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Dear Father, Dear Son: Two Lives... Eight Hours
"Stunning ... a wonderful read ... a page-turner ... a handbook for life." Those words of advance praise from another celebrated author scarcely convey just how powerfully mesmerizing is the latest book by New York Times best-selling author and nationally syndicated radio talk show host Larry Elder.
Dear Father, Dear Son is a personal memoir of Elder's troubled ― one might even say tortured ― relationship with his father, and the astonishing outcome that develops when Elder, at long last, confronts him.
Says "A man's relationship with his father ― every boy, every man lucky enough to have a father in his life has to figure that out. My own father? I thought I knew him ― even though he seldom talked about himself. And what I knew I hated ― really, really hated. Cold, ill-tempered, thin-skinned, my father always seemed on the brink of erupting. Scared to death of him, I kept telling myself to find the courage to 'stand up to him.' When I was fifteen, I did." After that, said Elder, "We did not speak to each other for ten years."
"And then we did ― for eight hours." The result can't be described. It has to be experienced.
As reflected in the book's subtitle ― "Two Lives ... Eight Hours" ― one extraordinary, all- day conversation between Elder and his long- estranged father utterly transformed their relationship. It is no exaggeration to say the book will likewise transform readers. Indeed, calling it "stunning," Burt Boyar, co-author of the bestselling autobiography on Sammy Davis, Jr., says of Dear Father, Dear Son : "Above all it is a wonderful read. I am tempted to call it a page-turner but in my case I hated to turn every page because that meant I was getting closer to the end and I did not want it to end. ... The book is filled with emotion. It is, of course, a handbook for life. I guess it is that above all things. Any kid who reads it and follows the advice of how to live his life just has to come out well."
Dear Father, Dear Son is the story of one man discovering a son he never really knew. And of the son finding a man, a friend, a father who had really been there all along.
Dear Father, Dear Son is a personal memoir of Elder's troubled ― one might even say tortured ― relationship with his father, and the astonishing outcome that develops when Elder, at long last, confronts him.
Says "A man's relationship with his father ― every boy, every man lucky enough to have a father in his life has to figure that out. My own father? I thought I knew him ― even though he seldom talked about himself. And what I knew I hated ― really, really hated. Cold, ill-tempered, thin-skinned, my father always seemed on the brink of erupting. Scared to death of him, I kept telling myself to find the courage to 'stand up to him.' When I was fifteen, I did." After that, said Elder, "We did not speak to each other for ten years."
"And then we did ― for eight hours." The result can't be described. It has to be experienced.
As reflected in the book's subtitle ― "Two Lives ... Eight Hours" ― one extraordinary, all- day conversation between Elder and his long- estranged father utterly transformed their relationship. It is no exaggeration to say the book will likewise transform readers. Indeed, calling it "stunning," Burt Boyar, co-author of the bestselling autobiography on Sammy Davis, Jr., says of Dear Father, Dear Son : "Above all it is a wonderful read. I am tempted to call it a page-turner but in my case I hated to turn every page because that meant I was getting closer to the end and I did not want it to end. ... The book is filled with emotion. It is, of course, a handbook for life. I guess it is that above all things. Any kid who reads it and follows the advice of how to live his life just has to come out well."
Dear Father, Dear Son is the story of one man discovering a son he never really knew. And of the son finding a man, a friend, a father who had really been there all along.
247 pages, Hardcover
First published November 13, 2012
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908 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 63 reviews
May 3, 2013
This is a memorable book. In a few words, mostly reconstructed family dialogue, Larry Elder imparts a vivid impression of his immediate family (mom, dad and brothers Kirk and Dennis), his extended family and the family's cultural roots. Larry follows the life of his father, Randolph, from an impoverished childhood in the Jim Crow South through the Marine Corps in World War II to his work-driven years in Los Angeles--"hard memories" of a work-driven man who terrified his sons. Larry broke off relations with his father and moved across the country for many years. One day, responding to an inner prod, Larry bought a plane ticket back to Los Angeles and appeared unannounced to confront his father about his lifetime of abuse. Expecting a brief and fiery confrontation, Larry was amazed to find himself engaged in a marathon discussion lasting many hours. From this discussion emerged an entirely new relationship with his father; and from that came healing to other relationships in the family as well. The transformation is wonderful to read, and shines hope on toxic family relationships that are familiar to most of us. I hope the book is released in paperback. I spotted at least three errors missed by the editors, such as duplicate words. But what I really wish the publishers would add is some pictures. The only image, and it's a good one, is the cover photo of Randolph Elder's snack bar at 12th Place and Valencia Street. Larry mentions some family photographs in his narrative, and I think it would add to the book to include some of these in the next edition.
December 10, 2012
Great book, I thought of the trials with my own father and some of the conversations that we have had, and are still having, yes my father did come from the same era as Larry's dad, went through some of the same things, utilized the military as a stepping stone, raised many boys. Many of us would find some similarities in our life spaces with this book, I thought it a was a welcome read during this holiday season, and it made me appreciate my own father even more.
It shows that there are blind spots in family relationships, because the children and sometimes the spouse do not really understand where the other has been, yes this can and will happen and still does, it does show that there is more often than not, if I had known, maybe I could have handled this or that differently. In fact the conversation in the book helped Larry's own parents find some appreciation for each other, it demonstrates the frailty of life and in my case, I really appreciate my parents and the relationships that I have with each of them.
It shows that there are blind spots in family relationships, because the children and sometimes the spouse do not really understand where the other has been, yes this can and will happen and still does, it does show that there is more often than not, if I had known, maybe I could have handled this or that differently. In fact the conversation in the book helped Larry's own parents find some appreciation for each other, it demonstrates the frailty of life and in my case, I really appreciate my parents and the relationships that I have with each of them.
January 27, 2015
This book is excellent - there is some swearing so be warned; but it is a wonderful autobiography and tribute from a son to his father. Larry Elder is a (conservative) black talk show host who attended Brown University and Michigan for law school. I read this book in about 24 hours. Compelling story.
February 24, 2013
Larry Elder's memoir emphasizes the importance of a two parent family. It also relates the different perception a child may have of his father as a child and then as an adult. Elder's book reminds us that sometimes relationships are not as they seem.
December 14, 2018
First a disclaimer. I've never listened to Larry Elder on the radio and knew absolutely nothing about him. And took this book straight on without context, bias or any introductory knowledge to its nature at all. I just saw the title in a goodreads friend's lists and added it.
The entire first 3 or 4 chapters were not fun to read, I would categorize them in my "wire coat hanger" category. And the author was too flip in telling about it within such accusatory detail of ridicule too. But the fear and tension factors came across in a very real sense of actuality. That's how it is. This I do know. And have also seen.
The rest of the book was tremendous and inspirational. It clearly charted the slow process of getting "the talk" possible and actual. I just loved it. That history, that starkly worded life quips and action opinions of his Mother-those especially. All 5 stars. And his Dad's complete background, various paths to find his diner- all of the "possibles" that lived in his head. Pure 5 star outstanding. That's how it's done. Determination, work, work, work. Repeat. And it OFTEN starts with a loose young person cannon being "taken in" where you "don't belong" as/ within a peon job "help" in some regard. No fanfare, no "awareness" campaign or $$$ to advertise or "reeducate" an attitude. Also mostly without a minimum wage level in sight or much of anything but a learning curve straight up. On how the world actually works. Larry's Dad was an expert, for sure.
As bad as the treatment to his children and sad inability to counter that anger (unnamed by him too but certainly felt)- was! Still the entire book is really a love letter to these parents in surmounting it. Splendidly too. And in continuation of passing on those skills of owning yourself and not pity partying as a mind habit, as well. Inspirational to me. Aspirations exploding and expanding and realized. Cored on a strong self-identity. Be it flawed or set upon severe boundaries of exact right or wrong. Better than a void, for sure. Or a belief in nothing but backward looking baggage which fosters a continual self-defeating "poor me" victim core to nowhere.
Would that we all have such constancy and endurance. And pure strength.
Kudos for Larry Elder in recognizing the worst and yet forgiving in full power. And WITHOUT churning backward history or past century reasons as continuing burden of carrying that log on his own shoulder.
Lastly, I would have loved to meet his Mom. I had a Mom who lived to that exact same age and was called the "War Department" too. Actually my cousins called my parents "The Axis Powers"- so this book really hit home for me. In those exact same eras as Larry's parents' lives too.
This was in the last 2/3rds of the book a quite modern and wonderful Christmas read. Especially for we who have similar life stories. Or who found "themselves". Or we who have had in some portions of our past started a vaguely found 15 year old street side person with nothing better to do- on how to change a tire on a truck with an O ring BEHIND a protective shield (instead of how he was trying to do it on his "uncle's" truck- so he doesn't kill himself when the O ring blows off the rim). And then lived too to see that same boy become a man with 2 businesses, 13 kids and who knows now (at the 2018 plus juncture) how many grandchildren living in supreme success all over the USA in dozens of skill fields and professions instead of gang banging and killing each other as their cousins sure did. That's how it changes. Skills and self worth encouraged for productive in the acting world abilities. Not years and years of words, nor encouragements in any factors toward an upbringing "by the village" that grows a majority outcome of a solidly dependent/needy life of no human values except reactions of "getting even" and even less joy that is not found within drink or narcotics.
The entire first 3 or 4 chapters were not fun to read, I would categorize them in my "wire coat hanger" category. And the author was too flip in telling about it within such accusatory detail of ridicule too. But the fear and tension factors came across in a very real sense of actuality. That's how it is. This I do know. And have also seen.
The rest of the book was tremendous and inspirational. It clearly charted the slow process of getting "the talk" possible and actual. I just loved it. That history, that starkly worded life quips and action opinions of his Mother-those especially. All 5 stars. And his Dad's complete background, various paths to find his diner- all of the "possibles" that lived in his head. Pure 5 star outstanding. That's how it's done. Determination, work, work, work. Repeat. And it OFTEN starts with a loose young person cannon being "taken in" where you "don't belong" as/ within a peon job "help" in some regard. No fanfare, no "awareness" campaign or $$$ to advertise or "reeducate" an attitude. Also mostly without a minimum wage level in sight or much of anything but a learning curve straight up. On how the world actually works. Larry's Dad was an expert, for sure.
As bad as the treatment to his children and sad inability to counter that anger (unnamed by him too but certainly felt)- was! Still the entire book is really a love letter to these parents in surmounting it. Splendidly too. And in continuation of passing on those skills of owning yourself and not pity partying as a mind habit, as well. Inspirational to me. Aspirations exploding and expanding and realized. Cored on a strong self-identity. Be it flawed or set upon severe boundaries of exact right or wrong. Better than a void, for sure. Or a belief in nothing but backward looking baggage which fosters a continual self-defeating "poor me" victim core to nowhere.
Would that we all have such constancy and endurance. And pure strength.
Kudos for Larry Elder in recognizing the worst and yet forgiving in full power. And WITHOUT churning backward history or past century reasons as continuing burden of carrying that log on his own shoulder.
Lastly, I would have loved to meet his Mom. I had a Mom who lived to that exact same age and was called the "War Department" too. Actually my cousins called my parents "The Axis Powers"- so this book really hit home for me. In those exact same eras as Larry's parents' lives too.
This was in the last 2/3rds of the book a quite modern and wonderful Christmas read. Especially for we who have similar life stories. Or who found "themselves". Or we who have had in some portions of our past started a vaguely found 15 year old street side person with nothing better to do- on how to change a tire on a truck with an O ring BEHIND a protective shield (instead of how he was trying to do it on his "uncle's" truck- so he doesn't kill himself when the O ring blows off the rim). And then lived too to see that same boy become a man with 2 businesses, 13 kids and who knows now (at the 2018 plus juncture) how many grandchildren living in supreme success all over the USA in dozens of skill fields and professions instead of gang banging and killing each other as their cousins sure did. That's how it changes. Skills and self worth encouraged for productive in the acting world abilities. Not years and years of words, nor encouragements in any factors toward an upbringing "by the village" that grows a majority outcome of a solidly dependent/needy life of no human values except reactions of "getting even" and even less joy that is not found within drink or narcotics.
April 14, 2013
As a long time listener of the Larry Elder Show I was looking forward to reading this book. Larry is a libertarian (not a conservative) who believes in limited government and personal responsibility. In this book we find that hard work and self reliance can get you through the challenges of life and lead to success. We learn this from the story of his father, a man who did not know who his father was. He was on his own at age 13 and had less than a high school education, yet he worked hard at various jobs in the Jim Crow south, moved to California where he worked as a janitor and eventually became a successful business man.
We also read of Larry's hatred for his father and his not speaking to him for 10 years and his eventual reunion and understanding and renewal of respect for his dad after an eight hour coversation where Larry learned things about his father and about himself he never before understood.
A quick and easy read.
We also read of Larry's hatred for his father and his not speaking to him for 10 years and his eventual reunion and understanding and renewal of respect for his dad after an eight hour coversation where Larry learned things about his father and about himself he never before understood.
A quick and easy read.
March 19, 2016
Loved it. Thanks you Larry Elder for presenting an honest look at the relationship you had with your difficult father. You set out to confront your father, to ask him why life was so tough growing up with an angry man in the house ... and it took a big guy (you) to look at life from his point of view, the hardships he suffered, the work ethic he developed, and his philosophy of life that kept him from deserting his family and winding up a derelict in an alley somewhere. A book for all people, all classes, all races. Not quite a rags-to-riches story, but definitely a rags-to-middle class account. Two Thumbs up! Get it, read it, quick!
November 25, 2016
I have been a radio fan of Larry Elder's for many years. He hosted an afternoon show in Los Angeles that added a calm perspective to the earlier news and opinions of the day for me. I was surprised though at how this very clear political analyst could translate his clarity to such a personal arena, his troubled history with his father. That is a big leap for the most sensitive person. I salute him for his courage and his example in showing adult children how they can establish or rebuild broken relationships with family members to the good for everyone. Larry gave his father a gift and his readers a blessing as well.
June 29, 2017
An excellent book. In listening to the story of Larry's life and his dad's not only did I pick up a lot of great advice, but got a great opportunity to reflect. I thought about my relationships and life thus far and how I want to end well. I got pretty choked up towards the end thinking about my own parents and what it will be like as we all grow older. I would highly recommend anyone pick up this book regardless of your stage in life or political leanings.
November 29, 2016
There's a moment in this book where Larry Elder explicitly says that his life goal is not to better the world but to be rich. This is ultimately the most self-reflective moment in this tome--which undoubtedly eludes the author. Elder has no principles. He's just trying to make money.
If you're at all with experienced with Larry Elder's radio shows, he espouses a neo-fascist ideology under a pretense of libertarianism while exhibiting bizarre fits of rage. His views are, at times, disconnected from reality itself, much like his refusal to acknowledge that he was wrong to support the neocon agenda. He’s a Republican hiding behind the pretense of libertarianism. He went completely in when Bush sold America the Iraq war in 2003.
Elder hasn't lived an interesting enough life to write a compelling autobiography. If he has, he does not want to write about such matters, which might be refreshing if it didn't feel like he is nonetheless attempting to communicate something here--about himself, his father or his socio-political views. He spent eight hours in jail...because he mouthed-off to a cop after being rightfully accused of jaywalking. Not exactly Hurricane territory, and this doesn’t go anywhere.
In every ancedote, Elder ends up doing the right thing. Everyone who doesn't listen to conventional wisdom and Larry Elder end up doing the wrong thing. They suffer the consequences of not listening to Larry Elder. This is incredibly bad writing, of man obsessed with framing himself as great without also acknowledging his faults. This is comparable to Barack Obama’s memoirs; however, Obama has lived a more interesting life--a biracial child essentially abandoned by his father, and thru ambition and character, attended the Ivy League, became a law professor, a community organizer, a US Senator...and then the President of the United States--a leader, even if you don’t necessarily agree with where he is leading. Elder’s work in the entertainment industry pales in comparison to that, and his light tome ends up reflecting how uninteresting his life has been, with only the benefit of addressing how much better Compton used to be (though he still presents it as an urban Mayberry of sorts).
His parents had a fraught relationship, which was perhaps the most scandalous part of Mr. Elder’s life; they ended up sleeping in separate rooms. Divorce was taboo for their generation. This is one of the few interesting things that happened in his household that Elder should've expanded on, but he doesn't. He also doesn’t get too much into his relationship with his brothers. He lost one, to drug abuse, and he does pay tribute to how beloved he was despite not being conventionally regarded as “good” or useful.
Elder’s main complaint about his father was that he was humorless man, who did not show affection easily. It doesn't occur to Elder that his father might be surly for a reason: He grew up in a time and place where black men weren't exactly treated well. (This is a sociological idea called "conditioning," which is the root of all mind sciences.) Elder, meanwhile, was spoiled by a greater degree of tolerance towards blacks that weren't given to Depression-era blacks, who had to deal with not just legalized racism but the Klan as an enforcer of the status quo. He takes issue with government-sanctioned discrimination; however, whites can discriminate against blacks because “that’s the way things are,” which makes it okay. The government shouldn’t get involved to stop racial discrimination, either--because the government is normally the problem. Elder imagines everyone hated his father for being a Republican; however he’s also depicted as a pillar of the community, which completely voids the argument that blacks hate Republicans or are hostile to conservatism. More precisely, it’s the shrill and delusional messenger that has kept so many blacks loyal to the opposition since the Johnson administration.
Nor has Elder been abused enough to write a compelling memoir of survival. Elder and his brothers were spanked with belts and switches, not electrical cords or rods--and only to discipline them, not out of parental cruelty. When the kids cry as they are disciplined, the father declares: "I'll give you a reason to cry!" This was, unbelievably, a common saying amongst the Greatest Generation as they raised their kids, and is not uniquely something that happened to Larry Elder. (My grandmother used it on my mother.) The senior Elder was prone to comical fits of outrage. However, a moment of levity comes from his pronouncement that Nixon should just make more tapes as a solution for Watergate.
That Elder had been so unaware of his father's history is bizarre and goes against what one would expect from just standard parent-child interaction. The senior Elder being okay with his regiment being segregated during World War 2 (the support role meant that black troops were not allowed to fully serve) both illustrates where Larry gets his bizarre worldview and nulls Mr. Elder’s assertion that he was just as patriotic as the white men who were forced to see combat.
Throughout this book, Elder divorces society from race--except to criticize blacks, who are the real racists. (He might be right.) If Larry Elder had ever been a victim of racism from the whites whom he now counts as his peers, he does not disclose it here. Part of the reason why might be that he doesn’t want to dwell on it; the other part being that he regards such flawed white men as still better than the blacks whom they generally discriminate against. Rich people deserve to be rich, and most are hard workers, so we shouldn't hate their success. Black people tip poorly, so it's okay to discriminate against them in the foodservice industry.
Elder was given dreams to leave Compton by public school teachers, and he received aid to take the SATs. Elder benefitted from a public education (at Fairfax, my own alma mater), yet he believes in taking away funds from public education. The private sector can do it better, and the government gets in the way.
Elder’s focus on his father’s story so often comes at the expense of his mother: Her death occupies only a couple paragraphs near the end. Mrs. Elder was prone to crazy schemes, like invading Mexico to solve the immigration crisis. These ideas are not practical, even if they originally sound good on paper. In one scene, Mrs. Elder claims that she's about to cry "rape" to a military recruiter in order to get his brother Dennis in the army. Elder does not pass judgement on this erratic scheme. In fact, decades later, he would repeatedly accuse former President Bill Clinton of rape, suggesting that false cries of rape is an Elder family tradition.
There is one scene that illustrates his parent’s divide and that of conservatism: A man who was obviously an illegal immigrant walked into the diner one day and tried to order food but couldn’t because he couldn’t speak English. His parents would argue over whether they should’ve served him--his mother insisting that this was an English-only business; his father was just trying to make the sale. It doesn’t occur to Elder that both of his parents could be wrong: Whether or not someone can speak English should not stop them from being able to order a cheeseburger.
Ultimately Larry Elder has lived a privileged life. His family wasn't rich, but they always had enough to eat. He grew up in an apparently loving household, and he writes loving of HIS parents. He has, however, inherited more traits from his parents that he would readily concede.
If you're at all with experienced with Larry Elder's radio shows, he espouses a neo-fascist ideology under a pretense of libertarianism while exhibiting bizarre fits of rage. His views are, at times, disconnected from reality itself, much like his refusal to acknowledge that he was wrong to support the neocon agenda. He’s a Republican hiding behind the pretense of libertarianism. He went completely in when Bush sold America the Iraq war in 2003.
Elder hasn't lived an interesting enough life to write a compelling autobiography. If he has, he does not want to write about such matters, which might be refreshing if it didn't feel like he is nonetheless attempting to communicate something here--about himself, his father or his socio-political views. He spent eight hours in jail...because he mouthed-off to a cop after being rightfully accused of jaywalking. Not exactly Hurricane territory, and this doesn’t go anywhere.
In every ancedote, Elder ends up doing the right thing. Everyone who doesn't listen to conventional wisdom and Larry Elder end up doing the wrong thing. They suffer the consequences of not listening to Larry Elder. This is incredibly bad writing, of man obsessed with framing himself as great without also acknowledging his faults. This is comparable to Barack Obama’s memoirs; however, Obama has lived a more interesting life--a biracial child essentially abandoned by his father, and thru ambition and character, attended the Ivy League, became a law professor, a community organizer, a US Senator...and then the President of the United States--a leader, even if you don’t necessarily agree with where he is leading. Elder’s work in the entertainment industry pales in comparison to that, and his light tome ends up reflecting how uninteresting his life has been, with only the benefit of addressing how much better Compton used to be (though he still presents it as an urban Mayberry of sorts).
His parents had a fraught relationship, which was perhaps the most scandalous part of Mr. Elder’s life; they ended up sleeping in separate rooms. Divorce was taboo for their generation. This is one of the few interesting things that happened in his household that Elder should've expanded on, but he doesn't. He also doesn’t get too much into his relationship with his brothers. He lost one, to drug abuse, and he does pay tribute to how beloved he was despite not being conventionally regarded as “good” or useful.
Elder’s main complaint about his father was that he was humorless man, who did not show affection easily. It doesn't occur to Elder that his father might be surly for a reason: He grew up in a time and place where black men weren't exactly treated well. (This is a sociological idea called "conditioning," which is the root of all mind sciences.) Elder, meanwhile, was spoiled by a greater degree of tolerance towards blacks that weren't given to Depression-era blacks, who had to deal with not just legalized racism but the Klan as an enforcer of the status quo. He takes issue with government-sanctioned discrimination; however, whites can discriminate against blacks because “that’s the way things are,” which makes it okay. The government shouldn’t get involved to stop racial discrimination, either--because the government is normally the problem. Elder imagines everyone hated his father for being a Republican; however he’s also depicted as a pillar of the community, which completely voids the argument that blacks hate Republicans or are hostile to conservatism. More precisely, it’s the shrill and delusional messenger that has kept so many blacks loyal to the opposition since the Johnson administration.
Nor has Elder been abused enough to write a compelling memoir of survival. Elder and his brothers were spanked with belts and switches, not electrical cords or rods--and only to discipline them, not out of parental cruelty. When the kids cry as they are disciplined, the father declares: "I'll give you a reason to cry!" This was, unbelievably, a common saying amongst the Greatest Generation as they raised their kids, and is not uniquely something that happened to Larry Elder. (My grandmother used it on my mother.) The senior Elder was prone to comical fits of outrage. However, a moment of levity comes from his pronouncement that Nixon should just make more tapes as a solution for Watergate.
That Elder had been so unaware of his father's history is bizarre and goes against what one would expect from just standard parent-child interaction. The senior Elder being okay with his regiment being segregated during World War 2 (the support role meant that black troops were not allowed to fully serve) both illustrates where Larry gets his bizarre worldview and nulls Mr. Elder’s assertion that he was just as patriotic as the white men who were forced to see combat.
Throughout this book, Elder divorces society from race--except to criticize blacks, who are the real racists. (He might be right.) If Larry Elder had ever been a victim of racism from the whites whom he now counts as his peers, he does not disclose it here. Part of the reason why might be that he doesn’t want to dwell on it; the other part being that he regards such flawed white men as still better than the blacks whom they generally discriminate against. Rich people deserve to be rich, and most are hard workers, so we shouldn't hate their success. Black people tip poorly, so it's okay to discriminate against them in the foodservice industry.
Elder was given dreams to leave Compton by public school teachers, and he received aid to take the SATs. Elder benefitted from a public education (at Fairfax, my own alma mater), yet he believes in taking away funds from public education. The private sector can do it better, and the government gets in the way.
Elder’s focus on his father’s story so often comes at the expense of his mother: Her death occupies only a couple paragraphs near the end. Mrs. Elder was prone to crazy schemes, like invading Mexico to solve the immigration crisis. These ideas are not practical, even if they originally sound good on paper. In one scene, Mrs. Elder claims that she's about to cry "rape" to a military recruiter in order to get his brother Dennis in the army. Elder does not pass judgement on this erratic scheme. In fact, decades later, he would repeatedly accuse former President Bill Clinton of rape, suggesting that false cries of rape is an Elder family tradition.
There is one scene that illustrates his parent’s divide and that of conservatism: A man who was obviously an illegal immigrant walked into the diner one day and tried to order food but couldn’t because he couldn’t speak English. His parents would argue over whether they should’ve served him--his mother insisting that this was an English-only business; his father was just trying to make the sale. It doesn’t occur to Elder that both of his parents could be wrong: Whether or not someone can speak English should not stop them from being able to order a cheeseburger.
Ultimately Larry Elder has lived a privileged life. His family wasn't rich, but they always had enough to eat. He grew up in an apparently loving household, and he writes loving of HIS parents. He has, however, inherited more traits from his parents that he would readily concede.
July 15, 2020
Will tear you apart.
The language was almost enough to make me close the book and miss the wonderful story. Cried more times than I want to admit. Thankful for the goodness of God in my life and the time I have left with my family. Never take any of it for granted.
The language was almost enough to make me close the book and miss the wonderful story. Cried more times than I want to admit. Thankful for the goodness of God in my life and the time I have left with my family. Never take any of it for granted.
June 15, 2019
Larry Elder is a Black conservative radio host. He calls him self the Sage of South Central because that is where he grew up. His family had three brothers - Kirk, Larry and Dennis. His parents came from the Deep South. His father was a stern task master who often beat his son. Elder went to Crenshaw High School and then to Brown and Michigan law school. The last two primarily to get away from his dad.
Dear Father, Dear Son is a set of family remembrances. He describes how irrational his father could be and his strong desire to get away from his father when he went to college. His father had worked hard and eventually opened a small diner in the LA area. Larry decided to come back after not speaking to his father for a decade and confront his dad with all the bad things he did while Larry was growing up. What he thought was going to be 15-20 minute harangue turned into an 8 hour reconciliation between father and son.
I cannot imagine his life growing up. Nor can I imagine his father Randolph's life either - who was forced out of his house when he was 13 after his mother and her then current boyfriend thought he was too much trouble. Randolph always worked hard at whatever he did. He took pride in his work and seems to have instilled those values in two of his sons (the third Dennis died of drug related problems). The small diner he owned for a couple of decades did everything from scratch and was a neighborhood institution.
This is a compelling story with a lot to think about and it is a quick read. I enjoyed this book.
Dear Father, Dear Son is a set of family remembrances. He describes how irrational his father could be and his strong desire to get away from his father when he went to college. His father had worked hard and eventually opened a small diner in the LA area. Larry decided to come back after not speaking to his father for a decade and confront his dad with all the bad things he did while Larry was growing up. What he thought was going to be 15-20 minute harangue turned into an 8 hour reconciliation between father and son.
I cannot imagine his life growing up. Nor can I imagine his father Randolph's life either - who was forced out of his house when he was 13 after his mother and her then current boyfriend thought he was too much trouble. Randolph always worked hard at whatever he did. He took pride in his work and seems to have instilled those values in two of his sons (the third Dennis died of drug related problems). The small diner he owned for a couple of decades did everything from scratch and was a neighborhood institution.
This is a compelling story with a lot to think about and it is a quick read. I enjoyed this book.
December 29, 2016
Elder had a flawed father. We all do.
He doesn't understand what made his father tick... what was behind his sometimes mysterious and even frightening actions?
Still his father set a mostly good example of what a father is... what a father does. How he protects and guides his children.
Elder is lucky to have a father... this particular father. He follows his father's example... his father,s teaching and meets with success.
But still he doesn't understand his father. In many ways, hates his father.
Then one day he sits down with his father as an adult. 8 hours he spends with him. The veil lifts. It lifts between the son's understanding of the father, and between the father's understanding of the son. There is an new, intriguing appreciation of his father. A sense that despite behavior that seems strange to a young boy there was a method, a reason and a goal in it. That in the end it was (imperfectly) enacted towards the goal of raising a productive person... a productive citizen.
Larry Elder's "Dear Father, Dear Son" re-enacts, though more dramatically, the understanding that happens with many sons lucky enough to have a good father. It may encourage some sons (and fathers) to seek out that understanding and to find reconciliation.
Worth the read.
He doesn't understand what made his father tick... what was behind his sometimes mysterious and even frightening actions?
Still his father set a mostly good example of what a father is... what a father does. How he protects and guides his children.
Elder is lucky to have a father... this particular father. He follows his father's example... his father,s teaching and meets with success.
But still he doesn't understand his father. In many ways, hates his father.
Then one day he sits down with his father as an adult. 8 hours he spends with him. The veil lifts. It lifts between the son's understanding of the father, and between the father's understanding of the son. There is an new, intriguing appreciation of his father. A sense that despite behavior that seems strange to a young boy there was a method, a reason and a goal in it. That in the end it was (imperfectly) enacted towards the goal of raising a productive person... a productive citizen.
Larry Elder's "Dear Father, Dear Son" re-enacts, though more dramatically, the understanding that happens with many sons lucky enough to have a good father. It may encourage some sons (and fathers) to seek out that understanding and to find reconciliation.
Worth the read.
July 3, 2018
My favorite book of 2018, with no doubt. I listen to Larry on the radio and am often moved by his recollections of both parents so I was excited to dive into this book. The book left me laughing and crying throughout it. I would highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone as the moral lessons are timeless.
October 18, 2025
WHAT A GREAT LESSON . I BECAME ATTACHED TO THE FAMILY . I LOVE MR.ELDER . WHAT A STRONG MAN . EXPLAINS THE STRENGTH LARRY ELDER HAS.
April 22, 2020
An enticing and relatable story. Growing up with a loving mother, distant milatant father, and two siblings. This autobiography was a lesson of judging a book by its cover. Teaches that you never know what someone is truly going through and that there is good in everyone. I thought this book would add a deeper message at the end but was more of a bio about his life. Still a good read with some comic relief.
April 7, 2019
I loved this book so much. It opens up with the author, Larry Elder, traveling back to his hometown to confront his father after not speaking to him for ten years. Larry had a tumultuous relationship with his father(who was abusive in our today's standards) as a child. This confrontation ends up being an 8 hour catalyst that changes Larry and his father's relationship for the rest of his life. He sees his father in a way that he never had. I teared up so many times while he was talking. It really was a story of forgiveness, compassion, understanding, and love. More people should read this.
May 2, 2018
An engaging story marred by poor writing, particularly around the dialogue. Constant shifts between first and third person and pronouns that obscure subject and speaker, as well as constant unmarked shifts between past and present make for a jarring reading experience that continuously interrupt the flow of the reading experience and detract from what should, and otherwise is, an interesting read.
March 11, 2013
Lots of rough language. I almost stopped reading it in the beginning (such rough language... lots of violence toward the children), but I'm so glad I stuck with it. Even though he had a horrible childhood and his relationship with his dad was disastrous, in sitting down with his dad and learning more about him, he grew to love him and developed a relationship with him. Beautiful story!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 6, 2013
It was interesting.
July 6, 2015
Communication is everything. I enjoyed every minute of this book.
June 11, 2017
I just finished reading Dear Father, Dear Son, and enjoyed it immensely. This book is for everyone. Its timeless, touching, funny and one the best books I have ever read.
January 17, 2018
Very Emotional... well written......its always ...what appears is NOT what is .................
May 10, 2021
Amazing story. In a nutshell "hardwork wins".
August 17, 2018
Definitely a lesson in what seems to be true is not always true, and in some cases learning the truth can be life changing.
October 12, 2022
Great book. As a previous fan of Larry Elder, it was a great read!
Dear Father, Dear Son is a personal memoir of Elder's troubled ― one might even say tortured ― relationship with his father, and the astonishing outcome that develops when Elder, at long last, confronts him.
Says Elder: "A man's relationship with his father ― every boy, every man lucky enough to have a father in his life has to figure that out. My own father? I thought I knew him ― even though he seldom talked about himself. And what I knew I hated ― really, really hated. Cold, ill-tempered, thin-skinned, my father always seemed on the brink of erupting. Scared to death of him, I kept telling myself to find the courage to 'stand up to him.' When I was fifteen, I did." After that, said Elder, "We did not speak to each other for ten years."
"And then we did ― for eight hours." The result can't be described. It has to be experienced.
As reflected in the book's subtitle ― "Two Lives ... Eight Hours" ― one extraordinary, all- day conversation between Elder and his long- estranged father utterly transformed their relationship. It is no exaggeration to say the book will likewise transform readers.
Indeed, calling it "stunning," Burt Boyar, co-author of the bestselling autobiography on Sammy Davis, Jr., says of Dear Father, Dear Son: "Above all it is a wonderful read. I am tempted to call it a page-turner but in my case I hated to turn every page because that meant I was getting closer to the end and I did not want it to end. ... The book is filled with emotion. It is, of course, a handbook for life. I guess it is that above all things. Any kid who reads it and follows the advice of how to live his life just has to come out well."
Dear Father, Dear Son is the story of one man discovering a son he never really knew. And of the son finding a man, a friend, a father who had really been there all along.
Dear Father, Dear Son is a personal memoir of Elder's troubled ― one might even say tortured ― relationship with his father, and the astonishing outcome that develops when Elder, at long last, confronts him.
Says Elder: "A man's relationship with his father ― every boy, every man lucky enough to have a father in his life has to figure that out. My own father? I thought I knew him ― even though he seldom talked about himself. And what I knew I hated ― really, really hated. Cold, ill-tempered, thin-skinned, my father always seemed on the brink of erupting. Scared to death of him, I kept telling myself to find the courage to 'stand up to him.' When I was fifteen, I did." After that, said Elder, "We did not speak to each other for ten years."
"And then we did ― for eight hours." The result can't be described. It has to be experienced.
As reflected in the book's subtitle ― "Two Lives ... Eight Hours" ― one extraordinary, all- day conversation between Elder and his long- estranged father utterly transformed their relationship. It is no exaggeration to say the book will likewise transform readers.
Indeed, calling it "stunning," Burt Boyar, co-author of the bestselling autobiography on Sammy Davis, Jr., says of Dear Father, Dear Son: "Above all it is a wonderful read. I am tempted to call it a page-turner but in my case I hated to turn every page because that meant I was getting closer to the end and I did not want it to end. ... The book is filled with emotion. It is, of course, a handbook for life. I guess it is that above all things. Any kid who reads it and follows the advice of how to live his life just has to come out well."
Dear Father, Dear Son is the story of one man discovering a son he never really knew. And of the son finding a man, a friend, a father who had really been there all along.
May 14, 2021
I got this book immediately after watching this video (https://youtu.be/Tr6aCsk0edk), and I am very thankful that I did. This book documents the relationship between Larry Elder and his father. How his father was always very angry and shouting or punishing him as a kid with a belt, and how extremely abusive he thought this relationship was until he grew up and saw how different his family was from the families of other people, and the values his father wanted to instill in him. I got this book because I wanted to understand better the relationship between me and my father, and it has got much better as a consequence.
This book is extremely heart-breaking and sad: After 10 years of not speaking with each other, Larry returns to his father to "tell him how much of a son of a ***** he was," only to discover that his father was poor most of his life, and was fatherless, and was always working, and started from nothing. And that he tried his best without any good reference or idol to whom he can emulate, but has made for his children a great role model. This is such a wonderful book, and I absolutely loved it. I do not remember the last time I cried reading a book, so I am very glad I would always remember that this book was one of those books.
This book is extremely heart-breaking and sad: After 10 years of not speaking with each other, Larry returns to his father to "tell him how much of a son of a ***** he was," only to discover that his father was poor most of his life, and was fatherless, and was always working, and started from nothing. And that he tried his best without any good reference or idol to whom he can emulate, but has made for his children a great role model. This is such a wonderful book, and I absolutely loved it. I do not remember the last time I cried reading a book, so I am very glad I would always remember that this book was one of those books.
August 31, 2021
Larry Elder’s syndicated editorials are regularly featured in one of our local newspapers and are
always read and respected by my husband and me.He is a black lawyer/journalist/radio program commentator who consistently stands up to the “woke” and “black lives matter” factions with statistics to back up his claims. He is outspoken in his belief that the root of blacks’ problems is single mother families and until black men start sticking around to help raise their seed, all the welfare, dismantling of police departments, and slavery compensation, etc. will not help nor change things.
He is for recall of California’s governor and is running as a replacement. He is an anomaly: a black Libertarian. He does not believe in welfare or minimum wage among other issues. And what is really scaring Democrats is he is in the lead.
He grew up in a married two parent family, hating his father. He took his apron off and walked out of his father’s diner at the age of 15 and didn’t speak to him for 10 years. Then he flew into LA one day and showed up at the diner unexpectedly at closing time. For 8 hours he and his dad sat and talked. This book is that talk and the profound changes that occurred in both their lives as a result.
There are lessons and wisdom here for all of us. Excellent.
always read and respected by my husband and me.He is a black lawyer/journalist/radio program commentator who consistently stands up to the “woke” and “black lives matter” factions with statistics to back up his claims. He is outspoken in his belief that the root of blacks’ problems is single mother families and until black men start sticking around to help raise their seed, all the welfare, dismantling of police departments, and slavery compensation, etc. will not help nor change things.
He is for recall of California’s governor and is running as a replacement. He is an anomaly: a black Libertarian. He does not believe in welfare or minimum wage among other issues. And what is really scaring Democrats is he is in the lead.
He grew up in a married two parent family, hating his father. He took his apron off and walked out of his father’s diner at the age of 15 and didn’t speak to him for 10 years. Then he flew into LA one day and showed up at the diner unexpectedly at closing time. For 8 hours he and his dad sat and talked. This book is that talk and the profound changes that occurred in both their lives as a result.
There are lessons and wisdom here for all of us. Excellent.
August 1, 2020
Larry Elder opens the door to the area of his life where his relationship to his father and in many ways the rest of his family exists. The story is brutal in its honesty. The lesson in this story is a true diamond in the rough.
God's Word instructs his children in every aspect of relationships. When I compare this book with Biblical Truth, you can plainly see so many things that were done wrong by the father. Everything right about the father you'll find the Bible said to do it that way all along. This book lays bare the human condition and reminded me how much all of humanity NEEDS the Saviour.
The only reason I don't give this book 5 stars is because of the language. I understand the author's choice to include it. I believe he was going for realism and those were the actual words thought and said. That being said... it could've been written without it.
4.2 is my actual rating. I very much appreciate the author sharing his experiences with us. I cried my eyes out. A very touching story.
God's Word instructs his children in every aspect of relationships. When I compare this book with Biblical Truth, you can plainly see so many things that were done wrong by the father. Everything right about the father you'll find the Bible said to do it that way all along. This book lays bare the human condition and reminded me how much all of humanity NEEDS the Saviour.
The only reason I don't give this book 5 stars is because of the language. I understand the author's choice to include it. I believe he was going for realism and those were the actual words thought and said. That being said... it could've been written without it.
4.2 is my actual rating. I very much appreciate the author sharing his experiences with us. I cried my eyes out. A very touching story.
September 16, 2021
A memoir by Larry Elder, with Part One focusing on youth and turbulent (and thereafter non-existent) relationship with his father. Part Two details his father’s own experiences growing up dirt poor in the Jim Crow south, serving as a staff sergeant in WW2, working two jobs and attending night school, and eventually saving enough to open his own modest diner. Originally the younger Elder intended to visit his father in order to rebuke him, but their meeting instead became an 8 hour discussion from which Larry Elder was able to see things from his father’s point of view (e.g., why he was so strict, never gave comfort to his sons, etc.). Part Three (spoiler alert) explores the relationship between father and son post reconciliation. Although Larry Elder has become somewhat of a political lightning rod, this book is purely about his upbringing and the aforesaid reconciliation - there isn’t anything overtly political, aside from his father’s views about personal responsibility: “There are few problems in this world that can’t be fixed through hard work.”
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