from the beginning, which is not very smart from a dramatic, storytelling point of view. Another problem is that Amy Wallace herself is really the main character in the book, and she's not the most interesting person walking around in the book. Also... a concussion from banging his head on your energy body? You took that seriously? Really, Amy?
Update: I read the end after all, from page 277 onwards, to know more about the events surrounding Castaneda's death. It was badly written, depressing, and showed the real depravity of Casteneda's cult; the sleaziness and nastiness of it. When people try to suppress their humanity, it comes out in worse ways. It describes the death of Castaneda and some events after his death. It is clear that some of Castaneda's harem were preparing to "leave", and Muni, a.k.a. Carol Tiggs, a.k.a. the nagual woman, the one who stayed behind, is quite clear to Wallace about them planning to commit suicide. After his death she confirms to Wallace that all the leading ladies of Castaneda were acting as pimps for him. The nagual woman calls herself, with some pride, "Pimp nr 2", while Florinda Donner was Pimp nr 1.
For some reason, Wallace clings to her conviction that she still had a truly romantic relationship with Castaneda, until the end of the book, grabbing onto the distributed moments of real intimacy she shared with him. It's uncanny though to see how all the core members of Carlos harem completely submitted to his every instruction; even when they knew how much bullshit he was telling people, and even though they themselves were spreading the bullshit in abundance. If the success of abusive manipulation is a yard stick for magic, Castañeda was certainly a great magician.
Carlos Castaneda's real magic was in his writing, mainly in his first 4 books. After that, his efforts sagged, while his corruption flourished.
I wept hysterically to Florinda. "I let down Carlos!"'
One should judge people by their actions. If it isn't clear from reading his latter books that Carlos Castañeda was an abusive cult leader with a dictator's ego and a pathological lier ('stalker', Castañeda would say) with a great talent for telling stories, this book paints the most vivid picture of his personality I've read so far. But the idiocy of the author, who was 35 when she submitted herself to Carlos' little abusive cult, makes this book almost unbearable to read. It will be an eternal riddle to me why some people are so eager to completely submit themselves to people who try to annihilate and control them. Although Wallace describes knowing Castaneda as a rather crooked family friend from her 17th to her 34th, she later still turns out believing any moronic bullshit Carlos comes up with. The thrill and excitement of being around Castaneda seems to be the catch: he was famous, rich, completely unpredictable, sweet one moment, screaming the next, abandoning you at the slightest whim, making himself ever unavailable, rewarding you with short moments of intense attention, turning even the most mundane daily activities into magical events of life and death importance. (Feel that gust of wind? It's the nagual warning us! Quickly, jump on the table, close your eyes and eat this magical button! You will kill us both if you don't do it now! Noooo, don't look around at the window! You shouldn't have looked around! You have failed me! You have spoilt everything! You're worthless! Carajo! You're nothing! - and poofff, off he is, until he calls you from a new phone number, granting you a quick fuck in a motel to see if the Portal to your apprenticeship might open anew).
He was the perfect antidote for Hollywood boredom, and a skillful predator for successful girls from dysfunctional families. His leading ladies were, as often happens in these cases, pimping for him, as Amy Wallace describes towards the end of the book. They lied almost as much as their guru - sorry, 'stalked'.
Wallace describes all the typical characteristics of the cult: abuse, absolute power for the guru, strict hierarchy, forcing new member to break all bonds with parents and even children, the "privilege" to have sex with the cult leader, the conviction of being among the chosen few, contempt for all the rest of humanity, contempt for the idea of being human, forcing members to abandon human behaviour such as showing affection, a habit of bullying each other, sucking upwards and kicking downwards, excluding and including people for obeying and not obeying instructions, instructions behave like ever smiling robots (quite similar to the Heaven's Gate cult), etc.
Predictably, it ended in suicide of the leading members when Castaneda died of cancer - something he had sworn would never happen, because he had been saying that getting cancer is ones own fault. One leading lady drove into the desert, probably expecting some kind of ascension or spontaneous combustion, and died there. Three others vanished and were never found. In the book, the author hears from a leading group member (the 'nagual woman') that they bought guns prior to his death. She decides to stay behind.
I first read 140 pages of this book and got discouraged to read the rest. In those 140 pages, I didn't see any magic. It's pretty well written, but Wallace fails to bring across what was so seductive about Castaneda, she depicts him as a conman from the beginning, which is not very smart from a dramatic, storytelling point of view. Another problem is that Amy Wallace herself is really the main character in the book, and she's not the most interesting person walking around in the book. Also... a concussion from banging his head on your energy body? You took that seriously? Really, Amy?
Update: I read the end after all, from page 277 onwards, to know more about the events surrounding Castaneda's death. It was badly written, depressing, and showed the real depravity of Casteneda's cult; the sleaziness and nastiness of it. When people try to suppress their humanity, it comes out in worse ways. It describes the death of Castaneda and some events after his death. It is clear that some of Castaneda's harem were preparing to "leave", and Muni, a.k.a. Carol Tiggs, a.k.a. the nagual woman, the one who stayed behind, is quite clear to Wallace about them planning to commit suicide. After his death she confirms to Wallace that all the leading ladies of Castaneda were acting as pimps for him. The nagual woman calls herself, with some pride, "Pimp nr 2", while Florinda Donner was Pimp nr 1.
For some reason, Wallace clings to her conviction that she still had a truly romantic relationship with Castaneda, until the end of the book, grabbing onto the distributed moments of real intimacy she shared with him. It's uncanny though to see how all the core members of Carlos harem completely submitted to his every instruction; even when they knew how much bullshit he was telling people, and even though they themselves were spreading the bullshit in abundance. If the success of abusive manipulation is a yard stick for magic, Castañeda was certainly a great magician.
Carlos Castaneda's real magic was in his writing, mainly in his first 4 books. After that, his efforts sagged, while his corruption flourished.
March 8, 2025
Нет повести печальнее на свете, чем повесть о Карлито Кастанеде.
В продолжение своего расследования сначала феномена Карлоса Кастанеды, а затем, как открылось, и кастанедовского психокульта я прочитал мемуары Эми Уоллес«Ученица колдуна» (Sorcerer's Apprentice, 1-е изд. — 2003; на русский издана под названием «Ученица мага: Моя жизнь с Карлосом Кастанедой» — М.: АСТ, 2006). Уоллес в течение почти трёх десятилетий, с юности, лично знала Кастанеду (вначале он дружил с её родителями, которые, как и она, известные литераторы) и входила в его ближайший, внутренний круг.
В интернете можно встретить комментарии, где Уоллес необоснованно обвиняют во лжи. Это типичная защитная реакция — реакция защитить светлый образ своего кумира. Важно понимать, что в кастанедовский внутренний круг входила не только она, но и другие, засвидетельствовавшие многие из печальных событий, — например, Ричард Дженнингс, автор сайта Sustained Action; он вёл подробные конспекты и отчёты о закрытых встречах с Кастанедой. Дженнингс следующим образом описывает Кастанеду:
«Карлос Кастанеда был блестящим рассказчиком. Его бестселлеры, почерпнутые из других великих литературных произведений и духовных традиций, передавали полезные принципы в яркой и убедительной для многих форме. Кроме того, в этих книгах и в повседневной жизни он лгал так же непринужденно и часто, как и любой другой мошенник с нарциссическим расстройством личности. И он использовал свою славу и талант рассказчика, чтобы создать вокруг себя культ. Члены этого культа были вынуждены порвать связи с семьей и давними друзьями и полностью посвятить себя следованию Кастанеде и его прихотям». (Sustained Action)
Эми Уоллес (1976–2013) со своим отцом Ирвингом Уоллесом (1916–1990)
Эми Уоллес, дочь известнейших литераторов и сама успешный автор, написала книгу в том числе и как попытку исцелиться, интегрировать опыт интенсивного эмоционального абьюза — с сексуальными злоупотреблениями, — через который прошла она и другие люди (преимущественно женщины), входившие в основанную Кастанедой «общину», которая образовалась вокруг коммерческих семинаров 1990-х гг. Эта община оказалась тщательно выстроенным Кастанедой психокультом своей личности и личностей т. н. «ведьм» — женщин, все из которых (за исключением одной) порвали со своими семьями. На протяжении двух десятилетий он использовал этих женщин в качестве добровольно отдавшихся марионеток для своих извращённых сценариев. Он наделил их вымышленными «магическими биографиями» и позиционировал в качестве сверхъестественных существ.
Сам Карлос Кастанеда демонстрировал классические паттерны, приёмы и особенности нарциссов-абьюзеров:
— активное соблазнение и очаровывание — «бомбардировка любовью», лавбомбинг (love-bombing);
— регулярные исчезновения и обрыв контактов (гостинг, ghosting);
— резкое, агрессивное обесцениваниеи подвергание унизительным как приватным, так и прилюдным оскорблениям, а также газлайтингу (gaslighting);
— основанная на соблазнении и создании ложного впечатления сексуальная эксплуатация;
— тотальный контрольнад различными аспектами жизни участников культа (особенно женщин из внутреннего круга, у которых он контролировал чуть ли не всё, вплоть до питания и интимной стрижки);
— шейминг женщин за внешний вид и наличие лишнего веса (даже в случае объективной худобы);
— преднамеренное сталкивание разных участников друг с другом;
— очевидные массивные, почти психозоподобные проекции (своих неосознаваемых качеств на других) с резкой переменой отношения;
— и т. д., и т. п.
Есть вероятность, что Кастанеда использовал гипнотические приёмы, чтобы в��здействовать на учеников (по крайней мере, есть данные, что он командовал по крайней мере одной из своих «ведьм» изучать гипноз для повышения харизматичности при выступлениях), — в дополнение к обычным авторитарным манипуляциям и доминированию.
Эми Уоллес в интервью «Examiner» (2012) говорит о своей уверенности в том, что Кастанеда использовал гипноз:
«В конце концов я выяснила, что его [Карлоса Кастанеды] предполагаемые магические действия — введение людей в состояние транса — осуществлялись с помощью гипноза».
К сожалению, других сведений по этому вопросу найти не удалось. Быть может, откровенно экстравертному Кастанеде был присущ не выученный, а природный гипнотизм, отработанный в «школе жизни».
Как бы то ни было, непоследовательность, самопротиворечивость, импульсивность откровенно авторитарных поступков, совершавшихся Кастанедой (зачастую поражавших своей жестокосердностью и откровенной абьюзивностью), по-видимому, создавали у людей, вошедших в его окружение, заколдованное, трансовое, некритичное состояние. Лишённые (по приказу Кастанеды) связей с близкими и всех привычных опор эти люди становились ведомыми, следующими за своим аморальным «поводырём».
Создание Кастанедой «магических групп» способствовало регрессивной динамике и делало вошедших в круг людей, которые идеализировали своего кумира, ещё более уязвимыми для самых бредовых требований его псевдопути «воина» — требований, менявшихся по мановению его фантазии.
Всевозможные эксплуатационные и взбалмошные поступки «гуру» подавались им под соусом «пути воина» и тренировки «безупречности». Никакой безупречности, конечно же, не наблюдалось ни у самого Кастанеды, ни у «ведьм», ни у «чакмулок» («чакмулы» — молодые девушки, которых в 1990-е Кастанеда соблазнил и натренировал на то, чтобы они проводили коммерческие тренинги по «магическим пассам», или тенсёгрити, — системе, которую Кастанеда в своих лучших традициях выдал за древнюю, тайную мезоамериканско-индейскую систему, тогда как существенные компоненты этой системы он позаимствовал у Ли, своего учителя цигун [«кунг-фу»], по-видимому модифицировав их на своё усмотрение и в соответствии со своим воображением). Эти женщины, по указанию Кастанеды, специально отбирали и «грумили» подходящих, уязвимых девушек среди участниц тренингов, которых затем знакомили с Кастанедой, чтобы тот давал им персональные «наставления» (то есть попросту сексуально использовал).
Мужчинам также доставалось в плане эмоциональных манипуляций, — к примеру, им, как и женщинам, говорилось, что они должны порвать со своими семьями и близкими, — но Кастанеда всё же был патологическим аддиктом-бабником, поэтому наибольшее количество разбитых сердец и судеб он оставил среди женского пола.
В течение нескольких дней после смерти Кастанеды четыре его ближайшие ученицы/любовницы/«ведьмы» реализовали план и, как считают Дженнингс и Уоллес, совершили коллективное самоубийство (труп одной из них, «Синего Скаута» — Патриши Партин, был обнаружен в начале 2000-х и впоследствии идентифицирован в результате ДНК-анализа). Трупы остальных до сих пор не нашли (равно как отсутствуют какие-либо связанные с ними финансовые транзакции и какие-либо документальные свидетельства), а организация Кастанеды по сию пору отказывается признать факт их суицида.
Косвенное частичное признание в факте смерти «ведьм» совершила одна из «чакмулок» — Наи Мурез, — которая проговорилась в одном из недавних подкастов с «Гуру Викингом», что может общаться в сновидениях с умершими. В качестве примера она привела (с формальной оговоркой) одну из «ведьм», которая является ей во сне (кстати говоря, Наи утверждает, что именно она записывала последние книги Кастанеды начиная с 1993 г. и была чуть ли не соавтором, — при этом степень авторства самого Кастанеды не вполне очевидна. Уоллес в книге описывает, что Кастанеда довольно плохо владел письменным английским, на котором писал свои произведения, и успеху его знаменитых первых работ, вероятно, в значительной степени помогли профессиональные литредакторы издательства «Саймон и Шустер»).
Есть свидетельства, что по мере приближения к концу жизни Кастанеда знал об апокалиптических настроениях среди своих учениц и учеников, знал он и о планировавшемся акте «магического суицида» (кстати говоря, согласно исследовавшему динамику психокультов Колину Уилсону, нарастающие апокалиптические и околосуицидальные настроения, а также всё большее отторжение конвенционального общества, не говоря уже о сексуальной эксплуатации, были заметными характеристиками целого ряда знаменитых деструктивных культов). Кастанеда ровным счётом ничего не сделал для изменения сценария и обеспечения благоприятного процесса перехода/горевания для участников основанной им общины, на своё горе вверившихся ему и его «сказкам о силе» (более того, Кастанеда даже давал некоторым женщинам из внутреннего круга рекомендации, которые можно рассматривать как призыв к подобному суицидальному «прыжку»).
Откуда такое безразличие и жестокость? Ему было всё равно, ведь это был, как предполагают и Ричард Дженнингс, и Эми Уоллес (надо сказать, искренне любившая Кастанеду и после его ухода), нарцисс-характеропат, который был зациклен только лишь на себе и своих фантазиях о собственной грандиозности («безупречности»). Также в конце жизни он страдал от диабета, который в итоге повлиял на его настроения. Умер он от рака, — хотя проповедовал, что такими заболеваниями болеют только «небезупречные» «неудачники» (сам он использовал более обидные слова, и, к слову, матерился он постоянно, часто осыпая проклятиями доверявших ему людей прямо в лицо и прилюдно). Перед кончиной Кастанеда, по всей видимости, впал в окончательное «старческое бесстыдство» (как выразился бы один из моих друзей), и судьба доверившихся ему людей была ему безразлична.
Сама кастанедовская система в свете всех этих данных о секс-психокульте и различных других — зачастую вполне сознательных — этических злоупотреблениях оказывается под вопросом. Очень подозрительно, что некоторые основные понятия кастанедовского учения, вошедшие в массовую культуру, можно воспринять как отражающие динамику нарциссического расстройства личности (НРЛ):
• массированные, оторванные от реальности фантазии;
• вера в грандиозный концепт «безупречности» (который, как становится ясно из описаний Уоллес, отражал, скорее, субъективную, весьма произвольную игру воображения самого Кастанеды и, как выразились бы психологи, его расщеплённых эго/объектных отношений);
• динамика «чувства собственной важности» (ЧСВ) и «жалости к себе» (ЖкС) в связи со «страхом смерти»;
• и т. д.
Описание динамики «чувства собственной важности» (аспект нарциссической грандиозности) и «жалости к себе» (аспект ничтожности, стыда по поводу своей дефицитарности, вызывающей ужас) соответствуют, вероятно, внутренним нарциссическим качелям самого Кастанеды, который на протяжении десятилетий проявлял себя в качестве вурдалака-казановы, высасывающего биоэнергию тех несчастных, кто попал в «биополе» его нарциссической орбиты. В любой удобный для своего эгоцентризма момент он без объяснения «стирал свою личную историю» (а-ля гостинг, ghosting), менял номер телефона, выдумывал факты о своей жизни, — дабы уйти от персональной ответственности и реального контакта.
Безжалостное, жестокосердное, обесценивающее отношение Кастанеды к своим самым близким людям, проведшим с ним не одно десятилетие и ухаживавшим за ним, когда тот мучался на смертном одре, отражает патологическую нарциссическую динамику — попытку изгнать из себя тщательно скрываемую (прежде всего от себя) внутреннюю ничтожность через проекцию в Другого. А далее — изгнать самого этого Другого, который неизменно «разочаровывал» Кастанеду, показывал свою «недостойность», «нечистоту», «небезупречность», «порочность».
Самому Кастанеде время от времени были присущи приступы чувства своей недостаточности, дефицитарности (он неоднократно жаловался, называл себя «коричневокожим коротышкой»), что также закономерно для нарцисса-характеропата с тяжёлым нарушением привязанности (отвергающего либо дезорганизованного типа).
Не описал ли Кастанеда в своих книгах под видом «учения мексиканских/толтекских магов» свой собственный патологический нарциссизм как бы изнутри?
Многие из нас были склонны идеализировать Кастанеду и его работы, потому что мы путали лирического героя / художественный вымысел с реальным человеком-автором. Открывшиеся сведения как о последнем десятилетии его жизни, так и о её более ранних этапах, ставят под сомнение безопасность идей, которые он описывал в своих художественных произведениях.
Литературная заслуга Кастанеды в том, что он под видом якобы реальных событий записывал свою фантазию, заигрывая с жанром «магического/психоделического реализма». Откровенно вымышленные описания он соединял с компиляцией из множества антропологических и философских работ, прочитанных им в библиотеке Калифорнийского университета и почерпнутых из иных источников.
В результате он создал правдоподобную, психоактивную сказку и открыл десяткам миллионов людей, излишне погружённых в грубые состояния сознания, существование альтернативных, необычных, изменённых состояний, осознанных сновидений (наполненных волшебными «неорганическими» существами) и неких оккультных, «магических» тайн.
Из-за «синдрома утёнка» и потребности в идеализируемых героях-авторитетах многие, прочитавшие Кастанеду в подростковом возрасте, так критически и не отрефлексировали наследие Кастанеды и не присмотрелись к тёмной, крайне жестокой и эгоцентрированной стороне его самого и его учения (которая была под��ёркнута некоторыми его критиками).
Откровенный плагиат, жестокость, издевательства, насилие, экстремальные антигуманные идеалы, болезненные фантазии о влиянии романтических партнёров и детей на энергетическое тело «безупречного воина», отречение от зрелой любви, путешествия в инфернальные миры — всё это россыпью встречается в кастанедовских текстах, не лишённых красоты и поэтики.
Кастанеда был не просто литератором, уединённым писателем-фантастом. Если бы этим всё ограничилось, то мы бы так и остались гадать, кем же он был или не был, грезили о некой мнимой тайне вокруг его личности. Нет, ему было скучно жить повседневностью (как и многим клиническим нарциссистам-вампирам), поэтому он искал приключений, славы, публичности и открыто претендовал на роль духовного авторитета («последнего нагваля»), имеющего право произвольно распоряжаться судьбами людей, собрав вокруг себя подпитывающую группу, занимавшуюся его развлечением и финансированием.
Он с удовольствием пользовался своим авторитетом для получения бесконтрольного самоудовлетворения через эксплуатацию доверившихся ему людей, с которыми он играл в бесконечные игры ума (mindgames) на самых разных уровнях. В своём тщательно срежиссированном «театре бесконечности» он играл судьбами людей, которых воспринимал в качестве своих нарциссических расширений; писал сценарии для их ролей, ломал и разбивал их, как ребёнок свои машинки.
(Что ему нужно было сделать вместо всех этих разрушительных психоментальных игрищ, — это записаться в длительную психотерапию к специалисту по клиническому нарциссизму для того, чтобы в результате напряжённой работы осуществить коррекцию своего нарциссического расстройства личности. Увы, чувство собственной грандиозности ему не позволяло признать самого факта наличия проблемы, не говоря уже о том, чтобы обратиться к Другому за помощью.
К тому времени уже были широко известны случаи деструктивных сект и культов типа Джонстауна, было написано много литературы на этот счёт, и Кастанеда, будучи начитанным человеком, не мог не знать о существовании феномена деструктивной динамики психокультов. В какой-то момент он даже раздумывал о том, чтобы зарегистрировать свою общину как религиозную, последовав примеру Л. Рон Хаббарда, но отказался от этой затеи. Это кое-что сообщает нам об общем настрое его мыслей и том, что он, возможно, осознавал себя манипулятором, утратившим моральные опоры и желающим питаться за счёт жизненной энергии других людей.)
Обложка англ. издания книги Эми Уоллес «Ученица колдуна: Моя жизнь с Карлосом Кастанедой»
«Казус Кастанеды» является прекрасной моделью классического психокульта (со своими особенностями), особенно полезной для изучения динамики деструктивных психокультов в новых духовно-религиозных движениях, что должно заинтересовать религиоведов, трансперсональных и клинических психологов.
Есть замечательный вебсайт Ричарда Дженнингса https://sustainedaction.org/, на котором можно найти тщательно составленные таймлайны и сведения о различных аспектах кастанедовской биографии и созданного им деструктивного психокульта.
В завершение приведу слова безвременно ушедшей Эми Уоллес:
«Никогда не отдавайте свою силу кому-то другому, кто утверждает, что обладает особыми знаниями. Это худшая ошибка, которую я когда-либо совершала. Это не значит, что в речах и книгах Карлоса нет мудрости, она действительно есть, но [психо]культы — это зло, и я была в [психо]культе. До сих пор страдаю от посттравматического стрессового расстройства, ночных кошмаров, мурашек по телу и т. д. То, что эта книга так помогла другим, значит больше, чем я могу выразить» (из интервью Эми Уоллес журналу «Examiner»).
Каждому человеку свойственны духовные искания. Внутреннее стремление к Духу — заповедная часть нашей души. Горе тем, кто безответственно злоупотребляет искренней потребностью людей в подлинном контакте с Высшей Реальностью.
В продолжение своего расследования сначала феномена Карлоса Кастанеды, а затем, как открылось, и кастанедовского психокульта я прочитал мемуары Эми Уоллес«Ученица колдуна» (Sorcerer's Apprentice, 1-е изд. — 2003; на русский издана под названием «Ученица мага: Моя жизнь с Карлосом Кастанедой» — М.: АСТ, 2006). Уоллес в течение почти трёх десятилетий, с юности, лично знала Кастанеду (вначале он дружил с её родителями, которые, как и она, известные литераторы) и входила в его ближайший, внутренний круг.
В интернете можно встретить комментарии, где Уоллес необоснованно обвиняют во лжи. Это типичная защитная реакция — реакция защитить светлый образ своего кумира. Важно понимать, что в кастанедовский внутренний круг входила не только она, но и другие, засвидетельствовавшие многие из печальных событий, — например, Ричард Дженнингс, автор сайта Sustained Action; он вёл подробные конспекты и отчёты о закрытых встречах с Кастанедой. Дженнингс следующим образом описывает Кастанеду:
«Карлос Кастанеда был блестящим рассказчиком. Его бестселлеры, почерпнутые из других великих литературных произведений и духовных традиций, передавали полезные принципы в яркой и убедительной для многих форме. Кроме того, в этих книгах и в повседневной жизни он лгал так же непринужденно и часто, как и любой другой мошенник с нарциссическим расстройством личности. И он использовал свою славу и талант рассказчика, чтобы создать вокруг себя культ. Члены этого культа были вынуждены порвать связи с семьей и давними друзьями и полностью посвятить себя следованию Кастанеде и его прихотям». (Sustained Action)
Эми Уоллес (1976–2013) со своим отцом Ирвингом Уоллесом (1916–1990)
Эми Уоллес, дочь известнейших литераторов и сама успешный автор, написала книгу в том числе и как попытку исцелиться, интегрировать опыт интенсивного эмоционального абьюза — с сексуальными злоупотреблениями, — через который прошла она и другие люди (преимущественно женщины), входившие в основанную Кастанедой «общину», которая образовалась вокруг коммерческих семинаров 1990-х гг. Эта община оказалась тщательно выстроенным Кастанедой психокультом своей личности и личностей т. н. «ведьм» — женщин, все из которых (за исключением одной) порвали со своими семьями. На протяжении двух десятилетий он использовал этих женщин в качестве добровольно отдавшихся марионеток для своих извращённых сценариев. Он наделил их вымышленными «магическими биографиями» и позиционировал в качестве сверхъестественных существ.
Сам Карлос Кастанеда демонстрировал классические паттерны, приёмы и особенности нарциссов-абьюзеров:
— активное соблазнение и очаровывание — «бомбардировка любовью», лавбомбинг (love-bombing);
— регулярные исчезновения и обрыв контактов (гостинг, ghosting);
— резкое, агрессивное обесцениваниеи подвергание унизительным как приватным, так и прилюдным оскорблениям, а также газлайтингу (gaslighting);
— основанная на соблазнении и создании ложного впечатления сексуальная эксплуатация;
— тотальный контрольнад различными аспектами жизни участников культа (особенно женщин из внутреннего круга, у которых он контролировал чуть ли не всё, вплоть до питания и интимной стрижки);
— шейминг женщин за внешний вид и наличие лишнего веса (даже в случае объективной худобы);
— преднамеренное сталкивание разных участников друг с другом;
— очевидные массивные, почти психозоподобные проекции (своих неосознаваемых качеств на других) с резкой переменой отношения;
— и т. д., и т. п.
Есть вероятность, что Кастанеда использовал гипнотические приёмы, чтобы в��здействовать на учеников (по крайней мере, есть данные, что он командовал по крайней мере одной из своих «ведьм» изучать гипноз для повышения харизматичности при выступлениях), — в дополнение к обычным авторитарным манипуляциям и доминированию.
Эми Уоллес в интервью «Examiner» (2012) говорит о своей уверенности в том, что Кастанеда использовал гипноз:
«В конце концов я выяснила, что его [Карлоса Кастанеды] предполагаемые магические действия — введение людей в состояние транса — осуществлялись с помощью гипноза».
К сожалению, других сведений по этому вопросу найти не удалось. Быть может, откровенно экстравертному Кастанеде был присущ не выученный, а природный гипнотизм, отработанный в «школе жизни».
Как бы то ни было, непоследовательность, самопротиворечивость, импульсивность откровенно авторитарных поступков, совершавшихся Кастанедой (зачастую поражавших своей жестокосердностью и откровенной абьюзивностью), по-видимому, создавали у людей, вошедших в его окружение, заколдованное, трансовое, некритичное состояние. Лишённые (по приказу Кастанеды) связей с близкими и всех привычных опор эти люди становились ведомыми, следующими за своим аморальным «поводырём».
Создание Кастанедой «магических групп» способствовало регрессивной динамике и делало вошедших в круг людей, которые идеализировали своего кумира, ещё более уязвимыми для самых бредовых требований его псевдопути «воина» — требований, менявшихся по мановению его фантазии.
Всевозможные эксплуатационные и взбалмошные поступки «гуру» подавались им под соусом «пути воина» и тренировки «безупречности». Никакой безупречности, конечно же, не наблюдалось ни у самого Кастанеды, ни у «ведьм», ни у «чакмулок» («чакмулы» — молодые девушки, которых в 1990-е Кастанеда соблазнил и натренировал на то, чтобы они проводили коммерческие тренинги по «магическим пассам», или тенсёгрити, — системе, которую Кастанеда в своих лучших традициях выдал за древнюю, тайную мезоамериканско-индейскую систему, тогда как существенные компоненты этой системы он позаимствовал у Ли, своего учителя цигун [«кунг-фу»], по-видимому модифицировав их на своё усмотрение и в соответствии со своим воображением). Эти женщины, по указанию Кастанеды, специально отбирали и «грумили» подходящих, уязвимых девушек среди участниц тренингов, которых затем знакомили с Кастанедой, чтобы тот давал им персональные «наставления» (то есть попросту сексуально использовал).
Мужчинам также доставалось в плане эмоциональных манипуляций, — к примеру, им, как и женщинам, говорилось, что они должны порвать со своими семьями и близкими, — но Кастанеда всё же был патологическим аддиктом-бабником, поэтому наибольшее количество разбитых сердец и судеб он оставил среди женского пола.
В течение нескольких дней после смерти Кастанеды четыре его ближайшие ученицы/любовницы/«ведьмы» реализовали план и, как считают Дженнингс и Уоллес, совершили коллективное самоубийство (труп одной из них, «Синего Скаута» — Патриши Партин, был обнаружен в начале 2000-х и впоследствии идентифицирован в результате ДНК-анализа). Трупы остальных до сих пор не нашли (равно как отсутствуют какие-либо связанные с ними финансовые транзакции и какие-либо документальные свидетельства), а организация Кастанеды по сию пору отказывается признать факт их суицида.
Косвенное частичное признание в факте смерти «ведьм» совершила одна из «чакмулок» — Наи Мурез, — которая проговорилась в одном из недавних подкастов с «Гуру Викингом», что может общаться в сновидениях с умершими. В качестве примера она привела (с формальной оговоркой) одну из «ведьм», которая является ей во сне (кстати говоря, Наи утверждает, что именно она записывала последние книги Кастанеды начиная с 1993 г. и была чуть ли не соавтором, — при этом степень авторства самого Кастанеды не вполне очевидна. Уоллес в книге описывает, что Кастанеда довольно плохо владел письменным английским, на котором писал свои произведения, и успеху его знаменитых первых работ, вероятно, в значительной степени помогли профессиональные литредакторы издательства «Саймон и Шустер»).
Есть свидетельства, что по мере приближения к концу жизни Кастанеда знал об апокалиптических настроениях среди своих учениц и учеников, знал он и о планировавшемся акте «магического суицида» (кстати говоря, согласно исследовавшему динамику психокультов Колину Уилсону, нарастающие апокалиптические и околосуицидальные настроения, а также всё большее отторжение конвенционального общества, не говоря уже о сексуальной эксплуатации, были заметными характеристиками целого ряда знаменитых деструктивных культов). Кастанеда ровным счётом ничего не сделал для изменения сценария и обеспечения благоприятного процесса перехода/горевания для участников основанной им общины, на своё горе вверившихся ему и его «сказкам о силе» (более того, Кастанеда даже давал некоторым женщинам из внутреннего круга рекомендации, которые можно рассматривать как призыв к подобному суицидальному «прыжку»).
Откуда такое безразличие и жестокость? Ему было всё равно, ведь это был, как предполагают и Ричард Дженнингс, и Эми Уоллес (надо сказать, искренне любившая Кастанеду и после его ухода), нарцисс-характеропат, который был зациклен только лишь на себе и своих фантазиях о собственной грандиозности («безупречности»). Также в конце жизни он страдал от диабета, который в итоге повлиял на его настроения. Умер он от рака, — хотя проповедовал, что такими заболеваниями болеют только «небезупречные» «неудачники» (сам он использовал более обидные слова, и, к слову, матерился он постоянно, часто осыпая проклятиями доверявших ему людей прямо в лицо и прилюдно). Перед кончиной Кастанеда, по всей видимости, впал в окончательное «старческое бесстыдство» (как выразился бы один из моих друзей), и судьба доверившихся ему людей была ему безразлична.
Сама кастанедовская система в свете всех этих данных о секс-психокульте и различных других — зачастую вполне сознательных — этических злоупотреблениях оказывается под вопросом. Очень подозрительно, что некоторые основные понятия кастанедовского учения, вошедшие в массовую культуру, можно воспринять как отражающие динамику нарциссического расстройства личности (НРЛ):
• массированные, оторванные от реальности фантазии;
• вера в грандиозный концепт «безупречности» (который, как становится ясно из описаний Уоллес, отражал, скорее, субъективную, весьма произвольную игру воображения самого Кастанеды и, как выразились бы психологи, его расщеплённых эго/объектных отношений);
• динамика «чувства собственной важности» (ЧСВ) и «жалости к себе» (ЖкС) в связи со «страхом смерти»;
• и т. д.
Описание динамики «чувства собственной важности» (аспект нарциссической грандиозности) и «жалости к себе» (аспект ничтожности, стыда по поводу своей дефицитарности, вызывающей ужас) соответствуют, вероятно, внутренним нарциссическим качелям самого Кастанеды, который на протяжении десятилетий проявлял себя в качестве вурдалака-казановы, высасывающего биоэнергию тех несчастных, кто попал в «биополе» его нарциссической орбиты. В любой удобный для своего эгоцентризма момент он без объяснения «стирал свою личную историю» (а-ля гостинг, ghosting), менял номер телефона, выдумывал факты о своей жизни, — дабы уйти от персональной ответственности и реального контакта.
Безжалостное, жестокосердное, обесценивающее отношение Кастанеды к своим самым близким людям, проведшим с ним не одно десятилетие и ухаживавшим за ним, когда тот мучался на смертном одре, отражает патологическую нарциссическую динамику — попытку изгнать из себя тщательно скрываемую (прежде всего от себя) внутреннюю ничтожность через проекцию в Другого. А далее — изгнать самого этого Другого, который неизменно «разочаровывал» Кастанеду, показывал свою «недостойность», «нечистоту», «небезупречность», «порочность».
Самому Кастанеде время от времени были присущи приступы чувства своей недостаточности, дефицитарности (он неоднократно жаловался, называл себя «коричневокожим коротышкой»), что также закономерно для нарцисса-характеропата с тяжёлым нарушением привязанности (отвергающего либо дезорганизованного типа).
Не описал ли Кастанеда в своих книгах под видом «учения мексиканских/толтекских магов» свой собственный патологический нарциссизм как бы изнутри?
Многие из нас были склонны идеализировать Кастанеду и его работы, потому что мы путали лирического героя / художественный вымысел с реальным человеком-автором. Открывшиеся сведения как о последнем десятилетии его жизни, так и о её более ранних этапах, ставят под сомнение безопасность идей, которые он описывал в своих художественных произведениях.
Литературная заслуга Кастанеды в том, что он под видом якобы реальных событий записывал свою фантазию, заигрывая с жанром «магического/психоделического реализма». Откровенно вымышленные описания он соединял с компиляцией из множества антропологических и философских работ, прочитанных им в библиотеке Калифорнийского университета и почерпнутых из иных источников.
В результате он создал правдоподобную, психоактивную сказку и открыл десяткам миллионов людей, излишне погружённых в грубые состояния сознания, существование альтернативных, необычных, изменённых состояний, осознанных сновидений (наполненных волшебными «неорганическими» существами) и неких оккультных, «магических» тайн.
Из-за «синдрома утёнка» и потребности в идеализируемых героях-авторитетах многие, прочитавшие Кастанеду в подростковом возрасте, так критически и не отрефлексировали наследие Кастанеды и не присмотрелись к тёмной, крайне жестокой и эгоцентрированной стороне его самого и его учения (которая была под��ёркнута некоторыми его критиками).
Откровенный плагиат, жестокость, издевательства, насилие, экстремальные антигуманные идеалы, болезненные фантазии о влиянии романтических партнёров и детей на энергетическое тело «безупречного воина», отречение от зрелой любви, путешествия в инфернальные миры — всё это россыпью встречается в кастанедовских текстах, не лишённых красоты и поэтики.
Кастанеда был не просто литератором, уединённым писателем-фантастом. Если бы этим всё ограничилось, то мы бы так и остались гадать, кем же он был или не был, грезили о некой мнимой тайне вокруг его личности. Нет, ему было скучно жить повседневностью (как и многим клиническим нарциссистам-вампирам), поэтому он искал приключений, славы, публичности и открыто претендовал на роль духовного авторитета («последнего нагваля»), имеющего право произвольно распоряжаться судьбами людей, собрав вокруг себя подпитывающую группу, занимавшуюся его развлечением и финансированием.
Он с удовольствием пользовался своим авторитетом для получения бесконтрольного самоудовлетворения через эксплуатацию доверившихся ему людей, с которыми он играл в бесконечные игры ума (mindgames) на самых разных уровнях. В своём тщательно срежиссированном «театре бесконечности» он играл судьбами людей, которых воспринимал в качестве своих нарциссических расширений; писал сценарии для их ролей, ломал и разбивал их, как ребёнок свои машинки.
(Что ему нужно было сделать вместо всех этих разрушительных психоментальных игрищ, — это записаться в длительную психотерапию к специалисту по клиническому нарциссизму для того, чтобы в результате напряжённой работы осуществить коррекцию своего нарциссического расстройства личности. Увы, чувство собственной грандиозности ему не позволяло признать самого факта наличия проблемы, не говоря уже о том, чтобы обратиться к Другому за помощью.
К тому времени уже были широко известны случаи деструктивных сект и культов типа Джонстауна, было написано много литературы на этот счёт, и Кастанеда, будучи начитанным человеком, не мог не знать о существовании феномена деструктивной динамики психокультов. В какой-то момент он даже раздумывал о том, чтобы зарегистрировать свою общину как религиозную, последовав примеру Л. Рон Хаббарда, но отказался от этой затеи. Это кое-что сообщает нам об общем настрое его мыслей и том, что он, возможно, осознавал себя манипулятором, утратившим моральные опоры и желающим питаться за счёт жизненной энергии других людей.)
Обложка англ. издания книги Эми Уоллес «Ученица колдуна: Моя жизнь с Карлосом Кастанедой»
«Казус Кастанеды» является прекрасной моделью классического психокульта (со своими особенностями), особенно полезной для изучения динамики деструктивных психокультов в новых духовно-религиозных движениях, что должно заинтересовать религиоведов, трансперсональных и клинических психологов.
Есть замечательный вебсайт Ричарда Дженнингса https://sustainedaction.org/, на котором можно найти тщательно составленные таймлайны и сведения о различных аспектах кастанедовской биографии и созданного им деструктивного психокульта.
В завершение приведу слова безвременно ушедшей Эми Уоллес:
«Никогда не отдавайте свою силу кому-то другому, кто утверждает, что обладает особыми знаниями. Это худшая ошибка, которую я когда-либо совершала. Это не значит, что в речах и книгах Карлоса нет мудрости, она действительно есть, но [психо]культы — это зло, и я была в [психо]культе. До сих пор страдаю от посттравматического стрессового расстройства, ночных кошмаров, мурашек по телу и т. д. То, что эта книга так помогла другим, значит больше, чем я могу выразить» (из интервью Эми Уоллес журналу «Examiner»).
Каждому человеку свойственны духовные искания. Внутреннее стремление к Духу — заповедная часть нашей души. Горе тем, кто безответственно злоупотребляет искренней потребностью людей в подлинном контакте с Высшей Реальностью.
August 12, 2023
Carlos Castenada: I was a freshman in college when "A Separate Reality" was published (Castaneda's second of 12 books). Of course I read it and then went on to the other early works. By the time I was in grad school I had moved on to other things and had stopped using psychedelics.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. I was having lunch with a friend and he referred to "The Petty Tyrants" which is a chapter from Castaneda's "The Fire Within". One thing led to another and my friend lent me the book and then also pulled off his shelf "Sorcerer's Apprentice"-- the subject of this review.
This book was written by a true insider during the last 10 years of Casteneda's life. Castaneda died of liver cancer in 1998 at age 73. Four of his acolytes, including "the three witches" then disappeared and are now presumed suicides (remains found much later near Death Valley). The author suffered PTSD and then wrote this account.
It's a harrowing tale. Castaneda clearly was an abusive cult leader and sexual predator in those later years.
If you now read his Wiki, most anthropologists opine that his books were fiction and that his teacher Don Juan was a made-up character. The books are still shelved in libraries a non-fiction however. Who knows?
My perspective has certainly changed from my years in college (1971-75) to today. Having said that I still think back positively on those first four books.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. I was having lunch with a friend and he referred to "The Petty Tyrants" which is a chapter from Castaneda's "The Fire Within". One thing led to another and my friend lent me the book and then also pulled off his shelf "Sorcerer's Apprentice"-- the subject of this review.
This book was written by a true insider during the last 10 years of Casteneda's life. Castaneda died of liver cancer in 1998 at age 73. Four of his acolytes, including "the three witches" then disappeared and are now presumed suicides (remains found much later near Death Valley). The author suffered PTSD and then wrote this account.
It's a harrowing tale. Castaneda clearly was an abusive cult leader and sexual predator in those later years.
If you now read his Wiki, most anthropologists opine that his books were fiction and that his teacher Don Juan was a made-up character. The books are still shelved in libraries a non-fiction however. Who knows?
My perspective has certainly changed from my years in college (1971-75) to today. Having said that I still think back positively on those first four books.
July 1, 2022
**Possible spoilers ahead...
"In my very early days, Muni had puzzled me by insisting that Carlos’ readers were far more fortunate than those who came close to him—at last I understood why." ~ Amy Wallace
Amy Wallace's nine years in the Castaneda cult is quite sobering. I have been of the mind for quite some time that Carlos' first book 'Journey to Ixtlan', of all of his books, possibly, was based on some real field work. I may even go so far as to say the first 3...this is even discussed in Amy Wallace's book.
I am about 75% sure that Carlos made the whole experience up, all 20 (sarcasm) books, after interviewing a possible 'Shaman' for his dissertation and diving into some esoteric and eastern religious texts in his free time. Of course 25 years ago when I first read his work I was blown away and accepted much of what was written - after all he earned a PhD from UCLA for 'Journey..', it had to be true.
Amy shows exactly what the Cult of Carlos became for the inner circle - followers dressed the same, had the same terminology, cut-off family and friends, were given new names, were told to destroy personal items that tied them to their past, Carlos berated and ridiculed members and blatantly formed a harem of women around him forcing them to "pimp" other women into the group. Members were constantly reminded to give up who they were, and past connections, and any preferences, habits, or hobbies - this being consistent with many of the practices found in Carlos' works that relate these things to being 'human'.
This was a hard book to get through, I was disturbed by what I read. Even at the end Amy admits to still thinking tenderly about her time with the Witches and Carlos...and attempts to override her own intelligence by trying to excuse his behavior and think positively about his teachings. It is not a book I will be able to read again.
"I took this as one of many signs that although Carlos had begun as a genuine seeker, a true philosopher, he had ended as a tyrant watching over a cult of terrified followers. Power had wielded its legendary seductions, illness had weakened him terribly." ~ Amy Wallace
"In my very early days, Muni had puzzled me by insisting that Carlos’ readers were far more fortunate than those who came close to him—at last I understood why." ~ Amy Wallace
Amy Wallace's nine years in the Castaneda cult is quite sobering. I have been of the mind for quite some time that Carlos' first book 'Journey to Ixtlan', of all of his books, possibly, was based on some real field work. I may even go so far as to say the first 3...this is even discussed in Amy Wallace's book.
I am about 75% sure that Carlos made the whole experience up, all 20 (sarcasm) books, after interviewing a possible 'Shaman' for his dissertation and diving into some esoteric and eastern religious texts in his free time. Of course 25 years ago when I first read his work I was blown away and accepted much of what was written - after all he earned a PhD from UCLA for 'Journey..', it had to be true.
Amy shows exactly what the Cult of Carlos became for the inner circle - followers dressed the same, had the same terminology, cut-off family and friends, were given new names, were told to destroy personal items that tied them to their past, Carlos berated and ridiculed members and blatantly formed a harem of women around him forcing them to "pimp" other women into the group. Members were constantly reminded to give up who they were, and past connections, and any preferences, habits, or hobbies - this being consistent with many of the practices found in Carlos' works that relate these things to being 'human'.
This was a hard book to get through, I was disturbed by what I read. Even at the end Amy admits to still thinking tenderly about her time with the Witches and Carlos...and attempts to override her own intelligence by trying to excuse his behavior and think positively about his teachings. It is not a book I will be able to read again.
"I took this as one of many signs that although Carlos had begun as a genuine seeker, a true philosopher, he had ended as a tyrant watching over a cult of terrified followers. Power had wielded its legendary seductions, illness had weakened him terribly." ~ Amy Wallace
May 12, 2019
I wrote and published The Sleeping Serpent – A woman's struggle to break an obsessive bond with her yoga master. I’d never read Castaneda’s famous works, nor read Amy Wallace’s 2003 memoir of her seduction by Carlos Castaneda and membership in his cult. Wallace, who passed away in 2013, met Castaneda, thirty years her senior, when she was sixteen through her famous father, the author Irving Wallace (they shared a publisher). A slow inveiglement consummated when her father died, and she became entangled in his harem of followers. Reading her memoir brought back to mind the manipulations, coercion, and even phrases and tactics used by a master manipulator; a guru.
The best way for me to review this compelling memoir is by quoting Amy Wallace’s words. My book The Sleeping Serpent is fiction, but it relays the same experience of compulsion by a guru and the healing power of writing.
“In the midst of despair came a gift, the brass ring I grabbed, the chance to write this book, and it has become my reason for living… it released the pent-up feelings of years, adding to the immensity of the final losses… Because if some reader, somewhere, takes a moment’s pause and halts before handing over his or her free will to another, it will all have counted for something.”
“Carlos’s method was supposed to lead to freedom—but once the power resides in the approval of hierarchy, the result is not freedom but the creation of automatons afraid of being kicked out… The ego is battered with even more force, and the result is even more fear.”
“This was no black and white tale, for Carlos was not a shifty huckster but a misguided philosopher whose experience of power was corrupting. Thus, he damaged many lives, at the same time exalting many others. Now I believe there is no nagual (sorcerer) outside of the one inside me, and I prefer to forge my own path rather than seek a replacement father; to live a life without sacrificing my power for crumbs of intimacy within a harem. Carlos, by wish or accident, did guide me, in the end, to the awareness that I hold all my own answers.”
The best way for me to review this compelling memoir is by quoting Amy Wallace’s words. My book The Sleeping Serpent is fiction, but it relays the same experience of compulsion by a guru and the healing power of writing.
“In the midst of despair came a gift, the brass ring I grabbed, the chance to write this book, and it has become my reason for living… it released the pent-up feelings of years, adding to the immensity of the final losses… Because if some reader, somewhere, takes a moment’s pause and halts before handing over his or her free will to another, it will all have counted for something.”
“Carlos’s method was supposed to lead to freedom—but once the power resides in the approval of hierarchy, the result is not freedom but the creation of automatons afraid of being kicked out… The ego is battered with even more force, and the result is even more fear.”
“This was no black and white tale, for Carlos was not a shifty huckster but a misguided philosopher whose experience of power was corrupting. Thus, he damaged many lives, at the same time exalting many others. Now I believe there is no nagual (sorcerer) outside of the one inside me, and I prefer to forge my own path rather than seek a replacement father; to live a life without sacrificing my power for crumbs of intimacy within a harem. Carlos, by wish or accident, did guide me, in the end, to the awareness that I hold all my own answers.”
October 26, 2025
For all the cruelty and insanity this is still a funny book, and by "funny" I mean of the "did I actually just read that?" kind.
What a bunch of assholes nearly every one of these people were. I have a perverse admiration for Castaneda. I admire his audacity, even though his ambitions cost a lot of heartache, and not even for his followers but also to the Yaqui and indigenous people in general. But here is a guy who had an argumentative reunion with his ex-wife (not in this book) Margaret Runyan years after their divorce, and, when the visit turned into an argument, he afterwards told her over the phone that [italics] it wasn't him, he was never there . . . [all caps, bold] it was his double! Apparently he expected her to believe him.
I was unaware of Castaneda's claims to have served as an assassin. Apparently pre-Don Juan he claimed to have been in the military, and then like every liar he claimed to have been involved in "black ops"-type work.
And then late in life he pivoted from the pure (and quite beautiful) storytelling of The Power of Silence to positioning himself as a philosopher, hence the ceaseless and very irritating italicizing of his sorceric verbiage. Edmund Husserl . . . Hegel . . . Deleuze . . . Castaneda.
I'm surprised that there haven't been more books like this from members of his circle. Highly recommend checking out the Sustained Action site for the notes on his Sunday meetings. But then I don't think many of them have recovered from their time spent in the presence of this man and his relatively small circle of gossiping lunatics. Check out r/castaneda on Reddit, which is ruled over by Dan, member of the Sunday circle, for example.
CC was a compulsive storyteller. He simply could not stop himself. Often his stories were ludicrous, elsewhere blatant plagiarisms, but often lovely and powerful. In Amy Wallace's book he is presented mostly at his worst, or at least not at his best, but some of his magnetism comes through all the hysterics.
What a bunch of assholes nearly every one of these people were. I have a perverse admiration for Castaneda. I admire his audacity, even though his ambitions cost a lot of heartache, and not even for his followers but also to the Yaqui and indigenous people in general. But here is a guy who had an argumentative reunion with his ex-wife (not in this book) Margaret Runyan years after their divorce, and, when the visit turned into an argument, he afterwards told her over the phone that [italics] it wasn't him, he was never there . . . [all caps, bold] it was his double! Apparently he expected her to believe him.
I was unaware of Castaneda's claims to have served as an assassin. Apparently pre-Don Juan he claimed to have been in the military, and then like every liar he claimed to have been involved in "black ops"-type work.
And then late in life he pivoted from the pure (and quite beautiful) storytelling of The Power of Silence to positioning himself as a philosopher, hence the ceaseless and very irritating italicizing of his sorceric verbiage. Edmund Husserl . . . Hegel . . . Deleuze . . . Castaneda.
I'm surprised that there haven't been more books like this from members of his circle. Highly recommend checking out the Sustained Action site for the notes on his Sunday meetings. But then I don't think many of them have recovered from their time spent in the presence of this man and his relatively small circle of gossiping lunatics. Check out r/castaneda on Reddit, which is ruled over by Dan, member of the Sunday circle, for example.
CC was a compulsive storyteller. He simply could not stop himself. Often his stories were ludicrous, elsewhere blatant plagiarisms, but often lovely and powerful. In Amy Wallace's book he is presented mostly at his worst, or at least not at his best, but some of his magnetism comes through all the hysterics.
May 6, 2015
Here’s one of the weirdest books you’ll ever read, a recounting of what it was like to be in the cult, and the lover of Carlos Castaneda, author of the wildly popular 1970s Don Juan books. After the books became bestsellers, Castaneda was exposed as a fraud using phony research and sources. He was also a charismatic cult leader, gathering mostly female followers around him, urging them to cut off ties with family and friends, and do all sorts of other wacky stuff, including having sex with him. Wallace, the daughter of novelist Irving Wallace, had known Castaneda for quite some time before being inducted into the coven he’d established, and becoming his lover. This is a creepy book! When Castaneda died, several of these women simply disappeared, and it’s believed they committed suicide. Wallace’s first hand retelling is at turns endearing and maddening, she’s whiny,over-psychoanalyzed, and embodies nearly every California New Age cliché. She is also obviously intelligent, and you keep wondering why she falls for Castaneda’s line, though nearly everyone who met him describes him as hypnotically compelling.
October 18, 2015
Translated it in Bulgarian.
For the most part I found it a bit whiny, repetitive and definitely disjointed. Most of the conclusions I suspect we should regard as "implied" were basically spelled out. However, it's easy to read, and the author certainly can write.
REREAD UPDATE: Worse on reread. The author seems insecure, babbling, alternately boasting and whining; the writing is scattered and disengaging.
For the most part I found it a bit whiny, repetitive and definitely disjointed. Most of the conclusions I suspect we should regard as "implied" were basically spelled out. However, it's easy to read, and the author certainly can write.
REREAD UPDATE: Worse on reread. The author seems insecure, babbling, alternately boasting and whining; the writing is scattered and disengaging.
June 17, 2015
The path with heart, Carlos Castaneda describes in his books, is a way of getting rid of one's Ego. Or at least, to take one's Ego and put it in a golden jail like a little bird. There it can make its chilp-chilp, while the warrior explores the depths of reality. The way putting away the Ego is quite hard. So, thanks a lot to Amy Wallace for telling us her way! My rating: +++++
November 18, 2008
A troubling personal account of the last year's of Casteneda's life written by a well-respected author who was also his lover. Casteneda fans will hate this book and her conclusions about his sanity, methods and the truthfulness of his work.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 10, 2018
A painful read, but well worth it due to the insights and uncovering of the infamous shaman's real life. Power corrupts and leaves nothing but devastation in its wake. This is another such case of abuse caused by the male ego unlimited.
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October 12, 2012quite a different perspective on Carlos Castaneda!
September 16, 2008
because I was so intrigued by carlos castaneda, i read this book, it was a nice one
October 26, 2025
Sorcerer’s Apprentice: My Life With Carlos Castaneda by Amy Wallace (Frog Ltd. 2003) (306.092) (4096).
This was written by Amy Wallace, who this reader knows from her co-authorship with her parents and her brother of the wildly popular “Book of Lists” titles in the late 1970s and early 1980s which included The People’s Almanac (1975).
Another 1960s and 1970s icon was the esoteric anthropologist-author-shaman Carlos Castaneda. Castaneda’s PhD thesis from UCLA was published as the blockbuster best-seller The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge (1968) which purported to be a nonfictional account of Castaneda’s apprenticeship with the indigenous (Yaqui) sorcerer shaman who Castaneda referred to as Don Juan Mateus. Don Juan’s lessons to Castaneda centered in large part on teaching Castaneda to discern the shamanistic lessons offered by “teaching plants” or “power plants” which were native psychoactive plants and hallucinogenic fungi.
Castaneda rode the book’s fame to legendary status as hippies, psychonauts, and other seekers parsed the tales in minute detail. Was this book for real? Was Don Juan a real person? Fictional person of not, inquiring minds wanted to learn what Don Juan knew, and they eagerly sought out the “plant teachers” that Don Juan introduced to Castaneda: cannabis (marijuana), datura (Jimson weed), peyote (a desert cactus containing mescaline), and fungi (mushrooms containing psilocybin) among others.
Author Amy Wallace was known as one of Castaneda’s disciples, groupies, lovers, and acolytes. She was one of Castaneda’s true inner circle; she was known as one of Castaneda’s “trio of witches.”
The book Sorcerer’s Apprentice: My Life With Carlos Castaneda is Amy Wallace’s account of her spiritual journey of exploration with Don Juan’s own disciple.
I discovered Carlos Castaneda in 1980 and promptly devoured his first three books about Don Juan. Reading those was a mindblowing experience. I was fascinated by the descriptions of Castaneda’s drug exploration as guided by Don Juan. I understood from personal experimentation that a substantial portion of his description of the psychedelic experiences was accurate and on the level, but the question remained: Was Don Juan a real person?
Could the answer lie in Amy Wallace’s (Castaneda’s witch’s) book Sorcerer’s Apprentice? Hmmmm….
Here’s what I found: To make any sense of Amy Wallace’s book and Carlos Castaneda’s books, the reader is required to consciously undergo a willing suspension of disbelief. Suspending disbelief is the only way to absorb Wallace’s and Castaneda’s written narratives. In effect, the only way to engage with Amy Wallace’s (or Castaneda’s) account is to be willing to open one’s mind to accept that there might be some truth and validity to the author’s (choose one: tale, story, fantasy, fairy tale, or hallucination).
To Western sensibilities, much of Wallace’s book is simply esoteric mumbo-jumbo. Many readers will be tempted to disregard this tale as exactly that: esoteric mumbo-jumbo.
But the absolute truth of Don Juan’s instructions about the “teaching plants” is that his teachings are both scientifically factual and eerily accurate on an experiential level. When viewed through the lens of Amy Wallace’s book or Carlos Castaneda’s books, aficionados of hallucinogenic experiences may find much truth herein.
I purchased a used HB copy in like-new condition from Amazon on 2/26/25 for $8.95.
My rating: 7/10, finished 10/26/25 (4096).
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
May 19, 2021
I wrote a new Carlos Castaneda review with the name "The Science of Seers". It has a different perspective comparing Modern Science and the wisdom of the Shamans of Ancient Mexico and also the religion while touching all the main existential questions of human beings. And for me, it puts the writings of Castaneda to the right place as it has never done before. If you could take a look and read it I will be appreciated.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5...
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5...
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March 16, 2018Нытливая и не слишком вовлекающая книга, но при этом отлично иллюстрирующая то, что происходило в женской секте Кастанеды. То, что начинается как "путь воина" в реальности превращается в сказки о волшебной сперме "нагваля", подмывание розмарином и коллективное самоуничижение. Классика!
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August 14, 2019All the defenders still wanna believe like Mulder. So sad. The women too! It's shocking to hear women defend a serial offender like this Cretan. Just shows you, once they stopped believing in God they'll believe anything.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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