Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate

by Roger Fisher, Daniel Shapiro

- Winner of the Outstanding Book Award for Excellence in Conflict Resolution from the International Institute for Conflict Prevention and Resolution -

In Getting to Yes, renowned educator and negotiator Roger Fisher presented a universally applicable method for effectively negotiating personal and professional disputes. Building on his work as director of the Harvard Negotiation Project, Fisher now teams with Harvard psychologist Daniel Shapiro, an expert on the emotional dimension of negotiation and author of Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally Charged Conflicts. In Beyond Reason, Fisher and Shapiro show readers how to use emotions to turn a disagreement-big or small, professional or personal-into an opportunity for mutual gain.

Genres: Business, Nonfiction, Psychology, Communication, Leadership, Self Help, Personal Development

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

About the author

Roger D. Fisher was Samuel Williston Professor of Law at Harvard Law School and director of the Harvard Negotiation Project.

Reviews

[Charles · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not bad, just didn't think that it contained much different information compared to other negotiation books. I don't see how a this book focuses any more on emotions than other books on negotiating. So far, most of the negotiation books I've read give about the same level of attention to emotions.

Probably the most useful component is how Fisher and Shapiro talk about managing your own emotions. My big takeaway is the Thomas Jefferson quote "When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred." Good advice to avoid making a rash decision.

[Alice · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredibly practical and understandable framework for building agreement across all arenas, including high stakes negotiations. I really enjoyed this book, it was highly readable, and is just as valuable for navigating the every day as it is for brokering peace deals (the description of how this approach changed the course of Ecuador and Peru’s relationship was wonderful).

[Alex Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book presents an interesting outlook. In negotiation, one must attempt to find the totality of who the other side is in a negotiation in order to be able to come to a true agreement. When we are able to acknowledge the other person's reality and find a way to meet their needs, and we are able to find a way to do the same with ourselves, can we find a way to make the deal work.

The main problem as this book addresses is that we often think negotiation and business as being rational people, and thus ignore the fact that emotions play a deeper role in how we assess and deal with people. Emotions tell us how we ought to behave to one another, explaining who we are and who others are for us.

This is very different from the strong man adversarial approach that was often taken in business and social relationships in the past in which parties were unable and unwilling to be honest and thus, vulnerable. In part, this is because being honest with others means being honest with one's self. While the book is correct in this regard, it also does not dive deeply into self-examination. This is perhaps a good thing, but it carefully limits the context of what it explains in order to limit the discussion practical business matters. It assumes that we know what we want out of life and that we are capable of knowing what we want (what our roles and needs are) within the context of business and that we are able to communicate this openly to those we are attempting to form agreements/relationships with.

All in all, this is a good book, well written and logically laid out. It gives plenty of examples of good and bad negotiations while highlighting what people did right and what they did wrong. While much of this book deals with politics and business as the frame for negotiation, much of the advice given can be extended far into personal relationships.

[Amal Al Bastaki · Rating 1 out of 5]

قرأت هذا الكتاب مترجماً إلى اللغة العربية ، معنوناً بـ: احصل على ما تريد، حسن علاقاتك؛ بعيداً عن العقل- استخدام الانفعالات أثناء التفاوض. ترجمة ونشر مؤسسة محمد بن راشد آل مكتوم. حصلت عليه خلال معرض أقامته المؤسسة في جامعة زايد بـ دبي.
لفت العنوان انتباهي، فاقتنيت الكتاب رغبة في التنمية الذاتية. ما أعجبتني الترجمة الحرفية كثيراً أم أنه النص الأصلي من الكاتب الذي ما جعلني استمتع بالكتاب 100% فما قرأت كل ما ورد فيه، بل تصفحته محاولة الاستمتاع بما يرد فيه عن حكايات تعرض قصص واقعية عن نجاحات وأخطاء لشخصيات يفترض بها أن تكون معروفة في المجتمع الغربي.
سعدت بإنهائي للكتاب راجية الاستفادة عما يكون قد ترسب إرادياً أو لا إرادياً في عقلي الباطن؛ فأبدع بإذن الله في التفاوض.

[Chaitali Narla · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good companion to Getting More

This is a great companion book to Stuart Diamond's Getting More. I was able to apply the framework presented in this book in the context of Getting More but I highly recommend reading both books to build your full toolkit for negotiations.

[Roberto Celada · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book! Anyone who wants to improve any type of relationship in their life (work, family, strangers, etc) should read it. Personally I felt greatly identified with some behaviors this book mentions about people who are not good managing emotions. I’ll surely keep on working on my emotion control while expressing myself with others, this book will serve as a perfect guide. After all, emotions are the engine of our every action.

[Felipe Orrego · Rating 3 out of 5]

Contiene contenido valioso. Muy interesante el caso real del final, relacionado a la negociación de paz Ecuador-Perú.

[Kiersten · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was one was recommended to me

[Paul Sidwell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good business strategy resource.

[Stephen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fisher and Shapiro make the point that emotions exist and have an impact on our actions and decisions, and we ignore emotions at our peril. By understanding other’s emotions and being aware of what we’re feeling, we can have better results in our interactions. The author emphasize that this book is about being authentic when you share and understand emotions, not manipulative. The authors provide a framework for understating emotions in terms of a set of “core concerns:” appreciation, autonomy, affiliation, status, and role. The first chapter explaining the concerns is useful all by itself, and the latter chapters explain how to consider them.

Even though “Negotiation" is in the title but the lessons in the book are applicable far beyond the scope of business negotiations for two reasons. First, there are many aspects of life that involve "negotiation" at some level. There are quite a few anecdotes in the book for example about seemingly minor interactions between family members, for example. Many day to day interactions, form deciding where to have lunch, to picking a color to paint the house, all have aspects of negotiation. And

Second, the core concerns that are the anchor of the books lessons apply to anyone you may interact with, in any way, and being mindful of people’s need for the concerns.

Part of me wishes that I’d read this book years ago (it had been on my shelf). But having read it after having had more experiences, I’m finding it even more useful and relevant in my many roles including manager, teammate, parent and spouse.

[Alyssa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am currently taking Dan Shapiro's class at Harvard, "Conflict Resolution in a Divided World," and am thoroughly enjoying it. Dan worked with Roger Fisher to develop this book and regularly shares stories or photos of himself with Roger during class. I am so sad that he passed away just under ten years ago; it would have been amazing to be able to pick his mind, in person, about these things. I truly appreciate Roger's clear writing, amusing anecdotes, and creative ideas. Many of his points resonate with me and I feel he has a very special way of understanding others and encouraging a better understanding of ourselves. Of all things he advocates throughout the book, I especially noticed his emphasis on sincerity and honesty in our interactions with others. In this way I feel that Roger cares not about teaching us how to get "what we [think we] want," but how to arrive upon creative solutions that maximize value and respect the interests of all involved.

[Lolo · Rating 3 out of 5]

A well written book about managing emotions in negotiations. I liked a lot the examples and stories. It's practical and presents useful tools to the reader in various everyday situations. The examples range from work, personal life, political to economic negotiations.

This is also a very good book for people that are not in touch with their emotions. People that are used to "rational thinking" while neglecting their emotions. In that case their emotions run unchecked and they lose important (and therefore emotional) negotiations.

I would suggest this book to anyone that wants to improve negotiation skills and/or wants to improve managing emotions.

[Ariel Chu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very practical and helpful book in terms of dealing with emotions in negotiation.

Key personal take away will be:
- Always discuss before decide
- Treat the person you are negotiating as a cooperative partner
- Five core concerns (appreciation, affiliation, autonomy, status, and role)
- Status: ask the person’s advice and at the same time express your own advantage
- To prevent over taken status: explore other options, seek second and third opinion, to understand your own value and need.
- Be aware of your emotions (from bio perspective) and pause time when you notice it’s going out of control

[Brian Olinger · Rating 4 out of 5]

For my sake, don’t read this book!

Another fantastic book from Roger Fisher that provides clear, practical and powerful advice for negotiations of all magnitudes, whether personal or professional. This book is a great complement to his other works. The book is an easy read and uses real life examples to follow an effective framework for understanding, acknowledging, and harnessing emotions to successfully negotiate.

I highly recommend this book and his other works to anyone short of an absolute dictator.

[Terence · Rating 2 out of 5]

My rating is not meant to articulate that there isn't value in things expressed but that they aren't enough to hold up the book. So common sense fills the pages diluting the main points and diminishing the value of the book.

I enjoyed the negotiation story near the end related to Ecuador and Peru, and I see value in the seven and five points expressed.

Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss is a vastly superior book.

[Qui2 · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book wasn’t bad, although somewhat basic. I listened to it as an audiobook, and the one really annoying thing is that the one narrator kept saying appreciation like “apprish-eation” instead of “appreee-ciation.” In the grand scheme of things, that’s not terrible, but it did get annoying after a while. This will be a book that I recommended to couples.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Perhaps overly distilled but useful in a business sense. Gives dimension to otherwise over-complicating emotion or trying to ignore it completely in favor of the fallacy that we behave as rationally as Pareto optimal curves. You could press the 5 core needs in favor of others but they hold up pretty well for my purpose.

[Dheeraj Rekula · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommended for individuals at all career levels. Detailed breakdown of the emotions that influence how we perceive what others say and our responses to them. I followed this book to study advanced negotiations at Stern School of Business

[Kim Dowdell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was required for a class I am taking.
I really enjoyed the 5 core concerns and how they interplay with each other. If you struggle with emotions and understanding emotions in negotiations or just in general human interactions, this book is excellent

[Leah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this was an excellent follow up to Getting to Yes. I appreciate the teaching on emotions--how to use emotions as information, to expect emotions to occur, and how to emotionally regulate for better outcomes.

[Marissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book not only helped in my professional life but it also positively affected the way I handle my personal relationships. I highly recommend this book if you want to learn to better understand people.

[Anthony · Rating 2 out of 5]

While a capable book, it is not as good as some of the earlier texts in this series on negotiation. Useful as the advice is, it felt a bit too much like a good academic article of about 30 pages that got recycled into a book.

[Leonke · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting read on the harvard negotiation project and the five core concerns that we have when negotiating. I definitely will try to keep this in mind when mediating. The book felt more dry and superficial than the non violent communication book though.

[Ftoomii · Rating 1 out of 5]

"لكبح الانفعالات ثمن"

"الانفعالات معديه في العاده فحتى لو تغيرت انفعالاتك من الاحباط الى الاثاره فمن المحتمل ان يطل الشخص الاخر متفاعلا من مع سلوك الاحباط الذي كان مسيطرًا عليك منذ دقائق قليله ماضيه"

"في معظم الحالات لايحدد المولد مكانة الشخص فالسمعه او الشهره تصنع ولا تولد"

[Ellen O'brien · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book fantastically walks the reader through how to negotiate even in an emotionally intense environment. Clear, practical, applicable

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was very insightful. I learned a few things on conflict resolution that I can apply to both my personal and professional life.

[Rachael Mackie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay as far as self help books go. I liked that it was short, easy to read and provided relevant examples.

[Alex Aranda · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great insight into the negotiation process. While reading you realize a lot about what you do during any kind of negotiation. Great read!

[Mohamed Yehia · Rating 3 out of 5]

نصائح مفيدة للتفاوض ,يعيبها بعض التكرار والاطالة

[Margo Lombardi · Rating 3 out of 5]

MBA Required Reading - Strategic Negotiation in a Legal Setting.