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104 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1776
For all men being originally equals, no one by birth could have a right to set up his own family in perpetual preference to all others for ever, and though himself might deserve some decent degree of honors of his contemporaries, yet his descendants might be far too unworthy to inherit them... Because such an unwise, unjust, unnatural compact might (perhaps) in the next succession put them under the government of a rogue or a fool.
"a corset maker by trade, a journalist by profession, and a propagandist by inclination!"
"Puh-lease guys. have you even read the British Constitution? You're smoked. And Monarchy's what's burning. *cue spin burn session* Only reason I can be 'concise' is because it's COMMON SENSE *wink wink* and when government ain't doing its job, it's time for us to start a war."-- quotes Thomas Paine would aggressively disown, pt. 1
"Yes fine I'll continue to be serious. THE BIBLE SAYS SO. There. Satisfied now, pacifists? No? Well, we must work on this. *prepares lengthy thesis on the true anti-monarchial substance of the Old Testament* *sweetly honeys it down your throat* like it? Ehem? Ah, yes, it has a... wait for it... BUUUUURRRRRNNN!!!!!!!!"-- quotes Thomas Paine would aggressively disown, pt. 2
"In England, a king hath little more to do than to make war and give away places; which in plain terms, is to impoverish the nation and set it together by the ears. A pretty business indeed for a man to be allowed eight hundred thousand sterling a year for, and worshipped into the bargain! Of more worth is one honest man to society and in the sight of God, than all the crowned ruffians that ever lived."-- real quotes by Thomas Paine, only used 'cause this one happened to show up under his name. Your loyal biographer aka myself is not going to waste time looking up what I actually read when I could be grossly misrepresenting an important historical figure.
A section on why hereditary succession makes no sense, with the aforementioned Old Testament thesis, along with the refutation of "it prevents civil wars," by, of course, harping incredulously on the Wars of the Roses and the other 832 civil wars England's been through.
"SERIOUSLY, Y'ALL! HAVE YOU LOOKED AT THE FACT THAT WE'RE ALREADY FIGHTING THE BRITISH??? What's the point to shed blood over one tax law when we could just get our independence while we're at it? It'll be a quick and painless transition and your grandchildren will thank you. Or curse you, if you don't stop and LISTEN TO ME!!! Also, I have some great ideas for the American government and constitution."-- quotes Thomas Paine would aggressively disown, pt. 3
*muffled thanks from great-great-great-something-grandchildren*
Yes, there was no better time to separate from Britain. It was an inevitable break, as Paine mentions in pt. II, and at a later date it could have only been messier- and leaving us with a worse government.
yes, it's possible.
"WOULD YA STOP TALKING ABOUT THE NAVY???? Thanks. Guess who built Britain's navy? Yes, us. There's about enough forest left over there for two ships. It's a big reason they colonized here in the first place, nincompoops. We are currently exporting sailcloth and timber and we have the largest ship factories in the world! STAHP GIVING THE BRITISH OUR NAVY AND LET US USE IT!!! But seriously, remind me why we even need a big navy anyway? Aren't the British kinda at war with thirty other countries right now? They CAN'T send their whole navy at us."-- quotes Thomas Paine would aggressively disown, pt. 4
Basically, we are, in fact, able to fight- as evidenced by the fact that we are already fighting- so let's actually fight for a reason? Peoples? Come on.
"No other writer of the eighteenth century, with the exception of Jefferson, parallels more closely the temper or gist of Lincoln's later thought. In style, Paine above all others affords the variety of eloquence which, chastened and adapted to Lincoln's own mood, is revealed in Lincoln's formal writings."